Title: Home and Heart
A Buffy the Vampire Slayer story.
By: Ghostrider
Summary: What happens when your heart is ripped apart by those you love? A slayerette's return after years of absence causes old wounds to be ripped open.
Rating: R
Author's Note: This story takes place approximately 8 years after the events in the this season's last episode. Personally, I don't like the ending, it's too convenient. So I rewrote it to what I would have wanted to see. Furthermore, I would like to thank my Beta-readers Ozmandayus, Banquo and Scb047 for everything they've done.
Author's Note II:
My sincere apologies for the long wait, but r/l has been really acting up lately. Also, the phone company here made a mistake and took down my DSL line, turning it into an analogue phone line and getting them to turn their mistake back was turning into a cross between Chinese water torture and the chair dance as they and my provider were blaming each other on who was responsible. But I'm back now so expect some more delays as I continue to write.
Disclaimer: Joss Whedon, Fox, Mutant Enemy, the WB and UPN own the characters.
Chapter 9
*** 2006 PM, July 13th, The Magic Box, Sunnydale, CA ***
"Nothing! Not a bloody, damn thing!"
Giles slammed the last book closed; coupled with his loud, uncharacteristic exclamation, it was enough to startle the others in the room. Willow, Tara, Cordelia and Dawn all looked up at him as he walked around the room. Giles, normally the picture of the stiff British upper lip, looked haggard and worn.
"I am afraid that I have not had any luck either", Wesley stated as he walked back into the room.
"The Council has absolutely no idea who this demon is or what its plans are. Neither do any of my contacts. I even went to Caritas but the Host couldn't help me."
"You went to Caritas, Wes? Don't tell me you sang!"
"It is the only acceptable way to receive any information from Lorne, Cordelia. You know that."
"I, for one, am glad that I wasn't with you. Hearing Angel sing was bordering on traumatizing."
"Angel sings?"
"No, Willow, he tries but it's more like hearing a cat screech when you step on its tail."
"All the talk of singing aside, what are we going to do? I'm not going to lose my sister or any of my friends to this baddie."
"Nobody is going to die, Dawn."
The sound of a chair flying backwards and hitting the wall startled everyone. Dawn was in Rupert Giles' face a second later.
"Really? Can you guarantee that, Mister Almighty Watcher? Can you guarantee that Buffy is going to be okay? That Faith will survive? Can you guarantee that Xander will still be alive after this is over?"
Giles could do nothing but stare at the young girl he'd gotten custody off all those years ago and marvel at the young, independent and strong woman she'd become. So much like Buffy and their mother. Her eyes were alive with a mix of anger, fear and love, shining with unshed tears. She was scared, they all were.
"Dawn, you know how it works. We always prevail. Yes, things might get hairy at times but we always win."
Dawn whipped around, stopping Willow with a glare that would have made Buffy proud, had she been there.
"Don't patronize me, Willow. I know the score. So do you so don't pretend everything is gonna be fine."
Before Dawn could say anymore, Cordelia stepped in, taking the younger woman's arm and leading her out of the training room towards the shop.
"I'm putting some water on. Anyone want some tea or something", Wesley asked the subdued crowd.
Willow and Tara declined as Tara comforted her girlfriend, holding her tightly. Dawn's outburst had nearly broken Willow because it was the truth. Nobody knew what they were up against. This might very well be the last battle they all fought.
"I'll come with you, Wesley."
Both men walked into the small kitchen, Giles leaning against the cupboard, stretching his shoulders.
"Rupert, I'm sorry."
"Whatever for?"
"For not being any more help. I feel so useless!"
Giles watched as the younger Watcher put the kettle on the fire.
"Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why do you think you've not been a help? Is it because you cannot find anyone who has any knowledge about our foe? Is it because you don't feel that you've contributed enough to the cause? Is it because you think you're not capable of standing against the forces of darkness? Let me tell you a story about a young man I once met. He was full of himself, thought he knew all there was to know. When push came to shove, when it was time to face the evil he was trained to fight, he caved. He became a blabbering fool, asking for mercy and was willing to give up anything to survive.
But later on, he redeemed himself. Freed from his constraints, he became a force to be reckoned with. A self-proclaimed rogue demon hunter. A man who had the knowledge, the skills and the wherewithal to face evil wherever he encountered it. He teamed up with a small band of like-minded souls and became a force to be reckoned with. He might not know everything there is to know about the evil that surrounds us, but that didn't stop him from going into battle time and time again."
"Maybe I'll meet him sometime, Rupert", Wesley said dejectedly as he took the boiling water off the fire and poured the hot liquid into two mugs.
"Just look into a mirror sometimes, Wesley. There is where you'll find him. You've come a long way, my friend. Nobody knows everything. Certainly not about the demonic activities we're constantly faced with. There always will be some new evil, some new power that we don't know about. But we do what we do best, we try. That is all any of us can do. Will it be enough, who knows? But if we don't, who will hold the line? So don't ever think of yourself as useless. We'll find a way to stop this demon from whatever its goal is."
The silence that followed Giles' speech was a comfortable one as both men sipped their tea. Wesley couldn't remember feeling this good in his whole life. Giles' praise was like a balm for his soul. It made him feel good about himself, even in this dreaded situation.
"We're missing something."
"You've noticed it too, then?"
"Of course, Rupert. What do we know so far?"
"Not much, really. There is a new demon in town, a very powerful one."
"Powerful enough to have the local demon community in its thrall. The number of vampires and other demons on the street are almost negligible."
"It has the power to drain a slayer's powers."
"It has managed to have vampires and demons working together."
"Something only Adam has been able to do, on such a scale, to my knowledge."
"We're missing something, I know we are."
Both men were silent, running through everything they knew, how little of it there was.
"Like rats in a maze."
"Excuse me?"
"Like rats in a maze, Wesley. We're given a few clues, Cordelia's vision, Xander's dreams. Some encounters between our people and some minor minions, just to put us on edge. Their main goal to weaken the Slayer's support system."
"Divide and Conquer! Of course!"
"Yes, just like Adam did."
"Do you think it's Adam?"
"No, we destroyed him. He was just a human who'd had Demon parts grafted onto himself. I doubt he'd be resurrected."
"Maybe the Initiative has been restarted and they've resurrected the program", Wesley offered.
"Maybe, but I doubt it. Cordelia's vision and Xander's dreams would seem to preclude that. The demon they described is like nothing I've ever encountered, either in books or in real life."
"You said Glory was from another dimension. What if ..."
"We're dealing with a demon from another dimension? I think that you might have something there, Wesley", Giles said, his countenance revealing a rising in hope.
"If that is so, how do we find out who it is? It's not like we can go dimension hopping."
"Actually, I think there are a few ways. Dawn has the power to open inter-dimensional portals and I know a few spells to call on some powerful spirits that might shed some light on the situation."
"Then I think we should start with that."
Wesley was all smiles, a small measure of relief flooding his being. Giles too was feeling better then a short time before.
"There is still some other matter we must attend to, Rupert."
"Xander."
"Yes. Right now, things are tense. We must get Xander and the others to talk out their differences. As it stands now, we're in pretty bad shape. Everybody is going through a guilt trip because of what has happened. Everybody is walking on pins and needles, their concentration is in very bad shape."
"It all boils down to the relationship between Xander and Buffy. I'm sure that once they get their differences out of the way, things will get back to at least a semi-relaxed truce", Giles said thoughtfully.
"I sincerely hope so, because we'll need teamwork on this one and from what I've seen so far, I doubt that that is possible, what with all the fragmented feelings."
"Faith is working on him as we speak. If anyone can get through to Xander, it'll be her. She'll get him to talk to Buffy. What happens then, is out of our hands."
"Do you really think that sending Faith to talk to him is going to accomplish anything? After all, she did try to kill him once."
"Yes, but from what she's told me, he's visited her a few times in prison, before he left and their differences have been talked out. Also, she's the only one out of all of us who has never treated Xander as if he were useless, like the rest of us have done. Besides, their backgrounds are similar enough for an understanding to be reached between them. She's our best bet at the moment."
Nodding his head in understanding, Wesley sipped his tea. There was nothing more to be said.
Cordelia sat Dawn down on the steps of the stairs, sitting down next to her. Looking at the girl next to her, Cordelia felt for her. Dawn had at one time, had a crush on Xander and his disappearance had hit her hard. She'd gotten over it but there were still strong feelings there. Add to that the fact that Buffy, justified or not, was to blame for what had happened. It was no wonder Dawn was feeling so bad, having your sister fight with someone you both care deeply about.
"Want to talk about it?"
"I hate them both", came the quiet reply.
"Really? Why is that", Cordelia asked, knowing who Dawn was talking about.
"Yeah, really", Dawn answered, sarcastically.
"Care to fill me in why you hate them? From what I could tell, you seemed pretty chummy with Xan earlier and you and Buffy have always been so close. Now you suddenly hate them both? How did that happen?"
Dawn turned to look at Cordelia, the tears slowly flowing down her cheeks.
"I hate him because he left and her because she made him leave."
Dawn's body began to shake as the sobs started and Cordelia took her into her arms, hugging her tightly, her own eyes moist. Cordelia didn't know exactly what had happened to bring things to this bad state of affairs, but having been part of the Scooby gang for some time, she could very well imagine what had happened. Remembering how she and the others had treated him after the whole fluke with Willow, all those years ago, made her feel small and insignificant. Cordelia had the right to be angry and hurt, but even so, Xander didn't deserve being pushed aside by the others.
"He saved my life, Cor, and Buffy dismissed him like he was nothing", Dawn murmured.
"He did so much for us, not thinking about his own safety and look at what it cost him. Anya and a chance at happiness. A family, his friends, his humor, his smile, that never-say-die attitude of his that would always give us hope. She took that away from him."
Dawn buried her face into Cordelia, who started to rock her back and forth slowly, murmuring soft words of encouragement in her hair.
"He isn't laughing anymore. His eyes, they don't hold that spark of humor anymore, Cordelia. Buffy killed that, destroyed it like it was some evil demon, to be slain."
"She wanted him to be safe, Dawn. Wanted him to have that family and not worry about what great evil was next gunning for them. She didn't mean for any of this to happen. When he cheated on me with Willow, I was so angry. There was a part of me that wanted him to hurt as much as I was hurting but there was another part of me that didn't want anything to happen to him.
He showed me another side of myself, a side that I am proud of. I wasn't just the queen bitch of Sunnydale, I was a real person, a person with feelings. A person who deserved some happiness and love too. I love him for that. He's still my best friend, even after all these years and yes, I am angry at Buffy too for how she treated him at times. All of us are to blame for that to some extent. But I do understand why she did it. We just have to try and get him to understand the why and maybe he'll forgive us and we can all be friends again. It won't be easy but we can always hope. After all, he didn't have to come back to help us, now did he?"
"She was pregnant, you know?"
"What?"
"Anya was pregnant. I found out the morning before Glory got me. She swore me to secrecy because she didn't want Xander to worry about her. He'd already had too much on his mind. She was planning on telling him after everything was over, provided they'd survive. She never got the chance."
Cordelia couldn't say anything, her feelings in turmoil. Her heart went out to Xander, having lost so much. It wasn't fair, she screamed silently. It wasn't fair for one person to receive so much tragedy in their short life. Finally, the tears she'd been holding in, began to spill as both women grieved for the tragedies befallen their friends.
Tara stood behind Willow, as her girlfriend stared out in front of her, not seeing anything, her mind miles away, it seemed.
"Willow?"
"She's right. She's right. We don't know anything. We act like everything is going to be alright but that is not true. How can we fight something we know nothing about? How can we help the people we love?"
"We will help them like we always have done, Willow. We'll be there for them and give them our strength."
Willow pulled herself out of Tara's arms, turning towards her angrily.
"Don't say that! Don't say everything is going to be alright, because you don't know that! None of us know that! I lost my best friend because I wanted to protect him! 8 years! 8 years of our lives, thrown away! And for what? False pride? Telling ourselves we didn't need him? We've known each other almost our entire lives and do you know what I did?"
Willow seemed to have gone over the edge, as she ranted and raved, walking back and forth through the room. Tara didn't know what to do to calm her down, her own anxiety rising rapidly.
"I ignored him, belittled him, made fun of him. I hurt him and I'm supposed to be his best friend. I never had time for him anymore. What I did, it was like saying that Xander wasn't important to me anymore. What does that say about me, huh? What does that say about me? He did so much for us, he was willing to give his life without a second thought to save us all and I just pushed him aside."
Willow's tantrum subsided as quickly as it had set on; one minute she was screaming at the top of her lungs, the next her face scrunched up, as the tears start to come in earnest. Within seconds, Tara had her in her arms, hugging her tightly, murmuring soft words of encouragement. Giles, Wesley, Dawn and Cordelia had come in, hearing Willow's screams and all watched the two Wicca's. Willow saw them, pulling herself out of Tara's arms.
"I'm sorry for going off like that."
"No need to apologize, Willow. None of us really got the chance to work through our issues regarding Xander", Giles stated softly as he handed her a tissue.
"Now, he's back and it's like he's another person", Cordelia said.
"Yes, well, I think we've done enough for tonight. Why don't you all go home and get some rest?"
Before anyone could protest, he held up his hands.
"We've researched every book and database there is and have come up with nothing. The Council has no information either. Neither do any of our regular contacts. Wesley and I have a theory but it will take some time to get everything together to try it out. It's late, we're all exhausted. Let's all just go home and rest."
"But what about the others on patrol? Wouldn't they find it strange that there is no one here when they get back?"
"Yes, Cordelia, and that is exactly why I'm staying here until Buffy and the others come back. Then I intend to give them the same speech and see them home. Now off you go."
Shooing his charges out of the store, Giles was again amazed how such a group of widely different people had become such a tight-knit group. They were there for one another, no matter what. Their only failure had been the one young man he'd always thought of as a son. Vowing to do anything he could to remedy that situation, Giles closed the door and began to gather the supplies needed for the supplication.
*** 2117 PM, July 13th, Lindenhall Cemetary, Sunnydale, CA ***
"Damn!"
Faith had lined up several stones, kicking each in turn, trying to bounce them off a nearby headstone, then into an empty flowerpot. Up till now, she'd managed to do it only once.
"This is so frustrating!"
"What? The fact that your tryouts for the Sunnydale Women's soccer team are a bust? I could have told you that, but would you listen? Nope, not at all", Alex said, leaning against a tree as he swept the area with his eyes. They had been patrolling several cemeteries for the last few hours and they had encountered not a single vampire or demon.
"Ha ha ha, X-man. You should have gone into stand-up comedy. By now, you'd probably have your own sitcom."
"No thanks, television never appealed to me as a career path. You've got to get up way too early to my liking. Seriously, what is so frustrating?"
"We've been out here for hours! And not one vamp has shown their toothy grins! And I was really looking forward to kicking some undead butt. I thought they were out to get us. What changed?"
Alex walked over to her and grabbed the last stone from the ground, proceeding to throw it into the flowerpot.
"Murphy's Law of Combat, number 23: The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions:
When they're ready; When you're not."
Faith looked at Xander, eyebrows raised.
"Oookay, and that would mean what, exactly?"
"Easy. Whoever is in charge wanted to give you a demonstration of his power. Right now, we don't know squat about who or what he is, where he is hiding, what his intentions are, apart from needing you for some sort of ritual. We do know that he's got the whole demon population wrapped tightly around his finger. We know he's incredibly powerful and capable of negating the Slayer powers. We're running around in circles trying to figure this guy out. I'm willing to bet even money that the others haven't found a clue to any of the above questions. We get frustrated, we start making mistakes. We make mistakes, he exploits them and before you know it, we're neck deep in trouble."
"Boy toy, I never figured you to be a Zen follower", Faith grinned.
"Zen isn't really my thing. But then again, there are no Atheïsts in a foxhole either", he grinned back.
"So, we'll just have to wait and keep our guard up."
"Never go out alone at any time of the day. That would be tempting fate. No pun intended."
Alex looked Faith up and down, his left eyebrow raised; what he saw there was quite appealing, since Faith still dressed like he remembered. Tight fitting jeans, tight, very revealing top and short leather jacket. Faith noticed the look and felt herself blush, suddenly feeling rather shy. A feeling she didn't have much experience with. Coughing a little, she decided to change the subject, before she did something stupid.
"Hey Xan."
"Yeah?"
"Why a Marine?"
Alex looked at Faith, wondering why she'd asked him that question. Looking away to scan their surroundings again, he tried to decide how he was going to answer her. It was obvious she had something else she wanted to bring up, but didn't exactly know how to do it. Maybe it was time to take Mr. Lee's advice and start listening.
"What do you say we kick this place and go to mine for some hot chow and cold drinks? We'll talk all about my joining up and anything else you want to talk about. Sounds fair to you?"
"As long as you're buying the food, I'm in. And none of that canned stuff you've got in that drafty place of yours. I wouldn't feed it to my dog."
"You don't have a dog, Faith."
"My point exactly."
Laughing under his breath and shaking his head, Alex began to walk to his bike, Faith falling in step with him.
*** 2245 PM, July 13th, Jameson Trucking, Sunnydale, CA ***
The small collapsible table was filled with take-out boxes, all empty, several empty bottles of spring water next to them. Candles were alight around the room. The two occupants were sitting on the floor enjoying the companionable silence; they'd gone to Fook Long's Chinese restaurant before coming back to Alex's place. Since they'd left the cemetery, neither had spoken a single word. Neither knew where to start, it seemed. Finally, Faith cleared her throat.
"So, boy toy, you still owe me an answer."
Alex looked at her through hooded eyes, the light of the candles casting shadows over her face, enhancing her natural beauty.
"What was the question again?"
"Xand, why did you choose the Marines?"
Alex looked thoughtful for a moment, gathering his thoughts before answering her.
"I guess you could say I was looking for something where I could make a difference."
"And did you find what you were looking for?"
Alex looked at her for a moment, taking a sip of water.
"For the most part, yes."
"For the most part? What's missing then?"
Alex seemed to be lost in thought for a moment before answering.
"I don't really know."
"You don't really know? What kind of stupid answer is that? Come on, Xan, you must have an idea."
"Okay, so I feel like there is something missing, only, I don't know what it is, alright?"
Faith sat there for a few moments, pondering his words.
"Maybe it's because you weren't doing it together with your family, Xan."
Snorting, he answered her.
"My family? What family? My drunken father? My oblivious mother?"
"You know what I mean! The Scoobies! Willow, Giles, Tara.... Buffy."
"They're not my family. Just acquaintances. I was always the black sheep of the group. Useless."
The underlying note of sadness in his voice, unnoticeable by others, was clear to Faith. She'd felt that same way for most of her life. Until she'd hit rock bottom and Angel had helped her pull herself up out of the pit of despair she'd thrown herself in. Until she'd started herself on the road to redemption. And unlike her, Xander had nothing to be ashamed of; unlike her, he had always fought on the side of the angels. Unlike her, he's always done the right thing, no matter how hard it was or how much it would cost him. She'd be damned if he kept thinking so little of himself.
"You were never useless, Xander. You know it, I know it and most importantly, they know it too. When are you going to give this attitude up and start the healing?"
Alex stood up, angrily throwing the bottle in his hand against a wall.
"Why is everybody so keen on me going on my knees to beg for forgiveness? I didn't do anything wrong here, yet everybody tries to make me look like the bad guy? What's that all about, huh? This is another example of Queen Buffy's superiority; she's never wrong, she's all-knowing, all-seeing."
"Xander, you know that's not true. Hell, at one time, I thought just like you. Remember what happened? I joined up with Mayor Wilkins. I killed people, I even tried to kill you", she said softly.
"I'm only saying that you should stop brooding and holding everyone at arms length. Talk to them. I mean really talk to them. Get it all out of your system. It really helps, I know it did help me. Remember when you would come to visit me in jail? That first time, it was so awkward, neither one of us knowing where to begin."
"What to say to each other. But then you just blurted it all out."
"Yeah, I did, didn't I", Faith said, grinning as she walked over to where Alex was standing.
"Seeing you, apologizing to you, it was the hardest thing I've ever done. More so then when I had to talk to B. over the phone after Joyce died."
"I wish I could have done more for you back then, Faith."
"Don't be too hard on yourself, Xand. You did do a lot, I just wasn't in the mood to listen back then. I'm just glad things finally worked out between us", Faiths said as she stopped next to Xander.
Faith turned him around, pulling him into a tight hug, a soft sigh escaping her lips as she felt his arms wrap around her tightly. His scent filled her senses, fueling the long forgotten feelings he'd awakened inside of her. Pulling back reluctantly, she looked him straight in the eyes.
"So we're Five by Five, right? You promise to talk to B.?"
"No."
At Faith's angry scowl, Alex ran a finger through her hair, pushing some loose strands behind her ear. Faith had to use all her strength to contain the groan of pleasure rippling through her at his touch.
"Xander."
"Look, Faith. It's too soon for me to talk to her. We'd just come to blows or hurt each other even more. I will meet with Willow first. Care to set up a meeting?"
"Willow? Why?"
"You work your way up things. I have enough trouble gathering up the courage to talk to Willow. I don't think I could face Buffy right now."
"Okay, I'll talk to Willow tonight. I'll call you when I've set it up?"
"No", he answered with a smile.
"No?"
"No, you can tell me in person."
"What are you talking about, boy toy", Faith asked with a sultry smile.
"It's late and I'm tired. And I'm not going to let you walk out into the night. There is a bad element on the street at night, didn't you know", he answered with a grin.
"Really? I hadn't noticed", Faith grinned back. "So, what's the plan?"
"Well, you can take the bunk. I'll sleep on the floor."
"Are you sure? It might be a tight fit, but I'm sure we could make it work for us", she said, giving him a sexy smile.
"Thanks for the offer, Faith, as tempting as it is, but we both need our sleep. It is late, after all", Alex said, giving her one of his infamous lopsided smiles.
The two people stood in each others arms for a few more minutes, just savoring the feel. Finally, Faith broke the embrace, taking a deep breath to calm her nerves. Being this close to Xander was definitely not a good thing, if her rapid heart beat was any indication. Especially not when so many people's feelings were involved.
"Well, I hope you've got something for me to wear. Unless you don't mind getting an eyeful."
"I think I can scrounge up a shirt and jogging pants for you."
Taking the offered clothes, Faith walked behind the partition to change. When she came back around, she noticed that Xander had put fresh linnen on the military style cot.
"Miss, your bed awaits", he said with a smile.
"Why thank you, kind sir."
"You're quite welcome, dear lady."
"You sure you don't want to join me, Xan? The floor looks really cold and hard, you know."
"Good night, Faith", he said smiling, reaching out, his fingers brushing her left cheek before turning around and sliding into the sleeping bag at the other side of the room.
Faith watched him go, feeling his absence even though he was on the other side of the room. As she slid into the bed, all she could think about, was her reaction to Xander. She'd wanted him to stay close to her. She'd wanted him there with her, because she wasn't ready for him to leave her side and it scared her. But Faith knew something else. Until everything was settled between Xander and the Scoobies, specifically Buffy, she would keep her own feelings hidden.
'God, girl, when did you become such a goody-two-shoes? I'm trying to keep my hands off a really great guy coz I know someone else feels the same way about him', she admonished herself.
Adjusting herself, trying to get comfortable, Faith's mind was alive with thoughts. She knew she was a knockout. But until Xander, nobody had told her she was beautiful. Dressed in prison clothes, no make up, feeling like she was the last person on earth needing sympathy or understanding and he had still found her beautiful. She'd been called many things in her life, hot, a fox, sexy but never beautiful. He thought she was beautiful. With a sigh, she closed her eyes.
"You'd better start talking to him, B. I don't think I can do this much longer."
*** 0945 AM, July 14th, Montaguey Apartment Building, Sunnydale, CA ***
"Okay, it's settled then, Red? You'll meet him around noon?"
"Yes, Faith", came the subdued voice of Willow Rosenberg over the phoneline.
"I just wish he would have asked you to set it up with Buffy."
"He isn't ready for that yet, Red. I don't think she's either."
"Well, truthfully, I don't think I'm either."
"You'll do fine, Willow. Trust me. I think he'll be as nervous as you are."
There was silence for a few seconds, neither woman knowing what to say, or bring into words their doubts. Finally, Willow broke the uncomfortable silence.
"How is he, Faith?"
"The Xan-Man? He's good. He's very good, in fact", Faith responded, a wicked smile gracing her features. She could imagine Willow's face turning a bright red as the meaning of Faith's words became clear.
"Faith! You didn't! Tell me you didn't... How could you?"
"Take it easy, Red", Faith said, laughing loudly, "I was just yanking your chain. Nothing happened, Xan was a perfect gentleman and I kept my hands to myself."
"Uhm, that's good. That's very good. Because you know... things right now... well, they're quite screwed up..."
"Tell me about it! Last night, for the most part, it was like old times, you know? Me and Xan patrolling, talking, laughing. He was joking around, it was like nothing had ever changed. But all that changed when we went to Willy's. We got attacked the moment we stepped inside. Xander changed, Red. It was like watching a totally different person; he took those demons down like it was nothing. And then, he tied Willy up and began questioning him. At one point, he just shot at him when he kept saying he didn't know anything. The look in his eyes... It was so cold, like ice. I was really afraid, Willow."
Willow could hear the tremor of fear in Faith's voice as she described last night's goings on. It scared her even more, knowing that someone as strong and impulsive as Faith, a person who wasn't scared of much, could feel fear of someone.
"I'll talk to him. We have to bring him back, Faith, we just have to."
Ending the call, Faith dialled Xander's cellphone and told him about the appointment she'd made for him with Willow. Promising her that he would be there, he hung up. Taking a deep breath, Alex steeled himself for the first confrontation. There would be many questions, many accusations, even screaming but he had to get through it. His feelings were a mixed jumble of anger, apprehension but most of all, fear. Willow had been his best friend since childhood and she wouldn't let him get away with anything. Part of him wanted desperately to make things right again with the others, part of him wanted to flee like he had done all those years ago. But he had to squash the latter thought. Something had been missing from his life. A part of him had stayed in this town and unless he recaptured it, he would die. Maybe not physically, but die he would nonetheless. It was with these thoughts that he got ready.
A Buffy the Vampire Slayer story.
By: Ghostrider
Summary: What happens when your heart is ripped apart by those you love? A slayerette's return after years of absence causes old wounds to be ripped open.
Rating: R
Author's Note: This story takes place approximately 8 years after the events in the this season's last episode. Personally, I don't like the ending, it's too convenient. So I rewrote it to what I would have wanted to see. Furthermore, I would like to thank my Beta-readers Ozmandayus, Banquo and Scb047 for everything they've done.
Author's Note II:
My sincere apologies for the long wait, but r/l has been really acting up lately. Also, the phone company here made a mistake and took down my DSL line, turning it into an analogue phone line and getting them to turn their mistake back was turning into a cross between Chinese water torture and the chair dance as they and my provider were blaming each other on who was responsible. But I'm back now so expect some more delays as I continue to write.
Disclaimer: Joss Whedon, Fox, Mutant Enemy, the WB and UPN own the characters.
Chapter 9
*** 2006 PM, July 13th, The Magic Box, Sunnydale, CA ***
"Nothing! Not a bloody, damn thing!"
Giles slammed the last book closed; coupled with his loud, uncharacteristic exclamation, it was enough to startle the others in the room. Willow, Tara, Cordelia and Dawn all looked up at him as he walked around the room. Giles, normally the picture of the stiff British upper lip, looked haggard and worn.
"I am afraid that I have not had any luck either", Wesley stated as he walked back into the room.
"The Council has absolutely no idea who this demon is or what its plans are. Neither do any of my contacts. I even went to Caritas but the Host couldn't help me."
"You went to Caritas, Wes? Don't tell me you sang!"
"It is the only acceptable way to receive any information from Lorne, Cordelia. You know that."
"I, for one, am glad that I wasn't with you. Hearing Angel sing was bordering on traumatizing."
"Angel sings?"
"No, Willow, he tries but it's more like hearing a cat screech when you step on its tail."
"All the talk of singing aside, what are we going to do? I'm not going to lose my sister or any of my friends to this baddie."
"Nobody is going to die, Dawn."
The sound of a chair flying backwards and hitting the wall startled everyone. Dawn was in Rupert Giles' face a second later.
"Really? Can you guarantee that, Mister Almighty Watcher? Can you guarantee that Buffy is going to be okay? That Faith will survive? Can you guarantee that Xander will still be alive after this is over?"
Giles could do nothing but stare at the young girl he'd gotten custody off all those years ago and marvel at the young, independent and strong woman she'd become. So much like Buffy and their mother. Her eyes were alive with a mix of anger, fear and love, shining with unshed tears. She was scared, they all were.
"Dawn, you know how it works. We always prevail. Yes, things might get hairy at times but we always win."
Dawn whipped around, stopping Willow with a glare that would have made Buffy proud, had she been there.
"Don't patronize me, Willow. I know the score. So do you so don't pretend everything is gonna be fine."
Before Dawn could say anymore, Cordelia stepped in, taking the younger woman's arm and leading her out of the training room towards the shop.
"I'm putting some water on. Anyone want some tea or something", Wesley asked the subdued crowd.
Willow and Tara declined as Tara comforted her girlfriend, holding her tightly. Dawn's outburst had nearly broken Willow because it was the truth. Nobody knew what they were up against. This might very well be the last battle they all fought.
"I'll come with you, Wesley."
Both men walked into the small kitchen, Giles leaning against the cupboard, stretching his shoulders.
"Rupert, I'm sorry."
"Whatever for?"
"For not being any more help. I feel so useless!"
Giles watched as the younger Watcher put the kettle on the fire.
"Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why do you think you've not been a help? Is it because you cannot find anyone who has any knowledge about our foe? Is it because you don't feel that you've contributed enough to the cause? Is it because you think you're not capable of standing against the forces of darkness? Let me tell you a story about a young man I once met. He was full of himself, thought he knew all there was to know. When push came to shove, when it was time to face the evil he was trained to fight, he caved. He became a blabbering fool, asking for mercy and was willing to give up anything to survive.
But later on, he redeemed himself. Freed from his constraints, he became a force to be reckoned with. A self-proclaimed rogue demon hunter. A man who had the knowledge, the skills and the wherewithal to face evil wherever he encountered it. He teamed up with a small band of like-minded souls and became a force to be reckoned with. He might not know everything there is to know about the evil that surrounds us, but that didn't stop him from going into battle time and time again."
"Maybe I'll meet him sometime, Rupert", Wesley said dejectedly as he took the boiling water off the fire and poured the hot liquid into two mugs.
"Just look into a mirror sometimes, Wesley. There is where you'll find him. You've come a long way, my friend. Nobody knows everything. Certainly not about the demonic activities we're constantly faced with. There always will be some new evil, some new power that we don't know about. But we do what we do best, we try. That is all any of us can do. Will it be enough, who knows? But if we don't, who will hold the line? So don't ever think of yourself as useless. We'll find a way to stop this demon from whatever its goal is."
The silence that followed Giles' speech was a comfortable one as both men sipped their tea. Wesley couldn't remember feeling this good in his whole life. Giles' praise was like a balm for his soul. It made him feel good about himself, even in this dreaded situation.
"We're missing something."
"You've noticed it too, then?"
"Of course, Rupert. What do we know so far?"
"Not much, really. There is a new demon in town, a very powerful one."
"Powerful enough to have the local demon community in its thrall. The number of vampires and other demons on the street are almost negligible."
"It has the power to drain a slayer's powers."
"It has managed to have vampires and demons working together."
"Something only Adam has been able to do, on such a scale, to my knowledge."
"We're missing something, I know we are."
Both men were silent, running through everything they knew, how little of it there was.
"Like rats in a maze."
"Excuse me?"
"Like rats in a maze, Wesley. We're given a few clues, Cordelia's vision, Xander's dreams. Some encounters between our people and some minor minions, just to put us on edge. Their main goal to weaken the Slayer's support system."
"Divide and Conquer! Of course!"
"Yes, just like Adam did."
"Do you think it's Adam?"
"No, we destroyed him. He was just a human who'd had Demon parts grafted onto himself. I doubt he'd be resurrected."
"Maybe the Initiative has been restarted and they've resurrected the program", Wesley offered.
"Maybe, but I doubt it. Cordelia's vision and Xander's dreams would seem to preclude that. The demon they described is like nothing I've ever encountered, either in books or in real life."
"You said Glory was from another dimension. What if ..."
"We're dealing with a demon from another dimension? I think that you might have something there, Wesley", Giles said, his countenance revealing a rising in hope.
"If that is so, how do we find out who it is? It's not like we can go dimension hopping."
"Actually, I think there are a few ways. Dawn has the power to open inter-dimensional portals and I know a few spells to call on some powerful spirits that might shed some light on the situation."
"Then I think we should start with that."
Wesley was all smiles, a small measure of relief flooding his being. Giles too was feeling better then a short time before.
"There is still some other matter we must attend to, Rupert."
"Xander."
"Yes. Right now, things are tense. We must get Xander and the others to talk out their differences. As it stands now, we're in pretty bad shape. Everybody is going through a guilt trip because of what has happened. Everybody is walking on pins and needles, their concentration is in very bad shape."
"It all boils down to the relationship between Xander and Buffy. I'm sure that once they get their differences out of the way, things will get back to at least a semi-relaxed truce", Giles said thoughtfully.
"I sincerely hope so, because we'll need teamwork on this one and from what I've seen so far, I doubt that that is possible, what with all the fragmented feelings."
"Faith is working on him as we speak. If anyone can get through to Xander, it'll be her. She'll get him to talk to Buffy. What happens then, is out of our hands."
"Do you really think that sending Faith to talk to him is going to accomplish anything? After all, she did try to kill him once."
"Yes, but from what she's told me, he's visited her a few times in prison, before he left and their differences have been talked out. Also, she's the only one out of all of us who has never treated Xander as if he were useless, like the rest of us have done. Besides, their backgrounds are similar enough for an understanding to be reached between them. She's our best bet at the moment."
Nodding his head in understanding, Wesley sipped his tea. There was nothing more to be said.
Cordelia sat Dawn down on the steps of the stairs, sitting down next to her. Looking at the girl next to her, Cordelia felt for her. Dawn had at one time, had a crush on Xander and his disappearance had hit her hard. She'd gotten over it but there were still strong feelings there. Add to that the fact that Buffy, justified or not, was to blame for what had happened. It was no wonder Dawn was feeling so bad, having your sister fight with someone you both care deeply about.
"Want to talk about it?"
"I hate them both", came the quiet reply.
"Really? Why is that", Cordelia asked, knowing who Dawn was talking about.
"Yeah, really", Dawn answered, sarcastically.
"Care to fill me in why you hate them? From what I could tell, you seemed pretty chummy with Xan earlier and you and Buffy have always been so close. Now you suddenly hate them both? How did that happen?"
Dawn turned to look at Cordelia, the tears slowly flowing down her cheeks.
"I hate him because he left and her because she made him leave."
Dawn's body began to shake as the sobs started and Cordelia took her into her arms, hugging her tightly, her own eyes moist. Cordelia didn't know exactly what had happened to bring things to this bad state of affairs, but having been part of the Scooby gang for some time, she could very well imagine what had happened. Remembering how she and the others had treated him after the whole fluke with Willow, all those years ago, made her feel small and insignificant. Cordelia had the right to be angry and hurt, but even so, Xander didn't deserve being pushed aside by the others.
"He saved my life, Cor, and Buffy dismissed him like he was nothing", Dawn murmured.
"He did so much for us, not thinking about his own safety and look at what it cost him. Anya and a chance at happiness. A family, his friends, his humor, his smile, that never-say-die attitude of his that would always give us hope. She took that away from him."
Dawn buried her face into Cordelia, who started to rock her back and forth slowly, murmuring soft words of encouragement in her hair.
"He isn't laughing anymore. His eyes, they don't hold that spark of humor anymore, Cordelia. Buffy killed that, destroyed it like it was some evil demon, to be slain."
"She wanted him to be safe, Dawn. Wanted him to have that family and not worry about what great evil was next gunning for them. She didn't mean for any of this to happen. When he cheated on me with Willow, I was so angry. There was a part of me that wanted him to hurt as much as I was hurting but there was another part of me that didn't want anything to happen to him.
He showed me another side of myself, a side that I am proud of. I wasn't just the queen bitch of Sunnydale, I was a real person, a person with feelings. A person who deserved some happiness and love too. I love him for that. He's still my best friend, even after all these years and yes, I am angry at Buffy too for how she treated him at times. All of us are to blame for that to some extent. But I do understand why she did it. We just have to try and get him to understand the why and maybe he'll forgive us and we can all be friends again. It won't be easy but we can always hope. After all, he didn't have to come back to help us, now did he?"
"She was pregnant, you know?"
"What?"
"Anya was pregnant. I found out the morning before Glory got me. She swore me to secrecy because she didn't want Xander to worry about her. He'd already had too much on his mind. She was planning on telling him after everything was over, provided they'd survive. She never got the chance."
Cordelia couldn't say anything, her feelings in turmoil. Her heart went out to Xander, having lost so much. It wasn't fair, she screamed silently. It wasn't fair for one person to receive so much tragedy in their short life. Finally, the tears she'd been holding in, began to spill as both women grieved for the tragedies befallen their friends.
Tara stood behind Willow, as her girlfriend stared out in front of her, not seeing anything, her mind miles away, it seemed.
"Willow?"
"She's right. She's right. We don't know anything. We act like everything is going to be alright but that is not true. How can we fight something we know nothing about? How can we help the people we love?"
"We will help them like we always have done, Willow. We'll be there for them and give them our strength."
Willow pulled herself out of Tara's arms, turning towards her angrily.
"Don't say that! Don't say everything is going to be alright, because you don't know that! None of us know that! I lost my best friend because I wanted to protect him! 8 years! 8 years of our lives, thrown away! And for what? False pride? Telling ourselves we didn't need him? We've known each other almost our entire lives and do you know what I did?"
Willow seemed to have gone over the edge, as she ranted and raved, walking back and forth through the room. Tara didn't know what to do to calm her down, her own anxiety rising rapidly.
"I ignored him, belittled him, made fun of him. I hurt him and I'm supposed to be his best friend. I never had time for him anymore. What I did, it was like saying that Xander wasn't important to me anymore. What does that say about me, huh? What does that say about me? He did so much for us, he was willing to give his life without a second thought to save us all and I just pushed him aside."
Willow's tantrum subsided as quickly as it had set on; one minute she was screaming at the top of her lungs, the next her face scrunched up, as the tears start to come in earnest. Within seconds, Tara had her in her arms, hugging her tightly, murmuring soft words of encouragement. Giles, Wesley, Dawn and Cordelia had come in, hearing Willow's screams and all watched the two Wicca's. Willow saw them, pulling herself out of Tara's arms.
"I'm sorry for going off like that."
"No need to apologize, Willow. None of us really got the chance to work through our issues regarding Xander", Giles stated softly as he handed her a tissue.
"Now, he's back and it's like he's another person", Cordelia said.
"Yes, well, I think we've done enough for tonight. Why don't you all go home and get some rest?"
Before anyone could protest, he held up his hands.
"We've researched every book and database there is and have come up with nothing. The Council has no information either. Neither do any of our regular contacts. Wesley and I have a theory but it will take some time to get everything together to try it out. It's late, we're all exhausted. Let's all just go home and rest."
"But what about the others on patrol? Wouldn't they find it strange that there is no one here when they get back?"
"Yes, Cordelia, and that is exactly why I'm staying here until Buffy and the others come back. Then I intend to give them the same speech and see them home. Now off you go."
Shooing his charges out of the store, Giles was again amazed how such a group of widely different people had become such a tight-knit group. They were there for one another, no matter what. Their only failure had been the one young man he'd always thought of as a son. Vowing to do anything he could to remedy that situation, Giles closed the door and began to gather the supplies needed for the supplication.
*** 2117 PM, July 13th, Lindenhall Cemetary, Sunnydale, CA ***
"Damn!"
Faith had lined up several stones, kicking each in turn, trying to bounce them off a nearby headstone, then into an empty flowerpot. Up till now, she'd managed to do it only once.
"This is so frustrating!"
"What? The fact that your tryouts for the Sunnydale Women's soccer team are a bust? I could have told you that, but would you listen? Nope, not at all", Alex said, leaning against a tree as he swept the area with his eyes. They had been patrolling several cemeteries for the last few hours and they had encountered not a single vampire or demon.
"Ha ha ha, X-man. You should have gone into stand-up comedy. By now, you'd probably have your own sitcom."
"No thanks, television never appealed to me as a career path. You've got to get up way too early to my liking. Seriously, what is so frustrating?"
"We've been out here for hours! And not one vamp has shown their toothy grins! And I was really looking forward to kicking some undead butt. I thought they were out to get us. What changed?"
Alex walked over to her and grabbed the last stone from the ground, proceeding to throw it into the flowerpot.
"Murphy's Law of Combat, number 23: The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions:
When they're ready; When you're not."
Faith looked at Xander, eyebrows raised.
"Oookay, and that would mean what, exactly?"
"Easy. Whoever is in charge wanted to give you a demonstration of his power. Right now, we don't know squat about who or what he is, where he is hiding, what his intentions are, apart from needing you for some sort of ritual. We do know that he's got the whole demon population wrapped tightly around his finger. We know he's incredibly powerful and capable of negating the Slayer powers. We're running around in circles trying to figure this guy out. I'm willing to bet even money that the others haven't found a clue to any of the above questions. We get frustrated, we start making mistakes. We make mistakes, he exploits them and before you know it, we're neck deep in trouble."
"Boy toy, I never figured you to be a Zen follower", Faith grinned.
"Zen isn't really my thing. But then again, there are no Atheïsts in a foxhole either", he grinned back.
"So, we'll just have to wait and keep our guard up."
"Never go out alone at any time of the day. That would be tempting fate. No pun intended."
Alex looked Faith up and down, his left eyebrow raised; what he saw there was quite appealing, since Faith still dressed like he remembered. Tight fitting jeans, tight, very revealing top and short leather jacket. Faith noticed the look and felt herself blush, suddenly feeling rather shy. A feeling she didn't have much experience with. Coughing a little, she decided to change the subject, before she did something stupid.
"Hey Xan."
"Yeah?"
"Why a Marine?"
Alex looked at Faith, wondering why she'd asked him that question. Looking away to scan their surroundings again, he tried to decide how he was going to answer her. It was obvious she had something else she wanted to bring up, but didn't exactly know how to do it. Maybe it was time to take Mr. Lee's advice and start listening.
"What do you say we kick this place and go to mine for some hot chow and cold drinks? We'll talk all about my joining up and anything else you want to talk about. Sounds fair to you?"
"As long as you're buying the food, I'm in. And none of that canned stuff you've got in that drafty place of yours. I wouldn't feed it to my dog."
"You don't have a dog, Faith."
"My point exactly."
Laughing under his breath and shaking his head, Alex began to walk to his bike, Faith falling in step with him.
*** 2245 PM, July 13th, Jameson Trucking, Sunnydale, CA ***
The small collapsible table was filled with take-out boxes, all empty, several empty bottles of spring water next to them. Candles were alight around the room. The two occupants were sitting on the floor enjoying the companionable silence; they'd gone to Fook Long's Chinese restaurant before coming back to Alex's place. Since they'd left the cemetery, neither had spoken a single word. Neither knew where to start, it seemed. Finally, Faith cleared her throat.
"So, boy toy, you still owe me an answer."
Alex looked at her through hooded eyes, the light of the candles casting shadows over her face, enhancing her natural beauty.
"What was the question again?"
"Xand, why did you choose the Marines?"
Alex looked thoughtful for a moment, gathering his thoughts before answering her.
"I guess you could say I was looking for something where I could make a difference."
"And did you find what you were looking for?"
Alex looked at her for a moment, taking a sip of water.
"For the most part, yes."
"For the most part? What's missing then?"
Alex seemed to be lost in thought for a moment before answering.
"I don't really know."
"You don't really know? What kind of stupid answer is that? Come on, Xan, you must have an idea."
"Okay, so I feel like there is something missing, only, I don't know what it is, alright?"
Faith sat there for a few moments, pondering his words.
"Maybe it's because you weren't doing it together with your family, Xan."
Snorting, he answered her.
"My family? What family? My drunken father? My oblivious mother?"
"You know what I mean! The Scoobies! Willow, Giles, Tara.... Buffy."
"They're not my family. Just acquaintances. I was always the black sheep of the group. Useless."
The underlying note of sadness in his voice, unnoticeable by others, was clear to Faith. She'd felt that same way for most of her life. Until she'd hit rock bottom and Angel had helped her pull herself up out of the pit of despair she'd thrown herself in. Until she'd started herself on the road to redemption. And unlike her, Xander had nothing to be ashamed of; unlike her, he had always fought on the side of the angels. Unlike her, he's always done the right thing, no matter how hard it was or how much it would cost him. She'd be damned if he kept thinking so little of himself.
"You were never useless, Xander. You know it, I know it and most importantly, they know it too. When are you going to give this attitude up and start the healing?"
Alex stood up, angrily throwing the bottle in his hand against a wall.
"Why is everybody so keen on me going on my knees to beg for forgiveness? I didn't do anything wrong here, yet everybody tries to make me look like the bad guy? What's that all about, huh? This is another example of Queen Buffy's superiority; she's never wrong, she's all-knowing, all-seeing."
"Xander, you know that's not true. Hell, at one time, I thought just like you. Remember what happened? I joined up with Mayor Wilkins. I killed people, I even tried to kill you", she said softly.
"I'm only saying that you should stop brooding and holding everyone at arms length. Talk to them. I mean really talk to them. Get it all out of your system. It really helps, I know it did help me. Remember when you would come to visit me in jail? That first time, it was so awkward, neither one of us knowing where to begin."
"What to say to each other. But then you just blurted it all out."
"Yeah, I did, didn't I", Faith said, grinning as she walked over to where Alex was standing.
"Seeing you, apologizing to you, it was the hardest thing I've ever done. More so then when I had to talk to B. over the phone after Joyce died."
"I wish I could have done more for you back then, Faith."
"Don't be too hard on yourself, Xand. You did do a lot, I just wasn't in the mood to listen back then. I'm just glad things finally worked out between us", Faiths said as she stopped next to Xander.
Faith turned him around, pulling him into a tight hug, a soft sigh escaping her lips as she felt his arms wrap around her tightly. His scent filled her senses, fueling the long forgotten feelings he'd awakened inside of her. Pulling back reluctantly, she looked him straight in the eyes.
"So we're Five by Five, right? You promise to talk to B.?"
"No."
At Faith's angry scowl, Alex ran a finger through her hair, pushing some loose strands behind her ear. Faith had to use all her strength to contain the groan of pleasure rippling through her at his touch.
"Xander."
"Look, Faith. It's too soon for me to talk to her. We'd just come to blows or hurt each other even more. I will meet with Willow first. Care to set up a meeting?"
"Willow? Why?"
"You work your way up things. I have enough trouble gathering up the courage to talk to Willow. I don't think I could face Buffy right now."
"Okay, I'll talk to Willow tonight. I'll call you when I've set it up?"
"No", he answered with a smile.
"No?"
"No, you can tell me in person."
"What are you talking about, boy toy", Faith asked with a sultry smile.
"It's late and I'm tired. And I'm not going to let you walk out into the night. There is a bad element on the street at night, didn't you know", he answered with a grin.
"Really? I hadn't noticed", Faith grinned back. "So, what's the plan?"
"Well, you can take the bunk. I'll sleep on the floor."
"Are you sure? It might be a tight fit, but I'm sure we could make it work for us", she said, giving him a sexy smile.
"Thanks for the offer, Faith, as tempting as it is, but we both need our sleep. It is late, after all", Alex said, giving her one of his infamous lopsided smiles.
The two people stood in each others arms for a few more minutes, just savoring the feel. Finally, Faith broke the embrace, taking a deep breath to calm her nerves. Being this close to Xander was definitely not a good thing, if her rapid heart beat was any indication. Especially not when so many people's feelings were involved.
"Well, I hope you've got something for me to wear. Unless you don't mind getting an eyeful."
"I think I can scrounge up a shirt and jogging pants for you."
Taking the offered clothes, Faith walked behind the partition to change. When she came back around, she noticed that Xander had put fresh linnen on the military style cot.
"Miss, your bed awaits", he said with a smile.
"Why thank you, kind sir."
"You're quite welcome, dear lady."
"You sure you don't want to join me, Xan? The floor looks really cold and hard, you know."
"Good night, Faith", he said smiling, reaching out, his fingers brushing her left cheek before turning around and sliding into the sleeping bag at the other side of the room.
Faith watched him go, feeling his absence even though he was on the other side of the room. As she slid into the bed, all she could think about, was her reaction to Xander. She'd wanted him to stay close to her. She'd wanted him there with her, because she wasn't ready for him to leave her side and it scared her. But Faith knew something else. Until everything was settled between Xander and the Scoobies, specifically Buffy, she would keep her own feelings hidden.
'God, girl, when did you become such a goody-two-shoes? I'm trying to keep my hands off a really great guy coz I know someone else feels the same way about him', she admonished herself.
Adjusting herself, trying to get comfortable, Faith's mind was alive with thoughts. She knew she was a knockout. But until Xander, nobody had told her she was beautiful. Dressed in prison clothes, no make up, feeling like she was the last person on earth needing sympathy or understanding and he had still found her beautiful. She'd been called many things in her life, hot, a fox, sexy but never beautiful. He thought she was beautiful. With a sigh, she closed her eyes.
"You'd better start talking to him, B. I don't think I can do this much longer."
*** 0945 AM, July 14th, Montaguey Apartment Building, Sunnydale, CA ***
"Okay, it's settled then, Red? You'll meet him around noon?"
"Yes, Faith", came the subdued voice of Willow Rosenberg over the phoneline.
"I just wish he would have asked you to set it up with Buffy."
"He isn't ready for that yet, Red. I don't think she's either."
"Well, truthfully, I don't think I'm either."
"You'll do fine, Willow. Trust me. I think he'll be as nervous as you are."
There was silence for a few seconds, neither woman knowing what to say, or bring into words their doubts. Finally, Willow broke the uncomfortable silence.
"How is he, Faith?"
"The Xan-Man? He's good. He's very good, in fact", Faith responded, a wicked smile gracing her features. She could imagine Willow's face turning a bright red as the meaning of Faith's words became clear.
"Faith! You didn't! Tell me you didn't... How could you?"
"Take it easy, Red", Faith said, laughing loudly, "I was just yanking your chain. Nothing happened, Xan was a perfect gentleman and I kept my hands to myself."
"Uhm, that's good. That's very good. Because you know... things right now... well, they're quite screwed up..."
"Tell me about it! Last night, for the most part, it was like old times, you know? Me and Xan patrolling, talking, laughing. He was joking around, it was like nothing had ever changed. But all that changed when we went to Willy's. We got attacked the moment we stepped inside. Xander changed, Red. It was like watching a totally different person; he took those demons down like it was nothing. And then, he tied Willy up and began questioning him. At one point, he just shot at him when he kept saying he didn't know anything. The look in his eyes... It was so cold, like ice. I was really afraid, Willow."
Willow could hear the tremor of fear in Faith's voice as she described last night's goings on. It scared her even more, knowing that someone as strong and impulsive as Faith, a person who wasn't scared of much, could feel fear of someone.
"I'll talk to him. We have to bring him back, Faith, we just have to."
Ending the call, Faith dialled Xander's cellphone and told him about the appointment she'd made for him with Willow. Promising her that he would be there, he hung up. Taking a deep breath, Alex steeled himself for the first confrontation. There would be many questions, many accusations, even screaming but he had to get through it. His feelings were a mixed jumble of anger, apprehension but most of all, fear. Willow had been his best friend since childhood and she wouldn't let him get away with anything. Part of him wanted desperately to make things right again with the others, part of him wanted to flee like he had done all those years ago. But he had to squash the latter thought. Something had been missing from his life. A part of him had stayed in this town and unless he recaptured it, he would die. Maybe not physically, but die he would nonetheless. It was with these thoughts that he got ready.