***
Author's note: To everyone who has been waiting for this
chapter, I hope I've given you what you want. I've been trying to upload this
for ages but FF.net kept refusing for some reason. Bad boys.
Dedications to Amy, Rachel and Abinikai for the beta's. Their words have been
fantastic and everything I could have asked for.
***
Sirius flinched as the teeth clamped around his neck, biting down fiercely. His hands were pressed against Remus's shoulders. White fingers desperately dug into his friend's skin in an attempt to push Remus away.
He could barely breathe. Whatever instinct he had triggered in Remus had lead to something more then Sirius had ever expected. Blue eyes became fuzzy from painand lack of oxygen, his windpipe half obscured by the pressure being forced on his neck.
Sirius fought to speak, attempting to pull Remus back into control of his body, but Sirius's voice came out in harsh coughing gasp, forcing his head to whirl from the energy wasted in the useless attempt.
"Reem-" Sirius managed to hiss as he pulled in another half gasp of air. Not enough. Head spinning. Body failing.
From somewhere inside his own head, Sirius began to hear a voice. It was distressed and frantic, 'You can't let him do this! He'll never forgive himself... for God's sake, Black, fight back.'
Sirius pulled all his strength together. He couldn't push Remus away. The other boy had pinned him against the wall, but by curling his leg around Remus's ankle, he managed to dislodge the werewolf momentarily. It was enough for Remus's grasp on Sirius's neck to loosen slightly so the dark haired boy could take a deep breath of air.
"Remus," Sirius rasped in an unnaturally ragged voice.
This seemed to catch the ear of the younger boy. His eyes flashed fleetingly, and a moment later, he released his hold on Sirius's neck.
Remus took a sharp step back, his slender body shaking with fear as he realised what he had done. He lifted his slim white hand from his side and wiped his mouth on it. Pulling it away, Remus looked down to see a slimy mess of blood and saliva.
Remus's convulsed with horror as he raised his eyes to Sirius's neck. The werewolf shook when he saw what was there.
Confused, Sirius raised his own hand and ran it along his neck, pulling away to reveal a palm smeared with rusty liquid. Surprise punched Sirius and his body expelled all oxygen. Remus would never hurt him, never make him bleed. But there was the evidence, smeared across his hand.
"Oh Fuck! Fuck-Jesus-Fuck!" Remus stumbled backwards, throwing himself against the other wall. Tears were brimming from his eyes at the knowledge of what had just happened.
Sirius stood in shock, unable to move as Remus crumbled to the floor.
"What the hell is wrong with me?" Remus howled at himself. "I can't even control myself." He swiped at the blood on his face. "I could have... I could have killed... oh Fuck." Remus was punching the wall now, his hands cracking easily against the stone.
This sight finally shocked Sirius back to reality, and he quickly moved to sit beside Remus, stopping the angry fists and taking them in his hands.
"Don't Remus," Sirius pleaded, "I can't watch you hurt yourself."
"But I could have-"
"It's okay."
"No. It's not okay, Sirius." Tears streamed down Remus's face. "I just attacked you. Not Moony... ME!" He wiped more blood from his chin and shoved it in Sirius face. "I could have killed you. Don't you get that?"
"But you didn't."
"That's no consolation Sirius. All I had was the knowledge that most of the month I can act like a normal everyday wizard... but now."
"Jesus, Remus, you are normal."
"And when was the last time someone did that to you, Sirius?" Remus asked in an anguished voice, point to the red smear on Sirius's neck..
"It wasn't your fault," Sirius reassured him. "You told me not to. You told me months ago. I knew what it would do."
"But I couldn't even control it, Sirius." Remus was pulling himself up now, his chest was still heaving as he crossed the room.
"What are you doing?" Sirius asked, also standing.
"I'm packing. I can't stay here. It's too dangerous."
"You're not going anywhere," Sirius said, moving forward to stop Remus.
"I can owl my parents. They'll come get me in the morning."
"You're not going!" Sirius said again, this time forcefully grabbing Remus by the arm and spinning him around. "I won't let you."
"I can't stay here," Remus said, his face betraying the pain of the words. "Attacking Snape was bad enough, but this."
"It's not like I didn't know what would happen, Remus," Sirius said, "I've known what you are since I was thirteen."
"But," Remus said in a pained whisper, "I just tried to-"
"I don't give a fuck what you tried to do!" Sirius forced. "All you do is act around all of us; me, Pete, James. You play at being the good friend because you think that if we got to know the real you, we'd run a mile." Sirius pushed his hand into Remus's hair, forcing the boy to look at him. "Well I know the real you, Remus. I know what you are afraid of and I know what you think others think of you... I know that you like Sugar Quills because they remind you of the first time you came here and Dumbledore let you enrol... I know that you like summer because the nights are shorter, and you don't have to be the wolf so long." Sirius was starting to break down as he spoke the words to his friend, but even as the tears fell, he continued. "I know that the reason you give me and James such slack is because you want us to like you. You think you don't deserve to have us as friends, so you try to make up for the fact that you're a werewolf by being clever and reading books and becoming prefect," Sirius shook his head like this was the most unfathomable feat, "but none of that matters, because deep down inside you think in the end we'll all leave you. That we'll get married or start jobs and you'll be on your own again. Well it's not going to happen!"
"I can't ask you to-" Remus tried to express himself, his face a mess of tears and anguish.
"Yes, you can!" Sirius interrupted, "That's what friends are for. I'm not just here for the fun and laughter, Remus. I'm not a fair weather friend and don't think you can get rid of me just by giving me a little flesh wound... You mean more to me than that."
"It might have been more then a flesh wound," Remus argued.
Sirius frowned at the boy; nothing could please him. Sirius crossed the room and a moment later pulled his wand out of his bag. He pointed it at his still bleeding neck.
"Salus."
Sirius's wand tip glowed pale blue and, like a zipper being pulled shut, the line of teeth marks on his neck closed up. Sirius ran his hand over the area; he was still bruised but that would fade in time.
"See," he said looking at Remus, "I learn a lot from hanging out with you... Not even a flesh wound."
"But it-" Remus started.
"Not even a flesh wound, Remus," Sirius said again.
"But it could have been," Remus pushed. "I can't let that happen again. Not even the possibility of it."
Sirius closed his eyes, trying to calm himself down, trying to think what would convince Remus.
"You know what the thing about Cuchulainn was?" Sirius calmly asked, moving towards Remus and placing a warm hand on his cheek.
"What?" Remus asked a little warily.
"The choice he made," Sirius answered. "He could have ordered one of his men to guard the house, or even just walked away from it... but he didn't. He knew what he had to do, and he knew that no one else – not one single person – could do it as well as he could."
"I'm not your responsibility, Sirius," Remus sighed.
"I know," Sirius answered. "I'm yours. Who else will make me study... or make sure I have enough socks to wear."
"Socks?" Remus asked, confused.
"Very important, socks are," Sirius replied, moving closer to Remus, "they keep your feet warm." He placed a gentle kiss onto Remus's lips. It was soft and loving and so utterly painful for Remus.
"Sirius, I can't..." Remus whispered when they pulled apart, their foreheads resting against each other.
"Yes you can. You just have to let yourself." Sirius explained. "And not because you think I'll like you for doing it." Sirius smiled. "You could punch me in the face and I'd thank you for helping me see stars indoors."
Remus seemed to be deep in thought for a long time. Sirius simply stood facing him, their fingers tentatively playing with each other.
"So, do you..." Remus began, "you forgive me?"
Sirius was taken aback by the question. It took him a moment to figure out exactly what Remus was talking about.
"There is nothing to forgive," Sirius soothed, "but will you promise me something?"
Remus nodded sadly.
"Promise you'll talk to me," Sirius said earnestly. "That no matter what, you'll tell me how you feel."
Remus sighed and nodded his ascent.
"How you really feel." Sirius added.
"I promise."
***
Sirius and Remus were already at dinner when the others arrived, fresh from the Hogsmeade train station.
"Jesus, Sirius," James exclaimed, "What happened to you?" The bespectacled boy reached across the table and turned Sirius's head, allowing a better view of the bruised neck.
"Oh," Sirius said, startled by the question. "Er... rogue Bludger." He shook James's hand away. "It happens," he added, shrugging lightly.
Sirius noticed Remus move uncomfortably in his seat. Nice one James!
"It'll be gone in a few days," Sirius said, as James looked slowly from Sirius to Remus and then sat beside Lily.
"It's pretty nasty, Sirius," James stressed, quirking an eyebrow to Lily.
"How's your wrist, James?" Sirius retorted sharply, trying to take the emphasis off his own injury.
James pulled back at the venom in Sirius's voice. "Fine!" he defended.
Fuck. Now James was suspicious.
"So how was your Easter?" Remus cut in, asking the three friends who had been absent.
"All right..." James answered slowly. "How was yours?" There was a tint of worry to the question, a feeling of apprehension.
Sirius and Remus looked at each other. They hadn't talked about what they would say.
"It was..." Sirius started, looking for the right word. "It was fine."
"So you didn't fight, or anything?" Lily asked, concerned.
"No," they both answered, perhaps a little too quickly.
"Really?" Peter asked, pushing Sirius's irritation a touch too far.
"Well Jesus, Wormtail, does it look like we killed each other?"
Sirius regretted the words instantly. Beside him, he felt Remus flinch. It wasn't what he had meant to say at all.
Fuck, fuck, FUCK!
"Okay," Peter defended, looking down to his plate in surprise. "No need to bite my head off."
"Look," Sirius tried, "I didn't mean to. I'm sorry."
Peter nodded at the apology but it didn't feel like he accepted it.
"I'm not really hungry," Remus said shakily as he stood up from the table. "I'm going to go lie down."
"Remus?" Sirius called to the retreating back of his friend.
"I'm fine, Sirius," was the only response Remus gave. He didn't even look back at the table as he walked out the door.
"So you two are getting on great, then," James goaded.
"Shut up, James," Sirius spat as he pushed himself up from the table and ran after Remus.
When Sirius made it to the Entrance Hall there was no sign of his friend. Urgency almost caused him to run up the stairs in pursuit but, for once, logic took over from impulse. He couldn't have made it up the staircase already, Sirius reasoned.
His head turned and looked out the large oak doors. The sun was already setting in the spring sky, and even though it hadn't rained all day, there was a bite to the chilly air.
Typical, Sirius thought, as he lamented leaving his robes in the Gryffindor Tower. Well, he concluded, his jeans and jumper would have to be warm enough as he headed out the door.
Sirius easily spotted Remus sitting under the Beech tree facing the lake. He must have run to be in position already. Sirius took a deep breath and began to cross the grounds.
The grass crunched angrily under his feet and each step made him pull his arms around himself a little more to fight the chill. Remus wouldn't feel the cold, he thought, he'd sit out here all night getting hypothermia and still not notice his toes turning to ice.
"Remus?" Sirius ventured cautiously as he reached the tree. Sirius noticed his friend's head move a fraction in recognition. "I didn't mean-"
"I know, Sirius," Remus cut in, "I know, 'you didn't mean it'..." Remus finally looked up at Sirius, his eyes insistent. "But you still said it."
Sirius frowned, annoyed at himself. "You can't expect me to censor what I say," he expressed, "I can't do that, Remus... so sometimes I say things, and they don't... I don't mean them."
Remus's eyes pricked with pain yet again, "Then how am I meant to know?" Remus beseeched. "How am I meant to know when you're telling the truth?"
It took Sirius only a moment to look into these eyes and realise what he had implied.
"I didn't mean you, Remus," Sirius protested, falling to his knees on the dew-damp earth. "I could never lie to you." Remus looked away but Sirius pulled his gaze back by placing an index finger under his chin. "I don't think I could ever do anything... but love you. I don't think I ever have."
Remus took a sharp intake of breath at these words. They were staring at each other. Their eyes locked with emotion.
"I'm not used to this, Sirius," Remus whispered.
"What?"
"This..." Remus shook his head, looking for the word, "attention."
Sirius smiled easily, even though his body was shivering against more then the cold. "You think I am?" Sirius asked incredulously.
"Well, you are Sirius Black," Remus tried to tease, a small smile playing on his lips.
"I am that, aren't I," Sirius conceded, "but you're Remus Lupin, and that's a much more interesting package."
Remus smiled as Sirius moved in for a kiss. Their lips cold and crackling against each other. It was a new feeling.
"Your nose is cold," Remus informed with confused surprise when they pulled apart.
"Dog's nose," Sirius shrugged with a smile. Remus frowned and, noticing that Sirius wasn't wearing a robe, he ran a slender, if somewhat warmer, hand up Sirius's arm, aggravating the goose bumps that were beginning to nest on his skin.
"You're cold!" Remus announced to a very unsurprised Sirius.
"So are you."
"I didn't notice," Remus shrugged.
"I didn't think you would," Sirius said, again with that knowing smile.
Remus smiled easily, his thumb running over the small welts on Sirius's skin. "I suppose I should start taking care of myself." Remus's eyes fell in a smile to Sirius's wrist, which he was caressing. He frowned in the darkening light. "What's that?" he asked, pushing back Sirius's sleeve so his wrist was better exposed to the weak light.
Across his wrist, in outlined black letters was tattooed LXV.
"Tattoo," Sirius explained, his free hand pushing back a lock of Remus's fringe which had fallen into his amber eyes. "I got it this morning in Hogsmeade," Sirius explained. "It won't come off." Sirius smiled at the rapidly increasing frown on Remus's face. "Are you going to lecture me now?"
"I should!" Remus charged. "You know getting a tattoo is just a way of acting out. You'll regret it when you get older."
"No, I won't," Sirius replied. Remus was still holding onto his wrist, chewing his bottom lip slightly. "Aren't you going to ask why I got it?"
"You mean you're not going to make me guess?" Remus questioned.
"They're Roman numerals," Sirius continued, ignoring Remus's raised eyebrows. He pointed at the letters of the tattoo respectively. "Fifty – ten – five... adds up to Sixty five." Sirius took a deep breath and pushed his hair back from his face. He couldn't feel the cold anymore. All he could feel was the warmth spindling through his body from Remus's hand holding his wrist.
"What's sixty five mean?" Remus asked, the line between his eyebrows deepening.
"It's the number of days..." Sirius stopped, trying to gather his words properly. He didn't want to look at Remus just yet. He couldn't imagine the reaction he would get. "It's how long I had to be without you... I mean, from that night until last night, when we kissed again... sixty five days. You were there, but... I couldn't be with you."
Sirius tried waiting for a response but nothing came. Remus hardly moved, except a small flinch of the fingers holding Sirius's wrist. Sirius wanted to look at him but he was afraid.
"I never thought I'd say this," Sirius started. "I mean, I've never exactly known how to talk about feelings or whatever, it wasn't really encouraged in the Black house, but I can't go on without you Remus. I know it sounds really overdramatic, but I nearly died these last two months. I know I said you act around us, but I had to put on an act all the time as well. I had to pretend that I was okay. Even with James and Peter, who knew what had happened, because they didn't really know. They didn't know how I – how I felt about you, feel about you." Sirius wiped his nose on his sleeve. The cold was really getting to him again. If only Remus would talk. If only he would say something, anything.
"I promise, Remus, if you want me, I'll never be away from you. I mean, sixty five days is too long to be away from you anyway, but you'll never have to do it again. I couldn't do it again." Sirius looked at Remus's down turned head. Hope was dying in him again. "Please, Remus." Remus didn't move. Tentatively Sirius cupped Remus's chin and tilted his head up.
Even in the dying light, the glisten in Remus eyes was so evident it made Sirius want to wrap his arms around the boy. Remus's cheeks were streaked with tears, and for the first time, Sirius noticed the shake in his shoulders.
"Re-, Moony, are you okay?"
Remus nodded, the movement dislodging another tear from his eye. "Just promise me something."
"Anything."
"Promise you'll never get another one."
It seemed such a simple request: 'don't get another tattoo,' but Sirius knew it meant more then that. It meant don't hurt me, don't betray me, don't lie to me, but most of all, it meant don't leave me, and that was all Sirius needed to hear.
"Promise."
Remus sealed the promise with a kiss.
"How about some hot chocolate in the kitchens?" Sirius asked softly, when they had pulled apart. "My treat."
Remus raised an eyebrow, "Your treat?" but he was met with a winking smile that made him relent immediately. "Okay, help me up."
Sirius stood and pulled Remus up easily.
"Y'know," Remus commented as he dusted his robes off, "it really does get dark far too early here."
Sirius looked out over the lake to see the last rays of sun dissolving into the horizon. The only lights illuminating the grounds were from the ever present satellite hanging over the earth and the many candles and torches which lit the windowed corridors of Hogwarts.
"I don't know," Sirius argued, "there can be certain advantages to the dark." He moved towards Remus with every intention of taking advantage of the boy. Remus, noticing the movement, blithely jumped back.
"You promised me hot chocolate!" Remus accused, placing his hand deftly on his hips to show how serious he was.
"And I'm going to give you some," Sirius smirked.
"I meant the drinking kind," Remus corrected with a grin, taking a step around the large Beech trunk. "Not the kind you have in mind."
Sirius darted around the other side of the tree and pinned Remus up against the peeling bark. They both grinned breathlessly at each other as Sirius's hands travelled down Remus's robed arms to intertwine with long, skilful fingers.
"You shouldn't tease me, Lupin," Sirius growled. "I might have to punish you."
Sirius pushed Remus back into the tree, their hips rocking together. Remus moaned at the force.
"To punish me, you have to catch me first!" Remus explained in a heavy whisper.
"In case you haven't noticed, Mister Mooney, Mister Padfoot has you quite trapped as it is."
Remus smiled mischievously and with a quick hook of his leg, dislodged Sirius's hold.
Sirius scrambled as Remus escaped from his 'prison.'
"Trapped, was I?" Remus teased as he jogged away from Sirius and towards the castle.
"I'll get you," Sirius promised with an earthy growl before setting off full hilt after Remus. The other boy let out a throaty laugh, allowing himself to be pursued into the mouth of the castle.
***
At a window overlooking the grounds of Hogwarts, a pair of blue eyes looked out as two figures happily dashed out from under the cover of a Beech tree. It seemed a game of tag was afoot.
"I think they're okay," a soft voice said into a friendly ear as arms circled around the other's waist.
"Hmmm," was the easy reply, "I though they would be."
***
Sirius lay on the bed, running his fingers gently over Remus's shirted chest. It had been weeks since they had been able to be properly alone together. Whether it was studying for their N.E.W.T.s, Quidditch practice or simply spending time with their friends, there had hardly been more than a moment to spare, until now.
James and Peter were sitting their last N.E.W.T. exam this afternoon. Sirius and Remus had finished their N.E.W.T.s that morning and were in a peaceful slumber brought on by the relief of no more study and the prospect of uninterrupted hours together. Their mumbled conversation had been lulled by Sirius's tender strokes, and Remus's head fell back onto the pillow, a contented smile tugging at his lips.
Sirius lifted the corner of Remus's shirt and ran his fingers up the long scar running across Remus's chest. The scar he had showered with kisses on that first night. Sirius felt Remus's hand lazily tug at his hair, caressing the long blackness through his fingers.
"Where is it?" Sirius asked as he ran his finger down the scar.
"Huh?" Remus mumbled, not wanting to move from his cosy position.
"The bite?" Sirius asked. "I don't remember seeing it on any of my... explorations."
"Oh," Remus replied. "My leg. The right one."
"Can I look?"
Remus nodded sleepily but managed to raise his head from the pillow, propping himself up on his elbows. He never told them much about what had happened, no matter how they'd tried to prod information out of him, just that he'd been very young.
Sirius moved down the bed and, cupping his two hands on Remus's ankle, pushed the material of his trousers up his leg. There, among the bristled hairs, Sirius could see the faded outline of jagged teeth. The skin had healed as best as it could, but like all childhood scars, it left raised white mounds of skin in its wake. It had stretched as Remus had grown and now looked like the jaws of a shark rather then a werewolf. Sirius ran a finger along the scar.
"Strange place to be bitten."
"I had my back to her."
"Her?"
Remus nodded, "Yes, her! And if you say anything about losing to a girl, I'm going to kill you."
"I wouldn't," Sirius defended with a smile, but Remus just raised his eyebrows in disbelief. "How'd you know it was a girl anyway?"
"I saw her," Remus replied with a frown as he looked back at the scar. "After they killed her, she turned back to her human form... That's when mum started crying. I don't think they realised she was a werewolf. They just thought it was a random animal attack. I would have been dead if it wasn't for Thomas."
"Your brother?"
"He pushed me out of the way," Remus explained. "I suppose it disorientated her enough for him to call for my dad." Remus stopped momentarily, memories of the night shadowing his eyes. "They wouldn't call the Ministry. Mum tried to clean the wound, but it was too late. I knew it was too late, but she wouldn't listen. Dad just paced back and forth across the hall. He still had the gun in his hand... I remember, for a moment, thinking he was going to shoot me too. I was only a kid but I'd heard enough stories to know what would happen to me."
"He wouldn't have done that!"
"I guess not. But it was still a lot to deal with. His son was a werewolf."
"You're more than that, Remus."
Remus looked up at Sirius, his eyes slowly filling with pleasure again.
"I'm glad I am. If I wasn't we wouldn't have met." Remus smiled at Sirius's confused face. "Didn't you ever wonder why my brother went to Beauxbatons? I was meant to go there too. It was what my mum wanted, but they'd never let me in. Even Durmstrung would have been a problem because the Lupins aren't exactly wizarding aristocracy." Remus smiled, but it wasn't a false smile. His eyes were drowning in Sirius's and he licked his lips, which were dry after talking so much.
Sirius moved up the bed again until he was level with Remus's gaze.
"Thank you for telling me."
Remus smiled again, "Can we snog now?"
Sirius laughed at his friend's brashness, "Why, Mr. Lupin, I believe you are trying to take advantage of me?"
"If you resist I'll only make it harder for you," Remus warned.
"Really?"
"Just remember, I warned you. You could have given in easily but you wanted it the hard way," he answered before catching Sirius in a smouldering embrace that lasted for the rest of the afternoon.
***
"Stop twitching!" Lily snapped.
"I can't help it," James defended, pulling at the collar of his dress robes. "This thing is too tight!"
"I told you to order a new set in Hogsmeade, but you wanted to spend your money on those fireworks," she reprimanded, slapping his hand away from the collar again.
Sirius and Remus exchanged grins as James huffed to himself.
"That'd be a waste of money, not like I'll ever wear them again anyway!" he mumbled to himself.
The seventh years were waiting outside the Great Hall. It was the day of the Graduation ball. Each house would be introduced to the rest of the school before the ball began. It was an old tradition but one that the school liked to uphold.
"You look gorgeous," a smooth voice ghosted across Sirius's ear. "I wish I could get under those robes right now." Sirius shivered and swallowed back the lump in his throat.
Professor McGonagall came out of the Hall and greeted them.
"Seventh years," she smiled. "Welcome to the last Ball you shall attend as students of Hogwarts." She went on to explain the procedure once they entered the hall, but Sirius's attention was taken by the silky voice in his ear.
"I'd run my fingers all over you. Kissing your neck just the way you like it. I'd get you so sweaty and hard you'll be screaming for me to make you come." Sirius felt a set of long fingers brush against his own. "And all I want you to think about during the ball is how I'm going to suck you dry."
"Bastard!" Sirius whispered through clenched teeth.
"Mr. Black!" McGonagall exclaimed. "Just because it is a night of celebration, do not think I will allow such debauched language."
Sirius could only nod his understanding, but thought her attention might be better directed to a certain Gryffindor prefect.
His mind was spinning as they entered the Hall. He went through all the traditions on auto-pilot, having seen them before it was easy. Smile, nod, act properly, but in his head all he could see was Remus. Sirius's eyes followed the fellow Gryffindor like a hawk. His forest green robes moving easily with the slim body.
Great, he though, now I'm all worked up. Sirius made his way to the punch and poured himself a glass, which he downed quickly.
"I know you're thinking about me, Sirius," the voice ghosted again. "I can feel what you want. I can feel you inside me." Sirius's body tensed violently at the thought and the glass in his hand shattered into a million pieces under his grip, falling to the ground.
"Jesus, Sirius," James cried over the music. "You okay?"
Sirius nodded tightly and spun around looking for Remus. It took him a moment but when his eyes fell on the familiar form he was sitting at a table with Lily and Peter. The other two were deep in conversation but Remus's eyes were fixed on Sirius, his thumb running slowly across his bottom lips.
What was going on? Sirius thought. How could Remus be all the way over there if he'd just heard him right next to his ear?
Sirius heard a spell being uttered behind him and a moment later a glass of punch was pushed into his hand.
"Good as new," James said as he smiled at his friend. "You sure you're okay? You look a bit-"
"I'm fine, a bit hot," Sirius interrupted, finally looking away from Remus. "It's just... last ball, y'know? It's all a bit strange."
"Yeah, but 'good' strange, right?"
Sirius nodded again, as more words floated into his ears. I want to lick you, suck you.
"Peter was hinting that we should get a place together," James sighed. "I mean, I wouldn't mind, but I was hoping Lily..."
I'll tie you to the bed. I'll let you pump into me.
Sirius closed his eyes again, hoping that his heavy breathing wasn't obvious.
"Are you and Remus still moving in together?"
Another nod.
"You know where yet?"
"No," Sirius opened his eyes again. "Just somewhere Remus can transform... with a pub nearby."
James nodded, taking a sip of his drink.
Remember, you said you wanted it the hard way.
"Hello boys," Lily greeted as she moved to put her arm around her boyfriend. "I hope you two are behaving yourselves."
"As always," James replied, a glint in his eyes.
"Sure, I believe you," Lily smiled in feigned sweetness, but this melted quickly as she spoke again. "Remus said he's not feeling so good. He's gone to lie down for a moment."
Sirius turned to the spot where Remus had been sitting moments before, and sure enough, it was empty. When he turned back to his two friends he noticed Lily looking away from him quickly and giving James a communicative stare.
James frowned questionably at her then looked at Sirius for a moment and back again. "Oh right! I should go check on him, shouldn't I?" he said looking at his girlfriend to see if he'd read he signs correctly. He had. "Right. Back in a minute," he said, placing his glass back on the table.
"I'll go," Sirius interjected, downing the rest of his glass in an instance.
"You sure? I don't mind." James asked.
And give up the chance to get rid of this hard on? Sirius thought.
"No. I'll go. To tell you the truth I'm feeling a bit off myself. Must have been the fish." Sirius excused himself feebly considering he hadn't mentioned anything about feeling unwell up until that moment. "I might have a bit of a lie down as well."
He put his glass down and bid his friends goodbye. He could feel his whole body throbbing with anticipation. All he had to do was get through this crowd and he could be with Remus within minutes.
Sirius, I'm waiting for you. If you don't hurry I might have to start without you.
Sirius started pushing harder through the crowd, many threw him disdainful looks as he barrelled by, but he was getting closer to the doors and he really didn't care.
A hand grabbed his arm, and try as he might, he couldn't dislodge it.
"What!" he hissed, spinning to attack whoever was impeding his journey.
"Umm, look," James said, suddenly looking more abashed then Sirius had ever seen him. Over James's shoulder, Sirius could see Lily spying the two of them while talking to Peter and his date. "I just, umm, I wanted you to know that if, you know, you wanted some..." James trailed off for a moment still not making eye contact with Sirius.
"What is it, Prongs?" Sirius asked, trying to push down the aggravation he was feeling.
"Well," James continued after taking a deep breath. "The Ball is going until midnight, y'know, and it's only nine now so... "
"I know that, James."
"We won't be back until midnight, Peter and me, I mean. I'll make sure we're not back until midnight. Or later... if you want."
Something in the words finally broke through to Sirius. James knew. He knew about Remus and him, and if James knew, Lily knew. Sirius's eyes flew back to the red-head Gryffindor just in time to see her turn away again. Her face had been slightly blushed, just as James's was now.
"I just wanted you to know that," James explained. "Just in case you wanted some... some privacy."
Sirius raised his eyebrows at the last statement and without thinking about it, a smile broke across his face.
"Prongs, my old man," Sirius laughed. "I don't think I've ever seen you look so bashful."
James looked up to see the laughter in Sirius's eyes.
"Well," James reasoned, trying to play it cool. "What do you want me to say? 'Padfoot, you have three hours to bugger each other senseless.' " James looked shocked at his own words for a moment and then burst into laughter.
Several heads turned as Sirius and James howled in laughter.
"Well, that wasn't so bad was it?" Sirius asked teasingly.
"Fuck you, Padfoot."
Sirius raised his eyebrows at the statement and James, realising what he said, started to turn crimson yet again.
"Just go, Padfoot!"
Sirius smiled, "Okay." He turned to leave but a second later turn back. "How did you... I mean, I'm sorry we didn't tell you but how did you figure it out?"
"I didn't," James smiled, his eyes sparkling indecipherably.
"But..."
***
To say Remus was a little worked up when Sirius finally made it to his side would be an understatement, but it took only the removal of Sirius's clothes to appease him. In between fervent kisses and caresses, Sirius managed to tell his lover what had happened.
"I always knew she was a clever girl."
"I don't think she'd like to be called a girl!"
"I don't care right now. I just want to take advantage of our three hours."
"You know you just ripped my robes!"
"You can remind me tomorrow; I might actually give a damn then."
"So... are we going to...?"
"Yes!... Oh god, I mean, do you want to?"
"Yes, I just... I've never..."
"You haven't?"
"No... You thought I had?
"Well... yeah. At Christmas you said-"
"I've done stuff, just not that."
"You have to be able to at least say it if we're going to do it."
"What?"
"Say sex."
"Why?"
"Because."
"You think I won't."
"I think you're avoiding it."
"I'm not."
"Then say it."
"You say it."
"I already have."
"When?"
"About five minutes ago!"
"Oh."
"... We don't have to."
"I want to."
"You do?
"Yes! Desperately, madly, passionately. I want to do it. I'm just..."
"Scared?"
"Yes."
"We can wait."
"No. I'm just... I'm worried it will change things."
"It will change everything."
Blue eyes looked into the loving amber ones in front of them.
"Promise?"
"I promise."
As the Graduation Ball continued in the Hall below, a great cloud of change past over the enchanted ceiling at Hogwarts. More than one decision had been made that night. More promises would be exchanged and vows taken than these young minds had even begun to comprehend.
This interlude in the young life of two men would become something of the past. A happy memory tainted by mistrust and fear. And yet, a memory clung to as a remembrance of a life more ordinary. A life made blissful by a single word.
A promise.
***
Final Author's note: Thank you, thank you, thank you to all
those who read this story in its early stages and prompted me to continue and also
to everyone who reviewed along the way. This has been an interesting way of
getting into the heads of my two favourite characters and I hope you like it.
N.B. I know the last conversation is hard to follow and
this is down to my own choice; my beta's told me to change it but, hey, I'm
stubborn. Actually, I wanted it to end like this to show how easily these two
can communicate now. They don't need too much explanation of feelings. They have
melded into one, so they understand how the other feels.
Ok, I'm stopping now. Please review.