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Nelly had only closed her eyes for ten minutes before Lipton woke her up. Only five hours had gone by since they lost Hoobler at 0300 hours on January the 3rd, and things had to carry on – a war was on and they were still stuck in the woods. Giving her eyes a rub, Nelly grabbed a hold of her rifle and moved away from Jackson, who was still sleeping. Lipton took a hold of Nelly's arm and pulled her out of the foxhole.
"We're supposed to get hot food". Lipton said to Nelly. "But the truck isn't here".
Rubbing her forehead, Nelly tried to get rid of the groggy feeling. "Okay". She said, "So…we are looking for the truck?"
"Yeah". Lipton said, "I thought we could do it together".
And thinking of food, Nelly remembered her last hot meal was Christmas Day. But even then, it was just one meal. Shouldering her rifle, she unfastened her belt and tugged it further up – to a hole right at the end. Securing the belt, Nelly then began walking beside Lipton toward the road at the rear. They were heading back the way they came from – only, they skipped the woods and climbed up a slope and onto a road. Nelly had never been so grateful to see a road before. Being stuck inside a forest was giving her a bit of cabin fever.
Nelly was dropping weight – they all were but she struggled to put weight on after Holland. It was a little concerning the amount of weight she had dropped since Holland. But she wore a lot of baggy clothes, it wasn't noticeable. Minding the black ice, Nelly stepped over a patch.
"Did I tell you, my family comes from Scotland?" Lipton asked.
Mildly surprised, Nelly shook her head.
Lipton smiled. "Well, my great-grandparents were Scottish". He said, "And my dad's actual name was Clifton Carlwood Lupton".
"Really?" Nelly sounded intrigued.
"People would mistake him for Lipton all the time – so, he changed it. And he changed his first and middle name too. I'm not sure why". Lipton said, "But I'm glad he did".
Nelly was also aware Lipton used the word "was" instead of "is".
Lipton said to her softly, "I was ten when I lost my dad". He looked down at her – Nelly's eyes were glued to the road. "Same age as you, when you lost right mom, right?"
"And…my brother…Jimmy". Nelly whispered.
"My dad died in a car accident". He said, "My mom was…hurt bad. She can't walk no more".
Sighing quietly, Nelly stared up at Lipton. "I'm sorry".
Smiling small, Lipton's hand fell on her shoulder. "I'm sorry too, buddy".
"You know…Hoob and Joe lost their dads too".
"I know". He said quietly.
"It's like…we all lost someone before…this".
Lipton sent her a soft but sad smile. "Seems that way, huh?"
Thinking of loss, Nelly was painfully reminded of Hughes as well and that lie, she told him – just hours away from his death. Eyes staring down at the snowy and frozen road, Nelly's hands went inside her jacket pockets. She never did get that coat from Babe – Nelly gave it to Hughes instead and she didn't want it back. Her empty belly panged with hunger, and she curled in on herself for a moment. Nelly stopped walking. Lipton stopped and set his hand on the girl's back.
"You okay?"
"Yeah just…my stomach hurts a bit". Nelly admitted to him quietly. "Sorry".
Lipton frowned at the apology. "It's okay, buddy". He said to her softly. "We're almost there".
Staying slightly hunched over, they resumed walking. "You know…when…when they die…they look…so peaceful". Nelly whispered.
Lipton's arm went around her shoulders. "They do, huh?" He murmured softly.
One mile along the road and they soon discovered the remains on the food truck. It must have hit a mime because the truck's remains were scattered across the road – as well as the men who were inside the truck. No hot food. No meal. Nothing. Nelly's lips pressed together tightly, while Lipton investigated the damage with a sigh.
"Jesus…". He whispered.
It was like a punch in the chest and the gut. Eyes looking off to the side, Nelly felt her shoulders drop in defeat. It almost reminded her of the evening in Mauthausen, when the Kapo tipped the barrel of soup over onto the ground. Starved men mopped the soup off the ground, and she could only watch – shocked and broken.
"God…this is 'gonna kill the mood tenfold". Lipton said – mostly to himself.
It was going from worse to worse.
1985 – she told herself. 1985.
Turning to face the girl, Lipton frowned. He could see she was trying to keep it together. And he thought Nelly was doing a damn good job keeping it all together. Stepping over chunks of metal, Lipton reached Nelly and clapped her shoulder gently. "Come on, buddy…let's get back to the fellas".
She wanted to scream at how unfair their life was right now. And inside, she was screaming. So loud. But outside, Nelly tried not to let it show. She tried her best to picture the future – a place where no one suffered, where they were warm and fed. Like Jean's home in Aldbourne. Or the Barnes's sitting room. Or the bedroom in Speirs's house. She felt this sudden need for her older cousin. Or next to Winters inside his foxhole. But she had Lipton. And Lipton was great too.
Nelly gave the 1st Sergeant a faint nod.
Turning away from the destroyed food truck, they headed back to the line.
Of course, the men were gutted to hear the news of the truck. And even more, news was shared – Peacock won a thirty-day furlough back to the States. It couldn't have happened at a worse time. However, Nelly never did like Peacock. So, she was glad he got picked instead of Buck or another good Officer in Easy. Foley took over 1st Platoon – he was a much better Officer, and the men liked him. Nelly relayed the news to Babe and Ed Joint.
"So, we got no food". Babe began to list, "Joe's at the aid station, we lost two buddies, Dike ain't around and Peacock's going home…what kind of fucked up movie is God putting us through?"
Nelly's eyes closed for a moment. She opened them and said in a tired voice, "I know".
Ed mumbled to Nelly, "I thought you didn't believe in God".
"Does it…matter?"
"Guess not". He said quietly.
Nelly told them, "We're going back to our original positions this afternoon…some of 1st Platoon are staying back here with Dog Company". She said, "We're still getting…bullets thrown at us in this position. A shell hit the road a couple of hours ago".
"Alright, Bricks". Babe said – lightly but tiredly.
Rising to her feet, Nelly said to them softly, "Okay".
With her back turned to Babe and Ed, Nelly rubbed her heavy and exhausted eyes. She needed to sleep. And she needed to eat something – they all did. Nelly ran out of rations two days ago – she hadn't eaten for two days. A lot of men had run out of rations now. But they rarely ever did complain.
"Hey, Nelly".
Looking over to her left, Nelly gave Cobb a tiny nod. "Hello, Roy".
Walking behind her, Cobb made his way back to his foxhole and Nelly continued to walk the line. Cobb was like Nelly; he had seen combat before joining Easy Company. There was this silent feeling of respect toward each other. Because despite having already been into combat, they both did it all over again – knowing the consequences. And the same went for Jackson, he had already served in the Pacific before joining Easy. Cobb and Jackson didn't have to do it all over again, but Nelly didn't have a choice.
Finding a quiet spot, Nelly leaned against a tree and slumped into the snow. She just needed a moment alone to think and gather her thoughts. Her mind felt all over the place – lost in a sea of grief, and desperation but also determination. In the space of twelve hours, she lost two friends. And then they lost their foot truck – their only chance of a hot meal. But her mind felt stubborn – too stubborn to give up and give in to thoughts of grief and brokenness.
Nelly thought, she should have been a smoker – smoking made it look easy. Smoking kept a man distracted. But she was sure either Speirs, Winters or even Toye, would kill her. Nelly thought of Hoobler, and the time he gave her a cigarette – her first cigarette. She drew her legs up toward her chest and wrapped her arms around them. Her head turned away from their line and to the trees.
So lost in thought, Nelly didn't hear the sound of boots crunching against the snow. But she did see the shadow of someone crouching next to her. Nelly's head turned to see the man. And her eyes softly widened. It was Toye – he was back already. She broke eye contact with her Sergeant and looked off to the trees again. She felt as though she had let him down because they lost Hughes – and Toye could sense that from Nelly.
Toye placed his hand on her shoulder.
"Come on, kid". He said softly, "How the fuck could I be mad at you, huh?"
Giving her head a tiny shake, Nelly whispered, "I let…you down".
"You've never let me down – not ever". Toye promised her. "You've only ever made me proud, kid".
Nelly's eyes closed. She could feel a tearful lump form in her throat. Her chest wanted to explode again and each time it did, it got a little harder to control.
"Do you remember when Punchy told me, you were in my squad?" Toye said to her lightly, "And I was yelling and saying that I didn't 'wanna babysit a kid?"
Nelly faintly nodded. She remembered that day well – how could she ever forget? She met Alex and her friends that day for the first time. And she remembered Toye's reluctance.
"I'll admit, sometimes I've had to take care of you". Toye said, "But that's my job as Sergeant and you know, I like taking care of you, kid". He said, "It was like having a little sister – heck, it's like I've got my own kid sometimes. And it ain't always been easy but you helped me grow. And you helped me become a better Sergeant".
Eyes opening, Nelly looked at Toye. What?
Toye sent her a soft smile. "You taught me patience. And you taught me, sometimes being a hard ass, ain't always the right way to go about things. It's alight to let the fellas get sentimental from time to time. But above all that, you taught me to trust you". Toye said, "And it took me a while to trust you, I ain't 'gonna lie. But even before Normandy, I knew that I could turn to you, to take charge, if anything were to happen to me". Toye squeezed her shoulder, "It's a matter of trust – I trust you, with everything".
A tear rolled down Nelly's cheek at his words.
Smiling sadly, Toye's arm went around her shoulders, and he pulled Nelly into his side.
She was lost for words. Nelly wrapped both her arms around his waist. She needed to show him that she appreciated what he had said to her because she couldn't find a word strong enough to tell him so. Nelly held onto him tightly and he held her back – just as tightly.
...
Leaving the advanced position in the late afternoon, were eighteen guys from Easy and half a dozen men from the bazooka team. The light was starting to fade – it got dark so quickly. As they walked back, they had to cross a narrow country lane and it was eerily quiet – the only sound heard, was the crunching of boots pressing into deep snow. And once at their old positions, it was made clear that 1st Battalion had gone through a lot – empty shell cases were scattered everywhere. They couldn't even leave the foxholes to go to the bathroom.
"Someone took a shit in our foxhole!" Toye exclaimed to Nelly. "Can you believe this?!"
Honestly, she could. "Yeah, Joe".
"Dammit!" He yelled, "I've 'gotta toss this shit out – hand me a towel or something, kid".
The best she could do was hand Toye an empty shell case. "You'll have to…scoop it out, Joe".
Toye sighed, "Right". And he got to work. "Make sure the fellas are refortifying their holes, kid – I've got this shit to handle".
It was almost comical. Nelly pursed her lips together to stop them from twitching. Turning away from Toye, she began checking in on their guys. They were all busy, hacking branches off trees and shovelling snow out of their foxholes. The bazooka team were all huddled together – sharing out ammo and smoking. As Nelly was making her way toward Malarkey, Buck suddenly yelled out, "Incoming!"
The Germans started pounding them with their big ones – 170s and 88s. As soon as that first shell hit their line, Nelly was forced down onto her knees. One after another, the shells continued to shake the earth and thunder into the ground. Blinding flashes of white and orange lit up the sky like a fireworks display – the most terrifying fireworks display known to man. It was a lot like Veghel but worse.
For ten seconds, Nelly was stuck.
And then arms went around her, picked Nelly up and carried her into a foxhole. They landed into the hole, Nelly was lying across someone's lap. Her eyes were shut tight, her head buried into the man's chest. Each explosion caused them to slightly bounce up and down. It was a nightmare – a complete nightmare.
The shells were sent to explode upon contact – whether that was the ground or a man. Or a tree. Tree bursts flung shrapnel and knifelike shards of wood in all directions. Pines snapped in half and slammed to the snow with thumps, limbs flying crazily. The ground exploded, dirt shooting up like geysers. Men were running around, desperately looking for cover.
Nelly winced with every shell. Her hands grabbed a hold of the man's jacket desperately and her boots kicked out against the frozen mud and snow. She could feel the rumble in her throat from the groans and whines expelling out below his chest. When she felt arms go around her, Nelly knew it was Malarkey. And he held her steady, frightened she'd get up and run. Because it was tempting to run away – even during a bombardment.
It went on and on.
Eventually, Nelly screamed, "Donnie!"
Malarkey's head ducked down, hoping to reach her ear. "It's okay! It's okay! I'm here!"
Nelly screamed again.
"I know! I know!" Malarkey tried to get his voice heard over the shells. "I'm right here, Nelly! I've got you!"
And then, as if someone and hit a switch – it ended.
The last shell exploded, and the men were left in silence.
Sounds of shells were replaced by the sound of those shelled. Weak cries for a medic were heard in the distance. Malarkey kept his head low and his hand rubbed Nelly's back. "It's over, pal…it's over". He soothed.
And after a few moments of lying still, both Nelly and Malarkey popped over the edge of the foxhole – trying to look out for Buck, for orders. And that's when they both heard a familiar voice in the distance, "Gotta get up…'gotta get up…".
It sounded like Toye, but it could have been anyone.
Directly in front of them, to their left was the bazooka team. They were all dead. Blood, guts and limbs covered the white snow, leaving a stain that would forever remain in their heads. Nelly's face paled, she felt like throwing up but managed to hold it together. When that voice called out again – they were sure it was Toye. And so was Guarnere – he jumped out of his foxhole like the madman he was and went off to find his best friend.
"Get back, Bill!" People were yelling, "Take cover!"
But Guarnere continued to run off.
And Nelly almost did the same because if her Sergeant was hurt, then Nelly had to find him. But Malarkey took hold of her arm, shaking his head. "This is what they want". He said, "They want us out of cover because they might – "
Ka-boom!
Shells hit the line again.
Once more, Nelly was back across Malarkey's lap, face buried below his chest.
Only this time, she was screaming for Joe.