Chapter 15
Sara stood in the patio doorway and watched as he rubbed his chest and coughed against the dusty air. He shouldn't be out at this time in the morning. He would get a chest infection. She knew he was upset, but how could he say those things. It was all her fault. She was pushing him away because she wanted to tell Kate about Jake. His voice broke through her thoughts.
"You left it up to me remember?" He turned and looked at her. "You told me in this very garden that it was up to me." He stared at her as she walked towards him. "You still haven't told me why you want to tell her Sara."
She stopped a few feet from him. "I know I said it was your choice and I've selfishly took that from you. I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking."
"Are you still going to tell her, because I can't wait anymore. It's tearing me apart inside. Tell her or don't. please forget about this and lets get back to normal." He pleaded, taking a small step towards her. "I'm sorry for what I did. I only wanted to help you. I loved you Sara. I still do. I couldn't sit by and watch what he did to you. You have to believe me when I say I only did it because I loved you both."
Sara's eyes closed as the wetness forced its way past her eyelids. "I know you love me and I love you too, but you have to remember that I loved him too."
Grissom bit his lip hard to stop from snapping at her. He turned his back to her. "You still do don't you? You can't wait. You've used me all these years-"
"That's not true!" She seethed.
He turned back quickly. "Are you sure?" He asked forcefully. "I've had so much time to think and I can't stop coming to that conclusion. You may love me, but not like you did Jake. What did I do to hurt you so much, that you played on my feelings for you?"
"You didn't do anything. I wouldn't do that." She stressed, tears were streaming down her cheeks and she stepped up to him and touched his cheek. "I love you Gil. I couldn't use you. I love you to the very core of my soul- "
"Then why are you doing this to me?" He choked out, holding her hand hard to his cheek.
Sara shook her head and closed her eyes. "I don't know Gil."
"You're lying to me." He squeaked out and pulled away from her. "You know me and I know you too. You never say something unless you know what you mean. You hate me so much you're willing to take Kate away from me. How can you do that. I've loved her since the moment I held her and you promised you'd never take her from me and that's what you're doing. She will hate me Sara. Can't you understand that. I jailed her father because of my love for you two. How can I live with her knowing that?"
Sara swallowed back the onslaught of tears the best she could, but it failed. "She would understand." She said softly. "I was there. I saw."
"He shot me Sara. He shot me because I wasn't willing to let him kill you both. I'd rather have died, than let him take your lives." Grissom placed his hand over his heart and walked up to her to place her hand over his.
She could feel his breathe on her face as she watched his chest heaving up and down. She could feel the wheezing in his chest and looked up at him panicked. "You have to come inside Gil. You're breathing in too much dust." She tried to pull on his hand, but he didn't move. "Gil please." She begged.
"You know what he did to me. I can't stay outside with the dust without having trouble breathing. I have to use an inhaler to breath again and your going to tell Kate that he was a 'good guy'?" He said sarcastically, his breathing coming in spurts as he pulled away and walked back in to the house.
Sara drew her hand to her chest and held it there tightly. She can't continue to see him hurting so much. Why did she have to say something? Can't she just love him like he loves her and raise Kate like nothing happened? What did they do in life to make everything so hard for them to live in it?
Sara stood in the patio doorway and watched as he rubbed his chest and coughed against the dusty air. He shouldn't be out at this time in the morning. He would get a chest infection. She knew he was upset, but how could he say those things. It was all her fault. She was pushing him away because she wanted to tell Kate about Jake. His voice broke through her thoughts.
"You left it up to me remember?" He turned and looked at her. "You told me in this very garden that it was up to me." He stared at her as she walked towards him. "You still haven't told me why you want to tell her Sara."
She stopped a few feet from him. "I know I said it was your choice and I've selfishly took that from you. I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking."
"Are you still going to tell her, because I can't wait anymore. It's tearing me apart inside. Tell her or don't. please forget about this and lets get back to normal." He pleaded, taking a small step towards her. "I'm sorry for what I did. I only wanted to help you. I loved you Sara. I still do. I couldn't sit by and watch what he did to you. You have to believe me when I say I only did it because I loved you both."
Sara's eyes closed as the wetness forced its way past her eyelids. "I know you love me and I love you too, but you have to remember that I loved him too."
Grissom bit his lip hard to stop from snapping at her. He turned his back to her. "You still do don't you? You can't wait. You've used me all these years-"
"That's not true!" She seethed.
He turned back quickly. "Are you sure?" He asked forcefully. "I've had so much time to think and I can't stop coming to that conclusion. You may love me, but not like you did Jake. What did I do to hurt you so much, that you played on my feelings for you?"
"You didn't do anything. I wouldn't do that." She stressed, tears were streaming down her cheeks and she stepped up to him and touched his cheek. "I love you Gil. I couldn't use you. I love you to the very core of my soul- "
"Then why are you doing this to me?" He choked out, holding her hand hard to his cheek.
Sara shook her head and closed her eyes. "I don't know Gil."
"You're lying to me." He squeaked out and pulled away from her. "You know me and I know you too. You never say something unless you know what you mean. You hate me so much you're willing to take Kate away from me. How can you do that. I've loved her since the moment I held her and you promised you'd never take her from me and that's what you're doing. She will hate me Sara. Can't you understand that. I jailed her father because of my love for you two. How can I live with her knowing that?"
Sara swallowed back the onslaught of tears the best she could, but it failed. "She would understand." She said softly. "I was there. I saw."
"He shot me Sara. He shot me because I wasn't willing to let him kill you both. I'd rather have died, than let him take your lives." Grissom placed his hand over his heart and walked up to her to place her hand over his.
She could feel his breathe on her face as she watched his chest heaving up and down. She could feel the wheezing in his chest and looked up at him panicked. "You have to come inside Gil. You're breathing in too much dust." She tried to pull on his hand, but he didn't move. "Gil please." She begged.
"You know what he did to me. I can't stay outside with the dust without having trouble breathing. I have to use an inhaler to breath again and your going to tell Kate that he was a 'good guy'?" He said sarcastically, his breathing coming in spurts as he pulled away and walked back in to the house.
Sara drew her hand to her chest and held it there tightly. She can't continue to see him hurting so much. Why did she have to say something? Can't she just love him like he loves her and raise Kate like nothing happened? What did they do in life to make everything so hard for them to live in it?