July 15th
Day one of my captivity at Grimmauld Place. My kidnappers, Potter and his house elf, have placed me in the room I normally would claim when required to stay at headquarters during the war. It thankfully has an attached bathroom; I refuse to share with teenagers even if I'm required to look like one. My godson gave me this journal to record my thoughts or some such rot that sounds much more like Narcissa's doing than my godson. More importantly, there is something very wrong in this house with Potter and the elf, besides their insistence on keeping perfectly healthy potion masters in captivity. I find this journal will be a welcome assistance in recording my observations and conclusions as I determine what in Merlin's name is happening to the insufferable Savior of the Wizarding World.
Observation #1: Potter saved my life then went to extraordinary lengths to see that I was actually treated by a quality healer (Additional observation: Healer Morris is one of the best and longest serving at St. Mungo's from what I gleaned from his assistants). He went as far as requiring an oath from said healer to ensure my privacy. Then, Potter inexplicably visited regularly to check in.
Conclusion #1: Potter wants something from me specifically. What this is has yet to be determined.
Observation #2: Potter is very ill and has been since at least the battle if not before; however, by his own admission did not seek medical assistance until it was forced upon him. (Additional observation: Healer Morris looked shocked and concerned by scan.) Potter claims to have died during the battle – Revisit this claim at a later date.
Conclusion #2: Potter's health is being seen to by a professional but should continue to be observed. Potter obviously cannot take care of himself and is an idiot where his own health is concerned.
Observation #3: The house elf is in charge. The elf seriously informed me after showing me to my room that he would be overseeing my meals and exercises. Potter was collected and told to rest as well.
Conclusion #3: More observation necessary…Potter is a pushover.
Observation #4: Dumbledore's bird has taken up residence in the house. He seems to prefer the kitchen. Potter is either able to understand the bird on a level with Dumbledore himself or is good at assuming what its squawks mean. Correct or not, he assumes the bird is quite insufferable and continuously begs for lemon drops.
Conclusion #4: Potter is a pushover, even for a bird. Though he refuses to give the bird lemon drops, I've seen the horrible yellow candies in the bowl occasionally where the bird is fed. It's possible Fawkes has claimed a new master. I now may have the answer as to why Dumbledore always had lemon drops on hand…
Observation #5: Potter has mentioned through his visits that he has helped with the rebuilding of Hogwarts, attended many trials (Draco claims Potter to have been influential in his freedom as well as my own), started renovations on Grimmauld, and all this while obviously being in poor health.
Conclusion #5: Not enough information…who is looking out for Potter except for the elf? Where are his insufferable friends or the Weasley clan or his own relatives?
Something is going on in this house…I will determine what it is before the end of the summer. At the very least, this is serving as a welcome distraction from my own recovery and concerns about moving forward without my normal potions.
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July 17th
As no one will ever read this journal on pain of death, I will note here, and only here, that it is possible I actually need help. After a day spent trying to care for myself, I find myself unable to leave my bed from the pain today. The elf is looking smugly at me and has said "I told you so" in at least five different ways. I do however have a new observation.
Observation #6: I have not seen Potter since yesterday, and the elf has made it clear that his master's room is off limits.
Conclusion #6: Potter must be confined to bed rest on orders from the elf. I wonder if he is allowed out of his room now that I am not…I will be seeing what is so important in his room to make it banned at the first available opportunity.
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July 22nd
I have been at Grimmauld for one week and have made several more observations. Potter and I have finally been allowed our freedom within the house after a satisfactory appointment for both of us with Healer Morris today. Potter's appointment was conducted while I was at physical therapy, so I unfortunately have nothing to report in those regards, but he did have a list of new potions for the elf to pick up.
Observation #7: Potter carries a bag with him all the time. Not just outside of the house, but he carries the bag with him in the house, when he is resting, and even into the loo. The bag is off limits and cannot be touched by orders of the elf. When asked, Potter said it is none of my business and to not touch the bag. Not wanting to start an argument so early in my residence here, I chose to not press the issue. I can feel strong magic around the bag…its contents are unknown at this time.
Conclusion #7: Potter is less of a pushover than I originally thought. He will not budge on the subject of the bag. More information is needed. I must find the bag away from Potter at some point. I am…concerned it may contain a dark artifact based on the boy's…man's inability to walk away from it. (I should probably discontinue referring to my host as a boy while we currently look about the same age.) Will attempt a scan as soon as I am off magic restriction.
Observation #8: There are no eggs in this house, and the elf will not get me any! I've become accustomed to an over-easy egg on my toast in the mornings. It was a luxury I allowed myself before the war, and it is included on my high protein diet plan assigned by the healer to supplement my blood intake. The elf will not budge. Eggs are not allowed according to the evil thing…and I clearly remember them being cooked when the Weasley matriarch ran the kitchen.
Conclusion #8: The elf is a sadist.
Observation #9: Potter is either inhumanly attempting to make this situation work or is completely unafraid of me or immune to all insults. He hasn't risen to any of my best insults and has even chuckled (chuckled!) at a few.
Conclusion #9: I've lost my touch. The students will eat me alive this next term, especially if I cannot perfect a strong enough aging glamour or charm. Or…Potter is in dire need of a mind-healer…maybe both.
Observation #10: Potter has a powerful silencing ward around his room.
Conclusion #10: I suspect our savior has not emerged from this war unscathed mentally. In addition to what I have previously noted, I believe he suffers from nightmares. More observation needed, and I will work on a batch of Dreamless Sleep as soon as I am able to stand for an extended period of time.
This is the end of my current observations, but I should note, I have yet to see any Weasleys or muggle relatives turn up at the house, though there have been several owls during breakfast…where is the man's family?
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August 5th
It has been three weeks since my exile to Potter's house. I am now able to move around on my own and largely do whatever I need for myself. I have been taken off magic restriction though the healer recommends I not apparate myself as of yet. Potter has offered to take me to Spinner's End in a few days to collect my things. He assumes I will not be staying there. I admit…I find myself reluctant to leave. I have become accustomed to reading with Potter in the sitting room in the evenings and listening to the bickering between the elf and bird in the mornings over breakfast. I concede that the mystery may be the largest draw to Grimmauld though. I have yet to come to any solid and over-arching conclusion. The observations continue though.
Observation #11: Potter has taken to eating lemon drops with the bird.
Conclusion #11: Fawkes is a powerful influence, and I will never touch a lemon drop to my dying day no matter how long I live.
Observation #12: Something is wrong with the rooms at Grimmauld Place. Specifically, Potter's bedroom and Regulus Black's old room. I overheard the elf informing Potter that he was required to move to the master bedroom. Potter protested that the hippogriff had been kept in that room until its relocation to the Forbidden Forest. The elf said that the master bedroom could be cleaned and remodeled. However, Potter only agreed after the elf pointedly told him that the master bedroom is closer to Regulus's old room. Regulus's bedroom has been emptied of all furniture, and Potter and the elf have been arguing over paint color. The elf wants green, pink, or purple. Potter insists on yellow and white or gray. Both seem more focused on this room even though Potter is supposed to be remodeling and moving into the master bedroom.
Conclusion #12: I have no theories…more observation is needed. I haven't been able to find an excuse to enter Potter's room to see what is wrong with it. And I still haven't found that bloody bag unguarded.
Observation #13: The bag has a ward around it that prevents it from being magically scanned.
Conclusion #13: I blame the elf…Healer Morris originally scanned the bag and seemed to talk to Potter about it in their first meeting. When asked, the healer only claims to not be able to discuss his patients…and also warned me not to touch the bag. I fear a dark artifact attached to the teen that the elf is helping to conceal. I do not understand Healer Morris's reactions though.
Observation #14: Potter's friends are in Australia looking after Ms. Granger's parents. The Weasleys have been caring for Fred Weasley who was gravely injured in the battle. They have been trying to get Potter to visit them and have only not stormed Grimmauld because they know I'm here. Potter also seems to be dreading some kind of upcoming meeting with Mr. Percy Weasley…I can completely understand that having taught the insufferable boy for seven years. I have no new information on the relatives. Potter looks at me like I'm insane any time I bring them up. No one showed up for his birthday, but several presents were sent by owl.
Conclusion #14: Potter is hiding behind me. He knows I make many of the Weasleys uncomfortable and for some reason does not want to see them. I do not know if this is more trauma from the war or if he just needs some time. I understand not wanting to be smothered by Molly Weasley. As for the relatives…I'm starting to doubt Potter had the perfect homelife and upbringing I had always believed to be the case. I remember Petunia from my childhood and she was unpleasant, but surely she cared for her nephew, right? However, he died, was seriously injured after that, and has been unwell for some time, and I have not even seen post from them. Though he is much improved in his health, if his relatives did actually care, I'd expect to see the amount of letters and care packages sent from Molly Weasley from them as well…at least a birthday present.
I believe I will stay for now. I'm concerned about the teen's isolation and that he may be harboring a dangerous dark artifact. The bird is no help at all, and the elf may be the most competent of the group, but I doubt he could go for a healer if Potter told him not to. So, I will remain for now. Besides, I doubt Spinner's End was left habitable after a thorough investigation by pissed off aurors.
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August 19th
It is possible Potter has a very large tattoo, or maybe two… As I have already determined this journal will be burned and banished as soon as I reach a final hypothesis, I will reluctantly admit that I may have been slightly distracted. It all started when Potter moved into the master bedroom. I was able to finally make a thorough investigation of his old bedroom, and it turned up absolutely no clues as to the odd behavior of Grimmauld's inhabitants. Frankly, the elf is excellent at moving someone and leaving nothing behind. I should have realized this when the elf moved my entire potions lab from Spinner's End to the attic here at Grimmauld perfectly and set it up to my exact specifications within one hour. There was an odd scorch mark on Potter's floor in his old bedroom, but it is also possible that has been there since the mutt tried to set fire to some family heirloom or whatever.
I finally found an excuse to enter Potter's current room when the elf told me to call him for breakfast this morning. I entered just as Potter exited the shower. He was wearing only a towel as he walked towards his bed. I admit, this is where the distraction comes in…stupid reemergence of teenage hormones! Sometimes I desperately miss my aging potions even with their unpleasant side effects. Regardless, the man is quite fit. Though he is still too thin, what he does have on his bones is all muscle and proportionally very appealing. While my observational skills may have stumbled slightly, Potter corrected his assumption that I was Kreacher and dove onto his bed, slamming the curtains closed. I thought I caught sight of green on his sides…the conclusion of a tattoo seems the most reasonable. When he could have gotten this is beyond me though.
The elf yelled at me for twenty minutes straight for entering his master's room. The elf's tirade was imaginative and inventive if nothing else. I think I have some new material to use during detentions now.
Observation #15: Potter, looking very awkward, informed me at dinner that I was welcome to invite Draco to visit. Narcissa, being on house arrest, could only be visited at the manor. He also offered to apparate me to the manor if I was more comfortable visiting them there and if my magic was still not up to it. He refused to connect the manor to the floo here though citing past issues with that connection. The elf had to be stopped from ironing his hand at this comment, which Potter was quick to assure the elf that they were past that and all was forgiven.
Conclusion #15: Potter is a better man than I am…
I think I'll invite Draco to come visit if he is comfortable doing so, but I will not make Ha-Potter revisit a place where he was tormented and lost a friend. I will be able to apparate myself shortly, my magic is much stronger so it is not necessary anyway. I must also ask Draco if Narcissa has been informed of my status as a creature. Draco seemed unfazed by the admission (claiming to be too tired of everything to even attempt to care), but I doubt Narcissa Malfoy would be as accepting.
Minerva owled Potter today to say she is coming by the first week of September to talk with him about his next year in lieu of sending the customary Hogwarts letter. I do not know if I should be here for this meeting or not. Things…are not as they were with my colleague, and we have only communicated through letter since the war. It is better than last year, but I doubt we will ever be on the friendly terms we were before Albus's death. I feel this is cowardice. I should stay and show her, or myself, that I'm not ashamed of what I had to do or who I really am…though I admit, that is not true in my heart most of the time. I do not know what to do about my age or creature-status. I am only staying for this one year, as per my probation, I'm beginning to wonder if it's worth hiding what I actually am. It's not like prejudice against me could get much worse at this point.
Harry was nervously running his hand up and down a cold glass of pumpkin juice while waiting in his secluded booth at the Leaky Cauldron. He'd placed a very strong notice-me-not charm around the booth to keep his 'fans' away, so he was having to keep a steady eye out for the person he was meeting. He tried to remind himself that it was only Percy, his prat of a prefect and his best friend's older brother, but this was also the one human person besides his healer who knew he wasn't quite human anymore…or really had very little human left in him.
Percy ducked into the pub from the entrance into Diagon Alley, but Harry almost didn't notice him. He had a Puddlemere United cap pulled down low over his face and seemed to hug the shadows when he stepped in. Harry was just about to motion outside of his charm when Percy looked straight at him and quickly walked over to Harry's confusion and surprise.
"Harry, hey," the redhead slid into the seat across from the teen and gave him a sheepish smile that looked very out of place on Percy's usually more pompous face. "Thanks for meeting with me. Sorry I was so persistent about it. I thought this conversation needed to happen in person instead of over letter though."
"Er…yeah, no problem," Harry stammered, trying to catch up to what was happening through his surprise while Percy took off his hat and ran a hand through his short but curly hair. He also noted that Percy wasn't wearing his normal horn-rimmed glasses he'd had since Harry had met him. "Sorry it took so long for me to get back to you. I wasn't feeling well for a bit and was busy with the trials and Tonks and Teddy and all…"
Percy waved a dismissive hand. "It's not a problem…you have up a privacy ward?" He gave his wand a twitch, checking.
"Er, yeah…a notice-me-not one too. How did you see me?" He asked, watching as Percy checked the ward and seemed satisfied.
Percy noticeably went a bit paler at that and cleared his throat. "That's kind of what I wanted to talk to you about. I kind of just sensed you…erm, also, I wanted to thank you again for what you did for Fred…I haven't told anyone, I promise. Not even Fred," he rushed out at the end.
Harry let out a breath he hadn't known he was holding. "Thanks Perce, it's not that I don't want to tell your family and all…it's just…"
"Yeah, I know, believe me," Percy said with a sigh, closing his eyes and seeming to come to some kind of resolve. "Look…I know you aren't quite human. I think that's what we're talking around, aren't we? Why you didn't really want to meet with me?"
Harry couldn't hold back the chuckle at Percy calling him out like that. Sometimes he forgot there was a reason Ron's older brother was in Gryffindor and not Ravenclaw even though he was just as studious as any raven. "Yes, I suppose it is…not that I'm really ready to be announcing it to the world quite yet though."
"I wouldn't," the older man gave Harry a pointed look. "Prejudice against…against o-our kind is really strong right now. It may be getting even worse now that the war is over…I don't like the direction I see the wixen society heading…"
Harry was stunned to say the least. "Excuse me…" he tried to let his brain catch up to embedded admission in that statement. "Erm, you're a creature too? How?"
"I could ask you the same thing," Percy smirked at him with a smirk, reminding Harry much more of Fred or George than of how he always pictured Percy. "For me though, I was sent by that toad, Umbridge, to inform a rogue werewolf pack of her new regulations back when I worked for the ministry…they didn't take the news well at all, and I wasn't granted any auror support on my assignment, of course."
Harry was fairly certain Umbridge was awaiting trial for all her crimes during the war, and it was too bad because he really wanted to look her deep in the eyes right about then and smile as she fell to the ground. He wondered how closely guarded the holding cells were…thought for another day.
"I'm so sorry…you could have died. Does anyone know besides me? How are you doing?"
Percy gave a chuckle at all the questions. "I'm fine, really, and no…I certainly didn't tell anyone at the ministry," he snorted, a look of pain on his face. "I told Mum and Dad…erm, you might want to tread carefully there…I would hope they might actually like you more than me at this point though…I realize I've been a bit difficult to get along with for a long time now."
"You're their son!" Harry gasped in shock. "They…surely not!"
Percy shrugged and couldn't meet his eyes. "Well, I know I was a huge pompous prat back in your fifth year and that caused a rift between me and the family. It was the end of the year, just before what happened with you at the ministry that I was turned. I went to Mum and Dad and apologized for everything and asked to come back, but…they've never looked fondly on creatures…they truly believe we're dark and that equals bad…plus, they're a bit scared of werewolves in particular."
"But they liked Remus," Harry protested in confusion. Yes, he'd gotten the feeling that there may have been some prejudice there, but not this much, not so much they would turn their own son away.
Percy snorted wryly. "They accepted Lupin because he didn't accept what he was…they were not happy when he married Auror Tonks. Marrying a witch like that was too much for their sensibilities. Plus, they didn't have to live with him."
"Teddy…" Harry's eyes were wide in concern. Tonks and Andy had considered asking Molly to babysit at some point. They hadn't yet, but now… "What about Teddy?"
Percy shrugged. "Mum likes kids a lot, that might make up for him being half-werewolf…they've gotten a bit better since the war and almost losing Bill and Fred. I'm allowed over for dinner now, but not to stay the night or anything, especially around the full moon, regardless of if I have wolfsbane or not. They're concerned I might hurt someone."
"But…that doesn't make sense. If you have wolfsbane, or it isn't the full moon, why would you hurt someone?"
"Prejudice isn't rational, Harry," the redhead looked at him sadly. "I wanted to tell you all this so you could make an informed decision on who you told and when. Only the twins know about me besides my parents, and they're great with it. I'm staying on their couch right now since I had to give up my flat when I quit the ministry and spend basically all my money on wolfsbane. I've been doing their bookkeeping and helping around the store for a job, and George is even trying to learn to brew the potion for me. I've been apparating to remote forests to change so far, and things have been pretty decent all around."
"Have they talked to your parents," Harry sighed sadly. He was going to have to get George and Snape together to talk and soon it sounded like. If Snape could help George brew the potion or at least give him some tips, it might keep Percy from having to spend everything he had on it each month.
"Yeah, and they'd probably have caused a huge fight over everything if Fred hadn't almost just died and we all came out of a war…" Percy said with a sad smile, seeming to accept the situation, definitely more than he should in Harry's opinion. "I'm certain Charlie will be fine with it, but he's always off in Romania. Bill, of course, especially with his partial changes, but I didn't want to give him something else to be angry with Mum and Dad over after how they treat Fleur. Ginny and Ron…well, I guess you probably know them better than I do at this point. I'm not really sure how to tell them."
"I'm not too worried about Ron with all we've been through…Ginny, I don't know…maybe…" Harry sighed in frustration at his own dilemma in telling his friends. "Look, I'm not a vampire or werewolf or anything like that."
"I figured after you healed my brother with your tears," Percy chuckled. "Mind giving me a better hint than that? Was it an inheritance? Your smell is different from others…you smell like ash and ozone. I noticed during the battle, and that's how I was able to find you when I walked in. It's very distinctive."
"Er…sort of…It happened when I turned seventeen like an inheritance, but it was from the basilisk venom and the phoenix tears in my system from what happened to me in my second year. As far as I know, there isn't any creature blood on either side of my family," he explained, finding the information about his scent very interesting. "Apparently, I'm something new…a phoenix/basilisk hybrid."
Percy gave a low whistle. "Only you, Harry, only you…"
"Yeah, I figured it was my luck. I'm not sure if I'm the luckiest bastard alive or the unluckiest," he took a sip of his pumpkin juice and rolled his eyes.
"If you need anything, to talk or complain or just get pissed with someone who'd understand, well, I just wanted to offer," Percy smiled genuinely. "It'd be nice to have another creature around who understood and ran into some of the same challenges."
Harry desperately agreed. "How is it living with the twins? Isn't their flat kind of small?"
Percy shrugged and huffed. "Yeah, and they both have girlfriends. It can be bloody inconvenient, especially with my enhanced hearing. There are things you just can't unhear no matter how hard you try."
"Right…so I have a new roommate as well as a very stern house elf and a grumpy phoenix living with me," Harry began, getting an idea that was probably going to be one he'd regret. "We're a pretty full house, but it's also bloody big. I have a couple empty rooms and the basement that Remus used to transform in if you want another option. I have absolutely no need for rent money but could also come up with something if that makes you uncomfortable."
"Yeah?" Percy looked intrigued. "Who's your roommate? Is it Snape?"
Now that was a tricky situation. Harry thought for a moment. He wasn't sure if Snape was scared of werewolves, if it was a vampire thing, or if he just didn't like Remus at all. This might be a problem. "Er, yeah…how about you come to dinner in a few days…see for yourself and meet everyone? I'm not sure how well you'll all get along."
"Sure…after the next full moon. I'll bring some nice big steaks to cook," Percy smirked at him with a laugh.
Harry was trying to be absorbed in the stack of pamphlets he had Kreacher pick up for him from the ministry the day before. He had firmly decided that he didn't want to join the aurors after graduation when he'd also be a single father with a new baby. He might be fairly indestructible now, but he also didn't want that becoming public knowledge, and it was almost assured to as an auror. Plus, the hours sucked. He wanted to be home in the evenings with reliable and consistent hours for the baby. Tonks had gone through the same thought process, and they'd discussed her feelings on the issue a couple weeks before when he'd visited her and Teddy. She didn't want Teddy to have his only parent in a dangerous job with crappy hours. Her reasoning had swayed him as well, even if she didn't know that her baby's godfather was prepping for his own baby to be born (hatched?), whatever. Anyway, Tonks was on her way out of the Aurors as soon as she found a new and safer job, and Harry just couldn't see himself joining up now either.
This is the reason Harry was currently sitting at the kitchen table and looking through a large stack of pamphlets on careers in the wixen world. At least, that's what he was supposed to be doing. His mind was a little preoccupied. Snape had been staying with him for a little over a month, and it had been going surprisingly well. Honestly, the man was irritable, snarky, and not a morning person, but he also had a sense of humor, talked to Harry like he was an intelligent person now, and was actually good company most of the time. The problem was that Snape had been told to absolutely not go into Harry's room and hadn't listened.
Harry was not an idiot; he knew Snape was suspicious of his behavior. Anyone would be suspicious when someone carried around a random bag all the time and freaked out whenever anyone got near enough to touch it, not that Snape had actually made a move to touch it yet. Kreacher had gotten screamed at again when he brushed up against it accidentally and Healer Morris had been blasted by Harry's magic up against the wall of his office once too when he tried to open it. Harry was regretful of his responses, but not ashamed. Whatever new creature combination he was, was highly protective of their egg, and neither Kreacher nor Healer Morris had been seriously injured. Harry knew he was going to have to put some serious thought into walking around in the hallways at Hogwarts though. His creature part couldn't just go blasting everyone around him.
Anyway…back to Snape. The man was probably trying to catch Harry doing something suspicious by coming into his room, not that Harry ever did anything suspicious in his room. Well…he did sing in phoenix song, and sometimes Parseltongue, to his egg and sleep curled around it, but that was totally normal…for whatever he was anyway. Harry had just been getting out of the shower and had left the egg nestled in the covers on his bed. He had been trying to get farther away from it without losing his mind completely, but he'd only been successful in his own room with no one else there and only as far as the bathroom. That wasn't happening anymore though, thanks to Snape's invasion.
Honestly, that wasn't even what had Harry staring in confusion at the pamphlet on Knight Bus drivers instead of reading it though. It was Snape's eyes when Harry stopped and stared at him in surprise when he finally realized it wasn't Kreacher who had walked in on him. At the time, Harry had been more concerned with getting back to his egg and covering himself up enough so that Snape couldn't see his scales, but later the expression on Snape's face had processed in Harry's mind. Snape had been looking at him in…desire, or as close to it as Harry could figure. De-aged back to a teenager, Snape didn't seem able to wipe his emotions from his expression as well as he used to on all his potions.
No one looked at Harry that way. Sure, he was looked at in hero-worship, lust for fame or power, and even obsession, but never in desire for himself, for who he actually was. Not even Ginny had looked at him that way. Ginny started at hero-worship, she then moved to a familiar appreciation when they had been dating in sixth year, then pity after the war, and that was the impetus Harry needed to end their relationship completely and finally.
He did not want to be looked at in pity, even when he knew those had been dark days, still were if he were being honest, but that wasn't a look he wanted to see in someone he cared for. Yes, he'd had several panic attacks, slept too much then almost didn't sleep at all, and didn't want anyone to touch him, but he still didn't want pity. Thankfully, he was doing a little better, at least there were less panic attacks and he did sleep better with the egg though there were still nightmares…and he definitely didn't want to be touched, but he was working on it.
Snape though…it was not a look he'd ever expected from the man, really from anyone since he'd always seen himself as a bit scrawny and awkward, even with his creature changes, and it was confusing him to no end. Harry was self-aware enough to know that he wasn't the straightest person on the planet. He'd definitely found some men attractive like Oliver Wood, Viktor Krum, and (awkwardly) Sirius a bit too, but he'd found women attractive as well. Frankly, he hadn't given it much thought since he really hadn't expected to live this long. Why start a serious relationship when you didn't plan to be around to see it out? Now, he actually did have to think about it though. And the scary thing was that he had to think about Snape now too it seemed.
He supposed that his Potions professor was actually good looking in an unconventional way. Ok, honestly, he was very attracted to the man and had been from even before he'd learned he was actually on their side of the war, had been even when he was overdosed on aging potions and twenty years his senior. It was his voice and hands and his dry humor, and Harry could admit internally that he'd checked out the man's body a time or two as well. That wasn't even taking into account his obsession with the Half-Blood Prince's book and the one who'd written it. Now, looking at the man was something he had to actively stop himself from doing.
Apparently, when not teaching Snape liked to spend his days wearing muggle jeans and knit shirts to Harry's immense surprise. The shirts were black or Harry might have had a heart attack, but still…muggle jeans! Regardless, the man looked good, a bit thin but he was building muscle back up from his exercises and diet, and a nineteen-year-old vampire Snape was a very fit Snape. Harry asked once about his professor's attire, but Snape had just remarked that Harry already knew he had grown up in a muggle neighborhood, and he couldn't care a knut's worth what Harry thought of his clothes.
With the man looking so much younger, it was hard to even acknowledge the age difference between them, but really, Harry had no problem with it even if Snape had stayed on the potions. Frankly, Snape was only in his late thirties, which was still considered a young adult by wizarding standards when middle aged wasn't until around ninety; that wasn't even taking into account that he was actually a vampire and immortal (like Harry, though he wasn't ready to deal with that at the moment, thank you very much).
It didn't even bother him that Snape had gone to school with his parents. He'd never known his parents, so the awkwardness on Harry's end just didn't exist. Snape might think differently about that Harry assumed though. No…age, appearance, and personality honestly weren't roadblocks to Harry's attraction at all now that Snape treated him as an adult and didn't hate him. What was a roadblock though was currently resting in the soft, leather bag beside Harry, and it was one hell of a roadblock.
It wasn't just Harry that mattered when he was looking at potential romantic partners anymore. He knew himself well enough to know that he'd never be happy with something casual. He wasn't built for casual; he was built for hanging onto a person dearly for as long as they would let him. If he was going to try a relationship with someone, it was going to be serious and hopefully long-term now that he didn't expect to be murdered any minute. So, whoever he was with had to be someone that would also be good for his child…and Snape was not so good with kids, at least 11-18 year-olds anyway. Plus, Harry was still not in a very good place for a relationship when he couldn't even allow his healer or Kreacher to touch him if he wasn't looking at them the entire time. It was part fear of being attacked and part fear that he would hurt them after all he'd done during the battle. So…a relationship was a bit impossible at the moment.
In addition, Harry reminded himself that it wasn't like Snape was actually interested in him regardless…or even men in general if he'd interpreted the man's memories towards Lily Evans correctly. One look of desire did not mean a person actually wanted to start anything with you, or that the man was even gay, but it had been nice to get the look anyway. Harry appreciated it, even if it couldn't go anywhere, whether he wanted it to or not.
About that time, Snape walked into the kitchen…well sleep-walked in Harry's opinion. The vampire was basically not awake until he had a cup of coffee in his hands. Harry had learned very quickly not to even try to talk to him until after he'd had at least two sips. Harry raised an eyebrow at the dark robes Snape was wearing. They looked like his normal teaching robes. When they'd gone to Spinner's End and salvaged all they could, it was a complete mess. The aurors…and probably Pettigrew who'd been left there for a while, had almost destroyed the place. Even Snape's clothes hadn't survived well, so he only had a couple robes that were obviously for teaching and most of his muggle clothes hadn't been touched, probably the aurors reasonably thought he wouldn't be wearing those on Death Eater business. They really needed to go shopping soon.
Two sips into his coffee Harry finally asked his question. "So…I'm guessing Malfoy is coming by today?" Harry smirked and made a motion towards the fact the man was wearing robes. "I'm guessing you give a knut about what he thinks about your clothes." Harry added with a chuckle.
"He will be here for lunch," the man gave him a glare that said obviously. "Will you be having lunch with us?"
"Ah, no," Harry said definitively. If he hadn't of had plans already, he would definitely have made some up. Luckily, he did have plans. "I'm off to see Andy, Tonks, and Teddy for lunch. Tonks said she has news about her new job. Anything special I should ask Kreacher to make for you two?"
Snape looked at the teen in confusion. He was being way too reasonable about this. He really didn't seem to mind if Draco came to his home, well as long as he didn't have to be there. Knowing his godson, he wouldn't stay long anyway. Things were a bit awkward now that they were about the same age and Draco knew what he was. They really didn't have a close relationship before everything happened though either.
It was probably more obligation than anything else that was driving the young man to check on him. Lucius had made sure of that by not letting Severus spend much time with his godson when he was small. Frankly, Severus wasn't even sure why he'd been named godfather when Lucius didn't want him around much, but it probably had something to do with alliances and keeping him close for influence in the school and potions or whatever. It was either that or maybe Lucius just couldn't understand that he'd want to be in the life of his godson when he was a child. That seemed very much like the man as well.
"No, just some sandwiches will be fine. I doubt Draco will be here for very long," he finally answered.
"He can stay as long as you want," Harry shrugged nonchalantly. "I meant it when I said you should treat this place like your home. You live here now and should be able to invite people over. Is he treating you alright…you know, now that he knows…?"
He didn't have enough coffee for this. Snape took a deep sip of the drink, trying to organize his thoughts. He'd never spent this much time with Potter before moving into the house, and he was coming to realize that he had assumed an understanding of the man all this time that was completely wrong. Potter was generous to a fault, and Snape just couldn't understand it at all. There had to be some motive that he just hadn't seen yet. It was throwing him completely off balance.
"Yes, Draco accepted the news with less dramatics than expected, and we have moved past it. I'll move back to Spinner's End as soon as I can get it repaired and the wards back up," he commented again, as he had ever since they'd seen the state of the place.
Potter sighed and put the pamphlet he'd been reading into a large pile. Snape noticed the pile and wondered what the teen had been looking over. He tried to get a look at them, but the top one inexplicably had a large picture of the garishly purple Knight Bus. That was…odd.
"Look…Snape, why don't you just plan to stay here until the term starts? You're already settled in and then you can take your time with your place, maybe even do some improvements if you want. I really don't mind you being here, as surprising as that is. It's kind of nice having company," Potter said with a hint of embarrassment at the admission. "It was lonely here with just me and Kreacher since Ron and Hermione are off in Australia."
"You could invite the Weasleys over," Snape magnanimously offered, still concerned at the lack of people stopping by. Potter frequently visited Nymphadora and her child and the Weasley twins once they moved back into their Diagon Alley flat, but as far as Snape knew, he hadn't even been to the Burrow.
"Er, they're still getting back on their feet after the war," Potter said, more embarrassment creeping in like he was about to make some kind of awkward admission. "Plus…things have been a bit strained since Ginny and my break-up," the man added with a shrug.
"I thought you said she was with the Thomas boy?" That was what he'd said…right?
"Er, yeah…I think Molly had really counted on us being together, and she's just a bit…much," Potter said slowly, like he was saying something terrible that he knew he would be judged for. Severus frankly completely agreed though. The Weasley matriarch was a bit much, all the time, and she'd also made it clear on multiple occasions what she thought of people like Snape, even if she hadn't known at the time what Snape was.
"She wants to feed me and always tries to hug me even when I said that I don't want to be touched, then she fusses over my clothes and health and everything. She wants me to move in with them so she can watch over me, but I've always taken care of myself. I've never had a mother, and I've never had someone who cared, so it's just…too much. I feel like I can't breathe when I'm there. It wasn't as bad before the war, but my nerves are just too on edge right now…"
Severus had his mug halfway to his lips when he paused in surprise. Potter might not have realized it, but he'd just told Severus more information than he'd ever had about his homelife and mental health. It answered so many questions, to Snape's utter horror. He'd never had someone who cared? It also seemed that the man was suffering from some kind of undiagnosed PTSD, which was completely understandable and expected…but he really did need to convince the teen to see a mind-healer.
Just for clarification, Snape set the mug on the table and tried to nonchalantly ask his question and not bring attention to the fact that it was important. "Is this why you haven't invited Petunia over? She would be 'too much?'"
Potter snorted in derision, further supporting Snape's thoughts. "I haven't spoken to her since the Order took me away when I turned 17. Dedalus Diggle told me they'd been moved back home after the final battle, but that's probably the last we'll ever hear of each other. Aunt Petunia wouldn't come if I did invite her and would probably scream at me for having the audacity to not die…well, stay dead that is," Potter laughed at the end.
Severus Snape was a good spy, based on the evidence of still being alive, but Potter must have been a complete blind spot. It's not like he could have treated the boy well with having to maintain his position, but he could have tempered his insults some. Fifth year Occlumency was the startling example. He'd taught the teen how he'd been taught, but looking back, that was obviously not the right approach for him, and Potter may have actually learned the discipline if he'd given more examples or belittled him less.
"I've been an arse to you over the years," Snape sighed and stared into his coffee instead of at the teen.
"So?" Potter remarked with a snort, causing Severus to look up in confusion at the man who also looked confused at the change of subject. "You treated me as I expected to be treated actually. You may want to apologize to Neville at some point though…I don't think he was quite as used to all the insults," he expanded with a shrug.
"Besides, it was kind of necessary; you were a spy…also a right arse," the infuriating man grinned, his green eyes almost glowing now that there weren't glasses covering them…where had Potter's glasses gone? Were his eyes always that green? Lily's eyes hadn't been that green.
Snape quickly crushed the very inappropriate feelings that grin elicited in him. He was not developing any type of feelings for the brat…the Savior of the Wizarding World who could almost literally be with anyone he wanted. Stupid teenage hormones!
"And a shit teacher," Snape added with a groan. "Dumbledore is laughing in the afterlife that the ministry assigned that as my probation. I tried to quit almost every year, and he wouldn't let me. He couldn't lose his spy."
"It's only for one more year," Potter commented before standing. "I'm off to the Tonks residence. Tell Malfoy…" He shrugged. "Never mind, I probably shouldn't finish that sentence."
"Probably not," Snape drawled as he sipped his coffee.
Potter stopped just before leaving the kitchen. "Actually…would you ask Malfoy if he'd be interested in tutoring me in Arithmancy? I'd be willing to pay him or discuss other compensation," he asked. "I would ask Hermione, but she's actually scarier than Malfoy when studying is involved."
Snape's godson was the quintessential Slytherin; he would definitely need something out of the deal. Snape did agree with the assessment of Draco vs. Hermione when studying was involved though. "Why do you want tutoring in a class you aren't taking?" Severus didn't know every student's schedule, but with detentions and 'Remedial Potions' he did actually know the teen hadn't taken that elective.
Potter gave that infuriating awkward shrug he was wont to do and that Severus was not beginning to find endearing. "Er…I'm still alive, so I guess I need a job, and most of the interesting ones in there either need Arithmancy or Ancient Runes, and I don't want to have to memorize enough for runes."
Severus looked closer at the pile of pamphlets Potter motioned to and realized they were the standard ones for careers distributed by the ministry. "I thought Minerva said you were going to be an auror? There was a whole to-do with Umbridge if I remember correctly."
The man looked years older as he sighed. "I've killed and harmed enough. I want to do something that builds up instead of tears down now."
As far as Snape knew, The-Boy-Who-Lived-Twice hadn't even really killed the Dark Lord, only ensured that his spell rebounded. However, he'd been unconscious for most of the battle, so he figured he shouldn't protest. Instead, Snape made a decision that he wouldn't have even considered several weeks before.
"I'll tutor you," he said with a nod. "Draco will give you a hard time about it, and I can assure you his compensation will be too high, whatever it is. I passed my NEWT with an O, and I think if you work hard, you could get up to OWL level in the subject since you already have six years of magical training behind you."
"Really?" Snape was almost offended at the look of disbelief he was getting.
"As payment for you allowing me to convalesce here," he added on as the look of pure gratitude he was now getting became too much.
Potter shifted the mysterious bag on his shoulder and chuckled. "Yes! Thank you! That's amazing. Tonks isn't going to believe this!" Snape gave him a parting sneer at that before the younger man turned to leave.
"Oh, Snape, I forgot to mention…we're going to have company for dinner next week," Harry turned back around and looked way too guilty for this to not have a deeper significance.
"Indeed…may I ask who?" Snape waited, expecting this to not be welcome news.
"Er, well, Percy could really use a place to stay for a while, the twins' flat is really small, and I told him that we'd do dinner, and if you two could get along, then he could stay here," the teen rushed out, his cheeks turning a bit pink.
There was something else, something Harry was not mentioning. Snape studied the man's look, unable to discern just what that was. "While not the best conversationalist, I do not remember Mr. Weasley being difficult to be around unlike some of his relatives. I believe this house could be large enough for someone as quiet and studious as him."
Harry looked even more guilty at that, if it were even possible. Snape wasn't going to pry though if Potter didn't want to just out with the information. Frankly, he really didn't want to add in another person to the mix of their tenuously peaceful living situation, or another person knowing what he was, but he knew he couldn't hide forever, and Percy did tend to keep to himself for the most part if he remembered correctly.
"Yeah…you may take that back later, but we'll give it a go at dinner, cheers," Harry quickly waved goodbye and dashed out like he was worried Snape would take back his agreement to dinner.
Up Next: Snape makes a mistake...