Wolf
Part Nine: "Phantasm"
by Vega
I cried myself to sleep in Kouga's arms, still clinging to the telephone.
When next I awoke it was dark, nearing dawn by the shade of purple outside my window. I had gotten frighteningly good and predicting what the time was by the way the sky shone in these past few months.
I sat up slowly, still stiff in some places. I had been allowed to wander the hospital for brief periods of time in the last few days, just to keep myself from going stir crazy and for exercise, and I didn't want to be in my bed anymore just now. I looked around and saw nothing but darkness surrounding me, and whimpered slightly. It reminded me too much of my time at Naraku's castle.
Where was Great-grandmother? Where was Unlce Sess? Where was Kouga? Why was I alone?
"Hey, now, I'm here," I heard a comforting voice whisper from the dark shadows that enveloped the comfortable chair in the corner. Kouga's blue glowing eyes suddenly jumped into existence as he opened them, and came forward to sit on the edge of my bed. He was entirely too good at blending in with the darkness for my liking.
He was whispering, which wasn't really necessary, as I had a private room, but it was soothing none the less.
"I'm sorry," I whispered back. "Were you asleep?"
"Only a little," he smiled and brushed his fingers through my hair.
"I want to go watch the sunrise," I said abruptly and his lips twitched even further upwards. Without another word he stood, pressed a kiss to my forehead, and went to the far side of the room to retrieve our coats.
I watched him go, his tail swaying back and forth, and asked myself for the millionth time what it was exactly that I thought I was doing. Here was Kouga, the Prince of the Wolves, rushing to my side the moment he knew where I was, swearing his undying love for me, swearing that he'll be the best mate a hanyou could ever ask for, swearing that he's been faithfully waiting for me for five hundred years.
Then in the same breath tells me that every friend I once had in the Feudal Ages, except him, was dead.
I felt like someone had taken a tire-iron to my gut. I wanted to hug him and hold him, and let him protect me forever from the nightmares and the past, but at the same time, push him away and wail in grief. Ginta and Hakkaku were gone...
And then he asked me if I missed him, and what am I supposed to think? What am I supposed to say?
"I don't know"?
I mean, I'm not even sure I LOVE him, and he wants to MARRY me?
We slept together once, and that was, in my mind, mostly to keep Ginta from trying the same, and was pity /comfort sex. He was there, we both wanted it, so we did it! I was a responsible adult and chose. I was lucky I didn't get pregnant, but otherwise enjoyed the experience.
Kouga was, admittedly, very attractive and very attentive. He was charming in a 'get your eyes off my woman or I'll rip them out' kinda way, and I'd always sort of like the sweet-heart-asshole type. But did I LOVE him?
I don't know. I have been watching him these past few days, listening to all he's said, and have made myself stop and think rationally. I wanted so desperately to fall head over heels into his heart, but I wondered if that was just a side effect of the piercing loneliness and fear I'd been awash in for the past few months.
If I agree to mate with him, that's it. It's all over. I'm his forever. So my feelings better not be a fluke, or else.
Can I deal with that?
Do I even like him enough to want to spend forever with him?
And on the flip side of the coin, he's the most gentle, kind, polite, sweet and paradoxily, sexy, sensual, and 'naughty' man I've ever been with in my entire life. I realized the moment I saw him arguing with great-grandmother in the doorway of my room, hands flailing in his frustration, eyes flashing, that black leather duster flapping with his movements, that it had been him ; the man who had saved me on the street that day when I had been a kid had been Kouga.
Kouga. He had known where and when I was going to be - he must have been following the line of my ancestors very carefully, or maybe the Miko had told him. Who knows? But he had followed me, protected me, watched over me. He had been my own personal guardian demon for my entire life, and now he was asking me to let him step out of the shadows and hold me for real.
I was flattered, honoured, and squicked all at the same time.
Truth be told, it was a little creepy, thinking that all those lucky times I'd managed to do something to keep myself away from danger, Kouga might've really been the one responsible for it. And had he watched me dating all those other boys that resembled him? Had he been jealous fo them?
I hadn't heard from some of my exes in a while - I wondered if Kouga had ever done anything to the ones that had hurt me terribly. And now that I thought about it, more than once, one of them that I thought I could settle down with and maybe be content with had sudden changes of hearts and "I realized I don't love you anymore"s.
I made a mental note to myself: ask Kouga how many of my boyfriends he had threatened.
Again, the thought of him cornering one of them and demanding that they leave me alone is both feet-sweepingly romantic and perversely possessive. Only an arrogant fathead like the Prince of the Wolves would be self assured enough to tell ningen boys to pack up and move on before he had even properly met or wooed me.
And yet here he was - the one man all those other boys couldn't measure up to.
I had spent my whole life fantasizing about Kouga, and here he was, in the flesh, and all mine. But after all was said and done, I was scared. What if he had built me up to be something that I was not? Five hundred years is a long time. What if I had done the same? The disappointment could be heart-wrenching for the both of us.
For him, it may be fatal - I know that Uncle Sess would spit Kouga if he ever dared to hurt me... that is if there was anything left after Great-grandmother got to him. And she was in line behind ME.
So I was taking it slowly, one step at a time.
Right now, I was very fond of him, but I still didn't think it was love. Maybe with a few more days, it would get there.
... if the arrival of my mother didn't shoot the whole thing to Hell before I could even decide if I wanted to love Kouga or not.
Thinking of my mother made me anxious again and Kouga returned to the bedside and draped our coats over the edge of the foot-board. His pert little nose twitched. "What's the matter?" he asked as he held out an arm so I could cling to him and scoot myself out of bed. I was still awfully weak, although I never had need of a wheelchair because I had what Great-Grandmother dubbed, my own wheel-Kouga.
He carried me everywhere I wanted to go, and although I knew I was not a burden because I was very thin and sort of unhealthy due to my time in the past, and he was very strong because he was a youkai, I still found it endearing.
When he moved to scoop me up this time I shook my head, indicating that I wanted to walk on my own, and he said "Thinking about your mother?"
I smiled slightly, grasping the rail with one hand as he helped me shrug my heavily-bandaged right arm into my jacket. "How did you know?" He tapped the side of his nose and I grinned all the way. "Bloodhound."
He grinned himself, flashing me fang (and it was the grin that made me want to just shout out "Yes, marry me!" right then and there), helped me into my coat all the way, then left me by the bed briefly to go prop open the door. He grabbed his own coat on the way and began to slide it on.
The moment he left my side, I felt suddenly and unbelievably cold. At first I thought it was just a draft from not being tucked under the covers or wrapped in Kouga's arms, but no... this was something else. It felt like an arctic wind had picked up and was whipping around me, yet nothing else in the room was blowing.
I felt my heart raise into my throat, and I tried to swallow it back down, only to find my throat too dry to do me any good.
I raised my right hand feebly, hoping he'd see the gesture out of the corner of his eyes and turn around.
Oh, god, it was getting hard to breathe! I felt my body shivering, my teeth chattering - it was so cold!
I swallowed again, trying to shout out to him, to scream, anything! No sound emerged. I tried again - again nothing!
I had all but given up hope, icy shards flowing through my veins, tears pooling in my eyes, freezing on my eyelashes and in tiny tear-drop icicles on my cheeks, my fingers tips and lips numbing, when I managed a weak and breathy:
"Kouga...?"
He turned back to me, all smiles, one arm half in his leather duster. "Yeah?" His posture immediately changed when he looked at me, his face going white. He dropped the duster on to the floor and rushed at me.
I was standing beside the bed, my good arm bracing me, stiff-jointed, my eyes wide and staring at nothing. I was going numb all over. I tried to shout, but my voice sounded like a mouse's whisper. "Kouga, something's wrong..."
I collapsed suddenly, all tension vanishing from my body. It was only Kouga's quick reaction that kept me from bashing my head on the night stand as I fell. He cradled me in his embrace, on hand on my cheek, the other arm wrapped under my arms awkwardly, our legs tangled. He fell to his knees to ease the slipping.
"AZ!" he cried, "What is it!?"
My eyelids were feeling heavy and there was a suddenly burning flare of pain in my right wrist, as if I'd just been bitten. "I... I..."
"What?" Kouga asked desperately, his fingers spasming, trying to hold on to me. Trying to keep me awake.
"... I smell... sandalwood..."
Part Nine: "Phantasm"
by Vega
I cried myself to sleep in Kouga's arms, still clinging to the telephone.
When next I awoke it was dark, nearing dawn by the shade of purple outside my window. I had gotten frighteningly good and predicting what the time was by the way the sky shone in these past few months.
I sat up slowly, still stiff in some places. I had been allowed to wander the hospital for brief periods of time in the last few days, just to keep myself from going stir crazy and for exercise, and I didn't want to be in my bed anymore just now. I looked around and saw nothing but darkness surrounding me, and whimpered slightly. It reminded me too much of my time at Naraku's castle.
Where was Great-grandmother? Where was Unlce Sess? Where was Kouga? Why was I alone?
"Hey, now, I'm here," I heard a comforting voice whisper from the dark shadows that enveloped the comfortable chair in the corner. Kouga's blue glowing eyes suddenly jumped into existence as he opened them, and came forward to sit on the edge of my bed. He was entirely too good at blending in with the darkness for my liking.
He was whispering, which wasn't really necessary, as I had a private room, but it was soothing none the less.
"I'm sorry," I whispered back. "Were you asleep?"
"Only a little," he smiled and brushed his fingers through my hair.
"I want to go watch the sunrise," I said abruptly and his lips twitched even further upwards. Without another word he stood, pressed a kiss to my forehead, and went to the far side of the room to retrieve our coats.
I watched him go, his tail swaying back and forth, and asked myself for the millionth time what it was exactly that I thought I was doing. Here was Kouga, the Prince of the Wolves, rushing to my side the moment he knew where I was, swearing his undying love for me, swearing that he'll be the best mate a hanyou could ever ask for, swearing that he's been faithfully waiting for me for five hundred years.
Then in the same breath tells me that every friend I once had in the Feudal Ages, except him, was dead.
I felt like someone had taken a tire-iron to my gut. I wanted to hug him and hold him, and let him protect me forever from the nightmares and the past, but at the same time, push him away and wail in grief. Ginta and Hakkaku were gone...
And then he asked me if I missed him, and what am I supposed to think? What am I supposed to say?
"I don't know"?
I mean, I'm not even sure I LOVE him, and he wants to MARRY me?
We slept together once, and that was, in my mind, mostly to keep Ginta from trying the same, and was pity /comfort sex. He was there, we both wanted it, so we did it! I was a responsible adult and chose. I was lucky I didn't get pregnant, but otherwise enjoyed the experience.
Kouga was, admittedly, very attractive and very attentive. He was charming in a 'get your eyes off my woman or I'll rip them out' kinda way, and I'd always sort of like the sweet-heart-asshole type. But did I LOVE him?
I don't know. I have been watching him these past few days, listening to all he's said, and have made myself stop and think rationally. I wanted so desperately to fall head over heels into his heart, but I wondered if that was just a side effect of the piercing loneliness and fear I'd been awash in for the past few months.
If I agree to mate with him, that's it. It's all over. I'm his forever. So my feelings better not be a fluke, or else.
Can I deal with that?
Do I even like him enough to want to spend forever with him?
And on the flip side of the coin, he's the most gentle, kind, polite, sweet and paradoxily, sexy, sensual, and 'naughty' man I've ever been with in my entire life. I realized the moment I saw him arguing with great-grandmother in the doorway of my room, hands flailing in his frustration, eyes flashing, that black leather duster flapping with his movements, that it had been him ; the man who had saved me on the street that day when I had been a kid had been Kouga.
Kouga. He had known where and when I was going to be - he must have been following the line of my ancestors very carefully, or maybe the Miko had told him. Who knows? But he had followed me, protected me, watched over me. He had been my own personal guardian demon for my entire life, and now he was asking me to let him step out of the shadows and hold me for real.
I was flattered, honoured, and squicked all at the same time.
Truth be told, it was a little creepy, thinking that all those lucky times I'd managed to do something to keep myself away from danger, Kouga might've really been the one responsible for it. And had he watched me dating all those other boys that resembled him? Had he been jealous fo them?
I hadn't heard from some of my exes in a while - I wondered if Kouga had ever done anything to the ones that had hurt me terribly. And now that I thought about it, more than once, one of them that I thought I could settle down with and maybe be content with had sudden changes of hearts and "I realized I don't love you anymore"s.
I made a mental note to myself: ask Kouga how many of my boyfriends he had threatened.
Again, the thought of him cornering one of them and demanding that they leave me alone is both feet-sweepingly romantic and perversely possessive. Only an arrogant fathead like the Prince of the Wolves would be self assured enough to tell ningen boys to pack up and move on before he had even properly met or wooed me.
And yet here he was - the one man all those other boys couldn't measure up to.
I had spent my whole life fantasizing about Kouga, and here he was, in the flesh, and all mine. But after all was said and done, I was scared. What if he had built me up to be something that I was not? Five hundred years is a long time. What if I had done the same? The disappointment could be heart-wrenching for the both of us.
For him, it may be fatal - I know that Uncle Sess would spit Kouga if he ever dared to hurt me... that is if there was anything left after Great-grandmother got to him. And she was in line behind ME.
So I was taking it slowly, one step at a time.
Right now, I was very fond of him, but I still didn't think it was love. Maybe with a few more days, it would get there.
... if the arrival of my mother didn't shoot the whole thing to Hell before I could even decide if I wanted to love Kouga or not.
Thinking of my mother made me anxious again and Kouga returned to the bedside and draped our coats over the edge of the foot-board. His pert little nose twitched. "What's the matter?" he asked as he held out an arm so I could cling to him and scoot myself out of bed. I was still awfully weak, although I never had need of a wheelchair because I had what Great-Grandmother dubbed, my own wheel-Kouga.
He carried me everywhere I wanted to go, and although I knew I was not a burden because I was very thin and sort of unhealthy due to my time in the past, and he was very strong because he was a youkai, I still found it endearing.
When he moved to scoop me up this time I shook my head, indicating that I wanted to walk on my own, and he said "Thinking about your mother?"
I smiled slightly, grasping the rail with one hand as he helped me shrug my heavily-bandaged right arm into my jacket. "How did you know?" He tapped the side of his nose and I grinned all the way. "Bloodhound."
He grinned himself, flashing me fang (and it was the grin that made me want to just shout out "Yes, marry me!" right then and there), helped me into my coat all the way, then left me by the bed briefly to go prop open the door. He grabbed his own coat on the way and began to slide it on.
The moment he left my side, I felt suddenly and unbelievably cold. At first I thought it was just a draft from not being tucked under the covers or wrapped in Kouga's arms, but no... this was something else. It felt like an arctic wind had picked up and was whipping around me, yet nothing else in the room was blowing.
I felt my heart raise into my throat, and I tried to swallow it back down, only to find my throat too dry to do me any good.
I raised my right hand feebly, hoping he'd see the gesture out of the corner of his eyes and turn around.
Oh, god, it was getting hard to breathe! I felt my body shivering, my teeth chattering - it was so cold!
I swallowed again, trying to shout out to him, to scream, anything! No sound emerged. I tried again - again nothing!
I had all but given up hope, icy shards flowing through my veins, tears pooling in my eyes, freezing on my eyelashes and in tiny tear-drop icicles on my cheeks, my fingers tips and lips numbing, when I managed a weak and breathy:
"Kouga...?"
He turned back to me, all smiles, one arm half in his leather duster. "Yeah?" His posture immediately changed when he looked at me, his face going white. He dropped the duster on to the floor and rushed at me.
I was standing beside the bed, my good arm bracing me, stiff-jointed, my eyes wide and staring at nothing. I was going numb all over. I tried to shout, but my voice sounded like a mouse's whisper. "Kouga, something's wrong..."
I collapsed suddenly, all tension vanishing from my body. It was only Kouga's quick reaction that kept me from bashing my head on the night stand as I fell. He cradled me in his embrace, on hand on my cheek, the other arm wrapped under my arms awkwardly, our legs tangled. He fell to his knees to ease the slipping.
"AZ!" he cried, "What is it!?"
My eyelids were feeling heavy and there was a suddenly burning flare of pain in my right wrist, as if I'd just been bitten. "I... I..."
"What?" Kouga asked desperately, his fingers spasming, trying to hold on to me. Trying to keep me awake.
"... I smell... sandalwood..."