Disclaimer: My poor little bonsai is dead, gone beyond his Botanical Veil - courtesy to a curious vandal of a squirrel.

So, I have nothing to lose anymore...

ENEMIES OF THE QUIET BONSAI LOVER, BEWARE!!!

A/N (lovingly rereading all the hard-earned, precious reviews)

Wait! Who said the last chapter was "smutty"?! It most certainly wasn't… eh… was it? Hmm…well, there is "something mutty" about Sirius - which simply can't be helped ;)

To Gryphwng: I'm terribly sorry about your fried brain cells and barbequed ribs. I truly am :)

______________________________

9. SIRIUS WAIL

…

JAMES ISN'T HARRY'S FATHER!!!

…

Remus J. Lupin rolled his eyes in exasperation.

"I knew it. I just knew you had to show off and reveal some breathtaking shit or another! Couldn't keep shut yours, could you?!"

"Well, I'm saying the truth", said Sirius defensively.

"And what, pray, shall we, humble mortals, do now - after being utterly blessed with such a truth?!"

"Oh, let me see... How about freaking out?"

Remus just kept looking at him, his fingers menacingly caressing the book's smooth cover. The customary smug expression faded from the spirit's face.

"Ok. Ok. Just don't open that thing again… I said OK!!!"

[For a better understanding as to why Sirius Black (and not only him, I must confess) fears this book so much, see the companion fic "Fairy Tails Through Cages". A/N]

Remus very slowly closed the book.

"So, let me ask it again. What. Shall. We. Do. Now?"

"Um… You could just forget all about my unforgettable revelations. Harry doesn't have to know everything he does have to know, you know."

Remus nodded his assent.

"Nice try. But, being the truthful, honorable, loyal and modest Gryffindor I am, it's against my generous nature to keep secrets to myself. I have to share!!!"

"Be greedy for a while."

"But what about my principles?"

"Just lie on your back, take a strong grip on your principles and think about all the greater good you can achieve in this pose."

"Who do you think I am, a Dumbledore?!"

They both blushed. Sirius was the first to recover.

"That's it! Tell the Dumb-…Share with him! This way you will both clear you conscience and ensure that the truth will be buried forever. Not to mention, the old w-wan-, eh… this wonderful man simply adores to be burdened with unburdening other people from their burdensome burdens."

For a while Remus stood still, chewing over the bone-and-sinew advice. Then his face brightened up.

SIRIUS, YOU'RE A STAR!!!

Sirius stared at him unhappily.

"I still am, aren't I? Hop-hop! Twinkle-Twinkle-Doggish-Star! One would think they'd name a whole constellation after me! It would've meant so much for my poor long-suffering soul; even post-humorously…

"Posthumously, you mean."

"Yes, yes, post-humorously. A constellation in consolation… Or maybe even some nebula or another…"

"…"

"What?! Why are you staring at me like this?! Am I asking too much? Hey, I mean, even this mother-hen Andromeda got a nebula of her own!!!"

"Hmm. Well, there still should be this Veil Nebula somewhere…"

"Really? And does it mention my name too?"

"Last time I've checked it didn't."

"See? Even this ruddy Duster got the best of me!"

"The death isn't fair, my friend."

"Look, Lupin. I understand that you are a bit busy right now, what with all those wars and politics you mortals enjoy to hate so much. But when everything will be over…"

"When everything will be over, I solemnly swear to rename my very own alarm-clock Sirius Wail".

"Promise?"

"Promise."

Sirius sighed.

"Well, I guess that's better then nothing."

"And you still may keep the star."

"Thanks."

"My pleasure. By the way, who is Harry's father?"