Part Seven of Pi

Diana sighed as she removed the towel from her hair. She had run out of conditioner the day before, and it was going to be a chore combing the tangles from her long, silky, ebony Amazon hair.

If there was one thing that she appreciated Man's World for, it was the hair conditioner. The Amazons might have left Themyscira long ago, spread their message of peace to the world if they hadn't had to spend so much time brushing their hair.

Not to mention shaving their legs. All those long, long legs -- and only knives to shave them with, no razors.

A throat cleared, and Diana jumped, whirling around to see Batman detaching himself out of the deep, dark shadow in the corner of her bedroom.

"Batman!" She clutched her towel to her chest, thankful that she'd been wearing a robe. But still...the silk was wet and clingy. "What are you doing here?" she asked breathlessly.

He pointed to the chair in front of her vanity. "Sit," he growled.

"But--"

"Sit!"

She sat. Not because he'd ordered it, she told herself, but because she had been about to sit anyway.

She watched his approach in the mirror, saw her own reflection. Her lips were trembling with excitement. Her hair was tousled and tangled. Her silk robe clung to her form.

And she was cold. Or, at least, that's what it looked like under the clinging silk.

He came to a stop directly behind her, and he reached forward. Picked up her hairbrush. She gasped.

He began to brush her hair, gently working through the tangles.

"Oooh," she moaned. "Where did you learn to do this?"

"India." His voice was gruff. "While learning techniques of meditation. My guru made his students untangle hair that had been used as a rat's nest for seven nights to learn patience. I was his star pupil." He paused. "And I went undercover as a beautician once."

"Oh," she said, not really caring. It felt soooo good.

"Diana, this is not why I am here, though."

"Oh?" She looked at his reflection. This was it -- he was going to tell her how much he was attracted to her, then they would end up on the bed, and her hair would never get untangled, but it would be worth it because she would finally--

"I made you think earlier that I was a jerk, by laughing at Superman while he was singing."

Well, it had been kind of funny, Diana thought. She'd realized that she'd overreacted when she'd gone into the monitor room with her ice cream and Superman hadn't been sad at all, even though it surely wasn't easy to be him. "No, I--"

Batman didn't let her finish. "And I wanted to prove to you that not only do I like Superman, but that I can open myself up to ridicule in the same way."

"But, Batman, I don't--"

"Be quiet, Diana!" he said. "This is hard enough for me as it is."

"But you don't need to--"

"Quiet!"

She closed her mouth, deciding to let him do whatever he'd planned. She'd been going to save him from it, since he was so obviously uncomfortable, but he was far beyond listening to her.

Stubborn man.

"Just please keep brushing my hair while you do whatever it is you are going to do," she said meekly, trying very hard not to grin.

He nodded sharply, then hit a button on his belt. She heard the strumming of a guitar.

"Batbelt CD Player," he said, and cleared his throat, preparing to sing.

She pressed her lips together, barely able to hold in her giggles.

Tarzan wasn't a ladies' man
He'd just come along and scoop 'em up under his arm
Like that, quick as a cat in the jungle

Oh, great Hera, Diana thought. He was singing -- about a man who swung through trees on a vine. Was this a veiled reference to himself?

He did have a nice baritone, she admitted.

But Clark Kent, now there was a real gent
He would not be caught sittin' around in no
Junglescape, dumb as an ape doing nothing

Who was Clark Kent? Diana wondered. Was it Batman's real name? Was this a not-so-veiled reference to himself as well?

Batman definitely wasn't dumb as an ape. He acted as boorishly as an ape at times, but definitely not dumb.

Hmmm...apes. That reminded Diana of the time that she had saved Gorilla City, and Batman had dug through the rocket rubble to find her. She'd kissed him on the cheek.

He'd blushed, and it had taken all of her strength not to throw him down there and make hot monkey love to him in front of all those gorillas.

She was an Amazon, after all.

Superman never made any money
For saving the world from Solomon Grundy
And sometimes I despair the world will never see
Another man like him

Ah, so this was the part where he proved how much he liked Superman, Diana realized. Was he comparing himself and Superman in this song and finding himself lacking? If Batman was Tarzan and Superman was ... well, Superman in the song, then...well, Diana wasn't what.

The important thing was that he hadn't stopped brushing her hair yet. Did he know that this was a weakness of hers?

Hey Bob, Supe had a straight job
Even though he could have smashed through any bank
In the United States, he had the strength, but he would not
Folks said his family were all dead
Their planet crumbled but Superman, he forced himself
To carry on, forget Krypton, and keep going

Diana frowned. That was pretty sad. She knew a little bit about Superman's history, but not much. And he was poor, too. She wondered if Batman was poor, then decided that he couldn't be, considering that he had a Bat CD Player. And a Bat-everything else.

And she was pretty sure that Batman's name was Clark Kent. She tried to remember exactly how the name had shown up in the lyrics, but then realized it didn't matter. Batman was the Tarzan/Clark Kent figure in this song, as opposed to the Superman figure.

Tarzan was king of the jungle and Lord over all the apes
But he could hardly string together four words: 'I Tarzan, You Jane.'

Diana sighed happily. Yes, Batman was definitely Tarzan here. He didn't talk much at all -- and now, Diana wondered if she was supposed to be 'Jane'.

Sometimes when Supe was stopping crimes
I'll bet that he was tempted to just quit and turn his back
On man, join Tarzan in the forest
But he stayed in the city, and kept on changing clothes
In dirty old phonebooths till his work was through
And nothing to do but go on home

Diana smiled at Batman in the mirror, realizing that this last verse betrayed just how much he liked Superman -- he seemed to want him to live with him in Gotham, at least when Superman was sad.

The song ended after Batman sang the chorus again. He continued brushing her hair; she was relaxed, but Diana could see the tenseness in his face.

She decided to make him feel better. "Oh, Batman, that song has helped me realize a couple of things."

"Such as?" He tried to keep the nervousness out of his voice, but she knew him well enough now to hear it.

She stood, turned around. "That Superman must be very lonely, and that you definitely recognize that, no matter how hard on him you seem to be."

He nodded slowly. "Anything else?"

She took a deep breath. "It's made me realize how much I love...Clark Kent."

His jaw dropped open, and he took a step back. "Clark?"

She nodded eagerly. "That's what you said, right? That behind the hero is a man named Clark?"

"Yes..." He swallowed hard. "Excuse me, I have to go." He turned and strode toward the door, leaving her staring after him in confusion.

She heard him mutter as he walked out the door, "Batf**k."

She frowned. What had she said that was wrong? Didn't he realize that she would put two and two together and realize that he was talking about himself?

She turned, looked in the mirror. At least her hair was brushed, she thought. Now she'd have to straighten out some other things.

**************

It wasn't his fault he had superhearing, Clark told himself.

It wasn't his fault he'd heard everything that had taken place in Diana's room.

It wasn't his fault that Diana seemed to be in love with him.

He thought about the lyrics that Batman had sung, and grimaced.

And it wasn't his fault that Batman seemed to be in love with him, too.

"Great Scott," he whispered. He looked around the Watchtower kitchen. "I'm going to Metropolis. I think I need to see Lois."

If tonight was the night for confessing love, then he might as well join the crowd.

TO BE CONTINUED