AN: Here we are, the final piece to close up this little moment in their lives.
I hope you enjoy! If you do enjoy, please don't forget to let me know!
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Odo led Lwaxana to Quark's. Along the way, they didn't speak. Lwaxana said a few things—a few words here or there, but Odo found that he couldn't respond to them. Everything he thought, and everything he felt, seemed too heavy. He could do very little more than simply keep his shape and walk with Lwaxana to Quark's.
Quark met them just inside the door. If Odo hadn't known what made him look the way he did, he would have said that Quark looked suspicious. He was clearly confused and questioning, and his smile was insincere.
"We would like to go to the holoprogram that I visited earlier," Odo said. He heard the shortness in his own tone, but also the fatigue.
"The holoprogram?" Quark asked.
"The one that I visited earlier with Major Kira," Odo said. "We would like to go to the program now, Quark."
"It—isn't…ready for visitors," Quark said. He looked at Lwaxana, clearly, and then back at Odo. He was trying to ask Odo questions with his eyes.
"It doesn't matter, Quark," Odo said. "We would like to visit the program now."
"Of course," Quark said. He laughed nervously. "Uh—right this way."
Lwaxana looked at Odo. He was aware that she was trying to ask him a question, but she was not willing to open herself to him, and he was not speaking to her, so they simply moved forward in silence. Quark showed them to a holosuite and programmed in the chosen program.
"Will you be needing…anything?" He asked.
"Not right now," Odo said. "Just—privacy."
Quark nodded and practically scurried away. Odo gently pushed Lwaxana inside the holosuite, helping along any reluctance she might show for moving forward.
Almost immediately, they were in a lush, relaxing environment. The sun was just going down, but it would never actually go down—not unless they requested it. They followed the path that truly felt real, until they reached a clearing where there was a view of the sunset.
"This is…beautiful," Lwaxana said.
"Major Kira and I visited all the programs that Quark recommended," Odo said. "We were looking for the most romantic, but also the most relaxing."
He watched Lwaxana's face. There was pain on her features, but with her mind closed, he had no idea about how the pain might compare with his own.
"I think—you may have found it," Lwaxana said, a smile he didn't believe coming to her lips. She was putting it on. He knew her well enough to know when things were genuine, but maybe she had forgotten that. She half-shrugged a shoulder. "It's lovely, Odo. Very romantic."
"Sit," Odo said, gesturing toward the grassy area in the clearing. There was a blanket there, and she sat on it with a little hesitation. Odo joined her. "It's a nice spot for sitting together." He noticed that they were sitting with more distance between them than they'd ever put between them. Lwaxana almost always sat touching him. Now, she didn't. He didn't press. "I thought the blanket was a nice touch for a picnic. Even though I'm generally not a frequent customer of holosuites, I do understand their common and somewhat expected use. I thought—the blanket could be nice for other things."
Odo watched Lwaxana's face. She didn't look at him. She looked at a spot somewhere near the edge of the blanket. She looked unwell, and he was at least a little glad that she was keeping herself closed off from him. His suffering was enough. He didn't want to feel what she was feeling, too, along with any of her reactions to the little ones she carried.
"Of course—Quark expected a later visit to the holodeck. There would have been food for the picnic, then."
Lwaxana looked at Odo. She wasn't bothering with the fake smile any longer. She looked heavy and heartbroken, and Odo felt much the same way.
"It sounds lovely," she said, her tone of voice reflecting nothing of her words.
"I wanted to bring my love here," Odo said, "for an evening meal." He smiled to himself. "I wanted to feed her from a variety of foods that were carefully selected for a picnic basket—some of them were brought in on a freighter that arrived just yesterday. I thought—we might rest together, after she'd eaten, and perhaps we'd make love. I've never made love in a holosuite before, but I don't think I would have minded the adventure of having the experience together. I wanted it to be perfect, though, and I didn't trust my own judgment, so I asked Major Kira to help me make sure that it was everything I wanted it to be—the most romantic setting available…"
"She chose well," Lwaxana offered.
"Jadzia Dax and Quark chose the contents of the basket that would have been delivered as a special surprise," Odo said. "I thought that I'd even make it more special. Before the evening began, I was going to make a trip to Garak's. I—ordered a dress there, and I needed to pick it up and deliver it—an additional surprise. He was able to use the replicator's specifications with a few tweaks to make something comfortable, yet beautiful. I thought red was a nice color."
"Red's a beautiful color," Lwaxana offered. "The color of…of passion."
Odo smiled at her.
"The color she was wearing the first time I saw her," Odo said. "Or—the first time that I really, truly saw her. The first time that I really allowed her to see me."
Lwaxana's eyes glittered with tears, and she blinked a few out that she couldn't hold back. They rolled down her cheeks, but she didn't bother to wipe them. Perhaps, she couldn't find the strength to do so.
"I want you to be happy, Odo," she said. "It sounds like a…wonderful evening."
"I wanted it to be," Odo said. "I thought—you would nap, since Dr. Crusher has stressed how important frequent rest is for you. I thought I could regenerate a little to hold my cycle off a bit. With the additional energy I draw from love making, I thought I could possibly finish the evening, and if I couldn't—I could puddle, if necessary."
"I'm sure she wouldn't have any problem with that," Lwaxana said. "She'd accept it."
"I know she would," Odo said. "You see, Lwaxana, this was supposed to be the celebration of a year together—give or take a little time. The celebration of our love. A beautiful dress to remind her of how beautiful I think she is…with just a little extra material, sewn in just the right way, so that the dress will have some give in it for when she wishes to wear it and it needs to accommodate a growing belly. A picnic to make up for the one we meant to have when she first told me that the most important part of a picnic was the company. A romantic evening alone, since most of our evenings are spent being parents. Making love because very little brings me more joy and happiness than pleasing her in every way imaginable." Odo shook his head. "It's not much, really, to celebrate the immense happiness she has brought me in a year, teaching me about love, giving me a family, allowing me to see my son come into the world and to watch him grow, and giving her body over, once more, to the stresses and strains of carrying my children and expanding our family."
Odo saw the realization as it slowly crept over Lwaxana's features.
"Odo…I…" Lwaxana said.
"I failed, Beloved, to make you understand how important you are to me and just how truly loved you are," Odo said.
"I'm sorry, Odo," Lwaxana said. "I…I truly am. I don't know how to make it up to you. I don't know how to say I'm as sorry as I truly am."
"Since I have been married to you," Odo said, "my home has been my sanctuary, and you have been my home. Wherever you have been, I have been happiest. In your presence, I have been more myself than even when I am alone. You have taught me to accept myself, entirely, and even to find value in who I am. You have given me a family—one that continues to grow—and I treasure our life together. Today, I would have gone home to find that I no longer had a home—it had been taken away from me. Everything I held dear…and I would have had no explanation of what I had done, or failed to do, to merit such pain."
"Oh—Odo—I'm sorry," Lwaxana said. She crawled toward him on the blanket, and he let her close the distance between them. "I just knew that…you loved her. You didn't want to have anything with me, beyond friendship for the longest time, because you wanted to keep yourself open to her. If she wanted that, I didn't want to stand in your way."
"You haven't yet asked me what I want, Lwaxana," Odo said.
She backed up a little, as though he'd burned her with his words. His tone, he recognized, was no softer than it had been earlier.
"What do you want, Odo?"
"I want to be able to do my job, Lwaxana, without worrying that my family will be dismantled and relocated in my absence. I want to be able to leave my home and know that it will still be there when I return. I want to know that, if for some reason, you were to need to leave, I would be notified immediately. I want you to understand, Lwaxana, that I meant my vows to you. I have meant every promise that I have made to you since we were married. Don't you want me to believe that you wouldn't leave me for the next diplomat that makes a pass at you?"
Lwaxana laughed quietly.
"Of course, I wouldn't. Besides, you don't need to worry. Nobody is going to make a pass at a mother of…of nearly four," Lwaxana said.
"Five, Beloved," Odo said. She softened a little. Odo felt something in himself soften, too. "We will not ignore or forget Kestra."
Lwaxana smiled softly.
"Even more, Imzadi," Lwaxana said. "Nobody is going to desire a mother of five—especially one in my condition."
"And yet, there is no woman that I desire more than you," Odo said. "None. If I am to believe you, Lwaxana, then why can't you do me the courtesy of believing me?"
Lwaxana stared at him for a long moment, and then he felt the rush of emotion as it hit him. Her mind opened back up to him, and he felt her. She looked at him with pleading eyes.
"Can you forgive me, Odo?" She asked.
"I have no choice," Odo said after a moment. "I am powerless against you. I would not want to live without you for any reason."
"If you could choose…"
"I would still forgive you," Odo said. "Of course, I would."
"I love you enough to live without you," Lwaxana said, "but only if it would make you happy."
"Then, you'll remain forever at my side," Odo said. "If I had my choice of all the women in the world, Lwaxana…every female of every species in the four quadrants…there would be none that I would choose over you. There would be no life that I would rather have than the one that you have given me."
Lwaxana moved closer to Odo. She touched him cautiously, like he might pull away from her, and then she rested her head against his shoulder and hugged his arm.
"I'm sorry," she said. "I was heartbroken to think…you might love someone else. To think…she might have everything I've had, and I would simply have to miss it forever, having once known how wonderful it was to be loved by you." She rubbed her face against Odo's arm. He felt the dampness of her tears as she wiped them against what was nothing more than the approximation of clothing that he could create. "Oh—I don't feel well at all. Our little ones…"
She broke off. Odo turned and turned her face to look at her. She was a little pale, and he could only imagine that feelings that she and the little ones might be exchanging. Their little ones often had strong reactions to things. Everything, to them, was new and overwhelming.
Odo moved his hand to cover her belly—the slightest show of their little ones evident there.
"Hush now," he said, patting her for all the good it would do and trying to send her soothing thoughts to share with them. "Both of you. There's no reason to be afraid or unwell. Mommy and Papa are both here, and this is little more than a misunderstanding. There's nothing for you to be upset about."
"Do you mean that?" Lwaxana asked.
"I promise to always tell you the truth," Odo said. "Promise me that you'll never doubt me again."
"Never," Lwaxana promised. "Will you promise to never doubt me?"
"I never have," Odo said. "But—I promise not to start. There's no room for suspicion and jealousy in our marriage. Besides—it clearly upsets our little ones."
Lwaxana smiled at him.
"I love you, Imzadi," she said.
"And I, you," he assured her. He accepted the kiss she gave him, and he did his best to return it. "I can't sense them yet. Are they settling?"
"A little," Lwaxana said. She covered his hand with her own. "It takes them time. They're getting tired, I think."
"I am tired, too," Odo admitted.
"I've worn you out," Lwaxana said. "Let's go home? I'll take care of you. You can rest, and when you've rested, we can spend some time with Veta."
"What about our celebration?" Odo asked. "Our anniversary, Lwaxana…?"
"For a few bars of latinum," Lwaxana said, "I believe Quark can be convinced to recreate it tomorrow. And I would treasure an anniversary date with you that I didn't somehow manage to ruin. Can I take care of you tonight, and we try again tomorrow? Will you give me another chance?"
Odo smiled at her. He was tired, and he ached, but his whole being quivered with love and the simple pleasure of knowing that he was going home to be with Lwaxana—to be with his family. He brushed his hand over her cheek where the dried tears left something of a residue. He touched the dark cloth of her somber clothing.
"These colors don't suit you, Beloved. Will you wear the red dress tomorrow?" He asked. "So that—I know that you're happy?"
She smiled at him and nodded.
"I am happy," she said. "Come on—let me walk you home, Odo, and I'll prove it to you. I'll take care of you. And, tomorrow, I'll wear red, just for you."