Disclaimer: No. Not yet. Be patient.

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5. INVOICES IN THE DARK

For a while nobody spoke. Then two pairs of unblinking green eyes met and blinked in surprise. Not that they were so much surprised anymore. It's just that for eyes blinking is a natural style of life. Even if you belong to Harry B. Potters.

The Harry B. Potter #2 spoke first.

"Stop hiding in this stupid bag. I remember you are here!!!"

"..."

"..."

"Are you me?"

"No, I'm bi."

"What?! Not me?"

"Just kidding. Of course I'm me. I'm my future me. You're my past me."

"Oh... I see it now. "

Harry thought a bit.

'You sound different."

"That's because you can't hear your own voice properly. It reverberates within your thick skull and the resulting waves that come out..."

"Um..."

"Just remember, what you hear when you're speaking - this is your INNER voice."

"Eh... my what?"

"Your inner voice, you… me… us morons! Oh well, if it's too much a burden for your... mine... our vocabulary, just call it in-voice".

"Oh... I see it now."

Harry thought a bit more.

"If you are me than who am I?"

"It depends on a fic you're reading. Usually Nothing Outstanding but Sometimes Acceptable."

"But I was thinking..."

" ... THAT Exceeds Everybody's Expectations."

" ..."

"..."

"Stop acting as if you are much smarter than me!!!"

"That's because I'm half-an-hour older than you!!!"

"Ha!!!"

"And I've spent this half-an-hour with Snape!!!"

"Oh... I see it now..."

Harry thought yet again.

"And why with Snape?"

"We had a lot to discuss."

"Me NEWTS?"

"You NUTS. Didn't you just hear us? He's my... your... our father. He's always been. He just doesn't care..."

"Oh... I see it now..."

Harry thought... Oh, forget about thinking. He just asked.

"And how do you know he's my... your... our father?"

"I overheard a secret conversation."

"And he didn't notice you?"

"No. I was hiding in a laundry bag."

"Unbelievable. Can't imagine what would I do if I were sitting in a bag and hearing about Snape being my... your... our dad!!!"

"You've. Just. Been. In. This. Bag."

"Oh... I see it now..."

"Whatever. Just don't go and try to kill him."

"Didn't even cross my mind!"

"I know it didn't… yet…"

"…but now that you mentioned it..."

SNAPE!!!! YOU CRAZY GLUE!!! WHERE ARE YOU???!!! I'M GONNA KILL YOU NOW!!!