Author's Note: Ta-da! This is the end – the final chapter! Oooh, I'm so excited – this is the first fanfic I've ever actually finished! Sorry for rambling, but this is kind of a big step for me. Thanks so much to everyone for sticking with me, through the long dry spells and crazy melodrama. Here's to Pirate-Lovers everywhere – take what you can, and give nothin' back! (And now I'm really done rambling.) Please R&R!
Chapter 16: The Open Ocean
I awoke in the sand, some distance from a small rowboat that bobbed and floated peacefully at the water's edge. It was dark still. A great ship was anchored further out in the sea; I had seen it before, but I couldn't quite remember where. I sat up slowly.
"Ah, she stirs," said a soft voice at my shoulder.
I turned; there was Jack, his black eyes glinting in the moonlight. He smiled.
"I killed him," I muttered, "I killed Covington."
The simplicity of language baffled me; it was so easy to say the words, but I still couldn't take in what had really happened. I wondered uneasily how long it would take for the knowledge of what I'd done to sink in. I glanced down at my hands, but they were clean.
"Yes," said Jack, nodding, "You were very brave."
"No!" I protested, stiffening, "I didn't mean to do it – I didn't want to."
"You did intend to fight him, did you not?"
"Yes. . ."
"Well, how exactly did you expect the fight to end? You would have been killed instead, had Covington been the victor."
"But I struck the first blow, Jack."
And then I began to feel again; the horror of it came down on me as I realized what I had done. I had broken a promise.
"I struck him first," I repeated weakly, my voice quivering, "I told Elizabeth that I wouldn't, but I did."
Once again I saw the blood on my hands, and involuntarily I began to shake as a cruel, small voice inside my head whispered, murderer.
"Abby," Jack chided gently.
"You don't understand," I said.
I turned away from him as my eyes filled.
"I've never taken a life before," I said unsteadily, "And I never wanted to. I only wanted to be left alone. I know this could not have ended any other way – I know that now. But – oh, Jack! Why didn't you tell me? Is it so easy for you to watch a man die?"
I looked up at him. His face was blurry through my tears, but deep in his eyes was a look of distant sorrow and regret that I had never seen before. He moved closer and clasped a heavy arm around my shoulders.
"There was a time," he said, "Many, many long years ago when my own hands were as clean as yours were not six hours ago. At the time, I was of a mind to exact revenge on some obscenely wealthy evildoer or other – the details escape me – but when the deed was done, I was lost. I mourned for a man who deserved only the paltriest of sympathies even in life, when all the rest around me praised me for ridding the world of one who was not fit to walk among decent people. You, darling, have now rid the world of the same sort of fellow. You have done nothing worthy of shame; don't waste your tears on him."
I sighed and rubbed at my eyes halfheartedly. Jack reached down and took my hand.
"I don't want to be a murderer," I said.
"You're not a murderer," he answered, "It was an act of self-defense, Abby. He had men hunting you with the intent of hanging you afterwards. You had no choice."
I leaned back against his chest, staring up at the star-scattered sky. It would be morning soon; already the stark blackness of night was turning to a deep, velvety blue.
"I can't go back, can I?" I asked.
"No. You would not want to even if you could."
He was right, of course; I had nothing to go back to. Whether I liked it or not, this life, the life of a fugitive, was the only one I knew now. My one crime would follow me forever, no matter what else happened. The blue-black of the sky paled to azure-grey, and the stars began disappearing under the blanket of approaching dawn. This looked familiar. I smiled.
"Jack," I said, turning back to look at him.
"Eh?"
"Look at the sky – this is the way it looked when I first met you."
Jack smiled, then kissed my forehead soundly. He pulled me to him, stroking my hair comfortingly. I draped an arm around his neck and closed my eyes, willing myself not to think of anything other than him, my love, and the moment. But there were more pressing matters that could not allow for too long a moment's peace.
"Well!" said Jack, breathing a decisive sigh, "I suppose we ought to return to the Pearl. The others will be wanting to know that you're awake."
I looked out towards the ship anchored some distance away from us; of course, by now I recognized it was the Black Pearl. Jack helped me stand and led me over to the little rowboat on the shore, taking up the oars himself. We rowed in silence for a short while as I tried to find words to the feeling of displacement I was experiencing.
"I wish I knew what to do," I told him, "Now that it's all over."
"Over?" Jack quipped, a strange grin twisting his weathered features, "Covington is dead, yes, but all that means is that your old life is gone forever."
"And a new one has only just begun?"
"Do you expect to die tomorrow? Of course it's only begun. Unless you decide to turn yourself in and have done with it."
We reached the ship, and Jack's crew tossed a couple of lines down to us so they could haul us up. Jack moved across the deck, checking that everything was in order, and then strode to the helm and took the wheel. I stood at the edge of the bow, watching the deep blue waters slip past us as wind filled the sails. The sun was rising; a dazzling sheen of white-gold light, softened by the hazy skies, skimmed the water at the horizon. I was only partially conscious of the little green islands surrounding the ship; it seemed as if the entire ocean was before me, in all its undimmed glory.
"The way I see it," said Jack suddenly, interrupting my vision, "You now have three choices."
I turned back towards him.
"First, I could take you back to Saint Thomas where you can confess, and accept the consequences of your actions," he continued, "Which will no doubt ease your guilt, but they will hang you for it. Second, you can do nothing and allow your one and only mistake to plague you until your death."
"And third?"
Jack smiled wryly.
"Well," he said, "Therein lies the final secret. Care to take a guess, love?"
His offer took me slightly by surprise, but of course I knew the answer. I had known it all along.
"You didn't tell me everything," I said, "That night when you finally told me you loved me. You said that every pirate is constantly searching for one thing to make his lawless existence worthwhile, but you never said what compelled him to pursue that existence in the first place. It's not a choice – piracy is a necessity. A way of life that one is forced to take when all other options have disappeared."
"Nay, it is a choice. Not only that, but it is a choice that only you, my dear Abigail, can make. However," he added pointedly, "Should you come to it, my own course takes me to the West Indies. I have some unfinished business, if you will, with an old friend. I have assembled my crew already, but there may yet be room for one more."
I laughed, and Jack smiled at me warmly. A wave of emotion swept over me, and in that moment I loved him more than ever.
"Jack," I said, "I have no home now. But now that I've lost it, it seems like it was never 'home' for me at all. I never belonged in England. I don't belong in the Americas either – I realize that now. I may never belong anywhere, really – at least not in any particular place. But I do belong with you."
The pirate's dark eyes met mine steadily; our gazes locked for brief eternity. Slowly he smiled, and then held out his hand to me. I moved forward and took it. His rough fingers closed protectively around mine and he brought me to him, turning me around to face the wheel. He took both my hands and guided them to the proper places on the steering mechanism. I took hold of the wheel easily; the old, polished wood felt good and strong beneath my fingers. I smiled widely; the sun was higher in the sky now, a great yellow ball just touching the edge of the horizon. The view was complete and unobstructed before me: the ocean was mine. Jack put his hands on my shoulders and squeezed affectionately. His face bent down to my cheek and neck, kissing me softly over and over.
"Find us an adventure," he whispered.
THE END