Title: Home and Heart
A Buffy the Vampire Slayer story.
By: Ghostrider
Summary: What happens when your heart is ripped apart by those you love? A slayerette's return after years of absence causes old wounds to be ripped open.
Rating: R
Authors Notes: This story takes place approximately 8 years after the events in the this season's last episode. Personally, I don't like the ending, it's too convenient. So I rewrote it to what I would have wanted to see. Furthermore, I would like to thank my Beta-readers Ozmandayus, Banquo and Scb047 for everything they've done.
Disclaimer: Joss Whedon, Fox, Mutant Enemy, the WB and UPN own the characters.
Chapter 5
** Begin flashback, about 8 years ago **
Xander quietly made his way out of the hospitalroom, trying hard not to stumble. He was still in pain but since he'd woken up two days ago, nobody had been in to visit him. He was getting seriously worried, hoping that Glory really was death and the memory not something from a feverish dream; if she wasn't, him not getting any visitors might mean that the others were either still running, or dead. He shuddered at the last thought, not wanting to think of that possibility.
The last thing he remembered before he woke up in the hospital, was the huge fight against Glory. She'd taken Dawn and was ready to perform the ceremony to return to her realm when the Scoobies had attacked. Glory was about to open the portal when Buffy had attacked her. They'd battled viciously, giving no quarter; Buffy fighting to save her sister, Glory to return home at any cost.
As the portal grew larger, the time to sacrifice Dawn to release the power of the Key grew shorter. Glory managed to knock Buffy onto the ground, hard enough to daze her. Xander saw Glory raising the sword to kill the Slayer; hacking his way through Glory's minions, he managed to deflect the blade enough so that it slammed into the ground. Now Xander began to fight the angry Goddess, long-buried instincts coming to the fore. The Hyena spirit, tempered by the soldier's experience and tactical mind combining with Xander's own courage combined to make a deadly machine as he drove her backwards, ever nearer to the opened portal.
Glory looked into the young man's eyes, seeing determination, anger, even a touch of madness in their depths. It was enough. The distraction created an opening and Xander pounced on it, his sword penetrating the soft flesh of Glory's belly as he shoved the sword through her to the hilt.
"Nobody hurts my friends."
A look of disbelief colored Glory's face as she felt herself being lifted off the ground, the pain of being impaled not even registering on her mind. Before she could do anything to save herself, her body was hurtling towards the portal. A scream of the deepest agony and despair assaulted everyone's ears as Glory's body disintegrated on impact, the portal's power ripping her apart.
Xander turned around and walked over to the dais where Dawn was tied to, cutting her bonds with his sword. Carefully lifting the girl up, he set her down on the ground; she clung to him as her body shook with silent sobs, not quite believing it was all over and she was still alive. Pushing herself back a ways from him, Dawn tried to speak but no words came, she just hugged him tighter. Feeling his grip on her relax, it took a moment for her to realize what was happening.
Xander toppled backwards, landing on his back with a thud; the look on Dawn's face turned from questioning to horror as she saw the massive dark stain on his shirt, the blood running down already soaking his pants. The scream that tore from her throat echoed through the room for what seemed like an eternity.
When he came up from his musings, Xander noticed that he'd reached Giles' place. The watcher still lived here, although he was planning to move in with Buffy and Dawn soon. Seeing the light on, a sense of relief watched over the young man. At least someone was home and if it were Giles, that would mean the others were save too. Quickly making his way to the front door, he forgot completely that he hadn't had a visitor in days at the hospital. His friends were all right, that was all that counted.
As he was about to knock on the front door, he passed by the window next to it. Glancing inside, he saw all his friends sitting there, drinking tea. A huge smile crossed his face, seeing them all well. He just stood there, soaking it in, this feeling of belonging. They were back together again, withering another storm that had threatened to suck them in and chew them up. Then the words being spoken within caught his attention and suddenly, he felt as if the whole world had punched him in the gut. Words he would remember for the rest of his life as they burned their way into his memory.
"He can't come on patrol with me anymore. It's just too dangerous; you saw what happened? He almost got himself killed again, for the umpteenth time! He has no skills, is worthless in battle and always gets in the way."
"Buffy, you don't have to be so negative. I do agree with you but don't you think it's something he has to decide for himself?"
"No, Willow, you know how he is. He'll whine and bitch about it and insist that he can contribute, but we all know that isn't true. He was at death's door when we brought him to the hospital."
"I'm afraid Buffy is right, Willow. Xander has no combat skills at all. You and Tara have your wiccan powers, I am a Watcher and have been trained in many forms of martial arts. Spike... well, as much as I want to deny it, he has proven to be quite the ally. Xander would only bring more danger upon us as we try to keep him safe during the fighting. A distraction like that could kill any one of us; think of the guilt that would cause him."
"I know all that but with all that has happened... I mean, does he even know Anya is dead? If he finds out and hears that we don't want him along, who knows what he'll do? Xander will not take this lying down."
Xander thought his heart had stopped beating at the mention of them not allowing him to help them anymore. But at the mention of Anya's death, his heart started beating double-time, so loud, it drummed in his ears. It felt as if all the air had been knocked out of him. Turning back to the room, hoping against everything that what he'd heard was someone's sick idea of a joke, he continued listening in.
"That's what I'm afraid of, that he'll do something stupid, like seeking revenge by going up against a bunch of vamps. What if he decides to walk into Willy's bar to pick a fight? How do we protect him? I'm not loosing anymore people, Willow."
"But if we don't keep him close, he'll go out alone, Buffy."
"Then we keep him at home, someone needs to stay with him. He can baby-sit Dawn when I'm out patrolling."
"The idea has merit, Buffy. I'm sure Dawn will benefit from Xander's presence, as will he. They can help each other heal, as can we all. Things will be calm for the time being, I surmise."
Xander walked backwards, stunned beyond belief. Anya was dead, his so-called friends hadn't had the decency to even visit him in the hospital and now they thought of him as useless, not fit to be anything but a babysitter. The dream from the First Slayer popped back into his mind, the sequence of Apocalypse Now with Snyder. The image of his father busting open the door to his basement, getting ready to beat him again. The feeling when the First Slayer gutted him, ripped his heart out, intermingled with Glory's last strike against him. It felt just like that time, the incredible pain of his heart being torn from his body. Anya's face, Cordelia, Willow, Faith, Buffy, Dawn, Tara, Joyce, the faces of all the people he'd known that had been killed by vamps and demons, ran through his mind's eye like mad film reel. And through it all, the one sentence kept playing through his mind, over and over and over.
'You're useless, nothing but a waste of space. You're useless, nothing but a waste of space.'
Finally, as if by some mystical force, his mind cleared and Xander found himself in the cemetery where Joyce Summers was buried, in front of her grave. Looking at her name and dates of birth and dead, he finally broke down. A heart-wrenching sob spilled from his lips as his beaten body fell to its knees. The tears came unbidden in a torrent, his hands in his lap. He cried for her, he cried for Anya, for Dawn who would never know the love of a mother again. He cried for all those that had died because of all the evil in the world but most of all, he cried for himself. He cried because he couldn't do anything to stop the killing, to stop the death of innocence. When the tears stopped, the sun was slowly ascending to its rightful place, signaling the dawn of a new day.
"No more. No more", he whispered as his hands traced over the letters on Joyce's headstone.
"I made you a promise, mom, to take care of your daughters", he said softly, almost in a whisper, acknowledging for the first time how he thought of Joyce Summers. She had been more of a mother to him then his own had ever been and he'd loved her dearly. Her death had shaken him to the core, but he'd put it aside, to be there for Buffy and Dawn.
"I made you a promise and I intend to keep it. I just can't do it here. I'm leaving, mom, but I'm keeping my promise, they'll never want for anything as long as I live. But I'm making another promise to you today. I'll do everything in my power to stop evil from taking any more innocent lives. Be it man or demon, I will destroy it wherever I find it. I'm through being the useless sidekick, the funnyman. I'm going to make a difference, one way or another. This is my solemn vow to you", he concluded, kissing his fingers and placing them on the headstone. The soft gust of wind felt like a caress; he imagined it being Joyce's fingers softly stroking his cheek and ruffling his hair, offering him support and love. Xander got up and walked unsteadily away, back into town. It was time to make good on his promise.
** End flashback **
The girls all had tears in their eyes, too choked up to speak. Giles removed his glasses, cleaning them, a sure sign that he was thinking of a response to the cryptic words spoken by the young man he'd grown to love as if he were his own son.
Buffy felt like her heart had died again at the revelation of the extent of his pain she could clearly hear in his voice. She wanted to die right there, by his hands, knowing exactly what he was talking about. How he'd find out, she could only guess but it was clearly the reason why he'd gone away and left them. Left her. Him killing her right now would be a suitable revenge for all the pain she'd caused him in his life, she thought as hot tears ran unbidden down her cheeks. She took a shaky breath.
'I'm sorry, Xander, so sorry. How will you ever be able to forgive me', she thought.
"Xan, please. I didn't want you to get hurt", Buffy whispered.
"Hurt, slayer? Don't make me laugh", he sneered in her ear. "All you've ever done is hurt me. At least with Cordy, I knew that she'd do it, every single day. She was after all Queen C. What I had forgotten was that you were the Cordelia Chase of Hemery High and boy, did you show me when you got to college."
Another piece of Cordelia's heart broke at his loudly spoken words, thinking back to all the cruel things she'd done and said to Xander and everyone else when they were in High School. It seemed everything finally got too much for her friend and turned him into this dark, murderous avenging angel before her.
"Remember the dance? You ripped my heart out on the dancefloor, stepped on it and ground it into a million pieces. For what? So you could make Deadboy there jealous. That's all I ever was to you, the convenient idiot that could make you feel good about yourself, how superior you were. Well, no more, Buffy."
"I'm sorry about that. I'm sorry about everything I've ever done to you, Xander. Please, please forgive me."
"And that is supposed to make things better? Forget it, you can't ever begin to apologize enough, Slayer. As I said before, I'm here because some big evil is in town, bigger then you've ever faced. If it weren't for those rotten dreams, I wouldn't even be here. Guess the PTB want me to kick some demon six again and keep you safe. Why, I don't have a clue. It's not like you've never unleashed a monster on the town."
With that, he threw Buffy forward, crashing her into Faith, Cassandra and Willow who all went down in a tangle of arms and legs. Angel and Wesley moved towards Xander, intent on taking him down; he threw his cigar at Angel, making the vampire duck sideways, simultaneously pulling out a KZ-45 handgun. The gun discharged, the .45 caliber jacketed hollow point ripping through Angel's shoulder. The power of the almost point blank fired round caused Angel to rotate around his axis and fall flat on his face, the pain almost unbearable.
Bringing the gun up in a leftward arc, he aimed it at Wesley's face even before the spent shellcasing had hit the floor. Motioning with the gun, Xander ordered Wesley to move backwards.
"Don't worry, Deadboy, you're a vampire. It'll heal in no time. Besides, I've got a promise to keep to you, don't I?"
Seeing that nobody was moving, Xander backed away, putting the gun back in its holster.
"As I said, I'll be around tomorrow to check out what you've found out about our 'friend'. And please, don't do something so obvious as to try and follow me."
With those words, he stepped out of the door and into the night. As soon as he was out the door, Buffy, Faith, Willow and Cassandra ran after him. Once on the sidewalk, they looked in all directions, finding no sign of him.
"Damn it! Where did he go?"
"No one can disappear that fast."
"Seems like he took lessons from Angel, B."
"We've got to find him, Buffy. We just have to find him. I can't lose him again. I wouldn't survive! Please, we've got to find him."
Willow was nearly hysterical, babbling on a mile a minute, wringing her hands. Buffy pulled her into a tight hug, running her hands up and down her back slowly, murmuring comforting words in her ear.
"Yeah, we'll find him, then I'll wrap his spleen around his throat", an angry Cassandra said.
"You do that, C. and the Council is gonna have ta find a new Slayer to replace you."
Surprised, Cassandra turned towards Faith.
"What's the matter with you? You protecting that maniac after what he did to Angel?"
"Angel deserved it. You weren't here so don't start acting all macho, girlfriend. Besides, it's not like it's gonna kill him. Boy toy just let the souled one know that this time, he'd better behave himself."
Cassandra walked up to Faith, standing toe-to-toe.
"I don't know what your problem is, Faith, but Angel is one of us. Nobody, NOBODY hurts any of us, no matter what their past. If that weren't the case, I'd beat you to an inch of your life then dump you in the nearest nest."
"Bring it on, girl, anytime, anywhere, anyplace."
"Will you two stop with the testosterone overload? Nobody touches Xander. I may not agree with what he just did, but I can understand it. You weren't here, Cassandra. Angelus killed a lot of innocent people to get to Buffy and she couldn't stop him! Friends of ours, people we went to school with. So don't you dare say anything about Xander!"
Willow was screaming now as Buffy held her back, fearful what the small Wicca would do if she got loose.
"Willow, calm down, please! We'll find Xander, I promise, but I need you to focus! Focus, Will!"
Finally, Willow stopped ranting and struggling, her eyes catching Buffy's. Within an instant, both girls were in each others arms, holding on for dear life.
"He's alive, Buffy, he's alive."
"I know, I know."
As they clung to each other, Faith walked up, putting her hands on both women's shoulders. Buffy was the first to look up; seeing the watery sheen in Faith's eyes, she quickly pulled the dark-haired slayer into the embrace. Three women, one his best friend since childhood, one the love of his life and the tormentor of his soul, one a kindred spirit and former lover, three women who all loved him in their own way, held each other, crying for their friend. Crying for all the pain they'd caused him, whether by choice or unknowingly.
"Why don't you all come inside?"
Looking up, they saw Cordelia in the shop's doorway, her hands folded around herself, as if warding off the chill in the air. Her eyes were swollen, her cheeks were red. Faith was the first to move, holding Cordelia tightly; Willow and Buffy following. Cassandra was left standing there, watching the group hug, not understanding why these women she looked up to were in such a sorry state about one man. A man whose loyalties were in question, it seemed to her. As they made their way inside, she saw that Angel seemed to be doing better. Giles and Wesley had bandaged the shoulder wound; it would have healed by morning. Walking up to Spike, she pulled him into a corner.
"Care to tell me what the hell all this is?"
"Girl, you just met the missing link. Or rather, the heart of this group, only they didn't know it until they pushed him away."
"What do you mean?"
"You buy me a bottle of Cardhu and I might tell ya, Cassiopeia."
"Spike!"
"Xander Harris was the glue that held the group together. Haven't you noticed that these bleedin' idiots, for all the fun they have, all the things they do, carry around a melancholy undertone? That sometimes, they just sit around and stare at something only they can see?"
At Cassandra's affirmative nod, Spike continued.
"If it wasn't for that bloody fool, Summers wouldn't be alive. Hell, nobody in this room would be alive today. Not Summers, not Faith, not Dawn, Red or Tara. Not Rupert nor Wesley. He saved each one of them on one occasion or another. No powers, no destiny, he just did what he thought was right. And when he left, he took that bleedin' huge heart of him with him, effectively killing the group. It's a wonder they're still alive. So don't get any ideas of hurting the man, you'll have a very pissed of group after you. Including me."
"You", she asked incredulously.
"Yeah, doll, me. He's the only person in the last decade who could verbally spar with me and make me eat crow."
Cassandra was amazed, no, shocked would be a better word. Spike's words were as close as an admission that he considered Harris a friend. He'd never admitted that about anyone of their little group. Oh, he'd admitted he'd had a crush on Buffy. He'd admitted he tolerated Giles but then, he was also English and they both enjoyed the cricket and snooker championships. And although he would never admit it, Dawn had him wrapped around her little finger. But never had he so clearly stated that he liked someone. Whoever this Xander Harris character was, she'd keep an even closer watch on him. The others devotion to the man they thought they knew could very well be their downfall.
*** 2123 PM, July 12th, Jameson Trucking, Sunnydale, CA ***
Xander stepped off the Triumph Speed Triple motorcycle, shutting down the engine. The Jameson Trucking building had been abandoned years ago, when the company was sold off to a national trucking company that had moved into a larger complex. The building had been sold to an offshore investment firm a few months ago; shortly thereafter, a wicca high priestess was sent to bind the building, making it impossible for vampires and demons to remain there or gain access. Since then, the body count in the area had fallen dramatically.
Discarding his helmet, duster and weapons, he walked over to the bathroom, pulling off his T-shirt as he did so. Xander grimaced as he looked into the mirror, the bruises on the left side of his chest showing, growing to a dark purple. Angel packed a punch, what with his vampiric power. Xander however, had long ago learned how to channel his pain to a small corner of his mind until such a time when it was more convenient to let it out. It had saved his life a number of times and he was glad that tonight hadn't been any different. He couldn't let the others know that he was hurt.
Thinking of the encounter in Giles' store, he swore under his breath; things hadn't gone exactly as planned. Even after an absence of eight years, Willow was able to recognize him. Even with the Marine hair cut, the fact that he had significantly bulked up and that his facial features had changed over the years, she recognized him. He should have worn a mask or at least the helmet; the glasses and staying in the shadows as much as possible hadn't helped.
Not to mention the fact that he'd let all his pain and anger out. All this time, he'd kept a lid on the torment his soul was in and a few minutes with these people.... his friends... NO! Not his friends! Never his friends, not anymore! Just a few minutes with them and it had come all out, boiling like lava in the crater of an active volcano. He'd even shot Angel, for crying out loud! There was no way they'd ever forgive him for that. Not that he cared. A strange satisfaction had filled him in that alley behind The Bronze when he beat the crap out of his old rival. The same satisfaction when later he pumped a round into the souled vampire. However, tomorrow morning he would have to face them again. And they would let him have it with both barrels. They would be prepared this time. He would be lucky to get out with his life intact, after Buffy was done with him.
Sighing, he stripped and stepped into the shower, letting the hot water cascade down his bruised body. After a while, he got out and dried off. Taking the first aid kit, Xander proceeded to tape up his ribs as tight as possible. Going to the battery-operated cooler, he grabbed a bottle of water and swallowed an Advil. As he drank down the water, he looked around at the setup he'd made. His SUV and motorcycle on one side, his equipment on another side. A computer setup against the far wall; his living quarters opposite that, consisting of an surplus army cot, collapsible closet and tv/video/audio setup with automated scanners for the police band and all other bands, including encrypted transmissions. He's spent time in worse places in the past. Throwing the bottle in the trash, Xander walked to his bed and laid down, almost falling asleep immediately. The last fleeting thought he had was the hope that the nightmare wouldn't come back tonight.
*** 2116 PM, July 12th, The Magic Box, Sunnydale, CA ***
"Can you find out where Xander might be staying, Willow?"
"I can try, Buffy, but no guarantees. He's been hiding from us for eight years."
"Come on, Red, stop being miss negativity."
"Faith, it's not that I'm negative but eight years and no sign of him? That sort of puts a damper on your faith in your abilities."
"Why don't you check out military records?"
"Military, Faith?"
"Yeah, B., notice Xan's hair? All bristly and close to the skull? I 'dated' this guy for a while, was a Marine. They all have that buzzcut."
"I already checked those, a couple of times. There was nothing."
"Dated? You dated, Faith?"
"Well, it was only two days, Cordelia."
"What you mean is that you 'saw, took and sweated'. So typical", Cordelia shot back.
"Yeah, well, at least I was out having fun, C. Have you ever had any fun? You're too wound up, a little action might loosen you up, right quick, girl. Want me to set you up?"
"Thanks, but I prefer my men with an IQ above that of monkeys."
During the conversation with Faith, Cordelia was watching Willow work on the computer, running searches throughout Sunnydale's hospitality sector.
"Willow, you said you checked military records, right?"
"Yes, all of them, Army, Navy, Air Force, even Coast Guard and Reserves."
"You did a namesearch, right?"
"Yes, every permutation of Alexander Lavelle Harris, Harrison; I reversed his name, used Xander, Alex, everything I could think of."
"Did you do a photosearch?"
Cordelia almost laughed out loud at the blank looks Giles, Buffy and Faith gave her. Willow's eyes grew huge as realization dawned on her.
"Ooooh, I'm a moron! Why didn't I think of that earlier!"
With those words, Willow moved into action, calling up a picture of Xander she kept on her homesystem. Within minutes, she was working furiously hacking into the military personnel database.
"I'm running a simultaneous search for Xander in all hotels, motels and guest houses in Sunnydale. I'm also checking real estate and rental companies."
"Check the county and state tax records too. Maybe Xander has a place here we don't know about; he still needs to pay property taxes."
"Uh, Cordelia, how do you.. What I mean is... "
"Cordelia is quite adept at finding people or things that want to remain hidden, Rupert", Wesley said, as he returned from the bathroom, after having cleaned up from bandaging Angel's shoulder.
"Yeah, she's been and continues to be a valuable member of Angel Investigations, even though she runs her own company now", Angel added, adjusting the rig holding up his injured arm.
"I... I.. I didn't mean to imply that s- she wasn't...", Giles stuttered.
"It's okay, Giles. I know that I was an airhead back then but I've grown up a lot over the years. No offense. Besides, if it weren't for you guys, I wouldn't be here. You've all taught me a lot."
"Wow, a thank you from Queen C", Buffy said, laughter in her tone. "We're glad you're here, Cordy. It's not been the same without you", Buffy said, hugging her old rival tightly.
Angel looked on, smiling slightly; Buffy may not have shown him any concern after being shot but he couldn't fault her. They'd grown apart over the years, becoming mere acquaintances. It still hurt though.
"Yes!"
Everybody turned towards Willow as her scream echoed through the room.
"Willow, you okay?"
"Yes, I'm alright! It's just... I've found him! Look, come see! I've found him! I can't believe I didn't think about it! Cordelia, you're a genius!"
"Wills, you're babbling. Stop talking, breathe deeply."
Willow followed Buffy's advice, as the others all crowded around her. On the screen, a personnel file was visible, the USMC icon on top. The picture in it was clearly that of Xander, dressed in his Class A Service uniform.
"Wow! He looks really hot."
Everybody turned to Tara, who promptly blushed a bright red.
"I- I m- m- mean... he looks g- g- good. Not hot! Definitely not hot because... I ... I .... I'm gay and I don't .... "
"I didn't know you went for guys in uniform, Tara", Faith grinned, cutting off Tara who'd kept getting redder and redder, "but you're right, he's hotter then ever before."
"Shut the hormones down, Faith. Let's read what it says, maybe it'll give us a clue as to where to find him."
"Sure thing, B."
Faith leaned closer to her, whispering in her ear, "but you can't tell me you don't think he's a hottie."
Buffy's answering blush was enough for Faith and she had to surpress a chuckle.
After a few minutes of quiet reading, Cordelia was the first to speak up, a soft quiver in her voice.
"This thing reads like a recruiting poster!"
"How so", questioned Wesley.
"Well look at this", she said, pointing to the screen at the photo of Xander.
"Second Lieutenant Alexander Harrelson, USMC. Look at what he started out as, a lowly private, but within a year, he'd made Lance Corporal and got into Force Reconnaissance as a sniper. It's been less then seven years and he's already a lieutenant. If that isn't something worthy of going on a recruiting poster, I don't know what is."
"No wonder we couldn't find him", Willow continued, "He's been using another last name."
"Which, if the Corps found out about, would get him into trouble."
"Angel, don't get any ideas", Buffy said, without looking away from the screen.
"What else has our boy done", Spike asked, dragging on his cigarette.
"Okay, it says here that he quickly advanced in rank, becoming a Gunnery Sergeant after four years. He also became a Drill Instructor, while getting his qualifications as a Combatant Diver and Rotary Wing pilot", Faith said softly, the awe in her voice clear to all.
"Oh! He also got a Ph. D. in Engineering! He did it! Yes!"
"Willow, what do you mean?"
"Education girl, remember, Giles? Willow is just excited that Xander did attend and finish college", Buffy stated, smiling down at her best friend.
"I knew he could do it, Buffy, he just had to convince himself of it."
"I know, Wills, I know."
"He was recommended for OCS by his Company Commander, then went on to Flight School and graduated within the top ten of his class", Willow finished.
"What else does his file say?"
Skimming quickly through the file, Willow answered Giles question, "Mostly where he was stationed and when. A list of his citations and medals, which to sum up in one word is 'WOW'!"
"With that many medals, it's a wonder he's not shown up here before", Cordelia commented, "just so he could show us how good he's become."
"That's not how Xander is and you know that, Cor", Faith said, letting a little anger shine through her words.
"Does anyone notice anything strange to young mister Harris's personnel file", Wesley asked.
"What do you mean?"
"Well, I noticed that none of the medals have any explanation as to why he received them. Willow, if you please, could you find the part that deals with his deployments?"
"Sure thing, Wesley."
Willow quickly scrolled downwards, finding the page that held Lieutenant Harrelson's deployments and missions. It quickly became apparent what Wesley was trying to tell them. Scrolling down the list, everyone noticed that almost all lines had been blacked out, effectively making them unreadable. The only parts that were visible dealt with where he'd followed his training and the last deployment he'd been on, an F/A-18 fighter squadron that had been aboard a carrier.
"Wesley, is this what you suspected?"
"Yes, Angel."
"Hello, could you guys be any more cryptic? Explain to those of us with lesser IQ's", Faith nearly yelled.
"It's simple, Faith, Xander seems to have been involved in a large number of classified operations of the years. The fact that no reason was given for most of the medals he received tipped me off. That's why I asked Willow to find his deployment listing."
"And this is relevant to us, how?"
"What I think Wesley is trying to tell us, Buffy, is that Xander's appearance in Sunnydale may not be as clearcut as him having dreams about our demise", Giles said as he rubbed the bridge of his nose.
"What? You're saying he's here coz he's been ordered to?"
"May I remind you of Riley and the Initiative, Buffy?"
"No, Giles, you may not! This isn't the same! This is Xander we're talking about. You saw him, you heard him speak. He may hate me, but he would never betray us. I believe him and so should you."
"Uhm, guys", Willow interrupted her friends, "I think I found something interesting."
Buffy and the others quickly stood behind Willow as she pointed to the screen.
"Does this number seem familiar to you, Buffy?"
The sharp intakes of breath by both Buffy and Faith answered that question.
"Oh my."
Everybody else looked at Giles as he hastily turned around.
"I think it's time we started researching this new threat. Willow, I don't think we'll find Xander's whereabouts tonight. When he returns tomorrow, we'll ask him. I for one, tend to respect his privacy. See what you can find on the net regarding this new threat. The rest of you, let's hit the books, as you youngsters are so fond of saying."
"Giles, did I ever tell you that I get all excited when you talk like that?"
"No, Cordelia, you never have."
"Well, don't get your hopes up, because I never will", she said with a sweet smile.
Internally, her thoughts were a messed jumble as she went over tonight's shockers. Buffy, Faith, Willow and Giles had found something more in that file, something they weren't sharing. It wasn't something that worried her; if it was something that would endanger them, the three of them would tell them. No, what worried her more was the fact that the Xander she'd seen tonight was so full of anger. He may not have voiced exactly why he was angry, but Cordelia wasn't stupid. She could guess as to why he'd left all those years ago, without telling anyone. Couple that with his current military mindset and you've got a very volatile combination. Cordelia remembered that Halloween all too well; Xander as Soldier Boy had been quite effective and the hard look in his eyes back then spoke of someone who'd experienced a lot of horrible things. Someone who'd done a lot of horrible things and would do whatever was necessary to win. He'd shown the same spirit and resourcefulness on several other occasions, specifically against the Judge and during the Ascension. She just hoped that this time, his anger wouldn't throw him over the edge.
A Buffy the Vampire Slayer story.
By: Ghostrider
Summary: What happens when your heart is ripped apart by those you love? A slayerette's return after years of absence causes old wounds to be ripped open.
Rating: R
Authors Notes: This story takes place approximately 8 years after the events in the this season's last episode. Personally, I don't like the ending, it's too convenient. So I rewrote it to what I would have wanted to see. Furthermore, I would like to thank my Beta-readers Ozmandayus, Banquo and Scb047 for everything they've done.
Disclaimer: Joss Whedon, Fox, Mutant Enemy, the WB and UPN own the characters.
Chapter 5
** Begin flashback, about 8 years ago **
Xander quietly made his way out of the hospitalroom, trying hard not to stumble. He was still in pain but since he'd woken up two days ago, nobody had been in to visit him. He was getting seriously worried, hoping that Glory really was death and the memory not something from a feverish dream; if she wasn't, him not getting any visitors might mean that the others were either still running, or dead. He shuddered at the last thought, not wanting to think of that possibility.
The last thing he remembered before he woke up in the hospital, was the huge fight against Glory. She'd taken Dawn and was ready to perform the ceremony to return to her realm when the Scoobies had attacked. Glory was about to open the portal when Buffy had attacked her. They'd battled viciously, giving no quarter; Buffy fighting to save her sister, Glory to return home at any cost.
As the portal grew larger, the time to sacrifice Dawn to release the power of the Key grew shorter. Glory managed to knock Buffy onto the ground, hard enough to daze her. Xander saw Glory raising the sword to kill the Slayer; hacking his way through Glory's minions, he managed to deflect the blade enough so that it slammed into the ground. Now Xander began to fight the angry Goddess, long-buried instincts coming to the fore. The Hyena spirit, tempered by the soldier's experience and tactical mind combining with Xander's own courage combined to make a deadly machine as he drove her backwards, ever nearer to the opened portal.
Glory looked into the young man's eyes, seeing determination, anger, even a touch of madness in their depths. It was enough. The distraction created an opening and Xander pounced on it, his sword penetrating the soft flesh of Glory's belly as he shoved the sword through her to the hilt.
"Nobody hurts my friends."
A look of disbelief colored Glory's face as she felt herself being lifted off the ground, the pain of being impaled not even registering on her mind. Before she could do anything to save herself, her body was hurtling towards the portal. A scream of the deepest agony and despair assaulted everyone's ears as Glory's body disintegrated on impact, the portal's power ripping her apart.
Xander turned around and walked over to the dais where Dawn was tied to, cutting her bonds with his sword. Carefully lifting the girl up, he set her down on the ground; she clung to him as her body shook with silent sobs, not quite believing it was all over and she was still alive. Pushing herself back a ways from him, Dawn tried to speak but no words came, she just hugged him tighter. Feeling his grip on her relax, it took a moment for her to realize what was happening.
Xander toppled backwards, landing on his back with a thud; the look on Dawn's face turned from questioning to horror as she saw the massive dark stain on his shirt, the blood running down already soaking his pants. The scream that tore from her throat echoed through the room for what seemed like an eternity.
When he came up from his musings, Xander noticed that he'd reached Giles' place. The watcher still lived here, although he was planning to move in with Buffy and Dawn soon. Seeing the light on, a sense of relief watched over the young man. At least someone was home and if it were Giles, that would mean the others were save too. Quickly making his way to the front door, he forgot completely that he hadn't had a visitor in days at the hospital. His friends were all right, that was all that counted.
As he was about to knock on the front door, he passed by the window next to it. Glancing inside, he saw all his friends sitting there, drinking tea. A huge smile crossed his face, seeing them all well. He just stood there, soaking it in, this feeling of belonging. They were back together again, withering another storm that had threatened to suck them in and chew them up. Then the words being spoken within caught his attention and suddenly, he felt as if the whole world had punched him in the gut. Words he would remember for the rest of his life as they burned their way into his memory.
"He can't come on patrol with me anymore. It's just too dangerous; you saw what happened? He almost got himself killed again, for the umpteenth time! He has no skills, is worthless in battle and always gets in the way."
"Buffy, you don't have to be so negative. I do agree with you but don't you think it's something he has to decide for himself?"
"No, Willow, you know how he is. He'll whine and bitch about it and insist that he can contribute, but we all know that isn't true. He was at death's door when we brought him to the hospital."
"I'm afraid Buffy is right, Willow. Xander has no combat skills at all. You and Tara have your wiccan powers, I am a Watcher and have been trained in many forms of martial arts. Spike... well, as much as I want to deny it, he has proven to be quite the ally. Xander would only bring more danger upon us as we try to keep him safe during the fighting. A distraction like that could kill any one of us; think of the guilt that would cause him."
"I know all that but with all that has happened... I mean, does he even know Anya is dead? If he finds out and hears that we don't want him along, who knows what he'll do? Xander will not take this lying down."
Xander thought his heart had stopped beating at the mention of them not allowing him to help them anymore. But at the mention of Anya's death, his heart started beating double-time, so loud, it drummed in his ears. It felt as if all the air had been knocked out of him. Turning back to the room, hoping against everything that what he'd heard was someone's sick idea of a joke, he continued listening in.
"That's what I'm afraid of, that he'll do something stupid, like seeking revenge by going up against a bunch of vamps. What if he decides to walk into Willy's bar to pick a fight? How do we protect him? I'm not loosing anymore people, Willow."
"But if we don't keep him close, he'll go out alone, Buffy."
"Then we keep him at home, someone needs to stay with him. He can baby-sit Dawn when I'm out patrolling."
"The idea has merit, Buffy. I'm sure Dawn will benefit from Xander's presence, as will he. They can help each other heal, as can we all. Things will be calm for the time being, I surmise."
Xander walked backwards, stunned beyond belief. Anya was dead, his so-called friends hadn't had the decency to even visit him in the hospital and now they thought of him as useless, not fit to be anything but a babysitter. The dream from the First Slayer popped back into his mind, the sequence of Apocalypse Now with Snyder. The image of his father busting open the door to his basement, getting ready to beat him again. The feeling when the First Slayer gutted him, ripped his heart out, intermingled with Glory's last strike against him. It felt just like that time, the incredible pain of his heart being torn from his body. Anya's face, Cordelia, Willow, Faith, Buffy, Dawn, Tara, Joyce, the faces of all the people he'd known that had been killed by vamps and demons, ran through his mind's eye like mad film reel. And through it all, the one sentence kept playing through his mind, over and over and over.
'You're useless, nothing but a waste of space. You're useless, nothing but a waste of space.'
Finally, as if by some mystical force, his mind cleared and Xander found himself in the cemetery where Joyce Summers was buried, in front of her grave. Looking at her name and dates of birth and dead, he finally broke down. A heart-wrenching sob spilled from his lips as his beaten body fell to its knees. The tears came unbidden in a torrent, his hands in his lap. He cried for her, he cried for Anya, for Dawn who would never know the love of a mother again. He cried for all those that had died because of all the evil in the world but most of all, he cried for himself. He cried because he couldn't do anything to stop the killing, to stop the death of innocence. When the tears stopped, the sun was slowly ascending to its rightful place, signaling the dawn of a new day.
"No more. No more", he whispered as his hands traced over the letters on Joyce's headstone.
"I made you a promise, mom, to take care of your daughters", he said softly, almost in a whisper, acknowledging for the first time how he thought of Joyce Summers. She had been more of a mother to him then his own had ever been and he'd loved her dearly. Her death had shaken him to the core, but he'd put it aside, to be there for Buffy and Dawn.
"I made you a promise and I intend to keep it. I just can't do it here. I'm leaving, mom, but I'm keeping my promise, they'll never want for anything as long as I live. But I'm making another promise to you today. I'll do everything in my power to stop evil from taking any more innocent lives. Be it man or demon, I will destroy it wherever I find it. I'm through being the useless sidekick, the funnyman. I'm going to make a difference, one way or another. This is my solemn vow to you", he concluded, kissing his fingers and placing them on the headstone. The soft gust of wind felt like a caress; he imagined it being Joyce's fingers softly stroking his cheek and ruffling his hair, offering him support and love. Xander got up and walked unsteadily away, back into town. It was time to make good on his promise.
** End flashback **
The girls all had tears in their eyes, too choked up to speak. Giles removed his glasses, cleaning them, a sure sign that he was thinking of a response to the cryptic words spoken by the young man he'd grown to love as if he were his own son.
Buffy felt like her heart had died again at the revelation of the extent of his pain she could clearly hear in his voice. She wanted to die right there, by his hands, knowing exactly what he was talking about. How he'd find out, she could only guess but it was clearly the reason why he'd gone away and left them. Left her. Him killing her right now would be a suitable revenge for all the pain she'd caused him in his life, she thought as hot tears ran unbidden down her cheeks. She took a shaky breath.
'I'm sorry, Xander, so sorry. How will you ever be able to forgive me', she thought.
"Xan, please. I didn't want you to get hurt", Buffy whispered.
"Hurt, slayer? Don't make me laugh", he sneered in her ear. "All you've ever done is hurt me. At least with Cordy, I knew that she'd do it, every single day. She was after all Queen C. What I had forgotten was that you were the Cordelia Chase of Hemery High and boy, did you show me when you got to college."
Another piece of Cordelia's heart broke at his loudly spoken words, thinking back to all the cruel things she'd done and said to Xander and everyone else when they were in High School. It seemed everything finally got too much for her friend and turned him into this dark, murderous avenging angel before her.
"Remember the dance? You ripped my heart out on the dancefloor, stepped on it and ground it into a million pieces. For what? So you could make Deadboy there jealous. That's all I ever was to you, the convenient idiot that could make you feel good about yourself, how superior you were. Well, no more, Buffy."
"I'm sorry about that. I'm sorry about everything I've ever done to you, Xander. Please, please forgive me."
"And that is supposed to make things better? Forget it, you can't ever begin to apologize enough, Slayer. As I said before, I'm here because some big evil is in town, bigger then you've ever faced. If it weren't for those rotten dreams, I wouldn't even be here. Guess the PTB want me to kick some demon six again and keep you safe. Why, I don't have a clue. It's not like you've never unleashed a monster on the town."
With that, he threw Buffy forward, crashing her into Faith, Cassandra and Willow who all went down in a tangle of arms and legs. Angel and Wesley moved towards Xander, intent on taking him down; he threw his cigar at Angel, making the vampire duck sideways, simultaneously pulling out a KZ-45 handgun. The gun discharged, the .45 caliber jacketed hollow point ripping through Angel's shoulder. The power of the almost point blank fired round caused Angel to rotate around his axis and fall flat on his face, the pain almost unbearable.
Bringing the gun up in a leftward arc, he aimed it at Wesley's face even before the spent shellcasing had hit the floor. Motioning with the gun, Xander ordered Wesley to move backwards.
"Don't worry, Deadboy, you're a vampire. It'll heal in no time. Besides, I've got a promise to keep to you, don't I?"
Seeing that nobody was moving, Xander backed away, putting the gun back in its holster.
"As I said, I'll be around tomorrow to check out what you've found out about our 'friend'. And please, don't do something so obvious as to try and follow me."
With those words, he stepped out of the door and into the night. As soon as he was out the door, Buffy, Faith, Willow and Cassandra ran after him. Once on the sidewalk, they looked in all directions, finding no sign of him.
"Damn it! Where did he go?"
"No one can disappear that fast."
"Seems like he took lessons from Angel, B."
"We've got to find him, Buffy. We just have to find him. I can't lose him again. I wouldn't survive! Please, we've got to find him."
Willow was nearly hysterical, babbling on a mile a minute, wringing her hands. Buffy pulled her into a tight hug, running her hands up and down her back slowly, murmuring comforting words in her ear.
"Yeah, we'll find him, then I'll wrap his spleen around his throat", an angry Cassandra said.
"You do that, C. and the Council is gonna have ta find a new Slayer to replace you."
Surprised, Cassandra turned towards Faith.
"What's the matter with you? You protecting that maniac after what he did to Angel?"
"Angel deserved it. You weren't here so don't start acting all macho, girlfriend. Besides, it's not like it's gonna kill him. Boy toy just let the souled one know that this time, he'd better behave himself."
Cassandra walked up to Faith, standing toe-to-toe.
"I don't know what your problem is, Faith, but Angel is one of us. Nobody, NOBODY hurts any of us, no matter what their past. If that weren't the case, I'd beat you to an inch of your life then dump you in the nearest nest."
"Bring it on, girl, anytime, anywhere, anyplace."
"Will you two stop with the testosterone overload? Nobody touches Xander. I may not agree with what he just did, but I can understand it. You weren't here, Cassandra. Angelus killed a lot of innocent people to get to Buffy and she couldn't stop him! Friends of ours, people we went to school with. So don't you dare say anything about Xander!"
Willow was screaming now as Buffy held her back, fearful what the small Wicca would do if she got loose.
"Willow, calm down, please! We'll find Xander, I promise, but I need you to focus! Focus, Will!"
Finally, Willow stopped ranting and struggling, her eyes catching Buffy's. Within an instant, both girls were in each others arms, holding on for dear life.
"He's alive, Buffy, he's alive."
"I know, I know."
As they clung to each other, Faith walked up, putting her hands on both women's shoulders. Buffy was the first to look up; seeing the watery sheen in Faith's eyes, she quickly pulled the dark-haired slayer into the embrace. Three women, one his best friend since childhood, one the love of his life and the tormentor of his soul, one a kindred spirit and former lover, three women who all loved him in their own way, held each other, crying for their friend. Crying for all the pain they'd caused him, whether by choice or unknowingly.
"Why don't you all come inside?"
Looking up, they saw Cordelia in the shop's doorway, her hands folded around herself, as if warding off the chill in the air. Her eyes were swollen, her cheeks were red. Faith was the first to move, holding Cordelia tightly; Willow and Buffy following. Cassandra was left standing there, watching the group hug, not understanding why these women she looked up to were in such a sorry state about one man. A man whose loyalties were in question, it seemed to her. As they made their way inside, she saw that Angel seemed to be doing better. Giles and Wesley had bandaged the shoulder wound; it would have healed by morning. Walking up to Spike, she pulled him into a corner.
"Care to tell me what the hell all this is?"
"Girl, you just met the missing link. Or rather, the heart of this group, only they didn't know it until they pushed him away."
"What do you mean?"
"You buy me a bottle of Cardhu and I might tell ya, Cassiopeia."
"Spike!"
"Xander Harris was the glue that held the group together. Haven't you noticed that these bleedin' idiots, for all the fun they have, all the things they do, carry around a melancholy undertone? That sometimes, they just sit around and stare at something only they can see?"
At Cassandra's affirmative nod, Spike continued.
"If it wasn't for that bloody fool, Summers wouldn't be alive. Hell, nobody in this room would be alive today. Not Summers, not Faith, not Dawn, Red or Tara. Not Rupert nor Wesley. He saved each one of them on one occasion or another. No powers, no destiny, he just did what he thought was right. And when he left, he took that bleedin' huge heart of him with him, effectively killing the group. It's a wonder they're still alive. So don't get any ideas of hurting the man, you'll have a very pissed of group after you. Including me."
"You", she asked incredulously.
"Yeah, doll, me. He's the only person in the last decade who could verbally spar with me and make me eat crow."
Cassandra was amazed, no, shocked would be a better word. Spike's words were as close as an admission that he considered Harris a friend. He'd never admitted that about anyone of their little group. Oh, he'd admitted he'd had a crush on Buffy. He'd admitted he tolerated Giles but then, he was also English and they both enjoyed the cricket and snooker championships. And although he would never admit it, Dawn had him wrapped around her little finger. But never had he so clearly stated that he liked someone. Whoever this Xander Harris character was, she'd keep an even closer watch on him. The others devotion to the man they thought they knew could very well be their downfall.
*** 2123 PM, July 12th, Jameson Trucking, Sunnydale, CA ***
Xander stepped off the Triumph Speed Triple motorcycle, shutting down the engine. The Jameson Trucking building had been abandoned years ago, when the company was sold off to a national trucking company that had moved into a larger complex. The building had been sold to an offshore investment firm a few months ago; shortly thereafter, a wicca high priestess was sent to bind the building, making it impossible for vampires and demons to remain there or gain access. Since then, the body count in the area had fallen dramatically.
Discarding his helmet, duster and weapons, he walked over to the bathroom, pulling off his T-shirt as he did so. Xander grimaced as he looked into the mirror, the bruises on the left side of his chest showing, growing to a dark purple. Angel packed a punch, what with his vampiric power. Xander however, had long ago learned how to channel his pain to a small corner of his mind until such a time when it was more convenient to let it out. It had saved his life a number of times and he was glad that tonight hadn't been any different. He couldn't let the others know that he was hurt.
Thinking of the encounter in Giles' store, he swore under his breath; things hadn't gone exactly as planned. Even after an absence of eight years, Willow was able to recognize him. Even with the Marine hair cut, the fact that he had significantly bulked up and that his facial features had changed over the years, she recognized him. He should have worn a mask or at least the helmet; the glasses and staying in the shadows as much as possible hadn't helped.
Not to mention the fact that he'd let all his pain and anger out. All this time, he'd kept a lid on the torment his soul was in and a few minutes with these people.... his friends... NO! Not his friends! Never his friends, not anymore! Just a few minutes with them and it had come all out, boiling like lava in the crater of an active volcano. He'd even shot Angel, for crying out loud! There was no way they'd ever forgive him for that. Not that he cared. A strange satisfaction had filled him in that alley behind The Bronze when he beat the crap out of his old rival. The same satisfaction when later he pumped a round into the souled vampire. However, tomorrow morning he would have to face them again. And they would let him have it with both barrels. They would be prepared this time. He would be lucky to get out with his life intact, after Buffy was done with him.
Sighing, he stripped and stepped into the shower, letting the hot water cascade down his bruised body. After a while, he got out and dried off. Taking the first aid kit, Xander proceeded to tape up his ribs as tight as possible. Going to the battery-operated cooler, he grabbed a bottle of water and swallowed an Advil. As he drank down the water, he looked around at the setup he'd made. His SUV and motorcycle on one side, his equipment on another side. A computer setup against the far wall; his living quarters opposite that, consisting of an surplus army cot, collapsible closet and tv/video/audio setup with automated scanners for the police band and all other bands, including encrypted transmissions. He's spent time in worse places in the past. Throwing the bottle in the trash, Xander walked to his bed and laid down, almost falling asleep immediately. The last fleeting thought he had was the hope that the nightmare wouldn't come back tonight.
*** 2116 PM, July 12th, The Magic Box, Sunnydale, CA ***
"Can you find out where Xander might be staying, Willow?"
"I can try, Buffy, but no guarantees. He's been hiding from us for eight years."
"Come on, Red, stop being miss negativity."
"Faith, it's not that I'm negative but eight years and no sign of him? That sort of puts a damper on your faith in your abilities."
"Why don't you check out military records?"
"Military, Faith?"
"Yeah, B., notice Xan's hair? All bristly and close to the skull? I 'dated' this guy for a while, was a Marine. They all have that buzzcut."
"I already checked those, a couple of times. There was nothing."
"Dated? You dated, Faith?"
"Well, it was only two days, Cordelia."
"What you mean is that you 'saw, took and sweated'. So typical", Cordelia shot back.
"Yeah, well, at least I was out having fun, C. Have you ever had any fun? You're too wound up, a little action might loosen you up, right quick, girl. Want me to set you up?"
"Thanks, but I prefer my men with an IQ above that of monkeys."
During the conversation with Faith, Cordelia was watching Willow work on the computer, running searches throughout Sunnydale's hospitality sector.
"Willow, you said you checked military records, right?"
"Yes, all of them, Army, Navy, Air Force, even Coast Guard and Reserves."
"You did a namesearch, right?"
"Yes, every permutation of Alexander Lavelle Harris, Harrison; I reversed his name, used Xander, Alex, everything I could think of."
"Did you do a photosearch?"
Cordelia almost laughed out loud at the blank looks Giles, Buffy and Faith gave her. Willow's eyes grew huge as realization dawned on her.
"Ooooh, I'm a moron! Why didn't I think of that earlier!"
With those words, Willow moved into action, calling up a picture of Xander she kept on her homesystem. Within minutes, she was working furiously hacking into the military personnel database.
"I'm running a simultaneous search for Xander in all hotels, motels and guest houses in Sunnydale. I'm also checking real estate and rental companies."
"Check the county and state tax records too. Maybe Xander has a place here we don't know about; he still needs to pay property taxes."
"Uh, Cordelia, how do you.. What I mean is... "
"Cordelia is quite adept at finding people or things that want to remain hidden, Rupert", Wesley said, as he returned from the bathroom, after having cleaned up from bandaging Angel's shoulder.
"Yeah, she's been and continues to be a valuable member of Angel Investigations, even though she runs her own company now", Angel added, adjusting the rig holding up his injured arm.
"I... I.. I didn't mean to imply that s- she wasn't...", Giles stuttered.
"It's okay, Giles. I know that I was an airhead back then but I've grown up a lot over the years. No offense. Besides, if it weren't for you guys, I wouldn't be here. You've all taught me a lot."
"Wow, a thank you from Queen C", Buffy said, laughter in her tone. "We're glad you're here, Cordy. It's not been the same without you", Buffy said, hugging her old rival tightly.
Angel looked on, smiling slightly; Buffy may not have shown him any concern after being shot but he couldn't fault her. They'd grown apart over the years, becoming mere acquaintances. It still hurt though.
"Yes!"
Everybody turned towards Willow as her scream echoed through the room.
"Willow, you okay?"
"Yes, I'm alright! It's just... I've found him! Look, come see! I've found him! I can't believe I didn't think about it! Cordelia, you're a genius!"
"Wills, you're babbling. Stop talking, breathe deeply."
Willow followed Buffy's advice, as the others all crowded around her. On the screen, a personnel file was visible, the USMC icon on top. The picture in it was clearly that of Xander, dressed in his Class A Service uniform.
"Wow! He looks really hot."
Everybody turned to Tara, who promptly blushed a bright red.
"I- I m- m- mean... he looks g- g- good. Not hot! Definitely not hot because... I ... I .... I'm gay and I don't .... "
"I didn't know you went for guys in uniform, Tara", Faith grinned, cutting off Tara who'd kept getting redder and redder, "but you're right, he's hotter then ever before."
"Shut the hormones down, Faith. Let's read what it says, maybe it'll give us a clue as to where to find him."
"Sure thing, B."
Faith leaned closer to her, whispering in her ear, "but you can't tell me you don't think he's a hottie."
Buffy's answering blush was enough for Faith and she had to surpress a chuckle.
After a few minutes of quiet reading, Cordelia was the first to speak up, a soft quiver in her voice.
"This thing reads like a recruiting poster!"
"How so", questioned Wesley.
"Well look at this", she said, pointing to the screen at the photo of Xander.
"Second Lieutenant Alexander Harrelson, USMC. Look at what he started out as, a lowly private, but within a year, he'd made Lance Corporal and got into Force Reconnaissance as a sniper. It's been less then seven years and he's already a lieutenant. If that isn't something worthy of going on a recruiting poster, I don't know what is."
"No wonder we couldn't find him", Willow continued, "He's been using another last name."
"Which, if the Corps found out about, would get him into trouble."
"Angel, don't get any ideas", Buffy said, without looking away from the screen.
"What else has our boy done", Spike asked, dragging on his cigarette.
"Okay, it says here that he quickly advanced in rank, becoming a Gunnery Sergeant after four years. He also became a Drill Instructor, while getting his qualifications as a Combatant Diver and Rotary Wing pilot", Faith said softly, the awe in her voice clear to all.
"Oh! He also got a Ph. D. in Engineering! He did it! Yes!"
"Willow, what do you mean?"
"Education girl, remember, Giles? Willow is just excited that Xander did attend and finish college", Buffy stated, smiling down at her best friend.
"I knew he could do it, Buffy, he just had to convince himself of it."
"I know, Wills, I know."
"He was recommended for OCS by his Company Commander, then went on to Flight School and graduated within the top ten of his class", Willow finished.
"What else does his file say?"
Skimming quickly through the file, Willow answered Giles question, "Mostly where he was stationed and when. A list of his citations and medals, which to sum up in one word is 'WOW'!"
"With that many medals, it's a wonder he's not shown up here before", Cordelia commented, "just so he could show us how good he's become."
"That's not how Xander is and you know that, Cor", Faith said, letting a little anger shine through her words.
"Does anyone notice anything strange to young mister Harris's personnel file", Wesley asked.
"What do you mean?"
"Well, I noticed that none of the medals have any explanation as to why he received them. Willow, if you please, could you find the part that deals with his deployments?"
"Sure thing, Wesley."
Willow quickly scrolled downwards, finding the page that held Lieutenant Harrelson's deployments and missions. It quickly became apparent what Wesley was trying to tell them. Scrolling down the list, everyone noticed that almost all lines had been blacked out, effectively making them unreadable. The only parts that were visible dealt with where he'd followed his training and the last deployment he'd been on, an F/A-18 fighter squadron that had been aboard a carrier.
"Wesley, is this what you suspected?"
"Yes, Angel."
"Hello, could you guys be any more cryptic? Explain to those of us with lesser IQ's", Faith nearly yelled.
"It's simple, Faith, Xander seems to have been involved in a large number of classified operations of the years. The fact that no reason was given for most of the medals he received tipped me off. That's why I asked Willow to find his deployment listing."
"And this is relevant to us, how?"
"What I think Wesley is trying to tell us, Buffy, is that Xander's appearance in Sunnydale may not be as clearcut as him having dreams about our demise", Giles said as he rubbed the bridge of his nose.
"What? You're saying he's here coz he's been ordered to?"
"May I remind you of Riley and the Initiative, Buffy?"
"No, Giles, you may not! This isn't the same! This is Xander we're talking about. You saw him, you heard him speak. He may hate me, but he would never betray us. I believe him and so should you."
"Uhm, guys", Willow interrupted her friends, "I think I found something interesting."
Buffy and the others quickly stood behind Willow as she pointed to the screen.
"Does this number seem familiar to you, Buffy?"
The sharp intakes of breath by both Buffy and Faith answered that question.
"Oh my."
Everybody else looked at Giles as he hastily turned around.
"I think it's time we started researching this new threat. Willow, I don't think we'll find Xander's whereabouts tonight. When he returns tomorrow, we'll ask him. I for one, tend to respect his privacy. See what you can find on the net regarding this new threat. The rest of you, let's hit the books, as you youngsters are so fond of saying."
"Giles, did I ever tell you that I get all excited when you talk like that?"
"No, Cordelia, you never have."
"Well, don't get your hopes up, because I never will", she said with a sweet smile.
Internally, her thoughts were a messed jumble as she went over tonight's shockers. Buffy, Faith, Willow and Giles had found something more in that file, something they weren't sharing. It wasn't something that worried her; if it was something that would endanger them, the three of them would tell them. No, what worried her more was the fact that the Xander she'd seen tonight was so full of anger. He may not have voiced exactly why he was angry, but Cordelia wasn't stupid. She could guess as to why he'd left all those years ago, without telling anyone. Couple that with his current military mindset and you've got a very volatile combination. Cordelia remembered that Halloween all too well; Xander as Soldier Boy had been quite effective and the hard look in his eyes back then spoke of someone who'd experienced a lot of horrible things. Someone who'd done a lot of horrible things and would do whatever was necessary to win. He'd shown the same spirit and resourcefulness on several other occasions, specifically against the Judge and during the Ascension. She just hoped that this time, his anger wouldn't throw him over the edge.