Chapter 11
Rays of midday sunlight cut through the branches of the trees surrounding us. The forest is alive with the activities of small creatures who seem indifferent to our presence. Lowering myself face down onto a patch of soft grass I dip a hand into the cool, fast moving waters of a small brook. It's hard to believe the Amazon Nation is nearly three days ride behind us the events there seem like a lifetime ago. So much has happened in the last two weeks I have to wonder if any of it was real. Catching a glimpse of the faded black and blue marks covering Xena's face a shiver runs down my spine, yes it's real. Seated against a large oak tree with closed eyes she hardly looks like the fearless warrior I know her to be. Knowing the pain she's been through I suddenly feel very protective of her. Not that she would let me protect her, even if she needed it.
While her shoulder and thigh are still bandaged the wounds seem to be healing well, at least I think they are, anytime I ask she brushes off the question. At least, she seems calmer now the unseen force, which drove her so hard to reach the Amazons is gone. The leisurely pace of the last few days has been a welcome change from the earlier neck breaking trip. We've even started using main roads again thank the Gods. I don't think my horse or my backside could have taken many more rough trails. While the ride has been easier I still don't know where we are heading. I get the feeling Xena is looking for something. But I'm not sure what, more importantly I don't think she knows what it is.
Rolling onto my back I'm pleased to find the thick grass is nearly as soft as the bed I slept in last night. When Xena suggested we stay the night at a tavern I nearly fell off my horse. She's been less than social the last few days I was surprised she wanted to be around people. Through it was hardly a social visit. I don't think she said more than a dozen words all evening.
Taking a deep breath I stare up at the clear, blue sky. The canopy of blue seems to go on forever. Chuckling to myself. 'Gabrielle probably has some story about how far the sky reaches.' Gabrielle, why did I have to think of her? For a moment I had actually forgotten, but just for a moment. Turning my attention back to the sky, desperately I try to recall the lighter feeling from a moment ago. But, it's no use as I stare at the ocean of blue I notice that at the far reaches of the blue is darkness. Though I try to focus on the blue I keep feeling myself being drawn to the darkness. Is this how the rest of my life will be always trying to escape the darkness? Distance screams interrupt my suffering. "What was that?"
"Trouble." answers the warrior rolling to her feet and jumping onto Argo's back all in one motion. "It came from up ahead." Not waiting for a reply she kicks Argo into a trot leaving me scrambling for my horse.
When I finally catch up she's already dismounted and slowly approaching a loose circle of six rough looking men. In the center of the circle they bat a petite figure back and forth in a deadly game of cat and mouse.
Pausing to watch the men a wicked smirk crosses the large woman's face. It's a look I've seen many times before and hope never to be on the receiving end of. Causally she draws her sword resting the blade against an armored shoulder. "Hello boys." she purrs pausing for them to face her. "Mind if I play?"
Turning away from the circle the largest and ugliest of the bunch moves to stand before the warrior. "Well, well what have we here?" Unexpectedly he turns to me. "What do you want?"
"Well...I...that is."
"He's of no concern." answers Xena. "I'm the one you need to worry about."
The man laughs loudly even from a distance I can smell the alcohol on his breath. "Hey fellows, this one thinks she's a warrior."
Xena chuckles with the others at the comment.
As I watch the exchange I'm amazed at these idiots, they have no idea the danger they're in.
"Hey sweetheart why don't you put that sword down and we'll have some fun?" Ugly smiles as he makes the offer, it does little to improve his appearance.
"What did you have in mind." asks the warrior in a husky voice.
I sigh in disbelief. 'Can't these fools see she's just playing with them. Why don't they run?'
"Well," answers Ugly. "judging from them bruises on your face it looks like you like to play rough. That's fine by me. I like it rough."
"I'm too rough for a 'little' man like you." coos Xena.
The others laugh at the warrior's insult.
"I can handle you." sneers the man taking a step towards her.
"Don't count on it." answers Xena with a smirk.
Startled by our arrival the men have momentary forgotten their prey. From within the circle a frail voice cries out. "Help me...please..."
"Shut her up!" shouts the man who's been taunting Xena.
One of the men slaps the small woman the force of the blow sends her to the ground.
I notice Xena's smirk is now a snarl.
From the ground the young woman raises her head looking to the warrior for help. As tear filled eyes meet cold blue ones I can almost hear Xena's heart skip a beat.
"Lila?" the smile slips from the warrior's lips as she whispers the name.
"Get up, slag!" growls the man who slapped the girl. When she doesn't move he strikes out burying a boot in her ribs. Vulgar laughter spreads among the men as the girl curls into a ball muffled sobs shake her body.
As the man draws back his foot to strike again, Xena jumps forward driving the hilt of her sword into Ugly's face. He crumbles to the ground without a word. I've heard her battle cry many times, but never like this. She cries out like a wounded animal. Charging into the middle of the circle she cuts down anything or anyone unfortunate enough to be within her reach. Taken by surprise the men barely have time to draw their weapons as she descends upon them. Not that it does them any good. Her attack is swift and brutal within minutes three of the men lay dead another falls to her blade as I draw near.
Ugly tries to shake off Xena's attack as he raises unsteadily, drawing his sword he turns to face the enraged woman. To his shock and dismay he finds the last of his friends slipping off the warrior's blade and in the realm of Hades.
Spying the stunned man Xena starts toward him with a low growl. Realizing he is no match for the warrior Ugly throws down his sword. Falling to his knees he begins to beg for mercy. I watch closely as Xena stops before the sobbing man.
"NO!" I scream as her sword raises for the deathblow.
She pauses her entire body trembling with rage. Slowly the urge for bloodlust seeps away. Lowering the sword she kicks the man square in the face, dropping him to the ground unconscious.
I sigh with relief while the fool will have a splitting headache at least he won't be begging Cheron for a boat ride.
Quickly Xena moves to the curled up form lying in the dirt. Kneeling she gently touches the girl's arm. "Lila?" There is no reply. Carefully she slips an arm under the smaller woman's shoulders raising her gently. Still the girl does not stir.
With great care she checks every scratch, cut and bruise on the girl. It's amazing to see this fearless warrior who moments before was cutting down men as if they were wheat stalks, now cradling the young woman as tenderly as a newborn child.
"Is she alright?" I ask moving to her side.
"She will be." answers the warrior without looking up from her patient. Slipping an arm beneath Lila's knees, she lifts the younger woman effortlessly. "We need to find somewhere to make camp."
"What about them?" I motion toward the fallen bodies.
"Their friend can bury them when he wakes up." she replies without a backward glance.
Following her to the horses I hold the limp girl while she mounts Argo. Once in place she lifts the young woman up onto the saddle in front of her. Carefully she rests the girl's head against an armored shoulder holding her close. Grabbing the reins with her free hand she taps the large horse, urging her forward. Argo is already breaking a trot as I mount my horse.
-----
We ride for several leagues before Xena finds a suitable campsite. Quickly she dismounts and sets about making a blanket bed for her young charge.
By the time I return from gathering extra firewood, Lila is safely tucked in. A pot is boiling on the fire, which Xena pauses at dropping several items from her medicine pouch into it.
While Xena goes to the nearby brook to clean blood from her sword and armor I watch over the sleeping girl. Studying the peaceful face before me I can't find any trace of Gabrielle. When I first saw their parents it was obvious Gabrielle favored her Mother, now I realize Lila takes after her father. Groaning softly her eyes flutter open and she begins to stir. Without thinking I place a hand on her arm. "It's okay, just lay still."
Her eyes open wide with fear and she screams. Unsuccessfully I try to quiet her fears.
Suddenly Xena is beside me reaching for the screaming girl. Holding the girl close the warrior gently rocks her till the screams die down to whimpers. Slowly the whimpers fade as well.
When Lila finally regains control she angrily wipes the back of her hand across tear stained eyes. "I'm alright." she hisses pushing Xena away.
For just a moment I see the large woman's pain at the rejection, then it is gone.
Lila's eyes dart fearfully back and forth as she searches the woods. "Where are the men who were after me?"
"Don't worry about them." assures Xena. "They won't bother you again."
Frowning the girl studies Xena's battered face. "What happened to you?"
"Paid a visit to some old friends." answers the warrior. "Where are your parents?"
"They're in Poteidaia."
"Who was traveling with you?"
"No one."
"You're out here by yourself?"
Unable to meet the warrior's accusing gaze the young woman's head drops. Yes."
"Of all the stupid...!" Xena's anger startles me as much as it does Lila. Raising to her feet the warrior slowly paces before the girl. "What were you thinking going on the road alone? You could have been killed. What are you doing out here?"
"I was looking for you."
"Me?" Xena stops in her tracks. "Why?"
"I want some answers and you're the only one who can give them to me."
"What type of answers?" asks the warrior suspiciously, as she slowly kneels before the girl.
"I want to know how and why my sister died."
Now it's Xena who looks away. "Didn't Saraphen tell you what happened?"
"Yes, but she told me things I know can't be true. I want the truth Xena. You knew Gab better than anyone. Will you tell me?" she pleads.
Xena studies her for a moment, slowly she raisies and turns away. Surely she's not going to leave the girl wondering. Going to the pile of gear she retrieves Gabrielle's bag. Kneeling before Lila she offers the bag to the younger woman. "All of your answers are in here."
Lila eyes the bag with uncertainty. "What's this?"
"Gabrielle's scrolls."
"Scrolls?" scoffs Lila with distain. "What good are a bunch of stories going to do me?"
"They are more than just stories, they're a part of her. Everything she has thought or felt during our time together is contained in these scrolls. All your answers are there in her own words."
With a trembling hand Lila reaches for the bag. As she begins to open it Xena moves to the fire and stirs the pot.
Carefully she fills a cup with steaming brew and returns to Lila's side. "Here," offering the cup. "drink this. But, be careful it's hot.
"What is it?" asks Lila sniffing the contents with a frown.
"It'll help the soreness in your ribs."
The girl looks from the cup to the warrior and back. "Thanks." she mumbles.
--------
Dusk is setting in as Lila lays another scroll atop a growing pile rubbing her eyes she takes a sip from the now cold cup of tea. For the first time since the temple Xena has actually made an attempt to hunt. Her efforts have netted two rabbits, which hang roasting over the fire. It's strange how much Xena's behavior has changed since we found Lila. She hovers over the girl like a mother hen protecting a chick.
"You should eat something." I hear her say as Lila reaches for another scroll.
"I'm not hungry."
"You need to eat." insist the warrior. Reaching for one of the rabbit's she cuts a large piece of meat from it. As she places the meat on a plate I notice there is bread, cheese, and berries there as well. "Eat." she orders sitting the plate in the girl's lap.
Lila hesitates at first but as the aroma of roasted meat drifts upward her stomach growls. Attempting to hide an embarrassed grin she dives into the meal. By the time she is finished all of one rabbit is gone and part of the other. I can't help wondering how her family managed to feed her and Gabrielle.
Munching on berries she turns to Xena. "Those stories are they all true?"
"For the most part."
"Which parts?"
"Gabrielle has...had a bad habit of writing mostly about me and down playing her role in the stories. All of her stories happened the only thing missing from them is her." she smiles sadly.
Lila ponders this silently for a moment. "Why did she do that?"
"She always said people wanted to hear about the hero, not the sidekick." the smile slips away. "She was wrong."
"About what people wanted to hear?" asks Lila.
"No, about being a sidekick. She was more than that, she was my friend, my family."
"Have you ever read her scrolls?"
"No," Xena shakes her head laughing loudly.
The sound shocks me, it's the first time I've heard her laugh in a long time.
"There was never any need. Gabrielle has told me her stories over and over and over again. Working out every line, every word had to be prefect. It has to flow she would say." a distant look enters her eyes as a sad smile graces her face. "They have to sing so the song is sweet." her head bows and I realize her hands are trembling.
"You should read them"
"Why?" answers the warrior without looking up.
"Because she has written more than just stories." the girl pauses for a moment seeming to choose her next words carefully. "She loved you."
"I know." answers the warrior softly.
"Did you love her?" there is an almost accusing tone to Lila's voice.
Xena meets her gaze. "Yes."
Lila stares at her for a moment before padding the pile of parchments. "Even after all the two of you have been through, you were able to forgive each other. Why?"
"She was my family." answers Xena.
"She says the same about you many, many times. You gave her so much."
"No, she gave me everything. All I ever gave her was heartache."
"That's not the way Gabrielle saw it. You gave her the one thing no one in Poteidaia would allow her. You gave her the freedom to be herself. The freedom to enjoy all the things she would have missed had she stayed."
"If she had stayed she'd still be alive." answers the warrior.
"Physically maybe. But if she had stayed her spirit would have died long ago. By following you she followed her heart. I know my sister Xena, being with you made her happy, she wouldn't have wanted it any other way."
"Neither would I." whispers Xena.
"I have a more questions, will you answer them?"
"I'll try." replies the warrior. As Lila begins to speak Xena lowers herself onto the blanket beside the girl, listening intently to every word.
There they sat talking quietly as darkness settled in and well after it had claimed the day. It was good to see Xena finally talking to someone. Occasionally Lila would break down, each time Xena would hold her till the crying passed. Though Xena offers the girl comfort I can tell the warrior is holding back, refusing to express her own feelings. Watching the girl give into another crying fit I feel a twinge of envy. If only I could show my pain so easily. Rolling over in my bedroll I try to call up some pleasant memory of Gabrielle, but the only one that will come is the sight of her falling into the pit. Closing my eyes against the image I beg Morpheus to claim me before the memory drives me mad.
Rays of midday sunlight cut through the branches of the trees surrounding us. The forest is alive with the activities of small creatures who seem indifferent to our presence. Lowering myself face down onto a patch of soft grass I dip a hand into the cool, fast moving waters of a small brook. It's hard to believe the Amazon Nation is nearly three days ride behind us the events there seem like a lifetime ago. So much has happened in the last two weeks I have to wonder if any of it was real. Catching a glimpse of the faded black and blue marks covering Xena's face a shiver runs down my spine, yes it's real. Seated against a large oak tree with closed eyes she hardly looks like the fearless warrior I know her to be. Knowing the pain she's been through I suddenly feel very protective of her. Not that she would let me protect her, even if she needed it.
While her shoulder and thigh are still bandaged the wounds seem to be healing well, at least I think they are, anytime I ask she brushes off the question. At least, she seems calmer now the unseen force, which drove her so hard to reach the Amazons is gone. The leisurely pace of the last few days has been a welcome change from the earlier neck breaking trip. We've even started using main roads again thank the Gods. I don't think my horse or my backside could have taken many more rough trails. While the ride has been easier I still don't know where we are heading. I get the feeling Xena is looking for something. But I'm not sure what, more importantly I don't think she knows what it is.
Rolling onto my back I'm pleased to find the thick grass is nearly as soft as the bed I slept in last night. When Xena suggested we stay the night at a tavern I nearly fell off my horse. She's been less than social the last few days I was surprised she wanted to be around people. Through it was hardly a social visit. I don't think she said more than a dozen words all evening.
Taking a deep breath I stare up at the clear, blue sky. The canopy of blue seems to go on forever. Chuckling to myself. 'Gabrielle probably has some story about how far the sky reaches.' Gabrielle, why did I have to think of her? For a moment I had actually forgotten, but just for a moment. Turning my attention back to the sky, desperately I try to recall the lighter feeling from a moment ago. But, it's no use as I stare at the ocean of blue I notice that at the far reaches of the blue is darkness. Though I try to focus on the blue I keep feeling myself being drawn to the darkness. Is this how the rest of my life will be always trying to escape the darkness? Distance screams interrupt my suffering. "What was that?"
"Trouble." answers the warrior rolling to her feet and jumping onto Argo's back all in one motion. "It came from up ahead." Not waiting for a reply she kicks Argo into a trot leaving me scrambling for my horse.
When I finally catch up she's already dismounted and slowly approaching a loose circle of six rough looking men. In the center of the circle they bat a petite figure back and forth in a deadly game of cat and mouse.
Pausing to watch the men a wicked smirk crosses the large woman's face. It's a look I've seen many times before and hope never to be on the receiving end of. Causally she draws her sword resting the blade against an armored shoulder. "Hello boys." she purrs pausing for them to face her. "Mind if I play?"
Turning away from the circle the largest and ugliest of the bunch moves to stand before the warrior. "Well, well what have we here?" Unexpectedly he turns to me. "What do you want?"
"Well...I...that is."
"He's of no concern." answers Xena. "I'm the one you need to worry about."
The man laughs loudly even from a distance I can smell the alcohol on his breath. "Hey fellows, this one thinks she's a warrior."
Xena chuckles with the others at the comment.
As I watch the exchange I'm amazed at these idiots, they have no idea the danger they're in.
"Hey sweetheart why don't you put that sword down and we'll have some fun?" Ugly smiles as he makes the offer, it does little to improve his appearance.
"What did you have in mind." asks the warrior in a husky voice.
I sigh in disbelief. 'Can't these fools see she's just playing with them. Why don't they run?'
"Well," answers Ugly. "judging from them bruises on your face it looks like you like to play rough. That's fine by me. I like it rough."
"I'm too rough for a 'little' man like you." coos Xena.
The others laugh at the warrior's insult.
"I can handle you." sneers the man taking a step towards her.
"Don't count on it." answers Xena with a smirk.
Startled by our arrival the men have momentary forgotten their prey. From within the circle a frail voice cries out. "Help me...please..."
"Shut her up!" shouts the man who's been taunting Xena.
One of the men slaps the small woman the force of the blow sends her to the ground.
I notice Xena's smirk is now a snarl.
From the ground the young woman raises her head looking to the warrior for help. As tear filled eyes meet cold blue ones I can almost hear Xena's heart skip a beat.
"Lila?" the smile slips from the warrior's lips as she whispers the name.
"Get up, slag!" growls the man who slapped the girl. When she doesn't move he strikes out burying a boot in her ribs. Vulgar laughter spreads among the men as the girl curls into a ball muffled sobs shake her body.
As the man draws back his foot to strike again, Xena jumps forward driving the hilt of her sword into Ugly's face. He crumbles to the ground without a word. I've heard her battle cry many times, but never like this. She cries out like a wounded animal. Charging into the middle of the circle she cuts down anything or anyone unfortunate enough to be within her reach. Taken by surprise the men barely have time to draw their weapons as she descends upon them. Not that it does them any good. Her attack is swift and brutal within minutes three of the men lay dead another falls to her blade as I draw near.
Ugly tries to shake off Xena's attack as he raises unsteadily, drawing his sword he turns to face the enraged woman. To his shock and dismay he finds the last of his friends slipping off the warrior's blade and in the realm of Hades.
Spying the stunned man Xena starts toward him with a low growl. Realizing he is no match for the warrior Ugly throws down his sword. Falling to his knees he begins to beg for mercy. I watch closely as Xena stops before the sobbing man.
"NO!" I scream as her sword raises for the deathblow.
She pauses her entire body trembling with rage. Slowly the urge for bloodlust seeps away. Lowering the sword she kicks the man square in the face, dropping him to the ground unconscious.
I sigh with relief while the fool will have a splitting headache at least he won't be begging Cheron for a boat ride.
Quickly Xena moves to the curled up form lying in the dirt. Kneeling she gently touches the girl's arm. "Lila?" There is no reply. Carefully she slips an arm under the smaller woman's shoulders raising her gently. Still the girl does not stir.
With great care she checks every scratch, cut and bruise on the girl. It's amazing to see this fearless warrior who moments before was cutting down men as if they were wheat stalks, now cradling the young woman as tenderly as a newborn child.
"Is she alright?" I ask moving to her side.
"She will be." answers the warrior without looking up from her patient. Slipping an arm beneath Lila's knees, she lifts the younger woman effortlessly. "We need to find somewhere to make camp."
"What about them?" I motion toward the fallen bodies.
"Their friend can bury them when he wakes up." she replies without a backward glance.
Following her to the horses I hold the limp girl while she mounts Argo. Once in place she lifts the young woman up onto the saddle in front of her. Carefully she rests the girl's head against an armored shoulder holding her close. Grabbing the reins with her free hand she taps the large horse, urging her forward. Argo is already breaking a trot as I mount my horse.
-----
We ride for several leagues before Xena finds a suitable campsite. Quickly she dismounts and sets about making a blanket bed for her young charge.
By the time I return from gathering extra firewood, Lila is safely tucked in. A pot is boiling on the fire, which Xena pauses at dropping several items from her medicine pouch into it.
While Xena goes to the nearby brook to clean blood from her sword and armor I watch over the sleeping girl. Studying the peaceful face before me I can't find any trace of Gabrielle. When I first saw their parents it was obvious Gabrielle favored her Mother, now I realize Lila takes after her father. Groaning softly her eyes flutter open and she begins to stir. Without thinking I place a hand on her arm. "It's okay, just lay still."
Her eyes open wide with fear and she screams. Unsuccessfully I try to quiet her fears.
Suddenly Xena is beside me reaching for the screaming girl. Holding the girl close the warrior gently rocks her till the screams die down to whimpers. Slowly the whimpers fade as well.
When Lila finally regains control she angrily wipes the back of her hand across tear stained eyes. "I'm alright." she hisses pushing Xena away.
For just a moment I see the large woman's pain at the rejection, then it is gone.
Lila's eyes dart fearfully back and forth as she searches the woods. "Where are the men who were after me?"
"Don't worry about them." assures Xena. "They won't bother you again."
Frowning the girl studies Xena's battered face. "What happened to you?"
"Paid a visit to some old friends." answers the warrior. "Where are your parents?"
"They're in Poteidaia."
"Who was traveling with you?"
"No one."
"You're out here by yourself?"
Unable to meet the warrior's accusing gaze the young woman's head drops. Yes."
"Of all the stupid...!" Xena's anger startles me as much as it does Lila. Raising to her feet the warrior slowly paces before the girl. "What were you thinking going on the road alone? You could have been killed. What are you doing out here?"
"I was looking for you."
"Me?" Xena stops in her tracks. "Why?"
"I want some answers and you're the only one who can give them to me."
"What type of answers?" asks the warrior suspiciously, as she slowly kneels before the girl.
"I want to know how and why my sister died."
Now it's Xena who looks away. "Didn't Saraphen tell you what happened?"
"Yes, but she told me things I know can't be true. I want the truth Xena. You knew Gab better than anyone. Will you tell me?" she pleads.
Xena studies her for a moment, slowly she raisies and turns away. Surely she's not going to leave the girl wondering. Going to the pile of gear she retrieves Gabrielle's bag. Kneeling before Lila she offers the bag to the younger woman. "All of your answers are in here."
Lila eyes the bag with uncertainty. "What's this?"
"Gabrielle's scrolls."
"Scrolls?" scoffs Lila with distain. "What good are a bunch of stories going to do me?"
"They are more than just stories, they're a part of her. Everything she has thought or felt during our time together is contained in these scrolls. All your answers are there in her own words."
With a trembling hand Lila reaches for the bag. As she begins to open it Xena moves to the fire and stirs the pot.
Carefully she fills a cup with steaming brew and returns to Lila's side. "Here," offering the cup. "drink this. But, be careful it's hot.
"What is it?" asks Lila sniffing the contents with a frown.
"It'll help the soreness in your ribs."
The girl looks from the cup to the warrior and back. "Thanks." she mumbles.
--------
Dusk is setting in as Lila lays another scroll atop a growing pile rubbing her eyes she takes a sip from the now cold cup of tea. For the first time since the temple Xena has actually made an attempt to hunt. Her efforts have netted two rabbits, which hang roasting over the fire. It's strange how much Xena's behavior has changed since we found Lila. She hovers over the girl like a mother hen protecting a chick.
"You should eat something." I hear her say as Lila reaches for another scroll.
"I'm not hungry."
"You need to eat." insist the warrior. Reaching for one of the rabbit's she cuts a large piece of meat from it. As she places the meat on a plate I notice there is bread, cheese, and berries there as well. "Eat." she orders sitting the plate in the girl's lap.
Lila hesitates at first but as the aroma of roasted meat drifts upward her stomach growls. Attempting to hide an embarrassed grin she dives into the meal. By the time she is finished all of one rabbit is gone and part of the other. I can't help wondering how her family managed to feed her and Gabrielle.
Munching on berries she turns to Xena. "Those stories are they all true?"
"For the most part."
"Which parts?"
"Gabrielle has...had a bad habit of writing mostly about me and down playing her role in the stories. All of her stories happened the only thing missing from them is her." she smiles sadly.
Lila ponders this silently for a moment. "Why did she do that?"
"She always said people wanted to hear about the hero, not the sidekick." the smile slips away. "She was wrong."
"About what people wanted to hear?" asks Lila.
"No, about being a sidekick. She was more than that, she was my friend, my family."
"Have you ever read her scrolls?"
"No," Xena shakes her head laughing loudly.
The sound shocks me, it's the first time I've heard her laugh in a long time.
"There was never any need. Gabrielle has told me her stories over and over and over again. Working out every line, every word had to be prefect. It has to flow she would say." a distant look enters her eyes as a sad smile graces her face. "They have to sing so the song is sweet." her head bows and I realize her hands are trembling.
"You should read them"
"Why?" answers the warrior without looking up.
"Because she has written more than just stories." the girl pauses for a moment seeming to choose her next words carefully. "She loved you."
"I know." answers the warrior softly.
"Did you love her?" there is an almost accusing tone to Lila's voice.
Xena meets her gaze. "Yes."
Lila stares at her for a moment before padding the pile of parchments. "Even after all the two of you have been through, you were able to forgive each other. Why?"
"She was my family." answers Xena.
"She says the same about you many, many times. You gave her so much."
"No, she gave me everything. All I ever gave her was heartache."
"That's not the way Gabrielle saw it. You gave her the one thing no one in Poteidaia would allow her. You gave her the freedom to be herself. The freedom to enjoy all the things she would have missed had she stayed."
"If she had stayed she'd still be alive." answers the warrior.
"Physically maybe. But if she had stayed her spirit would have died long ago. By following you she followed her heart. I know my sister Xena, being with you made her happy, she wouldn't have wanted it any other way."
"Neither would I." whispers Xena.
"I have a more questions, will you answer them?"
"I'll try." replies the warrior. As Lila begins to speak Xena lowers herself onto the blanket beside the girl, listening intently to every word.
There they sat talking quietly as darkness settled in and well after it had claimed the day. It was good to see Xena finally talking to someone. Occasionally Lila would break down, each time Xena would hold her till the crying passed. Though Xena offers the girl comfort I can tell the warrior is holding back, refusing to express her own feelings. Watching the girl give into another crying fit I feel a twinge of envy. If only I could show my pain so easily. Rolling over in my bedroll I try to call up some pleasant memory of Gabrielle, but the only one that will come is the sight of her falling into the pit. Closing my eyes against the image I beg Morpheus to claim me before the memory drives me mad.