Chapter 4
Sitting up camp has become a thoughtless ritual. Usually it follows the same pattern, I gather firewood, while Xena tends to Argo. Saraphen makes a feeble attempt at preparing food, not that any of us will eat it. After dinner we each find things to do, anything so we won't have to talk to one another. Tonight is no different. Saraphen has gone for water. For lack of anything better to do I sit drawing in the dirt with a stick. Across the fire from me Xena sits with sword and stone in hand. The steady rasping of metal against stone is strangely comforting. With all that has happened it is the one familiar thing I can hold on to.
"Stop it!" screams Saraphen as she enters the camp. Apparently she doesn't find Xena's nightly ritual as comforting as I do.
"Just stop it!" Saraphen tightly clasps her hands over her ears. "You're driving me crazy with that noise!"
The rasping has stopped but Xena says nothing.
Saraphen glares down at the warrior. "Every night you sit there making that hideous sound over and over again."
"I need to sharpen my sword." answers Xena calmly. Raising the stone to the blade once more. "Sit down."
It is neither an order nor a command but it's all Saraphen needs.
"No! I won't sit down and I'm tired of your bullying me!"
"I'm trying to keep you alive."
"That is just your excuse for pushing me around! Well not anymore! I'm through taking orders from you! You and your precious sword can go straight to Tarusas!"
I'm amaze at how calmly Xena is taking this browbeating. I wonder how much longer it will last.
Studying the younger woman for a moment the warrior replies calmly. "You'll probably get your wish." turning back to her sword.
"I don't understand you. You went out of your way to give your enemy a proper burial, yet you haven't shed a single tear for a woman who was suppose to be your best friend. Gabrielle gave her life to save you, don't you even care!"
"My grief is my own!" snaps the warrior meeting the accusing brown eyes. With more restraint she adds. "I don't expect you to understand it...or me."
Saraphen shakes her head in disgust. "I'll never understand how Gabrielle could have called such a cold hearted monster her friend."
If Xena answered the insult I never heard it. The roar of blood pounding in my ears drowns out all sound as I leap to my feet reaching for the little fool. Roughly jerking her around I grab her upper arms tightly. "Enough! Sit down, shut up and leave her alone!" I realize I'm violently shaking her with each word.
Brown eyes wide with fear stare back at me. As I release her she carefully pushes past me to her bedroll. Without a word she drops onto the ground pulling the blanket over her head. The covered mass jerks slightly as muffled sobs escape from beneath it.
A heavy sigh escapes me as I realize that was probably not the best way to handle the situation. Knowing I've screwed up once again I turn to Xena for help, she is staring at me. Though her face is solid as stone her eyes are dancing with emotion. Perhaps now is the time for us to talk about the last few days. Swallowing hard I take a step towards her. Carefully she sets aside the sword and stone before gracefully raising to her feet. Holding my gaze for a moment she turns away walking into the forest.
As she disappears into the darkness I start to follow. Now is the time to force her to face her grief. As I reach the edge of the clearing my courage wanes. What can I do to help her? She needs her family now not some wandering idiot she barely tolerates. 'You're her friend.' Argues a voice from the depths of my mind. Some friend, I scoff. 'Xena and I think of you as family.' whispers another voice. When Gabrielle was caring for me after the beating, I could have sworn I heard her say it. But, the memory is hazy and I don't know if it was real or imagined. Staring at the dark forest I know the answer. It had to be a dream. Why would they consider a coward like me a friend much less family? Returning to my bedroll I try to find a comfortable position. Xena had said we would reach Poteidaia tomorrow. Maybe things will be better there. Shifting on the hard ground I know it's going to be a long night.
Sitting up camp has become a thoughtless ritual. Usually it follows the same pattern, I gather firewood, while Xena tends to Argo. Saraphen makes a feeble attempt at preparing food, not that any of us will eat it. After dinner we each find things to do, anything so we won't have to talk to one another. Tonight is no different. Saraphen has gone for water. For lack of anything better to do I sit drawing in the dirt with a stick. Across the fire from me Xena sits with sword and stone in hand. The steady rasping of metal against stone is strangely comforting. With all that has happened it is the one familiar thing I can hold on to.
"Stop it!" screams Saraphen as she enters the camp. Apparently she doesn't find Xena's nightly ritual as comforting as I do.
"Just stop it!" Saraphen tightly clasps her hands over her ears. "You're driving me crazy with that noise!"
The rasping has stopped but Xena says nothing.
Saraphen glares down at the warrior. "Every night you sit there making that hideous sound over and over again."
"I need to sharpen my sword." answers Xena calmly. Raising the stone to the blade once more. "Sit down."
It is neither an order nor a command but it's all Saraphen needs.
"No! I won't sit down and I'm tired of your bullying me!"
"I'm trying to keep you alive."
"That is just your excuse for pushing me around! Well not anymore! I'm through taking orders from you! You and your precious sword can go straight to Tarusas!"
I'm amaze at how calmly Xena is taking this browbeating. I wonder how much longer it will last.
Studying the younger woman for a moment the warrior replies calmly. "You'll probably get your wish." turning back to her sword.
"I don't understand you. You went out of your way to give your enemy a proper burial, yet you haven't shed a single tear for a woman who was suppose to be your best friend. Gabrielle gave her life to save you, don't you even care!"
"My grief is my own!" snaps the warrior meeting the accusing brown eyes. With more restraint she adds. "I don't expect you to understand it...or me."
Saraphen shakes her head in disgust. "I'll never understand how Gabrielle could have called such a cold hearted monster her friend."
If Xena answered the insult I never heard it. The roar of blood pounding in my ears drowns out all sound as I leap to my feet reaching for the little fool. Roughly jerking her around I grab her upper arms tightly. "Enough! Sit down, shut up and leave her alone!" I realize I'm violently shaking her with each word.
Brown eyes wide with fear stare back at me. As I release her she carefully pushes past me to her bedroll. Without a word she drops onto the ground pulling the blanket over her head. The covered mass jerks slightly as muffled sobs escape from beneath it.
A heavy sigh escapes me as I realize that was probably not the best way to handle the situation. Knowing I've screwed up once again I turn to Xena for help, she is staring at me. Though her face is solid as stone her eyes are dancing with emotion. Perhaps now is the time for us to talk about the last few days. Swallowing hard I take a step towards her. Carefully she sets aside the sword and stone before gracefully raising to her feet. Holding my gaze for a moment she turns away walking into the forest.
As she disappears into the darkness I start to follow. Now is the time to force her to face her grief. As I reach the edge of the clearing my courage wanes. What can I do to help her? She needs her family now not some wandering idiot she barely tolerates. 'You're her friend.' Argues a voice from the depths of my mind. Some friend, I scoff. 'Xena and I think of you as family.' whispers another voice. When Gabrielle was caring for me after the beating, I could have sworn I heard her say it. But, the memory is hazy and I don't know if it was real or imagined. Staring at the dark forest I know the answer. It had to be a dream. Why would they consider a coward like me a friend much less family? Returning to my bedroll I try to find a comfortable position. Xena had said we would reach Poteidaia tomorrow. Maybe things will be better there. Shifting on the hard ground I know it's going to be a long night.