Jim is just acting like a moron- and as a result, we get to have fun. :-)
Lou Serbio: One thing I didn't get was Jim's thought of "I f*cked myself. I truly did." Why did he think that? - Well, because if hadn't told Chris to give Ole' David a chance, she probably wouldn't have given him a chance. As a result, he did, and he ended up fucking himself. ;-)
So read on, enjoy, and don't kill me when you finish this chapter.
Part IV: In Which Chris Gets a New Partner
Friday morning found me on the green, rifle in my hand, mind whirling because the ever available Mandy had decided to put on the breaks and try to 'go more slowly'.
Which meant Jim got no sex and now had to court a girl that I was sure was perfectly lovely in her own right - but looking for a commitment.
Which I think, we've already established, I am nowhere near ready for.
So now, I was contemplating whether or not to break it off with her now, or wait a couple dates, see if sex was forthcoming, and break it off later.
And while I was trying to decide between these truly virtuous choices, Chris found me, smile lighting up her face as she plopped down next to me, shaded by the tree in the crisp morning air.
"God!" she yelped, raising her butt off the ground to peer beneath her. "It's still wet!"
"Do you care?" I asked, too lazy to do anything about the bark scratching at my back.
She contemplated, and then finally said, "Nah, not really," before she let her rump fall, nudging me aside for her half of the tree.
"You're early," I commented.
"Yeah," she agreed, squinting into the green, glancing around. "I'm supposed to meet David-" her face froze into an immediate scowl as her mouth sounded out her new partner's name, emphasis on the 'id'. "He asked me about that line thing you taught me."
"The line thing?" I repeated.
"Yeah." Shoving at my shoulder with her own, she motioned with her hand. "You know - the place where you drool!"
I widened my grin. "I know - but I want you to know."
"Asshole." Waggling my eyebrows wickedly, I held my ground, letting her bump me one more time, until she was almost in my lap. "Well, you don't need to know what it is to shoot it."
"I can't believe he wants to learn how to shoot somebody in the face."
"Hey - I'm doing this for you, okay Street? You told me to find a way to work with this guy and-"
"We're back to being partners, I know." I grinned. "Doesn't mean I don't feel sorry for you."
"Well, he can't be all super great, he's late," she answered, glancing down at her watch. It was a nice moment, despite the fallen leaf in her hair, and I picked it out easily enough, smoothing back a small bang that had fallen loose from her face.
"You have a thing with hair," she said flatly.
I paused, fingers frozen between strands. "What?"
"You're always picking at my hair. I've noticed that. You have a hair fetish."
She said it matter-of-factly, almost resigned, as if she knew it was going to happen, and was perfectly okay with it.
As if I had a perfect right to be massaging her strands.
So I let them stay there, initial embarrassment washed away by the frank look of understanding, the intimate moment where there was me and Chris on an empty field, sitting under a tree, body against mine and fingers tangled in hair.
Seriously. I'm turning into such a girl.
"Listen..." Dropping her bangs, I shifted a little, so I was facing her, glancing from the green, and back to her smile. "What are you doing tonight?"
Her mouth quirked slightly, almost pulled into an expression that was gone too quickly for me to see.
"Are you missing out on our bonding time?"
Almost singsong - she loved to tease. It seemed at times that I amused Chris - that she found humor in everything I did, from the way I spoke to woman to how I tried to ask her out.
Either that or she was just purposely dense.
At the moment I thought it was former, I realize now - it was the latter. Chris is a guy.
"SANCHEZ!"
We weren't alone anymore. David ran up to us, grey shirt drenched with sweat and smile bright on his face as he held up two rifles. "I apologize for being late. I got here early to run, and then-"
"You got here earlier than this?"
"I try to run five miles before training if I can help it."
I was really starting not to like this guy. It was like he was a self winding timer when it came to me and Chris.
"Morning, Jim."
Sighing, I leaned forward, pushing myself up with my rifle and taking his once again outstretched hand. "Morning, David."
If he noticed the unusual emphasis on the 'id' part of it, he was too polite to say much.
"Allright then, you ready?" Chris asked, and without thinking both of us had our hands out, ready to lift her to us.
Presented with such chivalrousness, Chris only blinked, glancing between both palms and rolling her eyes, poking at each with her rifle before she got up easily.
To David she gave just as uneasy smile - I got a look that clearly indicated she thought I should plead temporary insanity.
All I could do was shrug.
"Okay then, see you later, Street," she said, turning with Borress. "Let's go, Dave."
And that's how they left me, her walking toward the shooting range, rifle in hand, quick, purposeful steps, and him following after her like a puppy, my offer to go out that night completely forgotten.
"It's David."
"Dave? Shut up - It's Dave to me."
"But I really prefer-"
"Dave?"
"Yes..."
"Shut up."
I really should have known.
--
Now, I have to admit, despite the disturbing penchant for politeness
and chivalry, David Burress had the makings of a good SWAT officer. Not
a great one, but one that could stick around for a few years.
After about a week of being without a partner and watching Chris take his shit, it wasn't really an observation I wanted to make.
Deke and Boxer had a bet going on when Chris would actually snap and beat his pansy ass, but for some inane reason, it never happened.
I don't know who changed, him or her, but all of a sudden they managed to get through a day without Chris threatening to kill him.
It wasn't funny anymore.
Sure, she still sat next to me during the debriefing and training sessions, and sure, we still got our smiles and jokes, but every time she sat down, there was damned David Burress right on the other side of her, asking her questions and making really stupid jokes that at first made her stare at him blankly, two days later made her smile, and this morning made her actually laugh.
I was actually pissed for once that Hondo was late. I had been sitting there for about five minutes without even a look from her, because damned David Burress was telling her some shit story about a missionary trip he took to the Philippines when he was fourteen that 'changed his life'. I have no idea what the hell caused me to do it, but suddenly I was snorting, making some joke about Americans and kidnapping and prostitutes.
I don't know what I said. I know it was stupid, and soon as the words slipped out of my mouth I wanted to crawl into a hole, but I just sat there with this idiotic stupid grin while everyone in the room looked at me like I had a grown a second head - Chris included.
David took the moment to excuse himself, his way of saying he had to go pee, and for once, I actually had my partner back.
"What the hell was that?" she snapped as soon as he walked out of the door.
"I don't know," I mumbled.
"That was tasteless, Street," Chris continued, eyes narrowing.
"Left a stank in my mouth," Deke agreed.
"Right - and I'm the only one not allowed to make tasteless jokes around here?" I asked, defensive and willing to defend my horrible, offensive joke to the end, "Yesterday, Boxer was talking about midgets and circus clowns."
"But that was funny," he threw in, relaxed in the last row, winking slightly.
Damned Deke broke out into chuckles, reliving the moment. "That was funny, man."
Through all of this, Chris continued to look at me, a strange glare on her face, like for the first time ever, she didn't quite understand me.
"Look, Street - I know Dave is a lot to take sometimes, but, he's running through his final simulation today. He's nervous-"
Apparently, the amazingly huge foot in my mouth didn't feel it had been prevalent enough today, because the fact that Chris was defending David Burress against ME just seemed a little too much to take, when a week ago she nearly clobbered him on the driving range. So I opened my mouth and turned into a typical, jerky guy.
"Sanchez, I don't need a lecture from you, okay? I'm not the rookie here."
And of course, Deke had to go and make it worse by making his little squeal and 'DAYAM' that played over Chris' face as the words processed through her. I was an ass. A total ass, and she obviously felt it so keenly that she turned, eyes on the desk, shifting her body until it was away from me.
"Fuck you, Street," she said finally, in a low and final tone.
"Chris-"
But of course that's when David came back to an unusually quiet room, and Hondo was right behind him, and since Chris was no longer my partner and not exactly a guy, I couldn't talk to her in the final simulation and I couldn't get near her in the locker room.
All in all - a truly horrible fucking day that was about to get worse. Remember when Chris mentioned David's final simulation?
Well - normally the whole team would have to go through an entire test, but since David was already a company hero thanks to the stunt he pulled with the Captain's daughter, and the fact that rest of us were considered the best SWAT team they had - all David had to do was a test on his own, judged by the rest of us.
Naturally, because Chris ran through it as his partner and Chris is one of the best fucking partners a guy could have, he passed through it fine, and even though he didn't curse or shove, he had quick reflexes and was a damned good shot. Sometimes, that's all that matters.
When we heard that David had passed the simulation, he and Chris got this huge ass smile and smacked palms and did some stupid thing with their fingers, before he called her 'partner' and seriously invaded her personal space by giving her a hug. My only real consolation was that when he did that, Sanchez gave him the same 'you're an alien' stare she had been giving me all day.
In celebration for his momentous achievement, we were supposed to go to the bar, even though David made this huge protest because he didn't drink beer. Fucker.
For about half an hour I sat in the locker room by myself, debating whether or not to go, before I realized, hey, who was I kidding - of course I was going to go, because I needed to get back on Chris' good side before the next week, because that was when I was getting my partner back and the last thing I needed was Chris' cold shoulder and frosty glare. It's deadly as hell.
By the time I got there, everyone was in their usual spot. In mine sat David, posture rigid, a small, "I'm not sure I get what's so fun about this" smile on his face and a soda water in his hand, smiling at Chris while Deke was on the tail end of some story about a condom.
"Hey, Street what's up?" Boxer said, grinning as he cocked his beer bottle at me. Deke also gave me his own greeting, a slap of his palm against mine with a lazy nod.
I could really give a shit about anyone but Chris, whose laughter died in her throat immediately, before she glanced away and took a long swig of her bottle.
Like the military man I was, I had a plan, and a big part of that was not to be an ass just because I couldn't stand David Burress. So I pasted a smile on my face and extended my palm, shaking his hand warmly and saying awkwardly, "Congratulations, man, welcome to the team."
"Thank you," he said, surprise stilting his tone before he smiled and shook my hand harder. "Thanks."
That done, I turned my attention to my partner. "Hey... can I talk to you for a sec?"
Once again, Deke and Boxer were watching this like they could have been sharing a tub of popcorn, and once again, I made the mental note to kick their asses.
But Sanchez' look was cool, processing my face and my apologetic stance, before she murmured, "Sure" and rose out of her seat, moving around me to the other side of the bar.
Deke's expression, rounded eyes, mouth open, would have been amusing if it didn't irritate me so much. "She didn't even curse, dog."
Boxer shivered and took another gulp of beer. "Your funeral, Street."
"Thanks for the support," I muttered, swiveling on my foot and following her lithe body through the crowds to the bar, where she now stood, elbows on the wood, fingers trailing the rim of her beer bottle.
I'm sure I had come up with something, some apology or speech - but for the life of me, I couldn't remember what it was. I ended up moving next to her, picking up a cocktail napkin and tearing it to shreds, staring at the white bits of paper while I tried to come up with anything to say to her.
Finally, I just couldn't stand the silence, and I blurted, "Sanchez, look-"
"It's okay, Jim." Her interruption was unexpected, eyes brown and gentle, and unlike I had ever seen her before. "I mean, it's really not - but everyone's allowed to have an asshole day - you included."
"It's not all right," I managed, cutting through my surprise and edging closer, her elbow digging into my chest. "Listen, Chris, I don't know what came over me, but-"
"Fuck, Jim, the only reason I even gave him a chance is because of you."
I blinked, red flush coming over my features, mouth falling open. "Yeah..."
She smiled, eyes rolling in that way she does when she's amused against her will, and she continued, "Just stop running your mouth off before you think, all right? The only one allowed to have outbursts and fits is me."
I couldn't help the grin, warm feeling seeping into my stomach as I gently tapped at her chin, an affectionate gesture she was expecting. "At any rate, come Monday, I'll have my partner back and everything will go back-"
"Actually, two weeks."
I blinked, mouth falling open. "What?"
"Two weeks," she said again. "David asked Hondo if I could stay on as his partner a little longer until he felt more comfortable with the procedures and shit. I said it was fine - I mean he needs the training, and none of us feel like dying if he fucks up, so..."
"Two weeks."
She shrugged, non-committal, like she never told me that she missed me and the only reason she was tolerating his presence was to get back to me as soon as possible.
"You're okay with that?!" I blurted, too surprised to be angry, but getting there damned quickly.
"Sanchez!" Speak of the devil - the mother fucker actually had followed us to the bar, coming up on the other side of her and before I could get her back, Deke and Boxer now had me, slapping at my back and talking about shots.
The fact that I was a guy who never stopped playing cops and robbers doesn't allocate much for my maturity level. I spent the next two hours drinking beers and sulking my ass off, even to the point of begging off Deke and Boxer's constant demands to get me to speak to other girls, citing my 'relationship' with Mandy.
Now why I would bring up Mandy when I hadn't seen her since the second date, I didn't know - but I think we've already established that my mouth had a mind of it's own, because like an ASSHOLE, I said it loud, and Chris just happened to hear. It was enough to make her stop talking to Dickweed David for a second, glancing at me with a questioning arch of her eyebrow, before Dumb David starting talking again, she was swept back into their conversation.
Asshole.
But the beers had made me mellow, and Boxer and Deke were long gone - heading to their families before their wives killed them, so when Chris went to the bathroom, and David and I were alone - I didn't pound the little shit like I should have. I just sat there.
"God... she's..." David took the silence as an invitation for a heart to heart. He shimmied in his chair and gave this stupid happy sigh and grinned at me. "She is absolutely unique, isn't she? I mean, what she's accomplished, and her daughter is just..."
"You've met her daughter?" I barked.
"Yeah, last night," he said, as if this wasn't at all important, and no reason to kill his ass, "I just... I never knew women could be like her."
I considered this, staring into my beer before I finally looked up, eyes glittering with feeling. "So... you got a crush on Chris?"
He at least, looked almost embarrassed by it. "I wouldn't call it a crush, but..."
"Stop it."
"Excuse me?"
Eyes narrowed in a glare, I plonked my beer down, and I said convincingly, "You don't get emotionally involved with your teammates. You treat them like any other guy. Chris is a guy. Stop it."
He blinked, slightly confused, before he readjusted and continued with, "If you haven't noticed, Chris is a remarkable, very attractive woman-"
Oh, Fuck YOU, David.
"David-"
"-who deserves so much more than-"
"David, fuck off," I snapped, and I guess it surprised him, because he closed his mouth, and actually sounded aggravated.
"I'm going to ignore that because you've had more than a couple beers, but cops date each other all the time, and I'm not going to let the fact that we're partners-"
"She's NOT your partner!" Okay, by this time, I have to admit that the bar was getting a little too quiet, but at the moment I was too pissed to care. "She's MY partner."
"Look, Jim - you be the kind of partner you like to be, I'll do the same. Just because you can't see her as a woman, doesn't mean I'm not allowed to."
"The HELL you are," I growled, disgruntled and pissed truly ready to smash the bottle over his head if he even started talking about Chris being a woman again.
He must have sensed it, because his mouth shut, and the vein right below his jaw ticked, and suddenly we were two SWAT guys standing straight up staring at each other with fists.
I was drunk enough to hit him, but that was the moment when Chris pushed through the crowed, processed the scene, and remarked, "What the hell is this?"
I was too pissed to answer much, but Good Ole' Boy Scout DAVID, with his DAMNED prissy manners, gave her a smile and a nod. "Nothing. It's silly."
That smile at Chris was more than I could take. Without a word, I dropped my beer and pushed past them both, ignoring Chris' frown and David's smile.
"Jim, what-"
"I gotta go to the bathroom," I grunted, waving off Chris' confusion and losing myself in the crowds.
It was a really good fucking time to call Mandy.
Later, when the beer had worn off and I had a conversation with a girl that I still can't remember, I began to realize it was about that time to find Chris and head off.
I have no idea why I was so stupid.
For some reason, in my alcohol ridden head, it never occurred to me that Chris wouldn't want to come out for our non-sex date. It was tradition, and being as it had been such a crappy ass day already, the one salvation was a chance to lie on the beach and spend some quality time with my partner Chris.
I looked through the nearly empty bar and she wasn't there, so I went out into the parking lot to find her car, and that was when this truly fucking horrible excuse for a day really became the worst day of my entire life.
I didn't stop, calling her name as I jogged to her car, and it wasn't until I was ten feet away that I realized what the hell I had interrupted.
Startled, flushed, and pressed up against the car, Chris had just been in the middle of kissing David Burress.
End Part IV
Coming Soon- Part V: In Which Jim Seriously Screws Up