He had scars; thin pink lines, pockmarks, burn discoloring, gashes.
If taken separately each disfigurement might seem like a sign of childhood clumsiness or adolescent oafishness, but if a connection is made from each wound to the next a map tracing Nathan's maturity can be easily drawn.
She asked him about them as they lay in bed holding on to one another. He told her each story in its entirety. She was patient as he tried to recall details. Nathan wasn't a natural storyteller but she could tell he was making an effort to try and captivate her with the snapshots of memories he was sharing. His eyes would widen just a little as he came relived the painful infliction of the wound and the corner of his mouth would tense up, before his shoulders would sag and his lip would droop back to normal all the while as he told her his tale.
It was a little embarrassing to be talking so much about himself, but her eyes were fixed on him with such rapt attention that there was no reason for him to rush through. He wasn't going anywhere and neither was she, at least not until morning when the windy night air would no longer be rattling the blinds and Gracie would be awake from her sleep, in which Nathan found out first hand, she wheezes and gurgles ever so softly.
Haley traced a small red line that traveled about six inches across his shoulder and down diagonally across his upper back.
Nathan began to explain.
"So I was five right, and the ring bearer at my aunt's wedding."
He had only got a sentence out when Haley snorted. She hadn't meant to interrupt him so soon but she just couldn't help herself. "A wedding story, I should have guessed," she mused with a grin tugging at her lips. She stopped herself from full out laughing when she saw his bemused face and motioned for him to continue.
"Weddings are usually emotionally scarring, but for me I was physically branded for life by my cousin Leo. Leo was ten and Haley, let me tell you I looked up to that kid like he owned the universe. I followed him around and I did whatever he told me to, which usually got me in a ton of trouble. He was just so cool; he played basketball, soccer, baseball, you name it and he was great at it. He didn't ignore me like my older cousins did so just for that alone he got an accomplice for life in all the stunts he pulled. Leo wasn't in the wedding so he was sitting in a pew towards the back of the chapel. I was standing next to my mother waiting to walk down the aisle with our cousin Sherry who was a little older than me and was the flower girl. Well, Leo had come up with a plan to scare Sherry, and lets just say I was supposed to drop his pet mouse down her dress but I never got a chance to. She saw the mouse burrowing through the ring pillow, screamed and pushed me so violently into the wooden pew that I was almost knocked unconscious. I also fell directly onto a pew that had a nice sharp metal piece sticking out of the side that sliced right through my jacket and into my shoulder. They rushed me to the hospital and my aunt went ahead with the wedding, only to find out two years later my uncle had been sleeping with his dental hygienist the entire time."
Haley laughed despite herself and snuggled closer next to him.
"You know, this is nice," Haley whispered, "I don't think I've ever heard you talk this much, not even with Tim and Jake."
Nathan faltered for a moment but then replied.
"Yeah well, I don't usually have a lot to say, but I thought that was a good story."
Haley kissed his lips.
"It was a good story, it confirmed my suspicions that you were a total monster as a child," she joked.
Nathan kissed her back.
"Right, and I'm sure you were a saint; I bet Gracie is going to have some high standards of deviancy to live up to."
Haley shook her head, no.
"I was a pretty good kid until I hit high school. Luke and I got caught drinking beers in like seventh grade but that was only after Timmy double dared me. I chugged that first can too," she said proudly.
Nathan lifted himself up and propped himself on his arm. He looked down at her and said, "and how exactly was that not a sign of things to come?" he teased her.
Haley's smile faded.
"Some people don't watch for the clues, and then they are surprised when the shit hits the fan. I - I don't wait to be surprised; I just wait for it all to hit the fan no matter what direction the clues point me in. I just try and get my kicks in before it does."
Nathan lifted her left hand and kissed the inside of her wrist.
"That's incredibly cynical," he said.
"I like to think of it as practical," she responded.
When the phone rang then, nobody made a move to answer it. Nathan even partially covered her body with his to prevent her from getting up.
"Uh, it might be my mother and if I don't pick up she'll know something 'lewd' was going on in the house and I'll get reamed for it," Haley rambled fast as Nathan reluctantly rolled off her and she picked up the receiver.
"What?" she grunted into the phone.
Jake rolled his eyes on the other end. "Nice bedside manner," he said dryly. Before she could get a word in edgewise he continued, "Look, don't hang up. You know I wouldn't call if it weren't urgent, but this is and I need to see you first thing tomorrow. My parents came home Haley and we had a long talk about Gracie and you-know-what. So, will you meet me at my house around noon?"
Haley grimaced.
"If you are the shit that hits the fan I'm going to.never mind yea I'll be there. Goodnight," she said as she hung up the phone.
"Who was that?" Nathan asked as he nudged his nose into her neck.
Haley sighed.
"No one."
She ran her finger over a pockmark on his cheek.
"Now tell me about this one."
**
There was one thing Jake Anderson could say about his parents and that was that they were very blunt people. They say what they mean and they mean what they say. Jake inherited a little bit of that but he never enforced it the way they did.
His parents loved Gracie. They loved to spend time with her when they were home and buy her lots of presents when they were away, which was most of the time.
They had told him when he first told them about Gracie that if he wanted his daughter in his life he was to do exactly what they said without exception. He was to spend his sixteenth year living the way any normal teenager would (or try to since he still had the responsibility of taking care of Gracie and Haley). The hitch came when he turned seventeen.
His parents believed that it wasn't respectable for Gracie, when she became of impressionable age, to not live with both parents as a married unit. They were pressuring him each time he spoke to them to get a ring on Haley's finger. They knew it wouldn't take much coercing into getting Haley's parents to agree to their underage marriage, considering the family Haley would be marrying into it.
Haley herself though was always the obstacle to this plan.
"Jake honey," her mother had said earlier this evening, "you are going to be seventeen next week. We gave you time to get all your childish impulses out of the way so that you now you could commit to your family once and for all. Either you make her see that this is the right course of action, or you will relinquish all rights to Gracie. Do you understand?"
What else was he supposed to do, other than shake his head and call Haley and plead?
**
Haley got the feeling it was mostly Dan's fault for his and Deb's divorce but as she stood in front of Dan's large house, she realized he in no way get the short end of the stick.
It was the night of the Scott annual basketball sponsor party where the parents of the members of the basketball team get together and some show off their children and those who don't really feel so greatly about their children show off their cars or furs.
She strode into the party on Nathan's arm and all eyes were on them. She held her head and hoped that she could at least enjoy some of the party before Jake attempted to talk to her again. She met with him earlier that morning to talk and he brought up them getting married again. She told him countless times that she was not going to give in to his parents wishes, though something ate at her this time when she heard their ultimatum.
"Please Haley, if we don't get married I can never see Gracie again," he had said, eyes so full of tears that Haley had to turn her head away so she didn't start crying herself.
"I need to think about it," she had answered.
But she wasn't going to think about it tonight. Tonight was about her and Nathan and celebrating his achievement as the star Raven. She was a little worried about him. His knee was not healing the way it should have been, and he refused to acknowledge this problem, or at least he refused to actively do anything about it.
If you looked really closely at him you could see him limping slightly, but nobody other than Haley really was. Dan had greeted them at the door and then promptly disappeared for most of the night, only coming out of hibernation long enough to give a pompous speech about 'the great achievement of trying to live up to his standards.'
Haley found out the truth about Dan Scott later on, after her run in with Mrs. Anderson.
**
"Hello Haley," Mrs. Anderson greeted her, kissing her gently on each cheek.
"Hi Mrs. Anderson," Haley responded politely.
"You look wonderful dear," the older woman complemented her.
"Thank you," Haley answered, "I should really go call home and check on Gracie."
It had been a lame attempt to bail but she had hoped it might play on maternal sympathies and work, but she should have remembered whom she was talking to.
"Before you do that Haley, I must talk to you about something crucial."
That was very much like Jake's mother, using words like [I]must[/I] and [I]crucial[/I] to describe everything that really could wait and is not very important to anyone but her. She remembered one time at breakfast Mrs. Anderson asking her, "I must know Haley, it is crucial, do you like croissants or would you prefer other pastries?" Ridiculous woman.
"I spoke to Jake about it already," she tried to remain polite, "and I told him I have to think about it. You know how I feel about such things."
Mrs. Anderson did know and she just chose not to care all that much.
"You and Gracie will be well provided for. I am doing this for you, young lady. Jake will dilly-dally through his life if I don't put my foot down and force his hand. This is the best thing for you and my granddaughter, I know it is."
What she meant to say was, this would hopefully prevent Jake from knocking up another girl who they would have to pay child-support for, but as blunt as Mrs. Anderson was, she was [I]only[/I] blunt enough to imply such things not actually spell it out.
"I know you believe it is," was the only thing Haley could think of to reply. "I will be over the house in a few days to talk more about this with you."
She made a quick exit and ducked into one of the bedrooms. She really did need to call her mother and make sure Gracie was okay, but as she reached for the phone that was by the bedside she realized there were voices coming from the bathroom. She ducked into a nearby closet and listened.
"Dan, you need to stop this. We agreed it was a one time thing," Peyton exclaimed.
"I know but I can't," he was pleading.
"I said I wasn't going to come to the party unless you promised to leave me alone."
"Peyton, please."
She must have left and he must have followed because it was quiet a moment later and Haley peeked out of the closet. She was on her way downstairs to - well to tell [I]anyone[/I] what she just heard when all of a sudden Nathan was blocking her way down the stairs.
"Hey baby," she sauntered up to him but he accepted her greeting with a cold shoulder.
"I had a nice talk with Jake," he spat, "or well he talked and I tried not to punch his lights out."
Nathan grabbed her hand.
"He was blabbing on and on about how you two were getting married. I bet you could just imagine my shock, Haley," his voice was brutal. "So, where's the engagement ring?"
Haley ran her other hand over her face in frustration.
"It's not like that. I was going to talk to you about all of this tomorrow after the party Nathan."
Nathan dropped her hand.
"Don't bother," he barked.
"Hey!" she yelled, getting angry, "don't you do that with me. Jake's parents want us to get married, not me. I don't want to be with Jake, not now. Not now that I'm with you."
The last part of that was spoken so softly but Nathan still could hear it. He spoke up, just as quietly.
"In those dreams you have, the wedding ones. Who is usually the groom?" he asked.
"What does that matter?" Haley asked back.
"I want to know," he growled.
"It's usually Jake but." he didn't give her a chance to tell him that in her dreams the bride never married the groom.and the only time she did say 'I do' the groom had Nathan's face.
**
"Haley, have you seen Peyton?" Lucas asked Haley as she walked into the kitchen. "I don't know how I lost my date."
Haley, already fuming over her conversation with Nathan, clenched her jaw and thought really quickly whether or not to tell Lucas what she had seen earlier.
"If you find your father, I bet you'll find Peyton there too," Haley said after a moment.
Lucas swallowed hard.
"What did you just say?" he asked.
"You heard me Luke," she responded, suddenly sounding quite tired.
He was quiet, not sure what to say, but then the words just came stumbling out of his mouth.
"Did you.you see them? It's illegal, isn't that?"
Yes its illegal, she wanted to scream at him. Yes, people break laws. Yes, people break hearts. Yes, people break other people until there is no more body to break.
"Well, you hate him so at least now you have some ammunition to blackmail the jackass with," she said coldly.
Lucas sat down.
"You're not helping here Haley. I need." his voice trailed off, he was too upset and confused to voice his needs.
Haley stood in front of him.
"You need what I need - a good fuck to forget about it all. I need to forget about Nathan and you need to forget about Peyton. What do you say?"
Lucas's eyes shot up to meet hers.
"Nathan?" he questioned. "I thought that was just a rumor."
Haley cleared her throat.
"Um, it was," she said unconvincingly.
Lucas chuckled.
"This just gets even better. You fell in love with Nathan," he was on the verge of tears, but whether with laughter or sadness it wasn't clear.
Haley wondered about that. Had she fallen in love with him? Very possibly, she was on the verge of doing just that but what was going to happen now that Jake was on the verge of losing his daughter? Haley was a lot of things, but the one thing she always kept in the forefront of her mind was her daughter's welfare.
Deep down, she knew exactly what she had to do, and to do it she needed to wipe Nathan from her mind, and purge him from her body. She was spinning. She was out of control. How could she get back into control? She knew one way that always seemed to work...
Nathan was giving up on her. What did it matter what she did with her body now? Or at least, thats what she kept telling herself so that the tears didn't fall.
"C'mon blue eyes. I'll show you love," she coaxed Luke and guided him unsteadily up the stairs.
If taken separately each disfigurement might seem like a sign of childhood clumsiness or adolescent oafishness, but if a connection is made from each wound to the next a map tracing Nathan's maturity can be easily drawn.
She asked him about them as they lay in bed holding on to one another. He told her each story in its entirety. She was patient as he tried to recall details. Nathan wasn't a natural storyteller but she could tell he was making an effort to try and captivate her with the snapshots of memories he was sharing. His eyes would widen just a little as he came relived the painful infliction of the wound and the corner of his mouth would tense up, before his shoulders would sag and his lip would droop back to normal all the while as he told her his tale.
It was a little embarrassing to be talking so much about himself, but her eyes were fixed on him with such rapt attention that there was no reason for him to rush through. He wasn't going anywhere and neither was she, at least not until morning when the windy night air would no longer be rattling the blinds and Gracie would be awake from her sleep, in which Nathan found out first hand, she wheezes and gurgles ever so softly.
Haley traced a small red line that traveled about six inches across his shoulder and down diagonally across his upper back.
Nathan began to explain.
"So I was five right, and the ring bearer at my aunt's wedding."
He had only got a sentence out when Haley snorted. She hadn't meant to interrupt him so soon but she just couldn't help herself. "A wedding story, I should have guessed," she mused with a grin tugging at her lips. She stopped herself from full out laughing when she saw his bemused face and motioned for him to continue.
"Weddings are usually emotionally scarring, but for me I was physically branded for life by my cousin Leo. Leo was ten and Haley, let me tell you I looked up to that kid like he owned the universe. I followed him around and I did whatever he told me to, which usually got me in a ton of trouble. He was just so cool; he played basketball, soccer, baseball, you name it and he was great at it. He didn't ignore me like my older cousins did so just for that alone he got an accomplice for life in all the stunts he pulled. Leo wasn't in the wedding so he was sitting in a pew towards the back of the chapel. I was standing next to my mother waiting to walk down the aisle with our cousin Sherry who was a little older than me and was the flower girl. Well, Leo had come up with a plan to scare Sherry, and lets just say I was supposed to drop his pet mouse down her dress but I never got a chance to. She saw the mouse burrowing through the ring pillow, screamed and pushed me so violently into the wooden pew that I was almost knocked unconscious. I also fell directly onto a pew that had a nice sharp metal piece sticking out of the side that sliced right through my jacket and into my shoulder. They rushed me to the hospital and my aunt went ahead with the wedding, only to find out two years later my uncle had been sleeping with his dental hygienist the entire time."
Haley laughed despite herself and snuggled closer next to him.
"You know, this is nice," Haley whispered, "I don't think I've ever heard you talk this much, not even with Tim and Jake."
Nathan faltered for a moment but then replied.
"Yeah well, I don't usually have a lot to say, but I thought that was a good story."
Haley kissed his lips.
"It was a good story, it confirmed my suspicions that you were a total monster as a child," she joked.
Nathan kissed her back.
"Right, and I'm sure you were a saint; I bet Gracie is going to have some high standards of deviancy to live up to."
Haley shook her head, no.
"I was a pretty good kid until I hit high school. Luke and I got caught drinking beers in like seventh grade but that was only after Timmy double dared me. I chugged that first can too," she said proudly.
Nathan lifted himself up and propped himself on his arm. He looked down at her and said, "and how exactly was that not a sign of things to come?" he teased her.
Haley's smile faded.
"Some people don't watch for the clues, and then they are surprised when the shit hits the fan. I - I don't wait to be surprised; I just wait for it all to hit the fan no matter what direction the clues point me in. I just try and get my kicks in before it does."
Nathan lifted her left hand and kissed the inside of her wrist.
"That's incredibly cynical," he said.
"I like to think of it as practical," she responded.
When the phone rang then, nobody made a move to answer it. Nathan even partially covered her body with his to prevent her from getting up.
"Uh, it might be my mother and if I don't pick up she'll know something 'lewd' was going on in the house and I'll get reamed for it," Haley rambled fast as Nathan reluctantly rolled off her and she picked up the receiver.
"What?" she grunted into the phone.
Jake rolled his eyes on the other end. "Nice bedside manner," he said dryly. Before she could get a word in edgewise he continued, "Look, don't hang up. You know I wouldn't call if it weren't urgent, but this is and I need to see you first thing tomorrow. My parents came home Haley and we had a long talk about Gracie and you-know-what. So, will you meet me at my house around noon?"
Haley grimaced.
"If you are the shit that hits the fan I'm going to.never mind yea I'll be there. Goodnight," she said as she hung up the phone.
"Who was that?" Nathan asked as he nudged his nose into her neck.
Haley sighed.
"No one."
She ran her finger over a pockmark on his cheek.
"Now tell me about this one."
**
There was one thing Jake Anderson could say about his parents and that was that they were very blunt people. They say what they mean and they mean what they say. Jake inherited a little bit of that but he never enforced it the way they did.
His parents loved Gracie. They loved to spend time with her when they were home and buy her lots of presents when they were away, which was most of the time.
They had told him when he first told them about Gracie that if he wanted his daughter in his life he was to do exactly what they said without exception. He was to spend his sixteenth year living the way any normal teenager would (or try to since he still had the responsibility of taking care of Gracie and Haley). The hitch came when he turned seventeen.
His parents believed that it wasn't respectable for Gracie, when she became of impressionable age, to not live with both parents as a married unit. They were pressuring him each time he spoke to them to get a ring on Haley's finger. They knew it wouldn't take much coercing into getting Haley's parents to agree to their underage marriage, considering the family Haley would be marrying into it.
Haley herself though was always the obstacle to this plan.
"Jake honey," her mother had said earlier this evening, "you are going to be seventeen next week. We gave you time to get all your childish impulses out of the way so that you now you could commit to your family once and for all. Either you make her see that this is the right course of action, or you will relinquish all rights to Gracie. Do you understand?"
What else was he supposed to do, other than shake his head and call Haley and plead?
**
Haley got the feeling it was mostly Dan's fault for his and Deb's divorce but as she stood in front of Dan's large house, she realized he in no way get the short end of the stick.
It was the night of the Scott annual basketball sponsor party where the parents of the members of the basketball team get together and some show off their children and those who don't really feel so greatly about their children show off their cars or furs.
She strode into the party on Nathan's arm and all eyes were on them. She held her head and hoped that she could at least enjoy some of the party before Jake attempted to talk to her again. She met with him earlier that morning to talk and he brought up them getting married again. She told him countless times that she was not going to give in to his parents wishes, though something ate at her this time when she heard their ultimatum.
"Please Haley, if we don't get married I can never see Gracie again," he had said, eyes so full of tears that Haley had to turn her head away so she didn't start crying herself.
"I need to think about it," she had answered.
But she wasn't going to think about it tonight. Tonight was about her and Nathan and celebrating his achievement as the star Raven. She was a little worried about him. His knee was not healing the way it should have been, and he refused to acknowledge this problem, or at least he refused to actively do anything about it.
If you looked really closely at him you could see him limping slightly, but nobody other than Haley really was. Dan had greeted them at the door and then promptly disappeared for most of the night, only coming out of hibernation long enough to give a pompous speech about 'the great achievement of trying to live up to his standards.'
Haley found out the truth about Dan Scott later on, after her run in with Mrs. Anderson.
**
"Hello Haley," Mrs. Anderson greeted her, kissing her gently on each cheek.
"Hi Mrs. Anderson," Haley responded politely.
"You look wonderful dear," the older woman complemented her.
"Thank you," Haley answered, "I should really go call home and check on Gracie."
It had been a lame attempt to bail but she had hoped it might play on maternal sympathies and work, but she should have remembered whom she was talking to.
"Before you do that Haley, I must talk to you about something crucial."
That was very much like Jake's mother, using words like [I]must[/I] and [I]crucial[/I] to describe everything that really could wait and is not very important to anyone but her. She remembered one time at breakfast Mrs. Anderson asking her, "I must know Haley, it is crucial, do you like croissants or would you prefer other pastries?" Ridiculous woman.
"I spoke to Jake about it already," she tried to remain polite, "and I told him I have to think about it. You know how I feel about such things."
Mrs. Anderson did know and she just chose not to care all that much.
"You and Gracie will be well provided for. I am doing this for you, young lady. Jake will dilly-dally through his life if I don't put my foot down and force his hand. This is the best thing for you and my granddaughter, I know it is."
What she meant to say was, this would hopefully prevent Jake from knocking up another girl who they would have to pay child-support for, but as blunt as Mrs. Anderson was, she was [I]only[/I] blunt enough to imply such things not actually spell it out.
"I know you believe it is," was the only thing Haley could think of to reply. "I will be over the house in a few days to talk more about this with you."
She made a quick exit and ducked into one of the bedrooms. She really did need to call her mother and make sure Gracie was okay, but as she reached for the phone that was by the bedside she realized there were voices coming from the bathroom. She ducked into a nearby closet and listened.
"Dan, you need to stop this. We agreed it was a one time thing," Peyton exclaimed.
"I know but I can't," he was pleading.
"I said I wasn't going to come to the party unless you promised to leave me alone."
"Peyton, please."
She must have left and he must have followed because it was quiet a moment later and Haley peeked out of the closet. She was on her way downstairs to - well to tell [I]anyone[/I] what she just heard when all of a sudden Nathan was blocking her way down the stairs.
"Hey baby," she sauntered up to him but he accepted her greeting with a cold shoulder.
"I had a nice talk with Jake," he spat, "or well he talked and I tried not to punch his lights out."
Nathan grabbed her hand.
"He was blabbing on and on about how you two were getting married. I bet you could just imagine my shock, Haley," his voice was brutal. "So, where's the engagement ring?"
Haley ran her other hand over her face in frustration.
"It's not like that. I was going to talk to you about all of this tomorrow after the party Nathan."
Nathan dropped her hand.
"Don't bother," he barked.
"Hey!" she yelled, getting angry, "don't you do that with me. Jake's parents want us to get married, not me. I don't want to be with Jake, not now. Not now that I'm with you."
The last part of that was spoken so softly but Nathan still could hear it. He spoke up, just as quietly.
"In those dreams you have, the wedding ones. Who is usually the groom?" he asked.
"What does that matter?" Haley asked back.
"I want to know," he growled.
"It's usually Jake but." he didn't give her a chance to tell him that in her dreams the bride never married the groom.and the only time she did say 'I do' the groom had Nathan's face.
**
"Haley, have you seen Peyton?" Lucas asked Haley as she walked into the kitchen. "I don't know how I lost my date."
Haley, already fuming over her conversation with Nathan, clenched her jaw and thought really quickly whether or not to tell Lucas what she had seen earlier.
"If you find your father, I bet you'll find Peyton there too," Haley said after a moment.
Lucas swallowed hard.
"What did you just say?" he asked.
"You heard me Luke," she responded, suddenly sounding quite tired.
He was quiet, not sure what to say, but then the words just came stumbling out of his mouth.
"Did you.you see them? It's illegal, isn't that?"
Yes its illegal, she wanted to scream at him. Yes, people break laws. Yes, people break hearts. Yes, people break other people until there is no more body to break.
"Well, you hate him so at least now you have some ammunition to blackmail the jackass with," she said coldly.
Lucas sat down.
"You're not helping here Haley. I need." his voice trailed off, he was too upset and confused to voice his needs.
Haley stood in front of him.
"You need what I need - a good fuck to forget about it all. I need to forget about Nathan and you need to forget about Peyton. What do you say?"
Lucas's eyes shot up to meet hers.
"Nathan?" he questioned. "I thought that was just a rumor."
Haley cleared her throat.
"Um, it was," she said unconvincingly.
Lucas chuckled.
"This just gets even better. You fell in love with Nathan," he was on the verge of tears, but whether with laughter or sadness it wasn't clear.
Haley wondered about that. Had she fallen in love with him? Very possibly, she was on the verge of doing just that but what was going to happen now that Jake was on the verge of losing his daughter? Haley was a lot of things, but the one thing she always kept in the forefront of her mind was her daughter's welfare.
Deep down, she knew exactly what she had to do, and to do it she needed to wipe Nathan from her mind, and purge him from her body. She was spinning. She was out of control. How could she get back into control? She knew one way that always seemed to work...
Nathan was giving up on her. What did it matter what she did with her body now? Or at least, thats what she kept telling herself so that the tears didn't fall.
"C'mon blue eyes. I'll show you love," she coaxed Luke and guided him unsteadily up the stairs.