CHAPTER 13: LIFE ISN'T JUST PAIN
It was as if something unpleasant, something that had been holding him prisoner for years, was now evaporating. The ball and chain, the bonds holding him in the miserable state of constant pain were now lessening and melting away as the throb in his leg, the dull throb that he was experiencing for more than fifteen years, was being alleviated.
House let himself enjoy this. Not a sensation, but just the absence of pain. Damn, Richardson has done really good work, he thought. There had passed some minutes and the pain was getting lower and lower. The room was silent, totally silent. The pain lessened. The throb was getting even less noticeable. The metaphorical knife, plunged into his leg and constantly being twisted for all this time, was finally being pulled out, the conflagration that seemed to engulf his limb was being extinguished.
In his mind, all his attempts to get rid of the pain replayed. The Vicodin overdoses, the ketamine, the methadone, those times when he'd cut himself attempting to escape the excruciating agony, all those he relived as he felt the pain, the old friend and enemy, the undesirable companion striding alongside him for virtually an eternity, finally backing down, going away, banished.
One quarter of the hour, Richardson had said. He glanced at his watch. The quarter was passing. Every passing second made the pain retreat more and more. What for so long seemed to be just a dream, a piece of wishful thinking, a figment of his will and desire, was now materializing.
Life is pain, those were his own words. His life had been pain, even before the damn infarction. After the infarction, there was nothing else, just a dark reality of pain and whatever small specks of light he could steal and illuminate that reality, specks like his most cherished moments with Wilson, his few happy moments with Cuddy, to which his marriage came to be added later.
He could feel the pain level dropping more and more, as the quarter of the hour neared its end. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath as he relished the feeling again. It felt like a fairy tale, as if the good fairy had touched his aching thigh with her wand and taken the pain away. Already, the level was as low as it was after he'd begun the methadone treatment. Could it be that this time it was really going to work? He could only hope, only wish, and trust in the other doctor's reputation and medical judgment. He sighed again.
The quarter was almost over. The medication's effect could now be felt to the full. The pain was so low it wasn't felt anymore. House opened his eyes and took a deep breath. It wasn't a dream, it was reality. He was in Richardson's office, it was day, his wife was sitting next to him, anxiously observing his features. And the pain had left. He took Dominika's hand in his and whispered, his voice barely audible, "The pain... It's gone... Totally... For real", while tears, genuine and unrestrained tears of joy trickled down his scruffy cheeks.
It was mere words, puffs of hot air leaving his mouth, but they had such a profound impact on her. No, it was more than words. Dominika could see his face, his expression. He obviously had a hard time believing, understanding that he wasn't in pain anymore. His expression betrayed trepidation, yet a feeling of blissfulness. Tears were moistening his cheeks, but they were tears of joy, she knew from the first moment. She kissed those tears away. She was feeling so happy, so content, so glad. Transfixed, she stared at her husband's face, getting totally surprised when he abruptly rose from his chair, grabbed her and pulled her in for a deep kiss.
"That was... intense", Dominika mused just after he'd released her. "That was a thanks", he corrected her, in a mischievous tone. "Thanks for what? I didn't make medicine that made you feel better", she stated the obvious. "Thanks for everything. Thanks for being here", he answered, showering her neck with light kisses. "Mmm, stop, I'm hearing footsteps", she whispered.
Indeed, it was Richardson who was going back to his office. "Still there, you two, eh? Well, was I right when I told you I had a surprise in store?", the pain specialist beamed. "My leg feels brand new. Good job", House stated matter-of-factly. "On top of that, you ain't getting tumors or anything and your brain can function fully. So, long story short, in a week, you come back and I inject you again. In the meantime, be sure to actually use that leg, within the boundaries of reason, of course", Richardson said and sat behind this desk.
"Of course", House concurred and then turned to leave, saying, "Bye, Richardson. See you next week". "And thanks for everything", Dominika interjected. "No thanks needed, I'm just doing my job. And solving some riddles", the pain specialist responded, before burying his head in his paperwork.
Mere moments later, House and Dominika were out of the other doctor's office. "How does it feel, you know, walking normally?", she asked him. "I'm not walking normally yet, but at least I'm not in pain. To answer your question, it's like walking in a dream", he responded. "It's nice like dream, but, thankfully, it's reality", she said.
"Damn, it's as if you are happier than me to see my pain gone", he remarked playfully. "I can't describe how happy I am", she replied. "It shows on your face. People like you, tender-hearted little wives, I mean, have some difficulty hiding their feelings. Almost as much as with the articles", he quipped, making her laugh.
"I must really go home now, though", she stated, adding, "I have a lot of chores unfinished". "No, you're not. We're both taking a day off. After all, Cooper hasn't given me a case, so I don't have to apologize for leaving early", he announced. "What are we waiting for, then?", she asked rhetorically. "Just one more thing. Don't tell anyone about the new treatment I began today. I'm the one spilling the beans when I see fit", he declared, subsequently leaning towards her and whispering to her ear, "Let's play it with them a bit".
Some minutes afterwards, they were out of the hospital and into his car. "Where are we going?", she asked him as soon as he'd started the car. "To the funfair we were heading for just before my mom collapsed", House answered, adding, "this time I have no other motives. Just looking forward to enjoy some time with you, free from pain". "I didn't say you had other motives", she reminded him, to which he nodded.
They had a nice quick lunch and then spent the afternoon in the funfair, totally absorbed in each other, seemingly oblivious to the glances they were getting from the others. Both of them lost track of the passage of time, remembering that they had to drive back home only after sunset. But, even then, House insisted on dining out, so they ended up in a restaurant, Dominika's protest that she wasn't appropriately attired for the evening notwithstanding.
It was almost midnight when House parked the car. He left his cane in the designated spot and said, half to himself, half to his wife, "Let's see if I can go far without Little Greg". To his pleasant surprise, he found out he didn't need the cane. Some steps away from the door, he seemed to falter, prompting Dominika to ask him, "Need some support?", proffering her arm.
Instead, he scooped her up, not paying attention to her squeal, opened the door and stepped in the house, still carrying her. "Ooh, you're sweeping me off my feet literally?", she said with a chuckle, as he laid her down on the couch, going to close the door and returning to her in some moments, attacking her lips with kiss after kiss after kiss, to which she reciprocated with eagerness.
Morning found them in bed, asleep in each other's arms, until his alarm clock awoke them. "Now, that's what I call a good wake-up", House quipped, his first sight of the day being his wife opening her own eyes, her head still nestled on his shoulder. "Good morning to you, too", she responded with a slight giggle. "It's definitely a good one", he concurred, rapidly getting out of bed and getting dressed. "I think I'll go for some running. You know, I used to be a very sporty guy before the infarction", he informed her.
Dominika offered to help him, but he reassured her, "I'm gonna be perfectly fine. Besides, Richardson said I need to exercise that muscle in my thigh. Let's follow doc's orders".
Some running, he'd said. He appeared back in his home after three quarters, looking radiant, but all sweaty. "You stink", she remarked, offering to prepare him a nice, warm bath. He lingered there for long, feeling the therapeutic effects of the warm water on his leg.
Morning was starting to give way to noon when he finally left for the hospital. Before leaving, he reminded Dominika about the upcoming dinner with his mother and Mr. Bell.
The day in the hospital flowed rather smoothly. Cooper had given them another case and House couldn't help but notice that Chase was becoming more and more effective and quick-thinking. And Masters was also becoming bolder and more confident.
At the end of the day, another big and positive surprise was that, despite his fears and self-doubt, not being in pain didn't hamper his ability to do his job. Instead, he could focus even more on the case he was handling. He was still using the cane and faking a limp around the hospital, partly for the sake of playing it a bit with his colleagues, partly for maintaining the persona he'd built all those years.
He left the hospital a bit earlier than the usual time, heading for home to dress appropriately for the occasion. Although he'd never admit it, he wanted to look decent for his mother, since he always cared for her approval. He was feeling much awkward because of his behaviour towards Thomas and how he'd convinced the man that they were, in fact, father and son. House sighed as he remembered that moment, but shrugged it off, or at least tried to.
Blythe and Thomas were positively surprised when House showed up on time at their hotel. He drove them to a fancy restaurant, where they soon settled, Blythe having completely recovered from her recent ordeal.
For a while they chatted about general things, avoiding the elephant in the room, until finally, seemingly out of nowhere, "So, you're not my son. Blythe told me everything. This doesn't change anything between us, lad". "It doesn't matter. After all, we are responsible for who we are, no matter whose sperm and egg made us. On the other hand, it's a pity. Your talk about God I can't put up with, but the rest is just fine", House replied, then turned to his mother, "I'm very happy to see you are all fine, mom". "And I'm so happy to see you leading a normal life and have found love", Blythe responded.
"He hasn't told you other piece of news", Dominika piped in. "What news?", Blythe enquired. "I planned on revealing it after we'd finished eating, but, fine, I'm gonna oblige my little wife. My pain specialist conjured up a compound that takes the pain away", he answered in all honesty. "Thank God!", Thomas exclaimed and House cast a look on him, exclaiming in mock exasperation, "Here we go again".
After dinner, he took them to another place, this time for dancing. During the drive, he remained silent, apparently wanting to surprise them. "I figured it's the best exercise after this ample dinner we just enjoyed", he explained upon arriving.
At the very moment he was closing the car door, having stepped out last, his phone rang. A call from Wilson! "So, you remember that I'm still out there", he remarked humorously. "Very funny, House. I would have called you earlier, but I've finally made my decision. I'm coming to join you there", the oncologist said. "Cool. And I thought it was me who had the breaking news", the diagnostician replied. "What kind of news?", Wilson enquired. "Mundane stuff. Or not. Depends. If you count the fact that my mom is fine now and that my leg has stopped killing me as mundane, then it is. Otherwise, it's not", House quipped. "Wow!", was all Wilson could reply.
"Wait 'till you see me running", House further remarked, and then asked, "What happened with the nurses' strike?". "The Board finally bowed down. It didn't go well for Foreman, though. Cuddy used the lack of funds as an excuse to shut Diagnostics down. If anything, this accelerated my decision to quit", Wilson explained. "Things must be pretty rough there", the diagnostician mused. "Yes, but I'm more interested in your news", Wilson tried to steer the conversation. "We'll have plenty of time to update each other. And a couple of monster truck rallies to attend. For now, I must hang up. There are two ladies requiring my attention", House stated playfully, subsequently clarifying, "My mother and my wife, don't freak out".
Soon, the call was over. They walked in the venue, while the orchestra was playing an 80s song, which was ending. "Well, we gotta wait for the next one", House told Dominika. Indeed, the next one began in a few seconds. "Ooh, my fave tune!", Dominika practically squealed, as the first notes of "Every Heartbeat" were heard. She practically dragged House to the dancefloor and they began swaying to the tune.
Blythe and Thomas watched them, pride and joy etched on their faces. Thomas took Blythe's hand in his and asked, "Can I have the next dance?". "As if you need to ask, Thomas", she answered, then pointed towards Greg and said, "Now, at last, I can feel well, seeing him happy", to which Bell nodded.
When the song was over, House and Dominika walked back to the table. "You know, tonight I fathom how wrong I've been in one of my maxims. Life is pain, I used to say. I wasn't totally wrong, but wasn't right, either. And, I'm really glad I was wrong", he declared. Life isn't just pain, he thought, taking a deep breath and letting himself get immersed in the feeling of happiness.