"A U?" Kirk looked sceptically over at the young girl.
"Yes sir. A U." Spock replied.
"A U?" Kirk asked again.
"Yes Jim. A U." McCoy replied.
"A U?" Kirk asked again again.
"Yes Jim. A U." The girl replied.
"What's a U?"
"The letter before V and after T." Spock answered logically.
"A U is an immortal immature life form who likes screwing with people's lives and ships." The girl explained.
"Why?"
"Because it's fun."
"This is illogical." Spock stated.
"I wasn't talking to you, un-elf-like-green-skinned-person." The girl pursed her lips and sat on a giant peach.
"That is also illogical."
"Where did you come from?" Kirk asked. The girl blinked.
"I come from the U continuum."
"What is the U continuum?"
"Something that has absolutely nothing to do with the Q continuum."
"Eh?"
"Sigh. In approximately one hundred year's time (A/N: ? I don't know.) Captain Picard of the USS Enterprise that is not your USS Enterprise will meet a being who is a Q. We U's have nothing to do with the Q's."
"Eh?"
"There are 26 immortal races. A's to Z's. Q's are the ones that supposedly were discovered first and they are the ones who do the most harm to the Universe in which you live. Therefore I have come back in time (or rather, to my time frame, come forwards in time) to change that and establish first contact. I am here on behalf of the U's and the phoenix is here on behalf of the Z's."
"Eh?"
"They want to make first contact." Spock explained.
"Oh."
"So, can we?" The U asked.
"I believe we have." Spock replied, "my name is Spock. What is yours?"
"My name is Cabbage."
"Pleased to meet you, Cabbage."
"And you."
"What's the phoenix's name?"
"He told you."
"He did?"
"Yes. His name is Chocolate-and-Cheese."
"Why are you named after food?"
"Why are you named after a swimming pool?"
Spock arched a brow, "a swimming pool?"
"Yes. You are named after the mighty Spock swimming pool of Lamb Grill Steaks, are you not?"
"Let me get this straight," McCoy interrupted, "everything we consider food, like Cabbage, for example, you consider a name? Like Cabbage the U?"
"Put simply anything you consider a noun we consider a name, and anything we consider a name you consider an object, McCoy the hypospray."
"Well, at least that partially makes sense. I am a Doctor."
"What about Kirk?" Kirk asked, finally regaining the capability to talk.
"Kirk the ceiling tile." Cabbage replied seriously.
"And Chapel?" McCoy's curiosity and Need-For-Fun-Making was taking over his First-Contact-Not-Insulting drive, "what about Chapel?"
"Chapel the paint can."
"And Chekov?"
"Is there a point to this?"
"Yes."
"Very well then. Chekov the caviar dish."
"Caviar is a Russian food stuff." Spock enlightened everyone.
"Look," Kirk suddenly remembered why the U was there, "you want to make peace with the Federation before the Q's, correct?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
"Because the Q's will accidentally destroy the Universe if you make contact with them first."
"And the Z's? Why are they here?"
"The U's and Z's and P's have had an alliance for some time. The P representative has been here for a year now, studying you."
"Really? What is it?"
"It is your suitcase."
"My suitcase is an alien being? A P?"
"Well, we knew he was suited to the job...because his name is Suitcase."
"So to summarize," Spock summarized, "we have a U named Cabbage, a Z named Chocolate-and-Cheese and a P named Suitcase all on board trying to make peace with the Federation because a race named Q is going to, one hundred years in the future, blow up the Universe."
"Yes." Cabbage replied.
"That is illogical."
"I knew you were going to say that."
"Yes sir. A U." Spock replied.
"A U?" Kirk asked again.
"Yes Jim. A U." McCoy replied.
"A U?" Kirk asked again again.
"Yes Jim. A U." The girl replied.
"What's a U?"
"The letter before V and after T." Spock answered logically.
"A U is an immortal immature life form who likes screwing with people's lives and ships." The girl explained.
"Why?"
"Because it's fun."
"This is illogical." Spock stated.
"I wasn't talking to you, un-elf-like-green-skinned-person." The girl pursed her lips and sat on a giant peach.
"That is also illogical."
"Where did you come from?" Kirk asked. The girl blinked.
"I come from the U continuum."
"What is the U continuum?"
"Something that has absolutely nothing to do with the Q continuum."
"Eh?"
"Sigh. In approximately one hundred year's time (A/N: ? I don't know.) Captain Picard of the USS Enterprise that is not your USS Enterprise will meet a being who is a Q. We U's have nothing to do with the Q's."
"Eh?"
"There are 26 immortal races. A's to Z's. Q's are the ones that supposedly were discovered first and they are the ones who do the most harm to the Universe in which you live. Therefore I have come back in time (or rather, to my time frame, come forwards in time) to change that and establish first contact. I am here on behalf of the U's and the phoenix is here on behalf of the Z's."
"Eh?"
"They want to make first contact." Spock explained.
"Oh."
"So, can we?" The U asked.
"I believe we have." Spock replied, "my name is Spock. What is yours?"
"My name is Cabbage."
"Pleased to meet you, Cabbage."
"And you."
"What's the phoenix's name?"
"He told you."
"He did?"
"Yes. His name is Chocolate-and-Cheese."
"Why are you named after food?"
"Why are you named after a swimming pool?"
Spock arched a brow, "a swimming pool?"
"Yes. You are named after the mighty Spock swimming pool of Lamb Grill Steaks, are you not?"
"Let me get this straight," McCoy interrupted, "everything we consider food, like Cabbage, for example, you consider a name? Like Cabbage the U?"
"Put simply anything you consider a noun we consider a name, and anything we consider a name you consider an object, McCoy the hypospray."
"Well, at least that partially makes sense. I am a Doctor."
"What about Kirk?" Kirk asked, finally regaining the capability to talk.
"Kirk the ceiling tile." Cabbage replied seriously.
"And Chapel?" McCoy's curiosity and Need-For-Fun-Making was taking over his First-Contact-Not-Insulting drive, "what about Chapel?"
"Chapel the paint can."
"And Chekov?"
"Is there a point to this?"
"Yes."
"Very well then. Chekov the caviar dish."
"Caviar is a Russian food stuff." Spock enlightened everyone.
"Look," Kirk suddenly remembered why the U was there, "you want to make peace with the Federation before the Q's, correct?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
"Because the Q's will accidentally destroy the Universe if you make contact with them first."
"And the Z's? Why are they here?"
"The U's and Z's and P's have had an alliance for some time. The P representative has been here for a year now, studying you."
"Really? What is it?"
"It is your suitcase."
"My suitcase is an alien being? A P?"
"Well, we knew he was suited to the job...because his name is Suitcase."
"So to summarize," Spock summarized, "we have a U named Cabbage, a Z named Chocolate-and-Cheese and a P named Suitcase all on board trying to make peace with the Federation because a race named Q is going to, one hundred years in the future, blow up the Universe."
"Yes." Cabbage replied.
"That is illogical."
"I knew you were going to say that."