Never Insult a Guy's Dead Non-Existent Girlfriend
"Don't you just love a morning run?" Todd asked as he plopped down on the grass.
"With at least forty pounds strapped to your arms and legs, not particularly," Lance grumbled.
"Yeah some of us don't have enhanced strength like you and Blob," Wanda said.
"I like it," Fred told them. "I have heavier weights but it makes me feel strong."
"Well good for you," Pietro groaned.
"Look at the bright side," Lance pointed as Arcade finally made his way towards them. "At least we ain't newbies like Arcade here."
"Is it always this bad?" Arcade moaned as he collapsed. He lay flat on his back. "I'm gonna die…"
"Don't worry you'll get used to it," Todd waved.
"Get used to being dead? I can do that," Arcade moaned.
"Aw don't cry so much ya little weenie," Pietro said.
"Look who's talking," Fred said. "You still complain that your arms are gonna grow down past your legs."
"Well they could!" Pietro told him.
"Please tell me this is some kind of mutant stamina thing so I don't feel so bad about being a complete weakling…" Arcade moaned.
"Well maybe in Blob and Toad's case," Lance sighed. "But most of us don't have super strength. We've just been training longer than you."
"Yes while you've been spending way too much time with your computers we have been conditioning our bodies," Pietro snickered.
"What do you mean by that?" Arcade was immediately defensive.
"He doesn't mean anything," Todd remarked. "That's Quicksilver, saying stupid things that mean absolutely nothing!" He glared at Pietro.
"I'm just saying that now that Cerebro is all blown up he can concentrate on other things," Pietro said. "Although how you can be attracted to a pile of circuits and wires is beyond me."
"Watch it…"Arcade got a dangerous glint in his eye.
"Why don't you keep your mouth shut Pietro?" Fred snapped. "I know it's a new experience for you but try it will ya?"
"What? I'm not saying anything! It's not my fault the guy is a little weirdo!" Pietro turned on him. "All I'm saying is that he's making up problems in his head. Moping over a so called girlfriend that never even existed!"
"You stop that right now!" Arcade warned.
"Or what?" Pietro scoffed, not paying attention to Arcade advancing on him. "You'll go write nasty letters on your word processor? Please! I mean I thought Xavier was a dork for hogging that dumb machine but at least he never got off on it!"
"TAKE IT BACK!" Arcade shouted as he pounced on Pietro, slapping him fiercely.
"Wow for a wimpy little dude he sure has a good back hand!" Fred remarked.
"Ten bucks on Arcade!" Todd called out.
"You're on!" Lance shouted.
"GET OFF ME YOU FOUR EYED FREAK!" Pietro shouted as he pulled away from Arcade.
"Oh yeah that coming from a mutant really hurts!" Arcade said sarcastically.
"I'm gonna hurt you in two seconds you little dweeb!" Pietro snarled.
"Bring it on!" Arcade shouted. "I took out the X-Men! I can take you out!"
"Hey knock it off!" Fred shouted. "Pietro you ain't supposed to hit a guy with glasses! Okay Cyclops but that's a different story…"
"Well then I'll take them off!" Pietro grabbed Arcade's glasses.
"Give them back!" Arcade began to randomly swing his fists around.
"Oh what's the matter?" Pietro laughed as he danced around Arcade. "Having trouble seeing?"
"Quicksilver give 'em back you jerk!" Althea shouted.
"Give me back my glasses!" Arcade stumbled around.
"See if you can find me first," Pietro laughed. Then he fell. "Hey!"
"Oops," Todd rolled his eyes. "Did I trip you Pietro? My mistake." He grabbed the glasses with his tongue and whipped them back to Arcade. Then he 'accidentally' tripped Pietro as he tried to get up again. "Sorry! I did it again did I? HE'S OVER HERE ARCADE!"
Arcade put on the goopy glasses and pounced on Pietro. "NOW YOU ARE GONNA DIE!" They rolled around on the ground while the Misfits watched the fight.
"Now they're biting each other!" Wanda gasped.
"Man this is as good as a chick fight," Fred said.
"HE SCRATCHED MY EAR! HE SCRATCHED MY EAR!" Pietro howled. "OW! MY EYE!"
"Serves you right!" Arcade snapped. "OW! MY ARM!"
"OW! NOT THE HAIR! NOT THE HAIR!" Pietro shouted as Arcade pulled on it.
"OKAY WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?" Low Light shouted as he, Spirit and Roadblock charged in. "BREAK IT UP! BREAK IT UP!" The adults started to pull the teens apart.
"LET ME AT HIM!" Arcade struggled against Roadblock. "LET ME AT HIM!"
"What happened here?" Spirit roared.
"Arcade just beat up Pietro!" Todd told them.
"He did not beat me up!" Pietro snapped. "He just surprised me that's all."
"You started it!" Arcade shouted. "You called Cerebro names!"
"Cerebro?" Roadblock looked at him. "Oh…right. Cerebro."
"You take back what you said about my dead girlfriend!" Arcade shouted at Pietro.
"Girlfriend?" Low Light blinked. "Did he just call Cerebro his girlfriend?"
"Actually he called him his dead girlfriend," Fred told him.
"Listen to this guy! He's nuts!" Pietro shouted.
"I know you are what am I?" Arcade taunted.
"See he's not making any sense!" Pietro snapped.
"Well neither do you half the time," Todd remarked.
"You wanna die too Wart Boy?" Pietro lunged at him but was held back by Low Light.
"All right both of you, inside, NOW!" Roadblock shouted. He and Low Light took them off to the house.
"So what happened?" Spirit asked the others.
"It was Pietro's fault!" Wanda spoke up first.
"Yeah he had it coming!" Todd joined in.
"Oh he's gonna get it I hope!" Lance said.
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After the others had finished training they went back to the house. "So?" Lance asked Trinity. "What happened?"
"Roadblock really yelled at 'em," Daria said.
"But mostly Pietro," Quinn said.
"They both have morning kitchen duty for a full week," Brittany said. "And they have to clean all the bathrooms here at home too. Every day."
"Well that's not fair," Wanda frowned.
"There's more," Quinn grinned.
"Pietro also has to do extra training with the Blind Master for a week," Brittany said.
"And watch us as well," Daria smiled.
"Yikes," Todd cringed.
"Well it serves him right," Althea huffed. "Wanda come on. I think the two of us need to have a little talk with your brother."
"I'm coming too," Lance followed them. "I can't wait to see him weasel out of this one."
Wanda didn't even bother to knock before she slammed open the door. "Come in," Pietro said sarcastically. He was at the mirror looking at his black eye.
"Pietro we need to talk," Althea said. "Now!" She closed the door behind her. "What the hell was that all about today?"
"Hey I didn't do anything," Pietro folded his arms. "He's the one who over reacted!"
"After what you said? Were you purposely goading him into a fight or are you just stupid?" Lance asked.
"How could you even think of insulting Cerebro like that!" Althea asked. "You know how much she meant to him."
"AM I THE ONLY SANE PERSON AROUND HERE? CEREBRO WAS ONLY A COMPUTER!" Pietro snapped.
"I know that and you know that," Althea said. "But Arcade believes that she was real. So from now on Cerebro was a real person, got it?"
"Yeah, yeah I got it," Pietro grumbled. He looked at his black eye. "Loud and clear."
"And I want you to apologize to him!" Wanda said.
"Apologize?" Pietro snapped. He backed down when he saw the stares both Althea and Wanda gave him. "Okay, okay I'll do it. All right?"
"Fine," Althea nodded. "And I don't need you giving him a hard time. Anybody who can take over Cerebro like he did has got to be a good asset to the team. Be nice to him!"
"Fine I'll be nice to the crazy little goon," Pietro grumbled.
"Look who's talking," Wanda pointed. "You're not exactly the model of sanity yourself!"
"Hey I got issues!" Pietro snapped.
"Duh," Althea said.
"So does Arcade," Wanda said. "His own parents disowned him and he's not even a mutant! How do you think that makes him feel?"
"Well he can certainly handle himself," Pietro folded his arms. "Even without powers that guy ain't exactly helpless! He was just lucky I was holding back, that's all."
"He also has feelings!" Althea snapped. "Would it really hurt you to mind them?"
"And if you don't mind them we'll hurt you," Lance growled. "Got it?"
"What the hell do you care about the little nutcase?" Pietro asked. Wanda swatted him. "OW!"
"I care about my team mates," Lance snapped. "And it's a damn good thing I do or else your head would be flying through the wall right now!"
"I didn't mean it," Pietro backed down. "I was just fooling around."
"Well don't!" Althea snapped. The three of them left the room. "Okay now we gotta talk to Arcade. I gotta say that I have to congratulate him on his right hook. For a human kid who's never fought before, he did pretty well."
"Hey anybody who takes down Pietro like that has to have some good qualities," Wanda snickered.
"I'll go talk to the kid," Lance sighed. He went to Arcade's room. He knocked on the door. "Hey! Arcade! Got a minute? Arcade?" He opened the door slightly.
Arcade was curled up in a corner of his room sobbing. "Go away!" He shouted.
"Come on kid," Lance sighed. "Talk to me. What have you got to be upset about? You won the fight."
"HE DID NOT!" They heard Pietro from the next room. "OW! WANDA LET GO OF MY EAR! OW! OW!" The noise went further down the hall.
"Come on," Lance said. "Tell me what's bugging you."
"You're not mad at me for jumping on Quicksilver like that?" Arcade sniffed. "You don't hate me for attacking another mutant?"
"Nah he had it coming," Lance sat down next to him. "Besides he shouldn't have mouthed off to you like that about…uh…Cerebro. You know."
"You think I'm crazy," Arcade sighed.
"Kid I occasionally have conversations with an imaginary coyote," Lance told him. "I'm not really the one to judge."
"Really?" Arcade blinked.
"Remember Magneto? My ex-boss?" Lance asked. "He doped me up with some stuff to enhance my mutation. It also gave me seizures and makes me go bonkers from time to time. And one of my visions involves a coyote that sounds exactly like Mr. Sensitive." He indicated Pietro with his thumb. "Believe me, I know where you're coming from."
"Oh…" Arcade looked at him.
"And let's face it, Pietro's a few quarters short of a dollar himself," Lance groaned.
"I just got so mad when he said those things…" Arcade said.
"Yeah well the important thing is that you stuck up for yourself," Lance told him. "Don't let him push you around. Got it?"
"I know, it's just…It's just…"
"Just what kid? Come on, you can tell me."
"I miss Cerebro! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!" Arcade sobbed heavily and clung to Lance for support.
"Man and I thought I had relationship problems," Lance sighed.
Next up Pietro and Arcade learn to deal as they are sent off to punishment. Will they discover common ground or will Arcade beat up Pietro again?
Pietro: HE DID NOT BEAT ME UP! HE GOT LUCKY! BESIDES YOU'RE THE MANIAC WRITING THIS STUPID THING! WHY ARE YOU TORTURING ME LIKE THIS? ARE YOU STILL MIFFED OVER SEASON 3? IS THAT IT? FOR CRYING OUT LOUD…
Todd: Hey Arcade! Go beat up Pietro again!
Pietro: WHAT?