We're back! How come you aren't Reviewing?! REVIEW! After you read. Anyways, for this chapter, you need SEVEN NATION ARMY by THE WHITE STRIPES. It is so awesome. Awesomely awesome. And now, you read. If possible, this chapter is more serious than the last one.
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There were two girls laying outside a room. Inside said room were the three dead people: Syaoran, Sakura, and Eriol. So obviously, they're all in Syaoran's house where they had previously been smote. The two wonderfully beautiful girls, who were outside the bedroom, started kicking the door with amazing rhythm. Then, one started singing, "Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun." And like everything else in the universe, it eventually turned into The White Stripes, Seven Nation Army song.
I'm gonna fight 'em off
A seven nation army couldn't hold me back
They're gonna rip it off
Taking their time right behind my back
The two girls barged into the room. A Seven Nation Army could not hold them back. "Sixty-two!" one yelled. "We will bring you back to life with our amazing goddess powers."
"I can do it," the other offered, "I can do it nine times!"
So, they did. Nine times. Suddenly, a Seven Nation Army stomped angrily outside the house. Eriol and Syaoran were miraculously brought back to life with a bright light. And Amazing Grace.
Suddenly, Sakura's dead form shrieked: "BRING ME TO LIFE! Wake me up inside, wake me up inside, call my name and save me from the dark."
"Oh, sorry," Eriol said and turned on the light.
At that moment, after muchos stomping, the Seven Nation Army finally made their way into the house and up the stairs. The goddesses had previously disappeared from the room after their resurrecting resurrection. Erection. Hah. Then Eriol disappeared because there was no room for him in the plot. A Seven Nation Army could not stop the authoresses.
When Syaoran saw the Seven Nation Army he yelled, "Not Gonna Get Us!" Sakura and Syraoran then proceeded to prance out of the room away from the Seven Nation Army that was then noticed to be made of monkeys wearing armour. Which was bright pink. With tasteful hints of purple. And maybe a bit of green. It was very becoming for the monkeys.
And I'm talking to myself at night because I can't forget
Back and forth through my mind behind a cigarette
And the message coming from my eyes says, 'leave it alone'
As they pranced out of the house, the high pitched screeching of the monkeys fading in the background, Sakura tripped. Syraoran helped her up saying, "Hey Ho, Let's Go!"
"I Wanna Be Sedated," Sakura replied.
"Oh, you have so much pain hiding Behind Blue Eyes," he said passionately. So passionately God killed some monkeys. Then He realized that He had killed the Seven Nation Army and was so angered he brought them back to life and killed some chihuahuas (hairless, to be exact) instead.
While God was ranting, Sakura's voice could be heard faintly from earth saying, "But I have green eyes!"
But back to the story, a blonde bombshell came waltzing past them holding the hand of a small child. The little girl ran up, having a crush on Syaoran.
"Hi, I'm Stacy!" she chirped. Like the dead birds that chirped no more. No, no more.
"Stacy's Mom Has Got It Going On," Syaoran whispered, wide eyed, his eyes still glued to the blonde woman. He then proceeded to mow her lawn. It was green. With tasteful hints of purple. And maybe a bit of bright pink. It was very becoming for the house. Which resembled a refrigerator box. Maybe because it was. Because Stacy and her Mom were actually hobos. And neither of them had it "going on." Syaoran was just confused because he had been sedated by the Seven Nation Army..... while nobody was looking.
Sakura was secretly jealous of Stacy's Mom because she was so hot, but not, in fact, it is getting kind of Hot In Herre, with two R's of course, you horse, which would neigh and has not been smote by God yet because he was feeling particularly particular to horses, because they resembled unicorns... without the horns, which are now connected to bulls or bull frogs but not horned owls, they are just horny.
Don't wanna hear about it
Every single one's got a story to tell
Everyone knows about it
From the Queen of England to the hounds of Hell
"We're Not Gonna Take It," Sakura screamed, really referring only to herself. But she has "problems" so it's okay.
Then, Stacy's Mom sauntered over to Syaoran and purred, "My name is Gong Bada. I like basketball. Very, very..." These, of course, were the magic words which summoned the Seven Nation Army. The monkeys appeared quickly in all their screeching glory.
"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" they eeeeeeeeed eeeeeingly.
Sakura, not actually half as stupid as she looked, realized that those were indeed the magic words to summon the monkeys and quickly memorized them. She grabbed Syaoran's hand from the seducing words of the blonde woman and RAN. In capitols. But they did not run from the monkeys, they pranced.
God was sick of all the prancing and decided to kill the horses which he had originally favoured, because they looked like unicorns. Now He thought they resembled horny owls. Which they did. To an extent. You know, all the feathers... and beaks... and hooves?
Through all the prancing and killing, the oliphants came from the Deep Forest and started towards the running couple. They stampa stampa stampa-ed on helpless civilians. Oops, buh bye Stacy. But Stacy's Mom was still on the loose, and chasing them. Unswiftly. Suddenly she tripped and, stampa stampa stampa, she was dead.
"If only we had some monkeys!" Syaoran shrieked, completely forgetting his horrific encounters with the Seven Nation Army.
"If only I knew some secret words about basketball to call some monkeys!" Sakura shrieked back. Spit landed on her lover and he cringed, reminded of his terrible childhood, and cowered on the ground, mumbling, "Say it, don't spray it," and odd things about tall hills. And plump little boys. Michael Jackson sure likes them.
The oliphants were about to stampa stampa stampa on Syaoran's head when suddenly the words sprung to Sakura's mind.
"Alika-basketball!" she cried. Crickets chirped. "Basketball-kazzam?" She tried again. As the large foot came down in slow motion on Syaoran's unsuspecting, cowering head, Sakura yelled random words in her haste to save her parachute.... I mean her lover:
"Basketball sesame!"
"Open basketball!"
"Monkeys, come to my aid!"
"Chirpity chirp chirp!"
"Oops... I Did It Again!"
"EEEEEEEEKKKK!!!!"
"Ding Dong, The Witch Is Dead??!"
(Remember kiddies, slow motion is sloooooooooowww.)
Finally, after an hour of cowering, stampa stampa stampa-ing, and random shrieking (remember, slooooooooooowww) the magical words flew to her mind... like dead birds. Which don't fly, so they were thrown at her. Through one ear and out the other.
"My name is Gong Bada!!! I like baseball -- I mean basketball. Very, very..."
There was a faint "Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun," and the light pitter-patter of monkey feet. And the noiseless sound of their armour clanging loudly.
And if I catch it coming back my way
I'm gonna serve it to you
And that ain't what you want to hear,
But that's what I'll do
The Seven Nation Army appeared with a pee-your-pants ferocity only monkeys can bring. It was terrifying. Obliging, the oliphants peed their pants.
The monkeys ATTACKED!!!! WITH SEVERAL EXCLAMATION MARKS AND LOTS OF CAPITALS!!!!
And the Seven Nation Army could hold the oliphants back. Go monkeys, go. w00t!
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TO BE CONTINUED!!! WITH CAPITALS, BOLD LETTERS, AND ITALICS!
This sorry story will be updated when we are bored... which is often. And remember this is SERIOUS!! And you know the goddesses at the beginning... that was us... And we actually did stomp the Seven Nation Army on the door to annoy my brother. It was fun. Tune in next time, same bat time, same bat place.
~How many songs are mentioned in this chapter? Anyone know?~
