Penname: Page of Cups
Email: AndromedanPrincess@hotmail.com
Title: Everything Changes
Pairing: Ron Weasley/Draco Malfoy
Rating: R
Summary: Harry isn't happy and Ron wants to make his own mistakes.
Chapter Eleven: Three Sides to Every Situation
"You do know you're going to have to go back there sometime."
Shifting his gaze from the fire to Draco, Ron sighed.
"No, I don't. I could just move in here."
"No, you will not," snapped Draco. "This is my room and from what I've seen in Gryffindor, you aren't the neatest living partner I could acquire. I like things neat and tidy."
"That had better be the only reason you plan on sending me back to Gryffindor to be assaulted."
"I'm not sending you back to Gryffindor to be assaulted. I'm just reminding you that you will have to go back there eventually. Finnigan seems to be taking it well, and Potter'll come around. Don't worry yourself about him. Why's he so important anyway?"
"Because he's my best friend, Draco. I care about how he feels."
"I can't imagine why."
"Do you care about how I feel?"
"Er -" said Draco, shifting his attention away from Ron and onto some highly interesting point on the wall. "This isn't about us. Don't bring the complicated relationship we have into this."
"We have to talk about that eventually, but I just wanted to prove to you that a friend's opinion matters. I guess I was the wrong person to use as an example. What about Goyle? You'd care about what he thought, wouldn't you?"
"That's different."
"No, it isn't. Harry's my best mate, Draco, and I can't imagine life without him there. We had this wicked bad fight in fourth year and I was miserable the entire time. Most of it I spent trying to come up with ways to apologize for being a git. The hardest thing about this is that this isn't like fourth year. I can't apologize for being with you. I am with you, aren't I?"
"You heard me tell Potter that you are."
"I thought you didn't believe in relationships."
"I don't. Not as of this moment, but as much as I don't like it, I'm out of control on this one. I couldn't bear for you to only be a one night stand and now we're in a relationship. The fact of the matter was that I just avoided titling it. I don't believe that they work but I'm expanding my mind and giving you the chance to prove me wrong."
"That's a tall order. I'll try not to disappoint."
"Good. Don't worry about Potter. If he refuses to forgive you for being with someone like me, then he wasn't a very good friend in the first place. Granted, I didn't turn out to be the best friend, either, but at least I came back. It took me ten years, but I'm trying."
Pressing his lips tightly together, Ron nodded and Draco got the distinct impression that he had only vaguely heard what was said if he even heard at all. He stared at Ron sitting in the chair opposite him, his long legs tucked under his body and his arms hugging his torso.
"Ron," said Draco, frowning at the sad and distant look on Ron's face. He sighed at the fact Ron didn't seem to hear him and he stood from his own chair, crossing over to where Ron was seated. Kneeling before him, Draco gently pulled Ron's arms away from his torso and slipped his hands into Ron's, winding their fingers. "Fuck Potter, Ron. I mean it. If he only likes you when you're stuffed in his shadow, then he isn't worth your time. You shouldn't be following someone like him around anyway. You're more than that and you know it. I know I haven't done much for you to trust me or to choose me over that scar-faced shit, but we were once friends. You reminded me of that. I took ten years to get over my demons but I'm here now. If all it takes is for you to date one of your former friends for Potter to turn his tail and abandon you, then fuck him."
"It still hurts."
Draco stared at Ron solemnly and nodded.
"You should go back to Gryffindor Tower. Talk to him and find out where he stands. You haven't even said a word to him since this afternoon. For all you know, Potter was in shock and is over it by now. You could be worrying yourself for nothing."
"You actually want me to go back to my dorm and straighten things out with Harry?"
"If it will wipe that frown off your face, yes. Potter is stealing all the attention that you're supposed to reserve for me."
"I see how it is," said Ron, trying to smile, but the fight was a failed one and tears started to immediately prick at the corner of his eyes. He tried to force them back, not wanting Draco to see him cry or show any sign of weakness. It was nothing short of a miracle that Draco was admitting to something more than just shagging and he didn't want to scare him away.
"What's bothering you? It's something besides Potter. What is it?"
"How do you know that?" asked Ron.
"I don't know. I can't just tell. I feel that you're more upset than you're letting on. Does that make any sense?"
"Yes," said Ron, meekly. "I just - did you know you were a guy?"
"What kind of question is that?" asked Draco, laughing.
"I never even thought about it before. I just knew that I cared about you and I like being with you. The thought never even occurred to me that I should be feeling that way about a girl instead of a guy."
"The wizarding world doesn't make a big deal out of homosexuality. However, I hear it's a big deal to muggles."
"Really? Muggles think it's a big deal? How do you know about muggles?"
"Father thinks it's important that I learn what the socially unacceptable things are in the muggle world to make for easier prey when I join the Death Eaters, silly, ignorant bugger. Thinks himself very perceptive but doesn't have enough sense to realize his own son loathes him. It's almost sad, isn't it?"
"You loathe your father?"
"You'd loathe your father, too, if he wanted you to be a permanent puppet. I played the part long enough, straight up through Anthony. If a cheating boyfriend and broken ribs is what I get for trusting my father and depending on what he thinks is best for me, then I don't even want to know him. After I graduate, I'm out of here. I don't know where I'm going, but I'm getting away from him, and I hope the Aurors get him."
"That's rather harsh, don't you think?"
"I don't care," said Draco, picking at one of the loose threads of Ron's too-short, shabby robes. "You need new clothes."
"Thanks for pointing that out, Draco," said Ron. "You always do know how to charm me."
"I'm sorry," he said, bowing his head. "I didn't mean it like that. It didn't even occur to me what I was saying and to whom until after it was out of my mouth. Doesn't change the fact of the matter, though. You do need new robes. Christmas is in two weeks. Perhaps I should get you some."
"Christmas. I hadn't even thought of that. I've been so preoccupied hating myself for being pathetic enough to let you shag me."
"You've been hating yourself?" Draco sounded slightly hurt and Ron looked down at him, wondering what the blond was wondering not for the first time since this entire messy ordeal had begun.
"I knew you were going to end up hurting me," said Ron, focusing on Draco's fingers playing with the loose threads and he felt his cheeks turning warm, ashamed of the state of his clothing. "I hadn't realized I was so starved for attention that I would even accept it from you in the form of sex. You know, it's no small wonder that Harry's disgusted with me. Over the past few years, I haven't exactly been quiet on my views about you and your sex life."
"And just what are you views on my sex life?"
"I think you sleep around far too much."
"Only one person warms my bed these days," said Draco, grinning but refusing to meet Ron's eyes as if he didn't want to acknowledge who it was he was admitting this to. "You're different to me. Don't hate yourself on account of something I've done. You're more to me than the others were."
"I know."
"What do you want to do for Christmas?"
"What?"
"Well, I imagine we'll be together for Christmas so what do you want to do?"
"I have to stay here. Mum and Dad's orders, not that you could come home with me anyway. I don't know how my parents would take that."
"I'm staying here, too, so that works out well. I refuse to go home to my father but as where your parents are keeping you here with the intent that Hogwarts is one of the safest places to be, my father is keeping me here to keep me out of his way. Last time I stayed here was second year because he was busying planning that Chamber of Secrets thing that I didn't even know about until last year. My father doesn't tell me a thing. Voldemort keeps him in the dark and he keeps me in the dark. It's an endless cycle."
"Harry and Hermione are staying, too. Harry has nowhere to go and Hermione is staying for me, or at least that's what they were going to do. Who knows what they have planned now that they despise me for being with you. If you'd like, you can come spend the morning with me just after breakfast. We can exchange gifts then. Almost all of Gryffindor is going to be gone anyway."
"Okay," said Draco, pulling Ron down by the front of his robes to press his lips firmly against Ron's and lingering long enough for the flesh to tingle. "Go back to Gryffindor, talk to Potter, and get things straightened out. I don't want to see you moping around the next time we're in a room together."
"Thanks," said Ron, rising to his feet and Draco stood up beside him. Their hands were still joined and Ron was suddenly very aware of it and how intimate the gesture really was, probably more so than sex. It indicated there was something more that went beyond the raw lust and Ron tried to fight a blush creeping into his cheeks while cursing his skin for giving away his emotions so easily. "Draco?"
"Yes?" said Draco, his voice painfully small almost as if he expected Ron to say the words he was thinking.
"Nothing. I'll see you tomorrow."
"Okay."
Draco walked Ron to the door and they exchanged one last kiss before Ron glanced out the door to make sure the prefects corridor was empty. Finding himself in the clear, he said goodbye and slowly drew his fingers out of Draco's, missing the touch as he headed in the direction of Gryffindor. Hanging in the doorway, Draco watched Ron until he turned the corner and was out of sight. Despite the fact he was gone, Draco remained, his fingers itching. He wanted to go after him, throw that bloody 'L' word at him until he was blue in the face, but Draco forced himself to stay back. Ron had felt it, too. It wasn't something he could explain, but Draco couldn't shake the feeling that he was in tune with Ron's emotions, thoughts, and though he had always been able to read Weasley's face like a book, it was something deeper.
They had gotten themselves in deep this time. If only one had done the unthinkable, developed real emotions for the other, things could be managed. Keeping them both in check when they had actually had the audacity to go and do something foolish like fall in love was going to be more difficult. Draco was almost relieved Ron hadn't admitted it. He couldn't lie to Ron but he couldn't tell him the truth, either. Things had just gotten very complicated and Draco briefly wondered why he could be so tuned to Ron as he closed the door and collapsed in his bed.
~*~
That had truly been scary. As Ron sat there in the Head Boy room, staring into the fire and listening to Malfoy's voice ramble about unimportant things, he could think of nothing else than Harry and what he was doing at the moment. Though it was painfully obvious and would have been even to someone like Parkinson or Crabbe and Goyle (here, Ron felt guilty knowing that Goyle was supporting his relationship with Draco), it had still caught him off-guard with the way Draco had read him. It wasn't thinking, observing that Ron was hurting, it was simply knowing, feeling it every bit as much as Ron was, and Draco seemed like he really cared. It was hard for Ron to believe that only a few days ago Draco had refused to give what they had a title and today he was holding Ron's hand, telling him that whether he liked it or not, they were in a relationship.
Of course things had to be buggered up, though. That was simply how the life of Ron Weasley read. If he were to sit down and write an autobiography, the title would have to be 'Right Place at the Wrong Time.' Just as things had gotten to a point with Draco where their childhood friendship was returning and a romantic relationship was forming, Harry had to discover it, and there went the best friend that Ron treasured. As the fates would have it, he apparently couldn't have a lover and a best friend. It was asking too much.
That was what made it so stupid of Ron to have almost let the words slip out of his mouth. Draco had just come around, and though things were happening at a very rapid pace considering that it was only four days ago that Draco had refused to title them, there was no way that Ron could count on Draco to have changed that completely. When and how it had happened was still a mystery, but the truth of the matter was that it had happened regardless, and Ron had almost told Draco. Thousands of horror scenes flickered through his mind at the thought of Draco hearing that Ron loved him, all of which ended badly, and some of which ended with Ron in the infirmary, a vital body part missing or horribly disfigured.
Walking up to the portrait of the fat lady, he said, "Rilian," and was pleased that she was too sleepy to argue with him about being out late even though it was just before curfew. Crawling through the portrait hole, Ron stilled in his steps as he entered the Gryffindor common room. The sight that greeted him was nothing remotely close to a pleasant one and he sighed upon seeing five heads snap up at his entrance, ten eyes focused on him as he struggled with where he wanted to go. Deciding there was no escape and he would have to confront it eventually, Ron dragged himself over to the table Hermione, Harry, Dean, Neville, and Seamus were seated at.
"Where have you been?" asked Harry, softly.
"I suppose they told you," said Ron, looking to Hermione. She nodded.
"Were you with him?" asked Harry.
"Yeah, I was," said Ron, feeling dejected and worn out. Harry bit his lower lip and nodded.
"I think we need to talk privately."
"I do, too."
"Good luck, Ron," said Seamus as Harry stood from the table. "I support you completely."
"Thanks, Seamus," said Ron, actually meaning it for the first time in a long while. So what if it was Seamus? Despite all the complaining Ron did about him, he was still a good friend, and it was nice to have the support of someone, especially someone as close as Seamus was, when it felt like the entire world was against him.
Following Harry out of the common room, Ron squirmed as he imagined what they must have been saying about him for the hours he had been in absence. Hermione knew now, too, and Ron could only imagine what Harry and Seamus must have said they'd seen. They never were very good at accurately describing situations, and Ron could only hope they didn't make it sound worse than what it really was. Preparing himself for what felt like his millionth fight this week, Ron closed the door to the dormitory behind him and looked up to see Harry seated on the side of his bed and staring directly at Ron.
"Why didn't you tell me?" was the first thing to come out of Harry's mouth.
"I - don't know. I guess I was embarrassed."
"I'm supposed to be your best friend and you don't tell me anything anymore. That hurts, Ron. I'm sorry I've been preoccupied but I do try to make time for you."
"I know that, Harry. My entire life doesn't revolve around you. I'm not dating Draco just because of something you did or didn't do."
"I know that. I want to know why you thought you had to keep something like this from me be it Malfoy or not. When Hermione asked if you were seeing someone, I laughed because I was sure that you would tell us if you had been. I was under the impression that we trusted each other with everything. Why wouldn't you tell me?"
"Because I was humiliated, Harry," said Ron, dropped his head back to hit the door. "You'd be embarrassed too if you felt so neglected that you responded to every pathetic glance that was thrown in your general direction."
"What happened, Ron? How did it happen? I mean, this is Malfoy we're talking about."
"I wouldn't even know where to start."
"The beginning is usually the best."
Swallowing, Ron nodded.
"If you want to start at the beginning, I'd probably have to go back all the way to child care when I first met him. That's how this all starts. I told you that Draco and I were once best friends and he's my oldest friend. He was my first friend. Ever since coming to Hogwarts, part of me has been watching him, waiting for that part of him that I was once friends with to emerge from the cold exterior he buried it beneath. It never happened. He was starting to get worse and now I know why. It's not my place to tell you what's happened to him, I don't even know everything, but I know some of the reasons why he is the way he is, and it hurts to see him like that.
"He was my friend, Harry. I trusted him before I ever trusted anyone other than maybe my parents and Charlie. I knew how he could be and I wanted the Draco I knew to come back. I held onto that even though I thought it was hopeless. Recently, you know how Seamus kept saying Draco seemed to be checking me out. We all thought it was a joke. Turns out, he really was. When we had that detention in the trophy room last month, he kissed me. We've been shagging for a month. I like the attention. I like that he notices me. And when you caught us today, you stormed out, and I thought you hated me, Draco did everything that a friend and a boyfriend is supposed to do. He held me and started talking about unimportant shit that I wasn't even listening to just so that he could either try and distract me or give me the comfort of his presence. He doesn't acknowledge what he's doing in words, but I know why he does it. I just feel it."
"How can you trust him?" interrupted Harry, darkly. "For all you know, Malfoy is just using you. He could be waiting to get his dark mark, writing his father and telling him all about how he's got you right where he wants you. For all you know, Malfoy could be waiting to turn you over to Voldemort."
"Don't say that, Harry," said Ron, softly.
"It's true, Ron. You don't know. It's impossible to know who you can and can't trust anymore and I don't trust Malfoy. He's never given us any reason to trust him and he could be filling you with imaginary stories without you knowing. There's no substantial evidence that he can give you -"
"I have faith in him, Harry. Anyone could be against us. That's just the thing. It is impossible to know who to trust, but I'm not going to cut off contact with everyone around me just because they could possibly be working for Voldemort. I trust him."
"I think it's a bad decision, Ron, but that's just my opinion."
"Exactly. You think it's a bad decision and I respect your opinion, but it's my decision to make, and I choose to believe him. I need to believe him. If it turns out that he's been misleading me the entire time, everything's over for me, and my faith is going to be shattered. I won't be able to believe in anyone anymore. You don't understand. He's been a part of me for almost my entire life. I need to believe that under the hardness, he's still the same Draco that killed spiders for me in child care. If I lose that, I lose the faith I have that there's an innate sense of goodness in this world. I can't believe my childhood friend is gone."
"For your sake, I sincerely hope you're right."
"You aren't the only one."
"I'm sorry about the way I reacted. I want to keep you as a friend but I don't trust him, Ron. I'm not going to make friends with him and I honestly doubt that I'll ever be able to look at him as a person worth my loyalty. I can't say that I like this, I really can't say that I condone this, but you're my friend and I have no other options than to accept that it's your decision to make."
"It is my decision, Harry."
"I know. I just don't want to see you get hurt by a git like Malfoy."
"Hey. That git is my boyfriend."
"How serious are things? I mean, I know you said you've just been shagging and I guess when I heard he was your boyfriend, it was the first time you heard he was your boyfriend, but - you said you wanted something more when you were still in your fight. And the way you get when you start talking about him - I just . . . oh gods, Ron, things are getting so complicated."
"You're telling me."
"What I mean to say is . . . do you love him?"
Ron hesitated, pushing himself away from the door and crossing the room to sit next to Harry on his bed. Hanging his head, Ron laced his fingers together and let his clasped hands sit in his lap as he pondered his answer. A clump of copper hair dropped over his forehead, just barely fringing over the top of his eyes, allowing the bright blue to stare up at Harry with a startling contrast.
"Yeah," he said after a long time. "I do. I love him, and I almost told him so just before he made me come back here to make nice with you. That would not have gone over well. He freaked out enough as is when I wanted a title. I don't know what he'd do if he knew I was in love with him. Probably think I was nutters, that much is for sure."
"I suppose that you don't believe he loves you, then."
"No."
"You deserve more than that, Ron."
"I know, but I can't bring myself to leave him. I love him too much. I want to be with him even if he doesn't want to be with me. I know. I'm crazy, sad, and pathetic. You don't need to tell me."
"You aren't crazy, sad, or pathetic. You're just in love. I still don't like this."
"If it's a mistake, it's a mistake I have to learn from on my own."
"I love you, Ron. Even if he turns out to be what I expect him to be, know that there is some good. I'm still here and so is Hermione, your family . . . we all love you, even if Malfoy doesn't."
"I love you, too, but you know it's not the same."
"I know."
"Harry, is Hermione very angry about this?"
"Actually, she didn't look too surprised when we told her. In fact, I think she was more surprised that we had found out. Then again, we shouldn't be too terribly shocked if she does. Hermione has a way of figuring out everything without us noticing. If you're feeling bad, though, you should go talk to her. I'm sorry I walked out and made you think I hated you. I needed to think."
"It's okay so long as I still have my best friend."
"You're always going to have me," said Harry, grinning. "There's nothing you could do to lose me. Granted we're going to get in rows for the rest of our lives, probably really big ones, but we'll work our way through. We always do."
"Thanks, Harry."
"No problem."
The boys exchanged small smiles before Harry urged Ron out of the room and down into the common room where Seamus, Hermione, Dean, and Neville were all very interested to hear about what had gone down between Harry and Ron up in the dormitory. Hermione gave Ron a soft smile as he sat down next to her and tried not to look as uncomfortable as he felt. From the sympathetic look he was receiving from Seamus, it seemed that his attempt was going from trying into failure at a rapid rate.
"Hey, Hermione," said Ron, softly.
"Hi, Ron."
"Harry told me that you heard. I suppose it was Seamus that told you."
"Not everything is because of me, Ron," said Seamus, rolling his eyes.
"Oh be quiet," said Dean, leering at Seamus. Neville quickly shook his head.
"What?" said Seamus. "I'm the only one who is being a good friend here so far. I'm trying to lighten the mood and make Ron feel like there's less pressure on him. He deserves that much. So he's shagging Malfoy? Big deal. I'd shag Malfoy, too, if the offer was presented."
"Thanks, Seamus."
"No problem, Ron. Any time you need me to set one of these fools straight, just seek out my assistance. I'm always happy to come to the aid of a friend."
"Its okay, Ron," interrupted Hermione. "I'm not shocked, shaken, or disgusted. I've never been so close to a - er - bisexual before, if that's what you are, but I'll try to get comfortable with the idea. My family has always been a little traditional in our views and I know it's accepted here in the wizarding world. I really will try."
"You don't hate me?"
"Of course not. Anyway, I had an idea it was Malfoy."
"You had an idea?" said Harry, staring hard at her. "Why didn't you tell me? I could have used a fair warning before it got shoved straight into my face."
"Harry, you would have known, too, if you had been paying better attention," said Hermione, crossly. "Things that are blatantly obvious and staring you in the face often slip under your radar, don't they? Think about the signs. He was upset after that detention in the trophy room because of something with Malfoy. Then, all of a sudden and out of nowhere, he tells us he used to be friends with him. He was going out at night for weeks, getting letters from that owl, and then he said he was seeing someone the moment they got into their fight. Malfoy cornered us after Potions and said he needed to talk to Ron. We both thought it was strange, remember? It was only yesterday. We knew it was a Slytherin; we knew it was a him."
"It really was obvious," said Dean. "How did you miss that, Harry?"
"Harry's a fuckwit," said Hermione, simply.
"The point is," said Harry, sharply, "I've apologized to Ron and I'm trying to be tolerant for the moment. I can't support it because I don't have faith in it, but that's Ron's decision to make. Right?"
"Right," agreed Ron, trying to look happier than he felt. "Thanks for the support."
"Just don't bring Malfoy back to have hot wild sex in our dorm," said Dean.
"Please," added Neville.
"I'm sorry, Ron, but I've been kicked out of the dorm when I have company. It's only fair that you are refused the right as well," said Seamus, nodding seriously, and this sudden change of attitude made Ron laugh his first genuine laugh since leaving Draco.
"This is going to stay just between us, right?"
"Of course," said Harry.
"It has to," added Neville.
"What were you doing with him the entire time you were gone?" asked Hermione.
"Talking. He was trying to cheer me up. Telling me that if Harry hated me, he wasn't worthy to be my friend in the first place. Convinced me, or more so forced me, to come back here and find out what Harry was really thinking so that I would stop beating myself up if it was nothing. And he was right. Draco usually is. Then there were our Christmas plans."
"Christmas," echoed Hermione. "The three of us are the only Gryffindors staying, aren't we?"
Ron and Harry nodded.
"I'm going home," said Neville. "Gran wants me with her over the holiday. Says she'll feel better knowing I'm under her roof."
"I don't have much of a choice. Parvati's parents want to meet me," said Seamus. "Parents. I don't know what they're thinking but I expect it won't be remotely the same after they meet me. I find that I form bad first impressions on parents. It would seem that I come across slutty."
"You are slutty," pointed out Dean. Seamus seemed to consider this before nodding.
"What are our Christmas plans?" said Hermione. "Now that you and Malfoy were discussing them, anyway."
"He's staying," said Ron. "His father wants him here and out of his way at the manor."
"Imagine growing up in that place," said Seamus.
"Draco's childhood wasn't as glamorous as you might think," said Ron.
"Can we expect his company on Christmas?" said Harry.
"You might want to start trying to be civil. I invited him over for Christmas morning. It didn't seem right to both be here at Christmas and not spend it with him but I want to spend it with you two as well."
"That's so adorable."
"Shut up, Seamus," said Neville. Seamus lifted his eyebrows and looked over to Neville with a mixture of surprise and appreciation.
"You will try to be nice to him on Christmas, won't you?" said Ron, looking nervous.
"I'll do my best," promised Harry, "and you know Hermione will, too. It will most certainly be a day to remember."
I have no excuse for taking so long to update other than I am lazy. Six more chapters to come, and then, The Prophecy of Absconditus. Am still looking for betas, mostly for plot than for punctuation and grammar. If you're interested, email me at AndromedanPrincess@hotmail.com