The days just seemed to blend, one into the next, they were nearly identical and quite frankly, if I am being honest, nothing to write home about. That was until today. Erik had left the estate for the day, something that hadn't happened since his weekend in New York. I truly appreciated the alone time, but truthfully, I did miss our voice lessons. I hated that he was right, and I was improving so rapidly now that we were working together every day. Him being controlling was only helpful when it came to prescribing me a diet of limited caffeine, dairy, alcohol and any acidic foods or drinks. The more I listened to him the better I became… as a vocalist at least. I never said he was a horrible teacher, strict and demanding? Absolutely, but the results were undeniable. I could have done without the arrogance; he was right about my voice, but he was wrong about everything else. We did not belong together. We did not belong together because our being together was contingent on him being able to control every aspect of my life, knowing or unknowing. Of course, we would cross that bridge once our arrangement comes to an end, until then I would have to play my part.

I heard my cue, as Erik sang my name announcing his return. I came down the stairs to where I was being summoned, and without any real effort I allowed myself to naturally go to him like the dutiful lady of the house and great him with an embrace that spoke for me. I had missed him and was happy for his return, or so I wanted him to think, "What did I tell you?" Erik proclaimed boastfully, "Safe and happy." I looked at him confused.

When I saw that he wasn't looking at me, his gaze was just above my head, I broke away from our embrace, realizing we were not alone. I had to stifle a gasp when I turned to face my once choir teacher Mr. Kahn standing in my foyer. He had witnessed the scene of my performance that was for Erik and Erik alone. I had hoped my embarrassment came across as someone who had been caught by a parent in a compromising position, for both of their sakes. One of Erik's arms lingered on my hip, in possession, "Are you satisfied, Kahn?"

I did not know how to act in that moment, I was literally caught in a compromising position and not one I wanted to be in. Had I known he was there I could have run into his arms and cried to take me away from here, but then I risked both my life and Mr. Kahn's. I could not end the charade, not now, this was another test, I was sure of it.

"Not even slightly," he said bewildered. He turned to address me, "Miss Daae," he scolded. "People have been concerned for you. They say you attended a graduation party and then you seemed to have vanished off the face of the Earth."

The concern in his voice mixed with confusion and disappointment was almost enough to reduce me to tears of regret and guilt, "And this story of you "going off the grid and backpacking in Europe" perpetuated by your friend Miss Giry?"

My face felt hot, and my hands were beginning to sweat. I had gone through a life where nobody cared where I was most of the time, so in a strange way, this line of questioning about my whereabouts was sweet. "No one has heard from you in months."

"Do not shout at her," Erik stepped forward shielding me physically and emotionally. "I said you could come here and see for yourself that she was fine, and she is. I think it is time for you to leave."

He couldn't leave, not like this, I placed a hand on Erik's shoulder adjusting him to let me be present in front of Mr. Kahn, "Erik, please, it's alright. There is clearly some confusion here that needs to be clarified." He eyed me suspiciously, unnerved at the thought of having no control, "Mr. Kahn, I do not know who you have spoken with in regard to my whereabouts, but I assure you that anyone who needs to know where I am is well aware, including Meg who was just visiting with me not too long ago." I could feel Erik's stare on me, but I would not break my concentration with Mr. Kahn. "The story about backpacking, well it was an idea I threw out there when I was angry about not being accepted to any colleges. Meg didn't intend to lie but after we had gotten into a fight at the graduation party, I didn't tell her the decision I made when I agreed to live here and continue studying with Mr. Destler."

It frightened me how easy it was to lie, but I had to, I needed this opportunity to show Erik that I was trustworthy, that I wouldn't run at my first chance.

"You did not think it imperative to inform your boyfriend of your whereabouts?" Raoul. Of course, I had nearly forgotten that he hadn't cheated on me, and that he would be concerned of what happened to me.

"He is not my boyfriend," the emphasis on the not, got a dark chuckle from the masked man on my left. "We broke up that night at the graduation party. After, I found out that he was cheating on me, I was devastated, humiliated and officially homeless after fighting with Meg, and I can show you the messages of her asking me not to show up to her mother's house, Mr. Destler was the only one I could think of to call."

Mr. Kahn held his hand up to stop me from speaking, letting out a frustrated sigh and pinching the bridge of his nose, "I'm sorry, let me get this straight. You broke up with Mr. De Chagny and got into a fight with Miss Giry, and the only person you could think to call is your voice teacher?"

"I have had enough of this line of questioning," Erik intervened once again. "Again, you asked to see if she was well, and she is confirming as much. What else could you possibly want to know?"

Mr. Kahn looked between us, and it was quite possible that it hadn't sunk in, our proximity, how intimate it was, that it all the sudden was quite clear, "How long has this been going on?"

I could feel Erik's rage coming to a boil, if I didn't know any better, I would assume he would have strangled Mr. Kahn right there and then with zero hesitation. But I was the only thing standing between them and I knew I had to say something, "Please, Mr. Kahn, maybe we should sit down and talk privately."

Mr. Kahn seemed agreeable to this arrangement; however, Erik was not, but it was the only way for Mr. Kahn to believe me, if Erik wasn't standing over me. Mr. Kahn seemed to know his way around the house and showed himself into the library. I grabbed Erik's hand and squeezed it, "Don't worry, I know what I'm doing." His gaze shifted from a murderous stare to that of profound sadness. He hung his head and with that I followed Mr. Kahn to the library.

Closing the door behind me, I was faced with arms crossed and eyebrow tilted. "Do not look at me like that. I do not owe you an explanation for anything, you are not my father." I scolded, and he was taken aback in my change of tone.

"I do not know what Raoul told you and I do not care. I was going through a difficult time and Mr. Destler has been kind to me, kinder to me, in fact, than any of my alleged friends."

He was studying me, his arms crossed once more, "Then tell me, why you are hiding? If everything is so great and normal, how come you do not share this with the world? After all, your generation is quite notorious for posting every life detail on social media. Your phone has been deactivated; it is as if you do not exist."

"I have never been that active on social media, if you look at my past posting it was sporadic at best, and my phone, I didn't want to be reached. I was mad, ok?" this was exhausting, lying was exhausting, "Why are you finding this this hard to believe?"

He took a seat and looked at me carefully, "Because I know him," he said as serious as death. "I know what he is capable of."

"So then why introduce us?" The tables have turned. "If he is dangerous, why did you allow him access to me."

He hung his head, embarrassed, ashamed, but I had to remain firm, even though my own stomach was in knots about what he was going to tell me, "You were just a child, with a gift and I knew he could help you." He said sadly, "I never thought him capable of this." He gestured broadly, but before I could ask him what he was referring to the door swung open. Erik marched right into the room his fury obvious, "This has gone on long enough," his voice boomed. I thought I had seen him angry before, but I was wrong. "Christine, please excuse us," He said angrier than he intended, I must have looked visibly hurt by his tone, that he softened and said, "Dinner will be served soon. I shall join you in a moment."

I gave Mr. Kahn a final look, a look of pity but also a general you should have just left well enough alone. I paused outside the door, and it became abundantly clear that Erik could hear our entire conversation. Well, if he could eavesdrop so could I.

"This is low, even for you, Erik," Mr. Kahn said, standing his ground.

"I am sure I do not know what you mean," his voice dripping with sarcasm. "Low, is contacting me with false concern for Christine. Low, is doing the bidding of some rich entitled Labrador of a boy, because he couldn't face being rejected. Low, is coming into my home and grilling her like she is a common criminal." His voice raised louder and louder.

"Erik, this is wrong, and you know it."

If only I could see what was happening in there. After a pause Mr. Kahn continued, "You have overstepped by having her live here."

"So, I should have left her on the streets? You heard her, Nadir, she had no one else to turn to. She was on the brink of quitting and if it weren't for me, who knows what would have become of her."

"Cut the crap, Erik. You manipulate for a living! You saw this opportunity and you took it, and it wasn't for her benefit."

I silently rooted for Mr. Kahn. Finally, someone was agreeing with me.

"And why exactly wasn't she accepted to any of the schools she applied for? The only reason I turned to you was to help her get into any of those institutions you give money to year and year out."

I felt like a colossal idiot, of course, it made sense, Mr. Kahn knew of Erik's connections and that's why he made the introduction. I felt sick to my stomach. How had all of this gone so horribly wrong? I was meant to be taken care of and instead, like every other aspect of my life, I was totally fucked. I resented the life that was stolen from me, starting with the death of my parents, I was entrusted to people the government gave money to take care of me and they couldn't even do that! Erik was supposed to help me, get me into a school and he couldn't just do it. Why was everyone so inept at their tasks?! And he wonders why I insist on being self-reliant? Everyone is simply out for themselves, and I want no part of it.

"Please," I heard Erik scoff. "You threaten all our intelligences with thinking she would thrive or grow in some liberal arts college. No, what I have accomplished with her voice…" his voice trailed off. I held my breath. "You simply wouldn't understand. I am doing what is best."

"Best for whom?" Mr. Kahn exclaimed. "You don't think I didn't notice how you two are together? You ought to be ashamed of yourself."

"And that is somehow my fault if she holds affection for me?" I could hear the slimy delight in his tone.

"Oh, I don't doubt that she thinks she cares for you. She is an inexperienced young woman who is mistaking your kindness for anything other than what it is."

"I have had enough of this!" he roared. "Your input into my affairs is not welcomed. You asked to see her and now that you have, I must ask you to take your leave."

I heard Mr. Kahn laugh, "Let me guess, you already called Buquet to escort me out."

"DON'T" I heard a loud thud, and then silence. I swore up and down he had murdered Mr. Kahn, until I heard as cold as ice. "Mention that son of a bitch's name to me, again."

I had to get out of the hallway, unless I wanted to be found out. I scurried down the hall leaving whatever remained of their conversation. The dining room had been set, and the candles had been lit, all that was missing was the food and the master of the house. I sat down in my usual spot and contemplated what had set Erik off. Buquet. Why was that name so familiar? It wasn't like I had been introduced to so many people since being here that I could have forgotten, and yet his name was not unknown to me. In any case, I thought I had felt Erik's wrath, but I was wrong, that was most definitely the angriest I had heard him become. My curiosity was eating me alive, and I couldn't very well ask Erik who that was for several reasons. I would have to admit I was eavesdropping, and I would have to pray he wouldn't have such a violent reaction to the mere mention of a name.

The sound of the front door slamming snapped me out of my thoughts, I needed to be present and pleasant for Erik. He entered the room and went directly to the decanter on the rollaway bar, emptying the brown liquid into a crystal glass. Sucking down a glass in one gulp he refilled his glass before taking his seat at the table. He didn't make eye contact, which was troubling, but when I reached out for his hand, he looked at it and then back up to me, "Are you alright?" I asked, tension easing.

Before he could answer, dinner was being wheeled in and my hand was left cold. The silence was uncomfortable, if only I knew what he was thinking, so I knew how to act. I took his continued silence as a cue to try to enjoy the dinner that was placed before me. Long were the days of hamburgers and ice cream. Another part of my training was adhering to a Mediterranean diet that was devoid of too many carbohydrates, honestly anything the kitchen came up with was very delicious, but a girl just wants a pizza every now and again. This didn't seem to be the time to bring that up, so I enjoyed my salmon and salad in peace. I tried hard to ignore the black void that was Erik, he had hardly made any motion to his food instead he sat there, eyes not really focused on anything with just the sound of the liquid sloshing against the ice cube hitting against the glass. It was very disconcerting, but I had to act like the whole thing wasn't bizarre. He would speak to me when he was ready, I was sure of that, the only problem remained that I had no idea what he would say before spoke. I couldn't assume that I had doing nothing to upset him, and yet I knew I had done nothing wrong. Realistically, it must have been everything to do with his conversation with Mr. Kahn, and other than bringing up He Who Shall Not Be Named, I did not know how that conversation ended.

"He wants to take you away from me." He stated finally, devoid of any emotion, his eyes black.

I had gathered that when Mr Kahn wouldn't take my word, how he felt the need to grill me in the other room.

"Well, that's not his decision to make." I said bravely. It was hardly my decision to make, why would anyone else get a say?

The darkness in his chuckle sent shivers down my spine, "No precious, it is not."

I wished I could melt away in that very seat, turn into soup and be flushed down the drain. Was I foolish to believe that I was as good of a liar that I thought I was? I thought I had done everything right, I told Mr. Kahn that I was happy here, unless that was what made Erik suspicious in the first place.

With the lack of conversation, I had finished my meal a lot quicker than I normally would, the same could not be said for Erik, whose plate had not only gone untouched but whose glass had been emptied and refilled to the point where I could not tell how many times it had been replaced. I made no attempt to move, not knowing where I stood with him, so I sat there, trying my best not to look how I felt. I'm unaware of what made him acknowledge the situation at hand, but he broke free of his inward spiral and said, devoid of emotion, "I apologize, I'm afraid that I am not terribly good company this evening. You may be excused."

Yet another dismissal, but this one I welcomed greatly. I offered a sad smile, which was not acknowledged, and with that I left. He was like a blackhole, sucking all the energy out of the room. I needed air. I nearly flung myself over the banister on the verandah, I silently cursed Mr. Kahn for ruining what I thought would be a perfect evening to get closer to Erik, and I cursed Erik for rescinding back, for not trusting me to share his mind. Even if the conversation over dinner was shit talking Mr. Kahn, it would at least have been something, but no, I had to sit there in silence while my anxiety ate at me, listening to the sound of my own chewing. It was moments like this where I could use something to take the edge off, and I dare not ask if I could help myself to a glass of wine, I could hardly imagine the consequences of being caught with my weed pen. That was something I had to save for before bed, which did me no good since the sun hadn't even set. The only thing I could think of to do was to take myself on a walk of the property. At least then maybe the anxiety would be exercised from my body.

With no destination in mind, I set off to explore the parts of the property I haven't seen before, being mindful to be able to see and to be seen by the house, which wasn't hard to do since everything was downhill. I didn't want Erik to think I was trying to escape, if he bothered to look for me at all. I hated that we were wasting any time, and I wasn't feeling desperate enough to initiate any firsts just yet, so we were at a standstill. I had planned for our first kiss to be truly romantic, at least for him, and at a time where he wouldn't be suspicious of it. These things had to appear natural after all. Embracing him when he came and went was new for us, and he seemed pleased with that progression. We shared some hand holding, or I would take his arm when he offered, but those things didn't seem as precious or as intimate as kissing. Even when he would find excuses to touch the small of my back, either to move me aside from where he wanted access to or to lead me somewhere, I could not deny the jolt of something I felt when his hands were on me. He knew what he was doing, he was more seasoned than I at the art of seduction, but I held my own. I would brush up against him or find ways to grab his arm, doing my best not to find myself impressed with the size and hardness. A perverted smile crept on my face at my own description, but it was the truth. It was confusing to be utterly repulsed by someone based on his monstrous actions and yet there was a part of me that could not deny my attraction. I had longed for the situation to be different, if he had simply asked me.

I couldn't dwell on that. I have a boyfriend, had a boyfriend, I wouldn't have cheated on him, at least I don't think I would have. Oh dear, everything is so confused. I need to focus. I need not confess every little thought that crosses my mind.

Erik wasn't lying about all that his property contained. Depending on how much further down I went, or I had turned left or right, the display of all that he owned was mind boggling. I hadn't realized how far up the hill the house had been and I wasn't nearly at the bottom. There were woods even further down which may have been where the property ended, unless of course they belonged to him too. He had walked me through the different gardens on my first tour of the property, my favorite had come to be the Japanese garden. He had called it a Sansui, something to do with the elevation and the pond, which were inhabited by colorful Japanese Carps. There was a sweet little bridge to observe them from. Erik went on and on about the culture and how authentic it all had to be, with the stones, the lanterns and of course the actual plants. It was hard to remain firm in my belief of how pretentious he was when he was just so damn impressive. I questioned why he liked me at all, he could have any woman he wanted, he was attractive, rich, educated, occasionally funny… and yet he keeps me here very much against my will. I come back to this point often, because it simply makes no sense to me. Was it because I didn't want him that made him want me more? Was I simply another beautiful thing he wished to acquire?

I sat down on the bridge, legs dangling off, arms resting on the lower banister, watching the carps swimming in their watery elements, and enjoying the softness of the breeze. Resting on the placid surface of the pond were the lotus, a perfect aid to contemplation. I had learned that Carps can live for up to 50 years. In Japanese culture, they are a symbol of strength and perseverance, something I required. So much for discovering anything new, I thought bitterly, but then again, it would give Erik and I something to do together. He would show me, proudly, everything he had to offer, and he would talk and teach me things, and I would listen, ask an occasional question. He would call me things like my darling, dear or simply adorable and I would have to pretend that he was sweeping me off my feet, all the while cursing him and his condescending ass.

I could feel a presence standing by the bridge, and yet I did not bother looking in his direction. The wood creaked under his weight has he approached me, "I would wager this to be one of your favorite places on the grounds; you come here often." I could feel the hairs on the back of my neck raise. How could he possibly know that? I looked up at his quizzically, he came to sit beside me. He raised his arm and with a point of his finger he addressed something up in the Japanese maple tree, "I have cameras, just there," his finger moved to the opposite direction, "and there. It is important not only for security, but to see that the gardeners are held accountable should anything go amiss."

How didn't I suspect the entire place had been bugged? My mind immediately went to when Meg stayed the weekend with me. Did the videos have audio? Did he see us at the pool when we were…

"Everything alright?" he cocked his head. "You look troubled."

"I didn't think about the possibility of cameras," I must have sounded so stupid to him, "I might have made more educated decision regarding clothing." He didn't seem to understand my meaning, "Or lack thereof…" I expanded, my cheeks reddening, no doubt.

He cleared his throat, "You were undressing in the garden?"

"No!" I exclaimed, "At the pool." Cue Erik running to the house to watch the footage of naked co-eds in his pool.

He assured me that he terminated the use of cameras in the pool area, noting that, above all else, he respected my privacy and felt it an act of goodwill to not have a camera watching as I was scantily clad. When I questioned him, he showed me the app he had on his phone that had the security footage of various locations on the property and further concluded that most of the films were deleted after a certain amount of time. Their purpose was as he stated for security and on the off chance that the gardeners had any mishaps with his beloved grounds. I had begun to feel relieved until he, teasingly mentioned that he had a rather lovely view of the pool from his office. The recollection of his hands on my shoulders on my bikini clad body came across my mind, and I cursed myself for my own betrayal.

"Christine, I must ask you a very pertinent question. It is one that was plaguing me throughout our less than pleasant dinner." I could feel the anxiety in my stomach. I nodded for him to continue. "Why did you lie?"

I had to hold it together, "Lie about what?"

"That story you told, about accepting my offer to come live and study with me." I felt instantly relieved, well sort of. "I am not angry by any means, its only that, upon further reflection bringing Nadir here was a calculated risk. I suppose it was rather arrogant of me to assume that although we have been getting on better, there was no telling how you would react to the possibility of not having to be here any longer. But you lied to him, you told him you chose to be here, and I would like to know why."

I couldn't help but feel flustered, why had I not anticipated this, why was I always not ahead of him? Perhaps I could use this frustration and confusion to my advantage, "I don't know, it was multiple things." He asked me to continue, and I knew I had him. "For one, I never in a million years thought I would see that man again, and then he was scolding me." My voice raised in feigned offense. "All of these accusations!" I shook my head. "At first, I thought if I rewrote history just a bit, it would have reassured Mr. Kahn that everything was fine, because it is fine now, you know?" I caught my breath, before I let myself get heated once more. "But the way he looked at me, as if," I stopped for dramatic effect.

"As if what?" he prodded me to continue. I acted as if I didn't want to say it, "Like I am only interested in what you can do for me."

He then let out the loudest laugh I had ever heard. It was almost unnerving that laugh, he noticed I was taken aback and tried to calm himself, "I am sorry, my dear," he said between laughs, but he couldn't stop.

"What's so funny?" I was genuinely confused. I could tell that he wasn't going to stop laughing any time soon. I moved to stand when I felt his arm on mine.

"Christine, please don't leave," He was finally slowing down his giggling. "You are terribly gorgeous when you're angry, do you know that?" I felt further disgusted but that only seemed to highlight his point.

"Well, I am glad my insecurities are so humorous to you." I huffed.

"That is precisely why I find that accusation absolutely absurd!" His chuckles finally explained.

"To you!" I backfired, feigning hurt. "The optics are not in my favor. What is the one thing you and Raoul have in common?"

"Excellent taste in women," he flashed a toothy grin, I couldn't help but focus on the sharpness of his canine. I slapped his arm playfully, "Be serious, please? Erik, I am afraid of what people will think of me, if I decide to…"

"Are you saying?" His tone was now deadly serious. "That this is the reason you wouldn't consider a relationship with me?"

I nodded my head sadly, "You would deny yourself happiness because of the opinion of others?"

"I can see it now; Christine is only successful because she slept her way to the top."

We sat there in contemplative silence, save the sound of the water below. "What was so funny to me, and what Nadir is well aware of is that in the past I exclusively had relationships with women who only wanted me for my money and my connections." My face must have given away what I was thinking because he continued, "Don't worry, I was not under any delusions that they cared for me in any other capacity than what I could do for them, in fact, I preferred it that way. You see, I was for the longest time focused on myself and my career, love wasn't part of that equation. As it turns out, caring about people is very distracting." I knew he was talking about me, so I offered a girlish giggle. "Do you remember how I had to force you to take money for food when you spent the last of yours buying your foster sister new shoes?"

"If I remember correctly, you said there would be no more lessons if I didn't eat." I should have known then how that man always got his way.

He tsked. "Christine, one of the many reasons I am so taken by you has everything to do with your lack of wanting to, as you so eloquently put it "sleeping your way to the top". Your spirit and determination, it is so admirable," he exhaled deeply. "It reminds me of myself, back in that time when, I had a lot to prove to people."

It was incredible to hear him, finally open, to catch a glimpse of someone who I once held in high regard. I felt a mixture of relief and guilt. I had subconsciously placed him on a pedestal, and in doing so made his fall from grace more so intense. But he was just a person, someone with flaws and trauma, perhaps I had judged him too harshly.

"I wasn't exactly the perfect son my parents had in mind," he said quietly, the sadness was too much to bear. I couldn't believe that once again I had thought nothing of what lay underneath his mask, he had built this persona of himself that the mask became part of the allure and not something that held some deep dark secret. "I know what it is like to have to prove yourself, and I know hard and lonely that can be." He sounded on the verge of tears, mixed with something else. "Please believe me, I know how important it is for you do things on your own, but I can help you, please just let me help you."

"I am trying to accept your help, but at the same time it makes me very uncomfortable." I tried to let him down easy, but he was so hell bent on the issue.

"Don't you think I have my own reservations about being in a relationship with you?"

Clearly not, since he seemed to be so confident about the whole thing. "That I don't have my own insecurities? What do you think they would say about me?"

His voice was raising with each inquisition, and then I remembered Mr. Kahn's accusations that I was not meant to hear. Do you think I want to be in love with an eighteen-year-old girl? "You think being looked at as a using hussy was bad, try being looked at like you're some kind of sexual predator, and get back to me."

I could see his exposed check and neck become red with a mixture of anger and embarrassment, but before I could respond he spat out, "Don't look so surprised, you yourself have had your doubts about me and my intentions." I could hear the labor in his breathing, he was actively trying to calm himself down.

"I didn't mean for it to sound like that, I only meant that I didn't understand why someone like you would love someone like me." My own honesty shocked me as well as him.

"Well, I do, and I hate myself for it," he muttered, I wasn't sure if he intended on me hearing it, but I did. He stood up and started walking back towards the house.

I couldn't help but shake my head. I knew that he wanted to be alone, but I was tired of being cast aside any time he saw no use for me. I followed behind him but didn't say a word the entire duration of the walk. I had fully expected him to say something about my coming along with him, wanting to further reject my presence, but he didn't say anything either. What felt like forever finally came to an end when we entered the house through the kitchen. That's when I saw something that made a lot of sense. The decanter that once had been full, was sitting empty on the island, along with his crystal glass that only contained the remains of a melted ice cube. He was drunk. No wonder he was so, well, all over the place if I was to be frank. He had approached me with the timidness of a child, then the vulnerability of someone who had nothing to lose and then finally the anger of a wounded beast. Sadness swept over me as I watched him snatch the evidence from my view, he absconded back to the dining room. I assumed to seek out more bourbon. I dared not follow him any further and found my way to my own room.

Exhausted, I changed out of my clothes and into a silk pajama set of a camisole and shorts. I took my time doing a full-face routine, taking full advantage of the wide spectrum of skin care that was provided for me. Clean skin, hair tied in a sloppy bun on top of my head and glasses dawned I was ready to curl up and watch some TV before calling it a night. I had wished to spend this evening relating to Erik on a more sober level, but maybe this was a blessing in disguise. He wasn't in the right frame of mind to lie or manipulate me, so all that he said, must have been the truth. Which left me with the guilt of realizing that I had been no better than those women who had used him in the past, because at least he was aware of it, he understood what that was and now he believed me to be someone I wasn't. I can't go through with this plot anymore. What was I thinking? How could I let Meg talk me into getting this man's hopes up only to laugh in his face? The more I thought about it the worse I felt. Yes, he had done some really fucked up things to me, but did that mean I had to return the favor? He was at the very least trying to make up for the hurt he caused me, tried to get us back to before all this madness.

How long could I teeter on the line of friendship and flirtation? At what point would he grow tired of my childish antics of teasing without any follow through? I knew at some point I would have to bite the bullet and give in somewhat, and the thought of that wasn't as despicable as it should be for someone who had so much disdain for the man. But that was just it, I didn't hate him, I hated what he had done, and I can't find a way to manage that. When someone you really like hurts you like that, it is a betrayal, and I don't know how to wrap my brain around it, let alone forgive it. What was worse was that because of what he shared, all I wanted was to forgive it. That was be the easiest solution, to forgive him, to give into whatever feeling I had for him all this time. Let's face it, I was always attracted to him, I always wanted his approval, and that isn't what a student should feel for a teacher. To hear the ice in his voice when he admitted to hating himself for loving me; I hated that for him. Here we were, two people who shouldn't be, and yet…

The tea kettle shrieked at me to snap out of my endless stream of thoughts. I had managed to make my way to the kitchen and prepare my nightly peppermint tea while my inner monologue took me all over the place. At least I had been productive. The digital clock on the oven informed me that it was only eight thirty, if it had said midnight, I might have been more apt to believe that. I took my tea to the entertainment room to find something to watch. There was something to be said about my comfort level in maneuvering around the house as if it were my own. Moreover, my comfortability of walking around in a step above underwear. I could have reasoned that it was summer, and these were the pajamas provided, but I knew deep down that wasn't the case. If it were, I could have simply sequestered myself in my room, and only wore the sweats that were also provided if I ever needed to leave my room. The truth was I felt good about how I looked, strong, feminine, sexual, and there was something about being discovered like this, catching Erik off guard, that in it of itself made me feel powerful.

An episode of Gilmore Girls played in the background; my mind unable to give it any attention. I couldn't stop replaying our conversation. Erik was upset because Mr. Kahn had shattered his delusion, made him face the reality of our situation. It was something I had spent the last few months trying to do with no avail, but one interaction with an outsider and he became unraveled. He was afraid of being perceived as a sexual predator, a man who liked young girls. I know I had questioned it myself, but something told me that this isn't what this was about. Do you think I want to be in love with an eight-teen year old girl? It played over and over in my mind, and then tonight, well, I do, and I hate myself for it. What was worse than the absolute disgust in his voice each of those times, was that I believed him. I believed that he didn't want this to be the case, but it is, and he had done so much craziness that, it would either end in him doing the right thing or what he believed what was happening, me reciprocating his feelings. He asked me why I lied because he had desperately hoped all of what he had done was for something, that I was defending him, despite his actions, I was choosing him. The sadness I felt was the most profound I had ever felt. What he had done to me was terrible, but it wasn't malicious. He had convinced himself this was the only way, he had hoped I wouldn't find out what he did, we would just live in this world that he created for me. A world filled with music and love, I would want for nothing, finally taken care of. It sounded so good and yet it scared and repulsed me. I wondered too how I would feel if he grew a conscious and let me go how I would feel, how I would fair without him. That scared the crap out of me as well. It was times like this I wished I could call Meg, if I told her what happened tonight, maybe she could make sense of it with me. Who I really needed to speak with was Erik himself, but he most likely indisposed from his self-induced intoxication. I feared that he would wake up tomorrow embarrassed by what he divulged me to me; I couldn't stand the idea of going backwards. I wanted to know more about him, how this son of privilege had to scrape and crawl his way to the position he was in now. What was hiding behind that mask?

At long last, I have finally finished this chapter! I thank everyone with their patience but also, I thank those of you who encouraged me to continue.

Stardust twig, you really did manifest this chapter.

ThePhantom'sEnigma: Your posting made me hurry up so thank you for being my motivation.

My loyal reviewers, emeraldphan, LaurenVbellado, and sbollin93 thank you for your continued support.

Let me know what you think! I am eager to see if any of you can predict some of my next moves *evil laugh*. Well, until next time! I promise I won't make you wait that long again.