When I wake up, my mind is cloudy and I feel like I am floating. I'm not sure if it is the effects of the tranquilium, my current mental state, or both-- it is probably both. My vision is fuzzy, but it slowly starts to come into focus with a few blinks. It has been quite a few days since I have slept without the help of drugs, perhaps that's why I am not sure where I am right now. Once my sight is clear, I see Finnick asleep on a cot beside me. Oh yeah, I am in District 13, the safest I've probably ever been, and with Finn. He grasps his pillow between his arms, his face squished against the back of his hand, his nose twitches a little bit, one of his cute sleep quirks. As I watch him, I become a little teary eyed, I thought I'd never see his lovely, sleepy face ever again. He looks cozy, it reminds me of our mornings back home in District 4. Waking up with him beside me, reaching for him if we weren't already tangled together in our sleep.

His eyelids flutter open, he shoots upward with a deep inhale, rubs his eyes and looks to me. "Annie" he sighs as he tiredly rolls off his cot and makes his way to my bedside. I reach up for him, holding his face in my hands. He cups my face in his own, that merry daze we were in yesterday comes back to me as I look into this eyes, but he begins to cry.

"I'm so sorry" he sniffles, "I agreed to the plan a-and they said they were going to go back for you, we were going to get you from District 4 but the Capitol g-got you before we could and- I'm so sorry.. I'm-" I cut him off.

"Finn, if you did not agree to their plan, we would both be dead. I would have been murdered with the other District 4 victors and you would have either died in the arena, or ended up in the Capitol with me. Where would we be then?" I remind him, teary eyed. When I was taken from the Victor's Village, I saw one of the male victors, Arnav Trough, who lived 2 houses down from me, get shot dead. The Victors Purge, the Peacekeepers called it, and that would have been me if Snow didn't have Finnick as an excuse to keep me alive.

"I know, but Snow hurt you because of me. He used you as bait, h-he made sure to hurt you... in ways that would hurt me too" he chokes out. He is right, Snow did use me against Finnick, I figured at much as much when he had the Peacekeepers assault me, when he mentioned how much Finnick must miss me. After years of him selling Finnick to people in The Capitol, years of abusing him, and the past five years of Finnick trying to protect me from Snow's harm-- he knew that it would hurt Finnick most if all his efforts of protecting me failed, and if I went through the same type of violence that he did. I'm sure Snow made sure my attackers were extra cruel too, the more bruises left on my skin, the better. And it worked.

"Finnick, there is nothing you could have done to stop Snow from doing what he did. Nothing. Snow does what he wants, and he wanted me hurt, he wanted us hurt. It is a miracle he even let me live," I say almost sternly. I want him to understand, and I think I am frustrated by him blaming himself so much. I don't want to ignore Finnick's feelings, but I am hurting so bad right now. I am angry at Snow, I am angry at the Peacekeepers, but Finnick is angry with himself. And I want him to be angry at them, with me. And I don't want to talk right now, I want comfort, I want to be held, and I want to hold him. I hate Snow, he is the one to blame.

He nods, his eyes still blinking out tears, "You're right, I'm sorry Annie," he says, seemingly understanding why I am so irritated.

My anger, fear, and sadness take over, and I begin to weep, "Please..." I whimper while grabbing his arm, tugging him towards me. He knows exactly what I am asking for, of course he does. He lifts the blanket and slips under it, I scoot over to give him more room, he wraps his arms around me as I pull the blanket over us, burying my face into his chest, melting into him. We softly cry together, I squeeze him in my arms as he lightly strokes my head and back, careful not to touch my bruises too hard.

We lie like this, falling in and out of sleep, for probably a little over an hour before I look up at him and break the silence. Finally bringing up the terrible subject we have both been avoiding.

"Mags.. she's gone," I say with disbelief.

Finnick squeezes his eyes shut, "I know.." My grasp on him becomes more snug, we sit in silence together while we both process her loss. My eyes burn as I think about how I never even got to say goodbye, I hope she knows I love her, that I am grateful for everything she's done for me. That I can never repay her, or forgive myself, for her dying for me. That I am sorry. "I miss her so much," Finnick snivels. "Me too, Finnick," I respond, too tired to unpack my heavy feelings right now.

Mags was a motherly figure to Finnick. She was his mentor when he was in The Games, and after he won, he ceased contact with his already distant, living relatives. His mom had passed away when he was little, his dad was who-knows-where, and all of that left Finnick a fourteen year old, orphan. But Mags took him in as her own and gave him the love and guidance he so desperately needed. Before I was in the picture, it was Mags and Finnick against the world. To me, Mags felt like a grandmother, a loving, honest, stern but gentle, force in my life. Full of wisdom and compassion, she was the one who coaxed me out of my house when I moved into the Victor's Village. I isolated myself in my dark, lonely mansion and only came out to go sit on the beach, or uneasily get groceries. I was too scared, embarrassed, and depressed to try talking to any of the other Victors, who all seemed to keep to themselves, including Finnick. I thought no one would want to talk to me, I assumed everyone thought I was nuts. But Mags came and knocked on my door with a seafood casserole in hand, invited me to come over the next morning for breakfast, and the world became a whole lot more brighter from there.

We say nothing more about her right now, the wound is far too fresh for us to handle it. We both feel too much guilt and grief, if I talk about Mags any more right now I might have another breakdown. So I change the topic, "Peeta and Johanna, are they alright?"

Finnick sighs, "Johanna is as okay as she can be, she is drugged out on morphling, she won't talk to anyone, and keeps trying to hit the doctors". I feel so bad for Johanna, she's been through so much and she has no one to comfort her right now. I am lucky I have Finn. I tell him about Johanna and I, how we bonded in the room-- well, really it was a cell, that we were kept in. How we comforted one another until our separation. Finnick is glad that we had each other, at least for the first month or so.

"Peeta, he attacked Katniss last night," he tells me.

"What? Why?" I ask, baffled by what he's just shared. Why would Peeta, who's sweet and kind hearted, who's madly in love with Katniss and risked his life for her countless times, attack her?

"He was hijacked", I furrow my eyebrows in confusion, "Hijacked?"

"The Capitol can use tracker jacker venom to alter a person's memories. They injected him with it and told him lies so he would hallucinate new, scary versions of them. So now, he thinks Katniss is evil and wants to hurt him," he sorrowfully states. I can't imagine how sad that must be, to have someone you love, someone you tried so hard to protect, be afraid of you. And poor Peeta, tracker jacker venom is nasty stuff, I remember the hive Katniss cut down during her games, that girl from 1 who was stung to death. Tracker jacker venom is brutal.

"She really does love him too, Katniss does. I thought it was all for show until his heart stopped in the arena... She is currently in the hospital, and they aren't sure how they're going to get Peeta back to normal," he says. I knew Katniss must have loved Peeta in some way, even if it was just as friends, why else would she have been so willing to die for him? But Finnick never believed it.

"Wow, that's awful..." It's all I can manage to say as I sort through my thoughts. Thinking of what all of this could mean for Peeta's future, for Katniss's.

"Is he okay? Where is he?" I finally ask.

He looks down at our clasped hands and rubs my thumb with his, "One of the doctors told me they put him in his own room, he needs to be restrained right now so he can't hurt anyone,"

"Can they reverse it?" I ask.

"From the little bits of information I heard last night, they aren't sure if they can reverse it. There's no evidence of it ever being cured," he sadly admits. The thought of the kind, optimistic Peeta I met in The Capitol being gone forever makes me sad.

"I met Peeta while we were captured, he was kind and comforting. He held my hand when I was panicked, he even got Johanna to hold his hand," I manage a small laugh. Finnick raises his eyebrows, we both know how Johanna is not one to give physical affection.

"Peeta is one of the better people in this world," Finnick says. He really is. I think again of Johanna, I don't know if anyone has been in to visit her. She must feel really lonely and scared.

"We should go see Johanna," I say.

"I don't know..." Finnick says, "Maybe it wouldn't be a good idea... I don't want you to get more hurt, you should rest,"

"But I want to see her, last time I saw her I was being dragged away from her by Peacekeepers. I want to make sure she is okay, and I am very good at comforting people," I remind him.

He smiles at me for the first time today, "You've got a big heart, you know," He says as he boops my nose with his fingertip, I pinch his cheek in response, we both quietly chuckle at the silly exchange. He holds my face in his hands and softly kisses me before tucking my hair behind my ear.

"We can go check on her, she is right down the hall... Do you think you're okay to get up?" he asks while propping himself up on his elbow.

"I don't know, we'll see I guess," I sit up and pull my legs out from under the blankets as Finnick makes his way to my side of the bed, grabs my hands and pulls me to my feet. I stand on my achy legs, instantly wishing I never got up, but I push through my discomfort. I want to see Johanna too badly to lay back down now. My move my weary limbs and grab the pole that holds my IV while Finnick takes my other hand and helps me walk. We slowly make our way down the hall until we reach Johanna's room, separated from the hallway and other beds in the hospital wing, by a curtain. Finnick pushes it ajar and we both peek in, Johanna lies in her bed, unmoving, her cuts have become scabs, and she appears to have a few stitches. Her mouth is hung open slightly as she stares at the foot of the bed. I push the curtain open and move towards her with the help of Finnick.

"Hey Jo," Finnick says softly. "Hi." she responds seconds later, her voice hoarse.

I limp to her bedside, "Do you mind if we sit with you?" I ask, she nods in response, still not looking at us. I let go of Finnick's hand so I can sit myself next to her, Finnick takes a seat on her other side.

"I am glad to see you again, Jo. I was worried about you," Finnick tells her, he carefully rests his hand on her arm. For a second, I think I see a ghost of a smile on Johanna's gaunt, bruised face.

"Are you okay?" I ask her, knowing the answer is no. But I don't know how else to express that I care about her well being. "What do you think?" she says flippantly, finally looking in my direction. I regret asking her that, I wish I would have said something else, but I don't know what the right thing to say would be. She he pauses regretfully and says, "I'm better than I was a day ago," with less venom in her voice. She tilts her head towards me, "Are you okay, Annie?" I can see the concern in her eyes. I don't know what she knows about what happened to me in The Capitol, but I think she's put some of the pieces together.

"Not really. But I am also much better than I was a day ago," I say shyly. As much as I care for Johanna, and I know she cares for me, she still makes me nervous. To my surprise, she reaches for my hand and grabs it, she holds Finnick's too. She squeezes her eyelids shut really hard and throws her head back into her pillow. I think she is trying to stop herself from crying. I want her to know that it is okay to cry, but I don't think I should say anything right now. The three of us sit together in silence, Finnick weeps more, and I too succumb to my tears.

After a while, a few doctors come in and ask Finnick and I to leave so they can work with Johanna. She looks upset and irritated by this, but we let her go and say our goodbyes. I also need to rest, and eat breakfast -- and bathe. I remember that I have not yet bathed since I came back from The Capitol, the realization leaves me feeling disgusting and soiled. The nurses wiped me down the best they could last night, but I don't think I'll feel clean until I can scrub myself and rinse whatever's left of The Capitol and the Peacekeepers down the drain. I am not allowed to be alone when bathing so Finnick sits outside the door, I assume that this is because I am injured and I may need someone to help me if I am too sore. But a part of me thinks it's because, even in District 13, everyone thinks I am mad. I forget they see all The Capitol propaganda too. But right now, I am unstable, so I'm glad Finnick is outside, just in case I need him.

I sit on the floor of the shower and scrub myself vigorously, my skin tingles and stings from my roughness, but it's far more tolerable than the dirtiness I feel in every pore and crevice of my being. I wash my oily, tangled hair, relieved to finally have all of the dirt out of it. As I pull my fingers through the knots, a memory intrudes my mind. Peacekeepers yanking on my hair as they force themselves on me, my scalp aching from the tension. The memory makes me quiver, my hairs stand on end. I pull my hands away and bury my face in them, shampoo runs down my forehead, threatening to get in my eyes, but I can't bring myself to wash it away. I rock back and forth, attempting to comfort myself. In the stress of it all, I whine out in agony. I am in anguish about the state of the world, about our circumstances, about what happened to me, Mags, everyone.

Finnick must have heard my wailing because I hear his footsteps, "Honey, are you okay?" he asks tenderly.

"Yeah I am fine, just give me a second," I compose myself enough to blurt out. I take a deep breath and lean back into the stream of water, washing the shampoo off my face and hair. I put some conditioner in my hair in hopes that it will help get the tangles out. After rinsing down, I step out of the shower, my skin is red and irritated, I wrap a towel around myself as I look in the mirror at my battered frame.

"Can I come in?" Finnick asks. "Yeah," I reply.

I sit down on the toilet seat, he grabs the stool from beside the tub and sets himself down. My eyes meet his, and with that, I burst into tears. He takes my hand in his, "Annie, talk to me" he asks. I hesitate for a moment, not knowing if I want to open the box of emotions that are brewing inside me, but I can't keep them in any longer.

"I- I can't even brush my fucking hair," I exclaim, "Because of them... it- it hurts, and it reminds me of their ha- hands... I feel gross and tainted," I sob, "I hate them! I hate them so much!" Finnick nods in understanding, he too knows how this feels.

His lips form a frown, his eyes sad, "I know, I hate them too. I'd kill them if I could," he admits. A part of me feels satisfied when he says this, it is good to know that he is on my side. That he is just as angry as I am, I think I'd kill them too. He stares at the tiles on the floor, giving my hand a squeeze. "Can I hug you?" he asks. I practically throw myself on him, wrapping my arms around his neck. He pulls me onto his lap and rests his head on my shoulder, not caring that I am soaked.

I dry off and change into a clean gown, I feel bad that I dampened Finnick's clothes but he doesn't seem to care. We sit on the bed and he helps me brush my hair. I try to untangle it as quickly as possible so I can get it over with, but the brush gets stuck. My scalp begins to sting from my aggressive combing, I wince with frustration as I try to get the brush out.

"Hey, hey, hey... Slow down there," he says, "Is it okay if I try?" he asks, looking down at me. I nod and he takes the brush from my hands, releasing it from the net of hair it was stuck in. He begins to work the knots out, he is gentle and and patient as he gingerly combs the tangles out of my long hair. Surprisingly, I feel relaxed. His soft touch is soothing and healing, I finally calm down as he grips my hair at the root and leisurely runs the brush through each strand. His touch feels as if it is replacing all of the violence that came before it. The viciousness I have been victim of feels farther and farther away. I exhale and close my eyes, I feel safe again.

Finnick and I eat breakfast in the hospital wing on my bed. Dr. Galen says I am very malnourished, so she is giving me calorie-dense snacks between meals to help me gain weight and cure my deficiencies. They are discharging me tomorrow, then I will go with Finnick to his assigned quarter, Compartment 330-- which is now going to be our new home.

All of the sudden, Haymitch walks through the open curtain, "Hey," he says with a shy smile, "How are you both?"

"Um, we're fine," Finnick says with a slight shrug, his voice uncertain. I keep eating quietly because I don't know what to say, I don't know Haymitch that well. I have met him a few times and he has always been very nice, usually quite drunk too. But I think he is sober now, he seems serious and alert, and there's a slightly anxiousness to him.

"Well, Annie, it seems we have a lot of explaining to do.. Only if you feel ready to hear it though," he says carefully.

"I'm ready," I reply.

Haymitch, with the help of Finnick, tells me everything. What happened after The Reaping, Finnick's role in it, his role, the other Rebel Leaders, how they needed Katniss to be Mockingjay. How Plutarch, and some other Capitol citizens waited years for this opportunity. He tells me about the rebellions in the districts, how the rebels plan to kill Snow, how they planned to get me from District 4 but failed to do so, and he apologized for what happened because of their failure.

"I forgive you," I say in response to his apology, he nods and looks down at his feet. I am especially happy with the rebel's plans to kill Snow, the person who's to blame for everything. It feels wrong to be so excited at the thought of someone's death, but there are some people who are too despicable to deserve mercy.

"So, what am I going to do when I am better?" I ask. I want to be involved, I want to be part of the plan.

"Huh. Well... We haven't talked about a role for you... For now, assembly lines, I guess," he says.

"I think I could be a lot more useful than that," I say.

"I think so too, but we are going to have to convince everyone else," he says, pursing his lips.

"Annie, as much as it pisses me off, people around here think you're completely mad because that is all they have seen of you from The Capitol" Finnick chimes in.

"I know, and they should know that is wrong. How that's a lie that The Capitol made to defend The Games," I say passionately, "I could make propos, like Finnick and Katniss have, you could let me in on your meetings, or something. I don't want to just do assembly lines,"

Haymitch slowly nods, "I agree with you Annie, I think you deserve to be more involved. I think you'd be an incredibly useful addition to the Rebel Leaders," he pauses for a moment, "How about I talk to Coin and Plutarch, and we can call you into Command. We can have a meeting and talk about this, alright?"

"Alright.. thank you Haymitch,"

With that, he exits through the curtain opening, leaving Finn and I alone. "Well, I too think you'd be a very useful, and fantastic, intelligent, passionate, and rather beautiful addition to the team, Soldier Cresta," Finnick says playfully with a little smirk.

"No more than you, Soldier Odair," I giggle.

Giddy and giggly, we finish the rest of our food, which is now a little cold. We continuously glance at each other, smiling like idiots, both filled with joy at the fact we get to be in each others presence. I never want him to lose him like that ever again, and I know I never will.

"We can do whatever we want now, you know," Finnick says with a grin, "We don't need to pretend we aren't in love, anywhere, ever again."

I beam at the thought of this, "So.. we can kiss, hold hands, hug, all we want. We never have to worry about Snow," I add in disbelief. We never thought this would be a reality, that we could be seen together in public, that Finnick would ever be free from his mandatory Capitol visits. We had to be okay with the fact that we could never get married, never show affection anywhere but inside our homes, and never have children, but it was worth it if it meant we got to be together.

"We could get married, you know," I say.

Finnick looks up from his plate, his eyes meet mine, twinkling at my words, "We could. Are you proposing to me right now, Annie Cresta?" he asks flirtatiously.

"Will you marry me, Finnick?"

"Yes, a million times, yes,"