Chapter 9 - Waste of Space
Theo did not expect to be invited to a school-wide secret meeting for Defense Against the Dark Arts, organized by the Golden Trio.
Of his class, Goyle, Crabbe, Parkinson, and Malfoy were the only ones from their year not present. Daphne had been pretty particular about the older year students, but the younger Slytherins had shown up in greater numbers than from any of the other three houses.
It was utterly bizarre.
Not bizarre the hostile looks they were getting as Hermione Granger chattered away.
The name they came up with was thought up by Milicent Bulstrode, proving the androgynous girl had a humorous streak:
"Umbridge's Biggest Fan Club."
Laughter filled the Room of Requirement. Everyone voted in favour, just as they had voted Potter in as their 'official' leader.
Theo's father would have had an aneurysm even the notion of such a thing, which made this all the more enjoyable.
Hermione nodded, writing the name, "The UB for short then."
Potter also elected people from each House to be responsible for negotiating scheduling around other clubs and Quidditch practice.
Potter was apparently in Flitwick's Art Club, which was a rumour Theo hadn't believed.
Those who were elected were very sensible choices as all of them shared classes with Granger. Padma for Ravenclaw and Parvati for Gryffindor, because the two talked to each other normal and was no cause for suspicion. Susan Bones for Hufflepuff who, as it so happened was a friend of Neville Longbottom's and —as it so happened— a friend of Theo himself who was voted in for Slytherin.
The deciding factor of that, rather than say, Daphne, was because Theo and Potter had been assigned together for a group project in Care of Magical Creatures class.
Theo had no reservations about the latter because apparently was as good with Creatures as he was in Defence Against the Dark Arts, which meant an easy mark.
That didn't mean that all his reservations were washed away.
At least, they weren't, until the end of the first UB meeting, in which Potter proved why he was such an excellent Teacher Assistant. Not once, could Theo spot a moment when he treated the Slytherins differently than the other students.
And through his lead, the other students seemed to forget that any of them belonged to different houses.
Nothing like what amounted to an illegal training club to promote inter-house unity.
October 31st
Harry woke in the middle of the night, remembering only dimly his nightmare as the burning in his scare seared so badly, Harry shattered the glass at his bedside.
He was able to repair it and get back into bed after a cold shower which did help.
As he shut his eyes, breathing past the pain and the rage building in the back of his throat, he remembered glimpses.
It had been quite odd, watching himself get tortured.
Of the things that scared him, that didn't really make the list. Of course, he hadn't been forced to look into his own eyes while his dream-self screamed, maybe that might have been disturbing.
As it was, he was able to fall back to sleep, his belly full from the Halloween Feast.
"Sirius, are you sure this is a good idea?"
Sirius sighed, "Remus, I have to be good enough to help Harry."
"You've been obsessing about that book non-stop since you got it, but it's only been a few weeks."
"Yes, since Dumbledore gave it to me," Sirius said. "Give me a little credit, Moony, I was the first to transform into an Animagus. I was top of the year, and if it wasn't for my lacklustre essay skills, I would have out shown James."
It's why Minerva both loved and hated Sirius.
She never liked it when one of her students held back.
Remus didn't reply, watching nervously as Sirius wiggled his fingers.
"How do you even know which it'll be?"
Sirius gave his old friend a look, "We both know what it'll be."
Sirius turned back to the lake, ignoring the grumpy werewolf.
Sirius shut his eyes and thought about who and what he was.
He was what he had always been, dreams of 'When I'm older, I'll grow out of it,' had long since passed.
He was still angry.
Angrier.
Still lonely.
Lonelier.
Still the outsider.
Only worse.
He is still that child who was a disappointment to his family.
Still the boy first to be pointed at when something went wrong.
A reputation he had took it at turns to rebel against and lean into.
His rage at the darkling world, at the darkness in his family;
At the darkness in himself.
But no matter what anyone said or believed, he wasn't his darkness, he was the thing that burned against it.
Sirius opened his fists, and let the only thing in his life that had never left him.
Not even in Azkaban.
He opened his eyes.
Flame sparked life in his palms, licking up his wrists.
Joy, fierce and destructive, tore through him. And he fed it to the flames.
Breathing in deeply, he threw his hands forward and fire shot across the surface of the water, creating a bloom of steam that whited out the air around him in a deep fog.
Sirius fell to his knees panting, the fire receding back inside him.
Albus had been right, elemental magic was a lot like being an animagus.
Only it felt deeper, more visual. Not just a reflection of one's inner spirit but the shit you were made of.
The fundamental stuff that connected one to the Earth and the universe.
It was fitting that his elemental was fire.
Bright and loud.
Hot and dancing.
Tears spilled down Sirius's cheeks, as he dug his fingers into the dirt. He had been crying too much these days, and even the small display of power had drained him.
Just like his short pathetic, so much pain, and so little to show for it.
Still, his magic remained, an exhale of energy from his core felt…
Freeing.
And what was fire but freedom.
It was power.
Life.
Dangerous.
Fitting indeed.
Sirius had never loved a person he hadn't ended up harming.
Fire, despite its uses, was in its nature, a thing of destruction.
Buckbeak came up behind Sirius, snorted into his hair and then knocked him into the water.
Sirius came up spluttering.
The mountain fed water was freezing, because it was November, in Scotland.
"Bird!" he roared at the beast.
The Hippogryph was delighted at his outrage and jumped into the water after Sirius, splashing him further.
Sirius tackled the bird-horse, bringing them both into the deeper waters of the lake.
Buckbeak shrieked in glee, using his wings to further drench an already half-drowned Sirius.
They went on like this for another ten minutes before Remus yelled at them both.
Buckbeak grabbed the back of Sirius's robes and picked him out of the lake as if he was a misbehaving kitten. He might have been offended if he hadn't been laughing, his lips blue, and teeth chattering.
Remus shook his head, waving his wand to dry them both off and summoned a blanket to wrap around Sirius's shoulder as he led them back to Malcolm's cottage, his self-pity mostly forgotten.
Harry was surprised to receive an owl at breakfast. He hadn't been writing to Sirius, Remus, or Hagrid, to who he couldn't send mail to for their own safety.
He was even more surprised to find a muggle letter, with two stamps on it.
Luna noticed, her focus narrowing in on him, though, unlike Hermione who was sitting with Ginny and Ron at the Gryffindor table, didn't ask anything.
Harry was yet more surprised by the return, not only was it from Dudley, but from a boarding school whose name Harry didn't know.
Dear Cousin,
I'm not really sure if this will reach you. I've been keeping my eyes open for weird people and owls.
I lucked out and found a weird person with an owl. He was wearing a purple hat and was talking to a barn owl.
He said he knew you, or that he had met you. He was stupidly excited, like you're famous or something equally ridiculous.
Harry blinked down at the spelling that looked like a spell. It was from Dudley. He was sure of it, even though —he was being… nice.
Anyway, he seemed happy that we related, you fr—
The last word was viciously scratched out. Harry could practically feel his cousin's anger and desperation.
Desperation because there was no other reason for his cousin trying to reach him at Hogwarts.
He was glad to let me borrow his owl and I hope if someone else gets this, they send it back to you.
The next page was far neater and easier to read despite some of the crossed out mistakes.
I've been. I've been sent away to a boarding school closer to London, I've included my new address. Not that I expect you to visit. Not that I want you to visit.
But you should know there's no home left to go back to anymore.
Harry felt the blood drain from his face.
He hated the Dursleys, and though he would wish Aunt Petunia to be the mockery of the town and for Uncle Vernon to be known as the guy with the crappiest car and raggiest lawn, he didn't actually wish them harm.
He read the rest faster.
Mum and Dad have been arrested, they've been sentenced already and Aunt Marge didn't pass the screening process. I'm a ward of the boarding school my parents signed off on, and you're… whatever fr— your people do.
They won't be out before we're both eighteen.
"For what?" Harry demanded of the page, thankfully, Dudley answered in the line.
Apparently, even possible child endangerment and neglect carries a heavy sentence. I think I screwed up when I took the stand and talked to the therapist. But I don't know that it matters, really. Your old teachers, from years ago, and the neighbours, and like random people from my dad's work, came out to testify. Everyone seemed really upset they hadn't spoken up before, and it was really weird, at least to me, that they all spoke up at the same time.
They came by the house first, asking about you. Then Mum got served, and then the police showed up.
I'm not really sure what to say. My therapist helped me draft this letter. This whole thing made me realise that maybe they were wrong.
Mum and Dad, for treating you the way they did.
And I was wrong too.
I'd say I'm sorry but I don't know if I'm sorry or if it would matter if I was. But I am sorry your friend died last year, I'm sorry your parents died, and that your godfather is a criminal and couldn't take you.
I know how that feels now, and it's rubbish.
So, I guess, good luck. I don't know if we will ever see each other again, but hope you find someone to take you in.
And for what it's worth, unlike my parents, I don't think you're a waste of space.
Your Cousin,
Dudley
Harry was left gawking at the letter, reread, and then reread it again.
He didn't understand at all what had changed at his time at Hogwarts to effect the Dursleys so drastically.
Prison.
Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia were in prison.
It was deeply satisfying and disturbing.
How had this happened?
"Harry?"
Harry passed the letter to Luna and she read between the lines.
"They were compelled."
"What?" he asked, petting the owl, thinking he would have to thank Diggle, he was the good sort.
"This happens sometimes, on notice-me-not wards, when they break. The crude ones anyway. They force people not to think about the thing behind the ward, and rationalise not thinking about it. But when the ward breaks, it just takes a bit of poking and they realise how obviously wrong what they had seen had been," Luna said.
"A ward did this?"
She nodded, "Depending on the ward, it could be charmed more on one thing than another."
Fascinated, and thinking Luna and Hermione really could get along if they had a bit more patience with each other, Harry asked, "What do you mean?"
"Some wards can be more about appearances, don't see me, but less good about warding against sound," she explained.
He nodded, "That makes sense but what would make my old muggle teachers follow up on a student who was only a few years away from adulthood."
She tapped on the paragraph where Dudley wrote they had no home. "The ward was geared to keep you from being taken away, it must have been extremely powerful to extend to your school. But people still saw the bad things, still knew what was happening, they just couldn't—"
"Say anything that would cause me to be taken away. How do you know all this?"
"Magical Creatures have natural protections work a lot like this. Most of the time, it doesn't matter, even if the wards fail and people remember, no one likes admitting they've been tricked."
Or that they are crazy, he added thinking of how many people he knew who would rather will themselves into ignorance rather than deal with any sort of contradiction.
Harry wondered if it had been Dumbledore to place that ward.
And if so…
Either Dumbledore already knew, or he would know.
And suddenly, Harry had to know, had to know if Dumbledore knew that the Dursleys were bad enough to lose their own son in court.
Luna passed him the letter.
Harry accepted it and swung his leg over the bench and store up the great hall right up to the head table.
People stopped to watch, even the other professors stopped talking to look at Harry who stood directly in front of the Headmaster.
Umbridge wasn't here because Fred and George had locked her in her office by cursing the door to be unsellable while locking the door with a muggle key.
"Good morning, Harry," Dumbledore said with a smile.
Harry nodded in answer. He held out the two sheets of paper to the Headmaster and said, "I want these back."
Dumbledore held out his hand, expression curious.
His eyes twinkled a great deal as his eyes scanned over the section about Didious Diggle. But when he began on the second page, his expression fell. Sadness and worry filled his blue eyes as he looked up at Harry with tangible concern.
And Harry knew then, knew from the open confusion on Dumbledore's expression, that he hadn't known.
He had known something, but not the extent, not the details.
Something tight and ugly released in his chest, his fear that like the prophecy, Dumbledore held all the pieces and had set the board.
A grandmaster, like Ron knew what you were going to do before you did.
But as secretive as he was, as many responsibilities as he had, as much power as he had, he was not omnipresent.
And even if he had thought Petunia the lesser evil of Harry being vulnerable in the wizarding world, or isolated from all humanity with some hermmited family, he hadn't known the price Harry had paid for that calculation.
And Albus Dumbledore had never intended Harry to suffer, never imagined the extent of his family's cruelty.
It was freeing, knowing that the world wasn't conspiring against him.
And if Dudley and Luna were right, all those adults, his art teacher and the school Liberian, and that old man who sat on the corner of an old coffee shop who had taught Harry to play chess, maybe even Mrs. Figg.
When he had asked for their help, maybe it hadn't been their choice not to listen.
Maybe they had listened, maybe they would have done something if they could have.
Maybe every person he had ever known hadn't seen the Dursleys and thought of them as a perfectly normal family with a perfectly normal life.
It didn't change anything, not now, it didn't take back everything that had happened nor the fact that no one had come.
But perhaps it did mean that Harry had truly never deserved it.
That maybe there had never been anything truly wrong with him.
And though it had been many months, Sirius's words came back to him, and only now could he begin to accept them.
I want you to listen to me very carefully, Harry. You're not a bad person. You're a very good person, who bad things have happened to.
Harry closed his eyes and sunk into the thought that, perhaps, I'm not a waste of space after all.
It probably shouldn't have taken them this long to run into trouble in the Forbidden Forest.
Too bad for the Centaurs, Luna and Harry had a backing.
They were out late, way beyond curfew, deep in the forest. But the moon was full and even in the densely packed, light spilled through.
Harry was shaking a fancy walking staff at the midnight black Hippogryph with smoky grey wing feathers.
Harry had named him Smaug, because the Hippogryph had a habit of hoarding that could rival a Niffler.
Luna adored Tolkien, Harry had asked a favour from McGonagall if he could buy the muggle book series, the Hobbit and the Trilogy, when the book store at Hogsmeade said they didn't carry or are capable of ordering muggle books.
McGonagall, as it turned out, was a half-blood. And on the next Order of the Phoenix in London, picked them up with the money he had given to her.
It was a little thing, but that he could ask McGonagall, who he would be living with for the next few years, for something non-Voldemort and non-school related had made him feel like her overtures for becoming a family were heartfelt.
"We came all the way out here, for a stick?" Harry asked Smaug, shaking the stick at him.
It was pretty dark wood, smooth to the touch, with silver leaf wrapping up the top.
Smaug stamped in place, throwing his head back.
"Go ahead," Harry said. "Be offended. We thought you were hurt."
Smaug glared at him, indignant.
"Harry," Luna said, just as he heard a brack snap.
Harry spun, so Luna was at his side, his wand raised. Smaug forgot about the stick and hurried to cover their back.
"Harry Potter," the Centaur drawled.
"Bane," Harry answered flatly, recognising the two centaurs who emerged, Bane and Ronan, who had nearly beaten Firenze to death.
Harry didn't like bullies, human or otherwise.
Ronan pulled back his bow, "How do you know his name?"
Harry kept his wand raised, "You sound confused, did your stars neglect to tell you? Or has there been an interpretation issue?"
Ronan growled, "Get out, human."
"We aren't here for our own purposes," Luna said. "We are here for theirs."
Smaug squawked-screeched in warning, flaring his wings behind them in a show of force.
Ronan's arrow tip drifted to the Hippogryph and Bane drew on Smaug, blatantly.
"I would suggest," Harry drawled in his best imitation of Snape's menacing tones. "You do not aim at the Hippogryph."
Firenze trotted up then, "Bane, Ronan, they are children."
Ronan spooked, but Bane let go of his arrow with purpose.
Harry turned the arrows into daisies with a simple transfiguration spell and Luna transfigured the bows into living vines.
The Centaurs nickered.
Smaug lowered to his knees, Luna jumped on, and Harry slung himself behind her.
"Fu-" Harry began when Smaug jerked upwards as they saw an entire herd of Centaurs beneath them.
More arrows flew their way and Harry cursed as he made more daisies.
"They can't kick us out," Luna said.
"We can't start a war," Harry said.
"We can't let them chase us out," she argued.
Harry cursed, she was right, and this could lead to a really big problem.
"Call them," Luna urged. "Your whistle is better than mine."
Harry cursed once more then whistled three distinct sounds.
As one, Luna and Harry leaned forward together as Smaug turned in the air back toward the Centaurs.
Luna and Harry began firing Transfiguration after Transfiguration spell to turn the bows and arrows into something else.
Flowers and vines mainly, the wood supporting itself toward some other type of plant.
Harry caught an arrow on the end of the staff Smaug had found stuck behind a rockfall. The staff that they wouldn't be in this mess for is the Hippogryph hadn't dragged them out here to retrieve for him.
The Centaurs seemed furious about their weapons having magic used at them, but bloodthirsty for Luna and Harry to come back within reach.
Until the Thestrals and the rest of the Hippogryphs showed up in force.
Just the full grown ones that weren't nursing there young, the foals, or were too old. They descended on the Centaurs in shrieks and flashing talons.
Harry whistled sharply as Smaug landed.
They dismounted and Luna took charge as the Hippogryphs and Thestrals spanned behind them, ready for blood.
"Enough!" Luna called to them. "These trees do not belong to you, or us, they are home. Harry and I tend these creatures because they allow us too, we have no agenda outside of them. The Ministry nor the school nor the Headmaster know we are here. This is not wizard business, it's simply the care all creatures deserve if they wish it."
Harry could only look at Luna, her hair windblown and haloing around her beneath the light of the moon.
He could only think that this is how Lady Galadriel must have looked when she wielded a sword.
Firenze stepped forward, "It is not safe for children to be here."
"Our safety is not your responsibility. One day, Harry and I will travel to far more dangerous places than the Forbidden Forest," Luna answered.
Bane stepped forward, "We will make a bargain, and if you respect the boundaries of that bargain, yourself and Potter may continue to enter the forest, though your safety will not be our herd's concern."
"Very well," Luna said, in that sharpened tone that seemed sharper due to the typical softness and airiness of her voice.
Bane motioned to the flowers and fines at their feet, "Give us back our weapons and you may follow us back to our campsite."
"Safe passage," Harry said, stepping up to be even with Luna. "Safe passage for this night and the next day."
Gellert, the Thestral, shrieked emphasis on what was going to happen if the Centaurs disagreed or went back on their word.
"Safe passage for this night and the following day," Bane agreed, giving them a glare that would surely have Umbridge falling over herself.
Harry and Luna exchanged a look and then pulled their wands, undoing the Transfiguration to reverse the flowers to bows and arrows.
They then flicked their wands, and the bows flew to the owners' hands, and arrows flew and settled back into their quivers.
Luna and Harry then followed the Centaurs deeper into the woods, to a place Harry had never ventured before. Of the Thestrals, only Gellert followed, and of the Hippogryphs, Smaug.
Before they spoke, the Centaurs passed them food, which apparently was traditional. As well as apple cider that may have been a tad fermented.
And then they talked.
The Centaurs, who had been watching, asked about what they had been doing in the forest.
Luna and Harry described the births, the random tasks the various animals asked of them —like finding shiny objects for Smaug—, and so and so forth.
When the Centaurs realized that the school really had no part of this, not even Hagrid who would have of course been gleeful at these antics, the Centaurs began sharing their own stories.
Harry was thankful that Firenze stayed mostly out of the discussion. He wouldn't be exiled this time for helping Harry.
The discussion drifted to the stars, and though Luna didn't take Divinations, she was the top student in Astronomy, higher even than Hermione had managed.
Luna did not tell the Centaurs what she knew or any jumps of logic she made of the future, but her understanding of the galaxy and the universe beyond was so advanced that she was able to ask relevant questions.
They talked until dawn.
When it finally came time for them to return for breakfast, the Centaurs, Bane and Ronan, who had been so ready to hate them, didn't want to let Luna go. So they brought them breakfast.
But finally, after a very strange salad —made of plants and nuts Harry was unfimilar with save for the bits of pumpkin— they had to go.
Harry chided Gellert back to his herd, while Luna mounted Smaug. He followed shortly after, wrapping his arms around her against the morning chill now that they were away from the campfire.
Luna waved to the Centaurs and they waved back.
"You two, and you two alone, are welcome back," Bane said.
Harry caught Firenze hiding a smile.
"Thank you," Luna said, with a final wave before Smaug took a running jump back to the skies.
"How dramatic do you want to be?" Harry asked as they approached the school.
Luna looked over her shoulder to catch his gaze, there was pure mischief in her blue-silver eyes and Harry grinned.
He raised his wand, opening the doors.
And they flew on wings hued of charcoal and ash into the halls of Hogwarts.
Smaug came to a stop right in front of the wall of edicts as many teachers and students were coming out of breakfast.
The horror and outrage on Umbridge's face was downright heartwarming.
She recovered as McGonagall, Snape, Dumbledore, Flitwick, and Madame Pomfrey stood, various shades of surprise and entertained at the tantrum Umbridge was launching into.
"... Explosion!" she finished her rant, squeaking a moment later as Smaug flared his wings.
Harry looked up at the edicts, humming as he 'read' them, "Huh, would you look at that, nothing about hanging out on the grounds. Also, nothing about riding Hippogryphs into the school halls."
Umbridge stuttered, too angry to form words.
Harry nodded to her as if she had responded, "You're welcome for the inspiration. For edict, what are we on now, edict twenty-four?"
"You aren't allowed in the Forbidden Forest," she said, trembling in fury.
"We don't need to go there, the Hippogryphs come when we call," Luna said lightly.
Harry whistled and the Hippogryph who was munching on bacon left on the breakfast table, took one last swallow before trotting over to them and headbutting Harry's shoulder for pets.
Draco was gaping at them, paler than normal.
"Those are dangerous animals!" Umbridge exploded.
"Magic is also dangerous," Harry said sagely.
Harry rubbed the Hippogryph's neck, and Harry gave him one more pat before encouraging the Hippogryph to head back before Umbridge remembered she had a wand to do terrible things with.
Dumbledore cleared his throat, eyes twinkling madly as he said, "I believe it is time to get back to class."
"Without reprimanding them!?" Umbridge asked, in a distinctly Vernon sort of way.
"As Mr. Potter said," Flitwick said, stepping forward. "There are no edicts against befriending Hippogryphs. Ten points to Ravenclaw and Gryffindor taking the initiative for Care of Magical Creatures."
Umbridge's jaw was practically unhinged at this point.
"Move along, everyone," McGonagall said, though she gave Harry and Luna a wink as the crowd moved on.
Ron, Hermoine, and Weasley twins caught up to them.
"That was wicked," Fred and George said together.
"What's with the staff?" Ron asked.
"What's with the arrow?" Fred added.
"Hippogryph acting like Niffler," Harry answered Ron.
"Centaurs," Luna answered Fred.
"Is that where you two disappear to all the time?" Hermione asked.
Harry smirked but didn't give a verbal answer as the portraits tracked them through the halls.
AN: Thoughts on the chapter, cherry barbs, or feedback, pretty please?