I own nothing.
Day 286
Asgard
"Loki." Frigga looked around her, her golden hair catching the light. "Just a moment."
Three ladies sat weaving in an adjacent room. "My dears, would you please excuse me?" They nodded and swiftly left the room.
Frigga returned to where Loki's image shimmered. She drew her silken robe more securely around her. "Thor called out to Heimdall. Did you have anything to do with that?"
Frigga spoke quietly. She had sent her ladies-in-waiting away, but this was a delicate endeavor; she couldn't risk word getting back to Odin.
"Yes. I wanted to get Thor's attention, but I didn't think it was wise to speak to him directly. It didn't go well the last time I tried that."
"The last time you tried that you lied to him."
"Ah." He inclined his head. "So I did."
"Why did you wish to get Thor's attention?"
"There is an imminent threat to Midgard. It needs to activate whatever defenses it has. Asgard is likely next, and should prepare to defend itself."
"Your image isn't as clear as yesterday."
"Mother. What does that matter now? Asgard needs to ready for a possible attack."
"Yes, the All-Father is well aware of the threat and what precautions are necessary."
"He is? What do you mean? Thor doesn't have all the information."
She waved her hand in dismissal. Loki knew he would get no more from her.
"Are you well, Loki?"
He shrugged. "I'm likely better than I deserve."
She smiled sadly. "Oh, Loki, that's been true for most of your life."
He scowled. "Don't feel like you need to spare my feelings, Mother."
The All-Mother shook her head. "That was an unpleasant story you told me yesterday. I have few illusions left about you, my son." She gazed at him, then sighed. "I did look into your question, though."
Loki stood straighter. "And?"
"Loki, before I tell you what I discovered, you should know that the bond spell does not create nor destroy love. If there truly is love involved, then it existed before the bond and perhaps might exist after the bond. The heart can't be controlled with spells. Remember that."
"Thank you for the lecture, Mother. But I didn't ask you about love."
"No, you didn't, sadly."
"The bond, Mother?"
She straightened her shoulders. "There is no direct precedence for severing a rune bond."
His shoulders dropped. "Ah. Well, I knew it was unlikely. Thank you."
Frigga raised her hand. "Wait. Let me finish. There's no direct precedence. However, it's clear that a rune bond is based on two people fully committing themselves to each other. If there was some irregularity in that, it's like a crack in a foundation. If the tale you told me was true…"
"It was."
"Then Jane believed she was speaking to a person named Kai, not to you, Loki. And she did not know that she was binding herself to anyone. I believe that is an irregularity. The key is to craft a spell that questions that foundation, that widens that crack. And I cannot help you with that."
Loki raised his eyebrows. "Oh, Mother, of course you can."
Frigga shook her head again. "No, Loki. I've helped you as much as I can. If you have told me the truth, then your motive is selfless. But attempting to sever an eternal rune bond is risky."
"I will find a way."
"I cannot predict what the result will be. What will the cost be of this? To you? To Jane? To the child? Have you considered all that?"
"Yes. I cannot do what I must do; she will not do what she must do as long as we are tied to each other."
She leaned closer to his image. "What must you do, Loki? What must Jane do?"
"I cannot tell you that. For your own sake. The All-Father must not know."
The All-Mother straightened, her elegant features drawn and shadowed.
"You should know that Heimdall has long taken a particular interest in Jane Foster."
"Heimdall? Why?"
Frigga smiled at the sharpness of his voice. "She intrigues him. He follows her closely."
"Then he'll know I've told you the truth."
"You cloak yourself so often. It's difficult to be sure." Suddenly: "Do you love Jane?"
Loki studied his mother for a long while. "I do not want Jane's death on my ledger."
"Hmmm. You must be honest with Jane to attempt this bond-breaking spell. Completely honest. Jane must know everything to participate fully in it."
oooOOOooo
Mojave Desert: Joint Dark Energy Mission Facility
"I need a break. I'm going for a cup of coffee. You want some?"
"Thank you, Erik Selvig, but no thank you."
"I'll be back in a few minutes. Keep an eye on that screen for me."
The older scientist slowly walked from the room, stretching his legs and twisting his back. Thor sighed and shifted to watch the blinking square. The door shut behind Selvig.
"You think that was Loki the other day?"
"Barton! Where did you come from?"
Barton pointed to the ceiling. "Same as always. So was that Loki?"
Thor nodded. "I think so."
Barton nodded too. "I didn't see it, but I was watching you. You've been staring at that screen off and on for days. This was the first time you reacted."
"It was the same signature Erik Selvig told us to look for, just very rapid. So rapid that Selvig didn't notice."
"So what's that mean?"
"I don't know exactly. Loki knows how to get everyone's attention, how to make a big entrance. It seems that's not what he wanted."
"You're his brother. What does he want?"
"I don't know. That's why I'm still here."
oooOOOooo
Vancouver, British Columbia
The sky was overcast. Rain threatened. Seems about right, Jane thought.
She hauled herself out of bed and padded slowly to the bathroom, pulling on her dressing gown as she went. After she finished, she glanced into the living room. It was empty. So was the kitchen. No sign of Loki. Seems about right, Jane thought again. He typically disappeared when things got tense between them.
I thought I'd feel like a complete fool this morning. But I don't. Huh. I feel like Loki is a massive idiot and I'm just waiting for him to come to his senses. Which seems less and less likely, so…
She pulled on some comfy clothes. A wide headband tamed her growing-out hair. Jane rubbed her belly.
"So, Alie, that was an interesting day yesterday with your daddy, huh? I wonder where he's gone. Our work isn't finished yet, but…ah, I don't know. I just don't know about him. I'm sick of playing games and I'm sick of having the same argument over and over. Ugh. I need tea."
A few minutes later, a mug of chamomile tea steeped on the counter. Jane pulled on her jacket, slipped on some Crocs and unlatched the front door. In the upheaval of yesterday, she had not checked the mailbox.
"Oh!" she exclaimed. There sat Loki, dressed in his Earth clothes, looking as though he'd been on those cold hard steps the whole night. "You startled me."
"Good morning, Jane," he said quietly.
"Good morning," she answered, then "Excuse me," when he didn't move. Loki stood and allowed her to pass. She retrieved the mail and returned to stand in front of him. "I'll make you a cup of tea. Water's still hot."
Loki met her eyes. "Thank you. That's kind of you." He stood and opened the door for her, then followed her inside.
Jane hung her jacket up by the door and walked into the kitchen. Loki opened the cabinet and chose a mug. She hid a smile. How quickly he'd made himself at home.
"I offered to do that for you," she said.
"I know. I'd rather you enjoy your own tea while it's hot," he answered.
She sat at the table with her tea and watched him prepare his cup.
"You look terrible," she said.
"Thank you, Jane. You really are too kind this morning." He sat down.
She shrugged. "Sparing each other's feelings has never been a big component of our relationship."
Loki took a long pull of what had to be scalding tea.
"I thought you'd left," she said.
"I wanted to," he said.
"I see," she said. "Why did you stay?"
He studied her for a long while, making no attempt to hide. He really did look awful. Finally: "We need to talk."
The drawn look on Loki's face caused a pulse of dread low in her belly.
"That sounds serious."
Loki continued to hold her gaze. "It is."
Jane suddenly felt claustrophobic. She needed to put off hearing whatever Loki was going to say. "Do we have to stay here? In this house?"
"Where would you like to go?" he asked. "I've explored what this patch of land offers and…" The sour look on his face expressed his opinion.
"There's this park I've heard about. It's got a view of the mountains and the bay. I've never made it there but I've read that at this time of the year you can already see the bigger birds. I mean, it might not be super impressive to you, but it's prettier than this place for sure." Jane was aware that she was prattling on to avoid talking about anything scary. "Give me a few minutes to finish getting ready."
oooOOOooo
Half an hour later Sarah's silver CR-V pulled into the parking lot at Belcarra Regional Park. The ride had been quiet. She'd been grateful for that and that the traffic had been light; her mind had not been focused on the road.
"What is this place?" Loki asked.
"I'm impressed. You just got in the car and let me drive you around." Jane climbed out of the SUV and shut the door. Loki met her at the tailgate.
"I have no reason not to trust you," he said.
Jane opened the tailgate and Loki reached in for the blanket she'd brought.
"This is Belcarra Park. I've not been here, but I've seen pictures. Don't worry; it's much prettier here than at my place." Jane pointed. "This way, I think. We should be able to see water and the mountains."
After a short walk, Jane found a spot in front of a tree. In the early morning on a work and school day, the park was nearly deserted. She spread the blanket out and lowered herself onto it, using the tree as a backrest. Jane drank in the soothing waters of the bay, the dark green mountains in the distance and even the gray sky.
Loki shifted. Jane glanced at him. He wasn't enjoying the scenery; his eyes were closed and his jaw was clenched. She returned her gaze to the view.
The wind whistled through the trees. A bird called. Clouds gathered.
"I am keenly aware," he finally began, his voice low, "that the chance of you forgiving me is so remote as to be impossible. And yet I feel compelled to beg you for that forgiveness."
Jane kept her eyes glued to the mountains across the water.
"I have wronged you in a myriad of ways, Jane Foster. Many of my transgressions are known to you. Some are not. I—that is, you—" He paused for a long while. "They call me Silvertongue. But I can't think of a clever way to say this."
With a pang of recognition, Jane knew what he was going to say. Look at the evidence, Foster. This isn't a mystery. She stared at the ground, at the ants slowly making their way across broken twigs and leaf debris. He knows. He remembers. Why didn't he tell me yesterday? The cold knot of fear in her gut grew. Why isn't he happy?
"Clever words are not what is needed. The truth is. I've long been accustomed to shaping the truth to my own purposes. That night I broke Thanos' muting spell, I reclaimed my full power. You know that. But there's more that I haven't confessed. The incantation that I spoke was powerful, created to cancel any spell which had been cast on me by any mage."
He paused once more. A hawk swooped and circled overhead.
"Even if I was that mage. Two spells were broken that night. The second, I discovered, was a spell I had cast on myself."
Jane's head snapped up, but she still didn't look at him.
He continued, "I had not known the spell was there, which was its purpose, as it turned out. I began to hear voices and see memories and…remember. I remember—." He paused. "Look."
Jane turned to him then, to the exposed forearm he held out. Plainly etched on his skin was a stylized set of curved lines. The companion to the brand on her skin. The proof that they were bonded. The proof that she had been telling the truth all along. She looked away again, struggling to contain her emotions.
"You were right, Jane. I apologize for not believing you."
The victory felt terribly hollow.
She cleared her throat, hoping that her voice would work. "Did I hear you right? You wanted to forget about me? You cast a spell on yourself?"
"That's—it's not that simple, Jane. I arrived on this planet intending to kill you—"
That was enough. She didn't want to hear this. She turned to face him. "Look, Loki, I don't need the play-by-play. I was there, remember? All I want to know is why you would cast a spell on yourself to forget me. Why would you do that?"
"I couldn't risk anyone finding out about us."
Jane stared at him, blinking. This sounded like a dysfunctional high school romance. Loki wanted to forget because he was embarrassed by her? "You have made my life a living hell."
"I know." He didn't even have the grace to look away. "I knew I would before I cast the spell."
She was caught in a nightmare. It just keeps getting worse and worse. She shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts.
"And you still did it anyway? It was worth it to you? To destroy my life?"
Loki nodded slowly. "Yes. I got revenge on Thor."
Her heart felt crushed under the weight of his words.
oooOOOooo
His heart felt crushed under the weight of his words. Every one of those words was the truth…but not the whole truth. Yes, he had known he was likely derailing Jane's life by creating a bond. But it was worth it because it would mean that Jane would be all his, only his, forever. Revenge on Thor was a consideration, yes. He couldn't deny it. But it was secondary, the icing on the cake. He had known it was impossible, knew he wouldn't survive, knew she would hate him, but yet he had not been able to resist trying to secure a future in which he watched the stars and traveled the realms…and argued…and kissed…and made love…with Dr. Jane Foster.
The words were a dagger that he slid between her ribs. He felt her pain, heard her breath catch, saw her jaw tighten. He had no choice. There was only one way.
"I consulted with…an adviser. There may yet be a way to put things right."
Bewilderment etched her forehead. "Put things right? What do you mean?"
"Nothing is certain. Understand that. But. There may be a way to undo the bond."
The horror on her face matched the nausea that struck when his words echoed in his skull.
"You want to break our bond?" she whispered.
He couldn't speak.
oooOOOooo
Jane laboriously got to her feet, cursing how ungainly she was. A footpath led along the shore. She followed it, not caring if Loki followed her or not. She needed her mind to weigh in here. Right now her heart was a giant suffocating pillow of hurt.
He's breaking up with me. Loki's dumping me. We were never really together but he's breaking up with me. A hysterical giggle leaked out. He doesn't want me. He's abandoning me. This time for really real.
Think, Jane. Don't feel. Think.
Did she believe Loki? She considered his words, his tone of voice, his manner. Yes. In contrast to nearly every other conversation, he had blamed nothing on Thor or on her. He had taken full responsibility for his actions.
She strained to hold the emotions at bay, to give her mind long enough to process, but she couldn't. She'd been smart enough to figure out that Loki remembered their bond, just not smart enough to realize he would want out. That pain was sharp and deep. How she had longed to hear Loki admit that they were a bonded pair. I had no idea it would break my heart when he did.
Loki had thrown her life into complete chaos. The dreams…all those dreams…Kai…JDEF…the weird scar…believing she was losing her mind when she kept remembering bits and pieces of Kai/Loki…being sick, not knowing why or how her body was changing…the cataclysmic moment when she realized that Kai was Loki…lying to everyone, even Darcy and Thor…running away…changing her identity…living in fear…the physical pain of this pregnancy…the verbal and emotional abuse from Loki…
She dimly registered that the path had taken her away from the water into the forest. Patches of snow dotted the forest floor and last fall's leaves squelched under her feet. Bare branches clawed at the steel sky. The forest's mood matched hers.
"Well, at least the last of the mystery is cleared up," she muttered to herself. "No more guessing what happened." It was simple, really, if you looked past the magic—science?—involved. Loki wanted revenge above all else. That's all she was in this story: a pawn in the centuries-long sibling rivalry between two demigods.
And then he wanted nothing more than to forget her. And as soon as he was forced to remember her, he wanted out of the bond.
He's just not that into you, Foster. Sour shame filled her belly. I'm such an idiot. Degrees and fellowships notwithstanding, I am an absolute moron. To fall in love with him. To let myself imagine even for a nanosecond that this could work, to nurture that dream like an empty-headed teenage girl with a crush on a movie star.
Jane stumbled. A low-hanging tree branch caught her across the cheek. The pain was shocking; she recoiled, losing her footing on the slippery ground. She half-slid, half-fell to the ground.
Jane felt her stinging cheek and found it wet with tears. Huh. The damp soaked through her leggings but she made no effort to get up.
Shut it down, shut it off, put it away. I've been a convenient tool for him: to befriend the Tesseract, to hurt Thor, to heal himself, to conquer Earth. Maybe to stop Thanos. Is that even real?
What were the chances that Earth would still resemble Earth in a few weeks? What were the chances she and her daughter would survive an attack? Would survive childbirth? What hope did she have for any kind of real future?
Why did Loki tell her this? What does he want from me this time? Why tell me at all? To clear his conscience? Screw that. He doesn't deserve a clear conscience.
"Jane? Are you hurt?" Loki knelt beside her on the muddy forest floor. She hadn't heard him coming.
She used her scarf to wipe her face. "No, I'm fine."
"Let me help you." He took her chin in his long fingers and frowned, tracing the sting of the scratch on her cheek. "Let me heal that for you."
"No," she said, pushing his hands away. "Get your hands off me. You don't get to pretend like you care." She wanted the pain to remind her not to fall for his tricks.
Loki stepped back and watched as she lumbered to her feet. She knew she was fat, messy, and ugly. So what? No one cares.
No one.
"Jane," Loki began, but she cut him off.
"When we're out of the house, my name is Sarah. Thanks to you."
oooOOOooo
Oh. She did hate him.
Loki watched Jane walk away. He had known she would be surprised. He'd expected her to be angry. But he hadn't been prepared for this, for the agony of watching the light leave her eyes.
That's what happens when I tell the truth.
Frigga's voice whispered: You must be completely honest with Jane.
I can't do that.