Nick was tired. He thought he'd be able to go right to sleep once he'd
gotten home, but now he had the conversation he'd had with Sara at
breakfast on his mind. He wondered if the rumors he'd heard circulating
around the lab that she'd gotten the promotion instead of him had any truth
to them. If they were true, it was certainly disappointing; not that Sara
would get the promotion instead of him, he could live with that because she
was a brilliant CSI. But if Sara was given the promotion, she and everyone
who had bought into the rumors would question whether she'd received it on
her own merits as a CSI or because of some mysterious history she had with
Grissom, that both he and she knew didn't exist to the extent the rumors
implied.
If she got the promotion, she'd wonder what Grissom was up to after she'd finally gotten over him, and she'd wonder what everyone else thought. If she didn't get the promotion, she'd wonder if it was because she had asked Grissom out, and the gossip mongers around the lab would have a heyday with that.
If he got the promotion, he wondered how that would affect their friendship. He hoped that it wouldn't affect it negatively. He valued her friendship and over the last couple of months they'd gotten closer. He didn't want to lose that, but he also wasn't going to turn down the promotion if it was offered to him simply because it might upset Sara. She needed to accept whatever decision was made gracefully. He just wasn't sure she would.
He let out a deep breath, he knew she was very capable and certainly possessed the skill to get the promotion, but if he was honest with himself, he also knew that she'd been off her game the last few months. She was walking around as if she was perpetually pissed off and the way that Grissom talked to her when he did talk to her certainly hadn't helped. Nick wondered if there was something else bubbling below the surface that was responsible for her mood swings. Now as he lay there, he was worried about her.
He didn't think that just the issue with Grissom was responsible for that. He'd seen how she reacted to certain cases and as he considered it, he mentally kicked himself in the ass. He wondered how had he missed it; he of all people. He made a note to himself to talk to her, to find a way to edge into a conversation with her about it, but he couldn't just come out and say it. He knew that she'd deny it, she'd be pissed off with him for even bringing it up, but Nick suspected that she needed to talk about it, needed it more than she would admit or could imagine.
He wondered if anyone really knew Sara, if she let anyone know her. He felt badly that things with her and Hank had ended so negatively. He felt partially responsible for encouraging her to get out more; Hank had helped to sour her perspective on men in general and Grissom had helped to solidify that. Sara used to smile a lot more before that happened and now, she seemed sullen quite a bit of the time. He worried about her. He'd made an effort to get her to do things with him outside of work over the last couple of months, but much of the time she had spent grousing about Grissom and how unfairly she was being treated at work, but he'd still been able to make her laugh. He could live all day on that laugh, but he wished that he could do something to take away whatever was causing Sara to doubt herself so much and cause her to hurt.
He spent the next several hours trying to get some sleep, but finally gave up and went for a run. When he got back he was beyond tired. He didn't even bother to take his shoes off or change into his pajamas; he just stumbled to his bedroom and crawled onto his bed, falling into an exhausted sleep within minutes.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Sara had finished cleaning her apartment from top to bottom. Everything was in its place and now she dreaded trying to fall asleep. The promotion still being up in the air was weighing heavily on her mind. She appreciated that Nick viewed her as kick ass competition for it, but at the same time, she wondered if he really thought that; if anyone really thought that. The rumors circulating made it sound like she had the promotion nailed down. That really bothered her because they also insinuated that the reason for it was because she'd had a history with the boss; a very intimate history. Nothing could have been further from the truth. Sara prized her privacy, she didn't like her personal life being broadcast all over the lab anymore than anyone else did, but to have things that weren't even true being gossiped about cut her to the quick.
Sara knew that Nick was well meaning when he'd told her she needed to do her job in her own way, but it seemed to her that no matter how she did her job, Grissom always criticized. Wasn't it Nick that had told her that the point of doing your job to please your boss? When she'd taken a stand a few times and told Grissom she thought that he was wrong, she'd been reprimanded for it. At the moment, she wasn't sure where she stood in the whole scheme of things, but she certainly didn't expect that if she got the promotion it would be a result of any history with Grissom.
She remembered when Grissom had called her to come out to Vegas to investigate Warrick. She'd been flattered at the invitation and it couldn't have come at a better time. Things with her career in San Francisco had stalled and the ego boost of having someone as well respected in the forensic world as Gil Grissom specifically request her help had propelled her toward Las Vegas feeling heady with anticipation of how this would advance her career, not to mention the crush she had on him. She had been teacher's pet when she'd first met him and it had carried over when she first arrived in Vegas.
But now she was questioning everything. Her job was her identity; and for people to question her getting a promotion based on anything other than her skill as a criminalist hit her hard. She had worked her ass off for three and a half years in Vegas, trying to please Gil Grissom, trying to impress her coworkers. Now it seemed to have backfired.
When she'd first arrived in Vegas, she'd ridden the wave of Grissom's approval. Grissom wanting her there had given her a huge ego boost and she'd learned a lot from working with him. The others, however, had proven much more difficult to win over, except for Nick. That's probably why they'd become such good friends. With Nick, it was what you see is what you get. She remembered working a case with him once shortly after she'd moved where she'd commented on how Grissom had hand picked her for the job, and he'd quipped right back to keep telling herself that. Catherine might be outright hostile to her at times, Warrick might doubt her sincerity once in a while, Grissom might not appreciate her, but at least Nick was her friend come hell or high water. If nothing else, moving to Vegas had been worth it to find a friend like him.
The promotion though, she wondered what would happen. If she got it, she knew she'd worked hard enough to deserve it, but would anyone else see it that way and if she didn't get it what then? How would everyone view her? Would she wonder if it was because Grissom was somehow trying to put her in her place after he'd made it clear he didn't want to go out with her?
If Nick got the promotion how would it change her friendship with him? She knew he was a great criminalist, he deserved a promotion. He'd worked in Vegas longer than she had. He'd been a CSI III longer than she had. She had almost always been impressed with how he did his job, with a few exceptions, and the way he managed to almost always keep his cool regardless of the situation spoke volumes about his character and professionalism.
But she wanted that promotion, needed that promotion. Her identity as a criminalist almost depended upon it. She felt so much uncertainty; the same kind of uncertainty she felt about other areas of her life that had seemed to plague her. If she failed at this, what did it say about her? She hadn't let very many people get close to her; if they knew the real Sara Sidle she didn't really think they'd like her very much. She wasn't even sure she knew who the real Sara was outside of being a criminalist.
After what had happened with Hank and then Grissom, her confidence was at an all time low. She had spent a lot of time with Nick outside of work over the last couple of months and it had been good for her, but she was sure that at some point, his patience with her ranting about work and Grissom would wear thin and even he wouldn't want to spend time with her. If he got the promotion, what would it do to their friendship? That worried her. She knew they were friends, but what would happen if she was left behind professionally? Would he view her skills in lesser light? If she believed what he'd said at breakfast that morning she didn't think he would, but at the moment she doubted herself so much that she wasn't sure what to believe.
She pulled herself into bed and spent the next three hours tossing and turning before finally drifting off into a fitful sleep.
If she got the promotion, she'd wonder what Grissom was up to after she'd finally gotten over him, and she'd wonder what everyone else thought. If she didn't get the promotion, she'd wonder if it was because she had asked Grissom out, and the gossip mongers around the lab would have a heyday with that.
If he got the promotion, he wondered how that would affect their friendship. He hoped that it wouldn't affect it negatively. He valued her friendship and over the last couple of months they'd gotten closer. He didn't want to lose that, but he also wasn't going to turn down the promotion if it was offered to him simply because it might upset Sara. She needed to accept whatever decision was made gracefully. He just wasn't sure she would.
He let out a deep breath, he knew she was very capable and certainly possessed the skill to get the promotion, but if he was honest with himself, he also knew that she'd been off her game the last few months. She was walking around as if she was perpetually pissed off and the way that Grissom talked to her when he did talk to her certainly hadn't helped. Nick wondered if there was something else bubbling below the surface that was responsible for her mood swings. Now as he lay there, he was worried about her.
He didn't think that just the issue with Grissom was responsible for that. He'd seen how she reacted to certain cases and as he considered it, he mentally kicked himself in the ass. He wondered how had he missed it; he of all people. He made a note to himself to talk to her, to find a way to edge into a conversation with her about it, but he couldn't just come out and say it. He knew that she'd deny it, she'd be pissed off with him for even bringing it up, but Nick suspected that she needed to talk about it, needed it more than she would admit or could imagine.
He wondered if anyone really knew Sara, if she let anyone know her. He felt badly that things with her and Hank had ended so negatively. He felt partially responsible for encouraging her to get out more; Hank had helped to sour her perspective on men in general and Grissom had helped to solidify that. Sara used to smile a lot more before that happened and now, she seemed sullen quite a bit of the time. He worried about her. He'd made an effort to get her to do things with him outside of work over the last couple of months, but much of the time she had spent grousing about Grissom and how unfairly she was being treated at work, but he'd still been able to make her laugh. He could live all day on that laugh, but he wished that he could do something to take away whatever was causing Sara to doubt herself so much and cause her to hurt.
He spent the next several hours trying to get some sleep, but finally gave up and went for a run. When he got back he was beyond tired. He didn't even bother to take his shoes off or change into his pajamas; he just stumbled to his bedroom and crawled onto his bed, falling into an exhausted sleep within minutes.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Sara had finished cleaning her apartment from top to bottom. Everything was in its place and now she dreaded trying to fall asleep. The promotion still being up in the air was weighing heavily on her mind. She appreciated that Nick viewed her as kick ass competition for it, but at the same time, she wondered if he really thought that; if anyone really thought that. The rumors circulating made it sound like she had the promotion nailed down. That really bothered her because they also insinuated that the reason for it was because she'd had a history with the boss; a very intimate history. Nothing could have been further from the truth. Sara prized her privacy, she didn't like her personal life being broadcast all over the lab anymore than anyone else did, but to have things that weren't even true being gossiped about cut her to the quick.
Sara knew that Nick was well meaning when he'd told her she needed to do her job in her own way, but it seemed to her that no matter how she did her job, Grissom always criticized. Wasn't it Nick that had told her that the point of doing your job to please your boss? When she'd taken a stand a few times and told Grissom she thought that he was wrong, she'd been reprimanded for it. At the moment, she wasn't sure where she stood in the whole scheme of things, but she certainly didn't expect that if she got the promotion it would be a result of any history with Grissom.
She remembered when Grissom had called her to come out to Vegas to investigate Warrick. She'd been flattered at the invitation and it couldn't have come at a better time. Things with her career in San Francisco had stalled and the ego boost of having someone as well respected in the forensic world as Gil Grissom specifically request her help had propelled her toward Las Vegas feeling heady with anticipation of how this would advance her career, not to mention the crush she had on him. She had been teacher's pet when she'd first met him and it had carried over when she first arrived in Vegas.
But now she was questioning everything. Her job was her identity; and for people to question her getting a promotion based on anything other than her skill as a criminalist hit her hard. She had worked her ass off for three and a half years in Vegas, trying to please Gil Grissom, trying to impress her coworkers. Now it seemed to have backfired.
When she'd first arrived in Vegas, she'd ridden the wave of Grissom's approval. Grissom wanting her there had given her a huge ego boost and she'd learned a lot from working with him. The others, however, had proven much more difficult to win over, except for Nick. That's probably why they'd become such good friends. With Nick, it was what you see is what you get. She remembered working a case with him once shortly after she'd moved where she'd commented on how Grissom had hand picked her for the job, and he'd quipped right back to keep telling herself that. Catherine might be outright hostile to her at times, Warrick might doubt her sincerity once in a while, Grissom might not appreciate her, but at least Nick was her friend come hell or high water. If nothing else, moving to Vegas had been worth it to find a friend like him.
The promotion though, she wondered what would happen. If she got it, she knew she'd worked hard enough to deserve it, but would anyone else see it that way and if she didn't get it what then? How would everyone view her? Would she wonder if it was because Grissom was somehow trying to put her in her place after he'd made it clear he didn't want to go out with her?
If Nick got the promotion how would it change her friendship with him? She knew he was a great criminalist, he deserved a promotion. He'd worked in Vegas longer than she had. He'd been a CSI III longer than she had. She had almost always been impressed with how he did his job, with a few exceptions, and the way he managed to almost always keep his cool regardless of the situation spoke volumes about his character and professionalism.
But she wanted that promotion, needed that promotion. Her identity as a criminalist almost depended upon it. She felt so much uncertainty; the same kind of uncertainty she felt about other areas of her life that had seemed to plague her. If she failed at this, what did it say about her? She hadn't let very many people get close to her; if they knew the real Sara Sidle she didn't really think they'd like her very much. She wasn't even sure she knew who the real Sara was outside of being a criminalist.
After what had happened with Hank and then Grissom, her confidence was at an all time low. She had spent a lot of time with Nick outside of work over the last couple of months and it had been good for her, but she was sure that at some point, his patience with her ranting about work and Grissom would wear thin and even he wouldn't want to spend time with her. If he got the promotion, what would it do to their friendship? That worried her. She knew they were friends, but what would happen if she was left behind professionally? Would he view her skills in lesser light? If she believed what he'd said at breakfast that morning she didn't think he would, but at the moment she doubted herself so much that she wasn't sure what to believe.
She pulled herself into bed and spent the next three hours tossing and turning before finally drifting off into a fitful sleep.