Red base

Mitch runs ahead of Simmons and Grif, she stand in front of Sarge at attention ready for orders. While Grif and Simmons walks quickly.

Mitch "Here Sir"

Sarge "At ease Mitch"

Mitch "Any reason you called us here? Sir"

Sarge "Why yes I do, but unfortunately I have to wait for my other soldiers... Hurry up Ladies, this ain't no ice cream social!"

Simmons "Ice cream social?"

Grif and Simmons look at each other confused, before turning to Sarge.

Sarge "Stop the pillow talking, you two. Anyone want to guess why I gathered you here today?"

Grif "Uh, is it because the war's over and you're sending us home?"

Mitch "How stupid can you be Grif?"

Sarge "That's exactly it, Private. War's over. We won. Turns out you're the big hero and we're gonna hold a parade in your honor. I get to drive the float, and Simmons here IS IN CHARGE OF CONFETTI!"

Grif "I'm no stranger to sarcasm, sir"

Sarge "Goddamn it, Private! Shut your mouth or else I'll have Mitch hold you down, while Simmons silts your throat while you're sleep"

Mitch "Sarge isn't that a bit extreme?"

Simmons "Didn't Grif hide your stuff... mainly your throwing knives"

Mitch "Never mind sir, I'd do it myself happily"

Sarge "I know you would too. Mitch, Simmons your both good men. (brief pause) Couple of things today, ladies. Command has seen fit to increase our ranks here at Blood Gulch Outpost Number One."

Grif "Crap, we're getting a rookie."

Sarge "That's right, dead man. Our new recruit will be here within the week, but today we recieved the first part of our shipment from Command."

Sarge runs towards the hill behind him and stand still, he then going on the radio.

Sarge "Lopez, bring up the vehicle"

A large, armour-plated, jeep-like vehicle comes over the rise with Lopez in the drivers seat, who pulls up along side the reds.

Simmons/Grif "Shotgun"

Grif "Fuck"

Mitch "Dibs on the machine gun"

Simmons/Grif "Shit"

Sarge "My I introduce our new, light reconnaissance vehicle"

Mitch "*Whistle*"

Sarge "It has four inch armor plating, mag bumper suspension, a mounted machine gunner position, and total seating for three. Gentlemen, this is the M12 LRV! I like to call it the Warthog."

Simmons "Why Warthog, sir"

Sarge "Because M12 LRV is too hard to say in conversation son"

Grif "I know, but why Warthog? I mean, it doesn't really look like a pig"

Mitch "Grif are you hungry again?"

Grif "surprisingly not"

Sarge "Hold up say that again."

Grif "I think it looks more like a puma"

Sarge "What in Sam Hell is a puma?"

Mitch "You don't know what a puma is sir?"

Simmons "Uh.. you mean like the shoe company?"

Grif "No, like a Puma. It's a big cat, like a lion"

Sarge "You're making that up"

Mitch "You have got to be kidding me, Sarge a Puma is a real animal"

Grif "I'm telling you, it's a real animal... even Mitch believes me"

Sarge "Mitch, I want you to poison Grif's next meal"

Mitch "Grif has three plates for lunch and four for dinner... it's gonna be difficult"

Sarge "Damn it"

Sarge then points at the Warthog and the tusks underneath the front.

Sarge "Look, see these two tow hooks? They look like tusks, and what kinda animal has tusks?"

Grif "A Walrus"

Sarge "Didn't I just tell you to stop making up animals?!"

Mitch "I am surrounded by idjits"

Cliffs

Tucker "What is that thing?"

Church "I don't know, man. Looks like uh.. looks like they've got some sorta car down there. We'd better get back to base and report it."

Tucker "A car?! How come they get a car?!"

Church "What are you complaining about, Man? We're about to get a tank in the very next drop."

Tucker "You can't pick up chicks in a tank"

Church "Oh, you know what? You could bitch about anything couldn't you? We're going to get a tank, and you're worried about chicks. What chicks are we gonna pick up, man? And secondly, how are you gonna pick up chicks in a car that looks like that?"

Tucker "What kind of car is it?"

Church "I dunno, I've never seen a car like that before. It looks like a... uh... like a big cat of some kind."

Tucker "... What, like a puma?"

Church "yeah, man, there you go"

Red base

Sarge "So unless anybody has anymore mythical creatures to suggest as a name for the new vehicle, we're gonna stick with the Warthog. How about it Grif?"

Grif "No, Sir. No more suggestions"

Sarge "Are you sure? How 'bout Bigfoot?"

Grif "It's okay"

Sarge "Unicorn?"

Grif "no really. Uh, I'm cool"

Sarge "Sasquatch?"

Simmons "Leprechaun?"

Mitch "Diplodocus?"

Grif "Hey he doesn't need any help, Guys!"

Sarge "Phoenix?"

Grif signed in defeat "Christ"

Sarge "Hey Simmons, what's the name of that Mexican Lizard? Eats all the goats."

Simmons "Uh, that'll be the Chupacabra, Sir"

Sarge "Hey Grif, Chupathingy! How about that? I like it. Gonna nice ring to it"