Chapter 3
Goren's apartment is cold, like he keeps the heat off except when he is home. When they enter, Goren goes directly to the bathroom, and Alex goes to the kitchen. She finds the biggest glasses he has and fills them with water.
When he emerges, she hands him one.
"Consider it my attempt to live up to my newly-acquired white-knight status. This'll save you from a wicked headache in the morning."
He shakes his head a little and heads for the couch.
She sits down in the armchair and unzips her boots so she can curl up her legs. "What do you want from me?"
Goren looks out the window at the lights on the street. "Nothing."
He seems so weary, that Alex decides to cut to the chase. "What happened today- it wasn't about you. It's not always about you."
"And what do you think it was about?"
"The betrayal and manipulation of a disturbed and immature young woman. Julie Turner's reaction to her father was a result of that. Not a result of you underestimating her. Really, it wasn't even a product of the sting at all. She would have found out about her father and her fiancé eventually, and her reaction would have been the same whether we set up the confrontation or not."
"Why is it that you are able to reduce the most complex and intricate human interactions into unambiguous morality plays?"
She shakes her head in disbelief. "I'm not so stupid that I don't know when I'm being condescended to. And this is coming from a man who has decided reduce the same events into a moral condemnation of himself."
Goren looks up at her, his eyes wide. "Wait Eames, I…"
She cuts him off, now openly angry. "Perhaps my sense of right and wrong has hardened me to the emotional aspects of this work, but it takes a real narcissist to consider yourself to be the beginning and the end of everything that happens the moment you arrive on the scene."
Her words hang in the air while he sits with his mouth slightly open. She realizes she is clenching her fists and makes a conscious effort to relax her fingers.
After all of the crap she puts up with, after willingly playing second fiddle to him for several years now, he has the balls to imply she is simple and cold-hearted.
"Don't you get it? Don't you understand that knowing who the bad guys are is the only thing that makes this job possible for me? If I walked around like you do, getting emotionally involved in every messy life I see, people would write me off as just another woman. Too emotional to do the job right. I would be run off the force and sent to social work school. It's a luxury in which I can't afford to indulge."
Goren stands suddenly, his face contorted in frustration. He stammers as he searches for the words he wants. "I didn't mean… I'm not trying to attack your worldview. I know… A long time ago I understood what that was all about."
Alex stands up to lessen the impact of his height advantage just a little. "Oh, I shoulda known. The brilliant detective who has cracked open the heads of a thousand criminal masterminds would have no trouble getting a grasp on a facile girl like me."
"God damn it, Eames. How can you say those things?"
He moves forward and grasps one of her shoulders firmly with his hand. His voice is urgent. "Don't you think that I respect you as a cop or value what our partnership has done for my work?"
"I think you're well aware of it. Because it's *your* work."
"You need to hear me on this, Eames. I might be self-centered and arrogant. I might get frustrated with your black-and-white ethics. But that's why I need you. You've been my moral compass more times than I can count. You keep me from taking my empathy too far. But, you understand that it's what allows me to do what I do. Not everyone gets it. You do. You're really the only one who does. "
"And what have you done for me?" She knows she is being unfair now. His little speech was exactly right in sentiment and tone, but she is stubborn.
With that, he looks resigned. He pulls her into his body and wraps his arms around her. He just stands and holds her.
She is taken aback, but Alex does not return the embrace. She is too angry and cannot swallow her pride.
But she can't help but take pleasure from the way the thin material of his shirt feels against her face. His breath tickles her hair as he presses his mouth to the top of her head. He is squeezing her tighter as the seconds pass.
One cannot be embraced by a warm friend for too long and not be warmed oneself.
She reaches her arms around him and holds him. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
She takes a deep breath and draws in his musky scent. "I know what you've done for me. You remind to be human."
He pulls away a little, so he can look at her.
He says simply, "I'm drunk."
Alex laughs a little. "Me too."
Goren doesn't smile. His voice cracks as he says "I'm glad you found me tonight."
Alex is feeling suddenly, and unusually, shy. "I couldn't take the chance that you'd tear up the bar, not with the guys from Fraud there to watch."
"You'll stay the night?"
"Will you take me home in the morning before work so I can change?"
"Of course."
"Fine. But no funny stuff." She smiles again to lighten the moment.
Goren has never looked more serious. "I never intend to be funny."
She can't help but roll her eyes. "I know. Go get ready for bed now, Bobby. You're drunk, remember?"
He drops his arms from her and scratches the back of his head. "Yeah."
Alex waits until he is out of the room, then she drops to the couch and puts her spinning head in her hands. Exhaustion and relief overwhelm her.
It's too much to grapple with at this late hour, with so much gin in her system.
But somewhere in the back of her mind, she knows that this evening, tumultuous as it was, is a turning point for them. They both finally said what needed to be said.
And what is a partnership but a reckoning of differences?
Goren's apartment is cold, like he keeps the heat off except when he is home. When they enter, Goren goes directly to the bathroom, and Alex goes to the kitchen. She finds the biggest glasses he has and fills them with water.
When he emerges, she hands him one.
"Consider it my attempt to live up to my newly-acquired white-knight status. This'll save you from a wicked headache in the morning."
He shakes his head a little and heads for the couch.
She sits down in the armchair and unzips her boots so she can curl up her legs. "What do you want from me?"
Goren looks out the window at the lights on the street. "Nothing."
He seems so weary, that Alex decides to cut to the chase. "What happened today- it wasn't about you. It's not always about you."
"And what do you think it was about?"
"The betrayal and manipulation of a disturbed and immature young woman. Julie Turner's reaction to her father was a result of that. Not a result of you underestimating her. Really, it wasn't even a product of the sting at all. She would have found out about her father and her fiancé eventually, and her reaction would have been the same whether we set up the confrontation or not."
"Why is it that you are able to reduce the most complex and intricate human interactions into unambiguous morality plays?"
She shakes her head in disbelief. "I'm not so stupid that I don't know when I'm being condescended to. And this is coming from a man who has decided reduce the same events into a moral condemnation of himself."
Goren looks up at her, his eyes wide. "Wait Eames, I…"
She cuts him off, now openly angry. "Perhaps my sense of right and wrong has hardened me to the emotional aspects of this work, but it takes a real narcissist to consider yourself to be the beginning and the end of everything that happens the moment you arrive on the scene."
Her words hang in the air while he sits with his mouth slightly open. She realizes she is clenching her fists and makes a conscious effort to relax her fingers.
After all of the crap she puts up with, after willingly playing second fiddle to him for several years now, he has the balls to imply she is simple and cold-hearted.
"Don't you get it? Don't you understand that knowing who the bad guys are is the only thing that makes this job possible for me? If I walked around like you do, getting emotionally involved in every messy life I see, people would write me off as just another woman. Too emotional to do the job right. I would be run off the force and sent to social work school. It's a luxury in which I can't afford to indulge."
Goren stands suddenly, his face contorted in frustration. He stammers as he searches for the words he wants. "I didn't mean… I'm not trying to attack your worldview. I know… A long time ago I understood what that was all about."
Alex stands up to lessen the impact of his height advantage just a little. "Oh, I shoulda known. The brilliant detective who has cracked open the heads of a thousand criminal masterminds would have no trouble getting a grasp on a facile girl like me."
"God damn it, Eames. How can you say those things?"
He moves forward and grasps one of her shoulders firmly with his hand. His voice is urgent. "Don't you think that I respect you as a cop or value what our partnership has done for my work?"
"I think you're well aware of it. Because it's *your* work."
"You need to hear me on this, Eames. I might be self-centered and arrogant. I might get frustrated with your black-and-white ethics. But that's why I need you. You've been my moral compass more times than I can count. You keep me from taking my empathy too far. But, you understand that it's what allows me to do what I do. Not everyone gets it. You do. You're really the only one who does. "
"And what have you done for me?" She knows she is being unfair now. His little speech was exactly right in sentiment and tone, but she is stubborn.
With that, he looks resigned. He pulls her into his body and wraps his arms around her. He just stands and holds her.
She is taken aback, but Alex does not return the embrace. She is too angry and cannot swallow her pride.
But she can't help but take pleasure from the way the thin material of his shirt feels against her face. His breath tickles her hair as he presses his mouth to the top of her head. He is squeezing her tighter as the seconds pass.
One cannot be embraced by a warm friend for too long and not be warmed oneself.
She reaches her arms around him and holds him. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
She takes a deep breath and draws in his musky scent. "I know what you've done for me. You remind to be human."
He pulls away a little, so he can look at her.
He says simply, "I'm drunk."
Alex laughs a little. "Me too."
Goren doesn't smile. His voice cracks as he says "I'm glad you found me tonight."
Alex is feeling suddenly, and unusually, shy. "I couldn't take the chance that you'd tear up the bar, not with the guys from Fraud there to watch."
"You'll stay the night?"
"Will you take me home in the morning before work so I can change?"
"Of course."
"Fine. But no funny stuff." She smiles again to lighten the moment.
Goren has never looked more serious. "I never intend to be funny."
She can't help but roll her eyes. "I know. Go get ready for bed now, Bobby. You're drunk, remember?"
He drops his arms from her and scratches the back of his head. "Yeah."
Alex waits until he is out of the room, then she drops to the couch and puts her spinning head in her hands. Exhaustion and relief overwhelm her.
It's too much to grapple with at this late hour, with so much gin in her system.
But somewhere in the back of her mind, she knows that this evening, tumultuous as it was, is a turning point for them. They both finally said what needed to be said.
And what is a partnership but a reckoning of differences?