Author's Notes.... Uhm... I know Christmas is long gone, but I've been
really lazy with my writing lately, and I felt I had to get this done-
finish it and be over with it forever. So get in a time machine and go back
to Dec. 24, 2003, and mebbe you'll still enjoy this... I'm really sorry...
The ending is a little rushed.... Why did I even bother? Oh well. It's
finished. It's off my chest. .
Two days later, on Christmas Eve, Jet, Spike, Faye, and Ed were all ready and waiting for their man at Tharsis Mall, the biggest mall on Mars, the very same one where Spike first caused his commotion. There was a good chance this would be his last hit, and then he would fade away. It could be their last chance to catch him. Ed and Jet stood in the ungodly long line, with Faye positioned near the Santa's workshop scene, dressed in the same elf uniforms Spike had seen before.
"Come on, Spike," she urged, knocking on the locker room door. "We have to hurry, or we'll miss the bounty!" When there was no answer, she pounded harder. "Spike! Let's get going already!" Still silence. "That fuzzy headed..." She grabbed the handle and barged in, announcing, "I'm coming in there!"
In the room, Spike was standing still, staring into the full length mirror and looking rather depressed. Faye couldn't hold back her laughter for a second; she didn't even bother trying. Within seconds, she had fallen to her knees, convulsing in hysterics.
Spike seemed dazed. "I look..."
"Hilarious!" Faye provided. "Well, you insisted that you weren't going to stand in that line again..."
He was dressed in the elf uniform, his long green hair only adding to the comedy by tufting out from beneath his pointed cap. His vest barely fit him, and the red stripes of the shirt beneath created a bizarre illusion on such a slender man. "For crying out loud, Faye!" he shouted, suddenly angry. "I'm wearing a skirt!"
Faye giggled, brushing tears out of her eyes. "Well, it was either that or the men's hot shorts... but there were no guys outfits left. Besides, those tights are..." she sniggered "...very... becoming."
He sighed and sunk to the floor. "No bounty is worth this..."
"Oh, shut up, like anyone is going to recognize you. Now come on, you're going out there, even if I have to drag you with me by that mop on your head!"
Meanwhile, Jet was waiting with Edward in line, looking for the man to make his move. The queue was positioned, fortunately enough, so that those in it could see both doors to the employee's rooms, the Santa's Workshop setup, and one of the mall's many exits. Jet felt good about this one- it was nearly time to collect his Christmas bonus.
"But Jet..." Edward whined, tugging on his shirt.
"Eh?"
"Edward already talked to Santa!"
Jet laughed quietly. "Naw, Ed, this isn't the real deal. He's a phoney, and we gotta catch him to get his bounty."
"Ohh..." Ed said with a nod. "So he's the real bad guy!"
"You got it."
"And Jet?"
"Yes?"
"Why is Spike wearing a dress?" she asked, pointing towards the Christmas display.
Jet burst out laughing when he saw his partner dressed as an elf. He and Faye were busy at work, assisting old man Kringle with the kids. Spike was crimson red from blushing, and Faye kept sneaking looks at him and snickering. Jet suddenly stopped his laughter as Faye caught his eye.
"Hey..." he thought aloud. "She looks pretty good..."
"Jet!" Edward scolded, pointing a finger at him. "We are not here to gawk at Faye-Faye," she said very properly, raising her nose, trying to look prim and proper.
"Er- right. They should be changing shifts soon. If I timed it right, we'll almost be at the front of the line by then."
Yards away, Faye escorted children back and forth with a plastic smile, while Spike passed out candy canes, making it quite obvious that he did not want to be doing this.
"Come on, Spike, smile!" Faye urged aggressively.
Spike shot her a poisonous look. "I'm here, and I'm in the outfit. You honestly think you can ask more from me?" He shoved his palm out, hostilely offering candy to a boy without so much as looking at him.
Faye rolled her eyes. "Not for me, for the kids." She walked away, bringing the boy back to his mother.
Spike shook his head. "Faye Valentine being nice to kids... This is definitely a weird season."
Out of the corner of his real eye, Spike noticed the employee door swing open. He suddenly felt very relieved. Nobody will be laughing at him while he's kicking ass.
"Your times up," he told the man in the chair. He thanked him and left as a new batch of elves made their way to their positions. One of them tapped Spike on the shoulder.
"Beat it," he instructed, not even bothering to turn.
"Huh?" a boy replied, dumbfounded.
"I mean I've got it covered. You can take a longer break."
"Oh..." the young man paused and thought for a moment. "Thanks, dude!" he said, deciding this was a good thing, and he left. Faye reacted likewise to her would-be replacement. Just as Jet had predicted, they were nearly up to go by now.
Faye joined Spike in leaning against the armrests of Santa's seat as they waited for the Man in Red's arrival.
"Almost time... I'd bet he's back there stealing a costume right now," she mused.
"Think he's already got the camera credit system rigged?"
"Doubt it. Then why we he even bother coming out here?"
"Ah, right. So we wait for him to fiddle with the machine, then we act."
Faye shrugged. "Sounds like a plan to me."
"So what exactly are Ed and Jet supposed to be doing?"
Faye turned to look him in the eye. "What?"
"Why are they even here? Are they helping at all?"
She blinked for a moment. "Say..." she replied slowly, but angrily. "You're right!"
"Oh- oh, damn it!" He grabbed his cap and attempted to tug it down past his hair.
"I know! That's not-"
"Not that!" he interrupted. "That girl!" He pointed at an elf standing behind the camera.
The Redhead.
"So?" Faye snorted. "What about her?"
Spike growled in frustration. "She was here last time- she was the- Oh..." he stopped himself in mid-sentence.
"Her?" Faye asked with a laugh. "She gave you that bruise? Pathetic, Spike!"
"Shut up!" he snapped. "The point is, she'll recognize me, and then we're screwed!"
Too late. Their loud arguing had attracted her attention. She paced over to him, staring with wide, unbelieving eyes.
"You?!"
Spike grinned and laughed nervously. "Yo, Red..."
The girl clasped a hand over her forehead. "What in the Hell are you doing here?!"
"I just wanted to... you know, apologize, for, uh, everything I did last time."
"He offered to some work for the mall to pay for the damages," Faye offered quickly.
Spike nodded.
The girl groaned and rubbed her temples. "Okay... Just... just don't do anything weird again..." She walked away mumbling to herself.
"Saved your ass..." Faye muttered.
"No time for thanks just yet." He pointed at the door behind them. "Here comes our head."
She looked in the direction indicted, and sure enough, here he came. He was a tall, fat man; a build to look the part of Santa Claus. His gut hung out over the poorly worn belt, covered by a coat that looked to small for him. His looked sullen and groggy, as if he had just awoken with a hangover- which he very well might have. His fake beard sat on his chin awkwardly, and his small glasses stuck out strangely on his face.
"Alright, let's get this over with." He shoved the red headed elf away from the camera. "Did you set the shutter speed the way I asked?"
"Well..." she stared down at her shoes. "I- I mean I tried, but that particular model doesn't seem to-"
"Idiot!" he shouted, and began working with the computer hooked up to the camera.
Faye and Spike both looked back at Jet. He nodded and Ed flashed them a thumbs-up. They both rose and removed concealed weapons from inside their elf-coats, two pistols. While Kris Kringle was turned about, they both aimed level with his head as they strode closer to him. There was panic at the North Pole again. Santa didn't even look up from his work.
Red began to shout. "You lying shi-"
Spike pointed his gun to quiet her. "Stay out of it.. This time I know I've got the right guy."
Still, she protested. "This is ridiculous! How dare you show up here with a gun again!"
"Shut UP!" Spike barked. "Do you work this shift every day?"
"I- What?"
"Do you work this shift every day?" he demanded again.
"Well... Yes!"
"Have you ever seen this guy before? Do you think he's a good boss?"
That shut her up. He turned his attention to the bounty head again. Surprisingly, he was still busy at work.
"Hey, you!" Faye cried, kicking his shin.
"Busy..." he mumbled, his eyes glazed over, monitor reflecting off his glasses.
Faye fired a shot into the air. The plaza was almost cleared out by then. The mall security was anxious to move in- they were presumably calling the SWAT team. "Listen to me!" she commanded. Now she had his attention.
"Who- God damn it!" he cursed, raising his hands. "Damned cowboys!"
"That's right," Faye replied wickedly. "And now we've got you."
His eyes shifted his left and right.
"Don't try anything stupid," Spike warned.
Santa paid no attention. He suddenly grabbed the camera tripod and swung it, knocking Faye, Spike, and the girl all over in one motion. As they struggled to get themselves upright, he took off. He didn't get far though, and flew face first into the dirty tile with a streak of curses after tripping over one of Jet's extended legs.
"There arose such a clatter..." Jet smiled, laughing at his own joke.
Seconds later, Spike had the barrel of his Jericho pressed up against the man's back. "That was very stupid," he chided. Faye sighed in relief, lighting up a smoke.
"Ah, miss-"
"Don't even start with me, Missy," Faye grumbled around a cigarette.
Within a few hours, the crew had assembled themselves in the main room of the Bebop. Edward has spasmodically decorated everything in colors of red and green, with help from Jet, and even a little from Spike and Faye. With the money from the head, they had enough to cover charges from the mall, buy a decent dinner, restock some groceries, and even buy small gifts for each other. Jet had assembled one of his bonsai trees on the table, hung tinsel on it, and distributed the presents about the surface. Ein was trotting about the room, wearing a green elf cap, while Ed followed him around in a red one. Faye hummed carols to herself on the chair, flipping through a magazine, with Jet in the kitchen making dinner.
Spike walked in the room, changed back into his normal clothes, flopped down on the couch. He grabbed a shopping catalogue off the floor, opened it, and draped it across his face, resting his arms behind his head and laying down. He exhaled contentedly.
"And to all a good night..."
Two days later, on Christmas Eve, Jet, Spike, Faye, and Ed were all ready and waiting for their man at Tharsis Mall, the biggest mall on Mars, the very same one where Spike first caused his commotion. There was a good chance this would be his last hit, and then he would fade away. It could be their last chance to catch him. Ed and Jet stood in the ungodly long line, with Faye positioned near the Santa's workshop scene, dressed in the same elf uniforms Spike had seen before.
"Come on, Spike," she urged, knocking on the locker room door. "We have to hurry, or we'll miss the bounty!" When there was no answer, she pounded harder. "Spike! Let's get going already!" Still silence. "That fuzzy headed..." She grabbed the handle and barged in, announcing, "I'm coming in there!"
In the room, Spike was standing still, staring into the full length mirror and looking rather depressed. Faye couldn't hold back her laughter for a second; she didn't even bother trying. Within seconds, she had fallen to her knees, convulsing in hysterics.
Spike seemed dazed. "I look..."
"Hilarious!" Faye provided. "Well, you insisted that you weren't going to stand in that line again..."
He was dressed in the elf uniform, his long green hair only adding to the comedy by tufting out from beneath his pointed cap. His vest barely fit him, and the red stripes of the shirt beneath created a bizarre illusion on such a slender man. "For crying out loud, Faye!" he shouted, suddenly angry. "I'm wearing a skirt!"
Faye giggled, brushing tears out of her eyes. "Well, it was either that or the men's hot shorts... but there were no guys outfits left. Besides, those tights are..." she sniggered "...very... becoming."
He sighed and sunk to the floor. "No bounty is worth this..."
"Oh, shut up, like anyone is going to recognize you. Now come on, you're going out there, even if I have to drag you with me by that mop on your head!"
Meanwhile, Jet was waiting with Edward in line, looking for the man to make his move. The queue was positioned, fortunately enough, so that those in it could see both doors to the employee's rooms, the Santa's Workshop setup, and one of the mall's many exits. Jet felt good about this one- it was nearly time to collect his Christmas bonus.
"But Jet..." Edward whined, tugging on his shirt.
"Eh?"
"Edward already talked to Santa!"
Jet laughed quietly. "Naw, Ed, this isn't the real deal. He's a phoney, and we gotta catch him to get his bounty."
"Ohh..." Ed said with a nod. "So he's the real bad guy!"
"You got it."
"And Jet?"
"Yes?"
"Why is Spike wearing a dress?" she asked, pointing towards the Christmas display.
Jet burst out laughing when he saw his partner dressed as an elf. He and Faye were busy at work, assisting old man Kringle with the kids. Spike was crimson red from blushing, and Faye kept sneaking looks at him and snickering. Jet suddenly stopped his laughter as Faye caught his eye.
"Hey..." he thought aloud. "She looks pretty good..."
"Jet!" Edward scolded, pointing a finger at him. "We are not here to gawk at Faye-Faye," she said very properly, raising her nose, trying to look prim and proper.
"Er- right. They should be changing shifts soon. If I timed it right, we'll almost be at the front of the line by then."
Yards away, Faye escorted children back and forth with a plastic smile, while Spike passed out candy canes, making it quite obvious that he did not want to be doing this.
"Come on, Spike, smile!" Faye urged aggressively.
Spike shot her a poisonous look. "I'm here, and I'm in the outfit. You honestly think you can ask more from me?" He shoved his palm out, hostilely offering candy to a boy without so much as looking at him.
Faye rolled her eyes. "Not for me, for the kids." She walked away, bringing the boy back to his mother.
Spike shook his head. "Faye Valentine being nice to kids... This is definitely a weird season."
Out of the corner of his real eye, Spike noticed the employee door swing open. He suddenly felt very relieved. Nobody will be laughing at him while he's kicking ass.
"Your times up," he told the man in the chair. He thanked him and left as a new batch of elves made their way to their positions. One of them tapped Spike on the shoulder.
"Beat it," he instructed, not even bothering to turn.
"Huh?" a boy replied, dumbfounded.
"I mean I've got it covered. You can take a longer break."
"Oh..." the young man paused and thought for a moment. "Thanks, dude!" he said, deciding this was a good thing, and he left. Faye reacted likewise to her would-be replacement. Just as Jet had predicted, they were nearly up to go by now.
Faye joined Spike in leaning against the armrests of Santa's seat as they waited for the Man in Red's arrival.
"Almost time... I'd bet he's back there stealing a costume right now," she mused.
"Think he's already got the camera credit system rigged?"
"Doubt it. Then why we he even bother coming out here?"
"Ah, right. So we wait for him to fiddle with the machine, then we act."
Faye shrugged. "Sounds like a plan to me."
"So what exactly are Ed and Jet supposed to be doing?"
Faye turned to look him in the eye. "What?"
"Why are they even here? Are they helping at all?"
She blinked for a moment. "Say..." she replied slowly, but angrily. "You're right!"
"Oh- oh, damn it!" He grabbed his cap and attempted to tug it down past his hair.
"I know! That's not-"
"Not that!" he interrupted. "That girl!" He pointed at an elf standing behind the camera.
The Redhead.
"So?" Faye snorted. "What about her?"
Spike growled in frustration. "She was here last time- she was the- Oh..." he stopped himself in mid-sentence.
"Her?" Faye asked with a laugh. "She gave you that bruise? Pathetic, Spike!"
"Shut up!" he snapped. "The point is, she'll recognize me, and then we're screwed!"
Too late. Their loud arguing had attracted her attention. She paced over to him, staring with wide, unbelieving eyes.
"You?!"
Spike grinned and laughed nervously. "Yo, Red..."
The girl clasped a hand over her forehead. "What in the Hell are you doing here?!"
"I just wanted to... you know, apologize, for, uh, everything I did last time."
"He offered to some work for the mall to pay for the damages," Faye offered quickly.
Spike nodded.
The girl groaned and rubbed her temples. "Okay... Just... just don't do anything weird again..." She walked away mumbling to herself.
"Saved your ass..." Faye muttered.
"No time for thanks just yet." He pointed at the door behind them. "Here comes our head."
She looked in the direction indicted, and sure enough, here he came. He was a tall, fat man; a build to look the part of Santa Claus. His gut hung out over the poorly worn belt, covered by a coat that looked to small for him. His looked sullen and groggy, as if he had just awoken with a hangover- which he very well might have. His fake beard sat on his chin awkwardly, and his small glasses stuck out strangely on his face.
"Alright, let's get this over with." He shoved the red headed elf away from the camera. "Did you set the shutter speed the way I asked?"
"Well..." she stared down at her shoes. "I- I mean I tried, but that particular model doesn't seem to-"
"Idiot!" he shouted, and began working with the computer hooked up to the camera.
Faye and Spike both looked back at Jet. He nodded and Ed flashed them a thumbs-up. They both rose and removed concealed weapons from inside their elf-coats, two pistols. While Kris Kringle was turned about, they both aimed level with his head as they strode closer to him. There was panic at the North Pole again. Santa didn't even look up from his work.
Red began to shout. "You lying shi-"
Spike pointed his gun to quiet her. "Stay out of it.. This time I know I've got the right guy."
Still, she protested. "This is ridiculous! How dare you show up here with a gun again!"
"Shut UP!" Spike barked. "Do you work this shift every day?"
"I- What?"
"Do you work this shift every day?" he demanded again.
"Well... Yes!"
"Have you ever seen this guy before? Do you think he's a good boss?"
That shut her up. He turned his attention to the bounty head again. Surprisingly, he was still busy at work.
"Hey, you!" Faye cried, kicking his shin.
"Busy..." he mumbled, his eyes glazed over, monitor reflecting off his glasses.
Faye fired a shot into the air. The plaza was almost cleared out by then. The mall security was anxious to move in- they were presumably calling the SWAT team. "Listen to me!" she commanded. Now she had his attention.
"Who- God damn it!" he cursed, raising his hands. "Damned cowboys!"
"That's right," Faye replied wickedly. "And now we've got you."
His eyes shifted his left and right.
"Don't try anything stupid," Spike warned.
Santa paid no attention. He suddenly grabbed the camera tripod and swung it, knocking Faye, Spike, and the girl all over in one motion. As they struggled to get themselves upright, he took off. He didn't get far though, and flew face first into the dirty tile with a streak of curses after tripping over one of Jet's extended legs.
"There arose such a clatter..." Jet smiled, laughing at his own joke.
Seconds later, Spike had the barrel of his Jericho pressed up against the man's back. "That was very stupid," he chided. Faye sighed in relief, lighting up a smoke.
"Ah, miss-"
"Don't even start with me, Missy," Faye grumbled around a cigarette.
Within a few hours, the crew had assembled themselves in the main room of the Bebop. Edward has spasmodically decorated everything in colors of red and green, with help from Jet, and even a little from Spike and Faye. With the money from the head, they had enough to cover charges from the mall, buy a decent dinner, restock some groceries, and even buy small gifts for each other. Jet had assembled one of his bonsai trees on the table, hung tinsel on it, and distributed the presents about the surface. Ein was trotting about the room, wearing a green elf cap, while Ed followed him around in a red one. Faye hummed carols to herself on the chair, flipping through a magazine, with Jet in the kitchen making dinner.
Spike walked in the room, changed back into his normal clothes, flopped down on the couch. He grabbed a shopping catalogue off the floor, opened it, and draped it across his face, resting his arms behind his head and laying down. He exhaled contentedly.
"And to all a good night..."