Hi, so here is another chapter and I hope that you all enjoy. In this fic as I have said Jay goes on working for Intelligence forever. I do not subscribe to...whatever that final episode was for Jay and Hayley because...ugh...Anyway I hope that you enjoy this chapter and a little bit more of details of the Jay and Hank relationship.

Disclaimer-Nothing here is mine.

Please Read and Review.

Also some trigger warnings for the abuse of alcohol.

The flashbacks will jump around a bit, for example anything to do with Camille and cancer will not be revealed until I get to that episode. Just a thought to keep in mind.

Born Under A Bad Sign

Chapter 6-Sick And Evil.

In the present Jay and his obsession over Lennie Rodiger comes to a screeching halt forcing him and Hank into a dark place. Antonio begins to understand the depths of which Jay and Erin's distrust of him run deep and meanwhile in the past Will and Jay struggle to reconnect before the later returns to school for his final exams.

10th September 2014

His first thought when Hank told him was thank God. Thank Fucking God, the monster was dead. In fact a small part of him was determined to ask for proof, to here the story, to see the photos because in that one small moment he honestly couldn't believe that the monster was dead and the nightmare was over and it was all going to be alright. That Ben had finally gotten some justice after all these years.

And then the second was over and he was looking at his foster father and his commander and he just knew what they were asking.

"What you wanna know if I did it?" he asked flatly.

"Did you?"

It was only because the commander had spoken that Jay had not rolled his eyes.

"No" he said finally. "I followed him home and then I went home and watched the Hawks game"

"Anyone with you?"

"No"

"Alright, what time did the game finish?"

And that was the question that he could not answer. It was supposed to be a simple question but he could not answer it. The truth was he didn't know because he had gotten so black out drunk last night he had woken about three and barely made it to his toilet. Jay had to admit that even to him he was thinking he might need to go on a dry spell. It was getting to the point where he was drinking every night.

And not just the one drink kind of thing either.

If the commander understood that he didn't say. If Hank understood it then…well…at some point Jay was sure he would find out.

And that led to him being suspended.

"You think I did it don't you?" he asked after he handed over his badge and gun. The commander perhaps seeing that he needed five fucking minutes to get his head around this had nipped outside probably to tell everyone else what was going on (the prick) but it was just Jay and Voight now and it was literally detective and sergeant in the room not father and son.

"I don't know what to think"

And that didn't just fucking sting it fucking hurt.

Because if he didn't have Hank believing him, Hank who had been the one constant in his life since he was fifteen then what did he have?

And it hurt. Despite the fact that Hank and he fought like cats and dogs sometimes there had always been the comfort of knowing that Hank had his back. That there was someone out there who believed in him. There was an acknowledgement that they had each other's backs. They gave him the good the bad and the ugly and they laid it all on the table because truth mattered. The truth was Jay knew he hadn't killed anyone that night. Because there is no way that he would have done, if he was going to kill Lennie he'd have been stone cold sober so he could remember every last second of watching the bastard die. But it mattered. Because if they didn't put their truth on the table and have some semblance of trust in the other then what was this family that they had?

"Well thanks for that" he said finally. "Cause where I came from, family was supposed to have your back no matter what. But then again…you do have a tendency of getting rid of the ones that come close to wrecking your career"

And with that he turned on his heel and left. He made it to the car before he realised that he was shaking. Cheap shot it might have been but the truth of the matter was that he had wanted to hurt Hank has much as Hank had hurt him in that moment. Hank had…hell Hank was the closest thing to a Dad that he had and suddenly Jay had that itch under his skin—like he was fifteen again and his Dad was coming at him with a beer bottle and all he had was a crappy card that might just be his ticket out of here.

Granted he disagreed with Hank over a lot of things, he wasn't Erin, he didn't have the blind loyalty that she had. The trust that all she had to do was follow him through to the end. His experience was different, his relationship was different. But he had still thought it was enough for Hank to stand by him, believe him, trust him not to commit murder.

Christ didn't he get if Jay had it in him he would have done it years ago?

And with that thought he put his car into reverse and drove away because there was one good thing he could do today before he was sacrificed on a silver platter and that was tell Ben's Mom and Dad that the monster that had taken their son away from them was dead and buried and that like their baby boy he too had been discarded as if he was a piece of trash.

If that was not some form of justice then Jay didn't know what was.

"Well I take it from your expression that went well"

"Kid didn't do it Al"

"Oh I know that" Al said waving aside the fact that Jay had just been suspended with the air that it came to them all at some point. "I know he didn't kill anyone Hank. If the kid was going to do it then he would have done it that night I met him for the first time when his blood was up. You and I both know why he doesn't remember what he was doing last night and we both know why you didn't tell Perry that—"

"Kid was drunk"

"Kid's always been drunk. And he's not a kid anymore" Al said softly. "But you did tell him you believed him didn't you? That he didn't commit a felony even though you'd be hard pressed to find a jury that would convict him when they got a look at what Rodiger did to that boy?"

There was a long pause.

Al with all the experience that a best friend could have sighed.

"What did you do?"

"I just told him I didn't know what to believe"

Christ why did Al have to sound like a prosecutor when he spoke? Didn't they have to deal with them enough during the day without having to deal with them in their spare time?

Didn't he?

"You don't know what to believe. Well Hank Jay either killed him or he didn't"

"I think…I don't know. Jesus Al you think I like questioning the kid? He's my son—as good as—and yet sometimes—"

"If this is because of Justin—"

"It's not."

Al shot him a look that told Hank he didn't believe him in the slightest.

"Do you think he killed the kid Hank?"

"No" he said finally. "But I can't go and say that to him at the moment can I? What I am supposed to say? That I know you were black out drunk last night? You can't talk to him about his drinking God knows after the shit show that the Army put him through I tried and Will has and Erin has but he shrugs it off goes dry for a couple of months and then there is always something that makes him just hit the bottle harder"

Al nodded. There wasn't much choice but too nod after all.

"I'll have a word with him after this case is over" he offered. "See where his head space is at because quite frankly you can't afford to lose any more people who care about you"

There were only a handle of people who could get away with saying that shit to him. Al was one of them. The other person was dead.

It would have been easy for Camille, Hank thought bitterly. While Erin had always been in his corner, on his side, Jay had been totally Camille's boy through and through. If the roles had been reversed they'd have both stuck to each other like glue. He and Jay didn't have that. Their relationship was always complicated by the very living ghost of Pat Halstead and the fact that they were too alike for their own good.

Hank sighed.

Sometimes he realty did wonder why he had ever thought kids (weather biological or fostering) was a good idea.

And yet he knew he wouldn't have it any other way.

Deep down.

Antonio was waiting for Jay.

And then it went downhill from there.

To be honest he wasn't sure what he had been expecting. And if he was being really honest with himself later on when he sunk into the hot bath and felt the water hitting his bruised shoulders, trying to slam an ex-army ranger who had been brought up in an abusive home was really not a good idea because Jay when he saw what was coming all but flattened him into the bonnet of his car without a second's hesitation.

"You done?" Jay asked when Antonio was pretty sure that if he kept struggling his arm would rip out of his socket.

Why did the bastard have to sound board when he did that.

"Yes" Antonio said wincing as Jay let go of his shoulder. "But that doesn't change anything, I took you onto this unit and you—"

"I swear to God Antonio if you say betray I will throw you into the canal myself"

And there was something in Jay Halstead's voice that told Antonio that what he was saying was true in every sense of the word.

"You—"

"The only person who ever betrayed a fellow officer here was you"

Antonio flipped backwards and upper cut him. Voight again.

When he had been asked by Matt Casey to help take down Voight he had tried his best to wriggle out of it as best he could but his sister had been relentless with it. It wasn't that the blame of the entire thing lay at Matt's door but it was hard for firefighters with their own unique code to understand that cops had the same too. It was hard for Gabby who had a sense of right and wrong so strong that it was hard for anyone to focus on anything else when she was in the room.

And when Peter Stone had asked him to dig up dirt he had found Erin. He suspected it was because Erin had wanted to be found and to be honest he had gotten used to Erin's raised eyebrow and curl of the lip whenever he had asked her questions about Voight. He had gotten used to the cold stare and even now he knew the reason they were not partnered together was not for lack of skill but simply because Erin wouldn't do it.

Jay on the other hand…

He had known that Voight had, had two foster kids, he had known that they were both on the job before he had gone looking for Jay. In truth it had been part curiosity part his sister's safety what with the gang trying to shake down her bar. During the Voight trial Jay Halstead had been conveniently off the grid on some special modified assignment and been unable to pick up a cell and JAG and NCIS had been really unhelpful.

The first time he had seen Jay Halstead had been with a bullet in his arm which was good because if Antonio had seen him in Gabby's bed then he was sure that he wouldn't have reacted well.

Even now there was a part of him that wondered weather or not Jay had slept with his sister as some way of getting back at him.

Jay dodged the punch.

Bastard.

"He's dirty" Antonio growled out. "You knew that"

Jay gave another non-committal shrug.

"You didn't get me shit" he said flatly. "I got myself out of the gutter not Voight, yeah he took me in but I was the one who made that first phone call, Voight didn't get me into that unit, I did. So don't pretend like I owe you Jack. In fact you owe me. You know how fast I had to run to stop Erin from planting a kilo in your car?"

Antonio didn't know and to be honest if he was bounced from this unit he knew he was going to struggle to get into another one. And so it was that and that alone that had him shaking his head determined not to think about it.

What was done was done.

"I didn't kill Lennie Rodiger" Jay said as Antonio got to his feet again shakily. "If I had you'd know. Because there wouldn't be a body. I'm trained for shit like that Antonio, I've done it. you think I'd be stupid enough to be that obvious. But I'm not gonna cry over it. Bastard should have fried a long time ago"

That was a point.

"I know you didn't" Antonio said and he did. He might have had his moments of weakness (not like Jin who had been stupid enough to mention it only to get a glare from Erin that would put the average man on his back with a chalk outline around him). "I just…I just..."

He didn't know what else to say so he trailed off feeling like an idiot. There was too much said between them and too much not said. The relationship that Voight had with his foster children, with these foster children was different to anything that Antonio had ever seen. The pendulum swung between Erin who showed her loyalty on her sleeve to Jay who watched Voight wearily but clearly loved him. To be honest looking at the two contrasting policing styles Antonio was honestly not sure how they had lived together and worked together.

Maybe this was the case in point.

"So who do you think did? Ben's Dad?"

Jay shook his head. "I asked him" was all he said. "He…he didn't do it man if he was going to do it he'd have done it years ago, I genuinely don't think that he would have left his wife alone in all of this. It's just the two of them now what with Allie moving away"

Antonio sighed.

"Look" he said raising his hands when Jay sent him a long look. "You me and Erin…we've got to figure out a way we can work together. I know the two of you accredit Voight with the reason you are alive, I get that…I respect that. But…at some point something was going to get him."

Jay didn't say anything for a second.

Then…

"Fucking Justin is what got him"

Antonio didn't know what to do with that. It wasn't strictly true but…

Well…

"Here" he said holding out the file. "It's what Major Case has got. Consider it a peace offering"

Jay took it.

"Thanks" he said shooting Antonio a look that was hard to read—even for a Detective.

"Truce?" he asked as Jay got into his car.

"Truce" Jay said finally. "And if you want to go to the gym sometimes…call me. You could use some help on your footwork"

And he was gone before Antonio could show him just what footwork was.

"Not in the mood Al"

"Jay and here I brought red wine"

Jay sighed. "I…I really am trying Al"

"I know" Al said softly because he did. Kid actually looked sober and in truth enabling him was not something that Al was sure was a good idea but he had been on the crazy train with Voight long enough to know that once you were on it you were on it.

No getting off.

"Get two glasses and tell me what your thinking"

"Thinking?"

"I know Antonio gave you the file Jay"

"Oh"

"Yeah, I didn't earn this gold shield on account of my good looks you know. So…glasses…go"

Jay's version of wine glasses was two chipped mugs with the army logo on it.

Al despaired sometimes he really did. For their tenth wedding anniversary he had bought Meredith really expensive wine glasses that even now he was sure they had only used the once. If his wife could see Jay scoff down merlot in a mug in two gulps she'd be beside herself.

"So?"

"I think…I think it was Rodgier's dad"

Hmm…

"Why?"

"I just…I went to see him"

"Jay—"

"I know I just…there was something there. It was like he…I don't know what it was Al but I swear to God It was different than the last couple of times. He was different. He was…defeated almost."

It was hard for Jay to put it into words but the more Al thought about it the more it made sense. Rodiger Snr had been defending his son for more than a decade. Jay had not made that easier but that kind of dedication came after you believed whole-heartedly without a shadow of a doubt that your child was innocent. Al couldn't really blame the man, he had always took the assumption that Lexie was an angel even when she wasn't (and now she was a virgin angel to boot).

"Hank thinks I did it"

"No he doesn't"

"Yes he does. He thinks I snapped and did it in a fit of drunk rage"

"He…he considered the idea for a second Jay"

"He knows me Al. He…I swear sometimes he knows me more than I know myself and when he looked at me like that I genuinely had to think what if I had—"

"Because you were black out drunk last night?"

"Yes"

"Jay…far be if for me to criticise, especially as I brought wine round but do you think that maybe you might need to slow down a bit? Your Dad's an alcoholic, you were borderline, Hank got you dry but then…and I know what a war can do to a man but you came back and hit the bottle hard and fast. And you've dipped in an out of complete sobriety and complete black out for a long time."

Jay shrugged.

"Only way I know how to do it" he said honestly. "Moderation is not something Halstead's specialise in"

Al said nothing for a long time. He was really not sure what he could say to that. The complexities beyond Jay's family life were something even now he couldn't fathom. He knew Hank and Jay had, had an almighty row before Jay had enlisted and since then, since the accident that had seen Jay come home with his limbs attached though barely, Hank had refused to push it.

Maybe it was time someone did.

But that was a question better posed by someone else.

So they carried on drinking in silence.

The next day Papa Rodiger confessed and Jay was handed back his badge and gun.

"We good?" Hank asked him once.

Jay shot him a long look.

"What do you think?" was all he asked.

19th March 2000

"Your going back"

It wasn't phrased as a question and Will to his credit didn't bullshit him by giving a phony answer.

"Yes"

"You don't want me to come back with you?"

This time it was a question though Jay wasn't sure that he wanted to know the answer to it.

They were sat on the same bridge that Jay had once tried to jump off. It was about midnight he was two hours late past curfew and Will's bag was in the car ready to go.

And he was drinking.

Hank was going to kill him but right now he didn't want to move.

Odd considering the last time that he was here.

"I do" Will said finally. "I just…I don't know if it's a good idea Jay. It didn't work the last time"

Jay conceded the point. Besides, he was not sure if he was going to want to leave the easy thing that was going on between him, Hank, Erin, Justin and Camille. It was one of the better things that he had going in his life.

Actually come to think of it, it was one of the best.

"I was thinking…actually…there was this recruitment guy who turned up at school talking about the army and…"

"Jesus Jay really?"

"I was thinking, I mean it's two years off at most and I don't know but…"

Will clapped a hand on his back. "If it's two years off don't think about It" he said sagely.

Jay sighed. It was impossible to tell the brother that had known from the age of four (so he said) that he was considering his career. But he saw what Hank did and he saw Erin's love of it and he wasn't sure that the brotherhood in blue was for him. And while he had not expected Will's blessing the fact that his brother was shutting him down flat out was irritating at best.

At worse it was fucking hurtful.

They sat on the bridge for a while. Will was off to the Sudan after his exams and it was only as the sun came up a little that they got down. Jay was stiff and cold and he needed to sleep. He and Will had never needed actual words to speak their minds to each other, the hug was just as warm as it had always been but there had always been so much left unsaid between them. So much that he couldn't say or speak or feel or think.

Will was going to be gone and Jay was alone again and this time there was nothing that could be said. Will and he didn't work together when it came to living together, not right now.

Will dropped him off and he slid into the house through the backdoor wiping his eyes furiously.

It wasn't a surprise that Hank was there waiting for him, sometimes Jay thought the man just had an extra sense about this thing.

"You okay?"

"What do you think?" he snarked back though it was ruined by the breaking in his voice. Hank sighed and moved to put the kettle on. His arm came around Jay nonetheless in that easy affectionate way that Jay had still not become used to. But it was becoming easier to lean into it after the initial heartbeat of panic and confusion.

"You've always got us Jay" was all Hank said. "You always have us"

He said it before but for the first time Jay found himself believing him.

What that meant for the future he really couldn't think.

But he thought for the first time in a long time, that it might be good.

Only a couple more chapters left (maybe three?) Until the end of the Season 1 arc. I hope you enjoy in the meantime.

Next Chapter-As a bomb rips through Chicago and a manhunt is launched for the bomber Jay remembers the time when he was eighteen just graduated and desperate to go and fight as memories press deep.