Chapter 7
The day of the ceremony arrived with very little fuss. Kara was stunned that it was finally here. She promised herself that she would only think of this as the day of the celebration. It didn't need to be anything else. She didn't need to remember anything else.
God, she wanted a drink.
She woke before the alarm went off, so she shut it off quickly to spare others the noise. She slid from her bed, picking up her bag at her locker and stripping her uniform as she went. She dumped it in the community hamper, and waited briefly in the shower line dressed in only her underwear. It wasn't an uncommon sight. Most of those around her were dressed in a similar fashion.
Because there was little line, she took a bit longer in the shower. She scrubbed her hair twice, took time to shave her legs, and even used a little of the lotion she'd been given on her last birthday. By the time she left the shower she was almost able to convince herself that the day would be okay. Almost.
She combed her hair back as she stood in front of a mirror dressed in her towel. She was off duty today because she was slated to receive an award. The tradition involved a three-day pass, but given the circumstances the reward accompanying the cluster was a full pass to the party and forty- eight hours off duty. She didn't have to work at all. Most of the ship would be in shifts today, allowing half to come to the banquet and presentation, and the other half to come to the dance. Lucky her. She got to do both.
She didn't feel like running. That was a switch, but she didn't want to question it. She didn't really want to do anything. She had hours until the ceremony would begin, and no real way to fill them. It was going to be a long day. Even Lee wasn't around to pester. He was with his father, making final preparations for the award presentation. She wondered how he was going to manage it, as he was up for a Gold Cluster himself.
She started her day by walking down to the life center and checking on Hawk. He was sitting up now, although still wrapped in a number of bandages. He had taken some severe burns to his legs and back, as well as to his hands and face. He would be a long time getting back into a Raptor. Still, his spirits were pretty good, and he was ready to be out of there. He asked a lot of questions about the accident - apparently no one had really told him much about what had happened - and seemed to enjoy her visit. She was glad about that. Sitting and teasing him had loosened the knot in her chest and made her feel better. She thought she just might get through the day after all.
Her next stop was at Tyrol's room. She had come by a couple of times to see Sharon during the past week, and it was good to be around a friend. Sharon was so happy that she positively glowed. She and Tyrol were getting married just as soon as they could get the priest back to the Galactica. It had been a long time coming, but Kara couldn't help but be happy for her friend. She deserved a little happiness, and the Chief - well, the chief deserved it as much as Sharon did. They made a really cute couple. If it all brought back memories best forgotten, then that was her problem too. It was all her problem.
Unfortunately, Sharon was back on duty this morning. She wasn't flying, but she was working on schedules up in CIC. She would be off in time for the ceremony, but not before then for Kara to talk to. She had to think of something else to do.
The something else turned out to be several games of Solitary Pyramid at the foot of her bed. She couldn't seem to concentrate well enough to win a game, but at least it passed the time. When the time got close for the ceremony, she went ahead and put on her dress uniform. As she had told Lee, it was too big, but she still preferred it to wearing a strange one. She tightened her belt, looked herself over in the mirror, and decided it would have to do. By this time the quarters was filled with chattering pilots, all dressing and smiling, getting ready for a long awaited celebration.
Later, Kara would be disappointed that she hadn't done more with her day off, but for now she was just glad it was over. She would sit through the ceremony, try to eat something at the banquet, and quietly disappear from the dance. She just had to get there.
The hanger bay had been cleared as it had been for the decommissioning ceremony. Tables had been brought in from both officers and enlisted mess,,and a long row of trays held more food than she had seen in a year. She wished she could be excited about any of it. She wished she could feel something. Anything.
"Kara?"
She turned to see Lee walking towards her. He was in full dress uniform and looked as good as he always had. The Adama men could really fill out a uniform; that was certain.
"Hey," she called back. "Any idea where we're supposed to be?"
"You're sitting up front with us," he told her as he pointed. "Front table."
"Front?"
"Gold Cluster," he told her with a grin. "I'm surprised it didn't come with a step promotion."
"That probably had something to do with my hitting the XO that morning," she told him wryly.
"No doubt," he agreed. "You're up between me and my father."
She lifted one eyebrow in surprise, but followed him up to the front table. Tigh gave her a courteous nod, but didn't say anything. She was thankful for small favors. If he didn't say anything, then she didn't have to be polite.
It took more than half an hour for the hanger to fill, then another ten minutes to get everyone's attention. No one appeared to notice Kara's silence. She just sat and listened, and everyone else went on about their business. Even Lee was preoccupied enough with the presentation roster that he didn't try to get her to talk.
Finally the night officially began. The President said a few words, their Priest blessed the meal, and then they were lined up to fill their plates.
As much as she had been looking forward to a meal, nothing really looked good to her. She shuffled along in the line, numbness pervading her, picking up a few spoonfuls here and there.
"Not hungry?" Lee asked her in concern.
"I don't think I know what to do with real food," she admitted.
He apparently had no such problem. His plate was piled high with meat, breads, and vegetables. She lifted one eyebrow at the amount of food on his plate, but didn't comment. It did look better than blobs of protein or the concentrated drinks that had kept them going while the ag-ships got themselves together, but she was pretty sure that eating that much just might make him sick.
Back at the table, she ate the few bites from her plate as she listened to the lively conversation. She felt apart from it, but it was still nice to see people smiling for a change, laughing and eating and having a good time. She might not really be enjoying it, but she appreciated that others were.
"Try this," Lee told her, dropping spoonful of meat on her plate. She did as he asked, and decided that it was good. "Did you get any of the fruit?" he asked once he'd swallowed what was in his mouth. When she shook her head, he put some of that on her plate as well.
Over the course of the next few minutes, he managed to transfer nearly half of what was on his plate to hers. She figured out what he was doing about midway through, but didn't have it in her to argue. If eating a few more bites would keep the smile on his face, then she would just have to eat. In truth, her appetite had awakened after the first few items and it wasn't too much of a trial. Real food tasted pretty good, and it had been a long time since she had eaten her fill of anything.
She put her foot down when he tried to pawn off a rich dessert on her. She really was full, and she let him know that. He grinned at her, ate a few more bites, and finally talked her into trying it. She had to give him credit for persistence.
She also felt better with a little food in her. Come to think of it, she hadn't eaten breakfast. Or lunch. It was no wonder she was light-headed and rather disconnected. She normally kept her days to a routine - wake, shower, run, eat, work, eat, work, eat, weights, sleep. With so much time on her hands, she'd lost track of what to do with herself.
As everyone finished their meals, some well deserved praise was given to the galley staff for their exceptional efforts. Colonel Tigh laughingly offered up a Bronze Cluster, and part of the room was willing to allow it. If they had been military, it would have been a sure thing. It was well past time that the Military started eating regular meals again.
The President stood to begin the festivities. Kara tuned out much of the discussion, feeling full and warm and just a little drowsy. When the Commander was called to the podium, she sat up a little straighter and forced herself to be alert. This, after all, was why they were here.
"Thank you, President Roslyn, for the introduction." He glanced down over his troops with a wry grin. "I just hope I can live up to it." Laughter all around at his humility in the face of her affluent praise could be heard for several seconds. She had spoken the truth: he had saved all their lives with quick thinking and decisive action. They knew it, even if he insisted it was a team effort.
"It's been a long six-months," he stated simply. "In our desire to survive, a lot of things have been pushed to the back of our minds. Some of us can't even remember the events that occurred during the initial attack. I know all of us would rather forget. But this crew rose to the challenge, and a team of essentially Rookies with a few seasoned veterans managed to pull off a miracle. We're here. We're alive. And we will get through this.
"But survival isn't all there is to living. We have taken the time to honor our dead, but in our rush to escape the Cylon threat we haven't taken time to thank those that made it possible and lived to tell about it. We survived, and the fleet survived, because this crew kept themselves together in the face of an insurmountable challenge. I think it's time that the military thanked them properly."
There was silence rather than applause as the Commander announced the two- hundred and eleven men and women who received a Bronze Cluster. They walked to the podium when called, performed the standard take-shake-salute, and remained standing in lines until all were complete. The applause that followed was thundering.
The award was given to each of the original crewman that had held to their duties during the primary Cylon attack. These were the bridge crew that had kept the Galactica on course even with tears in their eyes, and holes in their hearts. These were the Specialists that found the details, kept the crewmen informed, and managed not to fall apart as the world was destroyed around them. These were the repairmen that put the CIC back together following a nuclear blast, raising columns and anchoring tables. These were the backbone of the Galactica.
Next, the President requested that Captain Apollo join them at the podium. They presented fifty-three Silver Clusters. These were the fireman that had gone into an inferno to pull out shipmates, living or dead. These were the pilots that had fought the Cylons in antiquated ships, and the flight crews that put those ships together. These were the heroes of the Galactica, the men and women that went above and beyond the call of duty to be sure that the mission was accomplished, and that the Galactica survived. Once again, the applause that followed was tumultuous.
Finally, Captain Apollo was seated and the final presentations began. There were only nine of these. Lee was the first one called to the podium, and he laughed about jumping up and down, saying he should have just stayed there. The joking stopped when his father faced him, and with a voice rougher than usual began to explain the significance of the Gold Cluster. It was given only to those who had placed their life on the line for the protection of the Colonies. Most were given posthumously, and the Commander stated emphatically that was very happy this award was not following that particular tradition.
Apollo stood as still as a statue while his father read out the reasons he was being decorated. He was receiving the Gold Cluster for placing himself in the line of fire with no weaponry in order to save the President's ship. He took the award from his father, shook his hand, and saluted in receipt of the medal. The President was less formal, giving him a gentle hug and her heartfelt thanks. Kara thought Lee looked awfully glad to sit down.
Others were called. Fire crew that had put their lives on the line to go into a flaming area and try to save rookies who would not know how to save themselves. Without breathers, they had grabbed rookies and either slammed them into a suit or thrown them clear of the fire so that they could escape or withstand the ventilation.
Sharon was called as well, standing shakily up on the podium as she received her cluster for escaping direct Cylon fire, repairing her ship, and rescuing others as she jumped into and out of the danger zones. Her information had also been invaluable in preparing the older Vipers to be effective against the Cylon fleet. Tyrol assisted with her award presentation, and in many of the others, and by the time they were complete there were few dry eyes in the room.
Kara had begun to get edgy when Lee was called back to the podium for Sharon, and then told to remain for the next presentation. She fidgeted in her seat as the President, the Commander, and her CAG all turned to face her. "Your turn, Lieutenant Thrace," the eldest Adama said with a soft smile. There was scattered applause as she stood on shaking legs and moved to the podium. Lee stood behind her, and she felt his hand settle at the base of her back, invisible to the audience, but comforting all the same.
"This is no surprise," the Commander began, to more than a scattering of laughter. "I've said for years, that Kara Thrace was the best pilot I had ever seen. During our initial attack, she led our museum Vipers into a clear defense against the Cylons. Her precision flying and shooting kept the vast majority of their nuclear ordinance away from the Galactica, and that was all that saved us. Then, she placed her own safety in jeopardy by volunteering to scout before the fleet, to evaluate and report the situation at Ragnar, which turned out to be a number of Cylon attack squadrons. Again, her professionalism and skill were all that allowed us to plan for and escape from the situation. Finally, during our escape she not only destroyed no less than fifteen Cylon craft, then defended one of our damaged Vipers that was unable to defend itself, but she also managed to bring back not only her craft, but her flight leader's damaged Viper in time for the jump. Don't ask me how she managed it," he said with a sideways look that caused more than few chuckles in the audience. "But she did. And for this, the President of the Twelve Colonies and I, her Commander, award the Gold Cluster. This is the highest honor that can be presented to any officer, and it is very well deserved. Wear it well, Starbuck.
Kara took the medal, but didn't meet Adama's eyes as she shook his hand. She wasn't sure she could. Then she saluted him, and finally caught his glance. He was smiling broadly. Next, Lee shook her hand firmly, giving an extra squeeze before he let go. Finally, the President offered another of her gentle hugs. Kara was offered the chance to say something, as the other recipients of the Gold Cluster had been, but she shook her head and stepped down from the podium as quickly as she could manage. Back at her seat, she looked down at the cluster and blinked quickly. She wished desperately that they would get this over with.
Thankfully, hers was the last of the presentations. There were a few other formalities to observe, memorials to be read and a couple of routine matters to be announced. But for the most part, when Kara eased herself down into her chair she was finished. She was done. Looking to her left, catching the wink that Lee sent her, she finally decided that she just might survive the night after all.
Lee watched Kara closely as she leaned against the hanger wall and looked at all the dancers. She was as far apart as if she had been up in her quarters. She wasn't talking, wasn't interacting, and since he'd left her side to help with moving tables out and transitioning one shift of revelers to the other she hadn't moved an inch.
The music was piped in over the loudspeakers. A live band would have been nice, but he didn't think one even existed anymore. Instead, they had collected every recording that anyone still had intact and each was sitting in CIC where the bridge crew could select and play them for the dance. It was one way of keeping them involved when they couldn't attend. It wasn't fair, but neither was leaving key stations unmanned for the purpose of recreation. He was fairly sure his father would make it up to them in some way.
By the time he had returned, most of the couples had paired off and were dancing to soft music that was distractingly tinny through the overhead speakers. But bad music was better than no music, so they were all tolerating it. In truth, most of the couples didn't seem to mind.
They danced in pairs, or in some cases three women together, or even one or two out there alone. But most everyone was indeed dancing. There were a couple of people still drifting over to the food table - mostly the new arrivals that hadn't had dinner yet - but they were a minority as well.
Glancing around, Lee noted that of the few people not dancing, they were all men. The women seemed to be out there regardless of being asked, with one another if no man was handy. It reminded him of the dances he'd been forced to attend at the academy.
As casually as possible, he sidled up to one of his Flight Lieutenants. "Harris," he said softly with a nod.
Regardless of his attempt to remain non-threatening, the soldier snapped to attention. "Sir?" His voice even cracked, and this wasn't one of the kids. Being CAG was a pain in the ass.
"At ease," he muttered. "This is a dance, not a formation."
The man slipped into parade rest. Not good, but better. He was one of the upper ranking officers in Blue Squadron, and usually around the quarters or in the ready room. Lee figured he knew Kara pretty well, as they split most of the duties down the center. "Everyone seems to be having a good time," Lee said in as casual a voice as he could manage.
"Yes, Sir. They do."
"Any idea why Lieutenant Thrace isn't dancing?"
The man finally dropped his frozen demeanor, realizing this was not a professional conversation. "Starbuck?" he asked in wonder. "Dance?"
"Most everyone is," Lee remarked.
Harris shrugged. "Yeah, but who'd ask her?" the man suggested. "She'd either deck 'em or stick 'em on report. She'll play a card game, but she doesn't really let anyone get closer than that, if you know what I mean."
Lee frowned. It didn't sound like the Kara he knew.
"Don't get me wrong, Sir," Harris inserted quickly, as though knowing he might have said too much. "She's a good guy. She's just not the kind of girl that you'd want to take home to your mother. Not that she'd want to go anyway."
Lee nodded, having gleaned even more information than he had intended from the conversation. He spent most of his time either with the command crew in CIC or in his father's office making schedules and rosters. Well, that and the flight deck itself. He hadn't had time to hang out with the men from any of the squadrons - assuming they would even consent to having him do so - so he hadn't had a clue what their perceptions of her were. Now he was afraid that he had too good an idea.
He watched her a bit longer, standing by herself against the far wall, one knee bent so that her left foot was flat on the wall. It was a relaxed posture, but the expression on her face was anything but pleased. After another twenty minutes, she hadn't moved. A couple of the girls had come up and spoken to her, and she had smiled and spoke to them, but as soon as their backs turned she resumed her quiet, watchful stance.
Lee took the long way around the bay, smiling when he saw some of the couples in clinches far more intimate than was probably appropriate. It wasn't his place to report them tonight. This was their night - the only one they would get - and he wasn't going to take that away from them.
When he reached Kara's side of the bay, he thought she'd see him coming. He approached slowly, and only when she startled did he realize that her gaze had been focused inward rather than on the dancers before her.
"You okay?" he asked quietly. The music was soft now, just a whisper above the soft voices of the dancers as they moved with their partners. He didn't have to yell.
"Fine," she said with the most false smile he'd seen in a long time. "Enjoying the dance?"
"I haven't made it out there yet," he admitted. "I was checking on the shift change and getting the tables squared away."
"Captains do that?" she asked with a quirk of her mouth. At least it was more real than her smile had been.
"On occasion," he admitted. Then, on impulse, "Do Lieutenants dance?"
"Most of them are," she replied in a wry tone.
He looked out at the dancers, back at her, and still she hadn't met his eyes. "Dance with me, Kara."
She finally looked at him and really met his eyes. "I haven't danced in ages," she admitted. "I don't think so."
He didn't feel like arguing. He took one of her hands in his and gave a slight tug. "Dance with me," he repeated.
She could have pulled away, but he didn't really think she'd make a scene. Her eyes told him just how much she was hating this, but for just a moment he wanted to get her close enough to have a private conversation in the public room. Once on the floor, he positioned her hands around his neck, and placed his own hands at her waist, leaving a careful six inches between their bodies. Perfectly proper form.
After a few moments of swaying from one foot to the other, he chanced a glance down at her. She was staring steadily at his neck. "You okay?" he asked her, his voice no more than controlled breath in her ear.
She nodded, then shivered. "I'm not used to this."
He grinned. "None of us are anymore," he told her. "I'm more comfortable in a Viper than in a dress uniform."
She nodded, but still didn't meet his eyes.
He decided to let it go for a moment, and just enjoy having his arms around a beautiful woman and no place he needed to be. The worries were still there, banked behind a determination to ignore them for a few hours, but he wasn't considering them at the moment. He had another problem on his hands.
Kara was shaking. It wasn't obvious, and if he hadn't been holding her he wouldn't likely have known it, but she was trembling all the same.
"What's wrong?" he asked her softly, well beyond asking if she was okay. She wasn't. He knew that.
She shook her head, but she didn't answer.
He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. If he hadn't known her so well, he'd be angry. But he did. She was getting ready to come apart, and she was doing everything in her power not to.
Lee slid a hand from her waist up to the back of her head and exerted just a bit of pressure. She didn't resist, and he found her forehead resting in the center of his chest as she looked at the ground. He moved his other arm up, linking his arms under hers, hands curled up to rest on her shoulders, effectively guarding her face from view. If she needed some time, he'd give her that. He rested his chin on her head, closed his eyes for a moment, and in the pretense of a dance he held her.
They swayed that way for a very long time. Gradually her shaking stopped, and the tiny breaths she'd been taking became more normal. He couldn't help the relief that swamped him. She was going to get through this. He wasn't sure what he would have done if she'd started crying on him.
He waited a few more moments before placing a finger under her chin and forcing her to meet his eyes. "Are you ready to get out of here?"
He didn't think her look could have been more grateful if he'd handed her a case of cigars. "Can we do that?" she asked honestly.
He touched the Gold Cluster pinned to her collar and grinned. "We can do what we want tonight," he told her firmly. Her smile, small though it was, was all the reward he needed. "I do need to take care of something really quick. Will you be okay?"
She raised one eyebrow, her usual spunk coming back to the fore. "I'll live," she said with a slight smile. "Just get me out of this place."
He smiled at her again, patted her on one shoulder, and left her to go call in a couple of favors.
The day of the ceremony arrived with very little fuss. Kara was stunned that it was finally here. She promised herself that she would only think of this as the day of the celebration. It didn't need to be anything else. She didn't need to remember anything else.
God, she wanted a drink.
She woke before the alarm went off, so she shut it off quickly to spare others the noise. She slid from her bed, picking up her bag at her locker and stripping her uniform as she went. She dumped it in the community hamper, and waited briefly in the shower line dressed in only her underwear. It wasn't an uncommon sight. Most of those around her were dressed in a similar fashion.
Because there was little line, she took a bit longer in the shower. She scrubbed her hair twice, took time to shave her legs, and even used a little of the lotion she'd been given on her last birthday. By the time she left the shower she was almost able to convince herself that the day would be okay. Almost.
She combed her hair back as she stood in front of a mirror dressed in her towel. She was off duty today because she was slated to receive an award. The tradition involved a three-day pass, but given the circumstances the reward accompanying the cluster was a full pass to the party and forty- eight hours off duty. She didn't have to work at all. Most of the ship would be in shifts today, allowing half to come to the banquet and presentation, and the other half to come to the dance. Lucky her. She got to do both.
She didn't feel like running. That was a switch, but she didn't want to question it. She didn't really want to do anything. She had hours until the ceremony would begin, and no real way to fill them. It was going to be a long day. Even Lee wasn't around to pester. He was with his father, making final preparations for the award presentation. She wondered how he was going to manage it, as he was up for a Gold Cluster himself.
She started her day by walking down to the life center and checking on Hawk. He was sitting up now, although still wrapped in a number of bandages. He had taken some severe burns to his legs and back, as well as to his hands and face. He would be a long time getting back into a Raptor. Still, his spirits were pretty good, and he was ready to be out of there. He asked a lot of questions about the accident - apparently no one had really told him much about what had happened - and seemed to enjoy her visit. She was glad about that. Sitting and teasing him had loosened the knot in her chest and made her feel better. She thought she just might get through the day after all.
Her next stop was at Tyrol's room. She had come by a couple of times to see Sharon during the past week, and it was good to be around a friend. Sharon was so happy that she positively glowed. She and Tyrol were getting married just as soon as they could get the priest back to the Galactica. It had been a long time coming, but Kara couldn't help but be happy for her friend. She deserved a little happiness, and the Chief - well, the chief deserved it as much as Sharon did. They made a really cute couple. If it all brought back memories best forgotten, then that was her problem too. It was all her problem.
Unfortunately, Sharon was back on duty this morning. She wasn't flying, but she was working on schedules up in CIC. She would be off in time for the ceremony, but not before then for Kara to talk to. She had to think of something else to do.
The something else turned out to be several games of Solitary Pyramid at the foot of her bed. She couldn't seem to concentrate well enough to win a game, but at least it passed the time. When the time got close for the ceremony, she went ahead and put on her dress uniform. As she had told Lee, it was too big, but she still preferred it to wearing a strange one. She tightened her belt, looked herself over in the mirror, and decided it would have to do. By this time the quarters was filled with chattering pilots, all dressing and smiling, getting ready for a long awaited celebration.
Later, Kara would be disappointed that she hadn't done more with her day off, but for now she was just glad it was over. She would sit through the ceremony, try to eat something at the banquet, and quietly disappear from the dance. She just had to get there.
The hanger bay had been cleared as it had been for the decommissioning ceremony. Tables had been brought in from both officers and enlisted mess,,and a long row of trays held more food than she had seen in a year. She wished she could be excited about any of it. She wished she could feel something. Anything.
"Kara?"
She turned to see Lee walking towards her. He was in full dress uniform and looked as good as he always had. The Adama men could really fill out a uniform; that was certain.
"Hey," she called back. "Any idea where we're supposed to be?"
"You're sitting up front with us," he told her as he pointed. "Front table."
"Front?"
"Gold Cluster," he told her with a grin. "I'm surprised it didn't come with a step promotion."
"That probably had something to do with my hitting the XO that morning," she told him wryly.
"No doubt," he agreed. "You're up between me and my father."
She lifted one eyebrow in surprise, but followed him up to the front table. Tigh gave her a courteous nod, but didn't say anything. She was thankful for small favors. If he didn't say anything, then she didn't have to be polite.
It took more than half an hour for the hanger to fill, then another ten minutes to get everyone's attention. No one appeared to notice Kara's silence. She just sat and listened, and everyone else went on about their business. Even Lee was preoccupied enough with the presentation roster that he didn't try to get her to talk.
Finally the night officially began. The President said a few words, their Priest blessed the meal, and then they were lined up to fill their plates.
As much as she had been looking forward to a meal, nothing really looked good to her. She shuffled along in the line, numbness pervading her, picking up a few spoonfuls here and there.
"Not hungry?" Lee asked her in concern.
"I don't think I know what to do with real food," she admitted.
He apparently had no such problem. His plate was piled high with meat, breads, and vegetables. She lifted one eyebrow at the amount of food on his plate, but didn't comment. It did look better than blobs of protein or the concentrated drinks that had kept them going while the ag-ships got themselves together, but she was pretty sure that eating that much just might make him sick.
Back at the table, she ate the few bites from her plate as she listened to the lively conversation. She felt apart from it, but it was still nice to see people smiling for a change, laughing and eating and having a good time. She might not really be enjoying it, but she appreciated that others were.
"Try this," Lee told her, dropping spoonful of meat on her plate. She did as he asked, and decided that it was good. "Did you get any of the fruit?" he asked once he'd swallowed what was in his mouth. When she shook her head, he put some of that on her plate as well.
Over the course of the next few minutes, he managed to transfer nearly half of what was on his plate to hers. She figured out what he was doing about midway through, but didn't have it in her to argue. If eating a few more bites would keep the smile on his face, then she would just have to eat. In truth, her appetite had awakened after the first few items and it wasn't too much of a trial. Real food tasted pretty good, and it had been a long time since she had eaten her fill of anything.
She put her foot down when he tried to pawn off a rich dessert on her. She really was full, and she let him know that. He grinned at her, ate a few more bites, and finally talked her into trying it. She had to give him credit for persistence.
She also felt better with a little food in her. Come to think of it, she hadn't eaten breakfast. Or lunch. It was no wonder she was light-headed and rather disconnected. She normally kept her days to a routine - wake, shower, run, eat, work, eat, work, eat, weights, sleep. With so much time on her hands, she'd lost track of what to do with herself.
As everyone finished their meals, some well deserved praise was given to the galley staff for their exceptional efforts. Colonel Tigh laughingly offered up a Bronze Cluster, and part of the room was willing to allow it. If they had been military, it would have been a sure thing. It was well past time that the Military started eating regular meals again.
The President stood to begin the festivities. Kara tuned out much of the discussion, feeling full and warm and just a little drowsy. When the Commander was called to the podium, she sat up a little straighter and forced herself to be alert. This, after all, was why they were here.
"Thank you, President Roslyn, for the introduction." He glanced down over his troops with a wry grin. "I just hope I can live up to it." Laughter all around at his humility in the face of her affluent praise could be heard for several seconds. She had spoken the truth: he had saved all their lives with quick thinking and decisive action. They knew it, even if he insisted it was a team effort.
"It's been a long six-months," he stated simply. "In our desire to survive, a lot of things have been pushed to the back of our minds. Some of us can't even remember the events that occurred during the initial attack. I know all of us would rather forget. But this crew rose to the challenge, and a team of essentially Rookies with a few seasoned veterans managed to pull off a miracle. We're here. We're alive. And we will get through this.
"But survival isn't all there is to living. We have taken the time to honor our dead, but in our rush to escape the Cylon threat we haven't taken time to thank those that made it possible and lived to tell about it. We survived, and the fleet survived, because this crew kept themselves together in the face of an insurmountable challenge. I think it's time that the military thanked them properly."
There was silence rather than applause as the Commander announced the two- hundred and eleven men and women who received a Bronze Cluster. They walked to the podium when called, performed the standard take-shake-salute, and remained standing in lines until all were complete. The applause that followed was thundering.
The award was given to each of the original crewman that had held to their duties during the primary Cylon attack. These were the bridge crew that had kept the Galactica on course even with tears in their eyes, and holes in their hearts. These were the Specialists that found the details, kept the crewmen informed, and managed not to fall apart as the world was destroyed around them. These were the repairmen that put the CIC back together following a nuclear blast, raising columns and anchoring tables. These were the backbone of the Galactica.
Next, the President requested that Captain Apollo join them at the podium. They presented fifty-three Silver Clusters. These were the fireman that had gone into an inferno to pull out shipmates, living or dead. These were the pilots that had fought the Cylons in antiquated ships, and the flight crews that put those ships together. These were the heroes of the Galactica, the men and women that went above and beyond the call of duty to be sure that the mission was accomplished, and that the Galactica survived. Once again, the applause that followed was tumultuous.
Finally, Captain Apollo was seated and the final presentations began. There were only nine of these. Lee was the first one called to the podium, and he laughed about jumping up and down, saying he should have just stayed there. The joking stopped when his father faced him, and with a voice rougher than usual began to explain the significance of the Gold Cluster. It was given only to those who had placed their life on the line for the protection of the Colonies. Most were given posthumously, and the Commander stated emphatically that was very happy this award was not following that particular tradition.
Apollo stood as still as a statue while his father read out the reasons he was being decorated. He was receiving the Gold Cluster for placing himself in the line of fire with no weaponry in order to save the President's ship. He took the award from his father, shook his hand, and saluted in receipt of the medal. The President was less formal, giving him a gentle hug and her heartfelt thanks. Kara thought Lee looked awfully glad to sit down.
Others were called. Fire crew that had put their lives on the line to go into a flaming area and try to save rookies who would not know how to save themselves. Without breathers, they had grabbed rookies and either slammed them into a suit or thrown them clear of the fire so that they could escape or withstand the ventilation.
Sharon was called as well, standing shakily up on the podium as she received her cluster for escaping direct Cylon fire, repairing her ship, and rescuing others as she jumped into and out of the danger zones. Her information had also been invaluable in preparing the older Vipers to be effective against the Cylon fleet. Tyrol assisted with her award presentation, and in many of the others, and by the time they were complete there were few dry eyes in the room.
Kara had begun to get edgy when Lee was called back to the podium for Sharon, and then told to remain for the next presentation. She fidgeted in her seat as the President, the Commander, and her CAG all turned to face her. "Your turn, Lieutenant Thrace," the eldest Adama said with a soft smile. There was scattered applause as she stood on shaking legs and moved to the podium. Lee stood behind her, and she felt his hand settle at the base of her back, invisible to the audience, but comforting all the same.
"This is no surprise," the Commander began, to more than a scattering of laughter. "I've said for years, that Kara Thrace was the best pilot I had ever seen. During our initial attack, she led our museum Vipers into a clear defense against the Cylons. Her precision flying and shooting kept the vast majority of their nuclear ordinance away from the Galactica, and that was all that saved us. Then, she placed her own safety in jeopardy by volunteering to scout before the fleet, to evaluate and report the situation at Ragnar, which turned out to be a number of Cylon attack squadrons. Again, her professionalism and skill were all that allowed us to plan for and escape from the situation. Finally, during our escape she not only destroyed no less than fifteen Cylon craft, then defended one of our damaged Vipers that was unable to defend itself, but she also managed to bring back not only her craft, but her flight leader's damaged Viper in time for the jump. Don't ask me how she managed it," he said with a sideways look that caused more than few chuckles in the audience. "But she did. And for this, the President of the Twelve Colonies and I, her Commander, award the Gold Cluster. This is the highest honor that can be presented to any officer, and it is very well deserved. Wear it well, Starbuck.
Kara took the medal, but didn't meet Adama's eyes as she shook his hand. She wasn't sure she could. Then she saluted him, and finally caught his glance. He was smiling broadly. Next, Lee shook her hand firmly, giving an extra squeeze before he let go. Finally, the President offered another of her gentle hugs. Kara was offered the chance to say something, as the other recipients of the Gold Cluster had been, but she shook her head and stepped down from the podium as quickly as she could manage. Back at her seat, she looked down at the cluster and blinked quickly. She wished desperately that they would get this over with.
Thankfully, hers was the last of the presentations. There were a few other formalities to observe, memorials to be read and a couple of routine matters to be announced. But for the most part, when Kara eased herself down into her chair she was finished. She was done. Looking to her left, catching the wink that Lee sent her, she finally decided that she just might survive the night after all.
Lee watched Kara closely as she leaned against the hanger wall and looked at all the dancers. She was as far apart as if she had been up in her quarters. She wasn't talking, wasn't interacting, and since he'd left her side to help with moving tables out and transitioning one shift of revelers to the other she hadn't moved an inch.
The music was piped in over the loudspeakers. A live band would have been nice, but he didn't think one even existed anymore. Instead, they had collected every recording that anyone still had intact and each was sitting in CIC where the bridge crew could select and play them for the dance. It was one way of keeping them involved when they couldn't attend. It wasn't fair, but neither was leaving key stations unmanned for the purpose of recreation. He was fairly sure his father would make it up to them in some way.
By the time he had returned, most of the couples had paired off and were dancing to soft music that was distractingly tinny through the overhead speakers. But bad music was better than no music, so they were all tolerating it. In truth, most of the couples didn't seem to mind.
They danced in pairs, or in some cases three women together, or even one or two out there alone. But most everyone was indeed dancing. There were a couple of people still drifting over to the food table - mostly the new arrivals that hadn't had dinner yet - but they were a minority as well.
Glancing around, Lee noted that of the few people not dancing, they were all men. The women seemed to be out there regardless of being asked, with one another if no man was handy. It reminded him of the dances he'd been forced to attend at the academy.
As casually as possible, he sidled up to one of his Flight Lieutenants. "Harris," he said softly with a nod.
Regardless of his attempt to remain non-threatening, the soldier snapped to attention. "Sir?" His voice even cracked, and this wasn't one of the kids. Being CAG was a pain in the ass.
"At ease," he muttered. "This is a dance, not a formation."
The man slipped into parade rest. Not good, but better. He was one of the upper ranking officers in Blue Squadron, and usually around the quarters or in the ready room. Lee figured he knew Kara pretty well, as they split most of the duties down the center. "Everyone seems to be having a good time," Lee said in as casual a voice as he could manage.
"Yes, Sir. They do."
"Any idea why Lieutenant Thrace isn't dancing?"
The man finally dropped his frozen demeanor, realizing this was not a professional conversation. "Starbuck?" he asked in wonder. "Dance?"
"Most everyone is," Lee remarked.
Harris shrugged. "Yeah, but who'd ask her?" the man suggested. "She'd either deck 'em or stick 'em on report. She'll play a card game, but she doesn't really let anyone get closer than that, if you know what I mean."
Lee frowned. It didn't sound like the Kara he knew.
"Don't get me wrong, Sir," Harris inserted quickly, as though knowing he might have said too much. "She's a good guy. She's just not the kind of girl that you'd want to take home to your mother. Not that she'd want to go anyway."
Lee nodded, having gleaned even more information than he had intended from the conversation. He spent most of his time either with the command crew in CIC or in his father's office making schedules and rosters. Well, that and the flight deck itself. He hadn't had time to hang out with the men from any of the squadrons - assuming they would even consent to having him do so - so he hadn't had a clue what their perceptions of her were. Now he was afraid that he had too good an idea.
He watched her a bit longer, standing by herself against the far wall, one knee bent so that her left foot was flat on the wall. It was a relaxed posture, but the expression on her face was anything but pleased. After another twenty minutes, she hadn't moved. A couple of the girls had come up and spoken to her, and she had smiled and spoke to them, but as soon as their backs turned she resumed her quiet, watchful stance.
Lee took the long way around the bay, smiling when he saw some of the couples in clinches far more intimate than was probably appropriate. It wasn't his place to report them tonight. This was their night - the only one they would get - and he wasn't going to take that away from them.
When he reached Kara's side of the bay, he thought she'd see him coming. He approached slowly, and only when she startled did he realize that her gaze had been focused inward rather than on the dancers before her.
"You okay?" he asked quietly. The music was soft now, just a whisper above the soft voices of the dancers as they moved with their partners. He didn't have to yell.
"Fine," she said with the most false smile he'd seen in a long time. "Enjoying the dance?"
"I haven't made it out there yet," he admitted. "I was checking on the shift change and getting the tables squared away."
"Captains do that?" she asked with a quirk of her mouth. At least it was more real than her smile had been.
"On occasion," he admitted. Then, on impulse, "Do Lieutenants dance?"
"Most of them are," she replied in a wry tone.
He looked out at the dancers, back at her, and still she hadn't met his eyes. "Dance with me, Kara."
She finally looked at him and really met his eyes. "I haven't danced in ages," she admitted. "I don't think so."
He didn't feel like arguing. He took one of her hands in his and gave a slight tug. "Dance with me," he repeated.
She could have pulled away, but he didn't really think she'd make a scene. Her eyes told him just how much she was hating this, but for just a moment he wanted to get her close enough to have a private conversation in the public room. Once on the floor, he positioned her hands around his neck, and placed his own hands at her waist, leaving a careful six inches between their bodies. Perfectly proper form.
After a few moments of swaying from one foot to the other, he chanced a glance down at her. She was staring steadily at his neck. "You okay?" he asked her, his voice no more than controlled breath in her ear.
She nodded, then shivered. "I'm not used to this."
He grinned. "None of us are anymore," he told her. "I'm more comfortable in a Viper than in a dress uniform."
She nodded, but still didn't meet his eyes.
He decided to let it go for a moment, and just enjoy having his arms around a beautiful woman and no place he needed to be. The worries were still there, banked behind a determination to ignore them for a few hours, but he wasn't considering them at the moment. He had another problem on his hands.
Kara was shaking. It wasn't obvious, and if he hadn't been holding her he wouldn't likely have known it, but she was trembling all the same.
"What's wrong?" he asked her softly, well beyond asking if she was okay. She wasn't. He knew that.
She shook her head, but she didn't answer.
He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. If he hadn't known her so well, he'd be angry. But he did. She was getting ready to come apart, and she was doing everything in her power not to.
Lee slid a hand from her waist up to the back of her head and exerted just a bit of pressure. She didn't resist, and he found her forehead resting in the center of his chest as she looked at the ground. He moved his other arm up, linking his arms under hers, hands curled up to rest on her shoulders, effectively guarding her face from view. If she needed some time, he'd give her that. He rested his chin on her head, closed his eyes for a moment, and in the pretense of a dance he held her.
They swayed that way for a very long time. Gradually her shaking stopped, and the tiny breaths she'd been taking became more normal. He couldn't help the relief that swamped him. She was going to get through this. He wasn't sure what he would have done if she'd started crying on him.
He waited a few more moments before placing a finger under her chin and forcing her to meet his eyes. "Are you ready to get out of here?"
He didn't think her look could have been more grateful if he'd handed her a case of cigars. "Can we do that?" she asked honestly.
He touched the Gold Cluster pinned to her collar and grinned. "We can do what we want tonight," he told her firmly. Her smile, small though it was, was all the reward he needed. "I do need to take care of something really quick. Will you be okay?"
She raised one eyebrow, her usual spunk coming back to the fore. "I'll live," she said with a slight smile. "Just get me out of this place."
He smiled at her again, patted her on one shoulder, and left her to go call in a couple of favors.