Chapter 8
As it turned out, it was a lot longer than a minute. Kara continued to watch the dancers around her, feeling more cut-off than she had before. She drifted over to the food table and got something to drink, but she wasn't even really thirsty. She just wanted to be out of this place, and she couldn't think of a way to do it gracefully.
"What do you hear, Starbuck?"
She grinned at the familiar voice. "Nothin' but the rain, Sir."
William Adama smiled back at her. "You're awfully somber for having just received the fleet's greatest honor," he remarked. "I think it's fitting that you'll finally have something good to remember for this day."
"It was always a good day," she said softly.
"Now maybe it can be again." He looked at her for a moment more, but she didn't speak. "He would have been very proud of you," he finally said.
"You think?"
He smiled softly, placing a hand at her shoulder in comfort. "I know he would.
She watched the dancers for a moment more, the Commander following her gaze. "I can't remember what he sounded like," she said very softly. "Is that good or bad?"
William looked back at her and seemed to consider that for a moment. "I think it's natural," he finally said. "He wouldn't want you to be miserable about it, though. Time moves on. In a way, I'm just glad he never had to see what our world came to. When he died, his family was together, his mother was alive, his planet was intact." He smiled softly as he concluded, "And his girl was happy. I miss him, but I'm glad he never knew this war. His heart was too soft for it."
Kara nodded her agreement, but didn't speak. Her throat was feeling a little tight. So she just looked around, checked the doorways to see if Lee was on his way back, and enjoyed the quiet company of the closest thing to a father she'd ever really known.
"You know what, Starbuck?"
She turned to look at him. "Sir?"
"I saw you dance with my son, but I don't think I've ever had the honor. How about dancing with an old man?"
She grinned at him, because she knew that he knew that she'd never turn him down, and it had nothing to do with his being her commander. "Are you going to step on my feet?" she asked as she moved towards the dancers."
"Probably," he admitted.
She smiled, taking his hands and beginning to dance with him among the others. He held her lower arms as she held his upper arms, and they just swayed to the music. They stayed that way for a couple of songs, and Kara was glad to pass the time with something more than watching.
After the music of the third song ended, he stepped back from her with a smile. "I really do need to get up to CIC and find out what's been going on. Colonel Tigh might want to come down for a while."
"Thanks for the warning," she said dryly.
The Commander looked as if he was going to walk off, but at the last minute he turned back. "There are no perfect people on this ship," he said mildly. "And we all come here with pasts that we might not be proud of. But since the beginning of this war, we've all done our best to take care of one another and this ship. Colonel Tigh has done his part. I think he deserves that credit. What happened before the war just doesn't matter anymore."
Kara nodded as she understood the underlying message. Leave Tigh alone. Got it. No problem. If anyone else had suggested it, she might have slugged them, but this was her commander. "Yes, Sir."
He nodded then, turning and leaving her there at the edge of the dancers. She took a deep breath, then went to stand back by the wall where Lee had left her. She hoped he would get back soon.
Lee came through the hanger doors just shy of a run. He had planned to take only a short while setting things up, but it had been more complicated than he'd expected. For that matter, if he hadn't been the Commander's son, he probably wouldn't have managed it at all. If he had to take all the crap from being related to their commander, then he would damn well take the advantages as well.
Thankfully, Kara was just where he'd left her. He came up to her at a jog, slightly out of breath. "I'm set. You ready?"
"Where've you been?" she asked, giving him a strange look. "What did you need to do?"
"You'll see," he told her with a grin. "Let's get out of here."
He led and she followed, which in and of itself was an unusual occurrence. When they passed by quarters, headed towards the far end of the ship, she gave him a curious look, but didn't question him. He had never put her in harms way, and he figured she knew that. Finally they came to a closed hatch just past the family quarters.
"What's this?" she asked in confusion.
"I didn't figure you'd know," he told her wryly. "These are the private rooms. Waiting list for them is about six weeks, but I know people who know people."
"Private?"
He shrugged. "Yeah. I figured you might want to get out of the main quarters for tonight. You're off tomorrow, so you can sleep as late as you want, lay around in the quiet, or whatever. We all need solo time on occasion, and I don't think you've had any since the war began."
She gave him an uncertain smile as he ushered her inside the small room, closing the hatch behind them. "There's no lock," he admitted. "But no one should bother you here."
She turned to look at him in confusion. "So, this is like the brig?"
He laughed at her. "Not exactly. Take a look."
She finally took a good look around the room. He watched her eyes widen as she took in the large bed, the table containing a deck of cards and two cigars, a change of clothes, and two of her favorite books. The speed with which her glance flew back to him was almost comical.
"Consider it a vacation," he said softly. "You've earned it."
She looked around the room again, and finally a true smile lit her face. "Nobody coughing in the next bed? Nobody muttering about smoke? Nobody telling me to put the damn cards away so they can get some sleep?"
"Now you're getting it," he said, patting her on the head like a toddler.
She looked around the room a third time, and let out a small laugh. "I won't have a clue what to do with myself. How in hell did you pull this off? I didn't even know this room was here."
He didn't want to go into the way he'd thrown his rank around to manage it. "There are a few of them," he said simply. "There's a waiting list, but they're designed for just this: getting away from the crowd. Most of them have been converted into family rooms, but there are a few singles if you know who to ask."
She had walked away from him, circling the small room and opening the door at the far side. "A bathroom? Nobody watching?"
"And a shower stall," he added with a grin. "But there is a timer on it. Ten minutes, I think, but that's still pretty generous given what we're used to."
"Why?" she finally asked.
She wasn't asking why there was a timer, so he didn't bother to pretend ignorance. He took a deep breath before answering. "I know it hasn't been an easy day for you. I just thought you might want to get away for a while. No strings; I swear. I won't put you on long patrol or loan you out to the kitchen staff. I just." he stopped then, knowing he'd probably said too much.
"You just what?"
It didn't surprise him that she wasn't letting him off the hook. "I haven't seen you smile in a while," he admitted quietly. "I thought it might help if you had something to smile about."
She walked over and sat on the edge of the bed, looking around herself with a touch of wonder. He couldn't blame her. The one thing that the Galactica could not provide was privacy. They slept in a group, showered in a group, and even shared a community bathroom. Granted, there were some modesty curtains or walls thrown in, but the greatest irritation on the Galactica was that you were never alone. Even in a Viper, when it was just you and the space around you, the wireless kept you monitored at all times.
"This is nice," she said softly. "Thanks."
He was glad she liked it, but was more used to sarcastic retorts than grateful words. It made him a little uncomfortable. "I won't say 'anytime', because I couldn't follow through, but I'm glad I could do it."
"I'll probably be climbing the walls in an hour," she admitted.
"So you have cards, cigars, and I found a couple of novels by that mystery writer you used to like. That's actually what took me so long. They belong to Tavers, and he was on duty. It took me forever to track him down."
She tilted her head sideways as she regarded him. "It's been a tough day for you, too," she reminded him. "He was your brother."
"And he died doing what he wanted to do," Lee said softly. "I'm learning to live with that. I thought because I was older, it wasn't my responsibility to keep him safe, but he was an adult. He got into the plane. And he's the one that made the mistakes. I hate that he's gone, and I miss him at the weirdest times, but it's getting easier."
"For me too," she admitted. "That's part of what bothers me. I don't ever want to forget him."
"He won't be forgotten," Lee said gently, taking a seat beside her on the bed. "His body is gone, but he's still a big part of you, and of me. We spent a lot of years with him, and that doesn't go away just because he did."
They sat in silence for a moment more, then Lee stood to leave. "Well," he told her. "I'd better leave you to it."
"Lee?"
There was an odd note in her voice, and when he turned around he saw the same emotion on her face. "Don't go."
If it hadn't been for the vague desperation on her face, he might have brushed the comment off. He took a deep breath and let it out on a sigh. "I think I need to. You're going to take enough flack for dancing with me and leaving with me. If neither of us are in quarters tonight, it'll hit the fan when it leaks that I checked out a private room." He looked at her pointedly, "I don't think you're ready for that kind of hassle."
She looked away for a moment, and then back. "I already have that hassle," she admitted wryly. "I take your orders, run with you, and eat with you. They already think there's something going on."
He walked back towards her with a confused look on his face. "But I've never given the impression.." He trailed off, then continued. "Is that why the crew refuses to speak to me half of the time?"
She shook her head. "They don't trust you," she said simply. "You're one of the new guys, and the Commander's son on top of it. They don't know you well enough to like you, and you haven't exactly given them much to work with."
He lifted an eyebrow. "What do you mean by that?"
She shrugged before answering, as though he should know this already. "You don't play cards with them, you don't ask about their families, and you don't joke around. You don't.," she searched for the word for a bit. "You don't fit."
He looked at the ceiling for a moment, understanding dawning. In his effort to remain professional, to prove that he was good at his job and not just the Commander's son, he had probably alienated every one of the crew members. It didn't matter that it was unintentional. It was done just the same. "I didn't realize," he said, stating the obvious.
"So it won't matter," she reasoned, returning to the discussion that had sparked this. "They already think something's going on, so leaving won't change their minds. Besides, I really don't care what they think of me anyway. I never have. My friends know the truth, and that's what matters. The rest of the crew can go jettison themselves if they have a problem with me."
Lee walked back over to the bed and sat down next to her again. "I'll stay if you'll answer one question," he offered.
"So you're worth bargaining for?" she asked with a smirk.
He ignored her attempt at diversion. "Why didn't you dance? It's more than Zak, isn't it. If I hadn't drug you out there, you wouldn't have set foot on the floor."
"I danced after you left," she told him indignantly. At his raised eyebrow she clarified, "With your dad."
"But no one else?"
She looked him in the eye, making him uncomfortable under the intensity of her gaze. "Nobody asked."
"Why not?"
She looked taken aback, and then finally smiled. "I guess they feared for their lives," she admitted.
"What?" His smile was wide, but curious.
"When I first got here, I was a mess," she told him. "I'd just lost Zak, and I wasn't ready to do anything. A few of the guys asked me out - new meat and all - but I was pretty good at turning them down. A few months after I got here, the CAG we had - not the one you met, but the one before that - anyway, he pushed me until I agreed to have dinner with him."
"Go on," he prompted when she stopped. He was loving this, because he thought he knew what was coming.
"After dinner he made a pass," she said with a shrug. "I broke his jaw."
Lee laughed long and hard. Kara joined in as well, and in a few minutes they were both wiping away tears. "How the hell did you get out of that one?" he asked. "Striking an officer is one thing, but breaking bones is another."
"I agreed not to press charges for harassment if he didn't press them for battery. But not before he told every pilot on the ship what a bitch I was."
Lee sobered at that. "They can't believe that," he reasoned. "Everyone on board respects you. I can see it when they work with you. They know you're the best. You wouldn't have that respect if they thought you were a bitch."
She shrugged one shoulder again; it was becoming habitual. "The crew has turned over since then, and most of those guys are gone. But the word got passed that I wasn't exactly easy. Most everyone stays clear. It works for me, though. I'd rather have their respect and a good game of cards then have them act like idiots around me."
He could understand that. "Okay, fair answer. I'm yours for the night. But if you expect me to stay in dress uniform you're nuts. This thing is miserable."
"I was just thinking the same thing," she admitted, pulling at the collar of her uniform. "Don't worry; I've seen you in your underwear before."
He grinned at that. "At least you won't faint," he suggested.
"Nah," she said with a wink. "You're not too hard on the eyes."
"Thanks."
She shrugged one last time, then cocked her head to the side and gave him a classic "Kara" smile. "I'm gonna get a shower. You want me to save you five minutes?"
"Nope," he told her. "It's all yours."
"Thanks," she said again, and disappeared behind the hatch leading to the bathroom.
As it turned out, it was a lot longer than a minute. Kara continued to watch the dancers around her, feeling more cut-off than she had before. She drifted over to the food table and got something to drink, but she wasn't even really thirsty. She just wanted to be out of this place, and she couldn't think of a way to do it gracefully.
"What do you hear, Starbuck?"
She grinned at the familiar voice. "Nothin' but the rain, Sir."
William Adama smiled back at her. "You're awfully somber for having just received the fleet's greatest honor," he remarked. "I think it's fitting that you'll finally have something good to remember for this day."
"It was always a good day," she said softly.
"Now maybe it can be again." He looked at her for a moment more, but she didn't speak. "He would have been very proud of you," he finally said.
"You think?"
He smiled softly, placing a hand at her shoulder in comfort. "I know he would.
She watched the dancers for a moment more, the Commander following her gaze. "I can't remember what he sounded like," she said very softly. "Is that good or bad?"
William looked back at her and seemed to consider that for a moment. "I think it's natural," he finally said. "He wouldn't want you to be miserable about it, though. Time moves on. In a way, I'm just glad he never had to see what our world came to. When he died, his family was together, his mother was alive, his planet was intact." He smiled softly as he concluded, "And his girl was happy. I miss him, but I'm glad he never knew this war. His heart was too soft for it."
Kara nodded her agreement, but didn't speak. Her throat was feeling a little tight. So she just looked around, checked the doorways to see if Lee was on his way back, and enjoyed the quiet company of the closest thing to a father she'd ever really known.
"You know what, Starbuck?"
She turned to look at him. "Sir?"
"I saw you dance with my son, but I don't think I've ever had the honor. How about dancing with an old man?"
She grinned at him, because she knew that he knew that she'd never turn him down, and it had nothing to do with his being her commander. "Are you going to step on my feet?" she asked as she moved towards the dancers."
"Probably," he admitted.
She smiled, taking his hands and beginning to dance with him among the others. He held her lower arms as she held his upper arms, and they just swayed to the music. They stayed that way for a couple of songs, and Kara was glad to pass the time with something more than watching.
After the music of the third song ended, he stepped back from her with a smile. "I really do need to get up to CIC and find out what's been going on. Colonel Tigh might want to come down for a while."
"Thanks for the warning," she said dryly.
The Commander looked as if he was going to walk off, but at the last minute he turned back. "There are no perfect people on this ship," he said mildly. "And we all come here with pasts that we might not be proud of. But since the beginning of this war, we've all done our best to take care of one another and this ship. Colonel Tigh has done his part. I think he deserves that credit. What happened before the war just doesn't matter anymore."
Kara nodded as she understood the underlying message. Leave Tigh alone. Got it. No problem. If anyone else had suggested it, she might have slugged them, but this was her commander. "Yes, Sir."
He nodded then, turning and leaving her there at the edge of the dancers. She took a deep breath, then went to stand back by the wall where Lee had left her. She hoped he would get back soon.
Lee came through the hanger doors just shy of a run. He had planned to take only a short while setting things up, but it had been more complicated than he'd expected. For that matter, if he hadn't been the Commander's son, he probably wouldn't have managed it at all. If he had to take all the crap from being related to their commander, then he would damn well take the advantages as well.
Thankfully, Kara was just where he'd left her. He came up to her at a jog, slightly out of breath. "I'm set. You ready?"
"Where've you been?" she asked, giving him a strange look. "What did you need to do?"
"You'll see," he told her with a grin. "Let's get out of here."
He led and she followed, which in and of itself was an unusual occurrence. When they passed by quarters, headed towards the far end of the ship, she gave him a curious look, but didn't question him. He had never put her in harms way, and he figured she knew that. Finally they came to a closed hatch just past the family quarters.
"What's this?" she asked in confusion.
"I didn't figure you'd know," he told her wryly. "These are the private rooms. Waiting list for them is about six weeks, but I know people who know people."
"Private?"
He shrugged. "Yeah. I figured you might want to get out of the main quarters for tonight. You're off tomorrow, so you can sleep as late as you want, lay around in the quiet, or whatever. We all need solo time on occasion, and I don't think you've had any since the war began."
She gave him an uncertain smile as he ushered her inside the small room, closing the hatch behind them. "There's no lock," he admitted. "But no one should bother you here."
She turned to look at him in confusion. "So, this is like the brig?"
He laughed at her. "Not exactly. Take a look."
She finally took a good look around the room. He watched her eyes widen as she took in the large bed, the table containing a deck of cards and two cigars, a change of clothes, and two of her favorite books. The speed with which her glance flew back to him was almost comical.
"Consider it a vacation," he said softly. "You've earned it."
She looked around the room again, and finally a true smile lit her face. "Nobody coughing in the next bed? Nobody muttering about smoke? Nobody telling me to put the damn cards away so they can get some sleep?"
"Now you're getting it," he said, patting her on the head like a toddler.
She looked around the room a third time, and let out a small laugh. "I won't have a clue what to do with myself. How in hell did you pull this off? I didn't even know this room was here."
He didn't want to go into the way he'd thrown his rank around to manage it. "There are a few of them," he said simply. "There's a waiting list, but they're designed for just this: getting away from the crowd. Most of them have been converted into family rooms, but there are a few singles if you know who to ask."
She had walked away from him, circling the small room and opening the door at the far side. "A bathroom? Nobody watching?"
"And a shower stall," he added with a grin. "But there is a timer on it. Ten minutes, I think, but that's still pretty generous given what we're used to."
"Why?" she finally asked.
She wasn't asking why there was a timer, so he didn't bother to pretend ignorance. He took a deep breath before answering. "I know it hasn't been an easy day for you. I just thought you might want to get away for a while. No strings; I swear. I won't put you on long patrol or loan you out to the kitchen staff. I just." he stopped then, knowing he'd probably said too much.
"You just what?"
It didn't surprise him that she wasn't letting him off the hook. "I haven't seen you smile in a while," he admitted quietly. "I thought it might help if you had something to smile about."
She walked over and sat on the edge of the bed, looking around herself with a touch of wonder. He couldn't blame her. The one thing that the Galactica could not provide was privacy. They slept in a group, showered in a group, and even shared a community bathroom. Granted, there were some modesty curtains or walls thrown in, but the greatest irritation on the Galactica was that you were never alone. Even in a Viper, when it was just you and the space around you, the wireless kept you monitored at all times.
"This is nice," she said softly. "Thanks."
He was glad she liked it, but was more used to sarcastic retorts than grateful words. It made him a little uncomfortable. "I won't say 'anytime', because I couldn't follow through, but I'm glad I could do it."
"I'll probably be climbing the walls in an hour," she admitted.
"So you have cards, cigars, and I found a couple of novels by that mystery writer you used to like. That's actually what took me so long. They belong to Tavers, and he was on duty. It took me forever to track him down."
She tilted her head sideways as she regarded him. "It's been a tough day for you, too," she reminded him. "He was your brother."
"And he died doing what he wanted to do," Lee said softly. "I'm learning to live with that. I thought because I was older, it wasn't my responsibility to keep him safe, but he was an adult. He got into the plane. And he's the one that made the mistakes. I hate that he's gone, and I miss him at the weirdest times, but it's getting easier."
"For me too," she admitted. "That's part of what bothers me. I don't ever want to forget him."
"He won't be forgotten," Lee said gently, taking a seat beside her on the bed. "His body is gone, but he's still a big part of you, and of me. We spent a lot of years with him, and that doesn't go away just because he did."
They sat in silence for a moment more, then Lee stood to leave. "Well," he told her. "I'd better leave you to it."
"Lee?"
There was an odd note in her voice, and when he turned around he saw the same emotion on her face. "Don't go."
If it hadn't been for the vague desperation on her face, he might have brushed the comment off. He took a deep breath and let it out on a sigh. "I think I need to. You're going to take enough flack for dancing with me and leaving with me. If neither of us are in quarters tonight, it'll hit the fan when it leaks that I checked out a private room." He looked at her pointedly, "I don't think you're ready for that kind of hassle."
She looked away for a moment, and then back. "I already have that hassle," she admitted wryly. "I take your orders, run with you, and eat with you. They already think there's something going on."
He walked back towards her with a confused look on his face. "But I've never given the impression.." He trailed off, then continued. "Is that why the crew refuses to speak to me half of the time?"
She shook her head. "They don't trust you," she said simply. "You're one of the new guys, and the Commander's son on top of it. They don't know you well enough to like you, and you haven't exactly given them much to work with."
He lifted an eyebrow. "What do you mean by that?"
She shrugged before answering, as though he should know this already. "You don't play cards with them, you don't ask about their families, and you don't joke around. You don't.," she searched for the word for a bit. "You don't fit."
He looked at the ceiling for a moment, understanding dawning. In his effort to remain professional, to prove that he was good at his job and not just the Commander's son, he had probably alienated every one of the crew members. It didn't matter that it was unintentional. It was done just the same. "I didn't realize," he said, stating the obvious.
"So it won't matter," she reasoned, returning to the discussion that had sparked this. "They already think something's going on, so leaving won't change their minds. Besides, I really don't care what they think of me anyway. I never have. My friends know the truth, and that's what matters. The rest of the crew can go jettison themselves if they have a problem with me."
Lee walked back over to the bed and sat down next to her again. "I'll stay if you'll answer one question," he offered.
"So you're worth bargaining for?" she asked with a smirk.
He ignored her attempt at diversion. "Why didn't you dance? It's more than Zak, isn't it. If I hadn't drug you out there, you wouldn't have set foot on the floor."
"I danced after you left," she told him indignantly. At his raised eyebrow she clarified, "With your dad."
"But no one else?"
She looked him in the eye, making him uncomfortable under the intensity of her gaze. "Nobody asked."
"Why not?"
She looked taken aback, and then finally smiled. "I guess they feared for their lives," she admitted.
"What?" His smile was wide, but curious.
"When I first got here, I was a mess," she told him. "I'd just lost Zak, and I wasn't ready to do anything. A few of the guys asked me out - new meat and all - but I was pretty good at turning them down. A few months after I got here, the CAG we had - not the one you met, but the one before that - anyway, he pushed me until I agreed to have dinner with him."
"Go on," he prompted when she stopped. He was loving this, because he thought he knew what was coming.
"After dinner he made a pass," she said with a shrug. "I broke his jaw."
Lee laughed long and hard. Kara joined in as well, and in a few minutes they were both wiping away tears. "How the hell did you get out of that one?" he asked. "Striking an officer is one thing, but breaking bones is another."
"I agreed not to press charges for harassment if he didn't press them for battery. But not before he told every pilot on the ship what a bitch I was."
Lee sobered at that. "They can't believe that," he reasoned. "Everyone on board respects you. I can see it when they work with you. They know you're the best. You wouldn't have that respect if they thought you were a bitch."
She shrugged one shoulder again; it was becoming habitual. "The crew has turned over since then, and most of those guys are gone. But the word got passed that I wasn't exactly easy. Most everyone stays clear. It works for me, though. I'd rather have their respect and a good game of cards then have them act like idiots around me."
He could understand that. "Okay, fair answer. I'm yours for the night. But if you expect me to stay in dress uniform you're nuts. This thing is miserable."
"I was just thinking the same thing," she admitted, pulling at the collar of her uniform. "Don't worry; I've seen you in your underwear before."
He grinned at that. "At least you won't faint," he suggested.
"Nah," she said with a wink. "You're not too hard on the eyes."
"Thanks."
She shrugged one last time, then cocked her head to the side and gave him a classic "Kara" smile. "I'm gonna get a shower. You want me to save you five minutes?"
"Nope," he told her. "It's all yours."
"Thanks," she said again, and disappeared behind the hatch leading to the bathroom.