Lily and James: the Sixth Year Chapter three
Same disclaimer applies
Lily walked into the common room, her face a blank mask coving an unbelievable
amount of pain. Sirius recognized the face immediately.
"Lils, what's wrong?" he asked gently, almost fearing the answer.
Lily refused to answer; she simply sat down on the chair opposite Remus, trying to
regain control of her emotions; after all, she was 'Lily Evans- the girl who couldn't give a
damn'. This reputation would have bothered others, but not Lily, she loved it, she encouraged it, she thrived in it.
"Lily, please, tell us, what's wrong." Remus asked, his voice soft, but carrying the
commanding air that allowed him to keep the Marauders in check. Lily merely turned her
head, pretending to be fascinated by the flames dancing in the fireplace, in reality, she
couldn't see them, all she could see was the pain within her own heart. ''Wait a minute,'
she thought, 'my heart? Since when does Potter have anything to do with my heart?' As
she was thinking, Lily failed to see Sirius leave his place on the couch, and kneel before
her.
'Lily,' he said, taking her hands in his own, forcing her to look at him. 'Lily, tell me what
happened.'
This was not a request or a question, Lily realized. Again she remained silent.
'It was James, wasn't it?' Sirius asked, visibly restraining himself from leaving and
tracking down his 'friend.' Lily used his preoccupation to her advantage, in a swift, agile
move, she pulled her hand from his, brought her knees up to her chest, wrapping her
arms around them. 'James.' How could one word bring so much joy and so much pain to
her at one time?
"Lily, you have to tell us what's wrong, we can't help you if you don't" Remus, being the
voice of reason, tried to get Lily to see that she had to answer, for her good, and
James'.
"I don't need your help," she said quietly, her voice dead calm.
"Fine, then just tell us what he did."
"Why do you assume he did anything, Sirius?"
"Because, I have never seen you this way and there can only be one reason for it. Him."
"Don't say 'him' in that tone of voice. You make him sound important and respected.
When the reality is, he is neither of those things."
"I have to say 'him' in that tone of voice, its far preferable than what I'd rather say and
how I'd rather say it."
"Now, Lily," Remus broke in, "We need you to tell us exactly what happened. What did
he say? What did he do?"
"No," Lily answered, her voice shaking slightly, but still defiant.
"God, Lily, I don't get it, why are you protecting him? Why?"
"I am not protecting him!" she lashed out, her voice carrying all the anger and pain she
tried so desperately to hide.
"Don't you get it? He's not worth protecting." She added, dangerously quiet once
more.
"What. Did. He. Do?" Sirius asked through clenched teeth.
Remus, seeing Lily's return to silence, spoke up "Lily, did he touch you? Did he hurt
you?"
"In order for him to hurt me, I'd have to let him hurt me. Which I did not do." She said
quietly, her lie echoing in her mind. 'Yes, you did' said a quiet voice, 'you let him in. you
let him get too close. This is all your fault.'
"No it's not!" she screamed, her voice reverberating around the tower, silencing the
room. Sirius stood, sensing trouble far deeper than he had imagined. He leaned over and
picked Lily up from the couch, he carried her across the Common Room to the boy's
staircase.
"Alright," he said, addressing the curious Common Room. "Get back to your own
business."
He carried an unresisting Lily up the stairs, Remus trailing behind them.
Sirius freed a hand and opened the door, Remus closing it behind them. There they
stood, in the middle of a mess, no floor was to be seen, not one bed was made; the
room looked as though a tornado had blown through it, then come back a second time.
"I see you guys cleaned up. Just for me? You shouldn't have," said Lily from Sirius'
shoulder.
"It's not everyday the room looks this good," He answered.
Sirius walked over to his bed, farthest from the door, and gently placed Lily on it.
"Lily, please. I am now officially begging; I need to know what happened."
The care and concern in Sirius' voice and eyes touched Lily in a way she never expected,
she found herself looking at him, tears slowly coursing down her cheeks.
"James," she said softly, her voice beginning to break. "It was James."
"What did he do?" Remus asked, sitting down on the bed next to her.
"He called me a Mudblood." She said, her voice catching on the last word.
"He didn't," Sirius said from his position at her feet on the floor. His voice was hard, his
tone disbelieving; he had known his friend to be an ass before, but he couldn't even
imagine him doing something like this.
"He did," she said quietly.
Sirius stood up and sat on the other side of Lily; he took her in his arms and whispered
comforting words into her soft red hair.
"He didn't mean it, Lily, he's just angry." Remus said softly, almost as though him being
quiet would counterbalance the anger of James' words.
"Oh, no. He may be angry, but he meant it all right." Said Sirius. "He also meant it when
he said it to me."
"He didn't?" Lily said, not realizing she was mirroring his question to her.
"He did." Remus answered solemnly. "I still don't know why, but he did."
Lily looked up at Sirius, waiting silently for an explanation.
"I may have made him a bit angry," Sirius admitted in defeat. "I told him some things
he never wanted to hear or accept, and he told me some things I never expected to hear."
"What things?" asked Remus. Sirius remained silent, holding on to Lily's slightly shaking body.
"Sirius, damnit. Tell me what happened with James. I'm not getting answers from
anyone, I will go find James if I have to, but I'd rather you both tell me what the hell is
going on."
Sirius and Lily both looked at each, then at Remus, both shocked by his use of profanity;
calling it a rarity would be am understatement.
"Alright, Moony. I'll tell you if it will make you happy."
"Yes, Padfoot, my friend. I think it just might."
"Fine. Prongs and I went up to the dorm, me laughing all the way there. By the way,
well done Lily, I don't think we've ever done anything that good."
"Why thank you, Sirius. I must admit, it was brilliant, wasn't?"
"Yes, my dear, I do believe it was."
"Guys!" Remus interrupted, "can we please get back to explaining what the hell's going
on?? Please?"
"Right you are, Moony. I was just getting to that. Well, when we were in the dorm,
James was talking about how badly he wanted to get Lily back for what she did, and
how he needed my help to do it."
"And what did you say?" Lily asked quietly.
"I said no, of course. Which pissed him off royally. Then he told me I was nothing, that I
owed him everything, and a whole lot of other crap that I was really too busy trying not
to punch him to actually listen to."
"That son of a bitch." Lily said, completely forgetting the pain he had caused her as well,
thinking only of what her friend was going through.
"There's worse," Remus added, "he called you a Mudblood, in front of Sirius."
"Oh, no. Sirius, what did you do?"
"It wasn't that bad, I was rather easy on him."
"What did you do, Sirius?"
"I called him an arrogant bastard, among other things, causing him to punch me in the
face." Sirius then turned towards the sunlight, allowing Lily to see the blossoming
bruise on his right cheek for the first time.
"Ouch," she said, "that's going to hurt tomorrow."
"Tomorrow??!" whimpered Sirius, "it hurts now!"
"Ok, so now I have Sirius' story, what's yours Lily?"
"Well, I literally ran into him outside the portrait hole. And...and he c-c- called me a
...a..." Lily could not bring herself to say the word for the second time that day. She
collapsed into Sirius's arms and sobbed into his chest.
"Shh, Lily. It will be alright. I won't let him hurt you like that again. It's fine. Don't let it
get to you. I swear, I am going to kill that boy." Sirius both soothed and threatened
simultaneously.
"It was my fault," said Lily's voice, muffled by Sirius' chest.
"Your fault?? How can this be your fault??"
"I let him hurt me. I let him get too close."
"Look at me, Lily," Sirius said roughly, shaking her slightly. "You did not do this. You did
not deserve this. This is not your fault."
"I did deserve it. I gave him the power to hurt me. I made myself vulnerable."
"You are anything but vulnerable," said Remus stroking her hair softly. "You are the
strongest girl I know."
"I was the strongest girl you knew, until I let him hurt me, until I weakened myself.
Other people call me...that all the time, it doesn't bother me. But, when he said it, it
really hurt. I'm not used to someone being able to reduce me to tears with one single
word. I'm not used to it, and I defiantly don't like it."
"You can't keep people away forever, Lily."
"Your right, Remus, but that doesn't mean I can let them hurt me." Lily's voice was
wavering, as much with pain as with exhaustion; the events of the morning had worn
her out completely. Sirius saw this immediately.
"Lily, you should get some sleep. You're lucky it's a Saturday, you can spend the whole
day in bed."
"I ...I can't go back to my dorm. I can't let them see me like this. Eyes puffy, tears
streaming, hair a mess. I most look a fright." On the contrary, both Sirius and Remus
thought she looked positively stunning, but wisely, neither said anything.
"So go to sleep here, Remus and I will stay in the Common Room and hex the crap out
of anyone who tries to get up here." Sirius stood up and tucked the still semi naked Lily
into bed.
"Sirius," said a small voice within the blankets. "Can you stay with me?"
"Alright, Lils, if that's what you want. Remus, go and find James. Talk to him, beat the
crap out of him. I don't care; just keep him away from her for a while." Remus nodded,
kissed Lily lightly on the forehead and left the dorm. Sirius, realizing that he and Lily
were both in various states of undress, walked over to his trunk and pulled out two pairs
of pajama pants and two shirts.
"Lily," he said softly, waking her from a semi conscious state. "Lily, you'll be more
comfortable if you have some clothes on." Only then did realize that she was about to
get into Sirius' bed, with him, with almost no clothing on.
"Um, Sirius..." Lily started, but stopped as Sirius thrust some clothes at her and pointed
her to the washroom. "Thanks."
Three minutes later, later, Lily reemerged, the invisible robes dangling limply from her
left hand. She slowly padded over to the bed, to find Sirius already there, holding his
arms out to her. Lily lifted the blanket and slid into his warm embrace. She sighed and
began to drift off to sleep. Just when Sirius was sure she was asleep, she said quietly,
"Thank you, Sirius."
"For what?" he asked, barely awake himself.
"For everything. For being the best friend a girl could ever ask for."
"Go to sleep, Lils," he said quietly into her hair.
"James? James, where are you?" Remus was looking high and low for his friend. He
searched everywhere he could possibly be within the castle. He had even searched the
dungeons and the library. He finally decided to try to look outside for him. 'Why. Oh
why did James have to have the Map today?' he wondered, for what must have been
the thousandth time in the last few minutes. Remus was walking over the grounds,
searching for his friend, the star Quidditch player. He stumbled across someone sitting
under a tree, just staring at the lake, someone glowing with a dark blue color.
"I really hurt her, didn't I?" James asked in an emotionless voice; a voice that told
Remus he was feeling more than he wanted to at the moment. 'So much like Lily,' he
mused.
"Yes. You did. I don't know if she's going to forgive you this time. I don't know if she
can. I don't think Sirius will either." Remus said sadly, it hurt him to see his friends so
divided.
"I know," James replied acceptingly. "I don't deserve forgiveness."
"Do you want to talk about it?" Remus asked quietly, he knew not to push James if he
didn't want to talk.
But he also knew James wasn't one to offer information willingly.
"I don't know why I did it. It just happened."
"Was it really about the incident with the ink?" Remus asked, as James turned and even
darker blue than he had been a minute before, now he was near to a navy blue.
"No," he answered, his voice regaining some emotion. "No, I actually thought the prank
was brilliant. I don't know. It's everything, I guess. I'm tired of the way Sirius and I go
through a girl a week, I'm tired of the way I'm seen only as the jock, that there's
nothing more to me, and I'm tired of..."
"Loving Lily?" Remus offered.
"Loving Lily, and having her not love me back." James agreed. "Wait, how did you
know? How long have you known?"
"I've known for months. It's everything. It's the way seeing her makes you smile, it's the
way no other girl holds your interest like she does; it's the way you look at her."
"How do I look at her?" James asked, curious for an outsiders view on it.
"Like she's the only person in the world. Like she's more important than anyone else.
Like you want to protect from everything, forever."
"You can see all that in a look?"
"Not one look, no. Many different looks over the last six years, yes."
"Do you think she knows?"
"She's a girl, James, she probably knew before you did."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Ok, I'm going to be really evil and leave you here with a Cliffhanger (a cookie to anyone who understands why I capitalized that word!) I know I've been really bad about updating this, but from now on, I'm aiming for a chapter every 10 days. Happy reading! Huge Thanks to: Ella27, frostyangels, r7skywalker, OtterMoon, BeCky6, animalluvr75 and Adam Rhame
Same disclaimer applies
Lily walked into the common room, her face a blank mask coving an unbelievable
amount of pain. Sirius recognized the face immediately.
"Lils, what's wrong?" he asked gently, almost fearing the answer.
Lily refused to answer; she simply sat down on the chair opposite Remus, trying to
regain control of her emotions; after all, she was 'Lily Evans- the girl who couldn't give a
damn'. This reputation would have bothered others, but not Lily, she loved it, she encouraged it, she thrived in it.
"Lily, please, tell us, what's wrong." Remus asked, his voice soft, but carrying the
commanding air that allowed him to keep the Marauders in check. Lily merely turned her
head, pretending to be fascinated by the flames dancing in the fireplace, in reality, she
couldn't see them, all she could see was the pain within her own heart. ''Wait a minute,'
she thought, 'my heart? Since when does Potter have anything to do with my heart?' As
she was thinking, Lily failed to see Sirius leave his place on the couch, and kneel before
her.
'Lily,' he said, taking her hands in his own, forcing her to look at him. 'Lily, tell me what
happened.'
This was not a request or a question, Lily realized. Again she remained silent.
'It was James, wasn't it?' Sirius asked, visibly restraining himself from leaving and
tracking down his 'friend.' Lily used his preoccupation to her advantage, in a swift, agile
move, she pulled her hand from his, brought her knees up to her chest, wrapping her
arms around them. 'James.' How could one word bring so much joy and so much pain to
her at one time?
"Lily, you have to tell us what's wrong, we can't help you if you don't" Remus, being the
voice of reason, tried to get Lily to see that she had to answer, for her good, and
James'.
"I don't need your help," she said quietly, her voice dead calm.
"Fine, then just tell us what he did."
"Why do you assume he did anything, Sirius?"
"Because, I have never seen you this way and there can only be one reason for it. Him."
"Don't say 'him' in that tone of voice. You make him sound important and respected.
When the reality is, he is neither of those things."
"I have to say 'him' in that tone of voice, its far preferable than what I'd rather say and
how I'd rather say it."
"Now, Lily," Remus broke in, "We need you to tell us exactly what happened. What did
he say? What did he do?"
"No," Lily answered, her voice shaking slightly, but still defiant.
"God, Lily, I don't get it, why are you protecting him? Why?"
"I am not protecting him!" she lashed out, her voice carrying all the anger and pain she
tried so desperately to hide.
"Don't you get it? He's not worth protecting." She added, dangerously quiet once
more.
"What. Did. He. Do?" Sirius asked through clenched teeth.
Remus, seeing Lily's return to silence, spoke up "Lily, did he touch you? Did he hurt
you?"
"In order for him to hurt me, I'd have to let him hurt me. Which I did not do." She said
quietly, her lie echoing in her mind. 'Yes, you did' said a quiet voice, 'you let him in. you
let him get too close. This is all your fault.'
"No it's not!" she screamed, her voice reverberating around the tower, silencing the
room. Sirius stood, sensing trouble far deeper than he had imagined. He leaned over and
picked Lily up from the couch, he carried her across the Common Room to the boy's
staircase.
"Alright," he said, addressing the curious Common Room. "Get back to your own
business."
He carried an unresisting Lily up the stairs, Remus trailing behind them.
Sirius freed a hand and opened the door, Remus closing it behind them. There they
stood, in the middle of a mess, no floor was to be seen, not one bed was made; the
room looked as though a tornado had blown through it, then come back a second time.
"I see you guys cleaned up. Just for me? You shouldn't have," said Lily from Sirius'
shoulder.
"It's not everyday the room looks this good," He answered.
Sirius walked over to his bed, farthest from the door, and gently placed Lily on it.
"Lily, please. I am now officially begging; I need to know what happened."
The care and concern in Sirius' voice and eyes touched Lily in a way she never expected,
she found herself looking at him, tears slowly coursing down her cheeks.
"James," she said softly, her voice beginning to break. "It was James."
"What did he do?" Remus asked, sitting down on the bed next to her.
"He called me a Mudblood." She said, her voice catching on the last word.
"He didn't," Sirius said from his position at her feet on the floor. His voice was hard, his
tone disbelieving; he had known his friend to be an ass before, but he couldn't even
imagine him doing something like this.
"He did," she said quietly.
Sirius stood up and sat on the other side of Lily; he took her in his arms and whispered
comforting words into her soft red hair.
"He didn't mean it, Lily, he's just angry." Remus said softly, almost as though him being
quiet would counterbalance the anger of James' words.
"Oh, no. He may be angry, but he meant it all right." Said Sirius. "He also meant it when
he said it to me."
"He didn't?" Lily said, not realizing she was mirroring his question to her.
"He did." Remus answered solemnly. "I still don't know why, but he did."
Lily looked up at Sirius, waiting silently for an explanation.
"I may have made him a bit angry," Sirius admitted in defeat. "I told him some things
he never wanted to hear or accept, and he told me some things I never expected to hear."
"What things?" asked Remus. Sirius remained silent, holding on to Lily's slightly shaking body.
"Sirius, damnit. Tell me what happened with James. I'm not getting answers from
anyone, I will go find James if I have to, but I'd rather you both tell me what the hell is
going on."
Sirius and Lily both looked at each, then at Remus, both shocked by his use of profanity;
calling it a rarity would be am understatement.
"Alright, Moony. I'll tell you if it will make you happy."
"Yes, Padfoot, my friend. I think it just might."
"Fine. Prongs and I went up to the dorm, me laughing all the way there. By the way,
well done Lily, I don't think we've ever done anything that good."
"Why thank you, Sirius. I must admit, it was brilliant, wasn't?"
"Yes, my dear, I do believe it was."
"Guys!" Remus interrupted, "can we please get back to explaining what the hell's going
on?? Please?"
"Right you are, Moony. I was just getting to that. Well, when we were in the dorm,
James was talking about how badly he wanted to get Lily back for what she did, and
how he needed my help to do it."
"And what did you say?" Lily asked quietly.
"I said no, of course. Which pissed him off royally. Then he told me I was nothing, that I
owed him everything, and a whole lot of other crap that I was really too busy trying not
to punch him to actually listen to."
"That son of a bitch." Lily said, completely forgetting the pain he had caused her as well,
thinking only of what her friend was going through.
"There's worse," Remus added, "he called you a Mudblood, in front of Sirius."
"Oh, no. Sirius, what did you do?"
"It wasn't that bad, I was rather easy on him."
"What did you do, Sirius?"
"I called him an arrogant bastard, among other things, causing him to punch me in the
face." Sirius then turned towards the sunlight, allowing Lily to see the blossoming
bruise on his right cheek for the first time.
"Ouch," she said, "that's going to hurt tomorrow."
"Tomorrow??!" whimpered Sirius, "it hurts now!"
"Ok, so now I have Sirius' story, what's yours Lily?"
"Well, I literally ran into him outside the portrait hole. And...and he c-c- called me a
...a..." Lily could not bring herself to say the word for the second time that day. She
collapsed into Sirius's arms and sobbed into his chest.
"Shh, Lily. It will be alright. I won't let him hurt you like that again. It's fine. Don't let it
get to you. I swear, I am going to kill that boy." Sirius both soothed and threatened
simultaneously.
"It was my fault," said Lily's voice, muffled by Sirius' chest.
"Your fault?? How can this be your fault??"
"I let him hurt me. I let him get too close."
"Look at me, Lily," Sirius said roughly, shaking her slightly. "You did not do this. You did
not deserve this. This is not your fault."
"I did deserve it. I gave him the power to hurt me. I made myself vulnerable."
"You are anything but vulnerable," said Remus stroking her hair softly. "You are the
strongest girl I know."
"I was the strongest girl you knew, until I let him hurt me, until I weakened myself.
Other people call me...that all the time, it doesn't bother me. But, when he said it, it
really hurt. I'm not used to someone being able to reduce me to tears with one single
word. I'm not used to it, and I defiantly don't like it."
"You can't keep people away forever, Lily."
"Your right, Remus, but that doesn't mean I can let them hurt me." Lily's voice was
wavering, as much with pain as with exhaustion; the events of the morning had worn
her out completely. Sirius saw this immediately.
"Lily, you should get some sleep. You're lucky it's a Saturday, you can spend the whole
day in bed."
"I ...I can't go back to my dorm. I can't let them see me like this. Eyes puffy, tears
streaming, hair a mess. I most look a fright." On the contrary, both Sirius and Remus
thought she looked positively stunning, but wisely, neither said anything.
"So go to sleep here, Remus and I will stay in the Common Room and hex the crap out
of anyone who tries to get up here." Sirius stood up and tucked the still semi naked Lily
into bed.
"Sirius," said a small voice within the blankets. "Can you stay with me?"
"Alright, Lils, if that's what you want. Remus, go and find James. Talk to him, beat the
crap out of him. I don't care; just keep him away from her for a while." Remus nodded,
kissed Lily lightly on the forehead and left the dorm. Sirius, realizing that he and Lily
were both in various states of undress, walked over to his trunk and pulled out two pairs
of pajama pants and two shirts.
"Lily," he said softly, waking her from a semi conscious state. "Lily, you'll be more
comfortable if you have some clothes on." Only then did realize that she was about to
get into Sirius' bed, with him, with almost no clothing on.
"Um, Sirius..." Lily started, but stopped as Sirius thrust some clothes at her and pointed
her to the washroom. "Thanks."
Three minutes later, later, Lily reemerged, the invisible robes dangling limply from her
left hand. She slowly padded over to the bed, to find Sirius already there, holding his
arms out to her. Lily lifted the blanket and slid into his warm embrace. She sighed and
began to drift off to sleep. Just when Sirius was sure she was asleep, she said quietly,
"Thank you, Sirius."
"For what?" he asked, barely awake himself.
"For everything. For being the best friend a girl could ever ask for."
"Go to sleep, Lils," he said quietly into her hair.
"James? James, where are you?" Remus was looking high and low for his friend. He
searched everywhere he could possibly be within the castle. He had even searched the
dungeons and the library. He finally decided to try to look outside for him. 'Why. Oh
why did James have to have the Map today?' he wondered, for what must have been
the thousandth time in the last few minutes. Remus was walking over the grounds,
searching for his friend, the star Quidditch player. He stumbled across someone sitting
under a tree, just staring at the lake, someone glowing with a dark blue color.
"I really hurt her, didn't I?" James asked in an emotionless voice; a voice that told
Remus he was feeling more than he wanted to at the moment. 'So much like Lily,' he
mused.
"Yes. You did. I don't know if she's going to forgive you this time. I don't know if she
can. I don't think Sirius will either." Remus said sadly, it hurt him to see his friends so
divided.
"I know," James replied acceptingly. "I don't deserve forgiveness."
"Do you want to talk about it?" Remus asked quietly, he knew not to push James if he
didn't want to talk.
But he also knew James wasn't one to offer information willingly.
"I don't know why I did it. It just happened."
"Was it really about the incident with the ink?" Remus asked, as James turned and even
darker blue than he had been a minute before, now he was near to a navy blue.
"No," he answered, his voice regaining some emotion. "No, I actually thought the prank
was brilliant. I don't know. It's everything, I guess. I'm tired of the way Sirius and I go
through a girl a week, I'm tired of the way I'm seen only as the jock, that there's
nothing more to me, and I'm tired of..."
"Loving Lily?" Remus offered.
"Loving Lily, and having her not love me back." James agreed. "Wait, how did you
know? How long have you known?"
"I've known for months. It's everything. It's the way seeing her makes you smile, it's the
way no other girl holds your interest like she does; it's the way you look at her."
"How do I look at her?" James asked, curious for an outsiders view on it.
"Like she's the only person in the world. Like she's more important than anyone else.
Like you want to protect from everything, forever."
"You can see all that in a look?"
"Not one look, no. Many different looks over the last six years, yes."
"Do you think she knows?"
"She's a girl, James, she probably knew before you did."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Ok, I'm going to be really evil and leave you here with a Cliffhanger (a cookie to anyone who understands why I capitalized that word!) I know I've been really bad about updating this, but from now on, I'm aiming for a chapter every 10 days. Happy reading! Huge Thanks to: Ella27, frostyangels, r7skywalker, OtterMoon, BeCky6, animalluvr75 and Adam Rhame