Guilty Gear Specials

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I do not own the Guilty Gear series, nor do I own the Simpsons, or their Halloween episodes.

I waive the right for you to sue me. Better?

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(Here's episode three: a very happy Zappa is walking towards his house in jolly Australia, when he sees a little 8-year old boy running towards him)

Little Boy: Hey Zappa!! (hugs him)

Zappa: Why… Jimmy McDungery! How have you been? Have you been treating your mama with respect?

Jimmy: Yep! So where were you?

Zappa: Well Jimmy, I was infected by a mental parasite named S-ko, and this nice doctor named Faust helped me out! Although he didn't get rid of S-ko, he gave me something that is capable of letting me control myself whenever I summon demons and spirits alike.

(Raoh emerges from Zappa)

Raoh: THAT IS TRUE!!

Jimmy: Did you forget it was my birthday today?

Zappa: What!? (actually forgot, but seems to be trying to cover it up) Why, of course I didn't forget! Just wait right here, and I'll be right back with your gift!!

Raoh: WHAT COULD I GIVE TO LITTLE HUMAN CHILD? (gets an idea, gives him his astral cape) LIKE IT?

Jimmy: Wow! Thanks, Mr. Scary Demon!

Raoh: NO PROB! (looks around) WHERE DID ZAPPA GO?

(In downtown, Zappa is looking for an available store to buy little Jimmy McDungery a gift; suddenly, he sees this one small store shrouded in black… Zappa cautiously enters)

Zappa (nervous): Hello?

Raspy Voice: In the back…

Zappa: Okay…

(Zappa keeps walking until he sees this old, wrinkly man, frightening in appearance.)

Zappa: YYYAAAHHH!!!

Kliff: Don't be frightened.

Zappa: Um, do you sell dolls?

Kliff: I only sell mystical artifacts, and any evil scrolls of doom… I also sell frozen yogurt, which I call "Frogurt"!

Zappa: So do you have any toys/dolls?

Kliff: Yes. (throws him a gift-wrapped box) Inside this box is a toy that might amuse the young recipient. Is the child a girl?

Zappa (dreading it might be a Barbie 2180 doll): NO!

Kliff: Well then, may I have that back? (Zappa gives back the doll and receives a new box) This will amuse the young recipient.

Zappa (satisfied): I'LL TAKE IT!

Kliff (evil-sounding): But be warned… The doll is cursed!

Zappa (sad): Oh man! I'm already cursed with a mental parasite!

Kliff (happy): But it comes with a free Frogurt!

Zappa: Now that makes it all worthwhile!

Kliff (evil-sounding): The Frogurt is also cursed!

Zappa (sad once more): Now that sucks.

Kliff: But it comes with your choice of toppings!

Zappa (happy): Now that is also good!

Kliff: The toppings are made of 1,2-Dibromocyclomethane! (nothing happens for a few seconds) Um, that's bad.

Zappa: Um, can I go now? (leaves)

(Scene to Jimmy's birthday party, where all the kids are seeing Raoh trying to hit a Piñata with his mighty hammer)

Raoh: WHERE ARE YOU, DAMNED HORSE!?

Zappa (eating a Frogurt): Hey Jimmy!

Jimmy: Zappa! (runs up to him) What's in the box?

Zappa: It's your present! (thinking) I hope it's good.

(Jimmy opens the box to see a limited edition Faust doll in its original packaging, and comes with a plastic scalpel and a real scalpel for medical emergencies.)

Jimmy: WOW! A FAUST DOLL! THANKS, ZAPPA!! (opens the box, and pulls on a string)

Faust Doll: My name is Dr. Faust, and I think you're my best patient!

Zappa: Wow… even when Dr. Faust is not visibly here, he is here. Mind if I sit on the couch until we eat cake? I did just come from Zepp, and believe me; it's hard to get down from there!

Jimmy: Go right ahead.

Raoh: CAKE!! (realizes) WAIT! I CAN'T EAT! I'M A SPIRIT!!

(Zappa sits on the couch in the den; he looks away; all of a sudden, the Faust doll is sitting right next to him)

Zappa: How the? (decides to pull the string on the doll)

Faust Doll: My name is Dr. Faust, and you are an evil I must cleanse from the Earth.

Zappa: Heh heh… catchy lines.

Faust Doll: My name is Dr. Faust, and I'm going to operate on you while you are still conscious!

Zappa: Heh heh… I didn't even pull the string that time.

Faust Doll (head turns to face Zappa): I meant that! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU! YOU! MR. ZAPPA!!

Zappa (annoyed): Oh go to hell. (throws him aside)

(Now, the Faust doll pulls out the real scalpel and is starting to run towards Zappa)

Zappa (scared): YYYAAAHHH!!!

Jimmy (walking in): What's going on, Zappa?

Zappa: The-The Faust doll! THAT FAUST DOLL OF YOURS TRIED TO KILL ME!!

(they both stare at the lifeless Faust doll…)

Jimmy: Maybe you're still delusional from the spirits… Why don't you take a shower? Here puppy!

Ghost Dog: Woof.

(Jimmy plays with Zappa's ghost dog as they leave the room)

Zappa (scared): Don't leave me!

(The Faust doll is now walking slowly, laughing evilly towards Zappa… he stops laughing, and kindly points to Zappa to pull on the string; Zappa kindly obliges, which resumes the evil laughter…)

(A little later, we see Zappa in the shower, taking little Jimmy McDungery's advice.)

Zappa (horrible singing): I'M SUCH A LONELY GUY!

I NEED A LOVE BRIDGE!

THE THREE GHOSTS ARE HASSLING THE NEIGHBORS!

AND RAOH IS TAUNTING THE FRIDGE!!

(along came the Faust doll, with his scalpel attached to some scissors)

Faust Doll: Time to beach a whale!! (throws the scalpel)

(Zappa misses the shot, starts to scream, and bolts out of the bathroom naked, running past Jimmy's mother and 11-year old sister; both are speechless)

(In a doll-house, we see the Faust doll talking to a girl doll in a toy bed; Zappa happened to see this doll as he walked past Jimmy's older sister's room; he and the ghost dog start to sneak up behind it)

Faust Doll (acting like a doctor in a soap opera; looking at a toy clipboard): Well, my dear, if the operation goes successfully, then you will be living a long and healthy life! But, these operations only have a slim chance of success. You are aware of the risks involved? Then let us begin the procedure! (using the scalpel, he cuts open the doll, playing an operation)

(Zappa grabs the enchanted doll and throws it into a bag of the ghost dog's… well… you know)

Faust Doll: You think your dog's manure can stop me!? WELL… (getting nauseous) These fumes are making me a little dizzy… Oy… (falls unconscious with a squish sound to follow)

Zappa (pets the dog): Good boy. Now, I'll be back, and if Raoh does something weird, bite him a few times!

Ghost Dog: Woof.

(Zappa starts hauling the bag towards Crikey Canyon [let's just say it's a 4,000 km drop] and upon arrival, he throws the bag down the canyon.]

Zappa (relieved): Goodbye, dolly! (slips, and almost falls to his death if the bloody sword didn't catch him by the handle) Thanks!

Bloody Sword: IT'S OKAY!

(The sword pulls Zappa up and he walks away satisfied; meanwhile, Anji, Baiken, and Chipp start hauling a large box towards the canyon)

Chipp (saddened): Do I have to do this?

Baiken: It's the only way you'll ever truly quit.

Anji: It's true.

Chipp: Alright… (in a grieving tone) GOODBYE, DRUGS!

(They push the crate down, the two of them taking a crying Chipp back to the Colony; meanwhile, Potemkin is holding a giant box)

Potemkin: What was I thinking? No one would pay good money to see nude pictures of me. (throws the box down feeling satisfied; before he could walk away, the box jumps back into his arms) What the!?

(Now, back to Zappa, who is walking back to Jimmy's house for some cake; until)

Faust Doll: NOW! (jumps up into the air, getting Zappa's attention)

Zappa: NOOOO!!!

Faust Doll: METEOR DESTROYS FIELD MOUSE!!!

(The Faust doll leaps onto Zappa's face, and all the Australian could do is just scream and run blindly)

Jimmy: What's happening? (looks outside) OH MY GOD!!

Zappa: JIMMY! THE DOLL'S TRYING TO KILL ME, AND YOUR TOASTER'S LAUGHING AT ME!!!

(Jimmy runs off trying to find someone to save Zappa, when lo and behold, the real Faust happened to walk by)

Jimmy: Dr. Faust! Dr. Faust!

Faust: What is it, little Jimmy?

Jimmy: Mr. Zappa is getting attacked by a Faust Doll!

Faust: WHAT!? (confused) I thought they stopped making those… How bad is it killing him?

(The doll is trying to rip Zappa's tongue out)

Faust: Hm… (picks up the Faust doll) This is your problem. This doll is switched to 'evil' mode. It ought to be on the 'good' setting.

Zappa: Thank you very much, Dr. Faust! My tongue is sore!

(Faust presses the switch, which turns the doll good)

Faust Doll: I love you, Zappa.

Zappa: C'mere you! (hugs the doll) Aw…

Jimmy: (looks up) Oh no! Zappa! Raoh turned the house into a puppet!

Zappa and Faust: WHAT!?

(As was said, Raoh has made some alterations to the house [and the ghost dog is knocked out because of Raoh] so that whenever he speaks, the roof of the house flaps up and down)

Raoh (mighty, demanding voice): UNRULY MORTALS! I AM RAOH! IF YOU TORMENT THIS LITTLE BOY ANY LONGER, I WILL BELLOWS MALICE YOUR ASSES! ALL OF YOU!! NOW, FEED ME A TOOL SHED!!!

Zappa: Oh Raoh… You mess everything up.

(everyone starts laughing; Faust wouldn't be Faust if he didn't do his thing, so he sticks a scalpel up Zappa's ass for what seems like no apparent reason)

Zappa (having all the right to scream in bloody pain): YYAAAAAAAAHH!!! (falls unconscious)

Faust: I was just making sure he wasn't crazy anymore!

(everyone resumes laughing, even Raoh is laughing, who is making the house laugh as well)

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As usual, maybe not today, but maybe not tomorrow, but someday, there will be a new chapter!

And good luck with your plans, Kaiser Ryouga II!