The A's To Z's Part Five
~~
Bug: I know, I was just talking to you like you were Kirk.
Mimi: Ah, thought it had something to do with Q.
~~
"Co-ordinates set. It'll take us about three days at Warp Seven to get to...er...Rancid Oatmeal IV." Sulu tapped in a few meaningless calculations into his console, then looked back at Spock, who was seated in the Command Chair. Kirk was still out cold.
The pony was standing beside him, munching Smarties out of a pale hanging off the left arm of the chair.
"Why can't you just go straight there at Warp Nine?" Cabbage asked Scotty. He turned to her and took a deep breath.
"COS THEY JUST CAN'T DO IT LASS! THE TECHNOBABBLE JUS' WON'T ALLOW IT! SHE CANNAE DO IT, SHE JUST DOESN'T HAVE THE POWER! I CANNAE CHANGE THE LAWS OF PHYSICS!"
Cabbage blinked a few times, then very pointedly stuck one finger in her ear and swizled it around a few times, generating that weird cartoon-sound, "ooooookkkkaaaayyy...what do you guys DO for three days?"
"Ve...ve..." Chekov blinked, "good qvestion. Usually ve just sit here and stare at the screen. I push pointless buttons, Uhura hums, Sulu....does somethink too, and Kirk and Spock and McCoy argue."
"That sounds boring." Snapped Chocolate-and-Cheese, "and completely pointless."
"Velcome to our vorld." Was Chekov's returned view.
"Your world is boring." Suitcase stated, "Aren't you guys allowed to do anything else? You said you were all pointless when the ship was flying along, so why don't you all just go off and do something else and come back when there's an emergency?"
"Bekaus Star Fleet are also borink."
"This is an illogical conversation." Spock replied. "Officers are required to stay at their stations because of Star Fleet regulation #2649476395663489374."
"You ignore all the other Star Fleet regulations."
"That's only when Kirk is in Command."
"That's illogical."
"That is my saying. No-one can say it like I." Spock's voice laced with copyright protection.
"Wow. He has copyright software installed." McCoy muttered to Mr. Kyle.
"Yes, but it's Microsoft. It's got to crash sometime. Then his logic will be ours!"
Both of them cackled evilly before Spock turned and did a Vulcan-glare at them (which mainly involves staring at the victim completely blankly).
"So, you're saying that Kirk can break every regulation in the book but his crew can't?"
"Technically speaking, yes." Sulu replied, "he's like...a loophole."
"No, he's a ceiling tile." Suitcase corrected him. The Asian looked confused.
"He's a human being."
Cabbage jumped in at that point, "yes, but on our planet his name is ceiling tile. And we've spent enough chapters talking about this so shut up!"
"Vhat chapters?" Chekov asked, mildly confused.
"Never mind. Let's just get to Rancid Oatmeal IV."
Cabbage stopped talking as a voice from somewhere announced: "Commercial Break!"
Voice from somewhere: ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT HOW MUCH PLASMA YOUR STAR SHIP IS LEAKING? THEN CHECK OUT THE NEW TECHNOBABBLY THING THAT DOES TECHNOBABBLY THINGS TO YOUR ENGINE! COMING TO A STAR BASE NEAR YOU!
"That was weird...what was that?" Rand asked.
"Where do you think Star Fleet gets it funding from?"
"But why would WE advertise when there's no-one here but us? It's not like we're on TV or anything."
Cabbage shrugged and looked away like people do when they don't want to admit things, "whatever."
~~
"Approaching Rancid Oatmeal IV. Going into orbit...eww! What's that smell?" Sulu announced.
"Well, the planet is called Rancid Oatmeal." Suitcase arched it's...luggage handle, "it makes sense that it would smell a bit."
"But it's made from vater." Chekov countered, "frozen vater."
"Ice." Some Red Shirt corrected him.
"No, frozen vater."
"No, Ice-"
"Shut up meaningless person who vill be dead by the end of the episo...day, vill be dead by the end of the DAY."
"Why will he be dead?" Cabbage asked, "wait, never mind, I don't want to know. Right. Okay, Uhura, hail them."
"Who?"
"Grand Curtain Rail the Sixth. She's the head diplomatic person thingy."
"Grand Curtain Rail the Sixth...okay...what happens if I can't get through to her?"
"Try the Curtains."
"The who?"
"The Curtains. They're a pair of identical twins. Curtain and Curtain-Who- Isn't-Curtain. But mostly people call them the Curtains."
"This makes no sense."
"Why?"
"Well, I've heard of satire, but this is ridiculous..."
"Have you ever heard of a pair of curtains who aren't a pair of curtains but are actually only one curtain? I think not." Cabbage sat on a Ocelot who had appeared behind her, "Okay! Let's get talkin' to the curtains!"
Everyone stared.
~~
~~
Bug: I know, I was just talking to you like you were Kirk.
Mimi: Ah, thought it had something to do with Q.
~~
"Co-ordinates set. It'll take us about three days at Warp Seven to get to...er...Rancid Oatmeal IV." Sulu tapped in a few meaningless calculations into his console, then looked back at Spock, who was seated in the Command Chair. Kirk was still out cold.
The pony was standing beside him, munching Smarties out of a pale hanging off the left arm of the chair.
"Why can't you just go straight there at Warp Nine?" Cabbage asked Scotty. He turned to her and took a deep breath.
"COS THEY JUST CAN'T DO IT LASS! THE TECHNOBABBLE JUS' WON'T ALLOW IT! SHE CANNAE DO IT, SHE JUST DOESN'T HAVE THE POWER! I CANNAE CHANGE THE LAWS OF PHYSICS!"
Cabbage blinked a few times, then very pointedly stuck one finger in her ear and swizled it around a few times, generating that weird cartoon-sound, "ooooookkkkaaaayyy...what do you guys DO for three days?"
"Ve...ve..." Chekov blinked, "good qvestion. Usually ve just sit here and stare at the screen. I push pointless buttons, Uhura hums, Sulu....does somethink too, and Kirk and Spock and McCoy argue."
"That sounds boring." Snapped Chocolate-and-Cheese, "and completely pointless."
"Velcome to our vorld." Was Chekov's returned view.
"Your world is boring." Suitcase stated, "Aren't you guys allowed to do anything else? You said you were all pointless when the ship was flying along, so why don't you all just go off and do something else and come back when there's an emergency?"
"Bekaus Star Fleet are also borink."
"This is an illogical conversation." Spock replied. "Officers are required to stay at their stations because of Star Fleet regulation #2649476395663489374."
"You ignore all the other Star Fleet regulations."
"That's only when Kirk is in Command."
"That's illogical."
"That is my saying. No-one can say it like I." Spock's voice laced with copyright protection.
"Wow. He has copyright software installed." McCoy muttered to Mr. Kyle.
"Yes, but it's Microsoft. It's got to crash sometime. Then his logic will be ours!"
Both of them cackled evilly before Spock turned and did a Vulcan-glare at them (which mainly involves staring at the victim completely blankly).
"So, you're saying that Kirk can break every regulation in the book but his crew can't?"
"Technically speaking, yes." Sulu replied, "he's like...a loophole."
"No, he's a ceiling tile." Suitcase corrected him. The Asian looked confused.
"He's a human being."
Cabbage jumped in at that point, "yes, but on our planet his name is ceiling tile. And we've spent enough chapters talking about this so shut up!"
"Vhat chapters?" Chekov asked, mildly confused.
"Never mind. Let's just get to Rancid Oatmeal IV."
Cabbage stopped talking as a voice from somewhere announced: "Commercial Break!"
Voice from somewhere: ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT HOW MUCH PLASMA YOUR STAR SHIP IS LEAKING? THEN CHECK OUT THE NEW TECHNOBABBLY THING THAT DOES TECHNOBABBLY THINGS TO YOUR ENGINE! COMING TO A STAR BASE NEAR YOU!
"That was weird...what was that?" Rand asked.
"Where do you think Star Fleet gets it funding from?"
"But why would WE advertise when there's no-one here but us? It's not like we're on TV or anything."
Cabbage shrugged and looked away like people do when they don't want to admit things, "whatever."
~~
"Approaching Rancid Oatmeal IV. Going into orbit...eww! What's that smell?" Sulu announced.
"Well, the planet is called Rancid Oatmeal." Suitcase arched it's...luggage handle, "it makes sense that it would smell a bit."
"But it's made from vater." Chekov countered, "frozen vater."
"Ice." Some Red Shirt corrected him.
"No, frozen vater."
"No, Ice-"
"Shut up meaningless person who vill be dead by the end of the episo...day, vill be dead by the end of the DAY."
"Why will he be dead?" Cabbage asked, "wait, never mind, I don't want to know. Right. Okay, Uhura, hail them."
"Who?"
"Grand Curtain Rail the Sixth. She's the head diplomatic person thingy."
"Grand Curtain Rail the Sixth...okay...what happens if I can't get through to her?"
"Try the Curtains."
"The who?"
"The Curtains. They're a pair of identical twins. Curtain and Curtain-Who- Isn't-Curtain. But mostly people call them the Curtains."
"This makes no sense."
"Why?"
"Well, I've heard of satire, but this is ridiculous..."
"Have you ever heard of a pair of curtains who aren't a pair of curtains but are actually only one curtain? I think not." Cabbage sat on a Ocelot who had appeared behind her, "Okay! Let's get talkin' to the curtains!"
Everyone stared.
~~