Part Five of Four

Diana glared defiantly at each member of the Justice League sitting around the table. "I was completely justified in my course of action. Thousands of years ago, the Greeks established the mnemonic value of song." She paused, looking at each face, daring them to disagree. "I knew that the best way for those Girl Scouts to remember my message was if I sang it to them. Otherwise, I would just be another good-intentioned droning voice that they would forget the moment they turned MTV back on."

"They'll remember you, all right," Flash muttered. "And within weeks, I'm sure we'll see the lawsuits that will demand the Justice League pay for those girls' therapy bills."

"I can hear you, Flash. I have superhearing," Diana said, scowling.

Superman grimaced. He had superhearing, too, and he regretted that fact the moment she'd started singing.

Not that she had a bad voice – it was beautiful. Exquisite, even. But she had to sing that song…the song that should have been banished from all but the lightest of the light pop rock stations across the country.

"The horror," J'onn whispered, picking up Superman's thoughts. The Martian was still trying to recover from being pelted with Girl Scout cookies. "The horror."

If it had been Oreos, he would have been okay – but Tagalong cookies? Sure, they were topped with creamy peanut butter and covered with rich milk chocolate – but they weren't Oreos.

It had been – in a word – awful.

He tried not to remember, but the scene kept coming back to him…

Three hours earlier…

J'onn could tell that the women really loved Diana – they applauded enthusiastically as she approached the podium, several wore star earrings that matched hers underneath their smartly tilted berets, and he could swear that he could see a peek of star spangled panties on several of the adult women who bent over too far in their chairs.

Not that he'd been looking.

Beside him, Superman looked proudly at his female teammate being warmly greeted by one of the nation's most respected organizations.

"She's a great role model for the girls," Superman whispered to J'onn.

J'onn nodded. "She's strong, confident and smart."

"Not to mention really hot," Flash added.

J'onn and Superman rolled their eyes, but didn't say anything since Diana was starting to speak.

"Thank you, Girl Scouts, for such a wonderful welcome!" Diana beamed, her smile lighting up her already ridiculously beautiful face. "I am supposed to give a speech," she said, "but I'm sure you'll hear enough of those during this convention from others." She paused, and music began to swell through the room.

J'onn groaned.

Superman gaped.

Flash paled. "No…not this song."

"Instead I will sing to you about how to find self-confidence, how to…love yourself."

She stepped back on the stage, carrying the microphone with her.

"Someone kill me now," Flash whispered. "I don't want to be alive to witness this."

I believe the children are our are future
Teach them well and let them lead the way
Show them all the beauty they possess inside
Give them a sense of pride to make it easier
Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be

The younger girls shifted uncomfortably in their seats, while the mothers and group leaders stared in shock.

Superman heard one in the row in front of him say to the other: "Is this a joke?"

J'onn was shaking his head. No, he thought, it wasn't a joke. Life wasn't that cruel.

Everybody searching for a hero
People need someone to look up to
I never found anyone to fulfill my needs
A lonely place to be
So I learned to depend on me

The music quieted, and each of the men breathed a sigh of relief, thinking that it was over. But then Diana spoke, and they realized she had planned the extension of the music before the next verse so that she could speak.

"You know, I am considered a hero – well, heroine –" she laughed a little "—by many. The hero I used to search for was my mother, but since I've been exiled, I've learned to depend on myself, just like this song says."

The music swelled again.

Flash leaned over to Superman. "She's interspersing her song with dialogue – just like the lounge singers on Saturday Night Live used to!"

He added something else, but it was drowned out by Diana's voice.

I decided long ago, never to walk in anyone's shadows
If I fail, if I succeed
At least I live as I believe
No matter what they take from me
They can't take away my dignity

"They? They can't take away your dignity?" J'onn shook his head. "My dear Amazon, little do you know that you are leaving little dignity for them to take."

Superman frowned. Not at J'onn's words – no, he agreed with them – but because the Girl Scouts were getting restless. Very restless.

A cookie was thrown.

Because the greatest love of all
Is happening to me
I found the greatest love of all
Inside of me
The greatest love of all
Is easy to achieve
Learning to love yourself
It is the greatest love of all

A Thin Mint pegged Flash in the eye.

"Aggh!"

All hell broke loose.

"J'onn! Can you tell what's going on?" Superman shouted, pulling a squirming girl off of his leg before she accidentally pulled down his tights and exposed him.

"After a scan of their minds, I've realized that the lyrics to the song have a deep psychological trigger in these girls – they have an aversion to it! An aversion so great that it overrides their normal social behavior and turns them into animals!"

Then it happened.

As J'onn finished his explanation, he opened his mouth to say something else –

-- and an All About fell onto his tongue.

"Aggh!" he screamed. "It's not an Oreo!"

"Flash!" Superman yelled to the Scarlet Speedster, who was holding a hand to his eye while he dodged cookies and slobbering Girl Scouts. "Get a hold of the Justice League! We need help!"

Looking at the chaos surrounding him, Superman realized there was only one thing for him to do.

Faster than a speeding bullet, he was gone.

***********

"If Superman hadn't acted so quickly, it would have been a very messy scene, Diana," John said gravely.

Diana put her head in her hands, finally admitting to herself that they might be right. "I know, I know. He saved the day." She lifted her eyes to smile warmly at Superman.

Batman, who was sitting to her left and had been heretofore silent, growled.

They all looked at him.

"I just think that it is very strange, Superman," he said through bared teeth, "that you even knew the location of the band at that exact time."

Superman blushed slightly. "Well…Kara asked for some tickets, and I just happened to remember their tour schedule…"

"Sure," Batman said, and fell silent again.

An uncomfortable pause settled over the table, each person – except Superman – wondering how he did know where that band had been.

"All right!" Superman finally said. "I had tickets to their concert last night."

Batman smirked.

J'onn, still recovering from his Cookie Ordeal – it would forever be capitalized in his mind like that – said, "Well, he made a difference. Nothing could have soothed those girls like bringing N'Sync to that convention center."

Everyone around the table nodded, especially Diana, who nodded so hard her tiara shifted. Except for Batman, of course.

Batman was staring at Superman. It's gonna be me, Boy Scout, he thought.

TO BE CONTINUED