Chapter 3
The endless thumping of horse hooves is the only sound as we make our way down the dusty road. Two days have passed since the fight at the temple and I still can't believe Gabrielle is gone. Several times I have caught myself looking back expecting to see the little blond rushing to catch up. Each time I find only the empty road we are slowly leaving behind.
I'm glad to finally be away from the temple, but I can't say I'm looking forward to arriving in Poteidaia. Though Saraphen seems anxious about returning home, I know Xena must be dreading this journey. I don't envy her having to tell Gabrielle's family of her death.
The days pass with little conversation between us, strange how the silence itself serves as a painful reminder of the bard's absence. Each silent step seems to drive Xena deeper into herself. She only speaks when necessary and her movements seem more out of habit than thought.
Since the temple she hardly eats and then only after I pester her. As for sleep she hasn't for at least two days. At night when I finally drift off she is sitting, staring into the fire. When I awake after a few restless hours I find her in the same spot still staring.
The first night as we stood by the funeral pyres I expected her to mourn. But as we watched the fires, the only sign of her pain was a single tear which slide effortlessly down her cheek. I know Xena is not one for emotional displays but I expected more of a reaction to her best friend's death. At first her callousness angered me. Looking back on it perhaps what really bothered me was my own lack of emotions that night. Gabrielle's death has left me numb and I'm not sure I'll ever feel anything again.
Several times I've tried to talk with her but she refuses to discuss Gabrielle's death. It's almost as if she's trying to ignore it. Though she refuses to talk her actions speak volumes. At night when she's unpacking Argo, items are thrown to the side without a thought, until she reaches Gabrielle's belongings. With great care each piece is gently removed and lovingly set to the side. Each night the little bard's scroll bag is placed in a safe place to protect its treasured contents. I'm afraid of what Xena might do when her grief finally comes to the surface. Still I know the longer she ignores it the worse it will be. If only I knew how to help her.
I catch myself looking over my shoulder again. At the sight of the empty road I silently curse my foolishness. She's gone, why can't I accept that?
From the corner of my eye I notice Xena stealing a backward glance as well. Though she tries to cover the action this is not the first time I've caught her searching for Gabrielle. As she turns back our eyes meet, though her face is stone cold her eyes cry out to me. Unable to face the grief there I quickly look away. Immediately I regret the action and turn back. But, it is too late, her moment of weakness has passed and she is focused on the road ahead. Why am I such a coward? She needs someone to lean on, yet every time she shows any signs of grieving I turn away.
Behind me Saraphen shifts slightly. I had forgotten she was there and the reminder of her presents irritates me. Her actions over the last few days have been less than helpful. She insists on riding with me or walking, refusing to have anything to do with Xena. The few times she does deal with the warrior she is rude and hateful. It's as though she blames Xena for Gabrielle's death. Though Xena seems to ignore it, it's driving me crazy.
Perhaps if I had been paying closer attention that first night I could have prevented the argument. But as usual I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Since that night the tension between the two women has grown worse. I only hope we can reach Poteidaia without them killing each other.
Again I find myself looking back for the bard. Shaking my head wearily. 'Gods, I hate this road.'
The endless thumping of horse hooves is the only sound as we make our way down the dusty road. Two days have passed since the fight at the temple and I still can't believe Gabrielle is gone. Several times I have caught myself looking back expecting to see the little blond rushing to catch up. Each time I find only the empty road we are slowly leaving behind.
I'm glad to finally be away from the temple, but I can't say I'm looking forward to arriving in Poteidaia. Though Saraphen seems anxious about returning home, I know Xena must be dreading this journey. I don't envy her having to tell Gabrielle's family of her death.
The days pass with little conversation between us, strange how the silence itself serves as a painful reminder of the bard's absence. Each silent step seems to drive Xena deeper into herself. She only speaks when necessary and her movements seem more out of habit than thought.
Since the temple she hardly eats and then only after I pester her. As for sleep she hasn't for at least two days. At night when I finally drift off she is sitting, staring into the fire. When I awake after a few restless hours I find her in the same spot still staring.
The first night as we stood by the funeral pyres I expected her to mourn. But as we watched the fires, the only sign of her pain was a single tear which slide effortlessly down her cheek. I know Xena is not one for emotional displays but I expected more of a reaction to her best friend's death. At first her callousness angered me. Looking back on it perhaps what really bothered me was my own lack of emotions that night. Gabrielle's death has left me numb and I'm not sure I'll ever feel anything again.
Several times I've tried to talk with her but she refuses to discuss Gabrielle's death. It's almost as if she's trying to ignore it. Though she refuses to talk her actions speak volumes. At night when she's unpacking Argo, items are thrown to the side without a thought, until she reaches Gabrielle's belongings. With great care each piece is gently removed and lovingly set to the side. Each night the little bard's scroll bag is placed in a safe place to protect its treasured contents. I'm afraid of what Xena might do when her grief finally comes to the surface. Still I know the longer she ignores it the worse it will be. If only I knew how to help her.
I catch myself looking over my shoulder again. At the sight of the empty road I silently curse my foolishness. She's gone, why can't I accept that?
From the corner of my eye I notice Xena stealing a backward glance as well. Though she tries to cover the action this is not the first time I've caught her searching for Gabrielle. As she turns back our eyes meet, though her face is stone cold her eyes cry out to me. Unable to face the grief there I quickly look away. Immediately I regret the action and turn back. But, it is too late, her moment of weakness has passed and she is focused on the road ahead. Why am I such a coward? She needs someone to lean on, yet every time she shows any signs of grieving I turn away.
Behind me Saraphen shifts slightly. I had forgotten she was there and the reminder of her presents irritates me. Her actions over the last few days have been less than helpful. She insists on riding with me or walking, refusing to have anything to do with Xena. The few times she does deal with the warrior she is rude and hateful. It's as though she blames Xena for Gabrielle's death. Though Xena seems to ignore it, it's driving me crazy.
Perhaps if I had been paying closer attention that first night I could have prevented the argument. But as usual I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Since that night the tension between the two women has grown worse. I only hope we can reach Poteidaia without them killing each other.
Again I find myself looking back for the bard. Shaking my head wearily. 'Gods, I hate this road.'