A/N: Well, I've decided that this will be one of the last chapters to this
fic.Neither the Mary-Sue or Anna Smith should know what hit 'em. *starts
laughing evilly * The computer starts to look slightly frightened. I had
no idea that any computer could actually display an emotion, but I always
said that mine was smarter than it let on.
Have fun! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! For the umpteenth time, evil laughter is FUN!
Disclaimer: Tolkien owns all of the semi-recognizable characters. The Mary- Sue belongs to whoever wants to claim her. (Just give me the blame, er, credit).
Ps. I have no idea of the name of Thranduil's wife, if anyone does, please let me know. Also, I'm assuming that Legolas was not the oldest son, because I doubt that the Elves of Mirkwood would have allowed him to go traipsing off on that moderately suicidal quest to rid the world of the One Ring. Thank Eru it was successful. I also have no Elvish dictionary.
*********
Anna tried to crack her knuckles, failed, and decided to just start typing.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Legolas and Imahorewen sneaked out of the room. Each was dreamily gazing into the others' eyes. [Time to start on the rescue of Legolas.]
~*~*~*~*~*~
Anna looked on, shocked, as words appeared and started flowing across the monitor's screen.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thranduil had busily held a council of war with his advisors. Knowing that they were powerless against the Mary-Sue's mind control, the various male Elves of Mirkwood turned this task over to their queen. Stalking around the room, the queen, who was most emphatically NOT Thranduil's mistress, began laying plans. The various male Elves were ordered to retreat to Thranduil's halls and abandon the odd structure that they had suddenly found themselves in at the beginning of this incident. Female Elves and their children went with them. Thranduil and his lady, as well as their older son, would take on the responsibility of eradicating this new evil themselves. Legolas, their younger son, was quite obviously under the mind control of this evil wench, otherwise he would never have trusted her, and never have spouted that abortive form of Westron. The plan was rather simple.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Anna looked on in horror at her main character's fate.
"No! This shouldn't have happened! Something, like, wrong is going on here!" Anna squeaked in her somewhat creaky soprano. A figure appeared, speaking in, if not a melodious, certainly a cultured contralto. (I know my voice isn't, as far as singing goes, much good at all, but, honestly, it is a good talking voice.)
"Too right, something drastically wrong is going on in Mirkwood. You, my dear, are the cause of it." This figure had brown hair of a darker color than Anna's, but appeared to be about the same age, and both their features resembled each other.
"What do you mean? I didn't cause anything to happen!"
"Oh?" The figure lifted on eyebrow in a query. "Then what, my dear, would you term your Mary-Sue?"
"My Mary-What?!" Anna, was, if not precisely livid, certainly indignant. The person across from her, on the other hand, seemed completely calm.
"Your Mary-Sue. A Mary-Sue is a." Here the female paused for a minute, and started to leaf through her dictionary.
"Female character possessing all possible favorable traits and abilities with no unfavorable trait or ability to leaven it. She generally has either an awful or marvelous childhood. The character will occasionally come from an invented species, come from a canon species, another realm and/or have an enchantment placed upon her. Upon reaching adulthood, for no reason given whatsoever, she joins canon characters on a documented quest. She will also be far more beautiful than any maiden ever born. She will generally end up not only upstaging canon characters, but cutting all of the scary, annoying, hazardous and interesting parts out of the quest. One or more male characters will be instantly captured by her beauty and fall madly in love or lust with her. The writer forces us to read through several maddeningly saccharine love scenes in which any and all canon characters suddenly slip out of the mode of English they used in the book and are forced into modern English, complete with slang. The characters may also attempt rape.
If the Mary-Sue takes place after documented quest, she may claim to be related to, or the betrothed of any important, interesting and/or good looking canon character. Once again, she will modify the behavior of any and all canon characters she encounters. She will also dramatically change places, language, events and any and all beings in order to make room for herself."
Anna listened to this spiel with slightly glazed eyes. The female noticed this, and kept on talking. "Yes Anna, I know it's long, unwieldy, and rather wordy, but I have reason to believe it's mostly accurate. What will you say in your defense?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Imahorewen and Legolas looked on in shock as Thranduil suddenly appeared. You see, Imahorewen was not only stark naked; she had also managed to divest Legolas of not only his tunic and shirt, but also his weapons. [Admit it now; all you Legolas lusters are happily drowning your keyboards in oceans of drool.] Imahorewen shrieked and ran for the large black stream that she and Legolas had wandered by.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Who the h- are you?"
"My apologies, dear. How careless of me not to introduce myself. I am Sunsong."
"Ok, fine! But what on Earth are you doing here?"
"Saving not only your Mary-Sue, but the two of us from a punishment by the authority higher than us both."
"I don't understand." Anna was not only confused by the vocabulary used by this strange being, but also by the implication that she had not lived a less than blameless life.
"It's very simple. The authority higher than us both is." A dark mist started coiling about the room.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thranduil and his queen not only looked on in satisfaction, but tied up Legolas to prevent him from rescuing the girl. Imahorewen, fell into a deep sleep. Legolas's older brother used her slumbering form for arrow practice until her corpse faded from sight. All that is known is that there is currently one extremely well fed spider that can sing in a perfect soprano.
Legolas turned to face his family. "My parents, my brother, I am ashamed. I know not how I could have acted like such a, a." Trailing off in an attempt to find the proper vocabulary, he gave up and continued, his head down. "Not only that, I am sorry I ignored you so, and mangled Westron so shamefully. I assure you, it is no fault of my tutor's. I know not words for how I feel, but I am so horribly ashamed for the way I have behaved towards all of you.Gimli, I would apologize to you as well, if you can hear me." The dwarf had gone missing ever since the Mary-Sue had arrived. Legolas sighed and trailed off. He was stunned to feel a hand upon his shoulder. Looking up, he was amazed at the understanding and love he could see in his father's face.
His father started to explain. "Legolas, you are not to blame for any actions you performed while being controlled. You are still my son, and if nothing else we all love you-" Thranduil was interrupted by a deep bass voice.
"Apology accepted. I am glad to see that I am remembered."
"Gimli!" Legolas beamed at the sight of one of his dearest friends. Thranduil felt that he had said enough, and turning to his wife, asked her to accompany him. Legolas's older brother had decided to go ahead and spread the good news. Gimli and Legolas stayed by the stream for some time, reminiscing over the quest, the various battles, and amicably arguing over who had the most dead orcs to his credit.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Anna interrupted Sunsong after she had glanced at the screen. "You've ruined my story! I, like, worked so hard on that!" Sunsong, feeling rather put out at the interruption, decided to continue.
"As I was saying, the authority above us both is the Canon."
The mist pounced!
Have fun! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! For the umpteenth time, evil laughter is FUN!
Disclaimer: Tolkien owns all of the semi-recognizable characters. The Mary- Sue belongs to whoever wants to claim her. (Just give me the blame, er, credit).
Ps. I have no idea of the name of Thranduil's wife, if anyone does, please let me know. Also, I'm assuming that Legolas was not the oldest son, because I doubt that the Elves of Mirkwood would have allowed him to go traipsing off on that moderately suicidal quest to rid the world of the One Ring. Thank Eru it was successful. I also have no Elvish dictionary.
*********
Anna tried to crack her knuckles, failed, and decided to just start typing.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Legolas and Imahorewen sneaked out of the room. Each was dreamily gazing into the others' eyes. [Time to start on the rescue of Legolas.]
~*~*~*~*~*~
Anna looked on, shocked, as words appeared and started flowing across the monitor's screen.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thranduil had busily held a council of war with his advisors. Knowing that they were powerless against the Mary-Sue's mind control, the various male Elves of Mirkwood turned this task over to their queen. Stalking around the room, the queen, who was most emphatically NOT Thranduil's mistress, began laying plans. The various male Elves were ordered to retreat to Thranduil's halls and abandon the odd structure that they had suddenly found themselves in at the beginning of this incident. Female Elves and their children went with them. Thranduil and his lady, as well as their older son, would take on the responsibility of eradicating this new evil themselves. Legolas, their younger son, was quite obviously under the mind control of this evil wench, otherwise he would never have trusted her, and never have spouted that abortive form of Westron. The plan was rather simple.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Anna looked on in horror at her main character's fate.
"No! This shouldn't have happened! Something, like, wrong is going on here!" Anna squeaked in her somewhat creaky soprano. A figure appeared, speaking in, if not a melodious, certainly a cultured contralto. (I know my voice isn't, as far as singing goes, much good at all, but, honestly, it is a good talking voice.)
"Too right, something drastically wrong is going on in Mirkwood. You, my dear, are the cause of it." This figure had brown hair of a darker color than Anna's, but appeared to be about the same age, and both their features resembled each other.
"What do you mean? I didn't cause anything to happen!"
"Oh?" The figure lifted on eyebrow in a query. "Then what, my dear, would you term your Mary-Sue?"
"My Mary-What?!" Anna, was, if not precisely livid, certainly indignant. The person across from her, on the other hand, seemed completely calm.
"Your Mary-Sue. A Mary-Sue is a." Here the female paused for a minute, and started to leaf through her dictionary.
"Female character possessing all possible favorable traits and abilities with no unfavorable trait or ability to leaven it. She generally has either an awful or marvelous childhood. The character will occasionally come from an invented species, come from a canon species, another realm and/or have an enchantment placed upon her. Upon reaching adulthood, for no reason given whatsoever, she joins canon characters on a documented quest. She will also be far more beautiful than any maiden ever born. She will generally end up not only upstaging canon characters, but cutting all of the scary, annoying, hazardous and interesting parts out of the quest. One or more male characters will be instantly captured by her beauty and fall madly in love or lust with her. The writer forces us to read through several maddeningly saccharine love scenes in which any and all canon characters suddenly slip out of the mode of English they used in the book and are forced into modern English, complete with slang. The characters may also attempt rape.
If the Mary-Sue takes place after documented quest, she may claim to be related to, or the betrothed of any important, interesting and/or good looking canon character. Once again, she will modify the behavior of any and all canon characters she encounters. She will also dramatically change places, language, events and any and all beings in order to make room for herself."
Anna listened to this spiel with slightly glazed eyes. The female noticed this, and kept on talking. "Yes Anna, I know it's long, unwieldy, and rather wordy, but I have reason to believe it's mostly accurate. What will you say in your defense?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Imahorewen and Legolas looked on in shock as Thranduil suddenly appeared. You see, Imahorewen was not only stark naked; she had also managed to divest Legolas of not only his tunic and shirt, but also his weapons. [Admit it now; all you Legolas lusters are happily drowning your keyboards in oceans of drool.] Imahorewen shrieked and ran for the large black stream that she and Legolas had wandered by.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Who the h- are you?"
"My apologies, dear. How careless of me not to introduce myself. I am Sunsong."
"Ok, fine! But what on Earth are you doing here?"
"Saving not only your Mary-Sue, but the two of us from a punishment by the authority higher than us both."
"I don't understand." Anna was not only confused by the vocabulary used by this strange being, but also by the implication that she had not lived a less than blameless life.
"It's very simple. The authority higher than us both is." A dark mist started coiling about the room.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thranduil and his queen not only looked on in satisfaction, but tied up Legolas to prevent him from rescuing the girl. Imahorewen, fell into a deep sleep. Legolas's older brother used her slumbering form for arrow practice until her corpse faded from sight. All that is known is that there is currently one extremely well fed spider that can sing in a perfect soprano.
Legolas turned to face his family. "My parents, my brother, I am ashamed. I know not how I could have acted like such a, a." Trailing off in an attempt to find the proper vocabulary, he gave up and continued, his head down. "Not only that, I am sorry I ignored you so, and mangled Westron so shamefully. I assure you, it is no fault of my tutor's. I know not words for how I feel, but I am so horribly ashamed for the way I have behaved towards all of you.Gimli, I would apologize to you as well, if you can hear me." The dwarf had gone missing ever since the Mary-Sue had arrived. Legolas sighed and trailed off. He was stunned to feel a hand upon his shoulder. Looking up, he was amazed at the understanding and love he could see in his father's face.
His father started to explain. "Legolas, you are not to blame for any actions you performed while being controlled. You are still my son, and if nothing else we all love you-" Thranduil was interrupted by a deep bass voice.
"Apology accepted. I am glad to see that I am remembered."
"Gimli!" Legolas beamed at the sight of one of his dearest friends. Thranduil felt that he had said enough, and turning to his wife, asked her to accompany him. Legolas's older brother had decided to go ahead and spread the good news. Gimli and Legolas stayed by the stream for some time, reminiscing over the quest, the various battles, and amicably arguing over who had the most dead orcs to his credit.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Anna interrupted Sunsong after she had glanced at the screen. "You've ruined my story! I, like, worked so hard on that!" Sunsong, feeling rather put out at the interruption, decided to continue.
"As I was saying, the authority above us both is the Canon."
The mist pounced!