The A's to Z's Part Four
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"Who was that?" Kirk asked after everyone's brains had finished registering that, yes, there had just been a broom in the room, and, yes, it had spoken and condemned their negotiations with a suitcase named Suitcase, a girl named Cabbage and a phoenix named Chocolate-and-Cheese.
"That was Q." Cabbage replied airily, weaving a silky net, "Put this above the door in case he comes back, will you?"
"Do you not mean 'A Q?' ?" Spock inquired, "he was a member of the Q continuum."
"No. His name is Q. And he is a Q. And he has a friend named Quinn. You must note that everyone in the Q continuum has a name beginning with Q." (A/N: I don't know if this is true).
"What do these negotiations involve?" Kirk asked nervously. He was starting to see the downside about being caught in a war between 26 immortal races named after letters of the English alphabet, "Are they normal?"
"To our culture they are." Chocolate-and-Cheese reassured him, "Only maybe they don't have chairs made from water in yours..."
"What? Water?" McCoy piped up, "How can you make a chair from water?"
"You freeze it."
"So, you mean you make the chair from Ice?" Sulu asked.
"No. You freeze its molecular structure thingy so it stays where it is." Cabbage sighed heavily. These humans were so stupid. No wonder they let the Q's blow up the Universe.
"Where are the negotiations going to take place?" Uhura inquired, "On this ship?"
"No. On Rancid oatmeal IV. It's a planet made entirely from frozen water."
"You mean 'Ice'." Kirk hadn't been listening.
"No, I mean...never mind."
"Where is this planet?" Spock managed to ask the question without showing any signs of curiosity, "in this sector?"
"No. It's in the Borg Quadrant. It's one of the only planets they haven't taken over yet."
"What's a Borg? Is it like a Gorn?"
"No. But the Borg do have a lot of Gorns within their collectiveness."
"Beg pardon?"
"The Borg are a race of...races. They find your race and turn everyone into machines, and then you are plugged into this collectiveness they call "The Collective"."
"And YOU want US to go into THEIR territory and get collectivnessised?" Kirk realised he'd made a new word and scribbled it down in his little book of new words, then continued, "and what do we get out of this?"
"Six weeks leave on Risa. All expenses paid."
"Let's do it!"
"Captain!" Everyone bar Chekov cried (for, of course, Chekov cried "Keptin!"), "don't be an idiot! W(V)e might get killed!"
"It's risky, but risks are our business! When a man first looked at the stars-" Kirk was cut off as Spock struck him over the head with a pony, given to him by Cabbage.
"That was illogical." The Vulcan muttered, placing the rather distraught pony on a grass patch that had suddenly appeared on the floor by Uhura's feet, "what happens if we do not participate in these negotiations?"
"You ultimately doom the universe and everyone in it. And we leave you with a cargo hold full of Tribbles and Tribble-Gro."
"Vhat's that?" Chekov asked, regarding the Tribble-Gro.
"A Russian invention." Cabbage assured him, "Tribble-Gro makes the Tribbles reproduce at quadruple the rate they would grow if fed on normal grain like Triticalei."
"Y'know what?" McCoy gulped, "let's go to this friggin' water planet already. I'm more scared of the Tribbles than I ever could be of the Borg..."
~~
~~
"Who was that?" Kirk asked after everyone's brains had finished registering that, yes, there had just been a broom in the room, and, yes, it had spoken and condemned their negotiations with a suitcase named Suitcase, a girl named Cabbage and a phoenix named Chocolate-and-Cheese.
"That was Q." Cabbage replied airily, weaving a silky net, "Put this above the door in case he comes back, will you?"
"Do you not mean 'A Q?' ?" Spock inquired, "he was a member of the Q continuum."
"No. His name is Q. And he is a Q. And he has a friend named Quinn. You must note that everyone in the Q continuum has a name beginning with Q." (A/N: I don't know if this is true).
"What do these negotiations involve?" Kirk asked nervously. He was starting to see the downside about being caught in a war between 26 immortal races named after letters of the English alphabet, "Are they normal?"
"To our culture they are." Chocolate-and-Cheese reassured him, "Only maybe they don't have chairs made from water in yours..."
"What? Water?" McCoy piped up, "How can you make a chair from water?"
"You freeze it."
"So, you mean you make the chair from Ice?" Sulu asked.
"No. You freeze its molecular structure thingy so it stays where it is." Cabbage sighed heavily. These humans were so stupid. No wonder they let the Q's blow up the Universe.
"Where are the negotiations going to take place?" Uhura inquired, "On this ship?"
"No. On Rancid oatmeal IV. It's a planet made entirely from frozen water."
"You mean 'Ice'." Kirk hadn't been listening.
"No, I mean...never mind."
"Where is this planet?" Spock managed to ask the question without showing any signs of curiosity, "in this sector?"
"No. It's in the Borg Quadrant. It's one of the only planets they haven't taken over yet."
"What's a Borg? Is it like a Gorn?"
"No. But the Borg do have a lot of Gorns within their collectiveness."
"Beg pardon?"
"The Borg are a race of...races. They find your race and turn everyone into machines, and then you are plugged into this collectiveness they call "The Collective"."
"And YOU want US to go into THEIR territory and get collectivnessised?" Kirk realised he'd made a new word and scribbled it down in his little book of new words, then continued, "and what do we get out of this?"
"Six weeks leave on Risa. All expenses paid."
"Let's do it!"
"Captain!" Everyone bar Chekov cried (for, of course, Chekov cried "Keptin!"), "don't be an idiot! W(V)e might get killed!"
"It's risky, but risks are our business! When a man first looked at the stars-" Kirk was cut off as Spock struck him over the head with a pony, given to him by Cabbage.
"That was illogical." The Vulcan muttered, placing the rather distraught pony on a grass patch that had suddenly appeared on the floor by Uhura's feet, "what happens if we do not participate in these negotiations?"
"You ultimately doom the universe and everyone in it. And we leave you with a cargo hold full of Tribbles and Tribble-Gro."
"Vhat's that?" Chekov asked, regarding the Tribble-Gro.
"A Russian invention." Cabbage assured him, "Tribble-Gro makes the Tribbles reproduce at quadruple the rate they would grow if fed on normal grain like Triticalei."
"Y'know what?" McCoy gulped, "let's go to this friggin' water planet already. I'm more scared of the Tribbles than I ever could be of the Borg..."
~~