It was dark when Qui-Gon opened his eyes. He had originally woke because he'd been too warm, but now he felt chilled. He shivered and glanced around at the black woods. Tahl lay next to him, sleeping deeply. His blue eyes narrowed. "That wasn't a fair trick." he scolded the sleeping girl. But whatever she had put on his hand had made it feel better. He looked down at the bandage which covered the wound. It didn't hurt so badly. Qui-Gon flexed his fingers experimentally, but pain shot through his ruined hand so he ceased his actions with a sigh. He'd have to visit the healers when he got home to the temple. "*If* I ever get home." he thought miserably, rolling over on his stomach seeking a position to take some of the strain off of his torn muscles. It wasn't the awful pain he had felt earlier, but enough to make him very uncomfortable. He cupped his chin in his hands, suppressing a moan. He felt cold and achy and now his chest hurt. He lay his head to the side, staring off into the darkness.
During the day the forest had seemed big and majestic, but now the vastness of it made Qui-Gon feel very alone and small. It was so dark. He shivered again, rubbing his arms.
Next to him Tahl instinctively moved closer. It was strange; he thought in a detached sort of way, that instead of shrinking away from him as would be natural, she scooted closer to keep him warm. He was glad for the it; leaning into her, he felt some of the cold lessen. A moment later he felt her stir and heard a soft sigh.
"Are you awake then?" her sleep-roughened voice held amusement.
Qui-Gon felt his face grow red. He hadn't meant to wake her.
"What's the matter?" he felt her turn over so that she was facing him.
"It's so cold." he murmured softly, turning his face to her. "I didn't mean to bother you..." he ducked his head, embarrassed. But when he looked up even in the darkness he knew she was grinning.
"You're quite noisy when you're cold." she laughed softy and scooted closer to him; wrapping an arm around her surprised friend. She felt him tremble as she hugged him to her. She frowned. "You *are* cold!"
"I know..." he moaned. His voice was close to her cheek. "This planet is freezing at night."
"No..." she whispered. She ran her hand up the side of his face, resting it on his flushed forehead. "You're a little too warm." she felt his skin temperature again with the back of her hand. "Fever." she sighed, her eyes narrowing slightly. "Small wonder!"
Qui-Gon tilted his head to the side. "What-"
She shushed him. "Don't worry about it. You're going to be fine, its just a little temperature. Get some sleep." Tahl felt him nod. She closed her emerald eyes and it wasn't long before she felt sleep pulling at her consciousness.
Qui-Gon, however, lay awake beside her, thinking. He didn't close his sad blue eyes until long after the moons had begun to fade...
***
The morning was grey and misty. Tahl rolled over listlessly, staring off into the haze. The rain had not ceased during the night; it was still steadily beating down on the forest like it would never stop. Tahl sighed and sat up, rubbing her eyes and stretching.
She turned to Qui-Gon and laid a cool hand on his forehead. He was raging with fever. Her brows knit together in concerned lines. Normally she wouldn't be worried but in his weakened state she wasn't sure if Qui-Gon's body could effectively fight it. She knew he had been very sick in the prison, but was hoping he was at the recovery phase. This would complicate things. And he had been through so much already...
Shaking her head with fresh resolve she stood and retrieved her pack. She had some rations, but not enough to last them weeks. It all depended on if Qui-Gon would recover enough to make a run for it before they ran out. He would, of course, she told herself assuredly. Qui-Gon was made of strong stuff.
She arranged their meager supplies and took stock of what they had; there was little else to do while her friend slept. So Tahl lay back and watched the rain.
It was a few hours before Qui-Gon finally stirred awake. His grey-blue eyes were cloudy as they sought out reassurance from Tahl. The girl wished she could give him some.
"Are you feeling any better?" she asked, scooting closer. She lay hand on his shoulder gently, angling him toward her. His eyes were tired and his answer came softer than a whisper.
"..cold."
She felt his forehead, chewing her bottom lip. "You still have a high temperature. Oh!" she exclaimed, remembering suddenly. She handed him a canteen. "Here, drink this."
Qui-Gon didn't think anything could feel as good as the cool water against his bloodied, cracked lips. He swallowed it down; his parched body needing every drop desperately. He had forgotten how wonderful simple, clean water was, or how nice it felt to just be able to drink it. The coolness of the life-giving fluid was like a gift to his thirsty soul.
"Easy...drink it slowly." Tahl chided gently, absently rubbing circles on his shoulder.
Qui-Gon handed it back to her with grateful eyes. "Thank you..." he whispered, and Tahl realized he was thanking her for much more than a drink of water.
Tahl reached up an gave a soft tug on his braid, a half-smile showing, despite her best efforts to conceal it. She tucked the slim portion of hair behind his ear, and this time, Qui-Gon let her. They stared into each others eyes and for the first time in a long while, everything felt right.
The moment passed. Qui-Gon shuddered with chills and took another sip of water, leaning back against the tree. Tahl watched him. "You should lay back down. Sleep will help you recover."
Qui-Gon looked like he would like to protest, but was too weak to argue with her. He obediently lay down and curled up in the blanket. He felt a little better, but was still exhausted from the entire ordeal. His body was taking a good amount of energy to heal. He'd never been so depleted over an injury before. Never so drained. But further thought fell apart as he drifted to sleep.
Tahl watched his features soften into a mask of sleep. She knew he needed it. He would be alright, all he needed was to rest and give his body a break. The stress on it had been very high; the starvation and cold would have taken a large toil on their own even without the complications of the beatings. She felt so bad for her friend; a maternal tugging made her want to hold him and tell him it would all be alright. But instead, she stroked his hair as he slept; wishing she could somehow turn back time.
His fever was breaking, but she guessed that he would sleep for a few more hours. Tahl decided it would be okay to leave him for a bit to go check out the campsite. She stood and ducked out into the drizzle, following the sound of the water. Meanwhile, Qui-Gon slept on.
*
He couldn't say it was darkness. What was the dark, but an absence of light? No, this wasn't merely a lack of the glowing warmth, but rather a total sea of blackness; of inky nothing that made him want to curl up like a frightened child. The pain was bad, but nothing compared to the sheer blinding terror that coursed through him. He'd never in his life felt horror like this. He wanted to shrink into a ball and hide but the binds held him upright, exposed to the soul-piercing void. Tears filled his eyes and his breaths became sobs. He wished that his captors would come back, just so he wouldn't be alone! It was so cold and he was so afraid... afraid of the dark. Bowing his head he cried unrestrainedly in utter fright, throwing his body against the binding...
"Qui-Gon! Hey! Calm down!" Tahl's voice was full of panic as she literally sat on his chest to keep him down. Her wide eyes met his streaming ones, and their gazes locked. The thrashing Jedi immediately ceased his struggles, staring blankly into her face as tears rolled down his cheeks.
"Shhh-" she soothed, watching him, a mixture of fright and sympathy on her lovely face. She was unnerved, but nothing compared to the wild terror of her friend. She released his arms, getting off him, but still with a hand over his chest in case he went berserk again. "Are you alright?"
He stared hard at her, almost trying to reassure himself that she was real. He had been back, back in the prison..but, had it been only a dream? Qui-Gon shook his head, trying to clear it. No, he was out of hell...Tahl had come, yes, he remembered now. But then why was the fear still with him?
He could work it out in sleepless nights to come. Right now, he thought it best to reassure Tahl that he was mentally stable. "Yes..."he croaked, sitting up and rubbing his temples. "Just...just a dream."
"Must of been *some* dream! Stars and galaxies!" Tahl exclaimed, shuddering. He didn't reply, rather focusing on trying to clear his confused head. His friend did not pry further but he could feel concern bubbling beneath her calm surface. Qui-Gon remained silent. He didn't want to talk about it now. He didn't want to re-live anything. He took a few sips of water and breathed.
"It's nothing." he finally mumbled.
Tahl studied him a long moment. "Then why are you hiding from me?" she murmured bluntly. He stared at her in shock, bewildered by her abrupt question. She saw a spasm of fear dance across his features and then evaporate in the span of seconds. A battle between stubborn self-sufficiency and a genuine desire to unburden his heart. Tahl continued to watch. She was sick of this disguise. Did he think she couldn't feel his internal torment? Why was he shielding his feelings? What was he trying to mask?
"I won't hurt you. You don't have to veil what you're going through." she reached out a hand toward him...
Suddenly Qui-Gon looked up, his eyes blazing. Something within him snapped. "Listen! I don't want to talk about it!" he yelled, color flushing his cheeks crimson.
Tahl pulled away, startled. She had never heard him use that tone before, nor had she ever seen his eyes look so dark. She thought for a moment that he might hit her. Then in a rush of sudden clarity, she could see the black shadow that had seeped into his aura. For the first time she saw past his shields to the emptiness she had been blind to. It frightened her. For days she had feared for his life, but now...losing his pure heart and gentle spirit to darkness would be a fate worse than death. What would he become?
"Tahl-" his voice was a ragged gasp. She turned her head away, broken by what she had felt. She couldn't bear to look at him, to see the face she loved marked by such darkness.
"I-I'm sorry..." he stammered in a soft pleading whisper.
She held up a trembling hand to silence him, but did not turn. "Please...don't speak."
Qui-Gon lay his head in his hands in utter shame. He would rather have taken a thousand lashes than have Tahl say those words. It confirmed everything that he himself had feared, that although he was out of the prison the darkness was still a part of him. He had been marked, his soul burned by the hate and fear. Tahl knew. He felt the floodgates inside him shatter and the flow of anguish became more than he could bear. Would she leave him? Would she desert him? Everyone else had, why shouldn't she? He'd lost his only ally. His only friend. He wanted to run but was so drained by the rush of emotion that he could hardly breathe. The helpless despair inside him built to a crescendo. Covering his eyes he broke down, crying softly the bitter tears he had tried so hard to mask.
Tahl could feel misery the rolling off him in waves. Now she understood why he had hidden his emotions from her. He'd been afraid that she'd sense the anger. The fear. The flood of un-jedi like feelings swirling in a maelstrom of pain inside his battered body. She heard his soft tears. She half turned, fearing what she would find. He was resting his head on his hands as if he lacked the strength to support it on his own. Tears marked his cheeks with wet paths across the grime that still clung to his skin. He looked utterly broken. But, Tahl realized, he was just a crying boy. She saw no darkness now, only sorrow. She gently felt for him in the force. His carefully guarded mental shields had crumbled in the rush of emotions, and now everything he had desperately hidden was exposed.
"What?" she said out of the blue. He looked up at her, perplexed and flinching with a trace of fear as if expecting a blow. "What?!" she repeated, her eyes narrowed slightly, her tone accusing. "Do you think that I would shun you, for the unforgivable sin of being scared? For feeling pain, or darkness?" She saw him give a half-hearted shrug. Sighing Tahl cupped his cheek in her hand, so their eyes met. "I know it hurts. It will for a while. But I just want you to know I'm here. You don't have to hide."
Qui-Gon wished he could reply. The out flow of emotion had left the young Jedi strangely empty, drained, but better. It was like a release. He struggled for words.
"I apologize for yelling at you like that." Finally left his lips. Tahl smiled at him, trying hard not to laugh. How typically Qui-Gon. A dignified apology complimented by a characteristic blush; as if he were merely asking pardon for being late to a lesson, or some other petty thing. It was short and gentlemanly, absolutely no-nonsense. If he had not just bared his soul, if tears were not running down his face she would have thought nothing of it.
"And I-I...I shouldn't have intruded into your business..." she looked down. "It's just...it bothers me to see you so sad, that's all."
"I-" He started to reply, but she silenced him with a wave. Tahl knew what he would say. Something told her he needed some time to himself more than he needed to apologize. And she needed a moment...
"Sh, just relax. I'll be back in a moment, I'm going to fetch some wood." Tahl hurried off before he could protest.
Qui-Gon watched her leave, feeling drained and raw. But not so scared. Not so sad. It was almost as if the flood of tears had washed him clean, emptying him out of the darkness that had been slowly consuming his spirit. The relief tasted sweet. Qui-Gon straightened, feeling the soreness in his shoulders. He watched the forest for any sign of Tahl.
Before long, she appeared beside him, a bundle of sticks in her arms. She began to busy herself making a fire as he watched. Her eyes were red and she looked like she'd been crying. He felt guilt dig into him. She had tried to hide it. Maybe washed her face. But her steady assurance was back.
"Well, anyway, I'm glad you're up and about." she stated, as if continuing a conversation they had been having. Stilling her movements, she winked at him. "It gets so dull without you, you know?"
She was able to coax a small smile, the first in days. "Of course. Wouldn't want to bore you." There was a hint of his old sarcasm in his tone. He stretched out against the tree trunk, yawning in a sort of not-quite-awake-yet way. He put the dream, the fear, everything out of his mind. Focus on the now.
"What are you doing?" he asked, watching her through half-closed eyelids as she began tending to something in a pot over the small fire.
"Cooking, what does it look like?!" she rolled her eyes in mock exasperation. He shot her an 'I'm not amused' look and she laughed.
"I can see that! Fine then,*what* are you cooking?" he wrinkled his nose at the bubbling concoction into which she was randomly throwing ingredients from her survival pack. "I didn't know you could cook. It looks...somewhat...off."
"Of course I can cook!" Tahl answered, beginning to look irritated but at the same time amused at his words. She waved the spoon threateningly at him. "It's um..." she glanced down at the pot. "...soup. And don't criticize things you don't understand."
"But-ah-I wasn't..."
"No! No excuses! Sh!" Tahl made a slashing motion with the spoon, brandishing it comically. She glared, watching as her friend flopped over on his stomach, heaving a drawn out sigh.
"You're rather irritable when it comes to culinary skill," he observed, sniffing airily.
"You're rather irritable when it comes to the braid of yours!" Tahl grinned, soup forgotten as she swiped at it playfully. Qui-Gon yelped and pulled away from her.
"*Tahl*" he groaned. "Just don't play with it!" he shook his head at her. "Honestly."
Tahl ignored him and began filling the tin cups she had in her pack full of the soup. She handed him a cup of steaming liquid. "Honestly, yourself. Quit whining and eat something." she murmured in a tone that gave no argument.
Qui-Gon sighed again and took the cup. He blew on the soup to cool it, watching her as she did the same.
"Have you heard anything from the Muh-Hadden?" he asked abruptly, titling his head to the side quizzically.
"Not a peep. No search parties, no anything. Don't worry, Li said he'd tell them we went toward the village."
Qui-Gon turned his gaze off into the woods. "Do you think we're safe here then?"
"'course." Tahl said, her mouth full. "Eat 'cher soup"
Qui-Gon smiled at her, and then sipped the warm liquid gratefully. It was rather bland, but filling, and he liked it. It made him feel warm as it slid inside him. His sore throat felt better. Heat seeped into his fingers from the cup.
Tahl made a face. "Bleah. Kind of tasteless, isn't it?" she set her own cup down. "Maybe you were right about my cooking. Huh, I'm sure it's good for you." she shrugged.
"I think it's good-" Qui-Gon offered mildly, but Tahl cut him off.
"Here. Have a energy bar." she tossed a ration pack at him. He unwrapped one and threw the pack back at her. Tahl caught it and began to fish around for more ingredients for her soup.
"I think maybe if I add something to it...hm, lets see, what do we have?"
"Maybe there's some native herbs around here," Qui-Gon suggested.
"Yes, but I don't know any!" Tahl replied, still searching and finding nothing.
" I had some information in my pack..." he sighed sadly. "But they took my pack, didn't they? And my shirt. And my boots. And my saber." he looked definitely miserable now. Qui-Gon flopped down, food forgotten. "Dooku is going to kill me...even more than for getting captured! My lightsaber!" he moaned.
Tahl shook her head, confused. "He's going to kill you for getting captured? Why?" she raised a quizzical eyebrow at him.
Her friend lay his chin in his hands. "They pummeled me Tahl. Wiped the floor with, some would say. Me, the padawan of the great Yan Dooku. The greatest saber master in the Temple." there was a bitter pride in his voice. "A band of soldiers versus a Jedi and I ended up captured. Maybe it's best they took my lightsaber. It's obvious I can't handle it."
Tahl rolled her eyes. "Don't be a ninny."
"Seriously. I'm going to be in the training gym until next month. Providing I ever get home. Which looks like a slim chance, with all the Muh-"
"Qui-Gon." in an instant she was inches from his face. Her voice was eloquent, with a strain of uncharacteristic anger. "We *are* going home. And I didn't come all this way and save your worthless hide to hear you whine about how pathetic you are!" Tahl gritted her teeth savagely with determination. "We *are* getting out of here! And you can come or I can drag you."
Qui-Gon stared at her in shock. "I-" he began but Tahl cut him off. Her anger had left in a flash and now she looked excited about something.
"And another thing." she pulled something out of her pack, a smile escaping. "I believe this is yours?" A silver cylinder dropped into his lap. He stared at it in disbelief as she beamed. "You shouldn't leave your things lying about! Some poor Muh-Hadden could trip over it!"
"You're amazing." Qui-Gon whispered, turning his saber over and checking for damage. "You really are."
Tahl's dark honey colored cheeks were singed with rose. "Of course. What's a Jedi without a lightsaber, hm? Actually thank Li. He's the one who knew where it was."
He smiled happily at her, toying with the hilt in his hand. They sat in silence for a moment as Qui-Gon continued to inspect his saber. Satisfied at last that the weapon was not damaged in the least he leaned back against a tree, looking so genuinely *happy* that Tahl couldn't help but smile back.
She turned her attention back to the soup. There wasn't much that could effectively be added to it in her pack, but she had made do. It did seem a bit "off" as Qui-Gon had mentioned, but Tahl was convinced that it could be saved. She threw in a bit of this and that in and stirred again. Then she handed the cup again to Qui-Gon.
"Here. The improved version." she grinned.
Qui-Gon looked doubtful. "Why aren't you having any?" he asked suspiciously, glancing down at the concoction.
"You need it. EAT."
"Alright, alright!" he tasted it and looked up at her with a pained expression on his features. "Mm." he swallowed, eyes watering. "Salty."
Tahl stuck her little finger into the soup, which now had an almost jelly-like consistency, and tried it. She spit it out directly.
"Perhaps just a bit salty."
She handed him the canteen, which he took gratefully. Qui-Gon supposed he was hungry a little, but not so much hungry as desperately thirsty. He hadn't had sufficient water for more than two weeks, and his body pleaded for the pure substance more than anything. He closed his eyes, drinking deeply. He had taken water for granted all his life. Splashing a little on his fingers, he wiped at his stinging eyes, which were puffy and red from crying. The water soothed them.
Tahl smiled at her friends muddy, streaked face. "In need of a bath?"
He grinned back good-naturedley . "It's been a while, hasn't it?" He wiped his cheek and the clean spot seemed almost out of place. "Eh, a little grime never killed anyone."
"A little?" She laughed.
He wrinkled his nose at her. "You're one to talk."
Tahl looked down at her tunic, which was wrinkled, torn and dusty, stained with her friend's blood. She snorted. "We're quite a pair, aren't we?"
Qui-Gon leaned back. "Tahl, you're beautiful. I'm so glad to see you here. So glad you came." his voice grew distant.
The girl looked down. "Of course I came." She mumbled, tweaking his braid affectionately. "...couldn't just leave you."
They were silent a moment. Then Qui-Gon perked up.
"Are you going to finish that soup?"
Tahl grinned.
TBC…(come on, hang with me, I'm working on part 10! ^_^ Oh, and while I'm talking to you all, I'd like to say a big THANK YOU to you wonderful people who have reviewed! It's really an encouragement, and it keeps me posting! Thank you!)