A/N: *grins evilly * Oooh, this should be fun!
Disclaimer: *glares at lawyer * All right, all right. None of Middle- Earth is mine. *sighs and lets the man of Gondor out from under her bed * Even Boromir. *cuddles mini-balrog in an attempt to console herself * Who's da gweatest mini-balrog ever? Whosacutiepie? *Looks up. * So? I wuv my mini! *Borrimir, the min-balrog in question, gives a look that translates to, 'she feeds me, I can live through this.' *
Disclaimer #2: Miss Cam invented the mini-balrogs. She writes fics under the penname of Camilla Sandman. Read them!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I tumbled down into Middle-Earth. I was in a brown dress. Anna was in something that was originally olive green and absolutely stiff with gold embroidery. It must have weighed about 10 pounds. I had no idea how she could move in the thing. Unfortunately, she had landed on top of me. To my shock, I heard a voice declaiming. . .
"Seek for the Quest that was:
Within Elrond's house it dwells:
There shall be counsels taken
Stronger than fangirl-spells.
There shall be shown a token
That The End is near at hand,
For the M-S's bane shall waken,
And the Author forth shall stand."
I looked up. My hormones started to go crazy. This. Was. Boromir. And his lines had gone all wrong! That couldn't happen! This was the Council of Elrond. Things needed to go according to plot! Well, no one seemed to notice anything as having gone wrong. It looked as though I would have to take that most Mary-Sueish of steps and correct the words.
Gritting my teeth at what I would have to do, I pushed my glasses up the bridge of my nose and started to issue orders. Just to be sure I had the right man (although there seemed to be little doubt, considering the levels of my hormones) I asked, "Boromir?" He nodded. I began reciting the poem the right way around. Once I'd finished, something seemed to go sideways, but sideways correctly. It is a bit hard to describe.
Anna tried to sway towards Legolas and tripped. That didn't deter her from declaiming to Legolas, who sat there, stunned. I would be stunned too- Anna made an entire speech in which she claimed to be Elrond's long lost second daughter and betrothed to him at their births to cement an alliance between Rivendell and Mirkwood- being talked at in a language I didn't know (this is Middle-Earth and Anna speaks only English) would be a stunning experience for me too. "Stunning" is meant purely in the pejorative sense.
Meanwhile, I noticed a long, shimmering thread trailing upwards from her gown. I gazed up along its length and saw a bird. It was black, too large to be a crow, the wrong size for a rook, much too big to be a grackle- it was a raven. I always said they were clever birds. I grinned; Anna's gold embroidery was coming off and the olive fabric was showing through.
However, as the Council began to go on, I took my mind off Anna. Honestly with three lusts tugging-of-war with me, how was I to concentrate? First there was Boromir. Sure, you've all seen the movie, but understand- all the characters here looked slightly different from the actors. Yes, there was a definite resemblance (in features) to Sean Bean, but Boromir had brown-black hair and gray eyes. Similarly, Legolas also has dark hair (consult your books, I can't remember precisely where it says, but Legolas' hair is dark!). Plus, they had a subtly different look to them. Sorry, I can't explain it any better than that. Now, although Sean Bean is definitely hot, Boromir has dark hair, is taller than I (a feat I'll admit is easy enough) and is here. Within reach of my paws.
Then, there was the Ring. Since I'd landed in Middle-Earth, and I don't really want power all that much, I should be safe, right? Right? I started to walk towards it, than remembered the fate of my lust object. *He'd * had noble motives, but look. I'd read my LOTR (and its history). It looked like I'd better not. But then, if I had the ring, I could keep it safe. Than the elves would never leave Middle-Earth, Arwen would be able to stay near her family *and * marry Aragorn, Boromir wouldn't die . . . but then I remembered reading some of Tolkien's earlier drafts for _ Lord of the Rings _. In the ones where Boromir survived, evil still overpowered his nature; he joined and helped Saruman. Ok, I decided to get back to this topic later.
I could see my third lust right in front of me: Middle-Earth itself. By that I mean its history. Who is Celeborn? (Tolkien gave out several variants of his history). Now where else could I find out Celeborn's (and others') histories but in a library? What better library to look in than Lord Elrond's himself? I kept my mind on this less dangerous train of thought for the duration of the council until Anna Smith interrupted, someone-or-other and started a ring-snatching attempt. I tackled her, and sat on top. She may be taller than I, but I have more, er, mass.
Soon with Sam's trademark words concerning the pickle, the council broke up. Arwen came out and graciously volunteered to help Anna pick out a new dress from amongst her clothing. Anna acceded. I was suspicious of this definite non-canon and remained behind. I did not have long to wait. Anna soon ran out of a doorway at top speed; Arwen was chasing her, wielding a frying pan. Anna lost no time and went right to Lord Elrond. I groaned and covered my eyes.
Anna made her eyes as wide as she could and pleaded, "Please, can I like, go into the, like, Fellowship?"
Elrond, although at first, appearing oblivious to Anna's bug-eyes, sighed deeply and said, "very well."
I groaned; what would happen next?
~*~*~*~*~
Well? Please review.
Disclaimer: *glares at lawyer * All right, all right. None of Middle- Earth is mine. *sighs and lets the man of Gondor out from under her bed * Even Boromir. *cuddles mini-balrog in an attempt to console herself * Who's da gweatest mini-balrog ever? Whosacutiepie? *Looks up. * So? I wuv my mini! *Borrimir, the min-balrog in question, gives a look that translates to, 'she feeds me, I can live through this.' *
Disclaimer #2: Miss Cam invented the mini-balrogs. She writes fics under the penname of Camilla Sandman. Read them!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I tumbled down into Middle-Earth. I was in a brown dress. Anna was in something that was originally olive green and absolutely stiff with gold embroidery. It must have weighed about 10 pounds. I had no idea how she could move in the thing. Unfortunately, she had landed on top of me. To my shock, I heard a voice declaiming. . .
"Seek for the Quest that was:
Within Elrond's house it dwells:
There shall be counsels taken
Stronger than fangirl-spells.
There shall be shown a token
That The End is near at hand,
For the M-S's bane shall waken,
And the Author forth shall stand."
I looked up. My hormones started to go crazy. This. Was. Boromir. And his lines had gone all wrong! That couldn't happen! This was the Council of Elrond. Things needed to go according to plot! Well, no one seemed to notice anything as having gone wrong. It looked as though I would have to take that most Mary-Sueish of steps and correct the words.
Gritting my teeth at what I would have to do, I pushed my glasses up the bridge of my nose and started to issue orders. Just to be sure I had the right man (although there seemed to be little doubt, considering the levels of my hormones) I asked, "Boromir?" He nodded. I began reciting the poem the right way around. Once I'd finished, something seemed to go sideways, but sideways correctly. It is a bit hard to describe.
Anna tried to sway towards Legolas and tripped. That didn't deter her from declaiming to Legolas, who sat there, stunned. I would be stunned too- Anna made an entire speech in which she claimed to be Elrond's long lost second daughter and betrothed to him at their births to cement an alliance between Rivendell and Mirkwood- being talked at in a language I didn't know (this is Middle-Earth and Anna speaks only English) would be a stunning experience for me too. "Stunning" is meant purely in the pejorative sense.
Meanwhile, I noticed a long, shimmering thread trailing upwards from her gown. I gazed up along its length and saw a bird. It was black, too large to be a crow, the wrong size for a rook, much too big to be a grackle- it was a raven. I always said they were clever birds. I grinned; Anna's gold embroidery was coming off and the olive fabric was showing through.
However, as the Council began to go on, I took my mind off Anna. Honestly with three lusts tugging-of-war with me, how was I to concentrate? First there was Boromir. Sure, you've all seen the movie, but understand- all the characters here looked slightly different from the actors. Yes, there was a definite resemblance (in features) to Sean Bean, but Boromir had brown-black hair and gray eyes. Similarly, Legolas also has dark hair (consult your books, I can't remember precisely where it says, but Legolas' hair is dark!). Plus, they had a subtly different look to them. Sorry, I can't explain it any better than that. Now, although Sean Bean is definitely hot, Boromir has dark hair, is taller than I (a feat I'll admit is easy enough) and is here. Within reach of my paws.
Then, there was the Ring. Since I'd landed in Middle-Earth, and I don't really want power all that much, I should be safe, right? Right? I started to walk towards it, than remembered the fate of my lust object. *He'd * had noble motives, but look. I'd read my LOTR (and its history). It looked like I'd better not. But then, if I had the ring, I could keep it safe. Than the elves would never leave Middle-Earth, Arwen would be able to stay near her family *and * marry Aragorn, Boromir wouldn't die . . . but then I remembered reading some of Tolkien's earlier drafts for _ Lord of the Rings _. In the ones where Boromir survived, evil still overpowered his nature; he joined and helped Saruman. Ok, I decided to get back to this topic later.
I could see my third lust right in front of me: Middle-Earth itself. By that I mean its history. Who is Celeborn? (Tolkien gave out several variants of his history). Now where else could I find out Celeborn's (and others') histories but in a library? What better library to look in than Lord Elrond's himself? I kept my mind on this less dangerous train of thought for the duration of the council until Anna Smith interrupted, someone-or-other and started a ring-snatching attempt. I tackled her, and sat on top. She may be taller than I, but I have more, er, mass.
Soon with Sam's trademark words concerning the pickle, the council broke up. Arwen came out and graciously volunteered to help Anna pick out a new dress from amongst her clothing. Anna acceded. I was suspicious of this definite non-canon and remained behind. I did not have long to wait. Anna soon ran out of a doorway at top speed; Arwen was chasing her, wielding a frying pan. Anna lost no time and went right to Lord Elrond. I groaned and covered my eyes.
Anna made her eyes as wide as she could and pleaded, "Please, can I like, go into the, like, Fellowship?"
Elrond, although at first, appearing oblivious to Anna's bug-eyes, sighed deeply and said, "very well."
I groaned; what would happen next?
~*~*~*~*~
Well? Please review.