Disclaimer: I don't own HP or any of these characters. That belongs to JKR, Scholastic Books, Warner Brothers, etc. This is just something to pass the time while waiting for the next book.
Cats did not make good matchmakers.
Cats were excellent at mousing and getting rid of other pests. Cats were the best hunters out there. Cats could detect suspicious persons better than most persons. Cats were the best animals to have around. They were much cleaner and neater and smarter than dogs.
Yet cats were simply awful at matchmaking.
It hadn't taken too long for Crookshanks to figure this out.
Crookshanks knew Meow-nie and Nice Guy would make a good pair. He knew they knew it too. They spent all their free time together. They were always brushing up against each other, as if to mark their territory. They just were too stubborn to be the first to pounce.
It had been driving Crookshanks mad. Their constant sighs and sickening looks had been getting on his nerves. And there were few things in this world that could manage that. Most things he could ignore. Those he could not, he snapped at.
He couldn't very well snap at both Meow-nie and Nice Guy. Actually, he could but it would do no good. They would just yell at him and then go back to sighing. The only thing that made him feel better was annoying Loud Guy. Crookshanks had taken to catching and eating large spiders in front of Loud Guy.
Loud Guy never appreciated that. He should have thanked Crookshanks for ridding the world of a few more spiders if he was so scared of them. It was another reason why Crookshanks didn't think much of Loud Guy. Not to mention the fact that it was really silly to be afraid of spiders. They were too small to hurt you. Besides, even if you were afraid of something, you shouldn't act like a scaredy cat.
But Loud Guy wasn't his problem anymore. His problem was getting Meow-nie and Nice Guy together. Matchmaking was hard for a cat. Crookshanks had no problems keeping people away from Meow-nie. Loud Guy had once liked Meow-nie. Crookshanks did not like that. Loud Guy had been acting as if he owned Meow-nie.
That was wrong. It was obvious that Meow-nie was his person. He wasn't going to let any person take her away from him. Loud Guy had tried to do exactly that as he had always been shooing Crookshanks out of the room. Crookshanks couldn't let that continue. He had soon chased Loud Guy away. It had almost been too easy.
Crookshanks had pondered chasing Nice Guy away for a few seconds. It would have been easier to do. But that would have made Meow-nie sad. That would not have been good.
So he was stuck with getting them together. So far he had only failed miserably. Some would say that he had failed spectacularly, but Crookshanks was too good of a cat to admit to that.
Mainly cats could not match make because of their lack of hands. He was able to pair up likely victims. Meow-nie and Nice Guy went well together. They would care for each other. More importantly, Nice Guy might actually start feeding him—one should always keep an eye on the bigger picture. The lack of hands made it extremely difficult to push the two together.
Crookshanks couldn't do many other plans because he had paws. He couldn't do the love letter trick that the Bad-Smelling Gossip Twins employed. That was too bad—they had kept him up many a time laughing over some ridiculous plan. When one of the things he had heard might have finally been useful, he was unable to exploit it. All because of his lack of hands.
When he had figured that out, he had become rather mad. It just showed how useless the Gossip Twins were. All they were good at were at keeping him awake and that was not something to be proud of. He had spent a morning venting his rage on their bad smelling curtains.
That had been worth it. They had taken their anger out of Meow-nie of course. Though Meow-nie hadn't been happy at the time, she had gotten over that quickly. She had whispered to him that the room smelled much better without all that purr-fume. Crookshanks also thought that was wrong. Why name something that smelled so bad after his purrs? His purrs deserved much better than that.
He was about ready to give up the chase. If cats were meant to matchmake, they would have been given hands. Crookshanks was at his wits' end. He couldn't push them together. He couldn't write those stupid love letters. He had once constructed an elaborate plan that ended with Meow-nie in Nice Guy's lap. That had worked only Nice Guy had turned red and pushed Meow-nie off.
Crookshanks had wanted to bite Nice Guy for that. It was obvious to all with eyes that he liked Meow-nie. Why did he have to get upset and act so cruel? Meow-nie had been so sad after that. The only reason why Nice Guy's ankles were still intact was that Crookshanks had been too busy comforting his person.
He still hadn't gotten his revenge.
That was an idea. Perhaps he could eat his fish and have it too. Meow-nie, Nice Guy and Loud Guy were due to come back very soon.
As if on cue, Meow-nie and Nice Guy walked through the portrait hole. Without Loud Guy—not that Crookshanks cared where he was. It just made his job easier.
Crookshanks made a beeline towards Nice Guy's ankles. He had been wanting to snap at the two love fools for some time now. Nice Guy had just been stupid enough to give Crookshanks another reason to do so.
He viciously snapped at Nice Guy's ankles and sunk his teeth in. Crookshanks was not about to pull his cat nips. He was going to make Nice Guy hurt for making Meow-nie sad and with any luck, get them together too.
It was working as well. Nice Guy had been taken completely by surprise when Crookshanks first attacked. He was now trying to shake Crookshanks off and was begging Meow-nie for help.
If Meow-nie knew what was good for her, she would just let him take care of this.
Luck was with Crookshanks for once. For some reason, Meow-nie wasn't doing anything—out of shock or perhaps out of a wish for revenge of her own. Nice Guy finally lost his balance and fell.
Right on top of Meow-nie.
Crookshanks sat down, feeling very pleased with himself. All was right in the world. If this didn't work, at least Meow-nie would be able to push off Nice Guy like he did to her. What goes around, comes around. He closed his eyes, content to bask at the success of his plan, regardless of the outcome. A few minutes later, he spared a quick glance at the two.
They hadn't moved. Or rather, they were still in the same place, although their hands were moving all over and their tongues were busy licking each other. They were both purring happily.
Perhaps a smart cat could matchmake after all.
Crookshanks got up to leave. The two lovebirds deserved some privacy.
He hoped that Nice Guy remembered to thank him later. Fish would
be nice, but above all else, he hoped that Nice Guy would always treat
his person like the absolute treasure she was.
Author's note--Thanks for all the reviews on the last chapter. I hope you enjoy this one as well. I'd appreciate it if you could leave a review letting me know what you think. Oh and Eric--I am still giggling over the name you gave to Ron. That is simply perfect for him.