Chapter 10
Morning sunlight works it's way into the hut bringing with it a crushing sense of loneliness. The emptiness has returned and somehow seems stronger than before. It's hard to believe I was actually feeling good last night. I should have known it wouldn't last. Pacing the length of the small hut my mind stumbles through the memories of the night's events. Everything was so different last night, I felt so alive. If only I could go back there. That's it I'll go to the square there must be something there that will bring those feelings back. Bolting out the door I have to force myself not to run the entire way.
Entering the village I'm disappointed to find all signs of the evening's ceremonies have been cleared away. Even the ashes from the funeral pyre are gone. Did last night really happen? Desperately searching for something to ease my fears I turn to find Ephiny stalking across the square. Judging from the Amazon's determined strides it would seem I'm not the only one having a bad day. Though as she draws closer I have the sinking feeling my mine is about to get worse.
"You have to stop her." she demands.
"Stop who?" I ask.
"Xena, she wants to leave."
"Leave?! When?"
"She's saddling Argo right now."
-------------------
Racing to the stables I wonder if madness has finally claimed the warrior. How can she think of traveling in her condition? This the safest place for her to rest and heal. Besides Ephiny is here I know she can help Xena through her grief. Reaching for the stable door it swings open, nearly knocking me to the ground. I bite back a curse as Xena steps out leading Argo. Too my surprise she's leading my horse as well.
"Good, your up. I was just coming to get you."
"What are you doing?" the despair in my voice sounds pathetic even to my own ears.
"It's time to go." she answers turning to adjust the straps on Argo's saddle.
"Go where?" I demand.
"Pack your things." she says, ignoring my question. "I want to leave as soon as possible."
"No." I snap, firmly planting both feet, with arms defiantly folded across my chest. "Not till you tell me where we're going."
As she spins to face me I see the old flame in her eyes. Swallowing hard I take an involuntary step back, waiting for the blow.
Seeing my fear her anger fades as quickly as it came. Slowly she turns back to Argo. "Stay here if you want, but I'm leaving."
Watching her reach for the saddle horn I know she means it. "Wait! I'll get my stuff."
"I'll meet you in the square." she calls as I sprint away.
-----------------------
Back in the square I find Ephiny desperately pleading with the warrior.
"Xena, just stay for a few more days. At least give your wounds a little more time to heal."
"I can't." answers Xena shaking her head.
"Why not?" begs the Amazon, placing a hand on a broad shoulder. "Is it because of what happened yesterday? It's over Xena, no one will threaten you with it again."
"I know that."
"Then stay. You'll be safe with us. No one would dare come for you here."
"Ephiny, no one is going to come for me." answers Xena as she adjust Argo's harness.
"We both know there are people out there who want you dead and they know now is the time to attack. While your defenses are down."
"Who says my defenses are down." asks Xena raising a questioning eyebrow.
"You know what I mean. There are many who know you are grieving and would use it against you. Besides, you need time to heal physically."
"I'll be alright." assures the warrior focusing on Argo's tack once more.
Ephiny looks away. "Is it because I allowed you to be punished?"
The warrior's hands pause in their work and slowly she turns to face the younger woman. "Ephiny, you are an Amazon Queen you did what Amazon law demands. You don't..."
"I know what Amazon law demands." snaps the young Queen, then her tones softens. "But I could have chosen something else. I never thought you would almost ... if Noleta had succeeded, I would have lost another friend." her voice cracks with emotion.
"Ephiny, you did what you had to do."
"No. I allowed my emotions to cloud my judgment." her head drops unable to face the warrior. "When the scouts told me you were coming all the old memories and anger from your last visit came rushing back. At first I tried to tell myself it was because you attacked the village and hurt Gabrielle..." taking a deep breath she meets Xena's gaze. "but the truth is my pride was hurt and I wanted you to suffer for it." her eyes drop once more. "I wanted to see you humbled. I'm ashamed for my weakness." once more she faces the warrior's gaze. "Can you forgive me?"
Placing a hand upon the younger woman's shoulder Xena shakes her head in disbelief. "Ephiny you've done nothing to forgive. I attacked you in a fit of anger. You and your people have every right to be angry with me, to hate me." a sad smile tugs that the corners of her mouth. "The question is can you ever forgive me?"
Ephiny grasps the hand resting on her shoulder and smiles warmly. "I already have."
Releasing the breath I've been holding I watch quietly as Xena reaches to embrace her friend. A high pitched squeal stops the warrior.
"Aunt Xena!"
From across the square a centaur boy of no more than four summers runs towards us. A wide smile spreads across his face as he reaches for the warrior.
Returning the smile she kneels to embrace the child. "Xenan."
Pulling away from her his smile never wavers. "Hello, Aunt Xena."
"Hello." she replies affectionately brushing a stray hair from his face.
"Mummie why didn't you tell me Aunt Xena and Aunt Gabrielle were here?" Asks the child giving his mother an accusing pout.
"I...we..." My heart goes out to the Amazon Queen as she fumbles for an answer.
"She's been very busy." answers Xena.
Once more he offers the warrior a broad smile. "Where is Aunt Gabrielle? I have a story for her."
Xena stiffens at the question. "She's not here, sweetheart."
"Will she be here soon?" asks the child innocently.
"Son..." begins Ephiny, but Xena cuts her off.
"Xenan" she takes the child's hands in her own. "you know your Aunt Gabrielle loves you very much, don't you?"
"I know."
"And there's nothing she would love more then to be here sharing stories with you. But...something happened and she had to go away."
"When is she coming back?"
As Xena brushes his hair back, I can see she is fighting to keep control. "She's not coming back."
"Not ever?" asks the child quietly.
"No." answers the warrior softly caressing his cheek. "Not ever." her voice is so heavy with emotion I wonder how she stands the weight.
Tears are brimming in the child's eyes as he looks from the warrior to his mother and back again. Leaning close to the large woman he timidly whispers. "Did she go away like Solan?"
My heartbreaks as Xena's head drops and her shoulder's begin to shake. "yes..." I hear her whisper.
"Don't cry Aunt Xena," begs the child as he brushes a small hand across her cheek. "If Aunt Gabrielle is with Solan than they must be with my Daddy and he will take good care of them."
With an emotional gasp Xena gathers the boy up in strong arms. "I hope so, sweetheart, I hope so."
My eyes catch Ephiny's and we both look away wiping at tears.
Finally Xenan wiggles free from the smothering embrace. "Will you stay with me?"
Ephiny's hand reaches for the boy's shoulder, but her eyes search out the warrior. "Please."
Xena holds the Amazon's gaze, perhaps they've finally reached her. Then she turns to the child. "I'm sorry, Xenan I have to go."
"No." Grabbing his mother's skirt. "Mummie, make her stay."
"I wish I could, sweetheart." answers the Amazon gently stroking the boy's hair.
"Hey." Xena takes the boy by the shoulder's waiting for him to look at her. "I've got some things I need to do. But, when I'm finished, if I can I'll be back, okay?"
"Promise?" asks the child.
"Promise." answers Xena.
"Okay."
"You take care of your Mother alright."
"I will." a smile returns to his young face.
"Good boy." Cupping his chin she winks at him before raising to her feet.
Though Ephiny's jaw is firmly set I can see her emotions are running close to the surface. "Take care of yourself." she orders, offering a hand to the larger woman.
With a sad smile Xena grasps the offered forearm. "Always."
Refusing to release the warrior, tears start to brim in the younger woman's eyes. As her lower lip begins to quiver I wonder how much longer she can hold out. Suddenly she pulls the warrior into a loving embrace, which is returned without hesitation.
"You'll always have a home here, Xena. Don't ever forget that."
"I won't."
Reluctantly the Amazon releases her. With a warm smile Xena turns and mounts Argo. As I start to follow a strong hand holds me back. Startled by the gesture I face Ephiny.
"Take care of her, Joxer. She needs you." says the Amazon offering me her hand.
Standing tall I accept the hand. "I'll do my best." I vow.
A smile tugs at the corners of her lips. "I know you will."
"Joxer, it's time to go." calls Xena.
Giving Ephiny's hand a firm shake I turn and mount my horse.
With a quick wave, Xena whirls Argo and starts for the edge of the village. Nodding goodbye I follow her path. As we enter the forest I steal a quick backwards glance. Ephiny and Xenan are still standing in the square watching us. I hope I have the strength to keep my promise to the Amazon Queen.
Morning sunlight works it's way into the hut bringing with it a crushing sense of loneliness. The emptiness has returned and somehow seems stronger than before. It's hard to believe I was actually feeling good last night. I should have known it wouldn't last. Pacing the length of the small hut my mind stumbles through the memories of the night's events. Everything was so different last night, I felt so alive. If only I could go back there. That's it I'll go to the square there must be something there that will bring those feelings back. Bolting out the door I have to force myself not to run the entire way.
Entering the village I'm disappointed to find all signs of the evening's ceremonies have been cleared away. Even the ashes from the funeral pyre are gone. Did last night really happen? Desperately searching for something to ease my fears I turn to find Ephiny stalking across the square. Judging from the Amazon's determined strides it would seem I'm not the only one having a bad day. Though as she draws closer I have the sinking feeling my mine is about to get worse.
"You have to stop her." she demands.
"Stop who?" I ask.
"Xena, she wants to leave."
"Leave?! When?"
"She's saddling Argo right now."
-------------------
Racing to the stables I wonder if madness has finally claimed the warrior. How can she think of traveling in her condition? This the safest place for her to rest and heal. Besides Ephiny is here I know she can help Xena through her grief. Reaching for the stable door it swings open, nearly knocking me to the ground. I bite back a curse as Xena steps out leading Argo. Too my surprise she's leading my horse as well.
"Good, your up. I was just coming to get you."
"What are you doing?" the despair in my voice sounds pathetic even to my own ears.
"It's time to go." she answers turning to adjust the straps on Argo's saddle.
"Go where?" I demand.
"Pack your things." she says, ignoring my question. "I want to leave as soon as possible."
"No." I snap, firmly planting both feet, with arms defiantly folded across my chest. "Not till you tell me where we're going."
As she spins to face me I see the old flame in her eyes. Swallowing hard I take an involuntary step back, waiting for the blow.
Seeing my fear her anger fades as quickly as it came. Slowly she turns back to Argo. "Stay here if you want, but I'm leaving."
Watching her reach for the saddle horn I know she means it. "Wait! I'll get my stuff."
"I'll meet you in the square." she calls as I sprint away.
-----------------------
Back in the square I find Ephiny desperately pleading with the warrior.
"Xena, just stay for a few more days. At least give your wounds a little more time to heal."
"I can't." answers Xena shaking her head.
"Why not?" begs the Amazon, placing a hand on a broad shoulder. "Is it because of what happened yesterday? It's over Xena, no one will threaten you with it again."
"I know that."
"Then stay. You'll be safe with us. No one would dare come for you here."
"Ephiny, no one is going to come for me." answers Xena as she adjust Argo's harness.
"We both know there are people out there who want you dead and they know now is the time to attack. While your defenses are down."
"Who says my defenses are down." asks Xena raising a questioning eyebrow.
"You know what I mean. There are many who know you are grieving and would use it against you. Besides, you need time to heal physically."
"I'll be alright." assures the warrior focusing on Argo's tack once more.
Ephiny looks away. "Is it because I allowed you to be punished?"
The warrior's hands pause in their work and slowly she turns to face the younger woman. "Ephiny, you are an Amazon Queen you did what Amazon law demands. You don't..."
"I know what Amazon law demands." snaps the young Queen, then her tones softens. "But I could have chosen something else. I never thought you would almost ... if Noleta had succeeded, I would have lost another friend." her voice cracks with emotion.
"Ephiny, you did what you had to do."
"No. I allowed my emotions to cloud my judgment." her head drops unable to face the warrior. "When the scouts told me you were coming all the old memories and anger from your last visit came rushing back. At first I tried to tell myself it was because you attacked the village and hurt Gabrielle..." taking a deep breath she meets Xena's gaze. "but the truth is my pride was hurt and I wanted you to suffer for it." her eyes drop once more. "I wanted to see you humbled. I'm ashamed for my weakness." once more she faces the warrior's gaze. "Can you forgive me?"
Placing a hand upon the younger woman's shoulder Xena shakes her head in disbelief. "Ephiny you've done nothing to forgive. I attacked you in a fit of anger. You and your people have every right to be angry with me, to hate me." a sad smile tugs that the corners of her mouth. "The question is can you ever forgive me?"
Ephiny grasps the hand resting on her shoulder and smiles warmly. "I already have."
Releasing the breath I've been holding I watch quietly as Xena reaches to embrace her friend. A high pitched squeal stops the warrior.
"Aunt Xena!"
From across the square a centaur boy of no more than four summers runs towards us. A wide smile spreads across his face as he reaches for the warrior.
Returning the smile she kneels to embrace the child. "Xenan."
Pulling away from her his smile never wavers. "Hello, Aunt Xena."
"Hello." she replies affectionately brushing a stray hair from his face.
"Mummie why didn't you tell me Aunt Xena and Aunt Gabrielle were here?" Asks the child giving his mother an accusing pout.
"I...we..." My heart goes out to the Amazon Queen as she fumbles for an answer.
"She's been very busy." answers Xena.
Once more he offers the warrior a broad smile. "Where is Aunt Gabrielle? I have a story for her."
Xena stiffens at the question. "She's not here, sweetheart."
"Will she be here soon?" asks the child innocently.
"Son..." begins Ephiny, but Xena cuts her off.
"Xenan" she takes the child's hands in her own. "you know your Aunt Gabrielle loves you very much, don't you?"
"I know."
"And there's nothing she would love more then to be here sharing stories with you. But...something happened and she had to go away."
"When is she coming back?"
As Xena brushes his hair back, I can see she is fighting to keep control. "She's not coming back."
"Not ever?" asks the child quietly.
"No." answers the warrior softly caressing his cheek. "Not ever." her voice is so heavy with emotion I wonder how she stands the weight.
Tears are brimming in the child's eyes as he looks from the warrior to his mother and back again. Leaning close to the large woman he timidly whispers. "Did she go away like Solan?"
My heartbreaks as Xena's head drops and her shoulder's begin to shake. "yes..." I hear her whisper.
"Don't cry Aunt Xena," begs the child as he brushes a small hand across her cheek. "If Aunt Gabrielle is with Solan than they must be with my Daddy and he will take good care of them."
With an emotional gasp Xena gathers the boy up in strong arms. "I hope so, sweetheart, I hope so."
My eyes catch Ephiny's and we both look away wiping at tears.
Finally Xenan wiggles free from the smothering embrace. "Will you stay with me?"
Ephiny's hand reaches for the boy's shoulder, but her eyes search out the warrior. "Please."
Xena holds the Amazon's gaze, perhaps they've finally reached her. Then she turns to the child. "I'm sorry, Xenan I have to go."
"No." Grabbing his mother's skirt. "Mummie, make her stay."
"I wish I could, sweetheart." answers the Amazon gently stroking the boy's hair.
"Hey." Xena takes the boy by the shoulder's waiting for him to look at her. "I've got some things I need to do. But, when I'm finished, if I can I'll be back, okay?"
"Promise?" asks the child.
"Promise." answers Xena.
"Okay."
"You take care of your Mother alright."
"I will." a smile returns to his young face.
"Good boy." Cupping his chin she winks at him before raising to her feet.
Though Ephiny's jaw is firmly set I can see her emotions are running close to the surface. "Take care of yourself." she orders, offering a hand to the larger woman.
With a sad smile Xena grasps the offered forearm. "Always."
Refusing to release the warrior, tears start to brim in the younger woman's eyes. As her lower lip begins to quiver I wonder how much longer she can hold out. Suddenly she pulls the warrior into a loving embrace, which is returned without hesitation.
"You'll always have a home here, Xena. Don't ever forget that."
"I won't."
Reluctantly the Amazon releases her. With a warm smile Xena turns and mounts Argo. As I start to follow a strong hand holds me back. Startled by the gesture I face Ephiny.
"Take care of her, Joxer. She needs you." says the Amazon offering me her hand.
Standing tall I accept the hand. "I'll do my best." I vow.
A smile tugs at the corners of her lips. "I know you will."
"Joxer, it's time to go." calls Xena.
Giving Ephiny's hand a firm shake I turn and mount my horse.
With a quick wave, Xena whirls Argo and starts for the edge of the village. Nodding goodbye I follow her path. As we enter the forest I steal a quick backwards glance. Ephiny and Xenan are still standing in the square watching us. I hope I have the strength to keep my promise to the Amazon Queen.