Come To Church!

"I'm not going in there."

"Just why not?" inquired the spiky-haired teen, not even bothering to hide the intense aggravation edging up in his voice.

Ruby eyes shifted uneasily to the side, attempting to avoid the face of a very upset hikari. "I can't. That's all there is to it." answered the taller male curtly, doing his best to evade a verbal confrontation.

"You're going to have to come up with a better excuse than that."

"Well, it suits me just fine."

Sighing in frustration, the petite adolescent said, "Now I know you're just stalling for time."

"No, really!" contradicted the Egyptian, somewhat hurt by the accusation that was made of him. "I'm telling you this won't work!"

Crossing his arms in front of himself, the younger individual raised an impatient eyebrow. "It's hotter than the Sahara Desert out here, we've only got five minutes to get inside and get seated, and you're acting like I'm trying to kill you by bringing here--"

"You are, though!" complained the ruler of the Nile, widening his garnet orbs to a startling degree. "That must be what you have in mind by doing this!"

"Exactly where did you get the idea that I'm up to something like that?"

"Because you brought me to some creepy looking sanctuary for undead creatures!"

"It's a place for people to worship in peace and harmony." explained the gothic-haired boy, hoping his tolerance for illogical reasoning would hold out. "Everyone comes to wish love and happiness to each other."

"You mean in that old, deteriorating building?" asked Pharaoh, absolutely mortified by the idea that anyone would want to go out of their way to spend time at a location with a cemetery behind it.

"You shouldn't refer to a holy setting like a run-down ghetto, Yami."

"I can't help the fact that it looks that way to me!"

"Well, you'd better grow to love it really fast," informed the shorter male, highly irritated by his best friend's behavior, "because we're going to be spending the next hour in there."

"No way, I--hey! Yugi, I said no already!"

Setting both of his hands on his alter ego's shoulders, the annoyed hikari shoved his comrade forward. Glancing at his watch, he winced at the digital display. They now had three minutes to get to where they were supposed to be, and Yugioh was hardly cooperating at all. Matter of fact, the millennium spirit was refusing to budge from his position on the pavement. Why? Out of all days, why did the king of games choose to chicken out on an important date like Sunday?

"Move it, Yami!" ordered the spiky-haired adolescent, pushing on his companion's frame with all of his might. "I didn't spend hours to drag you out of bed for nothing!"

"As far as I'm concerned, you did." the older individual shot back, wrestling against the weight of his friend.

"Stop trying to make us late for mass!"

"But it reminds me of a mausoleum!" whined the Egyptian, hating their morning excursion with a passion. "There's probably zombies inside, waiting to pounce on me the moment I enter those double doors!"

"That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard come out of your mouth yet!" scolded Yugi, making little progress with his physical performance of aggression. "Only good citizens are in there! No one cold and heartless is allowed to attend a safe haven of the lord--"

Almost as if on cue, Seto Kaiba emerged from the colossal edifice. Reaching down into his coat pocket, the prodigious businessman retrieved one of his latest electronic toys. Flipping the lid to the cellular device, he used his thumb to punch in a string of numerical values, phone data that he obviously had memorized to be working the keypad of the instrument so rapidly. Finishing the task in a matter of seconds, the brown-haired professional pressed the silver object to his ear and gazed out into the parking lot. Immediately, his eyes fell upon the awkward scene of Yugi attempting to manhandle Yami, the sennen couple appearing to be two toddlers fighting for dominance over a prized possession. Shooting the warring pair a look of disgust, the computer genius shook his head and turned his back to his rivals.

Catching the arrogant expression in the CEO's sapphire orbs, Pharaoh cried, "You can't possibly expect me to believe that only decent people are in there!"

"Like with everything in life, Kaiba's the exception to the English rule." the petite schoolboy argued, using a free hand to wipe the sweat off his brow. "We can only hope that he's going straight to the confessional booth."

"With any luck at all, maybe he'll go straight to hell." muttered Yugioh under his breath.

"Yami!" the Japanese child said sharply, anger flashing in his normally passive purple-pink orbs, "Watch your language here!"

"That's another thing I don't like about this place!" griped the king of Egypt, digging his heels into the asphalt. "I can't be myself without being reprimanded like a little kid!"

"If you stopped acting like one, I wouldn't treat you like one!" Yugi shot back, the fury in his tone unmistakable. "Come on! You're the only one here whose behavior is similar to a whiny kindergarten brat's--"

Just then, the two duelists' livid dialogue was interrupted by another set of bystanders, a duo of fair-skinned, white-haired males that seemed to be having even more problems coping with each other than the sennen pair was. Pausing in their petty battle of sophisticated wordplay, the puzzle pair began to eavesdrop on the argumentative sweethearts that pulled up beside them.

"You can do this, and you will!" commanded the snowy-haired child, mirroring Yugi's expression of exasperation and fury.

"Like hell I am!" the male with silver tresses snapped back, glaring at his hikari frostily.

"Didn't I tell you not to use that kind of foul literature already?"

"It must have slipped my mind."

"Oh, is that so?" inquired the pale schoolboy mockingly, returning his yami's fierce look with one of his own. "You seem to be forgetting things pretty conveniently--I mean frequently--these days."

"Yes, and I've 'forgotten' how much of a joy it is to sleep in this early in the morning." the taller individual responded, matching his companion's sarcastic tone. "If you don't mind, I'm going to go refresh my memory and catch up on my beauty rest."

Spinning on his heel, the nocturnal creature tried to stalk back to the vehicle he came in, but was prevented in doing so. Courtesy of his hikari, the millennium spirit had been turned to face the giant neutral-toned cathedral once more. Lifting his lips in a snarl, the enraged male with lilac eyes remained stock-still. He didn't care how damned late they were going to be because of him. His religion-obsessed hikari should have figured out the fatal mistake of bringing him here long ago. Absolutely no one was allowed to disturb his peaceful siesta-'til-afternoon-time routine. Not even the one who shared the bond of the millennium ring with him.

"Let go of me!" demanded the alter ego, still moody from his lack of slumber. "I don't wanna be here!"

"I'm not giving up on you just yet, Spirit." declared the shorter student, looping his arm through his yami's limb. Slowly but surly, he began to haul his belligerent counterpart towards the entrance of the grand edifice. "God wouldn't be very happy with me if I let you waste your life away by getting up whenever you felt like it, surviving off of junk food, and harassing anyone you pleased."

"Who gives a fuck what God wants?" cursed the irate millennium spirit, beginning to lose his footing. "What about what I want? I want out of this place! I wanna hang with Joey at the arcade and eat greasy fries and burgers! I wanna stay out late all night and be so tired when I wake up that I trip out--" Before he could finish the remainder of his list of selfish desires, the amethyst-eyed individual fell over a crack in the sidewalk. The accident didn't hurt his body, but it did happen to damage his conceited pride.

Gazing at his yami without even a hint of sympathy, the younger male said in a knowing voice, "See what happens to those who aren't careful about what they wish for?"

"Don't give me that God-is-watching-us bullshit." snapped the taller person, lifting his head off the ground.

"You never know when He is." replied the pale schoolboy mysteriously, stretching his hand out to his companion. "He could be listening in on us right now."

"Yeah, well that violates my privacy rights. What I do isn't anybody's business but mine." Pressing both of his palms on top of the pavement, the silvery-haired spirit started to lift himself from his current position. Viewing the slender fingers extended to him out of the corner of his eye, he snorted contemptuously and growled, "I don't need your help, I'm more than capable of fending for myself."

"I know that." came the short and sweet reply.

"Then get out of my way, mortal!"

"Not until we get to where we're supposed to be." the white-haired boy said, lowering his hand onto his yami's clothes.

"Hey!" squawked the millennium spirit, completely surprised that his hikari was being so assertive with him. "What are you--get your hands off of me!"

"I don't care if I have to drag you kicking and screaming, Spirit, you're coming with me."

"Child, you'll be sorry for this!" threatened the lilac-eyed soul, squirming in the schoolboy's grip. "I'll never let you get a full night's rest again! I'll eat all the candy in our house so you'll have nothing sweet left to eat! I'll--I'll--"

"I'll be able to make that sacrifice." decided the snowy-haired adolescent, opening the door to the house of worship. Nonchalantly, he pulled the wailing millennium spirit into the gothic interior of the structure, appearing to be totally composed as if nothing out of the ordinary were happening.

"You'll pay for this, Ryou!" yelled the captured spirit of the ring, loud enough for everyone in the next city to hear the awful sounds he made. "I'll never forgive you for this! You'll see! I'll be ruthless to you from now on! I'll never take you mall hopping again! I'm going to--" The large wooden surfaces to the building shut, mercifully ending the threats of the childish tomb raider.

Turning his full attention back to Pharaoh, Yugi asked innocently, "So what's it gonna be, Yami? You wanna go peacefully with me so we can look civilized, or am I gonna have to drag you kicking and screaming like that?"

Swallowing down the hard lump in his throat, Yugioh smiled nervously while saying, "You wouldn't."

"Try me." the little duelist shot back, his visage devoid of any submissiveness.

As a last ditch effort to escape the horror of attending mass, the taller male changed the subject. "Yami no Bakura's inside now! He's going to take over the whole congregation and force them into bondage! Once we're in his grasp, he's going to try to take over the world!"

Yugi stared at his alter ego like he was an alien from outer space. "Just when I think you've said the stupidest thing ever--"

"What? How can you not believe me! That's probably what he's contemplating in that twisted head of his: world domination!"

"--you go and say something even more idiotic."

"I swear it's the truth, though!" whined Yami, desperately pleading with his counterpart to believe him. "I know it is!"

"Good for you, Pharaoh." said the spiky-haired boy dully, wrapping his fingers around his friend's jacket collar. "I'm so pleased that you have such a vivid imagination."

"I'm not lying to you, Yugi! I--" realizing that his hikari was treating him like Ryou had handled his companion, Pharaoh began to protest wildly. "Stop it! I don't want to do it this way, I--"

"It's a little too late for that, don't you think?" replied the Japanese boy unemotionally, fed up with baby-sitting someone who normally didn't require a caretaker.

"If you let me go, I'll walk by myself! Please, let me?"

Yugi let a thin laugh erupt from his throat, signaling a hint of distrust. "Yeah, right! the moment I let you loose you're gonna turn tail and run!"

"Am not!" protested the millennium spirit, despising how his own hikari was questioning his honesty. "I promise to be true to my word and escort myself in!"

Stopping in mid-pace, the petite adolescent regarded his alter ego coolly. Against his better judgment, he dropped his hand from his companion's clothes. "Fine. Do it yourself." Flashing him his warmest smile, the Egyptian began to murmur something, but was cut off by his friend's harsh statements. Sticking out an index finger, the youngster jabbed the appendage at him like a sword used by an archangel. "You better straighten out from this point on," warned Yugi, inches away from his counterpart's body, "or I'm gonna enroll you in Sunday school so you can be with all the little kids instead of the adults during mass. Got it?"

Bobbing his head up and down, Yami gestured his assent.

"Good to know." replied the shorter male, relieved that his millennium spirit would be obliging him at last. Stepping behind the king of the Nile, the schoolboy ordered, "Let's get a move on, then."

Dropping his head between his shoulders, the older individual crept towards the scary structure looming over them. More than likely, Yami expected Seto to scowl at him the moment he stepped in the foyer, a nasty act that he supposed was the most genial expression that the PC programmer could muster for him. Calm and collected Ryou would be seated beside his trouble-making alter ego, administering lectures and looks of disapproval to Bakura whenever he did something "inappropriate." And the spirit of the ring…only the gods themselves knew what was going on in that warped dimension of a brain that the snowy-haired male owned. Pharaoh presumed that the pale-skinned millennium spirit didn't want to know what went on in his own head, either. Some things were better left hidden, those being the sordid little secrets in life that no one wanted to keep or tell.

Grasping the large iron ring connected to the wood of the cathedral, the spiky-haired boy cleared the path for him and his counterpart to appear in. Watching his friend freeze up in the doorway, the male with purple-pink orbs swept his arm in front of himself in a dramatic, theatrical fashion. "Well?" asked Yugi, gazing at his companion expectantly.

Searching for a way out of this whole mess still, Yami stammered, "Well, I--I was--I sort of was thinking--"

"Be quick with it." demanded the annoyed student, flicking a stray lock of his honey-colored bags out of his eyes. "They're already leading the congregation in singing the starting hymn."

"Do you think holy water is going to burn me if I never spent a day being Catholic?" asked the Egyptian innocently, his ruby eyes glittering with profound gullibility.

"You stopped me to ask that?"

"Yeah, why--"

"Get inside!"

"What did I do wrong, hikari?"

"Now! Before I lose my temper!"

"But what if it hurts?"

"Now!" commanded the younger male, pushing his alter ego into the air-conditioned space. He held his breath when his counterpart stumbled, flailing his arms wildly as he hastily sought to level himself out. Somehow--by the grace of God, Yugi guessed--the millennium spirit balanced his weight in time so that he wouldn't fall face-first into one of the benches. Releasing his captive breath, the youth rubbed his temple and asked out loud, "Please, God, tell me that I didn't do something wrong in this lifetime to deserve this. I never imagined that it would be this hard to get him to come to church…"