A/N: This one is a little short but it didn't feel right slapping it on the end of the last one and I had a hard time making it into a full blown chapter.
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He'd well and truly bollocksed it up. Not intentionally, of course. Hadn't really been his fault. Yet he'd still managed to bollocks it up anyway. It had been days since he'd seen hide nor hair of Kat. Five days to be exact. It had taken all of his willpower not to go to the motel and demand she talk to him. To let him try to fix it. But he'd seen her. Seen her rage. Seen how she brutally beat the siren before she killed her. Spike was pissed too. She'd taken advantage of him and made him be unfaithful to his girl. But Kat's rage was something else. He'd seen her angry before. Saw her fight intensely. But this was merciless and brutal, beating the girl's face in until her brain was bloody spilling out of her skull. She'd had such rage he didn't think she'd be capable of. The darker part of him loved it, was proud of her. But mostly, he was just worried. He didn't think she'd noticed but while she hadn't shifted into vamp face, her eyes had been switching from blue to gold as the demon fought to gain control. Stayed that way when they got to the shop and when he chased her down in the street.
Loss of control was one of Kat's biggest fears. She'd worked bloody hard to tame the animal inside of her but she'd been slipping. She was scared. So he'd let her run off. Let her go and deal with it on her own because he knew she was scared of what she might do. He wasn't scared of her, of course not. He could take her down easy since he had quite a few years on her. But if she ended up hurting him if the demon managed to gain control, she'd hate herself for it and he didn't want that for her. It had been killing him being away from her like this. Knowing she was suffering. Wasn't helped any by the knowledge that Angel had been keeping her company. Or at least he had been until the day before when the Poof and little puppy had gone back to LA. Spike had kept in touch with Buffy, keeping tabs on Kat and how she was doing. She'd calmed enough to speak to everyone else. Everyone but him. And he got it, he really did. The whole thing had been triggering for her, given her ex and what he'd done to her. It had dredged up a whole boatload of emotions she'd thought she'd left behind and he loathed it. Loathed himself for being weak enough to be entranced by a bloody siren. He never wanted her to have to feel that way with him. There wasn't a sodding chance he'd ever be willingly unfaithful to her. He had no need to. Loved her with everything he had. He didn't need to look elsewhere, she gave him everything he needed and more. Yet it happened anyway, against his will, and she still wound up hurt. And while he'd been taking a leaf out of Angel's book, sitting around feeling sorry for himself and moping, he mostly felt sorry for her. Out of all the things that could have happened to her, this was high up on the list of being one of the worst. It infuriated him that he couldn't fix it. He wished the siren bitch was still alive so he could kill her himself and have Kat watch.
He'd been tempted to drink his sorrows away as he stayed at home, wondering just when Kat would speak to him again. He didn't though. Didn't want to be three sheets to the wind when she turned up. Didn't think it would go down well. So he stayed painfully sober and wallowed in his misery. He turned the volume up a little, sighing as he sunk further into the chair. He was watching Passions reruns, not wanting to watch the newer episodes since he usually watched them with Kat. He couldn't focus though, so in his own head he couldn't find the joy the show normally brought him. The front door opened and Spike's head whipped around, jumping up at the sight of Kat coming through the door. She looked better than the last time he'd seen her. A lot less rage and a lot more embarrassment and a hint of guilt. She gave him a sheepish smile after shutting the door, stuffing her hands in her jacket pockets. He was ready to blurt a whole host of apologies that in reality had had no need to say since it hadn't been his fault. But he didn't care. He'd hurt her, even if not on purpose, and he was ready to drop to his knees and beg for forgiveness if that's what it took. Pride had no place here when he needed to win her back. Before he could though, she spoke first.
"I'm sorry," she murmured, looking uncomfortable and shy as she shuffled on her feet. He frowned a little, blinking at her.
"What for?" he asked, confused. There wasn't a damn thing she needed to apologize for. She sighed, moving over to go and sit on the sofa. He wanted to sit with her, hold her, but had no idea how she was feeling yet. Struggled to get a read on her current mood. So he sat himself on the chair as he looked at her intently. She was beautiful, even with dark circles around her pretty eyes that told him she hadn't been sleeping well. At least her eyes stayed blue this time.
"For… leaving the way I did. I just felt way too much and I couldn't really get a grip on it. I didn't mean to just leave you like that," she replied softly, tugging on her sleeves a little in that way she did when she felt awkward.
"No need to apologize, pet. You needed space," he said sincerely. He'd missed her, more than he'd ever be able to put into words. But he couldn't hold it against her.
"I know but… it wasn't fair to you. I wasn't the only victim to that bitch, you were too. Worse in a lot of ways… what she did to you. And I just walked away," she frowned. She looked right ashamed of herself and a frown of his own graced his face as he got up, moving to sit beside her on the sofa. He took one of her fidgety hands in his own, making her look at him.
"Like I said, you needed space. I could see you slippin', no shame in needin' a timeout," he uttered with a small smile. She looked at him for a moment, her eyes all wide and blue like the ocean being lit up by the sun. She let out an awkward chuckle but he was relieved when her other hand came to rest on his, her thumb rubbing circles on it.
"I really lost my shit. I was… I was pretty worried," she admitted in a hushed tone, shame coating her words.
"You were hurt and angry and you're still a baby vamp. It's to be expected," he assured. He'd never seen her so close to snapping but he could hardly blame the girl after what happened. And instead of letting loose and unleashing her fury, she'd sequestered herself away until she felt calm enough.
"You controlled yourself and that's all that matters. I'm proud of you," he murmured, squeezing her hand. She gave him that pretty smile. The one she always gave him when he said something nice or complemented her. He could see the blush that would have been there if her heart still beat in her chest.
"So… we're okay?" she asked, hopeful and hesitant. He scoffed, looking at her like she'd sprouted another head.
"Think I should be askin' you that. After what I… did," he swallowed thickly. He felt violated being taken against his will like that. Magic making him act like he wanted it. It had taken days and a lot of showers for him to feel less dirty than he had.
"You didn't do anything, not really. It was her. I don't blame you for that, Spike," she shook her head, giving him an imploring look.
"Still brought up a lot of past feelings though," he mused. She nodded, nibbling her lower lip.
"It did. But that's not on you. It's on her and also me. It's my baggage, not yours. I'm not gonna let her ruin this for me, ruin us. I know you wouldn't cheat on me. Not properly," she muttered firmly.
It felt like a weight had been lifted off him, knowing she really didn't blame him. He knew logically it wasn't his fault but he still hated the part he played in hurting her, even if he had been an unwilling puppet. He remembered everything that happened when he was under the influence of the siren. Remembered lying to her, remembered telling her he didn't love her anymore. Remembered that god awful heartbroken look she'd given him that at the time hadn't bothered him one bit. Now though, it cut him deep. It might not have been real, but she'd still been hurt and that was very much real. And knowing her self worth was as low as it was, he could only imagine the thoughts that had been running through her head.
"I love you," he said softly, bringing her hand up to his lips as he pressed a tender kiss to it. The last time he'd said that to her, she hadn't said it back. Far too worked up to manage it before she slunk off into the night. It had been one of the more painful experiences he'd endured, not hearing her say it back.
"I love you too," she smiled at him, her eyes sparkling with warmth that he'd missed. He couldn't help the stupid grin that over took his face, relieved to hear those words. He moved back to lean against the back of the couch, tugging her with him. She followed willingly, wrapping an arm around his middle as she lay her head on his chest. He held her tightly, inhaling her soothing scent as he finally felt like all was right with the world. He could never tell what was the soulmate bond and what was just them. Being away from her was always a painful experience for him, even when it wasn't for long. When she'd go to work, he'd be pining for her like a puppy waiting for his owner to return home. It was mildly pathetic but he couldn't bring himself to care. Not when it was for her. And it was always more painful when she was away from him when he'd done something wrong. Like when he'd helped Buffy turn her into a monster of the night. He'd swore to himself he'd never hurt her again after that. Hadn't quite worked out that way, had it? Although this really wasn't his fault and she seemed to understand that. Didn't mean he didn't harbor the guilt for it though. Really didn't help that Buffy had informed him that Kat had actually seen him and Jessica going at it. Didn't blame her for the rage she had against the bitch after that. If he'd witnessed Kat lay with another man, he was pretty sure he'd burn the whole place ablaze, soul or not.
"You've not been watching Passions have you?" she asked, still laying on him. He knew she meant the new ones, given the fact Passions was currently on the screen and she wasn't blind.
"Just the reruns. Why? You haven't, have you?" he asked, looking down and giving her a pointed look. He'd be mighty offended if she'd been watching it at the motel without him. She snorted and shook her head, her hand absentmindedly slipping up his t-shirt as she splayed her hand on his stomach. She'd told him once she really loved his stomach and chest and she had a habit of touching it without her even realizing it. Couldn't say he minded.
"Of course not. We watch it together. I know you'd kill me if I did," she grinned, making him smile as he nuzzled the top of her head.
"Damn right I would," he huffed playfully. Like he'd ever be capable of killing her. She could be soulless and going off on a murder spree and he still wouldnt be able to bring himself to do it. Still worship the bloody ground she walked upon.
"Feel like catching up?" she asked hopefully, sitting up properly. Spike felt the loss of her weight immediately.
"Yeah, sounds good," he smiled at her. He was glad they were already slipping into their normal routine. He'd been worried when she did finally come home, things would be tense and stilted for a while.
"I'm just gonna change into something comfy, you get it ready," she grinned, leaning over to peck him on the lips before she was off in a flash. He knew by something more comfortable, she meant her little jimmies. Girl loved her pajamas more than she loved that denim jacket she'd nicked off that vampire back in LA before they turned her into a pile of ash. Not that he minded seeing her in the little shorts and the vest that was too thin to conceal her nipples. No, he quite enjoyed her in her pajamas.
She came back not too long after and he couldn't help but let his eyes lazily roam her body. God, he'd missed her. She caught his look, playfully rolling her eyes as a coy smirk twitched at her lips. She plonked down next to him and he wasted no time in wrapping an arm around her, pulling her closer to him.
"Right then, ready to see if Ruby's come out of her coma?" he asked, TV remote in hand.
"Yep. Although, I don't think she's gonna come out of it," she mused casually. Spike scoffed, quirking a brow at her as he gave her a look.
"Have you lost your mind? Of course she's gonna come out of it. She has to. She has to see that Rose has taken over her estate and is pretendin' to be her. Stole her husband, her bloody family," he muttered in contempt. She moved away from him a little to look at him better.
"I get that, but if she finds out her evil twin has taken over her life, they have to resolve it. The only way is by killing one of them off to get viewer satisfaction. And they can't kill Rose off 'cause she's got the whole secret love affair with Damon going on," she explained like she was talking to a child. He huffed, crossing his arms over his chest and shaking his head.
"I'm tellin' you, Ruby's gonna come out of her coma and she's gonna kill Rose," he said haughilty. Little minx thought she knew Passions more than him, did she? She'd be proven wrong soon. He'd been watching it a lot longer than she has. He was the one who bloody introduced her to it. So he hit play and she snuggled into him once more as they watched the overdramatic soap opera that was their guilty pleasure. He soon found out he had indeed been right about this hypothesis and didn't let Kat forget about it either. At one point, she tried to smother him with the cushion but since he didn't need to breathe, it didn't do much. It was nice, being back to normal like this. Wasn't like Kat not to dwell on things so it was refreshing that they didn't have the whole thing looming over their heads for weeks to come. He just hoped the Hellmouth didn't have any other bullshit in store for them. He'd been through enough to tide him over for at least the next year or so.