Severus pushed the hovering chair into the hospital wing. He had decided against taking Rachel through the floo and instead had apparated with her to the Hogwarts gates, where Poppy was waiting with one of the charmed chairs. "Do you want to stay in the chair or sit on one of the beds?" he asked.
"One of the beds, I think," she said. "I don't think I can stay sitting up like this without leaning on something for the whole time."
"Alright." Severus obligingly moved the chair over next to the bed, but before he could reach down to help, Rachel had pushed herself to her feet and then managed to half roll herself onto the bed rather than collapse onto the floor. Deciding not to comment, he conjured her a few pillows and watched as she situated herself. He could understand wishing to be self-sufficient.
"How have you been feeling?" Poppy asked, directing a diagnostic charm at Rachel.
"Not bad. The headaches are gone. I'm working on standing and walking," she said.
"Please be careful with that, we don't wish for a fall to reopen any of your wounds," Poppy said, tucking away her wand.
"I'm watching her closely," Severus promised. Right now Rachel couldn't stand on her own, but he knew there would come a time when she would try. They would have to have a talk about that when that day came.
"Hello? This is Torey. Severus, are you there?" came a voice from the fireplace.
Severus hurried over. "Yes, you can come through," he called back.
A moment later Torey stepped out of the fireplace looking slightly ruffled. "Thank you."
"No, thank you for coming. We appreciate it. May I introduce our school matron, Madam Poppy Pomfrey," Severus said.
"Just Poppy is fine," Poppy said from Severus' side.
"It's nice to meet you, please call me Torey," she said. "I have to admit, I wasn't expecting a literal castle."
"Hogwarts has been here for more than a thousand years, though the castle itself has changed during that time," Poppy said.
Severus nodded. "Did everything go alright with the wards?"
"Yes, a young man who introduced himself as Bill did both the wards on my home and on my office last Sunday. I would say that some of the warding is overkill, but under the circumstances, perhaps not," Torey said.
"Better to have them and not need them," Poppy said. "Severus indicated that you were comfortable with me as the Secret Keeper for the Fidelius charm?"
"Yes, that should be fine. I trust that Severus would pick whoever will keep Rachel safest," Torey said.
Severus noted the phrasing on that - she didn't say that she trusted him, just that she trusted he would act to keep Rachel safe.
"Privacy is necessary for the Fidelius charm to be cast, why don't we use my office," Poppy said.
"That's fine," Torey said. "About how long does this take?"
"Just a few minutes," Poppy said, leading Torey to her office.
Severus returned to Rachel's bedside and conjured a chair to sit next to her. "This will seem a little odd. When they cast the Fidelius spell, you will remember that you see Torey and the contents of your visits with her, but you won't be able to recall her name or face. After they cast the Fidelius charm, they will come out, and Poppy will reintroduce you, and then your memories of Torey will return to normal."
Rachel shook her head. "That is such a weird spell. I mean, it's got to be incredibly powerful to affect people it's not even being cast at. You could hide anything with it, assuming you trusted the person keeping the secret."
"It is a very powerful spell, but also a fairly esoteric spell. It requires a fair amount of focus and power to cast and it's a long incantation in latin. The Order used it a handful of times during the war, and I'm told the Unspeakables use it to classify information they want to be kept absolutely secret and then that information dies with the Unspeakable," Severus explained.
She bit her lip as she thought. "Probably spells or potions that could be really dangerous or cause a lot of damage."
"Among other things, I'm sure. In general, I believe that innovation and information should be freely available, but I can admit there are things that are better off not being well known. While most witches and wizards would never use spells that could cause mass destruction, it's the handful who would that we need to worry about."
Rachel nodded. "Can I speak with Torey alone?"
"Yes, of course. I will go down to my classroom and begin preparations for the next term while you speak with Torey and I'm certain Poppy will be willing to give you privacy as well," he said, a little surprised that she felt the need to ask.
"Thanks, I just…it just happened. I knew her name a moment ago, and now I don't. I can remember her office, but when I try to remember her, it's like there's a fuzzy shape where she should be," she said, her brow furrowed in concentration.
Severus tried to remember the name of Rachel's Mind Healer and found that he couldn't, despite his own memories of meeting with her. "It is an odd sensation."
"Very. I'm not sure I like it at all. Is the Fidelius charm a type of memory charm?" she asked.
"The Fidelius charm has some similarities to memory charms, but it is more rooted in truth spells. The idea is rather than to force someone to tell a truth, you are concealing a truth," he explained.
"There are spells that work like Veritaserum?"
"Not precisely and not nearly as well. As an occlumens, you will be resistant to most truth and compulsion charms." And that was certainly a relief.
"Is my occlumency why I was able to resist the Imperius curse?" she asked.
"It is likely one of the reasons, but there is probably more to it than that. Occlumency doesn't enable people to entirely resist the Imperius curse, though the strength of will needed to master occlumency does play a role." He suspected that like her ability to speak Parseltongue, her ability to resist the Imperius curse was somehow connected to the curse wound she'd received from the Dark Lord as an infant, but there was no reason to bring that up now.
Poppy approached them with a woman. "Severus, Rachel, I would like to introduce you to Rachel's Mind Healer, Torey Halls."
Severus blinked as his memories were restored. It was a very strange experience.
Rachel exhaled. "That's so weird."
"What did it feel like?" Torey asked.
"I couldn't quite remember you, but then, all of a sudden I could. Like there was a hole in my memory that was suddenly filled," she said.
"It is a curious spell," Poppy said. "This is the first time I've had cause to cast it."
Severus stood. "I'll leave you with Torey, if that's alright?"
"Yes, please," Rachel said.
"I'll be in my office, just call if you need something," Poppy said, immediately taking the hint.
Severus left the hospital wing, intent on examining his store cupboard and seeing what he had missed on his initial order to the apothecary. Hopefully Torey could help Rachel where he could not.
"Do you mind if I cast a privacy ward around us?" Torey asked.
"Please do. I know almost no one is in the castle right now, but still," Rachel said. She didn't particularly like meeting Torey outside of her office, but Severus couldn't exactly carry her through the streets of London. She shivered as Torey cast the ward.
"Are you cold?" Torey asked.
"A little actually. I've been cold ever since…since I was injured," she said, not quite sure how to put it. Torey was the first person she'd spoken to who hadn't been at Hogwarts or involved in her rescue. "Has Severus told you what happened?"
"Before we start, would you like a blanket?" Torey asked, her wand still out.
"Yes, please. I should have worn my long stockings, but I was a little worried about pulling them over my skin just yet," Rachel said, looking down at where her legs were bare from her knees to her ankles. She still had a thick bandage over the wound that Severus was treating with murtlap essence. The rest of the marks were just red and some still had scabs.
Torey glanced at Rachel's legs before conjuring a blanket and spreading it over Rachel.
"Your blankets are different from Severus'," she said, a little amused. Severus' were always tartan wool blankets. Torey's was a dark blue cotton fleece blanket.
"I've found that my conjured objects do seem to differ from a lot of people's, I noticed that when I attended my university program as well. It seems to be a combination of regional differences and of what someone's teacher instructed them in. There were a handful of Ilvermorny students in my program, and most of them had very similar conjurations," Torey explained.
Rachel knew that Ilvermorny was the big school in the United States. "Why didn't you attend Ilvermorny?"
"It was on the opposite coast from where I was, to start with, and they have an entrance exam, which I chose not to take. There are a large number of magical schools in the United States, but Ilvermorny is the big one. Earn a diploma from Ilvermorny and you're pretty much guaranteed a spot at a magical university. Their Healing program is the best in the country. However, there are also a lot of advantages of going to muggle school while learning magic in the community magic school. I couldn't have the job I have now without having done that. While the magical community here in Britain is fairly separated, in the United States you can't really get by without knowing how to survive in the muggle world."
"My friend Theo has never even spoken with a muggle before. I don't think Draco has either. And Neville has only met Hermione's parents. It took me a while to really realize how separate it is, but then I remember that I really only go into the muggle world to see you and then maybe shopping once with Severus every year. Well, and the grocers, but still." Rachel frowned. She wasn't really sure how to fix that.
Torey nodded. "It's easy to see how these misunderstandings and prejudices take place when they've never met a muggle, let alone seen how muggles live. You wanted to know what Severus told me?"
"Well, I mean, I assume you saw the newspaper. Though Millie said they didn't have many details, for once," Rachel said, bracing herself for Torey's questions.
"I did see the Daily Prophet. They didn't have many details. The first was just a short article saying you'd been abducted. The second was saying that you had been rescued by the MLE and that you had been held at the Malfoy Manor. It did mention you had been tortured, but it was nonspecific. Severus told me that you are suffering after-effects from Cruciatus exposure and had wounds from the Flaming Whip curse. He also told me that another student had been involved in your rescue and the student was injured in the process," Torey listed.
Rachel bit her lip. That helped, sort of, that she didn't have to explain those things, but at the same time, she kind of wished Severus hadn't told Torey anything. "That was Draco. His father tried to kill him with the Disemboweling curse. He would have died if he hadn't gotten to a Healer soon."
Torey was quiet for a moment. "Did you want to talk about Draco?"
She thought for a bit. Draco was a complicated subject at the best of times, and these were definitely not the best of times. "Not really."
"I'm not going to press you to talk about what happened. There is some disagreement in the therapeutic community on this. Some think it's best for a person to talk through the trauma soon after as a sort of way of processing and healing. Some feel that it's better to let people approach it at their own pace. I tend to favor the latter, as I have seen that it can be retraumatizing to push someone to talk about a trauma when they're not ready," Torey said, her gaze fixed on Rachel.
"I'm definitely not ready," Rachel said with some relief. She was glad Torey didn't want to talk about what had happened.
"That's okay. And when you start to feel ready, we can talk about it. It doesn't have to be all at once, it can just be about a moment or a detail, and then we can move on to other things. Is there anything on your mind now that you want to talk about? Anything that's been giving you difficulties?" Torey asked.
Rachel sighed. "Well. I go back to school in six weeks and I can't stand up or walk. My hands and legs shake. The only reason I can write at all is because I have a charmed quill and some spells I can't even do anymore. I haven't been on a broom in four weeks and I really want to fly, but Severus says I can't until I can stand up on my own. And I keep falling asleep, which definitely won't work if I'm doing a full day of classes and studying."
"Let's take that a piece at a time, shall we? It's been four weeks since you were injured. Do you feel like you've been making improvements from where you were four weeks ago?"
"Yes, definitely. I couldn't even sit up or move my hands, or even really see at first. The pain is mostly better. I'm sleeping less, but still a lot. I can sit up pretty well now, but after a while I need to lean on something. We're working on the standing thing, but it's not going well yet," she said, thinking back over the past four weeks. Things could definitely be worse.
Torey nodded. "Those are some good improvements. Has your Healer suggested that those improvements will stop or slow down?"
Rachel fiddled with the edge of the blanket. "I have noticed the improvements slowing down a little. And Severus and Madam Pomfrey say that it's possible some of the effects will be long term or even permanent, but they don't know which ones, if any."
"That sounds like a scary thing to hear," Torey said neutrally.
"It is, a bit. The idea that I might not walk again, or that I might not fly, or that I might be limited in what spells I cast, that's scary."
"It is. And if any of those things are true, we will work to help you have as close to the life that you want as possible," Torey assured her. "If you can't walk, even if that's temporary and you just need it for a while, there are chairs with charms to help you get around. There are often alternative spells that can replace the spells that you're having trouble with. I assume the problem is that your hand is shaking and preventing you from accurately performing the wand movements?"
"That is the problem. If I try to write without the charmed quill, I just get ink everywhere. At least I'm not an artist, like Luna is, though I imagine all my photos are going to turn out blurry too." She frowned, she hadn't even thought of that until just now.
"Sounds like you might need a tripod to set up your camera. I bet you could learn to conjure one, you told me that you are conjuring inanimate objects in your Transfiguration class," Torey pointed out.
Rachel sighed. "Probably. It's just frustrating. Things that I didn't even used to think about are now hard. I never used to think about walking, I would just get up and go wherever I wanted to go. Now I have to ask for help."
"That is frustrating. Have you considered asking Severus to borrow or rent a charmed chair for while you're at home so you can get around by yourself?" she suggested.
"Do you think that would be okay?" Rachel asked. She had never considered it before.
"I don't see that it hurts anything to ask, and it would help give you some independence. Do you think you'd be able to safely move yourself in and out of a chair?" Torey asked.
She thought about it. "Maybe if it was on the same level as what I was moving to. Or if there was a way to stop it from moving, and maybe I could hold onto it to push myself onto the bed or the sofa."
"If you do ask, have your Healer or Severus help you work out a safe way for you to transfer yourself, I don't want you to fall and get hurt."
Rachel nodded. She didn't see why they couldn't borrow a chair from the hospital wing. No one was using it right now.
"As for flying, that will probably be a little more complicated. I think Severus is right that you need to be able to stand up on your own before you try as a lot of flying a broom is in balance," Torey said.
"Do you fly?" Rachel asked, realizing she didn't know.
"Not any more. I used to do long distance broom racing when I was doing my graduate studies. I saw a lot of the countryside that way." Torey looked wistful for a moment. "I know that flying and Quidditch are important to you, but it's also important that you do this safely. I'm going to guess that it's going to be an adjustment and you are going to need to relearn some flying techniques to fit how your body is currently working."
Rachel nodded. She'd kind of figured that was well, but it was better than not flying at all.
"I think it's important to acknowledge that your injuries have brought changes to your life. It's made some things that you took for granted more difficult. And it certainly was a trauma," Torey said.
She waited, but Torey was watching her now. "You're not going to say something like 'but you learned something in the process' or 'there is a good side to this' or something?"
"No, I'm not. It's possible that you can learn something from this, or find a silver lining, but I'm not going to try to tell you that it's a good thing that this happened. You were seriously hurt and the results of that has had a big impact on your life. Things are different now and they might not all return to the way that they used to be. And it's okay to feel about that however you feel, and it's okay if those feelings change. Do you have any ideas about how you feel about it?" Torey asked.
"I feel stupid," was the thing that finally came out of Rachel's mouth after she struggled for the right thing to say for over a minute.
"Stupid isn't really a feeling, that sounds more like you're blaming yourself for something. Do you know what it is that you're blaming yourself for?"
Rachel looked down at the blanket. "I was tying my shoelace. All I had to say to my friends was 'wait for me' and this never would have happened. That's literally all I had to do."
"And you didn't, because it's perfectly natural to bend down to tie your shoe and think, this will take fifteen seconds and then I'll be right with my friends. That is a perfectly normal and natural thing to do," Torey insisted.
"I said hi to him. Goyle came up to me, and I actually said hi to him before he grabbed me." Rachel bit her lip hard. "I didn't even have my wand out."
"He was your classmate, of course you said hello to him. You're a polite person, Rachel. You had no reason to suspect he was about to abduct you."
"His father is a Death Eater. And I bet he is now too." Severus had said that Goyle likely wouldn't be charged with kidnapping her. Rachel had let it go because it was just too much to deal with.
"Still, did you suspect that he was going to abduct you or try to hurt you?" Torey asked.
"Not really. Goyle…he's not all that smart. He doesn't do well in class. He doesn't socialize much in Slytherin. I just…I didn't see him as a threat, and I should have. I shouldn't have dismissed someone as a threat just because they don't do well in school," she explained.
"Maybe not. There's a lot of ways people can be smart that aren't school smarts, and some people aren't all that intelligent and that's okay too. They're people and they have their lives, just like anyone else. But what I'm trying to tell you, Rachel, is that this isn't your fault. Goyle made the choice to abduct you. That is his fault. Not yours," Torey said firmly.
"He was following me around Hogsmeade, at least on two of the Hogsmeade's weekends before this, and I didn't even realize it. How can I be so stupid?" Rachel squeezed her fists as her hands shook.
"You are not stupid, Rachel. I know that you're not. I think you know that you're not too. He was your classmate. I assume you saw a lot of your classmates on Hogsmeade weekends. How were you to know he was following you specifically until he attacked you?"
Rachel sighed. "We noticed him, waiting outside Honeydukes. But he was looking in the Herbologists, so Hermione went in, and Leanne said that Goyle liked her, but she didn't return his feelings. So we thought he was watching Leanne."
"And that is a perfectly reasonable assumption to make with the information that you had. Do you know the saying 'hindsight is twenty twenty'?"
"I think I've heard it before," she said. "I know it means that you understand things better after things have taken place, but I don't know why it means that."
"Twenty twenty is an optometrist's way of saying that you have perfect vision or are seeing clearly. Things usually make sense in retrospect. We put together clues that seemed separate at the time. But no one can expect themselves to have a perfect understanding in advance. We simply don't have the information we need to put the pieces together yet," Torey explained. "What happened is not your fault. Goyle chose to abduct you. The Dark Lord and the Death Eaters chose to hurt you. Without them making those decisions, you would have simply tied your shoe and caught up to your friends and had a normal day in Hogsmeade."
She hadn't quite looked at it that way before. If Goyle had decided to just tell his father he couldn't get to her, nothing would have happened. The Dark Lord hadn't probably even expected Goyle to succeed. "I feel frustrated. And angry. But then, it's like, I feel angry, and it just vanishes. And then I don't feel anything."
"I think anger is one of the emotions that you struggle with feeling because you weren't allowed to be angry while you were growing up. Showing your anger ended up with you getting hurt. So you hid it from yourself. And now you're still learning that it's okay to feel angry and that nothing bad is going to happen because of it."
"I kind of yelled at Severus the other day."
"While yelling isn't usually the best way to make our feelings known, sometimes that happens. I'm sure he understands that you're frustrated right now, and I know you're not likely to make a habit of it," Torey said.
"I won't. I just. I panicked a bit. He was walking toward me and I was upset and so I yelled at him to get away from me," she explained. She both felt bad about that, and didn't. She didn't want to yell at Severus, but he really should know better than to start talking about things like that.
"It sounds like something there reminded you of traumatic memories and you felt threatened by him coming closer," Torey suggested.
Rachel thought about it. "Kind of. I didn't feel threatened by him specifically, I just didn't want him to touch me or get close to me. I knew he wasn't a threat, but I didn't want him near me."
"That's a fairly common response following a traumatic trigger. It doesn't mean that you see Severus as a threat, just that having any other person nearby felt maybe scary or uncomfortable."
She nodded. It would have bothered her if it had been anyone.
"Does seeing you here in the hospital wing work for you for us to see each other in the future or are there changes we can make so that it's more comfortable for you?" Torey asked.
"I think until I can keep myself sitting up well in a chair, this will have to work. It's okay. I think Severus and Madam Pomfrey will give us privacy," Rachel said.
"Alright. Let me know if you want changes to be made. I'm sure there's another room near here we can go to if you would feel more comfortable there. Is there anything else you would like to talk about today?"
"No. I think that pretty much covers it. Everything is pretty quiet right now. I spend most of my time reading and sleeping," she said.
"I'm sure you need a lot of rest to help you recover physically," Torey said. "For now, let's plan on Sundays, but Severus can send me an owl if you need to change, and as you get back on your feet we can discuss moving back to my office on Saturdays."
"Okay, thank you for coming all the way out here. I appreciate it," Rachel said. She was glad to see Torey, even though it was sometimes uncomfortable.
Torey smiled. "Maybe later on you can show me around the school and tell me about it, if you want to."
"Definitely. I'll show you a room that is full of magic. Once I can get up the stairs," Rachel promised.
"I'll look forward to it. I'm going to go ask Madam Pomfrey if I can borrow her floo powder. Feel free to send me an owl if something urgent comes up and you need me sooner than next Sunday," Torey said as she got to her feet.
"Thanks, I'll see you in a week," she said, settling down into the pillows that Severus had conjured for her. She had been hoping to stay awake so that she and Severus could go back home, but maybe if she just put her head down for a little bit she would feel better. For some reason, even just sitting and talking was exhausting.
Getting up and ready in the morning took a fair amount of effort, but at least now she could do most of it on her own. She had left a dress on the desk chair, which she had placed next to her bed, so she was able to dress herself while she was still in bed. She used her fingers to tidy her hair and then pulled it back with her hair tie. She put on a pair of socks that only came just above her ankles - eventually she would have to see how her long stockings felt against her wounds, but she figured that could wait until all of the scabs were gone.
From there she eased herself into the charmed chair that they had borrowed from the hospital wing. She was still getting used to it, she'd only had it for a few days, but she much preferred it to Severus carrying her. The chair had a wood frame and a woven seat and back, and a wooden footrest. On the right arm there were rune markings, and if she channeled a little magic through her wand at them, the chair could move forward, back, left and right, and then turn left and right. There were handles at the back so that she could be pushed, but she much preferred moving on her own. The chair hovered about four inches above the ground, and she could use it to go up and down the stairs, which was probably the scariest part.
Once she was settled in the chair, she pulled a spare blanket over her lap so she wouldn't have to ask Severus to conjure one for her later. Since she now had freedom of movement, she left everything but her wand in her bedroom, and carefully navigated the chair into the bathroom. She couldn't see more than the top of her head in the bathroom mirror from this height, but she washed her face, patted down a few stray curls, and then brought herself to the top of the staircase. She always felt like she was going to fall doing this, though Severus had assured her the chairs were made to do this, and she slowly hovered on an incline down the stairs.
Exhaling in relief when she made it to the ground floor, Rachel went into the kitchen. Severus had set aside one of the chairs so that she could remain in her hover chair at the dining table.
"Did you sleep well?" Severus asked as he put down the newspaper.
"Yes, same as ever," she said. She had slept about twelve hours, and she knew she'd have at least two naps during the day, but she was slowly starting to sleep less.
"You have a letter, I believe it's your OWL scores," he said, pushing an envelope across the table to her.
Rachel stared at it. "Already?"
"Yes, it's the last week in July and that's usually when OWL and NEWT scores are sent out," Severus said, watching her closely. "I have said this to you many times, but I will say it as often as you need to hear it. Whatever your scores are, I will be proud of you. My caring for you is not contingent on you performing well in school."
"I just want to do well," she said, still watching the letter like it might spring up and bite her. What if she had failed something? What if she hadn't gotten into Severus' NEWT class?
"You do very well. Whatever your scores are, they aren't going to change by you not opening the letter. I generally believe that knowledge is better than ignorance."
She looked up at him. "Do you already know what my scores are? Do they send them to teachers first?"
"They do send them to the school first, but I haven't received the OWL and NEWT scores for the House or my class yet. I imagine Albus or Minerva will send them on to me when they get a moment so that I can put together the schedules for the sixth years," he said.
"What if I don't get into your class?" That was the one that was really worrying her.
"Then, as I've told you before, I will tutor you privately. You'll still be able to take the NEWT exam."
"Won't you be disappointed in me?" she pressed.
"No. One exam is not reflective of your entire potions education. I know your skills because I've watched you brew for five years and I know you're prepared for NEWT material. People do poorly on exams for all sorts of reasons, it does not mean they are not intelligent or hard working. I usually spend the two weeks before OWL and NEWT exams supplying the hospital wing with Calming Draughts because some students are that anxious about it, and that in turn affects their scores," he explained.
Rachel considered that. She had been worried about the exams, but not so much so that she'd had an anxiety attack. That was pretty good. She took a deep breath and pulled up the wax seal on the envelope and with shaking hands she pulled out the letter from inside the envelope. She nodded to herself slowly as she looked over her results. Eight Outstandings, two Exceeds Expectations, in History and Astronomy. "It's not bad," she said finally. Not perfect, but not bad either.
"May I see?" Severus said.
She handed over the letter and reminded herself that was probably about what she could expect, considering how she'd felt after each exam. Not bad.
"You did very well, congratulations," Severus said.
"It's okay?" she asked.
"Yes, your OWL scores are better than mine were. And even if they weren't, you still did well, Rachel. These are very good scores, I wouldn't be surprised if you were in the top five of your year," he said, passing her back the letter. "Do you feel up to eggs and toast?"
She thought for a moment and checked in with her stomach. It didn't feel too bad. "I'll try eggs and toast. One egg and one piece of toast though, I don't want to waste food."
"And tea?" Severus asked as he stood up.
"Sure. I wish I could help you cook," she said, feeling a little guilty about how much Severus had been doing for her the past month.
"Don't worry about it. I'd rather you wait until you can stand steadily before you use the stove or brew at a cauldron," he said, taking the eggs out of the fridge.
"What if that never happens?" she asked.
"I think that's unlikely, but in the event that you can't stand steadily, I will lower a section of the workstation downstairs so that you can brew. As for the stove, we will work something out," he said. "Scrambled?"
"Yes, please," she said.
She looked at her OWL scores again while she waited for breakfast. It wasn't terrible. She hadn't really expected to get all Outstandings. And Severus had said her scores were good, though she somewhat suspected he might have felt he had to say that no matter what her scores were. She could live with this, and she'd gotten Outstandings in all of the classes she was going to keep. That was the important part.
"Anything I should know about in the paper?" she asked when Severus came back to the table with their breakfasts.
"No. The Wizengamot is still dragging its feet, the rest is baseless speculation," Severus said dismissively.
"You'd tell me if there was something important?" she asked.
"Yes, though I'd rather you focus on resting and healing. For right now, the war is beyond our reach."
Rachel wondered a little how Severus felt going from being the Order's most important source of information to her caretaker, but it was one of the many questions she would never ask him. She managed to eat most of her food before she pushed her plate away.
"We'll try one of your drinks in a few hours," Severus said, looking at her plate. "You haven't started to gain back the weight you've lost yet."
She looked down, examining her arms and legs. She didn't think she looked that bad, but she was definitely thinner than she had been a year or two ago. "Okay. Maybe the blueberry one this time. I'm going to go say hello to my friends." If everyone had received their OWL results at the same time, she was sure they were talking about it in their two-way books. While she wasn't quite eager to share her results, she was curious as to how her friends had done.
"That's fine. You have your bell in case you need anything?" he asked.
"Right here," she said. He insisted that she keep it with her whenever she was in the chair in case she fell. She directed her chair away and back up the stairs to where she'd left her two-way book on her desk.
Flipping to where the conversation had left off last night, she found new messages waiting for her.
'Did everyone get their OWL scores?' Hermione had written with slightly splattered letters.
'Just now. How did everyone do?' Theo had written back.
'You first,' Hermione had written.
There was a splotch of ink and then words began to appear. 'Nine Outstandings, one Exceeds Expectations in History. Now you, Hermione.'
'Ten Outstandings. Is anyone else around right now?' Hermione wrote.
'Well done, both of you. Eight Outstandings, two Exceeds Expectations in History and Astronomy,' Rachel wrote.
'My parents were thrilled. Six Outstandings, four Exceeds Expectations,' appeared in Millie's handwriting.
'Same here. I think my Gran was shocked,' Neville wrote.
'We all did so well. Our studying really paid off! Well done everyone!' Hermione wrote, the words larger than usual.
'Yes, well done, though we definitely over-studied. Did everyone get into the classes they wanted?' Theo wrote.
'I did, though I should tell you, I'm dropping Ancient Runes. I don't want to take seven classes and that's one of the ones I struggle the most with and I need Arithmancy for a Charms specialty,' Millie wrote.
'And I'm dropping Arithmancy. I think I'm going to need all my focus for passing Potions and Transfiguration,' Neville wrote.
'That's fine. No one should be taking classes they don't want to take or that aren't useful for them,' Theo replied.
There was a longer pause before Hermione began to write. 'Yes, of course. And I'm sure you'll both pick up whatever you need in the subject from our study sessions.'
Rachel shook her head. Hermione couldn't fathom not trying to learn everything possible.
'Well, I have to go, we're going on a tour of historical Madrid. Congratulations again everyone. I hope you all have a good day,' Hermione added to her last note.
'Good luck, I hope you have fun,' Rachel wrote. She looked around her room and tried to decide what she was going to do today. She was close to finishing Les Miserables, so maybe she'd take herself outside and read in the shade. Looking at where her broomstick was propped up against the side of her wardrobe, she sighed. Maybe she'd have Severus help her practice standing and walking again. She wasn't sure if it was a practice thing or something where she just needed more time for the Nerve Tonic to fix whatever was wrong with her body.
Collecting her book and her Walkman, Rachel sent her chair back toward her door, ready to have a slow and probably boring day.
Severus carried her into the sitting room at Grimmauld Place. "Same chair as last time?" he asked.
"Yes, please," she said, spotting Draco in another armchair nearby. Apparating with the charmed chair was kind of a pain and she wasn't planning on going anywhere in Grimmauld Place anyway.
Kreacher appeared with a pop and immediately placed a blanket over her lap. "Tea for Miss?"
"No, thank you Kreacher. You really don't have to wait on me," she said quickly. She didn't know what in her interactions with Kreacher had convinced him that she wanted him to do this.
"Food for Miss? Kreacher can cook," he asked.
"I'm not hungry, but thank you. How are you?" she asked.
"Kreacher is Kreacher." He disappeared with another pop.
"That Elf needs its head checked," Sirius said from the doorway.
"He's fine. I don't know why he thinks he's supposed to take care of me." He hadn't done that last year.
"He was pretty upset when he'd heard that you'd been taken. Whatever you've done with him, it's clearly had an impact, though I'm not sure if it's for the better," Sirius said, coming further inside with Remus right behind him.
Rachel wasn't sure if it was for the better either.
"If you're comfortable here, I'm going to go check on the cellar," Severus said.
"That's fine, thank you," she said, recognizing that Severus wanted to leave. "Kreacher is still getting food? He's helping when he wants to?" she asked Sirius.
"We feed him, we're not cruel enough to deny anyone food, Rachel," Remus said. "We've been letting him help in the attic, he's quite useful there. We're not ready to trust him in the kitchen just yet, but he keeps the rest of the rooms clean."
Rachel frowned. It sounded like Kreacher was doing a lot of work. "Just because he wants to, right?"
"Yes, we don't ask him to do anything. He wanted things to do and we gave him options that seemed safe," Remus said, sitting down on the sofa. "How are you?"
"Fine," she said.
Sirius raised his eyebrows at her. "Fine?"
"Yes. I'm getting better." She didn't particularly care to elaborate beyond that.
"Fair enough," Sirius said. "We got you a few cassettes, Remus and I went out to the record shop yesterday to see what we could find. We marked the songs on the liners with a dot for the ones that we remember that James particularly liked."
"Thank you," she said, accepting the bag that Sirius passed her. "I really appreciate it. I like hearing about them from you and knowing what they were like."
"Of course. We want to help keep you connected to them, they are your family," Remus said.
She pulled one of the cassettes out and began looking at it. Goodbye Yellow Brick Road by Elton John had almost all of the songs listed with dots by them. "He really liked this one?"
"He did," Sirius said. "There's another Elton John one in there as well."
"What is it?" Draco asked, moving closer.
Rachel opened the plastic case and pulled out the cassette. "It's a cassette. It holds music on it, just like a record. Well, I mean, not quite like a record, it works differently. But if you put it in a cassette player or a Walkman, it will play the music that is recorded on it. Come sit with me in the Quidditch stands some time and I'll let you listen to my Walkman," she offered, holding out the cassette so he could see it better.
Draco turned the plastic cassette over in his hands, looking at it closely. "I know how records work, the grooves hold the sound and then the needle reads the grooves and changes them to sounds. How does this work? Where is it holding the music?"
"I don't know exactly how it works, but the thin black tape inside is what holds the music, and as the tape runs through the piece inside the cassette player, that's what makes the sounds. There are also video cassettes that hold video on them, like the way the Omnioculars have playback of what they record," she explained.
He passed the cassette back to her. "Just how much is there of this stuff anyway?"
"A lot. We should go into muggle London some time and we can go to a music shop and you'll see. I can take you to a muggle bookstore too. Or, I have some muggle books that you can borrow if you want," she asked, thinking that might be a good way to introduce him to some muggle concepts.
"I don't think I'm quite that bored yet," he said, settling back into his chair.
"There's still six more weeks of summer, I'd take her up on that offer if I was you," Sirius said as he got to his feet. "We've got a fair portion of the Order coming through, but everyone knows to come to the kitchen, so they shouldn't bother you. Are you two alright here for now?"
"We're fine. Thank you so much for the cassettes." She was looking forward to listening to them as soon as she could.
Before they could leave a fair number of the Weasleys entered the room.
"Rachel!" Ginny called.
"Hi," she called back, waving. She was glad she was wearing her Hogwarts robes to cover her arms, and the blanket was covering her legs.
Upon seeing the twins she remembered the promise that she'd made them. "Fred and George, may I present to you Padfoot and Moony."
Fred grinned. "I figured it had to be you two once she said that you were at Headquarters."
"May we introduce ourselves, George and Fred Weasley of Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes," George said, making a joking bow.
"Nice to meet our spiritual successors," Sirius said with a grin. "We were told about the prank on Dumbledore, very nice."
"Advertising mostly, some of our best work we were never known for," Fred said, semi-modestly.
"Such is the life of a prankster," Sirius said. "Come and tell us about your products."
"Please do, we've heard a number of interesting things," Remus said. "For example, I'm told you make apparel with Shield charms woven in."
Rachel smiled as the twins eagerly started telling them about their products on the way out of the room.
"At least someone appreciates what they're doing. Mom's still trying to get them to go to the Ministry," Ron said as he sat on the sofa, shooting Draco a wary glance.
"They'll be moving out before long if it keeps up," Ginny said as she sat down across from Rachel. "How are you?"
"I'm alright. Still working on walking, but everything else is good," she said with a shrug.
"How did your OWLs turn out?" Draco asked.
"Not bad. Eight Outstandings, two Exceeds Expectations in History and Astronomy. You?" she asked.
"Three Outstandings, including Potions, Transfiguration, and Charms, five Exceeds Expectations, and an Acceptable in History because I simply didn't care," Draco said.
"I think I cared a little less than you then, I got a Dreadful on the History exam," Ron said nonchalantly. "Seven OWLs though, mom was pleased."
Rachel stared at him. A Dreadful? The only worse grade than that was Troll, and she hadn't heard of anyone ever getting a Troll grade on an exam.
"Did you even do any of the History essays?" Draco asked.
"No. Honestly I slept through most of that class. Doesn't really matter. Practically nothing needs an OWL or NEWT in History," Ron admitted.
That was true enough. "There weren't even any NEWT students taking the History exam. I don't think Professor Binns teaches a NEWT class. Can't say I'm sorry to drop the class though," she said.
"I can't wait until I can drop the class. I have a year left of that," Ginny complained.
"At least you have Hermione's notes so you don't have to pay attention in class," Rachel said. "What NEWT classes are you both taking?"
"Potions, of course. Herbology, Transfiguration, Ancient Runes, Charms, and Defense," Draco listed.
"Charms, Transfiguration, Herbology, and Defense for me," Ron said. "No offense intended to Professor Snape, but I'm glad I didn't make it into his NEWT class."
"Why?" Rachel asked.
"My essays always come back with cross outs and comments. I don't think I've ever got above an Acceptable on an essay in his class. The potions brewing itself isn't bad, but I'll pass on the homework," he said.
Rachel shrugged slightly. "Potions is very exacting. It's not just following instructions, you need to know why you're doing what you're doing. And Severus says that there's not really a point in taking his NEWT class unless you're going into Potions for a career or if you need it for an adjacent career."
She looked up at a noise in the hallway and was surprised by seeing Cedric in the doorway. "Cedric!"
"Rachel?" Cedric asked, stepping into the room, Heidi and Roland following him. "I'm going to assume this isn't the junior Order?"
"Not quite, we're just here while our parents are in the meeting. We're not allowed to know what's going on," Ginny said.
"That's a relief," Heidi said as she looked over them. "You're doing alright now, Rachel?"
"Yes, much better, thank you," she said.
"Good," Roland said with a nod. "We were all worried about you."
"We were," Cedric agreed.
"Is Martin safe?" Rachel asked.
"He is, we got him and his family settled two weeks ago. I'm now in the Auror Training Program and Heidi and Roland are about to start their masteries. We all wanted to join the Order, and I know Martin wishes he was here as well," Cedric said.
Rachel nodded. "Congratulations on making the Auror Training Program."
"Thanks. It's only my first week but it's pretty intense. We should probably go, we don't want to be the last ones in there, but we'll say hello another time," Cedric said with a smile.
"Good to see you," Ron said.
"Yes, it's very good to see you," Rachel echoed.
"How much of the DA joined the Order?" Draco asked after they had left.
"As far as I know, just the twins and Cedric, Heidi, and Roland," Rachel said. "Why?"
"Just curious if the DA was supposed to feed into the Order. It would make sense," he said.
"It would make sense. That's not a bad idea," Ron said.
"I think Professor Dumbledore would have some problems with that," Rachel said quickly.
"Why would he?" Ginny asked. "We're training and it's better than just random people out there without training trying to fight Death Eaters."
"We are nowhere near equipped to fight Death Eaters," Rachel insisted, trying to keep her voice steady.
"She's right, we're not. But we're moving in the right direction. Maybe you should talk with Dumbledore and suggest that people who finish with the DA in their seventh year be given the option of joining the Order, if they want to," Draco suggested.
"I still need to talk to Severus about the DA before I try to talk to anyone else about it," she said, pausing at the sound of more voices in the hallway. The people in the hallway continued on without peering into the sitting room. "Maybe we should close that door."
"I've got it," Ginny said as she stood up.
"At least think about it. It doesn't hurt anything to ask Dumbledore," Draco said when the door was closed.
"Maybe," Rachel allowed. "What do we want to do?"
"Chess? There's a set over there," Ron suggested.
Rachel knew from Ginny that Ron was somewhat of a chess prodigy and quickly shook her head.
"I'll play you," Draco said, getting to his feet.
"You're on," Ron said eagerly.
Ginny shook her head and moved so that she was sitting closer to Rachel. "How have things been for you this summer?"
"Quiet. I've been doing a lot of reading. I'm about halfway through the summer homework. How about for you?" she asked.
"Pretty boring. We do chores around the house. We fly in the backyard in the afternoons. I'm almost all the way through Les Miserables and I think Hermione is insane that she chose this for us to read together. Couldn't she have picked something happy?" Ginny asked, though she was smiling.
"It wasn't too bad. Kept me occupied at least. Next summer we'll vote on our reading selection. Come sit with me in the Quidditch stands at school and I'll let you listen to the soundtrack," Rachel said.
"Is the soundtrack as depressing as the book?" The crinkle near Ginny's eyes said she was still amused.
"Well, it's not nearly as long. It has a few sad songs, but there are also some fun songs. The way they introduce the Thenardiers is pretty funny. It's worth listening to. Hermione's talking about all of us going to see a show at some point," Rachel said, though she assumed Ginny would have seen that in their two-books as well.
"At some point. Not until it's safe though. Probably after the war," Ginny said, nodding to herself.
"Probably," Rachel agreed. She couldn't see Severus letting her loose in muggle London the way things were right now.
"What do you think they're talking about in the meeting?" Ginny asked.
"I don't know. Maybe there's been a development, or maybe they're just checking in with everyone. I'm sure they all have assignments and people they're watching." They could be talking about a lot of things. She hoped she wasn't one of the topics of conversation.
"Will you let us know, if you hear something?" Ginny asked, her expression now somber.
"If I can. We have to be careful with our books because someone else might get into them somehow, but I'll tell you what I can," Rachel promised. "Though they're not telling me very much these days. They think it will interfere with me healing."
"They're coddling you, aren't they?" she asked sympathetically.
"You have no idea." Part of her couldn't wait to go back to school so she wouldn't have someone fussing over her all the time. The larger part of her still wanted to rest at home.
"You'll get through it, I know you will. Eventually they'll realize you're your own person," Ginny said.
"I hope so." She really hoped that was true.
Severus finished checking the potions cabinet in the cellar. They should have everything they need for the next few months now that he had resupplied the Healing Salve and the Pain Reliever potions. Thankfully, thus far, injuries to the Order had been minimal. He could tell from the way that the cauldrons and implements were slightly rearranged that Draco had been brewing. Since he didn't find any new potions in the cabinet, that meant Draco was keeping whatever he was brewing for himself.
While he was curious, he decided to simply keep an eye on the situation. He wasn't ready to ask Black about what he thought of Draco's behavior, not that he trusted Black's judgment of such things anyway, but he would see for himself when they returned to Hogwarts if Draco was still struggling. Maybe he needed to ask Lupin to watch to see if there were signs that Draco was brewing and overusing Dreamless Sleep or stimulant potions. It would be better to catch the problem before it started. Or maybe he was simply reading too much into things from his own experiences.
He checked his watch and decided that it was probably safe to go up to the meeting. Albus should be arriving shortly. He used his wand to turn off the lights in the cellar and climbed back up to the ground floor. The kitchen was crowded with Order members and Severus made his way to his usual spot against the rear wall. He noticed the large and detailed map of Britain, which undoubtedly meant that Black and Lupin had gotten the locator and message jewelry working for the Order.
It was hypocritical, but he was concerned about the newest recruits to the Order. All five of them were eighteen and had just finished at Hogwarts. He knew they were all capable witches and wizards, as he'd had all five in his NEWT potions class. And yet they felt too young, too vulnerable. Severus wasn't sure how he would handle watching students he had taught die at the hands of the Death Eaters because they had volunteered to fight.
Severus himself had been eighteen when he'd joined the Death Eaters, and he knew Lily, James, Black, and Lupin had all joined the Order directly out of Hogwarts, along with a handful of their classmates. And they were far from the only young people who had fought in the war. Now though, in retrospect, Severus could remember how it felt to be that young, to think he was an adult who was ready to take on the world, and how unprepared he really had been. He did not want anyone repeating his mistakes.
"Tea?" Arthur asked, approaching with two cups of tea.
"Thank you," Severus said, accepting the proffered cup. The Weasley family was a powerful alliance for Rachel and he would not rebuff them.
Arthur looked around the room. "Not sure how I feel about having the twins here. Molly was having kittens. She wanted them safely tucked away in the Ministry and that just isn't going to happen."
Severus nodded. As bad as it was watching his students prepare for war, he could only imagine it as a parent. Arthur now had three children at the front lines and Severus would be surprised if the younger two didn't follow as well. "Unfortunately I'm not certain if there is a safe place right now, let alone in the Ministry."
"I'm afraid so. May I ask how Rachel is doing? I know Ginny and Ron have been worried. Ginny said Rachel had been rather badly injured," Arthur asked.
"Her wounds were serious, but she seems to be slowly recovering. She can't stand or walk just yet, but we're working on it," Severus explained, wishing to leave out as much detail as possible.
"I'm glad she's recovering, I'm sure it's been difficult on you both. I know you're acting as her sole caretaker right now, but if you'd like a few hours break, you're welcome to bring her by the Burrow. I know Ginny and Ron would be happy to spend time with her and Molly is intent on mothering your child if she gets the opportunity," Arthur said with a small smile.
Severus thought Rachel would probably appreciate it if he saved her from Molly's ministrations. "Thank you for the offer. Right now Rachel isn't very mobile and she still requires a great deal of rest. Perhaps when she's doing better."
"Of course, when she's ready. I know Ginny is planning her birthday party in a little over two weeks, we hope that Rachel can make it, you as well," Arthur said.
"I'm certain Rachel will wish to go and we'll be there if it's at all possible." Severus said, glancing over the room as it grew quieter. Albus had arrived.
Albus moved so that he was standing by the fireplace and was well illuminated. "Thank you everyone for joining us. And thank you as well, to our new members, we're happy to have you here. In particular, congratulations are in order to Mr. Cedric Diggory, who has just been accepted into the Auror Training Program."
There was a round of applause and Cedric looked both pleased and mildly embarrassed.
"As some of you know, there was an attack on Wizengamot member Dolph Jenkins' home last night. There were no casualties or injuries. The wards held long enough for the MLE to arrive, thanks to Bill's work," Albus said, nodding to Bill Weasley.
Bill nodded back and Severus noticed that Arthur was flush with pride for his son's work.
"I spoke with Dolph this morning and fortunately the attack has strengthened his convictions. I think we can consider him safe from bribes and Death Eater influence," Albus continued. "Kingsley has a report on the attack itself."
Shackbolt stepped forward. "I was on the team that responded to floo call from Jenkin's home. Three aurors joined me and we found five Death Eaters in robes and masks. One was attempting to bring down the wards, the others were guarding him. There was a short exchange of spell fire, all non-lethal spells, even from the Death Eaters, and then they apparated away. This is the third such attack we've seen in the past month, all of them aimed at Wizengamot members or their families, all aligned with Albus' faction in the Wizengamot. We believe these attacks are tests to gauge auror response times. Eventually they're going to stop testing and start attacking for real, with more than just a handful of Death Eaters."
"How sure are we that they aren't attacking muggles and we're just not seeing reports of it?" Hestia asked.
"We're watching the muggle newspapers, which is about the best we can do as far as that goes. So far there haven't been any reports of mysterious deaths, so if the Death Eaters are killing muggles, they're probably not using the Killing Curse to do it," Sturgis said from where he was sitting at the table.
"It doesn't completely preclude the possibility that it's happening, but we are watching for it," Emmaline added.
"Where are we at on warning the muggleborn families?" Elphias asked.
"I have Minerva speaking to our incoming muggleborns and their families. Thus far two of the families have elected for their children not to attend Hogwarts. Our plan is to have our Heads of Houses speak with the muggleborn students once they return to school and offer to accompany them to have conversations with their families. We've also begun sending letters to former students who are muggleborn, urging them to seek protection for themselves and their families. I suspect we will be putting up a lot of wards over the next few months," Albus said, nodding again to Bill.
"What about the Wizengamot? Any progress there?" Tonks asked, her hair flashing red before returning to pink.
"Not a lot," Black said as he stood. "Beyond the initial measures that have been taken, we're about at a stalemate. Neither faction has enough votes to push anything through. I expect that will change as the death toll begins to climb."
Severus frowned at the casual way Black referred to people dying. He was probably correct though. Once people started dying - purebloods and well connected half-bloods at least - the Wizengamot would change its tune.
"Unfortunately that is probably so," Albus said. "We have an updated list of suspected Death Eaters for each of you. This has already been passed on to the aurors and the MLE, though we did not reveal our source. This also confirms that Wizengamot member Alfred Selwyn is indeed a Death Eater."
"The Selwyns, who would have thought," Molly said, shaking her head.
Draco had given Severus the list two days ago. It was mostly people he had suspected, but there were a few surprises. Alfred Selwyn was one, though they had known there was at least one of the Selwyns were Death Eaters. It also confirmed that Alice Jugson and Thomas Rowle, two of his former Slytherins, had joined as well.
"That makes four known Death Eaters on the Wizengamot now Malfoy is gone. Selwyn, Rowle, Baddock, and Gifford," Lupin said.
"Any news about Malfoy?" Arthur asked, sounding tense.
"Nothing. We've searched the Manor, found a number of Dark artifacts there, but no sign of Malfoy or his wife. Presumably they're tucked away with the Azkaban escapees," Shacklebolt said.
"Their influence was still a loss to the Death Eaters, now that Fudge isn't in Malfoy's pocket," Moody said, his tone a touch bitter.
"Their son is being well hidden?" Emmaline asked.
"We've got Draco here. He's my first cousin once removed," Black said.
"As long as he's being watched," Hestia said.
Albus looked around the room. "You've all been given your assignments and you know how to send information. Thanks to Sirius and Remus, you have all been issued locator and message jewelry, which should let us know where you are if you need assistance and can't send a Patronus. Thank you for your time."
Severus made his way across the room and cast a privacy ward around himself and Albus. "Has progress been made on finding a specialist in curse damage for Rachel?"
"Yes. Luka Weber is one of the foremost specialists in curse damage in Western Europe. I received an answer to my letter to him yesterday, and he indicated he would be able to be in Britain on the first of August. I volunteered the hospital wing as being an effective safe ground," Albus said.
"Thank you," Severus said. That was fortunately less than a week away. Hopefully Weber would be able to help Rachel.
"How is she?" Albus asked.
"Close to the same. We're working on standing and walking, but it is going slowly. She may simply not be recovered enough for it to be possible right now," he summarized.
Albus nodded once, his expression thoughtful. "And her mental state?"
"Withdrawn, but managing. Borrowing the charmed chair was helpful, she appreciates being able to do things for herself." Severus didn't think Albus needed to know how fragile Rachel was right now, at least not yet. She needed more time to recover first.
"Good, I imagine she is struggling with her sudden lack of independence at an age when all children wish to be as independent as possible. Please let me know if there is anything she needs. I have a new phoenix pendant for you to give to her," Albus said, reaching into his robes and producing a small but detailed gold phoenix on a thin gold chain.
"Thank you," Severus said again. "We both appreciate this."
"I could do nothing less. She must be guarded. Anything else?" Albus asked.
"No, I'll speak with you again soon." He ended the privacy ward and stepped away, recognizing that other people in the Order needed to speak with Albus as well.
He left the kitchen and found the sitting room door shut. He imagined they had wished for privacy from the Order. Opening the door, he found Draco and Ron busy over a chess board, both with looks of intense focus. Ginny was perched on the footstool next to Rachel's feet and she and Rachel seemed to be deep in conversation. Rachel looked tired.
"Did the meeting go alright?" Rachel asked as he approached.
"Yes, it was fine. Are you ready to go home?" he asked.
"Sure, if you're ready," she slid the blanket off her lap, but he noticed that she pulled her legs down quickly as if she was hiding their appearance from her friends. "I'll see all of you soon."
"At the very latest, at my birthday party," Ginny said.
"Definitely," Rachel said, wrapping an arm above Severus' shoulder as he picked her up.
He took her out the front door and then they apparated home. "Do you want to go onto the sofa or to your chair?" he asked.
"Chair, please," she said. "I can't wait until I can walk. It's embarrassing to be carried in front of my friends."
"I'm sure they understand. Albus has arranged for you to see a curse damage specialist next week. Hopefully he will be able to speed the healing process for you." He set Rachel down into her charmed chair.
She smiled. "Thank you."
"Oh, and Albus gave me this to give you to you," he said, pulling the phoenix pendant out of his robe pocket and handing it to her.
"I actually feel better having this. I know it didn't help last time, but after seeing how quickly Professor Dumbledore got to me when I was under the Imperius curse, I'm really glad to have it," she said as she put the necklace on.
"I am glad as well. Albus is a powerful protector. What are your plans for this afternoon?"
"Going to go check my two-way book and then maybe take a nap," she said, angling her chair toward the staircase.
"Will you eat once you wake up?" He felt he needed to keep pressing her to eat or she simply wouldn't.
"Yes, that's fine," she called as she started up the staircase.
Severus shook his head to himself. Some things never changed.
The man writhed on the ground, his screams sharp and piercing. Four more men in hoods and masks stood around him, watching quietly.
The wand lowered out of sight. "Has your answer changed?"
The man on the ground was sobbing and gasping. "Never," he managed to say, spit running down his chin.
"Very well. As you wish." The wand raised again and an emerald green light hit the man on the ground and he fell still and silent. "Dispose of the body."
She woke, aware that she was screaming. She could feel it. She could feel the Cruciatus curse being cast again and again.
"Rachel, you're awake now, look at me, you're safe," Severus said, holding onto her upper arms as she thrashed.
"No," she gasped. She could feel that her face was wet with tears and that her nose was running. She wanted it to stop.
"You're safe, you're at home, it's just me," he said. "Take a few breaths. You can do it."
She shook her head, trying to get a breath through her sobs. "They murdered him. They murdered Professor Podmore."
Severus' grip went tight for a moment before he remembered himself. "You're okay. Keep trying to slow down your breathing." He let go and drew his wand. His Patronus appeared a moment later. "To Sturgis Podmore. Emergency, let me know where you are. The phoenix sings."
The silvery doe stood still as if she didn't understand the message.
"That means he's dead, doesn't it?" Rachel asked, sitting up and moving so that she was holding her pounding head in her hands and could discreetly wipe her face.
"Yes, it does," Severus said. He was quiet for a moment before he cast his Patronus again. "To Sirius Black. Initiate full Order roll call. We believe Sturgis was murdered tonight."
Thankfully his doe bounded away that time.
"You're shaking," Severus said. "From cold or from pain?"
"Both," she said. She was freezing, her scar was burning, and her headache was trying to turn her brain into mush.
He cast a warming charm on her blankets. "Are you alright for a moment while I fetch you a potion?"
"Yes." She waited until he was out the door before she used her sheet to dry her face. She hated crying. Whenever she cried she felt like her aunt was going to reach down and slap her again. Rachel had learned not to cry about very much at an early age.
Severus came back and sat down on the chair next to her bed. "Headache Easing Draught, you've already had a Pain Relieving Potion in the past twelve hours," he said as he carefully handed her an open vial.
Rachel swallowed it quickly. It didn't help as much as a Pain Relieving Potion, but once it started working she could at least open her eyes without wanting to wince at the light from her lamp.
"May I look at your scar?"
She brushed her loose hair away from her face and found that her fingers were slightly damp. She held them out in the lamplight. Blood. "It's bleeding again. Any ideas why?"
"Not at the moment," Severus said, leaning in to look at her forehead and then applying Healing Salve to the scar. "Similarities between visions, perhaps? A particular spell used?"
"The Cruciatus curse was used both in this vision and the last one, but he used the Killing Curse in this one too. And he's used both of them in other visions and this didn't happen," she said, rubbing at her forehead, careful to avoid her scar.
"I don't know then."
"Why do you think he hasn't sent any visions for a month? We know he can make false visions." She wished this had been a false vision. Poor Professor Podmore. He had been so nice and a good Defense professor too.
"I don't know that either. If I had to guess, I'd say he's not in control of when the real visions are sent. I can't fathom a reason why he'd purposefully show you some of the things that these visions have revealed. As for the false visions, perhaps it is difficult to make them or he can only send them under certain circumstances. I truly wish we knew more, but for now we'll just have to gather information and make informed guesses."
"Did Professor Dumbledore put the warding he talked about on our home?" she asked, vaguely remembering that Severus had said that he was going to.
"He did. I think we can assume that was a failed experiment. I will let him know and we will try something else," Severus said.
"Is there anything else we can do?" She wanted the visions to stop. She never wanted to see anyone tortured again. She wasn't sure she could bear it.
"Albus might have some ideas. Outside of occlumency, I'm afraid that this is far outside my specialization." Severus sounded regretful.
She turned to look at him. "Was this the curse on the Defense position? Just from him being our teacher for seven weeks?"
"No. Sturgis is…was a muggleborn and he had publicly allied himself with Albus and held the Defense position. The Dark Lord certainly does not want someone competent in the Defense position. But no, this wasn't the curse, Sturgis was a target," he said.
"Did you know him well?" she asked, uncertain if she even should ask.
"Not very well. He was in the Order in the last war, just out of school like many of us. He was a few years behind me in school, a Hufflepuff. Albus was close to him; they remained friends after the war," Severus explained.
Rachel nodded. "Can we go downstairs? I don't want to stay in bed."
"Yes. Do you want me to carry you or do you want me to place you in your chair?" he asked.
"Could you carry me? My hands are shaking pretty bad right now and I'm not sure how well I'll manage the controls." She didn't like being carried, but she also did not want to fall down the stairs in the middle of the night. She grabbed her pillow bunny before Severus could pick her up.
"Your whole body is trembling. Are you still in a great deal of pain?" he asked as he situated her in his arms.
"No. I just. I think I'm cold," she settled for. She didn't know how to explain that when she'd woken it had felt like she was back under the Cruciatus curse. She was pretty sure that's why she was shaking.
She leaned against Severus as he maneuvered her out through the doorway and down the stairs. Once she was on the sofa, he immediately conjured two blankets, wrapped her in them, and then cast warming charms on them.
"Your feet are bare, do you want socks?" he asked as he looked her over.
"No, I'm okay," she said, leaning against the pillows that were already there. She didn't think she was about to go to sleep. She didn't want to go back to sleep.
Severus sat down in his armchair just in time for a silvery dog Patronus to come trotting into the room. "Everyone is answering and saying they're safe. Should we send people out to check Sturgis' house?"
He cast his own Patronus. "To Sirius Black. No, we'll wait until daylight before we send a team, in case this is a planned ambush. I'll inform Albus."
"Do you think his wards fell?" she asked.
"I don't know. Either that or he was captured out of the wards. It's simple enough to stun someone and apparate away with them," he said.
Rachel knew that all too well. And Goyle hadn't even needed to stun her first. She shuddered and tried to push that thought away. It seemed quite possible that she wouldn't be allowed outside of a warded area for the rest of the war.
"To Albus Dumbledore. I need to speak with you in person at your earliest convenience."
She watched as Severus' Patronus hurried away. "This is just going to keep happening. He's just going to keep killing people."
"We are working to stop him and the Death Eaters," Severus said.
"Do you think the prophecy means, if I die, do you think it means someone else will be able to kill the Dark Lord?" she asked. She'd been wondering that for a while. It just said that they had to fight to the death, it didn't say whoever won couldn't be killed.
"Nothing will be gained by your death, Rachel. You are the one who can kill him," he said levely.
She shook her head. Anyone who thought she could kill the Dark Lord was delusional. Sitting for a moment, she identified another emotion, one that wasn't coming from her. She was feeling fear and anxiety, this was different. "The Dark Lord is frustrated."
"You can feel it?" Severus asked.
"Yes. This didn't go as he wanted. He wanted information."
"What information?" he asked.
She tilted her head back as she tried to think. "He wanted names. He wanted to know where people were."
Severus was quiet for a moment. "Do you know how much Sturgis told them?"
"He didn't. They tortured him and he screamed. But when they stopped and asked, he wouldn't tell them." She remembered that part clearly and it was impressive. If the Death Eaters had been asking her questions while they'd hurt her, she would have told them anything, even the prophecy.
A knock on the door startled Rachel so hard that she yelped and nearly fell off the sofa.
"It's okay, I think it's Albus," Severus said, drawing his wand as he stood.
She nodded and took a steadying breath. She'd known that. She just hadn't expected him so soon.
"What did I tell you on the fifteenth of May in 1980?" Severus asked, only holding the door part way open.
"You told me 'never again'," came Professor Dumbledore's voice.
Severus opened the door further. "Please, come in. I'm sorry for summoning you at this time of night."
Professor Dumbledore entered, his gaze immediately going to Rachel. "Are you well?" he asked her.
"I had a vision," she told him, rather than trying to answer what was a surprisingly complicated question.
"Sit, Albus," Severus said, motioning to his armchair before taking a seat at Rachel's feet. "Sturgis is dead," he said once they were both seated.
Professor Dumbledore's eyes went wide and he slowly exhaled. "So soon."
"I'm afraid so. We've already checked on the rest of the Order, Black says that everyone else is accounted for," Severus explained.
He shook his head, bringing a hand up to his forehead. "Sturgis. I've known him for nearly thirty years now. He was a precocious boy. The pride of Hufflepuff in his time."
Rachel bit her lip. He almost sounded like Cedric.
"Do we have any idea what happened?" Professor Dumbledore asked.
"We're not certain how he was captured. We can send a team to his house in the daylight, in case there are traps or an ambush. He was tortured for information and was then murdered by the Killing Curse. Rachel says that he did not supply the Dark Lord with information, even under the Cruciatus curse," Severus said.
"He was very strong. When the Dark Lord asked, Professor Podmore said 'never'," Rachel said, feeling like she needed to say something that might help, even if it was just a little.
"Sturgis was strong, in his heart and in his mind. He will be sorely missed," Professor Dumbledore said. "You saw all of this, Rachel?"
"Most of it. It took maybe ten minutes," she guessed.
"She was screaming for about seven of that before she woke," Severus said. "Would you like tea?"
"If it's not too much trouble," Professor Dumbledore said.
"Not at all," Severus got up and went into the kitchen.
They sat quietly. Rachel had questions that she wanted to ask Professor Dumbledore, but they could wait. It was clear that he was grieving.
"I haven't had much opportunity to speak with you this past little while. Severus says that you are recovering in body, mind, and spirit," Professor Dumbledore said after a few minutes of quiet.
"Yes," she said, though she wasn't sure how much recovering her spirit needed to do. Maybe that was just another way of saying soul? She thought her soul was probably alright.
"When you are more comfortable, after you've seen the curse damage specialist, would you mind if I took another look at the hole in your shield?" he asked.
"We can do that at any time. I'm comfortable enough," she said. Besides, if Professor Dumbledore could help her stop these visions, she was willing to let him look at her shield as much as he wanted.
"I understand your urgency, but I would like for you to see the curse damage specialist first as one of the things he will do is make sure none of the lingering damage is interfering with your mind in a way that we can't currently detect," Professor Dumbledore said. "It's simply a precaution, just in case, but I think it's a necessary precaution."
"Oh. Should I stay out of my own mind?" she asked. She hadn't bothered with visiting her mental architecture since she'd had the last vision that had made her dizzy and had upset her manifestation.
"I don't think that is necessary. Your mind is your own space, you should do with it as you please. However, if you do visit your mental architecture and see something that is out of place, please let Severus know as soon as possible," he said.
Rachel nodded. Maybe she should go take a look and make sure things were the way she'd left them. Tomorrow, when she was more rested and awake.
"I'm sorry that you are witnessing these atrocities, Rachel. I know that it cannot be easy," he continued.
She looked away. "I really want to stop the Dark Lord from doing this to people, but I don't think I'm the right person, no matter what the prophecy says."
"Try not to worry about it for right now. Focus on your recovery. I know this has been a setback, but you will overcome it with time and care. We'll worry about the rest later," he said.
She didn't answer. She wasn't sure there was a way to convince Severus and Professor Dumbledore that she couldn't kill the Dark Lord. Then again, in the end it wouldn't matter that much what they believed.
"Here," Severus said, coming out with a tea tray. "Rachel, do you want milk and sugar in yours?"
"Both." She wasn't going to sleep so she might as well drink the tea. Her hands were shaking bad enough that some of the tea spilled over the edges of the cup and into the saucer when he handed it to her.
She set the cup on her lap, letting it warm her fingers as she cradled it.
The room was quiet as they sat with their tea at nearly one in the morning and the quiet felt both like a weight and a relief.