Chapter 4: Lessons learned
I looked up, even though I knew my eyes were quickly filling up with tears. Tears I could no longer control. I knew it now; he never really liked me. Today was all just a lie. Just a way for him to get Meilin.
"Sakura?"
"Huh?"
Li motioned for Meilin to get out and she did so. Yet as she walked away, I could see the smug grin she wore. Li slid in the booth with me and put his arm around my shoulder.
"Sakura, what's wrong?" Li asked as he turned my chin so that I looked up at him. Into those eyes....
I wanted to say something, anything. Yet all I could do was look at him.
"I'm beginning to wonder if you were really hungry. You haven't talked for a good half hour and your meal is untouched."
He's so close....
"But then why did you want to go to lunch with me?"
Why did I? It was more a question that anything else. He was about to kiss my trembling lips, but I turned my head away. What did I want? How did I feel? I felt my head turning, wanting to kiss his lips, yet my mind was now screaming at me. You'll get hurt Sakura. Tomorrow you'll run into his arms and he'll push you away. This is just a joke. It always has been.....a single tear slid down my cheek.
I quickly jerked away. Li backed away as well, concern written on his face.
"Sakura...."
"I can't do this."
His eyes got so dark, so uncomprehending, so scared..... sad.....
"I can't do this, Li." I repeated. "This is just a joke. A stupid April fool's joke, alright? Nothing more. It never meant anything and you know that."
My heart was breaking with every word. Oh, how could this hurt so much?
There was a long moment of silence before I heard him slide out of the booth. "You're right." His voice was hard and cold. I looked away from his hurt eyes. Could I have hurt him like that? How? Why would he care? Did he care? Closing my eyes, I immediately held back the oncoming tears.
"We're just friends, nothing's ever going to change that, huh? And this is, after all, just a stupid joke. That's all it ever has been, right?" Li coolly said.
I turned to look at him, expecting to see hurt, sadness on his face. There wasn't the slightest sight of those emotions now. He was like a statue - unloving, uncaring. He didn't care, I was right. He never felt anything for me. It was all just a joke.
Once more I felt tears pooling behind my eyelids. I blinked them back. I blinked them all back. Fine! If he wanted to play nonchalant, I could do that as well. I could be casual about this...if that's how he wants it.
"All right. So then I say we put an end to this joke, huh? I mean, obviously there's no need to even bother with it anymore, is there? Let's go and find those we wanted to fool and tell them 'April Fool's'." Oh how I prayed that my voice sounded sure, unlike what I had felt inside. I couldn't wait for this day to end.
I got out of the booth and stood next to Li. He glanced down at me with those emotionless eyes of his. They sent shivers up my spine. I had no idea anyone's eyes could ever be so cold. I felt as if I was dropped off in the arctic. Taking a deep breath, I blinked away the last of my tears.
We silently walked out of the door, not once looking back. I couldn't wait to find Meilin and tell her this stupid joke was up. Yesterday something told me this was a bad idea but I still went along with it. Why? I can ask myself that all I want and the answer will never be there. I've learned that already. Today there have been a lot of why's; a lot of unanswered questions.
Li slid his hands in his pockets, keeping his eyes on the sidewalk in front of his feet. I just wanted to go home. I didn't want to be near him any longer than I had to be. Right then I wanted to collapse on my bed and cry all night long. Never again would I play an April fool's joke on anyone. Ever. If they can hurt this much, then it's not worth it.
I spotted Madison around the arcade. So did Li. He once more draped his arms over my shoulders, but it was not warm and comforting like before. Now it was cold and harsh - like steel. I was practically choked with my own tears when we reached her happy, greeting face.
"Hey lovebirds!" She exclaims, pulling out her camera. "Come join us!"
I forced a weak smile, as did Li. If she only knew......
"Please don't." I meekly say, lowering her camera with a gesture of my hand. "Not today."
Madison looked confused, yet she obeyed and put the camera away. No way did I want a reminder of today to haunt me for the rest of my life. Although I'd have it in memories, they're a lot easier to put up with than real visual things such as videos. I just wanted to get this over with.
"Wow, who died?" She asked, obviously trying to lighten up the mood.
I slowly walked inside though the automatic doors. Just this morning I was so excided to walk though them. Funny how things can change. Now I was dreading the moment when this joke would be revealed to everyone. I just didn't want to see Meilin's face, most likely laughing at me.
"So how was your first day as a couple?" Eriol asked curiously from the table.
I wryly smiled as I slid into the booth, Li following my lead. I looked up at him, hoping he'd be the one to give the joke out. He was looking down at the table, saying nothing. No, I needed him to tell them, not me! I couldn't!
I was saved for a few more moments by Meilin speaking up. " Yeah, we were really surprised this morning."
Eriol nodded. "Who'd ever thought you two would end up as a couple."
Madison smiled at me. I must have looked horrible. Yet she, being my best friend, looked past my expression and sadness, and into my heart. "So how did it go? Did you have fun? Was it everything you expected?" She asked.
Yes, I did have fun and it was everything I expected. I used to always wonder what it would be like if Li and I were more than friends. Even if it weren't for real reasons, I was glad I got to find out. I remembered the first time he kissed me. It was all out of the blue, yet it was when no one was around. I could still feel it on my lips. It was so sweet and....well perfect. I guess that's it then. My eyes looked over at Li's. They were so sad.....I've made them like that. It was me who had to overanalyze everything and assume he ever liked me as more than a friend. It was my fault. Now thanks to my big mouth, I've ruined this April fool's day. Oh, Meilin would definitely love this; I could already see her.
Even though Li and I were sitting at the same booth, there was great distance between us. Unlike this morning, he no longer looked happy. He no longer wanted me in his arms. My held back tears were beginning to shine through. Covering my face with my hand and turning away, I finally spoke," April fool's everyone! This has been a joke....and none of today was real....." I had no idea how much pain saying that would bring, until just then.
[ A/N -
I hope you guys like this fic, I'm having a lot of fun writing it! =^_^=
So leave a review plz!!!
~Angel~
I looked up, even though I knew my eyes were quickly filling up with tears. Tears I could no longer control. I knew it now; he never really liked me. Today was all just a lie. Just a way for him to get Meilin.
"Sakura?"
"Huh?"
Li motioned for Meilin to get out and she did so. Yet as she walked away, I could see the smug grin she wore. Li slid in the booth with me and put his arm around my shoulder.
"Sakura, what's wrong?" Li asked as he turned my chin so that I looked up at him. Into those eyes....
I wanted to say something, anything. Yet all I could do was look at him.
"I'm beginning to wonder if you were really hungry. You haven't talked for a good half hour and your meal is untouched."
He's so close....
"But then why did you want to go to lunch with me?"
Why did I? It was more a question that anything else. He was about to kiss my trembling lips, but I turned my head away. What did I want? How did I feel? I felt my head turning, wanting to kiss his lips, yet my mind was now screaming at me. You'll get hurt Sakura. Tomorrow you'll run into his arms and he'll push you away. This is just a joke. It always has been.....a single tear slid down my cheek.
I quickly jerked away. Li backed away as well, concern written on his face.
"Sakura...."
"I can't do this."
His eyes got so dark, so uncomprehending, so scared..... sad.....
"I can't do this, Li." I repeated. "This is just a joke. A stupid April fool's joke, alright? Nothing more. It never meant anything and you know that."
My heart was breaking with every word. Oh, how could this hurt so much?
There was a long moment of silence before I heard him slide out of the booth. "You're right." His voice was hard and cold. I looked away from his hurt eyes. Could I have hurt him like that? How? Why would he care? Did he care? Closing my eyes, I immediately held back the oncoming tears.
"We're just friends, nothing's ever going to change that, huh? And this is, after all, just a stupid joke. That's all it ever has been, right?" Li coolly said.
I turned to look at him, expecting to see hurt, sadness on his face. There wasn't the slightest sight of those emotions now. He was like a statue - unloving, uncaring. He didn't care, I was right. He never felt anything for me. It was all just a joke.
Once more I felt tears pooling behind my eyelids. I blinked them back. I blinked them all back. Fine! If he wanted to play nonchalant, I could do that as well. I could be casual about this...if that's how he wants it.
"All right. So then I say we put an end to this joke, huh? I mean, obviously there's no need to even bother with it anymore, is there? Let's go and find those we wanted to fool and tell them 'April Fool's'." Oh how I prayed that my voice sounded sure, unlike what I had felt inside. I couldn't wait for this day to end.
I got out of the booth and stood next to Li. He glanced down at me with those emotionless eyes of his. They sent shivers up my spine. I had no idea anyone's eyes could ever be so cold. I felt as if I was dropped off in the arctic. Taking a deep breath, I blinked away the last of my tears.
We silently walked out of the door, not once looking back. I couldn't wait to find Meilin and tell her this stupid joke was up. Yesterday something told me this was a bad idea but I still went along with it. Why? I can ask myself that all I want and the answer will never be there. I've learned that already. Today there have been a lot of why's; a lot of unanswered questions.
Li slid his hands in his pockets, keeping his eyes on the sidewalk in front of his feet. I just wanted to go home. I didn't want to be near him any longer than I had to be. Right then I wanted to collapse on my bed and cry all night long. Never again would I play an April fool's joke on anyone. Ever. If they can hurt this much, then it's not worth it.
I spotted Madison around the arcade. So did Li. He once more draped his arms over my shoulders, but it was not warm and comforting like before. Now it was cold and harsh - like steel. I was practically choked with my own tears when we reached her happy, greeting face.
"Hey lovebirds!" She exclaims, pulling out her camera. "Come join us!"
I forced a weak smile, as did Li. If she only knew......
"Please don't." I meekly say, lowering her camera with a gesture of my hand. "Not today."
Madison looked confused, yet she obeyed and put the camera away. No way did I want a reminder of today to haunt me for the rest of my life. Although I'd have it in memories, they're a lot easier to put up with than real visual things such as videos. I just wanted to get this over with.
"Wow, who died?" She asked, obviously trying to lighten up the mood.
I slowly walked inside though the automatic doors. Just this morning I was so excided to walk though them. Funny how things can change. Now I was dreading the moment when this joke would be revealed to everyone. I just didn't want to see Meilin's face, most likely laughing at me.
"So how was your first day as a couple?" Eriol asked curiously from the table.
I wryly smiled as I slid into the booth, Li following my lead. I looked up at him, hoping he'd be the one to give the joke out. He was looking down at the table, saying nothing. No, I needed him to tell them, not me! I couldn't!
I was saved for a few more moments by Meilin speaking up. " Yeah, we were really surprised this morning."
Eriol nodded. "Who'd ever thought you two would end up as a couple."
Madison smiled at me. I must have looked horrible. Yet she, being my best friend, looked past my expression and sadness, and into my heart. "So how did it go? Did you have fun? Was it everything you expected?" She asked.
Yes, I did have fun and it was everything I expected. I used to always wonder what it would be like if Li and I were more than friends. Even if it weren't for real reasons, I was glad I got to find out. I remembered the first time he kissed me. It was all out of the blue, yet it was when no one was around. I could still feel it on my lips. It was so sweet and....well perfect. I guess that's it then. My eyes looked over at Li's. They were so sad.....I've made them like that. It was me who had to overanalyze everything and assume he ever liked me as more than a friend. It was my fault. Now thanks to my big mouth, I've ruined this April fool's day. Oh, Meilin would definitely love this; I could already see her.
Even though Li and I were sitting at the same booth, there was great distance between us. Unlike this morning, he no longer looked happy. He no longer wanted me in his arms. My held back tears were beginning to shine through. Covering my face with my hand and turning away, I finally spoke," April fool's everyone! This has been a joke....and none of today was real....." I had no idea how much pain saying that would bring, until just then.
[ A/N -
I hope you guys like this fic, I'm having a lot of fun writing it! =^_^=
So leave a review plz!!!
~Angel~