Jennie's POV
Everything is happening too fast for me to comprehend. I'm confused, and when I look around the room, I see that I'm surrounded by people who have taunted me no matter hard I tried to fit in with them, and I know that I can't trust a single one of them.
What's going on? Why is Lisa just standing there? What's happening? "I second that," Hanbin chimes in and lifts her beer in salute. "Go on, Lisa tell her."
"I . . . I will tell you outside," Lisa says, her voice low.
I look into her brilliant eyes, which seem wild with desperation and confusion. I don't know what is going on, but I do know I don't want to go anywhere with her.
"No, you tell me here. In front of them so you can't lie." My heart is already aching and I know that I am not prepared for whatever she is getting ready to tell me.
She pauses, fidgeting with her fingers before she speaks. "I'm sorry." She holds her hands out in front of her. "Jennie you have to remember that this was way before I even knew you." Her eyes are begging for mercy.
I don't trust my voice, and I barely open my mouth when I speak. "Tell me."
"That night . . . that second night . . . the second party you came to, when we played Truth or Dare . . . and Jackson asked if you were a virgin . . ." She closes her eyes as if to gather her thoughts.
Oh no. If it was possible for my heart to sink even lower, it would have.
This isn't happening. This can't be happening. Not right now. Not to me. "Go on . . ." Hanbin says and leans forward like this is the best thing he's ever seen. Lisa shoots her daggers, and I know that if Lisa weren't in the middle of single-handedly destroying our relationship, she would kill that vile man on the spot.
"You said you were . . . and that gave someone an idea—" "Gave who the idea?" Nancy interrupts.
"Me . . . gave me the idea," she admits. Her eyes never leave mine. Which doesn't make this any easier. "That . . . it could be fun to make . . . to make a bet." Her head falls, and tears pour from my eyes.
"No," I choke and take a step backward.
Confusion rams into my already-jumbled thoughts, disrupting any attempt to make sense of them, to make sense of what I'm hearing. Confusion is quickly replaced by a burning mixture of pain and anger. All of the memories flooding through me pile and piece together . . .
"Stay away from her." "Be careful." "Sometimes you think you know people, but you don't." "But Jennie, I need to tell you something."
All of the small remarks that were made by Nancy, Hanbin, and even Lisa herself play over and over. There was always something in the back of my mind, a feeling that I was missing something. All of the air seems to be sucked out of the small room, and I find myself almost gasping as the reality of all this sets in. There were so many clues; I just was too blinded by Lisa to see them.
Why would she take it this far? To have me live with her?
"You knew?" I turn to Wendy. I can't look at Lisa any longer.
"I . . . I was going to tell you so many times, Jen," she says, her eyes brimming with guilty tears.
"I didn't believe it when she claimed she won, even with the condom," Hanbin snickers, enjoying the show.
"Right? Me, either! The sheets, though. I mean, how can you deny blood on the sheets!" Nancy laughs.
The sheets. That's why they were still in her car . . .
I know I should be saying something, anything, but I can't find my voice. Everything is still moving around me; people in the bar are eating and drinking, not noticing the naïve girl ten feet away from them having her heart shattered. How is it possible that time still moves as I stand here watching Bambam bow his head, watching Wendy cry, and, most of all, watching Lisa watch me.
"Jennie, I am so sorry." She takes a step toward me, but I can't even move my feet to run away like I need to.
Nancy's harpy voice breaks through the air. "You know, there is a sort of drama here that everyone has to appreciate. I mean, remember last time we were all here and Wendy gave Jennie that ridiculous makeover, and Lisa and Rosé were trying to battle over who took her back to her room?" She laughs, then continues: "Then Lisa showed up to your room, right? With that vodka! You thought she was drunk! Do you remember when I called her when she was there?" For a moment she looks at me like she actually expects I'll answer her. "But really she was supposed to win the bet that night. She was pretty cocky about it, but Rosé kept saying you wouldn't give it up that quick. I guess Rosé was right, but you still gave it up quicker than I thought you would, so I suppose it's a good thing I didn't bet any money . . ."
Nancy's terrible sounds and Lisa's eyes are the only thing in the bar.
I have never felt this way before. This level of humiliation and loss is worse than I could ever have imagined. Lisa has been playing me this entire time; this was all a game to her. All the hugs, the kisses, the smiles, the laughs, the "I love you's," the sex, the plans—and fuck if this doesn't burn like nothing else in the world. She had every move planned, every night, every single detail, and everyone knew except me. Even Wendy, who I thought was becoming a friend. I glance at her, allowing myself a moment of weakness during the shock, and I wish I hadn't. She's just standing there—standing there like my entire world isn't crashing around me and she hasn't completely humiliated me in front of everyone.
"You'd be happy to know that you were worth a pretty penny, though, even though Rosé tried to bitch out a few times. But with Hanbin, Ten, and Rosé's money, I hope she at least bought you dinner!" Nancy says, laughing.
Hanbin finishes his beer and howls. "I'm only disappointed that I missed the infamous I Love You! announcement in front of everyone. I heard that was a killer."
"Shut the fuck up!" Bambam surprises everyone by yelling. If I wasn't numb, he may have surprised me, too. "Fuck you guys. She has already had enough!"
Lisa takes another step. "Baby, please say something."
And with her little "baby" plea, my brain finally connects with my mouth. "Don't you fucking dare call me that! How could you do this to me? You . . . you . . . I can't . . ." I have so many things in my head to say, but they just won't come out. "And I won't say anything, because that's what you want." I sound much more confident than I feel inside. Inside I am burning, and my heart is on the floor, underneath Lisa's boot.
"I know I messed up—" she begins.
"You messed up? You messed up?" I scream. "Why? Just tell me why. Why me?"
"Because you were there," she says. And her honesty only breaks me further. "And a challenge. I didn't know you, Jennie. I didn't know that I would fall in love with you."
Her mention of love carries with it the opposite feeling than it has the past few weeks, and I can taste the bile in the back of my throat. "You're sick. You're fucking sick!" I scream and rush to the door.
This is too much for me. Lisa's hand wraps around my arm and I jerk away, turning and slapping her. Hard.
The pain in her expression gives me the most painful satisfaction.
"You ruined everything!" I scream. "You took something from me that wasn't yours, Lisa. That was meant for someone who loved me, loved me truthfully. It was his, whoever he is, and you took that—for money? I ruined my relationship with my mother for you. I gave up everything! I had someone who loved me, someone who wouldn't hurt me the way you did. You are disgusting."
"I do love you, Jennie. I love you more than anything. I was going to tell you. I tried to get them not to tell you. I never wanted you to find out. That's why I was out all night, getting them to agree not to say anything. I was going to tell you soon, now that we live together, because then it wouldn't matter."
I have no control over the words tumbling from my lips. "Are you . . . you . . . oh my God, Lisa! What the hell is wrong with you? You think going around convincing people to not tell me is okay? The fact that I wouldn't know would make it all okay? You thought that if we lived together, I would let this go? That's why you were so determined for my name to be on the lease! Oh my God. You are sick!"
Every small detail that made me think twice since I met Lisa all points to this. It was so obvious. "That's why you went and got my stuff for me from my room, because you were afraid Wendy would tell me!"
Everyone in the bar is staring and I feel so small, so broken and small. "What did you do with the money, Lisa?"
"I—" she begins, then stops. "Tell me," I demand.
"Your car . . . the paint . . . and the deposit for the apartment. I thought if I . . . I was going to tell you so many times, once I knew it wasn't just a bet anymore. I love you—I loved you the entire time, I swear it," she says.
"You kept the condom to show them, Lisa! You showed them the sheets, the bloody fucking sheets!" I wrap my hands in my hair and tug at it. "Oh my God! I'm such an idiot. While I was reliving every detail of the best night of my life, you were showing your friends the sheets."
"I know . . . I don't have any excuse . . . but you have to forgive me. We can figure this out," she says.
And I laugh. A real laugh. Despite my tears, I find myself laughing; I'm losing my mind. This scene isn't playing out like in the movies. I'm not holding myself together. I'm not handling the news elegantly with a simple gasp or a single tear trailing down my cheek. I am crying, pulling at my own hair, and am barely able to control my emotions and form a full sentence.
"Forgive you?" I laugh madly. "You have ruined my entire life—you know that, don't you? Oh, of course you do. That was your plan the entire time, remember? You promised you would 'ruin me.' So congratulations, Lisa, you have. What should I give you, money? Or should I find another virgin for you?"
She shifts a little, as if to block out my view of the others at the table. "Jennie, please. You know I love you, I know you do. Let's go home, please, and I will tell you everything."
"Home? That isn't my home. It never has been; we both know that." I try for the door again. I am so close.
"What can I do? I'll do anything," she begs. With her eyes still focused on mine, she bends down. I'm confused for a second before I realize she is getting on her knees in front of me.
"You? Nothing. There is nothing you can do for me anymore, Lisa."
If I knew what to say to hurt her as badly as she has hurt me, I would. And I would repeat it a thousand times, just so she would know how it feels to be so completely blindsided and ripped apart.
I take off for the door, taking advantage of Lisa's position on her knees. As soon as I reach the door, I crash into someone. I look up to find Rosé, her battered face still recovering from the injuries that Lisa caused. "What's wrong?" she asks and grabs my elbows. Then her gaze travels behind me to Lisa and realization fills her eyes.
"I'm sorry . . ." she says, but I ignore her. Lisa is coming, and I have to get the hell away from this bar, from her.
The freezing air whips my hair in front of my face as soon as I get outside. I welcome the feeling, hoping it will cool the burning inside me. Snow has blanketed my car and the streets.
Rosé's voice calls from behind me, "You can't drive, Jennie." I keep trudging through the snow, across the parking lot.
"Leave me alone! I know you were in on it! You all were!" I scream and dig for my keys.
"Let me take you home—you are in no condition to drive in this storm," she says. As I open my mouth to scream at her, Lisa walks outside.
I look at the person I once thought was the love of my life, who I thought would make every day after we met special, and wild, and free. And then I look at Rosé.
"Okay," I say.
The click of Rosé's car being unlocked is my cue to get in as fast as I can. The second Lisa realizes that I'm leaving with Rosé, she runs toward the car. Her face twists in anger, and I hope for Rosé's sake she gets into the car before Lisa reaches us.
Rosé jumps in and takes off. I look over and watch Lisa fall to her knees for the second time tonight.
"I am so sorry, Jennie. I had no idea it would get that out of hand—" she starts, but I cut her off.
"Don't talk to me."
I can't stand to hear any more. I can't take it. I'm sick to my stomach, and the pain of Lisa's betrayal is cutting at me, making me weaker and weaker by the moment. I'm convinced that if Rosé speaks, there will be nothing left of me. I need to know why Lisa did what she did, but I'm
honestly terrified what will happen if I hear it, all of it. I haven't felt pain like this before and I'm not sure how to handle it, or if I can at all. Rosé nods, and we drive in silence for a few minutes. I think of Lisa, of Nancy, of Hanbin and the rest, and something in me shifts. Something makes me braver. "You know what?" I turn to her. "Do talk to me. Tell me everything. Every single detail."
With worried eyes she searches my face for a moment, and then, realizing she has no choice, says a quiet "Okay" as we turn onto the freeway.
To be continued ...