Chapter 2.
2 months later…
It feels odd for him not to know. Here is a man who is almost omniscient in his knowledge, and yet he hasn't got a clue. She has never faced the problem of keeping something from him before. There was never anything to hide. In his eyes, face value is the sum of her worth. And that was how she wanted it.
She leaves in the middle of the day, when tests indicate that her body is most receptive to implantation. She leaves him with no explanation, and says she won't be back until the morning.
He is irritated with her, and when he is irritated, he becomes quiet. She doesn't have the time or the will to offer an excuse, so she just goes.
Eames has to tell him. She isn't sure if she should wait until she finds out if one the embryos implanted in her uterus is going to stick around, or if she should tell him now.
She expects it to shock him, maybe remind him that she goes on existing when she goes home at night. Sometimes she wonders if he was the type of kid who thought his teachers slept at school. Probably.
It means she will have to leave him, for a time. This simultaneously excites and frightens her. She loves her work and lives for it, so she can't envision a life without it, even for a few months. At the same time, she wants to try. The feeling reminds her of the first time she left her parent's home. Everything is possible, but the unknown is a little terrifying.
She isn't sure what she'll think in 9 months. She spent a long time asking herself the obvious questions before she agreed to this. What will it be like to give birth to a being that does not belong to her? Will she be heartbroken to give it up? Will she just be happy to get it out?
She doesn't romanticize pregnancy or child birth. If she did, she probably would have had a child of her own long ago. She knows it is a messy, gritty, and difficult journey.
But not as messy, gritty, and difficult as raising a child. That will be her sister's burden. She only wonders briefly if she will feel like she is missing out. Eames knows she is a practical sort of person, and she has never considered herself particularly maternal. If anyone has the temperament for surrogacy, she does.
Surely Goren knows something is going on, but this will be the last thing he expects. She decides to wait to tell him. In a defiant way, she enjoys the idea of her body holding a secret, one that he could never guess.
****************************************
3 weeks later…
She is pregnant. It's not the way she always thought it would be, since it isn't her child. But she is happy and oddly proud of herself none the less. She is thrilled to do this for her sister.
This week she must give Goren the news. She thinks of different words she can use to tell him.
'I just wanted to let you know that I'm pregnant. Now, what were you saying about the blood spatter pattern?'
'Well, see, a few months ago I was feeling kind of depressed, so I thought why not go ahead and have a baby for my sister? That'll spice up my life!'
Instead she settles on waiting until the end of their current case and taking him out to lunch on the usual paperwork-laden day after.
She starts out with a clichéd joke about eating for two, and almost hits her forehead with her palm as soon as she says it.
He looks up from his menu just for a second, and then looks back down like she never said anything. So she tries a different tactic.
She launches into a long explanation of her sister's life. She talks about her husband and her house.
Goren seems confused as to why she is telling him any of this.
Then she prepares to drop the bomb. She tells him that her sister has had 5 miscarriages due to a common infertility problem. She explains that her own life is about her work, and her sister's life is about her family, so she wanted to help in whatever way she could.
She stops there as she watches understanding dawn on him.
She needn't say much more, but she doesn't like to mince words. So she flat-out says that she is pregnant as a surrogate for her sister.
He is clearly stunned. He utters a few words expressing his awe of her. Then he has the decency to look happy. He gives her a small smile, a pat on the hand, and congratulations.
Either out of ignorance, denial, or fear of the answer, he doesn't ask the obvious question— how long would she be gone?
So she pre-emptively tells him she will have to take leave for just a few weeks in her third trimester, but she will be on desk duty for a few months before that.
She sees his emotions flit across his face. In his eyes, he looks betrayed, although he would never say so. His grim mouth looks a bit… jealous. Then his forehead crinkles and he looks panicked.
Nothing much she could say right then would pull Goren out of his spiral of self-pity. But she cares deeply for him, so out of compassion she tells him that he will be fine, and working without her is like being a fish without a bicycle, to paraphrase Gloria Steinem.
He shrugs off her comment and keeps a worried look on his face for several weeks.
The truth is that she can't help but be slightly gratified that he is conscious of her significance.
***************************
9 months later…
A star is born.
Eames feels indispensable. A new being exists because of her, even if it is not made of her.
She has never seen her sister so happy. Her sister's life is changed forever, and for the better. It is such a departure from her years of work.
Being a detective is about death and justice. This was about life and love.
Her composition has changed, but not so much that she can't wait to get back to where she now fully understands she belongs.
Over the months of her pregnancy, she saw Goren struggle to get a hold on his own intensity and on their partnership. She saw him lose control, jump without looking, and trip over his own two feet.
She wasn't there to catch him, so he fell a few times. She wasn't around to subvert gravity, and she knew he missed the soft landing she provided. The laws of earthly physics suddenly applied to him.
When they talked during the time she was not partnered with him, she saw in him a deeper respect and a profound understanding. And through his eyes, she saw her intrinsic value.
Eames was right to think that she had plenty of room. She will savor being the cosmos for a luminous genius that is born and reborn every day. For without her, he wouldn't exist as the world knows him.
2 months later…
It feels odd for him not to know. Here is a man who is almost omniscient in his knowledge, and yet he hasn't got a clue. She has never faced the problem of keeping something from him before. There was never anything to hide. In his eyes, face value is the sum of her worth. And that was how she wanted it.
She leaves in the middle of the day, when tests indicate that her body is most receptive to implantation. She leaves him with no explanation, and says she won't be back until the morning.
He is irritated with her, and when he is irritated, he becomes quiet. She doesn't have the time or the will to offer an excuse, so she just goes.
Eames has to tell him. She isn't sure if she should wait until she finds out if one the embryos implanted in her uterus is going to stick around, or if she should tell him now.
She expects it to shock him, maybe remind him that she goes on existing when she goes home at night. Sometimes she wonders if he was the type of kid who thought his teachers slept at school. Probably.
It means she will have to leave him, for a time. This simultaneously excites and frightens her. She loves her work and lives for it, so she can't envision a life without it, even for a few months. At the same time, she wants to try. The feeling reminds her of the first time she left her parent's home. Everything is possible, but the unknown is a little terrifying.
She isn't sure what she'll think in 9 months. She spent a long time asking herself the obvious questions before she agreed to this. What will it be like to give birth to a being that does not belong to her? Will she be heartbroken to give it up? Will she just be happy to get it out?
She doesn't romanticize pregnancy or child birth. If she did, she probably would have had a child of her own long ago. She knows it is a messy, gritty, and difficult journey.
But not as messy, gritty, and difficult as raising a child. That will be her sister's burden. She only wonders briefly if she will feel like she is missing out. Eames knows she is a practical sort of person, and she has never considered herself particularly maternal. If anyone has the temperament for surrogacy, she does.
Surely Goren knows something is going on, but this will be the last thing he expects. She decides to wait to tell him. In a defiant way, she enjoys the idea of her body holding a secret, one that he could never guess.
****************************************
3 weeks later…
She is pregnant. It's not the way she always thought it would be, since it isn't her child. But she is happy and oddly proud of herself none the less. She is thrilled to do this for her sister.
This week she must give Goren the news. She thinks of different words she can use to tell him.
'I just wanted to let you know that I'm pregnant. Now, what were you saying about the blood spatter pattern?'
'Well, see, a few months ago I was feeling kind of depressed, so I thought why not go ahead and have a baby for my sister? That'll spice up my life!'
Instead she settles on waiting until the end of their current case and taking him out to lunch on the usual paperwork-laden day after.
She starts out with a clichéd joke about eating for two, and almost hits her forehead with her palm as soon as she says it.
He looks up from his menu just for a second, and then looks back down like she never said anything. So she tries a different tactic.
She launches into a long explanation of her sister's life. She talks about her husband and her house.
Goren seems confused as to why she is telling him any of this.
Then she prepares to drop the bomb. She tells him that her sister has had 5 miscarriages due to a common infertility problem. She explains that her own life is about her work, and her sister's life is about her family, so she wanted to help in whatever way she could.
She stops there as she watches understanding dawn on him.
She needn't say much more, but she doesn't like to mince words. So she flat-out says that she is pregnant as a surrogate for her sister.
He is clearly stunned. He utters a few words expressing his awe of her. Then he has the decency to look happy. He gives her a small smile, a pat on the hand, and congratulations.
Either out of ignorance, denial, or fear of the answer, he doesn't ask the obvious question— how long would she be gone?
So she pre-emptively tells him she will have to take leave for just a few weeks in her third trimester, but she will be on desk duty for a few months before that.
She sees his emotions flit across his face. In his eyes, he looks betrayed, although he would never say so. His grim mouth looks a bit… jealous. Then his forehead crinkles and he looks panicked.
Nothing much she could say right then would pull Goren out of his spiral of self-pity. But she cares deeply for him, so out of compassion she tells him that he will be fine, and working without her is like being a fish without a bicycle, to paraphrase Gloria Steinem.
He shrugs off her comment and keeps a worried look on his face for several weeks.
The truth is that she can't help but be slightly gratified that he is conscious of her significance.
***************************
9 months later…
A star is born.
Eames feels indispensable. A new being exists because of her, even if it is not made of her.
She has never seen her sister so happy. Her sister's life is changed forever, and for the better. It is such a departure from her years of work.
Being a detective is about death and justice. This was about life and love.
Her composition has changed, but not so much that she can't wait to get back to where she now fully understands she belongs.
Over the months of her pregnancy, she saw Goren struggle to get a hold on his own intensity and on their partnership. She saw him lose control, jump without looking, and trip over his own two feet.
She wasn't there to catch him, so he fell a few times. She wasn't around to subvert gravity, and she knew he missed the soft landing she provided. The laws of earthly physics suddenly applied to him.
When they talked during the time she was not partnered with him, she saw in him a deeper respect and a profound understanding. And through his eyes, she saw her intrinsic value.
Eames was right to think that she had plenty of room. She will savor being the cosmos for a luminous genius that is born and reborn every day. For without her, he wouldn't exist as the world knows him.