Guilty Gear Specials
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I do not own the Guilty Gear series, nor do I own the Simpsons, or their Halloween episodes.
I wave the right for you to sue me.
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(Here's episode two: A film noir. A lone anchor girl walks up to Venom, the long-haried expeditionist and Eddie the assistant.)
May: Hi. My name is May. I'm here about the ad you placed: "Young Girl aged 13-18 needed; can't get sea-sick; must like beasts; Non-smoker preferred." Was that the right ad?
Venom: Yes, it is.
May: How come you didn't want a non-smoker?
Venom: We don't want our hunted—I mean, subject, to get sick.
Eddie (demon Eddie, not Zato-Eddie): Besides, it'll liven up the crew here!
(Turns to see Potemkin and Ky arguing)
Potemkin: My brand of justice is better!
Ky: No, my brand of justice is better!
Potemkin: MINE!!
Ky: MINE!!
(Turn scene to a scene on a boat sailing, with three deckhands on a crow's nest.)
Chipp: Holy Zen! We're heading to Johnny Island!
Anji: Yeah, to capture the elusive beast, Johnny! (disappointed) Though, I wish we we're going to Heaven-sent Island!
Testament: Heaven-sent Island? (excited) What do they have there?
Chipp: Beasts. But they're not so demonic!
(Mysterious noises chanting the name Johnny become quite hearable to the ship.)
Slayer (the boat captain): Who is this 'Johnny' they speak of?
Venom: He's either a very demonic beast, or a tourist attraction meant to elude the commoner and steal their wallets.
Eddie (has money out, thinking it really was a tourist attraction): Um, yes, I knew that too!
(The boat hits the island, where the intrepid [?] explorers see a bunch of women, mutter and chant the name 'Johnny' as they circle around a fire)
Venom: Now, (quietly) let's try not to make a sound…
Eddie: I'll see what's happening… (Sprouts a Mini-Eddie) Go see what they're doing.
(The Mini-Eddie skulks quietly in the grass; gets eaten by a bear)
Eddie: Son of a—
Venom: Shut up.
(One of the natives sees a giant anchor from the grass; Good one, May.)
April (the native that saw her; speaking in Native tongue): MAHINATOKONOI! SHINBUSA DENAIYO!! (Translation: We will take that! She will please Johnny well!)
May (to Venom): What did they say?
Venom: Um, (sweat drop) Uh, they said they wouldn't dream of sacrificing the anchor-carrying girl!
May (oblivious): Well, that's so nice—AAHH!! (gets nabbed)
(Much later, May is tied up in almost a strange, yet twisted bondage type get-up, struggling and screaming to be released. On the other side of the island, we see a giant Justice taking on a giant beast with a sharpened stick and straw hat [Oh Johnny, what have you done to yourself?])
Justice: DIE!!
Johnny (incapable of speech; though if he were speaking, he'd say right now "Kiss my ass, you metallic bastard!): AAGH UGH AGH!!
(Justice dies; Johnny hears a gong; He walks over and stubs his toe on a boulder)
Johnny (loud): AAAUUUGGGHHH!!!
(Back to May, still struggling, and Venom and the others are waiting for the right opportunity to strike; on cue, the Johnny beast looks down at May, smiles, and picks her up, which makes May scream even more so)
Chipp (bored): Holy Zen! How long is this going to take?
Anji: Keep it down.
May (struggling in the beast's hand): Let go of me!
(On command, Johnny puts May down, plucks a garden of flowers somewhere around him, and gives it to May.)
May (blushes; covered in flowers): Why, thank you!
Venom: NOW WE DON'T WANT TO KILL HIM!! Shoot him in the groin area! GROIN! I cannot specify myself any further than that!
(Anji and Chipp fire one cannonball at Johnny, then another, then grab Testament for some unknown reason and fires him at Johnny)
Testament: AAAAHHHH—(gets eaten; pops out of Johnny's mouth) Hey Johnny, cut it out! Otherwise, I'll poison you from the inside-out! Do you want that?
(Johnny makes a sign language, stating "I'll take that chance.")
Testament: Oh. At least let me say goodbye to my—(turns around to see Anji teaching Chipp some Japanese)
Anji: Maho means magic. Maho Shojo means…
Chipp: Magical Girl!
Anji: Correct!
Testament: Now you can eat me--YAH—(gets eaten)
Venom: Have at thee!! (Fires a Dark Angel at him) DARK ANGEL!!
(Johnny swats the Dark Angel back at Venom and knocks him out)
Eddie: INVITE HELL!!
(Giant drills of darkness poke at Johnny, making him collapse…)
Venom (coming back to his senses): Great job, Eddie! When we get back, I'll find you another host!
(Johnny, though still unconscious, eats Eddie)
Eddie (his loud dying quote as he falls to Johnny's stomach, being digested): ORE WA SUROO SUTAATAA NAN DA YO!!! (digested; Johnny sighs happily)
Venom (quite happy that Eddie died): Oh well.
(Now, in a theater, the marvelous beast will be shown in front of a marvelous crowd. But first things first…)
Zappa (was on stage, performing something else before Johnny goes on): THANK YOU! YOU'RE ALL WONDERFUL!! I'M ONLY HERE THURSDAYS!! (walks off)
Faust (a diligent reporter towards Venom): Now, what do you have for us tonight?
Venom: Well, the beast is basically going to stand up there for an hour or so… and then we'll end with the comedy stylings of Chipp Zanuff and Anji Mito-san. It would have been Chipp Zanuff, Anji Mito, and Testament, but unfortunately, when Johnny relieves himself… well, you know the rest…
Faust: Sensational!
(now on stage)
Venom: Where he came from, he was king! Now I bring him to you in chains! I present to you: Johnny, the tenth wonder of the world!!
(curtains reveal a chained Johnny beast on a really large platform…)
Axl (a guy in the audience): WOW! Look at the size of those chains! Talk about animal cruelty!!
(people all of a sudden start taking pictures of Johnny, flash photography style and all; Johnny is starting to get enraged, grunting and ook-ook-ooking loudly)
May (concerned): I think you're hurting him.
Faust: Don't worry! What's he going to do? Run amok in downtown Hollywood?
(You guessed it: Johnny rips the chains off of his body, and almost all the people start running)
Faust (knowing he's going to die?): YAMIIIIIIIIIII!!! (gets stepped on)
Johnny: UGH! RUGH!!!
Axl: Hey Johnny! (being kind) Want a peanut?
(Johnny takes Axl and eats him; spits Axl out because he didn't like the way Axl tasted like homely donkey)
Axl: HEY! MY ****ING PEANUTS! I ONLY SAID ONE!!! (starts kicking Johnny's shin; Johnny is not affected)
(The beast now walks straight through three walls, and sees an I-No concert; he likes the music at first, but then)
I-No (just finished playing a song; horny-sounding): THANK YOU!! (gets grabbed by Johnny and eaten)
(Meanwhile, in a hotel room)
Venom (sitting, hands on his chin): Maybe it was wrong for me to take that beast and stage him for a profit… Maybe I shouldn't have taken him from his natural habitat…
May: Maybe it was… (looks out the window to see Johnny looking at them) Hi Johnny!
(Johnny grabs May, whereas she starts screaming again)
Venom (not noticing May is gone): Maybe… he's not used to these colder temperatures… (looks back, sees that May is gone) Son of a—
(Johnny is now climbing up a large building, which is a cliché to all the King Kong movies, or maybe just the original… Anyway, Johnny knows that he's climbing really high, and is going all the way… two planes come down, then leave quickly)
Robo Ky #1: He's sure taking his sweet-ass time!
Robo Ky #2: Better refuel ourselves!
(Johnny has climbed to the top of the building, and is sweating almost heavily…)
May: Um, Johnny, you looked a little flushed. Maybe you should stick to a vegetable/grain diet instead of a meat/flesh diet!
Johnny: (nods; clutches his heart in pain) URGH!!!
(While still clutching May in his grasps, he falls to the ground from 200 miles, or meters as people should call it now; he makes a large crack in the asphalt; a crowd gathers)
May: HE'S NOT DEAD!!!
Venom: No, but his career is. It was like that time when 'That Man' went crazy on his tour of France and climbed the Arc de Triomphe. He wasn't allowed in public again…
May (hugging Johnny's face): Don't worry, Johnny… I'll take care of you.
(Johnny's eyes bolt open, and he starts running, screaming in terror as he runs towards the ocean in an attempt to escape and to return to his home)
May (heart-broken): JOHNNY!! COME BACK!!
Venom: Oh May. You lose more men that way.
(Everyone laughs, then May looks at the hair-concealed face of Venom…)
(Much later; the front article states that May marries Venom by force; oh, and somewhere around there states that Hitler-2 and Zato-2 has conquered Iraq, and then lost it two hours after they conquered it. Goody.)
(More will come. As usual, maybe not today, and maybe not tomorrow, but someday…)